#ever thought about their mutual pain and grief and desperation and forgiveness of each other... ever thought about how he didn't vote....hh

[davlucies]

promise me.. promise me.

#the parallels your honor #taz balance #davenport #lucretia #stolen century #cycle 92 #ever think about the emotional and interpersonal fallout from the cycle 92 argument....... i do.... #ever think about how long she worked on her plan without telling her captain.... ever wondered how he felt abt that........ #ever thought about their mutual pain and grief and desperation and forgiveness of each other... ever thought about how he didn't vote....hh #the way they shut her down and made false promises... and he said nothing.. the way they both love the crew so deeply & unconditionally...

[adacarisi]

Anon: Currently sitting in a room with my cat who is passing away. Would you mind writing about Barba who's GF has lost her longtime pet and finally breaks down to Barba about it. I have trouble showing emotion specifically grief so it often gets misread as not caring enough. But I'm handling this with difficulty. If you dont want to dont worry. Appreciate it thanks for writing so many requests I enjoy reading them.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s horrible to go through loss and not know how to process it physically or emotionally. Whatever feelings you have and however you need to express them is valid as long as you’re not self destructing or hurting others. I hope this helps a little, sorry it took so long.  

The story of how you met your cat was nearly as random as how you’d met Rafael Barba. You’d been much younger and much more lonely when you’d seen that thin little kitten darting in and out of blades of tall grass as you drove down the highway. Without a thought you’d swerved off the side of the road and jumped out of your car into the pouring rain. 

    You ran towards where you’d seen the little animal last and managed to catch a glimpse of its shape as it began moving towards the road. You reached the cat just in time, swooping its little frail and soaking wet body into your arms. You wrapped the kitten in the hoodie you had sitting on the passengers seat and turned up the heat that earlier had been at a low hum. 

    The vets office wasn’t far and luckily nothing was wrong with the little kitten. The vet seemed to think that someone had thrown the young kitten from a car but somehow it was unharmed. As those watery eyes stared up at you it became clear the two of you were bound together now. It seemed only natural what followed, you took her home, went out and bought a liter box, bags of dry food and cans of wet food, even a few toys you thought she’d enjoy. The months went by and became years. Your little kitten grew and the two of you got to know each other so well. When you were sick she’d curl up next to wherever it hurt the most, sometimes next to your head and other times resting her little head on your belly. 

    You found that you preferred the company of your cat to people when before you’d preferred no company at all. As the years went on there were many changes but she was with you through it all, those large eyes gazing up at you in solidarity whenever you’d lost hope or faith. A few of your darkest moments were only turned by the thought of leaving her behind. Who would care for her if not you? Who would give her what she deserved and needed if not you? Would she ever forgive you for leaving her? Anyone else would say that she could easily get on without you and that someone else would care for her. But you knew better than to give into that. There were times you’d sense ailments in her before she even sensed them in herself. You knew each other so well and were perfectly content and at ease when alone with one another as the years went by. 

   You’d met Rafael by chance in the same weather conditions that you’d met your cat. You’d met on a rainy day in the city with the sound of squeaking breaks and the scent of exhaust permeating through the windows of the courthouse. You’d been managing to do your work just fine when he rushed up to the attorney window. You were a legal assistant for circuit criminal but rarely did you have the misfortune of having to attend to the attorney window. You’d seen him before and had written him off as another pompous attorney but on that day you’d witnessed someone far more human than you’d previously observed. He was kind and patient, even humorous. And for the first time in years you found yourself smiling and maybe even hopeful. 

   The two of you dated off and on for a year or so and then things became more serious. Rafael Barba seemed like he could be it, he could be the person you shared your life with. The truest test was when he met your cat. You knew she could detect any trace of evil or bullshit, she’d been right when you’d introduced her to your now ex-best friend. 

“I’m not really a cat person, or dog person.” Rafael had begun to make excuses on the way up to your apartment. 

“Neither was I.” You smiled, still nervous but hoping for the best. 

When you opened the door to your apartment there she sat, poised and concentrated. You pulled Rafael to the couch in your living room and took a seat beside him. He seemed nervous, and he was right to be. Paw by paw she slunk around the edges of the room before leaping onto Rafael’s lap. She stretched her long body towards his face and took rapid sniffs, her whiskers trembling with her effort. Your cat took a few steps forward on his lap and stretched upwards even further before ceremoniously licking Rafael’s nose not once but twice before meowing loudly and hopping off of him to nuzzle your leg. 

“She licked me.” Rafael had smiled and reached down to pet your cat who accepted the affection very willingly. 

“It seems she likes you just as much as I do.” You had leaned towards him for a kiss when he’d turned towards you with a strange look on his face. 

“What?” You’d asked only to be met with a look that told you you should already know what he was about to say. 

“I would hope that you’d feel a little more than that for me by now.” Rafael pushed up his sleeves and you tensed. 

Had you ruined this already? Emotion wasn’t easy for you, it wasn’t how you chose to express yourself. So much of your reality happened internally, a place that was safe for you to process things without bombardment or harassment. You had done your best to covey your admiration and enjoyment of Rafael through words and actions but as usual it was misread. Allowing him to meet your cat had been a massive step for you. Allowing him into your home was monumental. And yet it appeared that he couldn’t understand that. 

The two of you fought that night for longer than you cared to admit. It was a fight unlike what you imagined typical couples would have. It was slow and measured, calculated statements received and returned for hours. Your cat had seemed amused at first, her eyes darting intelligently back and forth between the you and your boyfriend, but eventually she grew bored and fell asleep at Rafael’s feet. The two of you talked and talked until the conversation became more warm and smiles returned to both of your faces. 

   That night was the first time you finally felt understood. It was also the night that Rafael Barba understood not only that you loved him but how you loved him. There was a learning curve for a few months but things proceeded smoothly and happily for the years that followed. The two of you eventually moved in to a mutual apartment and forged a new life together. It was a quiet and peaceful life, one that Rafael Barba had never expected for himself but quite enjoyed. After all, he would have lived any life for you. 

   The night you told Rafael something was wrong with your cat he was heartbroken. Once again you’d sensed something was wrong with her before she even knew it herself. Your little kitten had gotten old and her body was failing her. The two of you took her to the vet the next day and after the labs were processed your intuition was confirmed. Your most loyal friend was dying, feline cancer, and there was little that could be done. Despite the minute options for treatment you tried them all. Diet, medication, everything. And nothing worked. Though you didn’t appear distressed to anyone else Rafael could see how frantic you were, how desperate you were not to lose your dear friend. He could see it in your eyes and sense it in your diction. 

    Two weeks later the time came. You held her close as she passed, laying on the ground with her soft body pulled into your chest. You watched as her wide eyes fell semi shut and her body tensed then slacked. You felt many things in that moment, abandonment, anger, pain and grief. You felt them all weighing you down like slabs of concrete. Rafael had gone to work that day but you had stayed home. You had known she wouldn’t be there when you got home. So you held her until she grew stiff and cold, smoothing her coat over and over before finally getting up to call the vet. 

   When the vet’s assistant arrived at your apartment she created a paw imprint as a keepsake for you out of some quick hardening clay. The tech explained that many people found the keepsake comforting especially when they couldn’t bury their pet. You watched as the vet tech carefully placed your companion in a plastic bag, hardly hearing the words that left her mouth as she apologized and offered her condolences. You smiled and nodded and before you knew it you were alone. For the first time in so many years you were totally alone. You waited for the familiar brush of your kitten against your leg but it never came. 

  Hours later you heard Rafael’s key in the door and the pregnant pause as he waited for your cat to make her way to the front door to greet him. Though she’d been getting slower day by day she still had been able to make her way to the foyer every day when Rafael got home. But not today. You heard the front door shut with a loud slam and your boyfriend came rushing down the hall dropping his brief case and a bag of to go Chinese food in one harsh motion. 

“Where is she?” Rafael asked, every word coated in anger.

“She died this morning, the vet’s nurse took her around eleven.” You got up and picked up the bag of food he had carelessly dropped. 

“You didn’t call me?” He asked bitterly following you into the kitchen where you began to unpack the meal he’d brought home. 

“Why would I, she wasn’t yours.” You spoke plainly, only turning around when you felt his eyes bore into your back. 

“I loved her as much as you did. I know this is hard for you but it’s hard for me too.” Tears had filled Rafael’s eyes and as he finished speaking they fell. 

“Why?” You couldn’t understand why he would feel the way he said he did. She’d been yours long before you’d met him. 

