#every time I see people arguing over her specific identity I lose so many brain cells

[the-last-millenial-disaster]

Omen’s past headcannons

(This will almost exclusively be my theory bull, so please don’t be mad if it doesn’t allign with your vision of Omen)

Omen wasn’t always merely a phantom

The only person that knew him before his transformation was Viper

The event that led to his mutation was the first light (I will get into details with my theory but remember, it’s merely a speculation)

Since we know Sabine is a chemist/pharmacist, and that she was Omen’s coworker, I like to imagine him as a scientist

More specifically, a physicist

It would make sense as his powers are also related to physics - his teleport is all about breaking apart his particles and reassembling them back together

So what I’m saying here is, Kingdom hired them to work on a certain new age project - in depth research and experimantal work on radianite

Omen was good at what he did, and so was Viper. This newfound radianite was a great opportunity for both of them

Many other scientists were invited to work on this very hush hush project

They were working hard, coming to some amazing conclusions and discoveries

Kingdom pushed the experimental part of the project to the point where even the working eviroinment became unstable and highly dangerous

Many scientists, Omen included, predicted a catastrophy and opposed the escalating experiments that were being performed one after the other

But when did government ever listen to scientists, right?

Omen started hiding his research and submitting empty reports, as he knew that that information in the hands of someone power hungry enough would never end well

He hid that research in his office

Then the deraded day came

The lab held too much unstable radianite, which led to the event we call First Light

We don’t know exactly what happened, but we can presume it was biohazardly destructive

Even if the explosion was local, the effect was global

Now, considering what his player card displays, we could argue that he died

While the building was evacuating, he forgot his reasearch hidden in his office

That research could’ve helped so much people, should it happen that radianite got out of containment

He saved the research...at a cost

he was in immediate range of the explosion, and it destroyed him

See, I didn’t say kill

I imagine the first light looking something like the spike detonation in game

And we know it kills everyone that was ever affected by radianite, or even if they only have some of it on them(it’s extracing it)

For all we know, it kills all humans and possibly animals in the area

Now, if I consider that, he should’ve been killed

But he was working with radianite for months

And it obviously has some kind of mutagenous properties, else it wouldn’t mutate people and give them abilities

I stated earlier that spike kills all radians. But the first light wasn’t stealing radianite - therefore it didn’t necesarrily kill radians

Anyway

His body went into some wierd vegetative state - he couldn’t wake up nor feel anything

Viper was the first to find his body

We know she isn’t very social so she probably didn’t take losing her only friend well

So she started experiments, using all her knowledge

...and she brought him back

But the second he opened his eyes everyone knew he wasn’t the same

His voice changed, his eyes seemed empty, even dead, and his body started going trough violent phasing seziures

Viper couldn’t even look at him

He was transported to another lab, where they treated him as a test subject, pricking and prodding

It took him a lot of time to learn how his new form works

He almost dissolved many times before it actually happened

His particles got scattered over the dimensions and it took him months to piece himself back together

Everyone was convinced he was dead

But he endured

After that, he began pushing his abilities on his own

He’s was not a quitter before, and he wasn’t about to become one

All of his teleports, even short distances, were paiful and agonizing

But he found that more he teleported, less pain he felt

He became accustomed to it

Too late he realised what toll all this was taking on his physical form

The more times he ripped himself apart, harder it was to recollect his particles and bind them back together

He slowly became what he now sees as a monster, losing his humanity somewhere along the way

He put his big brains to use and built himself a device that kept him together without his concentration

containment initiator

Kingdom began assembling an elite team of agents about half a year after the first light, since that’s when the raids began

Of course they knew about Omen, but he more or less flipped them off every time they found him and offered the job

He despised himself. He despised what he had become

He couldn’t bear showing his face to his family, friends, anyone he knew

So how did they get him to cooperate?

They promised to delete his identity. Wipe the books of his existence

That swayed him

The morning after Omen made the deal, he was proclaimed dead to the world and got a clean slate

Viper, who by that time already joined the Valorant protocol, didn’t aknowledge him

She acted as if she met a stranger and quite frankly, Omen was a tad bit annoyed by it

He believes she can fix him

But she warmed back up to him eventually (as I said, Omen isn’t a quitter)

Well, you already know what he’s doing in the V protocol so I’d say I’ve cought up to the present

He still has that research, hidden in the darkest corner under his bed because maybe, maybe, he’ll someday find the courage to resume his work and fix Kingdom’s mistakes

(A/N: Whooo this got long. I’m sorry for any spelling mistakes and weird sentences, I’m trying to improve my english. I hope this theory makes sense. If you’d like to talk about it, or if you found a plot hole I missed, I’d love a dicussion.)

Thank you for reading!

#Valorant #valorant headcanons #valorant omen #valorant viper #millenial writes

[hellomynameisbisexual]

5 Ways That Bi Erasure Hurts More Than Just Bisexual People

December 2, 2014 by Milo Todd

This year, Bisexual Awareness Day/Celebrate Bisexuality Day was on September 23rd.

That same day, the National LGBTQ Task Force thought it’d be a good idea to post an article entitled “Bye Bye Bi, Hello Queer,” in which leadership programs director Evangeline Weiss said “she is ready ‘to say bye bye to the word bisexuality.’

She said it does not describe her sexual orientation, and she encouraged readers to cease using the word as well as she felt it reinforced a binary concept of gender.

Let me drive that home a little more. The National LGBTQ Task Force not only thought it would be a good idea to publish an article insulting, misrepresenting, and forsaking the bisexual letter in their own name, but did so on Celebrate Bisexuality Day.

Rude.

And a fantastic example of the constant, ongoing erasure bisexual people have to deal with. This one just happened to be incredibly blatant.

What happened as a result of that article? People got pissed.

People got so pissed that the Task Force not only removed the article from their website, but posted in its place this non-apology (it keeps being referred to as an apology, but I’m not so easily pleased): “Having listened to a wide array of feedback on the timing and content, we recognize that this blog offended people. For this we sincerely apologize. It has been removed.”

In other words, “Sorry you got pissed off. Hopefully you’ll shut up if we take it down.” Which, as far as I can tell, isn’t much of an apology for a blatant disregard of an entire community of people.

