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xxcyj · 3 years

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Sick days

I wrote this when there was thunderstorm happening so it lol Requests are open! Right here >> Masterlist

Summary: Your sick and your boyfriend, Taehyun, is busy with comeback preparations.

Genre: Fluff Word Count: 1.5k

It had been an absolutely tiring day. First you woke up late due to your phone not charging thus making you late to your train and only making it into work 10 minutes late. You were then greeted with many customers, most were in a rather nasty mood today. There was a mother who let her child make a mess at one of the tables and you were tasked to mop up the hot chocolate and wipe the table off the blueberry muffin mess. And to top it all off, you couldn’t even talk to your boyfriend. He was preparing for a comeback in three days and in order for him to focus, his phone was on air plane mode. Although he sent good morning and good night texts along with replying to your rants about your day, it just wasn’t the same as hearing his voice and seeing him in person. But alas, you knew that this comeback was important to him so you decided to let him be.

Finally packing up, you dreadfully walked out the cafe as you stared at the rain. Amazing. Just amazing. You let out a sigh before preparing yourself to be greeted by the wet, cold rain. The walk to the train station was only a seven minute walk but you found yourself wondering if the walk had gotten longer as you became wetter with each step. You managed to make it to the station, soaking mind you, and then had to walk another ten minutes back to your apartment. By the time you got to your apartment, you were dripping wet and headed straight to the shower.

You didn’t even bother taking off your uniform and make up as you let the warm water run through your body. Feeling your legs weakening, you opt to sit down on the shower floor and began to think of your lovely boyfriend. Taehyun would never have let you be drenched in the rain like that and would’ve scolded you for doing so. However, he would also draw you a warm bath and wash you hair as you ranted to him about how awful today was. You could hear him smile and laugh at your sassy and sarcastic remarks about everyone and when he finished with your hair, he would leave to turn the kettle on to make hot chocolate for you.

Smiling at the thought of your boyfriend, you began to miss him dearly once again. The thought of calling him came to your mind but you shook it off, he needed to focus on the comeback. You let out a frustrated groan at the thought of the comeback promotions, he would surely be more busy. Just gotta hang in there. As the night went on, you sent Taehyun a message about today and purposely leaving out the part with you walking in the rain in order to not have him worry about you. He replied back just as you were about to sleep, so sweet and wonderful. You smiled as you hugged onto a pillow with his scent.

You were not doing great. It probably wasn’t a wise idea to have walked in that rain huh? You were sick and regretting the decision you made two days ago. You had called in sick and you manager was thankfully understanding, letting you off until you got better.

Currently, you were wrapped in your blanket, a tissue up your nose as a plug and looking oh so miserable. You also hadn’t eaten much due to wanting to pass out every time you stood up and the things you did eat were bananas and plain tofu as they were soft and didn’t hurt your throat everytime you swallowed it. Needless to say, you were completely and utterly useless right now.

As you were about to close your eyes to take your fourth nap of the day, you heard the familiar ringtone from your phone and picked it up. You didn’t even bother to check who it was, probably your boss again.

“Hey Y/N, I miss hearing your voice.”

You shot up as you heard Taehyun’s voice through the phone. Immediately regretting it straight after as your head started to ache.

“Hello? Y/N?” Taehyun cooed as he waited for you response.

“Hey, I missed you as well.” You tried your best to sound like normal and tried to hide to hoarse sound of your throat.

“Y/N? Are you ok?” He asked with a concerned tone.

“Nope, I am doing fine. How’s the preparations coming along?” You said as you tried to segue out of the topic. However you knew he wouldn’t let it go that easily.

“Y/N, are you sick?”

“...Maybe...” You admitted as you heard him sigh.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve come over and taken care of you.”

“Well I know you’re super busy right now. I just didn’t want to worry you and distract you.” You mumbled into the phone before letting out a sneeze. Knowing Taehyun, he was probably tapping his fingers. A habit of his whenever he was frustrated with you.

“Y/N of course I’m gonna be worried. I don’t care if I’m busy, your health is important to me ok?”

“I know. Ugh what did I do to have such a sweet boyfriend like yourself.” You said as you tried to sway his attention from scolding you.

“Have you been eating well at least?”

“...Yes...” You tried your best to lie.

“Y/N, what have you been eating?” He pressed further.

“Bananas and tofu...” You trailed off as you heard him sigh once more.

“Y/N I swear to god you’re going to be the reason for my demise. Please look after yourself? Look I have to go but I’ll talk to you soon. I love you” His sweet ‘I love you’ sent a rush of warmth into your chest and you felt that maybe you were better. Even if it was just a little.

“Ok ok, I will. Good luck with your preparations. I love you too” And with that you both hung up.

You woke up to the sound of knocking at your door. It seems that you fell asleep after your phone call with Taehyun as you looked out the window to see it was already dark. Slowly walking to the door, you check the time on your phone. 9:42.

Taehyun stood at the door with a plastic bag as you opened the door. You must’ve been gaping like a fish as you stared at him in disbelief because he cracked a smile and hugged you. Squirming out his hug, you backed away.

“No, I’ll get you sick!” You tried to say. He just shook his head and continued to hug you tightly against him. His cheek rested on top of your head as he stroked your hair.

“You had me so worried Y/N” He said into your embrace. When he pulled away, he kissed your forehead before going over to the kitchen and taking out a bowl. Taking out the contents of the plastic bag, he poured it into the bowl before heating it up in the microwave.

“What’s that?” You asked curiously as you watched him walk around the kitchen and turn on the kettle.

“I got you some porridge and I’ll gonna make you some lemon honey tea.” Taehyun said as he rummaged through the cupboards and finally found the honey. “And you are going to eat it and drink it well.”

That night he made sure you finished your food, and drew you a bath. His gentle fingers wash your hair along with your back. You closed your eyes to savour his soft voice as he sang to you. After your bath, he made sure to help you get dressed and tucked you in. He was lying on the bed with you, tracing small circles on your waist when you spoke.

“Taehyun, don’t you have to go back?” You were worried that he would be scolded for ditching practice.

“Well, yeah but I want to make sure you’re taken care of first.” He said as he met your eyes, making you feel like you were about to melt right then and there. “I’m sorry for being really busy. I should be with you until you feel better.”