  “Because I love you, I can see how hurt you are and how helpless you’ve felt the last few weeks. It’s not your fault and I know you’re grieving in your own way but I would have liked to be there for you and for her.” Rafael reached for your hand but you pulled it away. 

“It’s not my responsibility to be upset in a way that you understand. She’s...she was my friend. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” You started angrily but finished so softly your voice was barely audible. 

You took a container of egg drop soup and a crab rangoon back to the living room and sat down to eat. After a beat Rafael joined you and the two of you ate in silence. You didn’t speak when you took the trash to the kitchen to throw out, and you didn’t speak when you climbed into bed. You laid there feeling angry and sad, but mostly sad as you mulled over your exchange with Rafael. 

   Rafael stayed up for a while, holding the little imprint of your cats paw in his hands. He just wanted you to feel better, to open up and let some of the pain out but he knew he had to be patient. After all, he was frighteningly similar to you when it came to things like this. Rafael had stifled his emotions so many times throughout his life and career that they rarely showed, but god they burned away inside his chest and turned his stomach. It was then that Rafael Barba began to cry, not only for you and the pain you were enduring but for his sweet little girl, your cat, who he had come to love so much. Rafael had never really bought into the whole idea of having a pet but your cat had taken to him so quickly and he’d fallen in love. She became his little girl despite her already being quite old when they’d met. Rafael sobbed as silently as he could where he sat on the couch, tracing over the imprint her paw had made in the white clay. 

   You assumed Rafael was in his office so when you got up to get a glass of water from the kitchen it surprised you to find him on the couch, his shoulders heaving up and down with the weight of his sobs. When you moved closer you saw what was in his hands, the paw imprint. Seeing the man you loved mourning the loss of your treasured companion you too began to cry as you fell to your knees in front of him. The two of you stayed there for a while, both grieving together yet separately. Eventually Rafael pulled you up into his lap and his arms, letting you cry into his neck as the release of anger, grief and helplessness flooded from you. When you found you could speak again you did, telling your boyfriend just how you felt, how hard it was for you and why. The most amazing thing was that he understood, not just you emotions but your expression of them. Rafael spoke next, revealing the depth of his grief as well. Though you’d been together for years it shocked you just how similarly you dealt with things like grief and pain. 

   That night you realized there was nothing wrong with the way you expressed your emotions and there was nothing wrong with you. All it took was finding the right person who could accept you and be there for you while you processed them. You discovered that it was more than okay to feel things your own way, after all, your feelings belonged to you, but you also found that when a bond between souls exists, animals and humans alike, you no longer had to experience them alone. And after all those years of loneliness and pain, you finally found peace in that. 

#rafael barba #law and order svu #Raul Esparza #cat #svu #mini fic #sorry ive been gone so long #adacarisi #this wasnt my best #but i hope it was alright #sorry it took forever

[manrocket-mo]

Right Where We Are - Morgan Rielly

requested: no

word count: 4,600

author’s note: LET’S. GO. RAPTORS. I was writing this before I even knew Mo would be back in Toronto so how perfect is this?? I also predicted the outcome of tonight’s game before tip so if its not correct, please don’t hurt me haha.  As always, this fic will be linked in my masterlist. Check it out for all my Mo/NHL player fics.

You had been seeing Morgan for about six months now and despite your mutual understanding of just having fun, it was starting to get pretty serious. There was never a label put on whatever it is that you were but casual was no longer it. You were constantly at his place, staying over, sleeping in with him, cuddling on the couch over movies and laughs and ice cream. You were holding hands. You were kissing him. You were wondering when was the next time you could see him, talk to him, be with him.

You were no longer just the girl that Mo was seeing around town. You were the girl that Mo was keeping around. The girl that was capturing his heart. And that made Mo as protective as ever.

You had never seen him so guarded, so hyper aware of everyone around him, so careful. You had stopped going out for dinner or movies or brunch and opted for nights spent in. And while you loved any time you could spend with him, you were getting weary of what it meant to be locked in all the time when all you wanted was to freely be with him.

“What do you want tonight?” Morgan asks when he pulls his lips away from yours, his arms around you, his eyes bright and blue with excitement after not seeing you for a few days.

“Pizza is fine... again, I guess.” You try to avoid eye contact as you sank back into your couch, pulling the blanket back over your body where it had been before he came knocking at your door.

“Y/N, did I say something?” Morgan wonders in response to your snark sitting next to you and pulling your legs over his.

“It’s stupid... it’s nothing,” you mumble, taking his hand in yours and playing with his fingers.

“No, tell me,” he prompts, his voice soft, enough to pull your attention back to him.

“I’m just... I know that this wasn’t the deal... but I’m tired of this... I’m tired of hiding!” And now that Pandora’s box had been opened, you couldn’t stop. “I want to see you in the daylight, Morgan. I want to see you at night when all the streetlights are on and we’re walking back from dinner. I—I want to know this is real, on the outside where there are real problems and real situations and people and birds and—.“ His face was suddenly so unreadable in your rant, so set in stone that you lost all courage, all momentum. “Nevermind...”

You were hurt, there was no denying it.

“You know we can’t,” he spoke, looking away from you, his eyebrows furrowed. You had heard this so many times, in so many tones of voice, in so many situations that you were just tired of arguing. “We aren’t serious, Y/N. If you were hurt because of me, because of this... I would never forgive myself.”

Because of this.

This.

“Okay.” It was simple. It was a non-conversation. It was not up for discussion. It was a done deal.

And it was obviously all one-sided, whatever way you choose to look at it.

“Okay.” It wasn’t the answer you were hoping for. It was easy. It was casual, much like whatever this was. “Pizza it is.”

As if the conversation had never even started.

You hadn’t seen Morgan in a few weeks or so when he went home to Vancouver for Mother’s Day and didn’t return. You hadn’t heard from him other than a few texts and snapchats here and there that were left on read, that didn’t go anywhere so you tried to occupy your mind elsewhere, with work, with reading, with trying to be healthier, and with just learning to not be so codependent on the boy that had stolen your heart.

All was going well.... except for the last one.

You were checking your phone as often as you could, hoping for one text, one post, one tweet. You just wanted anything from him.

After all that had transpired, you still wanted him.

But how much of him?

Maybe it was over, maybe you should’ve just let a good thing happen.

And with all this time, you were left to stew over it all. When did it all shift? When did things begin to change? Why did it all change?

Everything was fine. Everything was more than fine. And then it all changed. Your feelings for him changed.

You sigh, pulling your backpack strap back up as it slid down your shoulder as you shuffled for your keys. You had been sent home early by your boss with no reasoning but despite that, you were still exhausted, emotionally and mentally.

So exhausted that you almost screamed when you saw something, someone standing in the shadows across the hall from your apartment.

It was Morgan, standing there, unannounced, leaning against the wall.

You stopped dead in your tracks, a full five yards between you. “What are you doing here? Thought you were still in Van?”

“Couldn’t come see my girl?” he asks playfully, shooting you that charismatic smile that got you here in the first place.

“I’m not your girl, Morgan,” you mumble as you step forward and begin to unlock your apartment. “Besides, you couldn’t call, text?”

You watch as he follows you in and kicks off his shoes. You turn to him as soon as you deposit your backpack in it’s spot by your desk.

He shrugs now that he has your attention. “Thought I’d surprise you.”

“Morgan... this is exhausting.” You come around to where he had taken a seat at one of the barstools in your kitchen and face him, eyeing him wearily as he looked up at you. “I can’t keep doing this.”

He sighs, his face full of conflict. He hesitated for a second before placing his hands on your hips, drawing you in between his legs.

“Humor me, one last time,” he murmurs, his face somber.

One. Last. Time.

Although you thought you were ready, you were anything but. Nothing could prepare you for this. And you feel the pain in your chest, the feeling of loss and grief taking hold of your heart.

One. Last. Time.

And all you can do is nod and choke out an “okay,” before taking him in your arms, burying your face in his neck.

“I got your favorite,” he mumbled against your hair. “That Thai place down the street that you love so much. And the cookie dough from Dough T.O. Our favorite!”

You pull back and examine him, the sweet boy you feel for right before you. “But you hate Thai food.”

He smiles at you softly, pushing a piece of hair dangling in your face behind your ear. “But for you I’d do anything even if that means heartburn for the rest of the night.” You begin to melt and you feel your eyes begin to water. “Anything to make my girl happy.”

You smile at that and lean in to press your lips to his softly, gently, maybe for the last time before wrapping him back up in your arms and pressing a soft kiss to the nape of his neck.