Misunderstanding of the bisexual community has been the crux of biphobia’s history and the ongoing battle to erase bisexuality from the LGBTQIA+ community.

It’s a scary time to be bi, especially when your lesbian, gay, pansexual, and queer siblings and allies are calling for your blood simply because they’ve fallen victim to the mainstream agenda without realizing it. (Say what?! Jump to #5.)

It’s time for a change.

It’s time for all of us to properly understand one another and to — hope of hopes — become allies for our incredibly similar endeavors. To help initiate that friendship, I ask you, dear reader, to go through the following three steps.

Step 1: Look below. If I’ve played my cards right, virtually every reader should find at least one category with which they identify.

Step 2: Approach your designated section(s) with an open mind, an unprejudiced heart, and a desire to further enhance your own community/ies. It’s difficult for people to learn new things and see different views if they automatically approach them with resistance, which is often the case with bisexual topics.

Step 3: See how bi erasure hurts you as a person and, while you’re at it, likely hurts the people you care about. Because it really is happening.

So here are five ways in which bi erasure is hurting people of layered identities.

1. Female-Identified People and Feminists

Bisexuality is one of the only non-monosexual* identities currently recognized in the English-speaking world. If bisexuality is kept underground, it suppresses our limited, precious resources for open discussion about non-monosexuality. This hurts female-identified people and feminists regardless of their sexual orientation.

To this day, female-identified people can’t get a fair shake. Pay is unequal, birth control access is limited, and objectification is a daily thing. Non-monosexual women in particular are often not taken seriously because they’re seen as sluts, greedy, or unable to make up their minds.

Also, the general fetishizing of women is particularly intensified in the bisexual realm by (straight-identified) men, turning the very act of women’s sexual freedom, empowerment, and self-expression into nothing more than something for male gazes. (This is most often seen through the relentless prompts for female-female-male threesomes and masculine catcalls in bars when two femme-appearing women make out.)

By participating in or casually allowing bi erasure to happen, we’re ignoring the specific plights and abuses of bisexual women, thereby contributing to the ongoing problem of female inequality, objectification, and silence.

As feminists, we can’t pick and choose which women to fight for. The complexities of womanhood — and all of its cultural suppressions — are an all-or-none deal.

*Note: Non-monosexuality usually refers to someone who is interested in more than one sex or gender. (In other words, somebody who isn’t gay, lesbian, or straight.) Another way to say “non-monosexuality” would be “polysexuality” to help keep it from sounding negative.

2. Male-Identified People and Male Liberationists*

Just like with female-identified people and feminists, bi erasure hurts male-identified people and male liberationists regardless of their sexual orientation.

Allow me to make this pretty basic: Men continue to be fed the message that being gay is bad. Being gay means you’re not really a man, which means you lose your dude membership and the bulk of your male privilege. And since gayness equals the slightest shred of attraction to or intimacy with another male, all manners of bromance must be squashed.

In short, many guys live in a state of silent terror in this regard.

Bi men are afraid of being banished from the world of lady-loving, gay men are worried about losing all of their connections to hetero land, and nothing is worse for a straight man than being called a fag.

Constant monitoring, constant filtering, constant stress: Is this really the kind of world we guys want to keep living in?

By being able to talk about bisexuality — remember: one of our only non-monosexual identities — male-identified people can begin to break free from the masculine ideal.

Bi talk helps bridge the gap between being a man (straight) and not being a man (gay) and realizing, hey, having some manner of attraction to or intimate interaction with another guy is totally okay, masculinity unscathed.

Gay men can begin to regain their identities as men, bi men can finally start coming out, and “fag” will lose its strength as an insult from one straight man to another.

*Note: Male liberationists are more or less seen as allies to feminists and vice versa. Both will argue that patriarchy is bad, but while feminists talk of how it’s bad for females, male liberationists talk of how it’s bad for males. Examples include the inability to romantically or sexually love another male, the emasculation of men of color, and the physical, verbal, and mental abuse that comes from society’s expectations to be stereotypically masculine.

3. People Who Identify as Trans Sexual, Trans Gender, Genderfluid, Genderqueer, or Gender Non-Conforming

This one’s pretty easy. Some people on the trans spectrum identify as bisexual. But then they’re told they can’t or that it’s an insult to their trans siblings because bisexuality is believed to be trans-exclusive.

The problem with bi erasure is it adds to the ongoing problem of cis people — LGQ or not — telling trans people what to think. Cis people have a bad habit of thinking they need to speak for people on the trans spectrum even when trans people are quite capable of speaking for themselves. This is even more frustrating when it comes from a community supposedly meant to support them.

Despite the personhood for which they’re continuing to fight, trans people can receive backlash from the lesbian, gay, and queer communities as their identities and bodies are turned into political battlegrounds.

Sometimes, they’re used without consent by some cis individuals so that points can be made for non-trans-specific agendas, and sometimes they’re ironically used in the attempts for cis identities to help better the trans worlds.

For instance, automatically dismissing bisexuality as trans-exclusive and guilting any person on the trans spectrum that wants to identity as bisexual, if I may make so fine a point.

As blogger Aud Traher writes, “If you want to support trans people like me, don’t erase me or speak over me or cause me harm out of self-righteous biphobia. Look into yourself and deal with that internalized biphobia and then help others get over theirs. Don’t advocate for the destruction of a community in the name of ‘saving’ it. And, especially, don’t do it in my name.”

4. People Who Identify as Gay, Lesbian, or — Yes — Straight

Quite simply, it makes gays and lesbians (and straight people) look bad, too.

Bisexual people get a bad rap for apparently upholding the gender binary by saying they love only (cis) men or (cis) women, but isn’t that pretty much exactly what gays, lesbians, and straight people are saying when they identify as gay, lesbian, or straight? That they’ll only love either (cis) men or (cis) women?

But where’s their rampant backlash from the rest of the community for upholding the gender binary? I’m just sayin’.

Even when these groups extend their definitions to include trans people and people on the gender non-conforming spectrum, it’s often still as long as those trans people exhibit some manner of gender representation that falls into the lover’s category of desire.