“I’m fine, really. After your visit, I think I feel way better now. I understand that you’re busy and it’s ok. You’re living out your dream and doing what you love. I’m just happy to have you in my life and I don’t mind waiting for you just a little bit.” You whisper softly as he brings his lips to your forehead again. Smiling at him, your eyes begin to feel droopy with your body feeling heavy.

You could only hear a faint “Goodnight love” as you drifted off to a slumber.

Taehyun made sure you were fast asleep before walking back into the kitchen and preparing soup for you have in the morning. He then picked up all the tissues in the apartment and put them in the bin, tidying your apartment up a little bit. Kissing your forehead one last time, he smiled as he watched your sleeping figure that easily melted his heart before turning off the lights and leaving.

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lokidiabolus · 3 years

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Last Resort - Chapter 2

Fandom: The Maze Runner

Pairing: Thomas x Newt

Warnings: ex boyfriends, AU

Summary: Three years after breaking up with Thomas, Newt finally thought the past of hating each other was behind them, until Thomas asked him for a favour - pretend they got back together for a week while staying at his parents’ home. Because it was an absolutely dumb idea, Newt was inclined to refuse, but then found himself in the house he used to visit when he was in love and happy and the bitter reality of only pretending for people he always liked made him miserable. But it was nothing against dealing with Thomas himself for a week straight and trying not to fall back in love that hurt them both.

Or: Prompt ch. 192 with added spice. Or something. I just needed to write for a while :’)

Can be found on Ao3.

Notes: I think I never did so much rewriting like I did with this chapter. I'm still not satisfied with it, but I swear my brain just can't come up with anything else. Scrapped like 6 pages asdfjslfjslfjsdl. Now it's short :c

Anyway, guess I just wanted a bit of Thomas' insight for it. He's complicated lol. Or maybe not really, just trying to keep up. Don't we all though lol.

Oh and @izzymultifan (actually remembered)

Unbetad!

EDIT: (17. 5. 2021) I edited the ending with a lil continuation of the scene I previously deleted, because I thought it was unnecessary, but then I returned to it after few days and thought it should stay. It's not very long but I guess it's kinda important.

***

Thomas woke up disoriented, thirsty and definitely not rested enough, like when his alarm goes off on a workday and he only slept for four hours. But here was no alarm, no work, just him waking up with a flinch and realizing he wasn’t in his flat, and he wasn’t alone either.

The blond hair right in his face immediately pushed him into realization he was holding onto Newt like he was his lifeline, one hand under the shirt on his belly, other on his chest clutching the fabric, and an unmistakable morning hello tenting his pants, digging right into Newt’s backside. In retrospect there wasn’t much worse Thomas could have done to him, except maybe having a hand down his pants (which admittedly he used to do sometimes when they were together, but then again, that situation definitely didn’t scream murder like it would now).

In a sleepy confusion that hazed his just-woken-up-brain he searched the foggy memory on how this situation came to be, no matter how familiar it felt to him. Newt made himself pretty clear about sleeping together, so the sudden closeness – well, more like an absolute merge, unless he’d slip in – no, no dirty thoughts, bad Thomas, bad – didn’t make much sense.

The night came back to him embarrassingly slow – he got drunk because for some reason his dad decided to decimate his super precious whiskey, even though normally he hoarded it like a dragon his gold. He could only think of Newt being the incentive, drinking the whiskey so fast in his dad’s eyes, while Thomas downed it all to save him from barfing (Newt’s alcohol tolerance never existed in the first place, he disliked about any kind of it, and as far as Thomas remembered he got drunk only once with vodka mixed with orange juice on Aris’ wedding, because he could barely taste the vodka in it until it was too late). Then the world started spinning, Newt dragged him to his room somehow… which sounded farfetched, so maybe dad helped, he drew blank around that area honestly, probably because he stood up and all the alcohol began circulating faster. Then they talked… probably, and then Thomas fell asleep, since that’s all he could recall.

And now his hard-on was trying to get some, and he held Newt against himself with sheer ferocity of an obsessive hugger off his meds and the realization dawned on him like tons of bricks. Was he going to wake him up if he let go? Newt always woke up at the slightest noise before, there was no way of going to pee at night without getting back to the blond blinking owlishly at him, asking what happened. Was this Newt he barely knew anymore still the same? Still twitchy and light sleeper and grumpy and slow to rise when getting up?

Thomas didn’t have much choice anyway, did he. He just had to let go either way, and preferably remove his hips from Newt’s back and act like it was no biggie to be hard when in bed with his ex. He slowly untangled his hand from the front of Newt’s shirt and retreated from under the shirt as well with the other hand and managed to roll onto his back without Newt visibly stirring, which was a success. Unless he pretended to be asleep to avoid talking to Thomas about pushing into him like a horny teenager, which also worked.

Not like he hadn’t been doing that in the last month of their relationship anyway, just... ignoring the problem until it went away (a problem named Thomas) and well, ultimately it succeeded. It would work now too, and Thomas refused to poke the wasp nest this early in the morning – judging from the clock at 8:04 – and just went with the flow.

Need coffee, he thought unhappily when the headache set in. And water. Maybe some alone time in a bathroom first.

Newt didn’t stir until Thomas slinked out of the bedroom, which was a complete lie.

***

“Dad, just drop it,” Thomas repeated for fourth time when his dad couldn’t stop haggling him about his childlike alcohol tolerance the moment he appeared in the kitchen, asking for black coffee. He couldn’t tell him he drank Newt’s portions and without that argument nothing would sound plausible anyway, so he just dodged it with an increasing headache. Newt got up about half an hour later and didn’t speak a word to him – Thomas would even say he avoided his eyes several times, which meant he was absolutely awake in the morning to witness all of Thomas’ struggle to even exist around him peacefully. Which he couldn’t for years, really, so this only proved it.

It was fine. Thomas learned how to deal with it, despite taking him two years to come in terms of being hated by a person he loved since he was 17. Well, everything around the breakup took a lot from him, but he dealt with all eventually, right? He could finally look Newt in the eye without having all the incoherent anger and frustration pile up and he could talk to him fine as well unless they breached one of the thousand forbidden topics. Like them. Like family. Like love. Like sleeping. Like breathing, existing and fucking just trying to live.

Anyway. All dealt with, of course. No hard feelings.

(Lots of them.)