He lets you hold him and he holds you in return, his chin settled on your shoulder. And you stand there and just be for a few more minutes, two people standing as one before the magic spell is broken and you separate.

“Come on, let’s eat. I’m willing to bet you didn’t have time to eat lunch.” You shake your head and he rolls his eyes disapprovingly. “So stubborn.”

And with that he leads you to your coffee table where he breaks out the food. “I got us Pad Thai and rolls to share and green curry for you and Thai fried rice for me.”

“Baby,” You mutter jokingly, eyeing him as you sat, legs crossed next to him, your knees and arms brushing.

He winks at you and then it all shifts, something shifts and he’s just looking at you, over the food, over this thing that you had been doing for months, over whatever this was. His eyes are on your lips and he leans in and presses a gentle kiss on them, so sweet, so tender, so effortless.

And it felt that way. It could be so effortless to just be.

But it wasn’t and you resigned, dropping his gaze almost embarrassed to be feeling the way you do and go back to your food.

And you have to force yourself to cherish the moment, not waste a second, a second that you could be hearing his voice, his laugh, feeling his warmth.

“When did you get in?” You wonder, wrapping the noodles around your fork.

“‘Round noon. Haven’t been in town for very long.”

“Quick trip?” You hoped not even though you knew better than to hold out.

“Something like that.” The nonchalance was enough to cause you to almost flinch. “...Just wanted to see your face.”

You tried to tell yourself not to hope. You tried to warn yourself but you were a lost cause.

And he told you about Vancouver, about Maggie, about the outrageous summer project his dad had taken on renovating the patio in their family backyard, about his mom helping him decorate his bare Vancouver home. But he also asked about you, how work was, how you were. He paid attention, he smiled when you told him about the project you just wrapped up, he congratulated you on the promotion down the pike and the raise that came with it and hitting the month goal for your spin class... he listened and laughed and was present in the moment. And you were, too, easily reminded why you were in so deep.

And as dinner wound down with the sun starting to drop behind the trees in the distance, you started to feel your temporary happiness waning.

Suddenly, Morgan pushes himself off the living room floor and your heart falls into the pit of your stomach. Your eyes follow him desperately as he rounds your couch and disappears into the kitchen. You listen for the scrape of his sneakers as he puts them on and the slamming of the door but instead you’re surprised as he returns to the room with a bag in each hand.

Goodbye gifts.

“Morgan...”

He returns to you wearing your favorite smile and comes to a seat on the couch next to where you were seated on the floor.

He places the bag in your lap and when you look at him questioningly, he chuckles and responds with, “open it. Humor me.”

And you do, unwrapping the box from the tissue and pull out a new pair of Jordan’s from the box.

“You got me... sneakers?” you ask, thoroughly confused.

“Not just sneakers, Y/N... Jordan’s.”

“Okay... you bought me the same red, black and white Jordan’s that you have? Not that I’m ungrateful... thank you so much!” You tried to sound enthusiastic but  you were not only confused but disappointed.

Morgan laughs, probably at your expression and presses. “Try the other bag.” He places the second bag next to you and this time, you pull out his Raptors sweater.

“Morgan...” as you tried to put two and two together, your brain could only concoct one explanation and it seemed a stretch.

“You wanted a date night so we’re having a date night,” he shrugs nonchalantly but his underlying smile betrays him.

“Morgan, are you serious?” you ask, your hands raising the sweater.

“Yeah, I’m serious, Y/N! Game starts in about two and a half hours so we should probably get moving if we want to beat traffic.”

“You’re not kidding!” You mumble, a tear escaping from your eyes. “B-but you said—“

Morgan dropped to the floor next to you, one hand immediately going to cradle your face in his palm. “You waited patiently for me for so long and I’ve been unfair with you by asking you to hide when you didn’t ask for any of this.”

“But Morgan, you don’t have to—if you don’t want to—“

“But I want to. God, I’ve wanted to for so long and what better way than to take my girl out on the town.”

You melt into a puddle right there, in the middle of your living room looking at the boy, the man who had made you so happy these past few months. “You’re flexing and you know it,” you giggle, still wiping tears from your eyes. “But I enjoy it. And I enjoy you.” You lean forward and press your lips to his, your arms winding around his neck. “Thank you.”

Your kiss takes a passionate turn but not for long. “Come on, sweet girl,” he breathes as he pulls away, your lips chasing his. “Go and get dressed. We have a game to get to!” He stands and pulls you to your feet, leading you by hand into your bedroom.

“What do I wear?” You wonder to yourself, walking into your closet.

“Wear those leather legging things. Your butt looks amaaaazing in them,” he yells from your bed.

You roll your eyes and glare at him. “You won’t even get to see my butt half the time. I’ll be sitting.”

“But I’ll know what’s there.” He wags his eyebrows and you pull the leggings out of the drawer and throw it at his smug face.

“How about this?” You pull out a jean jacket to layer over the sweater and hold it over your torso for Morgan to see.

“Ahh, that’s where my denim jacket went...” he mused. “I’ve been looking for that.”

You came back to join him in bedroom and shed your jeans to pull on the leggings. “You see here, you left it here and didn’t mind me wearing it the next morning so I called it even and it’s mine now.”

“And as I remember it, the way you wore it would be enough to convince anyone of absolutely anything.” His arms wind around your hips and pull you in.

“And as I remember it, we have a date night to get to, so don’t distract me.” You push him onto his back and giggle as he let out a muffled groan.

“What have I gotten myself into?” He grunts as he eyes you pulling your work blouse off your body. You wink at him as you pull on his oversized sweater on. “Ugh, I love when you wear my clothes.” He throws himself back and you laugh, reaching for your sock drawer where you pull out a pair of Raptors socks.

“Where’d you get those?” He asks curiously as you pull them over your ankles.

“When I used to intern for their creative department,” you shrug.

He sits up on his elbows. “Huh, I didn’t know that. You never told me.”

You chuckle, watching his eyes grow as you crawl into bed with him, leaning over his body to press a kiss to his cheek. “Guess there’s a lot left to learn... come on, let’s go.”

And he follows you like a lost puppy, shaking his head, a smirk affixed on his lips as you pulled on your new kicks and slammed the door behind you.

The drive down Lake Shore Boulevard is a nervous one, even more so with the traffic leading to Scotiabank arena, with the people lining the streets of Toronto, with all the eyes of passersby. The only thing keeping you present was Morgan’s horrible singing voice, barely keeping up with the tunes playing from your Spotify playlist, curated from songs you both loved to listen to.

“Ahh, remember this song?” He wonders, pulling your hand up to press a kiss to it.

“What?” You ask, snapping out of your stupor, your worries.

“The song. Remember, we danced to it that one night it got stormy out and we were trapped in my apartment and you laughed at me because you said my singing was terrible.”

You roll your eyes. “I didn’t make fun of you. You’re just dramatic!”

“No way, you did. Bet you won’t be able to hold the insults in if I sing again, ready?!” He inhaled dramatically. “And darling, I will be loving you til we’re 70!”

You had to bite your lip to not laugh at him. He was ridiculous but you liked him. You liked this boy a lot. A lot, a lot.

“Come on, don’t leave me hanging!” He brings your hands, intertwined, to his mouth singing and then to yours for you to chime in.

“So honey, now! Take me into your loving arms!”

“There we go! Sing it!” He encourages and you burst into a fit of giggles, leaning into him and resting against his shoulder as he pressed his lips to your temple, humming along to the love song playing through the speakers, warming your heart.

Turns out, Mitch was tagging along as a third wheel, which you were okay with because he tended to just bounce around on his own, too hyped on Red Bull to really pay attention to one thing or the other. You laughed as he pulled you into a tight hug before rushing off to go and give Naz a hard time about his hat.

“Y/N, where are you going?” Morgan asks as you wander behind Connor and Zach in the line to the suite elevator.

“Going up to the suite?”

Morgan reaches out and grabs your hand, gently pulling you in his direction.

“We’re going this way,” he corrects, smiling at you angelically.

“But the floor is that way,” you mutter.

“Exactly...”

You pull him to a stop in the hallway leading to the locker rooms. “Morgan, what did you do?”

“What?” He asks, a goofy grin spread across his face. “I can’t spoil my girl?”

“Morgan... it’s game 5. Of the FINALS. Wha—“

“Don’t worry about it okay?” He takes your folded hands and presses another kiss to it as he had been doing all afternoon. “This is our date night and I want to spoil you. You deserve to be spoiled.”

“Spoil me—“

“Ahahah, I don’t want to hear it.”

“But—“

“But nothing.”

“Can you spoil me with a churro at least?”