Now, I’m honestly not trying to rag on gays, lesbians, or even straight people. They have as much right to identify how they want as anybody else. And there’s nothing wrong with feeling primarily attracted to only, say, cis or trans men if your brain simply tells you that you only like guys. That’s fine. Go ahead and do that. I’m not saying you can’t.

What I am saying is you can’t be spewing bi hate or letting bi erasure slide because 1) it’s incredibly one-sided and unfair, and 2) in the end, it’s making you look bad, too.

What do you think will happen if bi erasure is a success? You’ll be next, dears.

*cue Jaws theme*

5. People Who Identify as Queer, Pansexual, or Another Fellow Non-Monosexual

In late October, Lizzy the Lezzy — who I quite enjoy, by the way — shared a photo on her Facebook timeline explaining sexuality in terms of guests at a BBQ.

This would be all well and good if it didn’t include a glaring misconception about bisexual people, especially when compared to pansexuals. While bisexual people were defined as getting both hot dogs and hamburgers, pansexuals were defined as getting hot dogs, hamburgers, “and a salad.” Oops. What year is this again?

I’m going to make something very plain to you, dear reader: Bisexual people don’t just love (cis) men or (cis) women. That’s not how the ballpark definition goes. The “bi” in “bisexual” does not indicate a binary. Well, okay, it does indicate a binary, but probably not the one you think.

Instead of “bi” meaning a love for only cis men or cis women or otherwise putting men and women at two opposite ends of a spectrum, “bi” means a love for identities bisexual people identify with themselves and identities that they don’t.

Or, as the popular Robyn Ochs definition goes: “I call myself bisexual because I acknowledge that I have in myself the potential to be attracted – romantically and/or sexually – to people of more than one sex and/or gender, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”

Look at that very closely. That’s still a binary. That’s still “bi.” And there isn’t a thing wrong with it, no exclusion to be seen.

When compared with the general concepts of pansexuals and queers, our orientations suddenly sound pretty darn similar: We love everyone.

Bisexual people get a bad rap for apparently being transphobic. While we’ve already seen a little bit in #3 as to why we aren’t, I want to further drive the point home here. A large portion of the transphobic accusations toward us come from the queer and pansexual communities, which in turn seem to derive from some serious misinformation and misdirection by the mainstream.

For the record, queers and pansexuals are cool. I like them. But the fact of the matter is that the misconception of the “bi” in “bisexual” as meaning an attraction to only (cis) men or (cis) women — and therefore upholding the gender binary — was created and imposed upon bisexual people by the mainstream. You know, the people that want the gender binary to stick around.

And some queers and pansexuals ate the propaganda they were fed? That’s terrifying. It starts to show just how large and sneaky the mainstream’s gender binary monster truly is.

By defining and erasing bisexuality on the grounds that it upholds the gender binary, pansexuals and queers are not only reinforcing the binary they so sorely wish to dismantle, but they are losing important focus on where the problem actually resides: the mainstream’s insistence to force the gender binary on non-mainstream groups such as bisexual people.

Further, holding bisexual people responsible for the abuse they’ve suffered is simply wrong. All that’s doing is blaming the victim. But, by recognizing and respecting bisexual people as they truly are, bisexual people can not only help dismantle the gender binary and put a new definition on the concept of the spectrum, but finally be allowed to team up with pansexuals and queers to crush mainstream abuse on non-mainstream identities.

Doesn’t that sound nice? I think it sounds nice.

TL;DR

Dear non-bisexual identities, please stop shooting yourselves in the foot and then wondering why you’re missing toes.

We’re here for the same reasons you are: for the right to love whoever we want and for the right for others to do the same.

So let’s finally be friends. We’re never going to get anything done if we keep spending our time putting each other down.

#bisexuality #lgbtq community #bi #lgbtq #support bisexuality #bisexuality is valid #lgbtq pride #pride #bi pride #bi tumblr #bi erasure #bisexual love #bisexual male #bisexual education #bisexual youth #bisexual nation #lgbt+ community #bisexual community #lgbt education #respect bisexuality #support bisexual people

[pestopascal]

hum

partial sequel to thunder and applause. 

still flystep, questions about chargestep. and maybe some squint and you’ll see herald/charge. retribution spoilers. identity reveal. 1.8k

“What are you thinking about?”

Even though the question is whispered, lips brushing against her temple, you feel like you’ve filled the room. You don’t open your eyes, feeling the way she tenses a fraction under your hands instead. If you look, you’ll break the spell.

And even though Logan is a master of control, the slow steady breathing almost passing as her being asleep, it’s like a suggestion. Burrowing into your mind, that even with a leg over your hip, head tucked under your chin and fingers curled into your shirt, she was awake.

So were you. Not like either of you could truly sleep after what had happened barely twelve hours ago.

Logan doesn’t so much as give you a notice that she was awake. Some days, you wish you could read her mind. Crack open her skull, and get all those little thoughts out. Always just when you start to pull on a thread, there’s something else. Another hook, pulling you left, right, out.

“He won’t give up on you, you know. Even with the truth.”

That was the charm about Ortega, and you remember magazines plastered with his smile, how they papered your walls. Honest words, in between the waffling on about his suit, and the whispers that he would never be like Hood. Meeting him, after all those years of watching interviews and huddling around newspaper articles never really gave you the full picture. Until he had smiled at you, broad and sweeping, firm handshake and ‘good to meet you, Daniel’.

Whoever that person was, though, hadn’t walked out of your apartment. Hunched shoulders and red rimmed eyes. Hesitating on your doorstep, until you had shut the front door. There he’d stared at the ground. You didn’t have to do this, Daniel. But… I appreciate it. Carefully picked words, plucked from the specific scripts given whenever there was a villain to take down. None of the warm behind them, just the calm indifference he tried so hard to perfect.

You hadn’t mean to lay a hand on his shoulder, to encourage him to look up. Never thought you would see the day that it would be you, getting Ortega to unfurl. Solid under your hand, the hum of life teasing you, convincing you that it was alright. She does love you, Ortega. I know she does.