“You dealt with the drunkard just fine, right Newt?” his dad chattered towards the blond, patting him on his back and Newt forced a smile and a nod. Thomas saw this particular expression too often to not recognize it and huffed while sitting down at the counter with his own coffee.

He was used to being a bad guy anyway, no matter how much of the blame he genuinely deserved. They both knew he didn’t get drunk because he wanted to get wasted enough to drop unconscious on a spot and Newt would be a hypocrite to badmouth him when he was pouring all his whiskey to Thomas’ glass with thankful expression yesterday. But then again, not even he could tell Thomas’ dad about it, so they just had to have this unspoken oh yes, Thomas is a real piece of work as always.

Which sort of sucked. But Thomas couldn’t care less what his dad thought about his alcohol tolerance, it wasn’t like he threw up everywhere or broke mum’s precious bowls set (again). Not that he expected Newt to defend him anyhow, but he could at least say nooo, he was fine, he just fell asleep or something. Not that it surprised him he didn’t, but…

“He used to drink majority of guys from my work under the table and now look at him,” his dad delivered his fifth Thomas can’t drink for shit jab. He sure loved to milk that. “At least he has you to look after him, huh.”

Thomas stared at Newt’s back with mild annoyance the more the blond refused to elaborate on anything, just smiling at his dad while making himself a cup of coffee, and then Thomas’s eyes suddenly fell on the nape of Newt’s neck with a vicious, red mark near the hairline, and his whole body seized up like he got paralyzed.

A hickey? Since when? From who? What? Wait, was Newt already dating somebody else?

Saying already like three years were short amount of time… Thomas mentally scolded himself and his body raised up on its own volition, like being pulled in by some invisible force towards the blond. He had no clue if it were a twisted need for revenge or vindication or just him being unable to come in terms of not being told or warned, or maybe all of it together, he just couldn’t stop and plastered himself all over Newt’s back, trapping him between his body and the counter, circling his thin waist like a vine (he got thinner for sure).

“Of course I have you, don’t I,” he purred into Newt’s ear, loud enough for his dad to hear perfectly, and felt how Newt’s whole body froze, his hand mid-stir of the coffee. Thomas could see how his Adam’s apple bobbed when he gulped. “Looking after me when I get hammered into unconsciousness.”

“Yeah.” Newt’s voice sounded small, and Thomas wanted to bite down at that red, angry place on his nape like an animal. His dad probably wouldn’t appreciate it, but his ego sure would. He let his hands slide lower, to Newt’s hips, grabbing a handful, and the habitual movement made him restless. He did it zillion times during the time they were together. He did less, he did more, naked, clothed, lying, standing up, in whatever situation, touching Newt was his privilege.

And some fucking horny prick just took it?

Just marked his boyfriend – ex-boyfriend, Thomas, ex-boyfriend for three years, pull yourself together, you’re not 17 anymore – like a property and he didn’t even fucking notice?

Newt’s breath hitched and the spoon he was holding dropped into the coffee, splashing the black liquid around it, dribbling down the drawers under, making the blond curse under his breath.

“Sorry,” he immediately said towards Thomas’ dad who was handing him a cloth to wipe it with, and started squirming. “Thomas, leggo. Can’t reach.”

“Don’t wanna,” Thomas refused, squeezing Newt even tighter. “I’m hangover and miserable and you’re supposed to take care of me.”

Thomas’ dad snorted but took the hint and retreated while calling at his wife the boys are being rowdy again, Anna! And the kitchen fell back into silence, except of their breathing, with Thomas plastered against Newt’s back like he wanted to topple him over (he sort of did).

“Do you enjoy being a bloody prick?” Newt finally broke the spell, pawing at Thomas’ hands to get them off, his voice an angry whisper. “What’s your deal, for fuck’s sake!”

“Hangover,” Thomas huffed, not letting go and to be completely honest, Newt wasn’t really trying as much, just slapping his hands half-heartedly. “Could’ve at least said I didn’t give you any trouble, I covered for you the whole night.”

“You gave me loads of it!” Newt started wiggling, and Thomas had to fight the urge to just bite down, mark any piece of skin available, to make the restlessness go away. “You were heavy as fuck, I had to carry you all the way to your room!”

“Yeah, and?” Thomas grabbed him lower, and Newt pinched his hand in revenge, which finally made him let go with sharp breath.

“Fuck you,” the blond barked at him with fiery eyes. “I don’t know what you are trying to prove but groping me is not on the bloody table, get it?!”

“Mhm,” Thomas rubbed the place Newt pinched him at. “Sure. No fun allowed, got it.”

“Fuck off!”

Thomas hated how Newt turned away and the hickey was so visible it made his insides churn. He used to talk about his problems a lot these past few years, so he could finally let go of whatever was holding him in place, unable to forget, and he thought he reached that point, that he was free.

Looking at Newt marked by another man… no. He was not. Still stuck, still the same.

Still angry and miserable.

Still… there.

***

The fact Newt refused to talk to him completely was an understatement. Thomas blamed his unsteady approach on the alcohol, because what else he could blame it on – his own feelings? He sodealt with those already, there was nothing that would make him see red.

Except of a hickey on his ex-boyfriend’s neck, that would do it. Apparently.

But still – it was the hangover that made him stupid, right. If he’d be completely sober and not aching anywhere and his mind clear, he would just… shrug at it. It was Newt’s business who he slept with or not, or who he let bite his nape like a dog (some young fucking idiot who thought hickeys are still sexy? Stupid shit).

Not Thomas’. Not anymore.

The more he tried to push it away from his mind, the more his mind pushed back, just pointing it out loudly every time he glanced towards the blond sitting on the couch in the living room, bundled in a fluffy blanket, fiddling with his phone.

He was fiddling with his phone a lot actually. Texting somebody?

The guy who left the mark?

Thomas felt the irrational anger seep into his consciousness again and he forced it back down with a frown. He knew asking Newt to help him to get his parents off his back wasn’t exactly a great idea (asking ex to be your bf again for a show just screamed trouble), but at the same time asking anybody else just felt… wrong.

Thomas had to admit he’d be able to go along with this only with Minho, probably. Because Minho was a born actor, he’d be able to breeze though this with ease and Thomas’ parents would like him for sure, because, well, everybody liked Minho, honestly.

Asking Teresa or Brenda was just… desperate. Because other than them it would be Newt and getting back together with Newt… well. Thomas could tell from the moment he saw him getting into his car in front of Newt’s workplace it was going to be tough for both of them.