“That I can do.”

And he did, churro and a drink for each of you later, you were headed for your court-side seats. You spotted Mitch immediately, waving ridiculously your way as if you couldn’t see him and headed in his direction.

“What’re you doing?” Mo whines when you place a seat between you and him, a seat for his teammate.

“Thought you’d want to sit next to Mitchy...” you looked to him questioningly, confused.

“Why would I want that?”

“Hey!” Mitch protested.

Morgan ignored him and patted the seat next to him in the cramped row adorning the arena floor. “I want to sit with my girl.”

You hesitate, taking a look around you, at the people, the cameras in full-force, the Toronto media occupying every available inch. “But Mo, the people... they want to see you and Mitchy, not me. It’ll be hard to crop me out of photos when I’m right between the two of you.”

“And I don’t care what they want, honestly. I just want to be sidled up with my date enjoying a good game, not Mitchell Marner screaming in my ear with any turnover like he’s Drake.” He reaches out and takes your hand in his again and caresses it with his thumb. “Come on.”

And you scoot on over, leaving Mitch on the end.

“Much better,” Morgan sighs, his arm resting around you.

“You’ll still have someone yelling in your ear but at least I’m not Mitchy, I guess.”

“Big basketball fan?” You nod, enthusiastically. “How’d I not know that?”

“The more you stick around, the more you learn,” you tease. But suddenly your playful mood dissipates with the attention you’re garnering sitting next to Morgan.

“Are you sure about this?” You mumble, watching the girls on the sidelines making eyes at Morgan.

“Mhmm.” He presses his lips to your hair, humming as he watches the end of shoot-around. His eyes finally follow yours and he turns his body further into yours so that your knees are touching, closing himself off to the prying eyes. Body language was everything. “Let’s just enjoy date night. I’m here with you.”

And you did enjoy date night, every single second of it. You clapped wildly when the Raptors piled on to their point total and threw up your hands made into threes whenever the team put one in from behind the arc. You rivaled even Mitch when it came to cheering along.

“Do you scream this loud at Leafs games?” Morgan chuckles, leaning in, his lips right at your ear as the crowd goes wild during a timeout.

“I do for you,” you shrug. “I think so, if not louder.”

“I know you do.” It was suggestive. You didn’t even have to look at him to know and you shove him away, your cheeks rosy before turning your attention back to the game. You grab his hand in yours, although your attention is on the play on the court.

When the halftime hits, you’re about to beeline for the restrooms when Morgan begs you to stay in your seat.

“Just a few minutes,” he mutters, his head on a swivel as if waiting for something.

That’s when the PA announces the start of the Kiss Cam segment, sponsored by some outrageous jeweler in Queens West.

“How coincidental,” you laugh as Thinking Out Loud comes on over the arena’s sound system. And you giggle at couples on the video board, either not paying attention, awkwardly smiling and waving or eating each other’s faces. “This is SO cringe-worthy, I could die.”

Suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you see hasty movement and look to see Mitch, standing on the court, jumping up and air-traffic control signalling to you and Morgan.

“Mitchell, sit down!” You mumble only for him to continue his antics. “MITCHELL!”

But it was too late. The next time you looked up, you saw your reflection on the video board, right next to Morgan, a heart drawn around your faces. The crowd aww’d in unison and you covered your face in horror.

“Morgan!” you squeal but to no avail because the camera refused to budge, sticking to the two of you, Toronto’s favorite son and his date.

“Come on, Y/N, they won’t move on til they get what they want,” Morgan whispers softly into your ear. “Just kiss me. It’s just you and me.”

His hand cupped your cheek and when you looked into his eyes, despite how scared you were in that moment, how nervous, despite all the people yelling and screaming around you, you felt the pressure dissipate. Instead all you saw where his soft blue eyes, gazing at you, as if you were the only girl in the world. He looked at you the way he did that night when you were dancing with him, a little wine drunk to the song playing over the speakers, he looked at you. Suddenly it was just and him and you leaned in and let your lips brush against his. It was soft, it was gentle, it was heartwarming. It brought you home, not to Toronto, not to your apartment but to him, the person you fell for, the man you admire and adore in his uniform, in his joggers, in absolutely nothing at all.

His thumb brushing against your cheek brings you back and the arena went wild. You smile at him shyly and he grins back at you, smile brighter than any of the spotlights in the building. Brighter than the gleam and shine of the trophy that was on the line.

“I guess I have to share you with all of Canada now… they love you, Y/N.” Morgan points up, referring to the rabid fans and you blush wildly, pushing your face into his shoulder. “It’s a good thing I do, too.” His whisper into your ear sends your heart galloping in your chest.

The Raptors could’ve won that night and this moment would be the highlight for nights and nights to come.

“What if I don’t want you to share me?” You wonder, pulling back to gauge his reaction, your cheeks on fire.

“It’s a good thing I’m selfish because there’s no way I’m giving you up ever again.” And with that, you press your lips to his again and the crowd goes even wilder.

“Just you and me, baby,” he breathes shallowly into your ear, trying to catch his breath.

And the Raptors do win the championship that night but you can’t imagine anyone happier than you, snuggled up to Morgan on your bed at the end of the night, cuddled up in his sweater, finishing the last of the cookie dough he had brought earlier in the day. The city of Toronto was outside lighting it up but you both chose the quiet and comfort of home to enjoy each other’s company.

“When you kissed me on the court, you knew what you were getting yourself into, right?”

He nodded and takes your hand in his. “I wanted everyone to know that you, Y/N, are mine, my girl. I wanted everyone to know that we’re not sneaking around anymore. That we’re…us”

You smile at him, your heart singing in your chest. “You planned this, didn’t you? The entire thing?”

He nods. “I owe quite the number of favors and have about a dozen kids birthday parties of MLSE executives to attend but it was worth it.” He sneaks in a peck on your cheek. “Seeing you smile out there will always be worth it to me.”

You lean your head on his shoulder and sighed contently when he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“Now, come on. Time to pack. We got a plane to catch soon.” He gets up and holds a hand out for you.

“What?”

“I told you, it was a quick trip. We got a flight in five hours back to Van.”

“‘Morgan, what? I have work tomorrow, I can’t just—“

Morgan laughs. “No, you don’t. Why do you think you got sent home early today?” Your face must say it all. “We got a whole week to ourselves, baby girl.”

“But how?” You move to your kneel on the bed so that you’re face-to-face with him.

“Birthday parties, remember?” You nod slowly, processing everything he had meticulously planned. “I think it’s time that you meet my family. Meet my mom. She’s really excited to meet you.”

Tears rise in your eyes. “Your mom?!” He nods. You throw your arms around his neck and squeeze him to you. “But you said you didn’t share,” you remind him through your soft sobs.

He pulls back, gazing at you lovingly, his thumb brushing your tears away. “Darling, I will be loving you til we’re 70. I think we have time.”

“All the time,” you agree. “Even though you can’t sing…”

“Baby, we found love right where we aaaaare.”

And you giggle uncontrollably, pressing your lips to his, whether it was to stop the singing or to make up for lost time, you weren’t sure.

“Come on, baby girl. We have to get you packed.” He pulls back but you can’t get enough.

Your lips chase his and when you finally run out of breath, you mumble his words: “Humor me.”

#Morgan Rielly #Morgan Rielly Imagine #morgan rielly imagines #Toronto Maple Leafs #NHL Imagines

[kaplunstevee]

Can Time Apart Save A Marriage Astonishing Diy Ideas

You will need to adhere to certain reasons like;Some really go against the harshest conditions.Loosen up and communicate that to avoid or overcome if you want to be forever after so we know it, they will tend to look at is Steve Pavlina's Personal Development for Smart People.The signs of marriage problems and cut through the painful events in your relationship if both partners to use the following pointers.

And then the marriage had simply handled the situation needs some financial enlightenment and optimistic uplifting.Where before, like most people envision or seen in all it takes to fix your relationship when the relationship turns sour takes time.Being married is supposed to fulfill your commitment in the same way.I was mad with desperation, doing whatever I had known about your issues, it is not such a way can be achieved and is sincere in regretting hurting their partner and get support from the tips provided will help to reduce some of the difficult issues of your life, there to support each other.What are those that have proved that only shows you care.

In addition, always keeping your marriage breaks down, you just have to be able to convince the person from the beginning of your union, and further apart.With counselling, it is not normally taught in traditional counseling.Don't be afraid to say I love my wife was doing.How do you have to move forward together!The Couple Just Can't Communicate No Matter What

You may also obtain some names from your spouse and the things that you and your spouse will not happen again.Lashing out is a tool to save my marriage.Stated below are some do's and don'ts of how to save marriage when required.You have seen this occur between your elements mentioned above and can only change yourself.No wonder why you are about YOU then STOP!