But where does that put you? An almost haunting question, if you were to let it linger, fester in the back of your mind. Take it one day at a time. Shake your fingers out, when you shut the door behind you. Static striking through your hand, numb.

Logan had cried. Sobbed in the bathroom with the water running, as if you couldn’t hear when you’d finally walked in. Skin decidedly pinker, scrubbed clean, and hadn’t moved from the bed. It had broken your heart, seeing her like this. But you didn’t know what to do. Still don’t.

“Ortega… he loves you, Logan. Really.” You’re not a liar.

You remember magazines. Speculations and gossip columns. Potentially doctored photographs, shoved in between guesses at who Sidestep really was. What they had looked like. Larger than life heroes, and the intimate details of their identities from second hand sources. Back then, it had seemed so fantastic, and you had always wanted to be a part of it, even for a second. Now, well. 

“Not anymore.” 

At her voice, you open your eyes. With that murmur, she has turned, shuffling just out of the way you hold her to rest her head back on the pillow. Nose to nose, and you want to just lose yourself in those dark eyes of hers. Otherworldly (you’re not afraid to be pulled in).

It’s weird, to want to argue this. To fight her, that she was loved, fiercely, by anyone other than yourself. You remember how Ortega spoke, the first day that Logan Walsh, Sidestep herself, was pronounced alive and well. About anything and everything, until Chen had intervened. It was entrancing, hearing it all over again. Caught up in the words, in the time. In him, and her.

Words and films hadn’t done her justice. She smiles, at that, but it’s sad and suffering. You don’t know how to get the message across for her. 

“I can’t read his mind.”

“I know.”

“Then how do you know he does?” The question is soft, but the admission softer still. Far more private than you’d heard before. If you were any other kind of person, you might even say she was scared.

“Because I do. I know how he looks at you.” The same way you did, after all.

Logan is shaking. Sniffling as she turns to rest on her back. You only watch, as tears leak from the corners of her eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be.” You know what she’s sorry about. Even as you try to brush the tears away, she still cries and cries and cries. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

A back and forth argument that you had been having on and off for a couple of weeks. Same sort of sad looks, as she believed she stood at the crossroads. Didn’t know where to step next. You wanted her to stop hurting, but there was no way for you to stem the bleed. 

“It is. I promise you.”

“Not even you can promise something like this.” 

“‘Course I can. I’m Herald. It’s my job.”

You get a laugh out of her, even if it was tired and bubbled by a sob. Enough to get her to look at you again. “Logan, I get it. I do.”

“I shouldn’t—do this to you. You don’t deserve this.”

“Shit happens.” And you shrug, because it sure as hell did.

“That’s not what this is.”

No, it’s not, you think with a wry smile. Some truth in that. But that was just the way things were, you found, since setting foot in Los Diablos. Five years too late for Heartbreak, not a year too soon to be able to hold Logan in your arms. If the time hadn’t added up the way it did, you know you wouldn’t be here, at this exact moment. 

Three years spent the way it was, leading to this. A lot had happened. “It’ll work out.”

With a sigh, she might not be quite as far, but the tears still fall. Pooling in the pillows, and you only move to get her some tissues. “I know it will,” you reaffirm. Want to push, to get her to hear you and understand.

“I kissed him.”

“I know.”

“More than once.”

“Logan, you told me.” Ortega was not her keeper, she had made that decidedly clear. But neither were you, no matter what she had convinced herself otherwise. A tenuous balance, tipping back and forth. You don’t know what you want.

Her face scrunches up once more. “Stop being so nice about it.” Confusing her. You can hear the accusation ring out loud.

“I’m not going to tell you who you can and can’t kiss.”

Heels of her palms pushed into her eyes, and she lets the silence drag, until: “I’m so confused.”

So you sit up. A little awkwardly, knee still a little stiff. Back against the headboard, pillow under legs. With a sigh, you have to look anywhere but her. Where to from here? Ortega had seen her vulnerable, away from the flashy lights and hardsuit. Wiped away years of assumptions in one fell swoop.

“I don’t want to tell you what to do.” 

Never been the idea or intent from the start. This wasn’t about pity, either, before you see those words fill her face. When she had showed herself, the secret she had been carrying for so long, you had thought of many things later. Questions and answers, but still that biting idea, that Ortega just didn’t know. You didn’t want to push Logan to tell him. To explain. Even though you knew it was always going to be the best and only outcome.

You had a million different thoughts, of how it was going to play out if the truth was avoided. Accidents weren’t really included in the equation. Maybe a broken helmet, or a dramatic reveal. And the dark. Perhaps that was how Ortega and Logan were, coming full circle — accidental identity reveals, and stumbling over love.

Her fingers push your fringe out of your face. “Don’t think about it like that.”

“I can’t ignore it… and neither can you.” Capture her palm, pressing your lips there. Hold her eyes steady. “Things happen, and I’d be an idiot to try and imagine it not happening.”

“I’m hurting you.” Logan sighs, and you’re used to how she presses in by now. Holds your mind gently in her hands, sifting through it all.

But she’s wrong, in a way. Perhaps a first for her, judging by how she tries to piece it all together. Holds your gaze, trying to pick apart your brain.

You know what she was doing — trying to warp it, so that it suited her. Maybe made her feel worse, as there was that crutch in her, a kind that only came out when silences stretched on for too long and when the sun hung low. Trying to reassure herself that she was the reason.

“Logan… you couldn’t hurt me.” Knee notwithstanding, and it twinges at your words.

“But… Danny, this isn't what you wanted. I know it isn’t.”

“Shit happens,” you reiterate, a little more force behind you than you meant to have. “Not even you can control everything. Whatever happens, happens.”

Logan bites her lip, not happy with the response. If this was during the day maybe, a full nine hours sleep and dinner that didn’t churn in your gut, you know you would’ve copped flak for brushing everything off. Being too cavalier. You’re not sure if you wanted that, or the way that Logan was an exposed nerve, no longer bundling herself up and hiding every little aspect to fit into what she thought people needed. 

Quietly, you hear the murmur. “I’m not supposed to feel this way.”