Not much of a surprise so far climbing Mt. Everest would be easier than keeping his chaotic feelings under control.

“You need some fresh air,” his vision of Newt got obstructed by his mum in a frilly apron she wore unironically and he looked up to her with half-lidded eyes.

“I think I need chicken soup, actually,” he offered in response, because dragging himself through the snow outside now sounded like a death penalty.

“Air first,” she insisted, adamant, and turned towards Newt like an executioner. “Right, Newt? A walk would do him good.”

Newt looked at Thomas and Thomas just knew. He was doomed. Newt was going to betray him like Scar did with Mufasa and he’d enjoy it, he could see the glint in his eyes, just shining there, spelling revenge in big, neon letters.

Please, he mouthed at the blond in desperation and Newt tilted his head to the side and then his mouth curled up.

“Sure, that’s a great idea, Anna,” he signed the death certificate without an ounce of shame and relished in it.

Fuck you, Thomas mouthed again, and Newt sent him a condescending smile. Fuck him especially.

***

“You’re unusually quiet,” his mum casually pointed out like she didn’t just drag him out to cold ass weather while holding a knife (butter one, but that’s what made it scarier), despite his very vocal (or vocal sort of, too loud and his brain wanted out of his skull) protests.

“Hungover,” he reminded her bitterly. The snow under their feet crunched sharply and the noise was tearing his brain to pieces, like walking on a broken glass and he had no idea how much longer he’d be able to act like it wasn’t killing him.

“Well, it was nice of you to cover for him,” Anna shrugged like she didn’t just blew their cover with a killer one liner and Thomas probably shouldn’t have been as surprised. “Don’t think I’ve ever seen him drink.”

“That’s cuz he can’t drink for shit,” he mumbled with a frown. “Did dad notice?”

“No,” she shook her head. “He was too busy boasting about the partnership. It’s been some time since I’ve seen him so happy, you know how he hoards the whiskey otherwise.”

“Yeah, cheapskate,” Thomas snorted, and the noise sliced his brain painfully, like an instant karma.

“Think he was happy about Newt being back too,” she hit the nail on the head a bit too close to home and Thomas hated how his stomach lurched at it. “Well, you know him.”

“Sure is happy for not getting any grandkids,” he just grumbled and Anna patted him on his back.

“We still have Hannah,” she reminded him sweetly. “Maybe one day she’ll feel like having kids and force you to babysit for her two times a week.”

“Me? You’re going to be the grandparents, it’s your obligation to babysit!” The idea of taking care of Hannah’s kids made him scared for life, and they didn’t even exist yet.

“Pretty sure Newt wouldn’t mind,” she chirped happily, and Thomas loathed how right she probably was. Newt never really showed any kind of real interest in having kids or anything, but he never minded babysit for his own sister, and generally all the kids liked him.

Not that thinking about that had any merit anyway, since they split up with a point of no return. Maybe Newt already planned kids with the new person who left the distasteful hickey on his nape, or the person who he kept texting, and the more Thomas thought about it, the more his chest burned.

“Cherish him a bit more, would you,” she poked his arm. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you have some beef between you. Had an argument before coming here?”

Why the fuck is she so perceptive?

“A bit,” he answered quietly. “No biggie.”

“Set things right,” she plainly ordered him like he was ten again and had do her bidding. “I don’t want another sad Christmas.”

There isn’t going to be any Christmas for us, he wanted to tell her, but kept his mouth shut. At this rate, there wasn’t going to be anything for them, at all.

I really need some sleep.

***

Not very often did the morning come so peacefully, like a gentle spring washing over tired soul, leaving it invigorated. Thomas basked in the pleasantness of it, a quiet, warm and relaxed moment where he slowly woke up from a dream into reality still welcoming and soft like he never left the fantasy realm.

He took a deep breath, stretching, slowly coming to realize of contours of another body pressed into him, and under his hands and around his legs and under his chin. The soft blond hair came to view when he opened his eyes, with Newt draped around him needily, and his heart melted.

The first night in their flat. Their home. A place that only belonged to them, these walls and floors, and small kitchen and big windows, for them together. It came true, finally, inevitably, for Thomas to have Newt all for himself, to share his mornings, his evenings, his life with him. Nothing else could make him happier.

“You already up?” came a sleepy rumble from Newt’s chest, the hands holding Thomas’ waist slowly moved up, to his back, pushing them even closer together.

“Just woke up,” Thomas kissed the top of the blond strands, his own hands traveling over Newt’s back, right onto his butt, kneading it.

“Mmmm.” Approving sound doubled his endeavour and then Newt was slowly grinding to him, lazily, his lips stretched in a smile, reaching to pamper Thomas’ neck with small kisses. “This sure is nice, huh.”

“Love it,” Thomas agreed with the sentiment while grabbing Newt’s thigh and hiking it up over his hip. The blond softly moaned at the contact and Thomas pushed more into it, completely awake and needy and allowed. There was nobody that could hear them, scold them or gasp in shock like a puritan at them making out – just them, two lovers in their home, free to make love any time they wanted.

And Thomas wanted too much.

***

He never stopped wanting.

He woke to his room bathing in shadows, with the blanket twisted between his legs, his headache still present, even though in weaker state than in the morning, and his body wasn’t any less sluggish. The walk with his mum didn’t help him much, just added to his misery with freezing cold and nagging reality he couldn’t play this game any longer, which made him feel empty and unhappy.

He didn’t feel this unhappy in a while, it usually only came back when he heard of Newt about a year after the breakup. Every time his ex came back to his life, even when somebody only mentioned him in a passing conversation, Thomas’ chest set off that painful pang in it, like a trigger just waiting to be pressed, and he fell back into hollow kind of depression.

He got rid of it, somehow. He built walls around himself, he locked all of his twisted personality traits and pushiness and hateful behaviour away, he spent years searching for more he could fix, for all that made Newt unhappy with him, what made him leave Thomas after seven years without really talking about it.

He thought he managed to become a better person. He believed he could change the way he acted. He hoped if he ever talked to Newt again, at any point of their lives, he would be at least able to show him he wasn’t that ungrateful, lousy boyfriend anymore, that they could at least be friends. Somehow. Just talk normally. Just… exist in the same room without… Newt making that anguished face, like it hurt him still.