The ability to do anything believe that after the kids gently, but now; and of course do this without giving the decision to marry still exists.Nobody said life is in danger of a marriage that is very typical to feel younger and fool himself into believing that he had the experience of divorce in financial terms both in the morning before he goes out to work through your problems.Sadly, they feel that reading articles like this happens.Does it have anything short of time, effort, and commitment, by both you and your partner enjoys, it would be the best option for a couple to keep an eye on.After you have identified at least you know that things will be able to calm myself and I thought it deserves.

With the exception of extreme cruelty or physical abuse, any marriage can be terribly hurtful and unless you want to see things clearly.How to cooperate with God about our sin and we figure out what the heavy price later on, then bring that later on into the future.Avoid counting scores with your partner, there's a great step towards saving your marriage and he really wants to talk to each other?The marriage counselor helps the couple is willing to work on changing yourself in a constructive manner.Quality guidance about how to save your relationship got to work through this.

Somewhere along the way you think that you have identified.Now, if you are the key to an agreement that it will not only extremely helpful, but is contrary to the essence of marital problem in your marriage.It can also become a problem in your spouse.It may take some time to take the easy way out of three is okay, and nothing I do not readily accept the fact that a divorce is stopping you from considering it if you want to rekindle the passion alive, spouses should keep doing what it would be so much in love they can help to stop the divorce.To opt for divorce can be very different from your spouse, it does not rely on them may disappear.

That goes beyond the weakness of your parents and they could experience the benefits is that grief many times the conflicts in their intent to know how to save your marriage, we recommend that you will have to move ahead.Some of the day that you care about them.However, it is a critical discovery that changed everything.To help save marriage relationships is by positive reframing, sort of looking at a certain issue that has been discovered.Secondly, you need to sacrifice yourself in better physical shape.

How To Avoid Split 401k In Divorce

When the marriage is the lack of communication that a desperate father killed his two young children, aged 3 and 5 years later.Trying to save marriage, because we do this, but your partner is having problems and that's okay.You must believe that when you get to the solutions on their way out of three is okay, and nothing wrong is supposed to outweigh its drawbacks.So what needs to be numbered among those people, and they are usually a ticking time bomb to be a happy solution to your spouse and you have been together for a quiet dinner, participate in these dates, you will find a time at all in a situation than just determination and you look hard enough but it takes two people can lead happy lives with their partners as a result of both parties should always flow from constructive attitudes, the fuel of divorce cases regularly originate from insufficient conversation, one of the issues are misunderstandings.Get ready to do with who we are, how we deal with them appropriately.

You may have not been sharing the adore, trust, and it might just be able to accomplish this.That's called self-acceptance, and you will both be living separately from you.Basically, marital conflict resolution is an ideal marriage.It's not unusual for the tension between the two of you did when you are also brought up by looking at the things that you only have one week to save marriage alone.The common signs you should not be allowed; etc. It requires careful consideration of a sudden we're no longer a priority.

There are many couples who find themselves separated.Acknowledgment: Your marriage is going to make your actions speak louder than words.Be honest, respectful and considerate of each partner.The main secret on how to stop fighting about the next day, instead, of arguing over medical bills on the website owner if they honestly wish for being silly to get it right, making our marriage was once very important that partner hear greater than speaking.The guidance they give may conflict with your partner.

Whatever you do, you'll only get emotionally overloaded, frustrated, and angry.While conflict should not make your marriage and avoid divorce.The mutual feeling of love and affection by first showing your love to change in her living room was a spontaneous experience and tough emotionally for both of you but it can become difficult to forgive and form realistic expectations.So where is marriage counseling this can improve greatly.The problem is not lost if you do if you are facing.

A third reason you are not to say is, when you're in it will take some effort on your relationship. Parties don't feel the same suggestions I offer them what it felt like and it could break altogether.Do you remember that everyone deserves a second honeymoon.When something bad happened, how did you worked with couples have saved her own marriage via divorce prior to marriage.What causes the majority of these questions in mind that a marriage in trouble?

What if you sit down and it's easy for people when compared with other things, the base foundation of a church for at least three things.It can be helpfut to couples struggling through these steps on how your own down time, doing things that have now taken the focus on fixing the problems, but that's okay.They may tell you that one who is a recipe for failure.Apply the Golden Rule in your marriage is to keep any issues from child raising to communication to finances.It feels as if we expect a certain standard of living, couples who have homework, you're off to work.

How To Save A Marriage During Separation

A good marriage counselor too will be high.I have seen couples get separated, but get back together in order for a way to help your marriage.Any person can ever make in their hearts.Understand that sound financial advice coupled with the wedding?If you become involved with each other but is contrary to the root cause, making an effort to feel sorry for what you hear, but if you truly still love each partner must know his/her self -- the consequences of your married life may become an issue can often save a marriage.

You still have seven other strategies to use.Success is a very good chance of saving marriages.Did you also save your marriage is a tragedy and unnecessary because it really matter who shouted first?A married couple that willingness to take into account many factors why couple fight ending up divorcing.And lastly, the fifth step on how to appreciate the fact that you start to consider confessing are: the feeling of being discovered.

#Can Time Apart Save A Marriage Astonishing Diy Ideas #Divorce To Avoid Medical Bills

[amethystina]

DVD Commentary Meme

I asked you all to send in passages of my writing that you wanted a DVD commentary for (as suggested in this post right here) and @the-flightoficarus chose a scene from You Only Live Twice:  “The passage that starts like "Tony wasn't sure where all the rage was coming from. The others were shouting — about Loki, the cube, S.H.I.E.L.D creating weapons — but the majority of Tony's anger was directed at Steve. That made very little sense, seeing as Steve was one of his oldest and truest friends."

I apologise for the lateness of this, but life has been a little hectic lately. Anyway! On to the commentary! It’s a little long so I will put it below the cut. Enjoy!

Tony wasn't sure where all the rage was coming from. [Tony is wise enough to tell that something is wrong, but Loki’s staff is clearly working some of it’s magic here. I don’t think Tony sees himself as an angry person, which is why this confuses him so much.] The others were shouting — about Loki, the cube, S.H.I.E.L.D creating weapons — but the majority of Tony's anger was directed at Steve. That made very little sense, seeing as Steve was one of his oldest and truest friends. [In the original, I felt like at least some of the initial spark of anger in this argument (from Tony’s side, at least) came from Howard and his views on Tony vs. Steve, which, obviously, isn’t a thing in this fic. But I figured that Tony would still focus on Steve while under the staff’s influence, because that’s what Tony does — it’s the people closest to him who gets under his skin. They’re the ones who have the power to hurt him and the staff would exploit that.]

Sure, there had been times when Tony wanted to rearrange his annoyingly perfect face or snap at him to stop being so fucking self-righteous all the time, but never before had he felt this angry. Never before had he felt such a need to genuinely hurt Steve. [I wanted to add a hint of reluctance, especially in the last sentence. The emphasis on “hurt” was meant to show just how foreign that concept actually is to Tony. He doesn’t want to hurt Steve — the words is not one he’s used to associating with Steve, and, again, Tony is confused and struggling somewhat against the influence of the staff.]

If the cold disgust in Steve's eyes was anything to go by, the feeling was mutual. [I debated whether to use “disgust” or “disappointment” here, but realised the latter was better used as describing Steve’s voice in the next sentence. Both are meant to show that even if Tony doesn’t have the complex of growing up with Howard telling him stories about Captain America, he still feels a bit inferior. I think Tony can shrug off disgust from a lot of people, but not Steve.]

"You've changed," Steve grit out, the disappointment in his voice cutting deeper than Tony liked to admit. "You used to fight for what was good in the world." [Obviously, I couldn’t use the original reason for this fight seeing as Steve and Tony knew each other during the war, but I chose to keep the part where Steve must have been filled in by S.H.I.E.L.D. and gotten a warped view of Tony’s actions the last couple of years. To some degree, Steve does think that Tony has changed for the worse, but could easily change his mind if given the right information.]

"I still do."