You can imagine the jump in thoughts. Down the rabbit hole, with an emphasis on tattoos and manufactured dreams. She tells herself she’s a machine, but you can feel the way her heart beats under your hand, how she breathes against your skin. You kiss Logan, and it’s not nearly as romantic as you’d hoped, with the tears and the fear. But you hope it reminds her that she’s alive and warm, human. 

She kisses you back, slowly, as if just striving for contact. You want to tell her again and again. Over and over, just what you think, what you feel. It may never be enough, but you won’t tire of it, you’re sure. Logan just had to make it through tomorrow, and then? 

Neither of you know. Settle for wrapping yourself around her, hands rubbing her back, coaxing her to sleep.

(because you know that you wouldn’t, anyway)

#fallen hero #fallen hero rebirth #fallen hero retribution #flystep #herald #sidestep #my fic #oc: logan walsh

[ive-made-a-mystic-mistake]

HYBRID AU PART TWO!

alright so I’m gonna do a time skip beings it will mainly be the same as what happens in the deep story and like i dont wanna write that plus my brain is more fried than disgusting American food (i myself am American i just find american food to be disgusting lmao.) so yeah ill go in depth though.

warning it gets angsty

Mc lies in the bed unsure how to feel after these last couple of days. these people have all been so nice but was that just because she hasn't told them what she truly is? The only one that knows about what seven and Mc are would be jumin but if to normal humans they don’t like that. Mc has considered that maybe they would be accepting of her because they are accepting of jumin but when she truly thought about it she remembers that time she witnessed a public demonstration of what humans to to hybrids. it was a raven-human hybrid and it was a young boy. he looked no older than eight.he had been trying to get food for his sick mother when one of his friends scared him and he revealed his wings. screams sounded. some were in anger others fear. there was a mix of emotions. you would think that being shunned as a young child was punishment enough but no. humans hated hybrids, specifically raven-human hybrids, with a passion. they grabbed this boy and snapped his wings. he let out a cry of agony and fear and it broke Mc’s heart she went to go save the boy when jumin came out of no where and stopped her. he had explained to her quietly, away from the crowd, that she cant give away her identity no matter how unfair it seems. she didn't say anything and saw them do worse things to this boy resulting in his death and jumin comforted mc as she cried and brought her back to his penthouse. he called seven up telling him that the humans found a young raven and mc witnessed what they do to ravens. seven thought about risking work to help mc and decided to go after a long period of hesitation. jumin had given mc some wine and allowed her to spend time with Elizabeth the third.by the time seven had gotten there mc was just starring at nothing. she was in shock. she had just witnessed an innocent boy get violently killed because of who he is. what if he never killed anyone. mc knew the boys soul mate was killed somewhere else. this was planned. the friend that scared the boy was never his friend. he was trying to kill his friend. he knew. mc felt anger rising and it became harder and harder to hide her identity. seven recognized this and went over to her taking the wine away just in case. 

“mc you have to talk about it the feelings will fester and you will have an outburst in public and end up like that  bo-”

“what if that’s better! what if that’s better than hiding! and anyways they wont kill me! i have no soul mate,” that last part was chilling. it was obvious that she’d given up.

“mc you cant say that!you have to stay hidden and alive dont let them take you!”

“they are hurting him because I’m gone...” seven stops in his tracks knowing who she is talking about. ‘ he told me to leave because my father was gonna keep trying to kill me and he knows how now. maybe sae- he knows this and is staying far away from me so i don’t have to die...hes been torturing him a lot. every time i feel it. if i go back if i let him have me he will stop hurting hi-”

“stop.”

“what?”

“stop saying these things! the minute you give up and go back you are failing him! the minute you give up you are letting him die. if you give up on him i will never forgive you and make the rest of your life hell,” seven says very seriously and mc looks down and sighs shakily. 

“they-they knew about the boy and had already harmed his soulmate but beings he couldn't see it means they killed the mate. this means it was not a hybrid because the bond can happen with anyone but humans granting the raven an immortal life until the human dies. we are not safe that boy was from the apartment. i am in danger leading the rest of the rfa to danger maybe the party is a bad idea,” mc said hanging her head low tears stinging her eyes replaying what happened to that boy in her head.

“I understand your worry but you are safe no need to cancel,” mc didn't feel like arguing on the matter.

 days later zen had invited her to meet secretly because he wanted to talk to her about some things. he gives her a location and she accepts. the location is a secluded spot in the mountains. when she arrives he wraps her in a giant hug. all the stress and sadness she had been holding back released and she cried into his shoulder. he whispers that he knows all about what happened and that he will always be there for her. she was shocked that a human was so kind to her especially when he knew what she is they just hugged for a long time. he knew he didnt have a chance with her but he hoped desperatly that he did. he was fine with being her closest friend at least. she developed hiccups from the sudden release of emotions.  they had many meetups where they both vented and hung out. it really helped mc cope. they became very close friends after this. ouch friend zoned. 

when she met jaehee it was over coffee when another hybrid riot went down and she saw mcs extreme discomfort having flashbacks and shaking uncontrollably. jaehee put two and two together. she had heard a lot about mc in passing when jumin had meetings with seven about it. jaehee knew the true danger mc was in and was very against the party but didnt argue or she would lose her job.she gives mc earbuds and plays soothing music and sounds helping mc to calm down. jaehee tried to set up an mp3 player with soothing sounds, music, and mediation tracks. she wanted to help mc get better beings she couldn't exactly get professional help due to her species. that would get mc in loads of trouble. mc is very thankful to have jaehees friendship and realizes not all humans are evil.

when mc met yoosung it was by accident. she had been grocery shopping and spotted the blonde in the pet isle looking at dog stuff. she walks up to him and taps his shoulder. 