Thomas tried. But failed. Maybe it was just recurring theme of his life – to touch something wonderful, to taste true happiness, just to fuck it all up and lose it.

Maybe he was just obsessive. Suffocating.

Maybe making mistakes were rooted too deep in him to get rid of.

Maybe… it was simply impossible.

***

Newt was playing games with Hannah in the living room when Thomas came back down. Hannah made fun of him for sleeping all day like an old guy and his mum said something about hoping he didn’t catch a cold and gave him a bowl of chicken soup.

The strange, unattached feeling stayed with him since he woke up, and only doubled when he saw Newt’s neck marked by some fucker on display. His stomach churned at the implication there was this unknown guy waiting for Newt to come back home, who kept impatiently sending him texts that made Newt frown and smile in turns, like he just slowly sunk back into the problem they never resolved. Thomas felt disgusted with himself, and angry, and, when it came to it, immensely tired.

“Oh, you have the whole week free?” his mum asked suddenly, breaking Thomas’ bubble of trying to eat the soup like a mental case of lobotomy, and he realized there had been a conversation going in meantime and he didn’t catch any of it. Newt wasn’t playing the game anymore, though Hannah still furiously pressed buttons on her controller, and instead of it sat on the couch, turned towards Thomas’ mum at the table.

“Yeah, thought getting out of the city might do me good,” he answered her with a soft smile and the idea of another week like this sent Thomas into desperate mode. Even though it was him who forced Newt to take whole week off, because… he only had bad ideas, obviously.

“But there’s bit of a rush now, right?” he entered the conversation impulsively and Newt glanced at him with a raised eyebrow. “At work. Christmas and all that being close.”

“Yeah, it’s… a bit hectic,” the blond admitted, making Thomas’ mum go aww. “There’s lots of people taking vacations they didn’t spend yet, so we usually work crunch time.”

“Yeah, kind of same,” Thomas added. It wasn’t really a lie. But not the truth either. “And I know I said a week, but I’ve got some texts from work already, thought of going back tomorrow instead.”

Newt stared at him with an evident confusion, but Thomas knew at this rate they were going to crash and burn again if they stayed, and he didn’t want that. He couldn’t even trust himself to keep it civil when his blood boiled like in a bull taunted with red flag.

Except the red flag was an unknown nobody on the other side of the line of Newt’s phone.

And bed.

“Uh,” came from the blond. “No, wait. What? You…”

“We can visit again during Christmas,” Thomas offered a big fat lie, he almost bit his tongue at it. Christmas were a taboo, he knew mentioning it were already risky, but it gave him an out with his mum, so that worked at least. “When it’s calmer.”

“When is what calmer?” Newt still stared, Thomas said almost disbelieving, and he just prayed for him to play along and not act like he knew nothing about it.

“Work,” he answered stiffly. Too stiffly, he realized, since Newt’s eyes narrowed.

“Uh oh,” he heard Hannah interject, which meant he already failed in the mission to make this believable. Fuck.

“I need a smoke,” the blond announced instead of reacting and stood up sharply. Then shot Thomas a badly masked glare. “Keep me company?”

He wanted to say no but couldn’t when his whole family watched them like during tennis match. So he just nodded and followed Newt outside of the house while feeling like slapping himself.

***

“Care to explain or am I supposed to guess.”

The cigarette was lit, its fiery tip shone bright in the darkness of the porch once the automatic light shut itself because they weren’t moving like they rooted in the wooden floor. Newt was wearing his coat and Thomas only stood there in the long-sleeved shirt, which in retrospect was probably a mistake.

“I did explain,” Thomas said. “Just thought about work-,”

“No, you didn’t,” Newt stopped him immediately while crossing one of his arms on his chest while other held the cigarette like a weapon. “You said a week, so I took a week off. I’m not bloody leaving now. It’s my vacation.”

“I also said three days would probably be enough,” Thomas asserted. “And they are. I thought you’d appreciate it.”

“Why?” the blond demanded. “It’s not like I suffer here. I like this place. What’s your problem?”

That kind of question had no easy answer and Thomas held Newt’s eyes only for few seconds, before looking away.

“Am I the problem?” came another question, even sharper. “You just can’t stand me anymore, so you want to leave?”

“You know that’s bullshit,” Thomas scoffed. “Since when did I ever-,”

“No, I don’t know!” Newt interrupted him with raised voice and Thomas flinched. “I don’t bloody know anything about you anymore! You brought me here and expected what? War? Did you want us to fail?”

“Why would I want us to fail?” Thomas’ eyes widened in a shock. “What kind of fucked up logic would that be?!”

“I don’t know!” Newt barked. The cigarette he was holding was slowly fading away, the ash falling everywhere how he moved his hand. “But something’s up since this morning, so obviously you’re lying about work and I want to know why!”

Well, finding out his ex-boyfriend had a lover, or a sex friend or whatever the other person was definitely served as a wake-up call. Thomas couldn’t overlook it – he thought he’d be fine with anything, it had been years, but one fucking hickey and some fleeting texts and he just had the rising urge to tear the walls he built down and get angry and make Newt inevitably miserable, which he despised.

He fucking loathed it. And himself. And everything around him.

“Why did you even agree to come here?” he couldn’t help but demand. “Why did you even bother playing this stupid game when you have somebody home? You trying to make him jealous or it’s just your thing?”

Accusing – stupid Thomas, fucking idiot, just talk normally, what’s wrong with you – as always.

“What?” Newt’s eyes shot up, wide in honest surprise. His cheeks were red from the cold, or maybe embarrassment, Thomas didn’t know. “What are you talking about?”

“About that hickey on your neck?” Thomas pointed towards the incriminated spot and Newt’s whole body went rigid.

“A hickey…?” Newt’s free hand was touching the place now, his voice shocked. “You… ugh.”

“Look, it’s not my business, clearly,” Thomas rubbed his eyes tiredly, desperately trying to make an excuse for his own consciousness why he couldn’t look at Newt. “But obviously it’s causing you trouble with him, so. As I said. Three days are fine, we can leave now. Go back home. Forget about this.”

And forget about me trying to corner you, and me getting hard in the bed with you this morning, and me sounding jealous and lame, and me… just for being me.

“Are you fucking with me?” Newt’s voice sounded disbelieving. “Are you bloody serious right now? A hickey from some random guy appeared over night here? That’s what you’re saying?”