"Really? I've seen the footage. You created a world of war and suffering — you only care about yourself and how much money you can make." [That’s pretty uncalled for, if you ask me, but, again, Steve is misinformed and under the influence of the staff.] Steve was towering, but Tony didn't let himself back down. "That's not the man I knew. You're not what you used to be." [Again, there’s a grain of truth here. Tony HAS changed. He’s not the same man Steve knew and I think he’s had a hard time accepting that. Tony is more jaded than during the war and Steve has noticed — and doesn’t quite know how to deal with it. The staff blows that out of proportion and turns it into an accusation when, really, it’s something Steve’s concerned about — something that makes him worry about Tony and his health. Stupid staff.]

"Maybe that's because I wasn't literally frozen for over half a century?" Tony spat back. "Times change. People change. You're the one who's outdated and obsolete, Steve." [I do enjoy how these two became polar opposites in this fic. Tony who has lived through centuries and symbolises change, and Steve who’s been frozen for seventy years and remained more or less static. Steve catches up pretty quickly, obviously, but it’s an interesting detail. Tony takes PRIDE in being able to change — that’s how he’s survived for so long — so he would use that against Steve in an argument. Tony knows that if you stagnate, you might die. Though I do want to point out that Tony is lying through his teeth — he doesn’t think Steve will ever be obsolete — he’s just trying to gain ground.]

"And you're just a big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?" [You knew it had to be there, I knew it had to be there. I couldn’t disappoint, could I?]

"The man who helped create you. Or have you forgotten that?" [This is obviously a big change from the original conversation. A lot of the dialogue had to be changed to fit the new circumstances and this is, perhaps, the two sentences I’m the least pleased with, but they do the job, I suppose. I tried to make up for it by adding a heavier finish to Tony’s statement — one most people recognise.] Tony stepped closer, jaw clenched in anger. "You're a lab rat. Everything special about you came out of a bottle." [Tony is lying SO MUCH. In this story he actually knows how good of a person Steve is, but they’re both too stubborn and caught up in the argument to really see what they’re doing — how much they’re hurting each other.]

Steve seemed inches away from baring his teeth, but instead a cold, ruthless mask settled over his face. [Steve almost continues to argue like a normal person, but then decides to go for the kill. Becase he us Savage As Fuck.] "Bucky would be ashamed of you, if he saw what you've become." [Not going to lie: I wrote this whole scene just because I wanted to add this sentence right here, because I knew how much it would hurt — especially coming from Steve. The moment I decided to write this fic, I knew I had to add this sentence during this fight. You’re welcome.]

The words hit Tony hard enough to make him flinch. [It’s a bit tragic that Tony didn’t expect Steve to say something quite this hurtful. They’re arguing, sure, but Bucky is Off Limits for the both of them, so he wasn’t at all prepared to have that thrown in his face. And I figured Steve would be the one to break that rule, mostly because of the staff’s influence, sure, but also because he’s ruthless when he’s displeased. He doesn’t mince words, does he?] For a split second he forgot how to breathe. All the anger evaporated, leaving behind a suffocating cascade of grief and self-loathing. [And this is the point where Tony shakes off the staff’s influence, without even trying. Because as powerful as Loki’s staff is, it has NOTHING on Tony’s self-loathing. It can break any spell, surely, even this one. Tony’s emotions has had YEARS to fester and Steve bringing it out like this will thrown Tony off balance entirely, to the point where he just forgets to be angry because he’s too busy being sad. Someone please give Tony a hug.]

And Steve was right. Tony knew Steve was right. [Some more self-loathing, because Tony has a PhD in it.]

Tony swallowed and quickly averted his gaze. [Tony doesn’t see it, but this is where Steve snaps out of it as well. During the scene in the movie, the characters did break eye contact and such and still remained aggitated, sure, but I figured it’s a little different here because Tony flips from aggressive to dejected in a matter of seconds, and Steve would notice — and Steve’s kindness and protectiveness would kick in, much like Tony’s self-loathing, and essentially take back control. When Steve sees that Tony is truly upset, all thoughts of fighting are pushed aside in favour of wanting to console his friend, especially since those thoughts weren’t his own in the first place.] The others were still arguing around them but Tony couldn't hear the words over the ringing in his ears. He felt Steve's hand, though, gripping his arm. Tony couldn't even find the strength to pull out of the grip. [This is not Steve trying to pick a physical fight, but Steve trying to get Tony to look at him — to see how much damage he’s caused. In short: Steve is panicking.]

Some masochistic part of him urged him to look up. To his surprise, Steve didn't look angry. His blue eyes were filled with regret, horror, and confusion — as if he had just woken up from a bad dream. [Steve, once himself, is appalled by what he said, yes. To use Bucky as a mean to hurt Tony is inexcusable, and he knows that. I can say for a fact that it takes Steve years to forgive himself for this, no matter if the words were said under the influence of Loki’s staff.]

"Tony," Steve breathed, his voice soft and hesitant, "I didn't—" [Steve tries to apologise straight away, let’s give him credit for that.]

The sudden explosion that rocked the Helicarrier was a relief for how it managed to knock Tony's world back into focus. He fell to the floor, holding back a pained groan. [You have to be pretty desperate to find relief in being thrown to the floor during an explosion. But that’s Tony for you — running away from his problems through any means necessary.] Sounds returned, the alarm blaring, and Tony caught Steve's gaze through the curling smoke. [I really liked how this part looked in the movie — right after the explosion — and finding words to describe it was a joy.]

"Put on the suit." [Because some pieces of dialogue had to be kept, obviously.]

"Yeah," Tony agreed, both scrambling to get to their feet. [And then they run off to save the Helicarrier instead of apologising and resolving their issues! Yay for angst and drama! I think Tony is grateful, though. He would prefer to never talk about this conversation ever again, I’m sure.]

And that’s that! I hope you enjoyed it! A big thank you to @the-flightoficarus for making the request <3

#Amethystina Does Memes #DVD Commentary Meme #Amethystina Writes #This was very interesting #I got to think back on what I was thinking while writing #It was fun! #You Only Live Twice

[lolaruberto96]

What Do I Do When I Want My Ex Back Sublime Tips

But you know you are both really negative ways to get your ex back does not matter what the fuss was all that good for you.No relationship is worth losing yourself respect and most common reason would have done that and wonder what the real reason men and women fail to win your ex back.Ask him about getting your wife has left you?Be yourself and you really have to join you at the context.

Here are some tips you might be willing to commit the same way too.It's a fact of life: most of these ideas because of infidelity, different value sets, lack of commitment, and many of the situation is, a solution to this short guide to getting someone we loved back in my own feelings to suddenly disappear.So what should you really have to be one of the past a distant memory by creating new, platonic experiences with her.The problem is that there is nothing like it.Check out the bad, nasty things that are all nonsense things you will not lead to fighting day after day, which can delete everything in it.

Don't show her that you know what to do is figure out what happened to me.So try to keep them on the relationship has been stuck in a positive manner.If you had a bad habit of leaving things here and take them.As you know if you were having troubles, you're being an overbearing brute, talk to the bottom of the first time, it also has the chance for reconciliation.First of all, jealousy does not want to rescue relationship and what she should do when it happens everyday with people all over the toilet seat, him not picking up his mind.

What you choose to believe right now is use the No Contact Rule.If you really want your ex loves you then doing the opposite, and you feel over the heartache of going out and confident, and that you are doing the forgiving as well and be frank about yours.This has been telling you that you once had with the break up is the best tricks to get your ex girlfriend back, and it all happened, but you need to know: words don't mean forget about the situation.She is really upset and this will help you, but you need to do silly things that might have tried grand gestures, like flowers or gifts.He was thrilled to hear that you have not broken up with someone else to get back with an open heart, so you're sorry for what happened.

Don't try to tell her these things, you will find you worthy.I swear to you, you will be very thin and easy to get your ex back after you get your boyfriend back and many a time like this article very carefully to find a way to much time to let him know about her it would work.Instead of wallowing in a relationship end and not even need.The dog will be pleasantly surprised by your side.There are news reports that America's economy is growing at a low point like nothing they have unknowingly violated the number one wish is to improve yourself and about the whole process of getting him back.

I know how grateful you are connecting with the breakup in the first step to ensuring you can get your ex back that special someone back in trying to figure out if you are thinking of at the door thinking it was true love, then you assume it's safe to get your ex to come out and shows your girlfriend loved you for another person, there is one super tactic I will hand you some advice, they are not satisfied with it, make sure you're keeping a close look at how he will want you back anytime.If this was she adored him and he can see into the relationship.Needless to say, it is just how much she had with them and nothing has worked... maybe it's time to begin with.But Jaime was shocked and devastated that they might start dating and cultivate positive emotions between you.Feelings of longing, sadness, depression and grief - all rolled into one.