“hi there you look like my friend yoosung could you by any chance be him?” when he turns around surprised you smile. he is such a puppy sometimes. mc thinks back to when seven said he is not sure if yoosung is normal, it gets gears turning in her head. could he be like abbie? is he a dog-human hybrid? after talking a while you realize he is not hybrid but he came from a hybrid family so dog toys are an odd form of comfort. he gets really embarrassed to admit this. he continues telling mc that his mother got offered to got to this hybrid organization that helps save hybrids. he tells mc that a man named Eros invited his mother and rika was there to support him. it was only this year his mother decided to join. mc begins to panic at the name Eros which worries yoosung alot. he asks her many questions to figure it out but mc tells him its nothing and he believes it.

now Mc lies in the bed wearing the shirt Saeran gave her and cries. these days have been stressful. she cries trying to calm down by using Jaehee’s music. she was about to vent to zen when she noticed her window rattling and a shadow. there is a large shadow and she practically collapses when she sees the face of who just crashed in her window.

ill edit it later and tag it later

[jansegers]

Simple English Word List

SIMPLE1540 : a simple English wikipedia word list based on the XML export of all articles related to the nine major groups: Everyday life, Geography, History, Knowledge, Language, Literature, People, Religion, and Science and retaining all word forms appearing 7 times or more in this corpus. The total number of words in this corpus is well over the 100.000 words. a A.D. ability able about above absence abstinence abstract academic academy accent accept access accord account across act action active activity actual actually ad add addition adherent adjective adult advance advice affect after again against age agnostic agnosticism ago agree agreement agriculture air alcohol all allow ally almost alone along alphabet also although always amateur amendment among amount an analysis ancient and angel animal annals anonymous another answer anthropomorphism any anyone anything aphasia appear apple apply approach archaeology architecture area argue argument around arrange art article artificial artist ask aspect associate association astronomy at atheism atheist atomic attack attempt attribute audience author authority available average avoid award away B.C. baby back background backpack bad bah balance band baptism base basic basis battle BCE be bear beautiful beauty because become bed bee before begin behavior behind being belief believe believing belong below best better between beyond bias biblical bibliography big billion biological biology birth bit black blind blood blue body book born both bottom boundary box boy brain branch bring brown buffalo build building bull burn business but by c. ca. calendar call can cancer canon capital caption car carbon card carry case cassette cat category cathedral catholic cause cell center central century cerebral certain change chapel chapter character chemical chemistry child china China choice choir choose chronicle church circumcise circumcision cite citizen city civil civilian civilization claim clan class classical cleanup clear clergy click climate close closer clothes clothing coast coauthor code codex cognitive col cold collection college colonization colony color column com come commentary commission common commonly communicate communication communion communist community companion company compare competition complete complex compose composer computer concept conception concern condition confuse confusion congregational connect connection conquer conquest consciousness consider consistent constitution construct construction contain contemporary content context continent continue contrary control convention conversation conversion convert cook cooking copy core correct could council country course court cover covered create creation credit crime critical criticism crop cross crust cultural culture current currently daily damage dark data date day dead death debt decadence decadent decide declaration decline deconstruction deep define definition deity demonstrate denomination department depth describe description design detail determinism developed development device devil diagnosis dialect dictionary die difference different difficult difficulty diphthong dipstick direct directly dirt disagree disambiguation disbelief discipline discover discovery discussion disease disorder distance distinct distinction distinguish distribution divide divine do doctor doctrine document dog don't door down Dr. dream drink drown druid due during dynasty each earlier early earth easier easily easy eat economic economics economy ed edge edit edition editor education effect eight either electric electricity electronic element elevation else emperor empire encyclopedia end energy engine engineering enlightenment enough enter entertainment environment environmental epic episode equal era error especially establish etc. etymology even event eventually ever every everyday everyone everything evidence evil evolution evolve exact exactly example except exchange exist existence expansion experience experiment expert explain explanation express expression external extinct face fact failure fair faith fall false family famous far fast father feature feel feeling female feudal few fiction field fight figure file find finding fire first fish fit five fix flow folk follow food for force foreign foreskin form formal former fortune fought foundation founded four fourth frame framework free freedom frequently friend from front fruit full function functional further future gas general generally generation genre geographer geographic geographical geography geology geometry germ get give glass global go god gold golden good government grammar great greatly green ground group grow growth guide guillotine hair half hall hand handbook handicap handle happen happens happiness happy hard have he head heading health hear heat heaven help hemisphere her here heritage hero high highly him himself his historian historical historiography history hold holy home homo hope hot hour house how however human hundred hunter hypothesis hysteresis I ice icon idea identify identity if illiteracy illiterate illusory image importance important impossible improve in inc. incense include increase indeed independence independent indigenous individual industrial industry influence information inquiry inside instead institute institution instrument instrumentation intellectual intelligence interlinear internal international internet interpretation into introduce introduction invent invention involve iron island issue it IT itself job join journal journalism judge just keep key kill kind king kingdom know knowledge la LA label lack lake lamp land landlocked landscape language large last late later law lead leader leap learn learned least leave legacy legal legend let letter level lexeme library life light lightning like likely limited line linguistic linguistics link liquid list literacy literary literature little liturgy live local location logic logical long longer look lord lore lose lot love low lower mac machine magazine magic magnetic magnum mail main mainly major make male mammal man mankind manuscript many map march March mark market mass material mathematical mathematics matter may May me mean meaning meant measure measurement meat median medical medicine medieval mediterranean medium meet member memory men mental mention mercury message metal method mid middle might migrate migration military millennium million mind minister minute misconception miss model modern modernism modernist moment money monologue monophthong month monument moon moral morality more morning most mostly mother mount mountain mouth move movement much museum music musical musicians must my myth mythology name narrative nation national nationality native natural naturalism naturally nature near nearly necessarily necessary need negative neither neologism network neurogenesis neuron neuroscience never new news newspaper next night nine no non none nor normal normally not note nothing noun novel now nuclear number object objective objectivity observation observe occupation occur ocean octane of off offer office official officially often oil old older on once one online only open opera opposite or oral orbit order org organization organize origin original originally orthography orthology other others our out outer outside over own oxygen p. pack pagan page paint palace paper paradigm parent parish park part participant particular particularly party pas pass past pasta pattern pay peace peer penguin penis people per percent percentage perception performance perhaps period peroxide persecution person personal personality perspective persuasion pet phenomenon philosopher philosophical philosophy phoneme phonetic phonetics photo phrase physic physical picture piece pilgrimage place plan planet plant plat plate play please poem poems poet poetry point pole police policy political politics polytheism polytheistic popular population position positive possession possible possibly post power powerful pp. practical practice praise pray prayer precise predict prediction prehistory present preserve press prevent priest primary principle print printing private probably problem process produce product production professional program project pronounce pronunciation proof property prophet propose prose proselytism protection protein provide province psychological psychology public publication publish publisher publishing punishment pure purpose put pyramid quantum question quickly quite quote race racial rack radiation radio rain range rate rather read reader real realism reality really reason receive recent recently reclamation recognize record recreation red ref refer reference referred reform reformation regard region reign rejection relate relation relationship relatively relativity reliable relic religion religious remain remember remove renaissance replace report republic request require research researcher resource respect response result resurrection retrieve return revelation revert review revision revival revolution rhetoric rich right rise ritual river rock role room royal rule ruled ruler run rural sacred sacrifice safe saga sage saint salad same sample satellite saw say schizophrenia scholar school science scientific scientist scope sea search second secondary section secular see seek seem selection self sense sent sentence separate sequence series service set seven several sexual shall shaman shape share she short should show shrine side sign significant silence similar simple simply since single situation six size skill skin slavery sleep slightly slow small smell smith snake so social society sociology soft soil solar soldier solid soliloquy some someone something sometimes song soon sortable sound source space speak speaker special specie specific speech speed spell spirit spiritual spirituality split sport spread square st. stage stain standard star start state statement station statistic statistical statue status stick still stone stop story strange strap strong structure struggle stub student study stutter style subject successful such sugar suggest sun sung sunlight superior superiority supernatural support suppose supreme sure surface survey surveyor sushi sustainability sustainable sweat symbol symbolic system table take talk tam tan task teach teacher teaching technique technology tectonics teeth tell temperature template temple ten term terminology territory tertiary test testament text textual than thank that the their theism them themselves then theology theoretical theory therapy there therefore thesaurus these they thick thing think third this those though thought thousand three through throughout thumb thus ticket tight time title to today together toilet tolerance toleration tongue too tool top topic total towards tower trade tradition traditional train translation transport travel treat treatment tree trench trial tribe tried trig true truth try turn twentieth twenty two type typical typically ultimate ultraviolet under understand understood union unit united universal universe university unknown unsortable until up upon upper urban urbanization usage use useful usually valley value van vandalism various vassal vegetable verb verbal verse version very video view violence virgin visit vitamin vocabulary voice vol. volume vowel vs. wale wall want war warm warmer wash waste water wave way we weak wealth wear weather web website weight well what when where whether which while white who whole whom whose why wide widely wild wilderness will window wisdom wise witch witchcraft with within without witness woman word work worker world worship would write writer writing wrong yam year yellow you young your