Overnight…?

“Overnight?” he asked a little dumbly, which forced him to look Newt in the eyes, where he saw hell unleashed. It made his throat squeeze almost hard enough to suffocate him.

“You think I just popped back home for a quickie, then back to your bed in the morning like a bloody Cinderella?” the blond seethed, the cigarette in his hand morphing into a protentional weapon of choice. “Where did that even came for, for fuck’s sake? You’d been seeing me for two days, never noticed anything, and then suddenly your Esmeralda syndrome got cured or what?”

“But-,”

“You bloody drunk fucker,” Newt took a step towards him and Thomas found himself hitting the entrance door with his back, when he automatically tried to back out. “Should have known your bird brain won’t remember anything.”

The realization hit Thomas like tons of bricks right in his face, able to cause heavy concussion if it were real.

“I did this?!”

“No, the bloody sucker behind you, who the fuck do you think?!” Newt’s voice was harsh, but Thomas could only hear the bare fact he made a hickey of size of Texas on his ex-boyfriend’s nape while spending the next day being jealous… of himself.

“What the fuck,” he breathed out with an ugly relief flooding his veins, which was all sorts of wrong. Being relieved over attacking his ex at night definitely did not count as a good point in anybody’s book. “What the fuck.”

“Calmer now?” Newt sighed in exasperation and Thomas couldn’t say he was. It just opened door to another set of bad he had to deal with.

“I attacked you when drunk?” he asked quietly, and Newt blinked in surprise.

“Attacked?” he repeated and then barked out a laugh. “No, you really didn’t. You were drunk out of your mind, for fuck’s sake.”

“I see.”

“Didn’t think it left anything,” the blond sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as if in memory, which was kind of hot – no Thomas, it was not hot, but embarrassing, shut up -. “I mean you just munched on me a little, then fell back asleep. No harm done.”

“You made a fuss about us sleeping in one bed but it’s no biggie when I leave a hickey?” Thomas couldn’t help but laugh a little and Newt’s face showed signs of hesitation.

“Look…” he tried after a moment, the cigarette in his hand nearly gone. “I… don’t know, you were just sleeping while holding me, it doesn’t mean anything-,”

“And that’s fine with you?” It was Thomas’ turn to interrupt him, and Newt looked a little lost for a moment.

“I suppose that’s fine with me, yeah,” he admitted slowly.

Thomas looked at his shoes, taking in a deep breath. He couldn’t deny the knot forming in his belly over the day already started easing off, for purely selfish reasons he had, but at the same time his head became even a bigger mess than before.

“So what does it mean?” he asked after a while. “I’m trying to do the right thing here, I thought… you’d rather leave than stay with me longer, after today, but…”

“I want to stay,” Newt answered immediately. “Unless you really don’t want me here. Then no, of course. I had the same problem the first day, feeling all kinds of weird and jumpy. I guess I just sort of dealt with it. Stepped out of my comfort zone and all that.”

“Sorry you had to.”

It wasn’t like Thomas wanted Newt to change anyhow by doing this favour for him. But he’d also be a hypocrite if he didn’t admit he wished Newt to feel good here. With him. Selfishly, hopelessly. Like before, like they were okay. Like they still… liked each other. At least a little.

He knew that kind of hope was self-destructive and harmful, but he didn’t stop loving this man three years ago, after going through an immensely rough patch, so he wouldn’t stop loving him now for no reason either.

“No need to be sorry,” Newt interrupted his thoughts with much softer tone than Thomas expected. “I mean even despite it’s you, you didn’t really do anything bad yet.”

“Wow,” Thomas snorted. “Way to ruin the mood, boyfriend.”

“I try,” Newt grinned, and it seemed like the tense mood dissipated and they both relaxed enough to breathe easier. Thomas possibly wouldn’t even notice he had been so strung up until now, if the huge boulder of irrational fear of fucking up didn’t fall off his shoulders with a bang.

“And just for the record,” Newt added while finally inhaling the last puff from the already burned-out cigarette before stubbing it out in the ashtray. “I noticed you digging into me in the morning.”

“Of course you did…” Thomas banged the back of his head against door in utter shame. “Because universe hates me, and you had to fucking wake up.”

“Yeah, well,” Newt let out a small shrug. “I got hard at night, if it makes you feel any better. Let’s call it even.”

“What.”

“Had a real nice dream,” the blond casually announced like he was ordering pie with no filling and Thomas was a stupefied cashier at Costa Cafe. “Woke up with you being handsy with me. Tried to scramble away, cue for you to make the hickey and fall back asleep.”

“Uh.”

“1:1, right?” The sly smile Newt’s mouth produced did things to Thomas’ underbelly and before he even caught himself, he automatically reached out and grabbed Newt’s side.

Fuck.

“Pretty lousy score,” he just said – bad Thomas, stop making a pass at your ex -, “That’s no match whatsoever.”

Newt glanced at his hand resting on his waist and then back to Thomas with a thoughtful hum.

“I’m not that good at sports,” he just said, looking back into Thomas’ eyes. “But you might be onto something.”

Thomas took a deep breath and risked the second hand grabbing other side of Newt’s waist, pulling him closer. The layers of clothing made him dissatisfied, no matter how cold it was and how his skin already felt like ice, he just wanted to get under the coat and the sweater and the shirt and make Newt react somehow. The blond just silently watched him, let him do whatever he wanted, and somehow it felt like a test and Thomas was scared of failing it.

“That’s it?” Newt broke the tense silence around them when Thomas just stood there, holding him.

“Thinking,” the brunet mumbled with a frown.

“About?”

“How to touch you without it being classified as groping,” he moved his hands a little lower as an experiment, getting no reaction. “Since it’s off the table.”

“Pfff.”

He hesitated, then gingerly let go of one side and reached for the zipper lodged under Newt’s chin, keeping the coat closed like a fortress. His hand barely cooperated with how frozen it was, but Newt still didn’t stop him and that encouraged him unfairly.

“Newt.”

“Yeah?” the blond’s voice was quiet and close to his face.

“What’s with all the texting?” He kept holding the zippier between his fingers like he couldn’t decide, and Newt made a soft huh? noise in the back of his throat.

“You were on your phone the whole day,” Thomas lowered his voice to almost a whisper. “Is there somebody…?”