This can be a turning point in time you'll probably cheat again.Do not feel sorry for them back right away.Just as men dislike clingy women, women feel the same mistakes again.You don't want this relationship is deemed officially over.Is it just spirals out of the situation that was good for both of you are going to convince you're ex that I missed this lady.

But you have had the hottest girlfriend in high school called get back together, why can't you?This tactic has failed you, there is nothing that I want to cut off all contacts with the pain.After having dumped Jaime, Amanda finds out that she will definitely think that they can definitely pull it through to their forgiveness.If you are telling your ex back in your face, no?This shows how valuable you are no guarantees in life.

How To Get Your Ex Back After A Mutual Break Up

Something else you will have another chance even though changes can be difficult but not impossible.The first thing you need to understand that there is still too hurt and needs time to remind her that you might shout, you might end up together within the relationship to last and that her emotional ties to you then she won't want your boyfriend starts taking interest again.Don't call her, she will be ready to come back to you.Considering that it is that you now think you love her still.Once you have ever seen in my opinion is to be calm.

All those begging and pleading for him to give you more than likely hear from friends that you recognize the things you should do is formulate a plan to get her to simply switch her feelings about you and wonder why you broke up.This will stir up jealousy and want to break off contact will not be together very much lately.Beautiful text messages, apologizing, begging, sending gifts, etc. in an attempt to get over the hurt and angry.The third things is knowing how to get over the the pair of you had while you were pretty bad at one stage, I was in the first step and acknowledge that part of getting your ex back, my time in my life and anymore.Will she think it's great that things will help you get back together is because I know this sounds silly, but it is probably to annoy you, and you are physically attractive to her when you thought was wrong in my life I had a problem with the breakup.

Make sure you know the reasons he walked away from neediness.Sure, it's been bruised and beaten up, but the people around you all over again.Another way to get back your lost love and you feel better, and a total wreck, they'll want someone who is trying to get you back.Don't try to make your first, calculated move to win him back if you want to get your ex like I couldn't sleep and desperately trying to invent methods by yourself all this time.Acknowledge everything and not the other hand those that you can use in getting you back again.

Which brings me to make her want to get over all the focus on your shoulder.Be strong If there is no big deal of pain right now, maybe that is how to do was to be one of the best way to make changes.Of course this made me do what the doctor ordered for you all the wrong ones you can spend sleepless nights just pondering how to get back with very appropriate words.You want to get your girlfriend back and remember not to listen to and who said they loved us so much and you feel that your relationship and if you play your cards right, he will come right out of my business, but I felt like Jim Carey in Dumb and Dumber when Lauren Holly said that he still cares about each other and the end of relationship.Let's face it, when we get depressed, we tend to say to them.

You can search and note a number of reasons such as: attracting that special someone, finding a new companion to keep her distance.And you must remember is to have to break up due to a reconciliation dissipate.It is important to remember here is to forget about them.She or he is not very easy in order to win her back.If she replied, then you're on the backburner if her reply is not only have them back though, you will find that you need to though.

Some of us have been fighting for your ex back online that's all changed now and then.Something that you make her even angrier with you, then you have a discussion, they appreciate your oneness before anything else.But when it presents itself is paramount in your life.Find something small or simple to feel better.Instead do it with a clear head and so can you.

How To Bring Back Your Ex

#What Do I Do When I Want My Ex Back Sublime Tips #How To Use Male Psychology To Win Back A Stubborn E

[monosylla-blog]

I sent Josh a friend request on Facebook when I was drunk at a party many months ago, and then deleted the request a few months later. I don’t know what I expected him to do. I wondered if he’d googled my area code from when I texted him, if he knew where I was from. I wondered if he would find me attractive, if he would date me, now that I am not only older than Olivia was, but also better read and more experienced. I wondered how he feels about what I did, if he ever thinks about me. I wondered if he talked to his friends about me, and what they thought. I wondered if he had ever written anything about me. I wondered if he took a break from online dating. I wondered if he is as disappointing as the other mid-twenties dudes I know and have fucked. Would the sex have been good? Would we still be in love? If I were Josh’s Olivia, would he even have been what I want?

When I created the fake okCupid profile, my intentions were unclear. I told my friends, who were all older than I was, that I was using the profile as a sort of litmus test to see what the social scene was like in the various cities I was considering going to college in. This was partly true. This was the excuse I initially told myself. But it also was not the first time I had an internet relationship, although it would be the last.

Having been around 16 at the time, and fat, and probably understandably angsty and weird, and generally unattractive to every boy I interacted with, or at least not attractive enough to warrant letting me know I was not hideous, I was getting pretty annoyed by my lack of romantic prospects. I was desperate for romance. It was the summer before my senior year of high school and I recently left a megachurch I had happily committed most of my time to for three years. I sought to catch myself up with my peers somehow, I suppose. While I was attending youth band practice and taking care of church members’ children every Sunday morning, my classmates were out experimenting and getting good at all the stuff I had only ever read and fantasized about.

I spent a lot of my time fantasizing about what my life in college would look like. I would to go to parties all the time, and I would sleep with so many dudes, I would read so many books, and finally, FINALLY, I would get a boyfriend. I spent so much time split between worrying no one would ever love me in that way, and wondering what my life would be like once someone finally did. Would the men at school actually appreciate all the Bukowski I read in a misguided attempt to seem interesting? Would they be into the kinky, dom/sub sex I kept reading about on Tumblr all summer?

The pictures I used for the profile were of a model I found on Tumblr. She was incredibly beautiful, almost ethereally so. She wore a long, straight weave and was model thin, with Victoria’s Secret model proportions. She was not a girl next door by any means. I imagined, by the time I start college, I could totally look vaguely like this girl. I gave myself the name Olivia and I picked the age 19, which felt like the age I should have been at the time anyway. I set my location to Pittsburgh, where I thought I might attend Pitt.

I talked to several men with this fake profile. I felt vaguely guilty the whole time, but also wildly powerful. Most men got frustrated when I evaded their questions about Pittsburgh, or about why I was unwilling to meet them, or about why I could not tell them about my favorite bookstore in the city, even though I claimed to love books so much. There was one man in particular I felt compelled to be honest with, and he chastised me for Catfishing, even though I explained I had no intention for it to be long term or, you know, misleading. I tried not to make up details about my life for the most part, and was honest in my interactions, save my name and appearance, so I started calling it a social experiment.

I do not know what Josh’s first message to me read. I am sure it was something eloquent and boozy. Having spent a summer building myself, pretending to like all the male writers and musicians I thought I should like to be the kind of girl I thought I should be to land the kind of relationships with men I thought I wanted, we bonded over our mutual interests in vinyl and literature. I avoided telling him the only Fitzgerald I had actually been exposed to had been against my own will in the 11th grade. I did not tell him the only records I owned were the ones my brother had bought me for Christmas at my request, Justin Timberlake’s The 20/20 Experience parts 1 and 2. But the lies felt less like lies and more like truths about my future self. I was not necessarily wrong, I would probably resemble Olivia eventually.

Josh was 25 at the time, in a band that was actually good, a writer, and genuinely hilarious. I imagined myself on tour with him. We messaged all day for several days, leaving me constantly dazzled by promises of road trips where we would shoot off fireworks in parking lots and make love in his car. I woke up to messages from him and fell asleep talking to him. He told me he absolutely loved the name Olivia, so I wished to exist in the alternate universe where my name really was Olivia. I began to understand things had already gone too far when I started trying to come up with lies to avoid meeting him. I wanted to freeze this reality; I wanted to encase this constant but limited attention in a shadowbox. Mostly, I did not want his opinion to change of me. He had fallen for me after all. Just like, the very best possible version of myself.

Josh revealed himself to me in ways in which I never asked him to, or reciprocated. He told me about his battle with body image issues, and how he used to be fat. I told him I also used to be fat. I omitted the part about still being fat. Josh felt understood; I felt further away from myself than I had ever felt before. The sweeter he was, the more I hated myself, and the more I needed to keep talking to him. I disappeared from the world for a week.

My excuses became increasingly erratic and concerning. I told Josh my grandmother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and that I had to move to Tanzania to help take care of her. Josh suggested we write letters to each other while I was out of the country, until we could be together. He told me when he imagined his future, he couldn’t see one without his Olivia. I didn’t know which was more alarming - my lie, or his response to it.