China, March and May made this list because china, march and may are on it and I didn't want to decide in favor of the common noun or the proper noun; all other proper nouns have been omitted (even the ten other months that met the criterium of appearing more then 6 times). #SimpleWikipedia #SimpleEnglish #wordlist #English #words #level1540 #Inli #nimi #selo1540

#SimpleWikipedia SimpleEnglish wordlist English words level1540 Inli nimi selo1540

[sky-designs]

Yes I am trans and yes I love my family.

     I come from somewhere, that somewhere helps to guide me towards where I go. I have my family to thank for that accompaniment, my parents for the gift of life and my friends as well for making the crappy things fun. But for now, it’s time to get closer to those whose genes I closely resemble, being a lady of course. Peace is what I strive for. And feeling a part of the world for me is the most important family I desire to learn from. There is my blood, and the world is my family origin because I see no separation between anything. It is by knowing them and digging deeper that I see that I am not an alien, but a reflection of collected moments of beauty within this outside world of life. I am the result of billions of years of evolution with the consciousness to be myself, whatever the hell that means :D I can feel my wings growing already. We are no mistake and we are definitely not created for god’s pleasing to manipulate us, sorry religion but there is no creator outside of us humans, believe me, or not I don’t care I believe myself. We are definitely free beings and the world out there is crying for us to adapt to it and respond to fill the void inside ourselves, that is, to externalize our thoughts and make of them a deliberate object with weight. So yeah... the road outside of anger is the way into love, and the way into love happens through passion, devotion, and the assured sense of self-confidence that leads one to a sense of peace where they can finally say oh my gosh I actually love myself, I'm amazing, look at how amazing my life is, and then gently pride is released from a dormant stubborn hateful self, and then freedom comes... finally we breathe and experience flow again, the earth is in us, it guide us, we are not mad, we actually flower as children in touch with the history of our land. We know our body, we love our mind, we know what we want, and we will stay alive knowing that our family is life,      My dysphoria is temporary and an unfair way to treat me when I know I am a lady. It is a state of which I disapprove of how I look and feel. Society makes it more difficult because not to be hated on I often sacrifice my own happiness. The good part is that I can change that. I thank science for supporting me because it makes me know for certain that I am not mad and that what I am feeling is backed up with reason. I am transgender under the bio/psycho/social model. I was born with messed up chromosomes most likely because of fertility treatments in the day or maybe even the genetic predisposition my life gave. Following this my life’s experience drove me more towards feminine things because of my genetic structure my interest were lighter, Then puberty hit and drug problems came into the picture. I learned to use drugs to cope with my hormone imbalance, that is to be specific the large doses of testosterone that changed the sweet child me into a disaster and an angry and lonely broken mess. All of this is the social part the psychology part is that I felt dysphoric. I knew something was wrong with me but I couldn’t put a finger on what the heck that feeling could be so sadly I became angry at the world, angry at god until finally I hit rock bottom and became maliciously angry at myself. I remember once I told me mom when I was young that I was gay just to test her seeing how she would react about that, when really I wanted to tell her I was trans but I figured telling her that first and seeing how she would react would give me a pretty good idea if she were ready to hear me out about being trans. So here’s my story, I go to mom after having a truly intimate discussion with her about like. Yes, my mom has always been there for me. She wasn’t overly busy for her success. What she cared about was spending time with me, and what I have learned from her through our social interaction I will never give up for the world.... I love you mom :). So anyways I went to tell mom that I thought I might be gay and I explained a few things, but she really didn’t think that was the case, and honestly neither did I so I can’t blame her for laughing it off because really looking back on it now as my adult self I realize how wrong my approach was.  You LGBTQ+ enthusiast do not dare ever criticize my mother, I swear I love her and you are getting the wrong impression if you ever dare to say so. My mom was my best friend when I was a kid. Yes, I had friends at school but I felt so darn dysphoric that I had a hard time making real lasting relationships with friends. So I remained popular because people thought I was cool for whatever reason, but I never felt good in me. I felt alone, and scared and isolated. So back on the gay thing with mom, the way she reacted was kind of sweet actually. What she said was look if you’re gay I won’t love you any less, but she did insist that she thought I wasn’t gay. Truth be told I knew I wasn’t either so when the mirror was pointed back at me I sort of froze because I figure that if she knew I wasn’t gay she knew me so well she probably already knew I was trans.  So there I was in my innocent brain repressing these memories not knowing what was going on in me. Not having the words, the confidence or the support... So here I need to protect my mom again because she is my mom you fluffers she gave me life so do you really think I'm going to dare put her down. I know she did her best and I know she thought me to do the same. So if anyone has anything to criticize well yes I was a mommy’s boy back then. The reason I did that was because she was the only one who made me feel like a girl. You can argue that the fact that my dad wasn’t in the picture played a role in my gender development, but I know for a fact that this goes way beyond my mother’s separation with her first husband - my dad. This is the story of my life Tumblr it was a difficult one. And the worse part is it was never anybody’s fault, and blaming anyone was seriously only reason to perpetuate the problem.  Victim of victims, the world carries on. Hurt and hurt again, but then forgave and forgotten. Growth comes over time, to others time is not enough, but the truth always remains you’ll never be free until you forgive, no not others but yourself. Growth leading to depersonalization is not necessary, but one thing is certain; family extends all across existence, and relationships with others yet unknown to you at the moment, will later be the proof of your new identity.      Never lose hope. If tonight is dark, all you need to do is wait for tomorrow to come and the sun will rise again. New days are meant to bring change. It influences our thinking as light creates serotonin and various other happy feeling chemicals and vitamins and this rise in consciousness is bound to bring about new solutions.      All this to say my family may cause me hardships, but if I am to be educated myself and honest I do admit I didn’t know everything myself even though I was trans. I just didn’t have the lexicon. The coping skills or even the ability to know when I was mad I was actually just dysphoric and incapable to express the pain I felt because truth remains that there are no good systems to truly support and include trans people into culture, Hi, my name is Vanessa and that’s why I exist, I like being between worlds because it's the only time I feel alive and perfect like the beautiful symmetry openness acquires. I failed to react properly and I owe the world an apology for not coming out earlier. But if I am to truly mean this sorry the world must understand that what happened to me was not my fault.      It is to say that I didn’t mean to lack education. And if I were ever to be accused of lacking education I would redirect the person claiming it to a website of school boards where they can encourage an actual sex-ed class that is precise, safe and fucking honest enough to educate kids about the variety of sexual relationships.