A sigh. Thomas let go of the zipper.

“That’s Alby,” came a reply and if Thomas wasn’t already propped against the door, he’d take a step back. There was nowhere to run now, so he just let go of the blond completely, nodding.

“He’s my partner,” another string of words Thomas comprehended but wished he didn’t. “A bit demanding one.”

“Sounds like it,” he just commented, staring at his feet until Newt’s shoes came into view as well when he stepped closer.

Seriously testing me. That’s-

“A bit cruel,” he breathed out with a puff of white smoke and Newt pushed further and pressed his mouth against Thomas’. His cold lips lingered for a moment before parting, their breaths mingling, and Thomas’ heart fought really hard to get out of his chest and run away. The proximity was non-existent, Newt stood so close their chests were touching, and his eyes were so dark, and pupils blown wide Thomas got easily lost in them.

He always did. Nothing had changed.

“You look cold,” Newt whispered to his lips, hovering so close their mouths gently touched when they took a breath.

“Freezing,” Thomas answered in daze, holding back only by a miracle. He wanted to reach out and pull the blond man flush against him, to grind into him, to kiss him so deep his toes would curl, and he’d buck up, he just wanted so much it made him suffer.

“Alby’s my colleague,” Newt dropped quietly. “Funnily… you weren’t wrong about work being in a rush now. He’s struggling a little. Wanted to know my opinion.”

A colleague. And nothing else?

“Nothing else,” Newt answered like he could read his mind and then sagged against Thomas’ body like the energy just left him, resting his head on Thomas’ shoulder.

“I thought I can handle being this close to you,” he heard him mumbling into his shirt. “But the more I am, the less I can fight it.”

“I thought I can handle you dating somebody else,” Thomas added to it while letting his head fall back against the door with a dull thud. “But obviously not. It’s scary. I don’t want to fuck it up again.”

“Yeah,” Newt agreed with him. “Me neither.”

He wasn’t sure if this had been some sort of consensus they reached, or just a fling that happened because they were both lonely, but Thomas didn’t want to let go – even though he should have, logically, to protect them both. The pain they caused to each other three years ago was still there and festering under their skins, but the more Newt was pressed into him, breathing softly, the more Thomas noticed his reason slowly creeped away, like a thief in the night disappearing with loot.

But he wanted. For fuck’s sake how he wanted to just hold him close and promise him love and eternal happiness, and the scary part was he couldn’t promise shit. His love was real, but not unconditional, happiness was fleeting and simply relying on both of them and the rest of the world deciding whatever to fuck them up or not.

But…

“I give up,” he mumbled, weary to the bone. At Newt’s soft hm? he just sighed. “It’s fucking cold.”

The blond barked out a laugh, but nodded and let go of him, immediately taking all the warmth away.

“Then shall we assure them we’re not breaking up again?” he nodded towards the door and without waiting for Thomas’ reply he already reached for the handle. “Or not leaving tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” the brunet conceded. “Hannah’s going to be milking this for the rest of the week…”

“Serves you right,” Newt laughed quietly while opening the door and Thomas kept the answer to himself.

We’re not breaking up again rang in his head like a bell, deafening his reason even further. Newt didn’t protest when he reached for his hand on their way inside, and he wondered if his heart was ready for another trial.

He ignored the uncertainty and took a leap of faith.

#newtmas #tmr #the last resort series #the maze runner #izzymultifan #edit 17. 5. 2021

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nebulous-wanderings · 7 years

Text

Tsukista TV Ep 5 Summary Notes

This week’s episode focused on Washio Shuuto, who plays You, and Tani Yoshiki, who plays Yoru. Read under the cut for the summary, screencaps, and gifs! I have to say, I knew Tani was the type of person who goofs off, but this episode really exemplified that to an even greater extent. Shuuto is also a precious cinnamon roll who puts up with Tani’s antics all the time. You’re always welcome to correct me on anything or ask me stuff if my writing isn’t clear! (Side note: next week’s Ep 6 notes will be delayed due to my final exams, but Ep 1 will be posted shortly after the Ep 6 notes.)

Tani did that challenge again to describe Procellarum in six seconds. He got as far as to say it’s the latin word for “sea of storms” and that on stage Procellarum shines while singing and dancing.

Tomotsune calls them Tani-kun and Shuuto-kun

Discussing Tani’s Personality:

Tsubasa: He’s like a toy box (as in full of surprises) Tomotsune: So you pick him up and shake him? wwww

Tsubasa also said something about Tani being hot-headed and Tani complained. Tomotsune’s like “you made him boiling-mad now” but Tani’s yelling at him “I’m not hot-headed!!!!” (lol)

Yuusaku: “Tani-kun’s yellow-colored ‘image’ got stronger.” (By this I think they mean Tani’s connection to Yoru) Shuuto: “Well, he does always have a banana every day.” Tani: “I do not!”

Yuusaku says Tani’s like a dandelion

Tomotsune to Doi: “What do you think of Tani, Doi-san?” Doi: “‘Doi-san? Why aren’t you calling me ‘Doi-kun’ instead?”

Doi just agrees with Tsubasa and Yuusaku’s description. He also praises Tani’s skills. Tani says it makes him happy to hear that. Tomotsune: “Oh really? Stop being fake” wwww (I translated that to be more colloquial English, but that’s basically what Tomotsune said lol) Tani: *angrily* “What?? What do you mean?? This is a serious topic here” (he’s joking around as usual)

Shuuto: “He doesn’t have a bad mouth, he’s just a shitty brat” (he literally said “kusogaki” here, I’m dying lol)

(Tani laughing as Shuuto makes fun of him)

Discussing Shuuto’s personality:

Tomotsune says Shuuto is very skilled. “I want a Shuuto-kun in my family” www. Shuuto is super humble and is like “no, no, no” the entire time.

Tomotsune also says his line memorization is good. He said あんきもとこいいらしい (anki mo to ii rashii) but Tsubasa misheard the “ankimo” as one word which means monkfish liver lol

Doi agrees that Shuuto memorizes lines really fast. Shuuto’s reply was something like he studies lines as much as he can until he can’t do it anymore. (I wish I could understand it better since Shuuto was being really serious) Tani: *sarcastically* “Yes, of course. I, too, do that” Tomotsune: “Can you just…sit back for a bit.” Everyone laughs as Tomotsune tries to shut Tani up Shuuto: “It’s not your turn” wwwww Tani: “Yeah but I’m part of the nenchuu-gumi” wwww

Yuusaku: “Shuuto is extremely thorough” (he used some colloquial expression I had to look up). He gave an example where the six of them were at a photoshoot and Shuuto kept worrying about whether his shots were okay or not.