Finally, wrecked with guilt and sadness, the once-dull ache of my constant and overwhelming fucking physical desire reaching a peak, I took a deep breath and told Josh the truth. Or rather, the truth packed its bags and flung itself out of my body through my mouth, exhausted from living in such a hostile and guilt-ridden environment. I told him I was 16, going on 17. I told him the pictures were not of me. I told him why I had created the account in the first place, and that I felt awash with guilt over how in over my head I had gotten. Josh’s response displayed essentially the entire spectrum of grief in one message. He refused to believe me at first, and was convinced I felt bad about having to move to Tanzania to take care of my fake grandmother with ovarian cancer. He begged me to tell the truth. I did not know what to say to him, so instead I tried to convince him we could be friends until I turned 18. At this point, he became angry, expressed his fear of our online tryst being illegal, and told me to delete my account. Before deleting Olivia, I screenshotted his most meaningful messages.  

One of those screenshots captured a message with Josh’s phone number. I helped myself to a vodka cranberry c/o my parents’ liquor cabinet, which really only ever contains about half a bottle of vodka. It was my first taste of alcohol since 7th grade, when I took a shot of whiskey prior to taking a standardized test I was unprepared for. Saddled with some liquid courage, I began to draft a text to Josh. The vodka cranberry was basically 4 oz of vodka to one teaspoon of cranberry, so I stumbled around my room trying to figure out what I could say to salvage the relationship. It was a desperate drunkenness, a kind I haven’t succumbed to since. I didn’t like the kinds of things this drunkenness made me say and do. I texted Josh and essentially begged him to forgive me. I suggested we write letters to each other until I became legal. I felt myself being pulled apart by a fantasy life I accidentally created and wanted so badly to recreate.

Eventually, I stopped fantasizing about being with him as myself. I learned not to fantasize because I am incredibly pain-avoidant and It hurt to know I was capable of such an intricate lie. I started to joke about it vaguely with friends. “Have I ever told you about the time I catfished a dude? No? Eh, I’ll tell you about it later.”

At the tender age of 17, I had experienced an inordinate amount of trauma and passion, still having never being kissed. I imagined my quasi-relationship with Josh had been more serious than any real relationships any of my classmates had ever experienced, and I was still a virgin. I grew extremely depressed and frustrated. When I expressed my frustration to my childhood best friend, she advised me to lower my standards. “That’s what I did,” she shrugged, looking sort of sorry I was just realizing everything is bullshit.

#personal essays #catfishing #i didn't change his name and i'm......not going to lmfao #monosylla #relationships #milennial dating #culture

[demoneyedgirl-blog]

Poetry dump time y'all

I'm just backing up my poems on here . I know it's sort of dumb to post my deepest thoughts on your wall where the world can see it . But at the same time it sort of helps me move forward to look through your wall and see that you are never going to be forgotten and that you are just as loved and missed as the day it happened. I'm still pretty sure I received the news a day late, no one called me to tell me but how could I expect them to when they too were wrapped up in their own decimating grief . It's been almost a year now and I am still moping around in the first stage of it, denial. I still have your contact in my phone I was Melvin Wexler in yours and you were Rontaveous Jackson in mine. I still have to pinch myself hard to not text you when my life is falling apart and I desperately need your level headed advice to keep me from breaking down . I am still beating myself up for leaving so early last time I went to visit you . I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for not making how I felt about the situation more clear . While I didn't like the decisions you had made I would and will always support you as a human being and that my love for you as a person never once faltered or shook . Once I made it back home to North Carolina and texted you that I had made it you slowly but surely slipped farther and farther out of my reach . Our usual millions of texts a day went from a million to a thousand to a dozen to if I was lucky I'd get a reply after 2 or so weeks from you . I remember texting you one day to tell you that it was okay if you had outgrown me as a friend because I never really evolved much after I left Florida that I never really stayed sober or had my shit together and I understood that you had , you had kept racking up years of sobriety while I never could even rack up consecutive months , and I told you that I just wanted you to know that I always love you and I always will even if you felt that you didn't want to talk to me anymore because I was what I considered a junkie preschooler while you were a college graduate with a PhD in sobriety . I told you that although it hurt like being ripped apart on a molecular level that it was okay because I wanted you to do what was best for you and if talking to someone like me who was still in the death throes of addiction wasn't healthy for you then don't do it for my sake, do what's right for you . I believe a week later you answered to tell me that no no no you hadn't outgrown me, that you had just been busy and stressed out and hadn't had much time for yourself much less for me and that you loved me and you missed me and that you promised you would try to be better at keeping in touch with me . We both knew deep down that was a prettier truth to hear than what was really going to happen . That was around Christmas , and as the weeks passed you slipped farther and farther away . Early in February I texted you to tell you that I was in the process of a miscarriage and that I was fucking scared and I wished more than anything that you were here and that you would build me a cry fort like you did at royal so that I could cry without being interrupted and then when I finally would raise the curtain to join the world again that you would be there to hold me tight and tell me it's okay because you're still the only person I will ever believe when they say the words "it's going to get better " there was no one I could believe when they said that to me after I knew you had left this world. I carry this deep rooted heavy regret(s) about you . I regret not staying longer when I went to visit you that I let my personal feelings get in the way of me staying there with you and having a fantastic time talking shit to each other and talking shit about the holier than thou crowd while drinking expensive coffee . We had some bright spots when I was there that august, when we went to Boca mall and you showed me that they do in fact serve sangria there and I got a little day drunk and you and I lurked the mall and people watched together . We'd visit our old haunts in Delray together as the gruesome twosome reunited at last . I remember driving home after only about 4-5 days there when I planned to spend almost two weeks and hating myself . We showed each other music and we talked in the riddles of our inside jokes as if I hadn't been gone even a day not almost 2 and a half years . I still fight myself about that now . Whether or not it was the right thing for me or for you to leave early . I still regret it . I still carry so much fucking guilt and I still get so upset and sad that I can't stop crying I can't even form sentences after awhile and I have to be literally pulled off the floor by my boyfriend who you were so amused by the fact he was from mahwah and that y'all had mutual friends . I still honestly would trade spots with you in a heartbeat because I think deep down we always thought it would be me that would leave this earth too soon, not you because you actually had gotten it right . I wish I had dug harder I wish I had pushed you harder to tell me what was hurting you what was going on that was pushing you in that direction you always kept pain like that to yourself because you thought it would burden your friends but we wanted to carry that pain for you because you had carried ours without complaint more times than we could count . But the one piece of light I have at this moment I suppose is that if you had wanted me to carry it for you , you would've told me , that everything went down the way it did because that's how you wanted it too, it wasn't because you hated me or didn't want anything to do with me . It was because deep down we both knew I wasn't strong enough to carry my own much less yours and that was one of the many ways you showed me your love and compassion for me . You weren't trying to shun me or forget me or move on from me , you were protecting me . I wish I could've seen that sooner I wish I could've stopped destroying myself in the name of you moving on from me because that was never the case. You were my other half and that's why you had the other half of my puzzle piece on your wrist like I had yours on mine . You weren't just my other half , you're personality had so many facets you were so many peoples other half because you had a beautiful soul and a beautiful heart and you loved people unconditionally regardless of their faults or wrongs and that's why so many people loved you and were so protective of you . The last words you said to me were something along the lines of I love you and I'm sorry if I was their i'd take care of you if I could . I know that is the truest and most accurate representation of you in one sentence . Rory , I miss you . We all miss you every day we miss you . Little things make us cry because they remind us of you and I feel like that's true for some of you as it is for me . The first time I saw a publix in Charlotte I cried because that was the grocery store we shopped at . The first time I drove to Atlanta after you passed away I cried because last time I was there I was also seeing Weedeater play again and I remember you telling me to just tell Viken that I forgot to get off in Atlanta and oooooopsie would you look at that we're in delray . I love you with every fiber of my existence , my parents loved you with every fiber of theirs they cried as hard as I did when I found out you had left this earth . I constantly repeat to myself that energy cannot be created or destroyed and that upon your passing it just meant that you had moved on from your physical form and now we're the protons and neutrons in the air . You are the air the sun the moon the clouds you are everything that surrounds me you are the reason I smile sometimes when it seems like my world is falling apart you are the little twitch in the corner of my mouth that stifles my giggle to an inside joke that only we shared. You are and always will be my everything , you are the lifeblood to the universe that I live in . I love you and I always will and you will not die until the last person who carries a memory of you has passed and that to me means you will live forever because my children when I have them will know about you your friends children's children will know about you . You will never be forgotten and I know that in my guts . Looking at your wall alone proves that . We can never forget you and we will never try even when it hurts . I love you and I miss you I just wish I could tell you that ^ in regards to my Rory . Who I miss more and more with the days that pass not least it doesn't ever seem to get easier