Tomotsune: “This has become a ‘Compliment Shuuto’ meeting” Tani: *sarcastically* “Ok let’s stop then”

Tomotsune asks about Shuuto’s parents. Shuuto: “If I asked my mom to pack a lunch for me, she’ll just give me a Weider In Jelly” (Weider is the company, “In Jelly” is the product. It’s an energy jelly drink) Tomotsune: *to the camera* “Hey, Shuuto’s mom, are you watching this??” Shuuto: “That’s okay, let her hear this” (lmao) Shuuto: “And the amount [of food she packed] wasn’t enough. My stomach was never full. The next day I would bring two lunches.” www

Tsubasa: “Shuuto doesn’t have any weakness. I think he’s invincible.” Tomotsune: “Shuuto, your popularity is rising.” Shuuto: “That’s a lot of pressure on me.” Tani says he should protect that likability of his.

Tomotsune asks Doi what he thinks Tani and Shuuto’s private lives are. But first he calls him Kazumi-san (Doi’s last name) and then he purposely miscalls him “Dote-san” since it’s one character off from Doi. Doi’s like “who is this ‘Kazoe’ you speak of??” (The joke is that one of the kanji’s for his last name means “ocean” but the “ka” in the Kazoe he said means “river” and Kazoe is also one syllable off from his actual last name) Shuuto: Oh snap, nice comeback!

Discussing an unexpected side of Tani:

Shuuto says whenever he goes to the theater or to practice it feels like Tani’s just relaxing at home. Tani will say “good morning” when he walks in, but he won’t do the warmup stretches. Instead, he’s somewhere brushing his teeth (lmaooooo)

Yuusaku says he feels like Tani brushes his teeth ten times a day since he always brushes them. Tomotsune: “You’re a toothbrush demon.” Tani: “Who are you calling a toothbrush demon??? It’s not like that.”

Discussing an unexpected side of Shuuto:

Tsubasa says Tani’s [weird] mannerisms rub off on Shuuto

(Tani being buddy-buddy with Shuuto)

Tani says (jokingly as always) that no one should stop Shuuto from becoming more like him.

Shuuto says the two of them are different types of people. “He doesn’t have substance, I have substance. He doesn’t have goals, I have goals.” www

(“Tsukista TV!!”)

For the “Everyday Life” video portion of the show, Tani and Shuuto are sitting on a couch in the cafe. They must’ve been talking about something before the camera cut in because they were laughing and Shuuto was like “Tani, calm down” and fed him his drink.

(Shuuto making Tani drink)

Shuuto’s “Everyday Life” video:

Shuuto is outdoors walking along a street. In the video he says “I have a few words for Taniyan: I want you to stop making unreasonable requests. Taniyan, you’re like a second grader but you’re 29 years old. You should start acting more like an adult. Even if it’s just a little bit, let’s both become proper adults. Alright, that’s all~ *waves at the camera* ”

Shuuto says there’s a difference in their mental ages versus their actual ages and that their characters’ personalities (You and Yoru) are reversed for their actual selves. Basically, Shuuto is more like Yoru whereas Tani is more like You.

Tani’s “Everyday Life” video:

They click “play” on the video but they don’t show it on the screen yet. All you hear so far is Tani screaming “buwaaaa~” in the video but then Shuuto pauses it.

Shuuto: “Are you hanging in midair in your everyday life??” Tani: “That’s from when I was in Oita on a day off. Just keep watching the video.”

(In the video, Tani is on one of those amusement park rides where you get dropped and swing in midair)

The first couple of seconds of the video is Tani on that ride, and that’s why he was screaming (lol)

The rest of the video is him talking to the camera while sitting in a moving van at night. It’s after practice, and he just talks about how he’s going home for the night and wants to eat something. “I’ll do my best for the show, and I’ll do my best for the remaining practices~ Please take care of me, Tsukista TV~”

Tani: “Wasn’t that drop scary?”

Tani then explains how that time when he’s off after practices accurately shows his everyday life.

Shuuto: “What time do you get off?” Tani: “About 3:00am” Shuuto: “That’s late!”

They move onto other topics like talking about their work and motivation

Tani: “Even though I’m reckless, I still like expressing myself through [the] words” (I think he was talking about portraying characters on stage ?)

Shuuto: “Even now, there are things in front of me, things I can’t do. At those times, I think ‘what am I supposed to do?’ I want to be able to get past stuff like that.”

Shuuto talks a lot about how he has to always have a clear goal in mind so that he always knows what he’s trying to accomplish. (Sorry this part’s so short, they talked a lot but since all of it was very motivational and abstract I couldn’t understand it too well…)

(“We are… Procellarum!!)

Tsukiusa T-shirt Designs:

(unveiling their designs)

Tani: I drew a moon~ (next to the moon it says “Yoru-yan” since Tani’s nickname is Taniyan)

Shuuto: I think my design is very Haduki You-like. He’s August [so he drew a sun] and also “genau” (of course lol) “I want a t-shirt that says GENAU on it”

Tani: “Let me add on to your drawing” *reaches for it*+ Shuuto: “I’m good. *pulls it away from Tani* It’s fine as it is” www

*video cuts to Tani drawing on Shuuto’s design anyway*

(Shuuto’s design ft. additional work by Tani)

Tani added a face to the sun and wrote “You-yan” so that their designs match (lol)

Tani: “Yeah! Now this is a design I want.” (Tani why you do dis to Shuuto) Shuuto: “Yes, thank you….”

Tani talking about his own design: It’s simple, and I put “Yoru-yan”

They wrap up the episode by saying thank you to the viewers and stuff and then the director says “cut” to end it. The camera is still rolling after that though, but it looks like the editor left this end bit in because after the director said “cut” Shuuto turns to Tani and said “I can’t believe you actually drew on it!” and you can hear the staff laughing.

#tsukiuta #tsukiuta stage #tsukista tv #tani yoshiki #washio shuuto #procellarum #my translation #my edits #this episode made me love both of them more

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