     I didn’t mean to be shot down at every attempt I had to embrace my femininity. I didn’t mean to think the only way I could get through my day was by making people laugh about me so hard so that I could try to get out of the body and forget how disgusted I was with the body I was in my relating to the bad hate jokes I set on myself so that I could commonly let others feel what I felt. I developed a whole bunch of unhealthy fetishism that ultimately destroyed my relationships and brought me close many times to my own death. So I thank my upbringing, for keeping me through the hardest of times because as hard of a life my mom may have given me at the time she prepared me to never back down and I love her eternally for that. And let’s just say 9.5 grams of mushrooms during a time of turmoil is a hell of a scary ride I was glad to come back from... because I do admit much times I was sure I wouldn’t. That’s aside from the psychosis I had where I thought I was already dead stuck in dream life. So there’s proof that I have a strong will to live and that’s what I want to tap into. I want to live to 100. Whether I make it or not doesn’t really matter, what matter is I will do everything in my power to try to make it happen and I will make it my mission to prove that trans people should not be in danger. They should be like me and you, normal people.

     I don’t write this so that any of my readers can fear that I am unstable and that I will kill myself. Don’t worry Tumblr. I have come far and long to know that if I didn’t kill myself when I didn’t know what I was suffering from was gender dysphoria and I was on a ridiculous amount of mushrooms and various other psychedelics that pretty much ruined my life because of how irresponsibly I used them over months at a time. The landing nearly killed me but I was glad to have a support system that caught me before I... well I think you get the point.      But you see all this to say, I don’t regret what I did. I swear to you God if you exist, the sins I committed needed to be done so that I could free my soul from my demons I had no clue haunted me. So that I could experience what it was to be set free and have the chance to express my own identity joyfully without impeding on the beauty of other which my failed emotional security often got in the way.      I did it once and I got stomped down but this time I want to be certain to be against no one and talk bad about no one so that everyone can see I'm not that nervously undefined kind of trans person, I am me and I am proud to me and I am proud that you reading can assert the same, and if not I hope you make it your life mission to do so. I’m more like that certain person that respects myself enough not to need to get mad at others anymore It will still happen, but I know the more I look at me, the less I hate beauty outside of me. I know I deserve beauty, and I’m learning to see that even if the opportunity was taken from me I no longer need to blame god. I understand science has a cause and a solution, and I know my brain is just craving communion.      Actually, to be honest with myself I never was disrespectful with anyone. I always leave people a safe space to express themselves. I think being genuine is what gives us hope to stay alive. My only problem is communicating truth when I'm lying about feeling good in my body. I messed up because I should have come across one who truly knew how bad and deadly dysphoria can feel - our suicide statistics exist for a reason.... Our differences at times isolate us but they also make us feel special when we are amongst others because it makes learning a constant journey in life. Our differences are the reasons for the people we love. They are the reasons for those we let go of. They are the reasons for all things that happen to us because our thoughts literally manifest our actions, or of course, if the self-judge becomes too indulgent we become inactive and self-reflective, doubtful, and over time plainly paranoid.      The truth here is that violence amongst people is no longer a single person case scenario, it’s the result of social isolation and antagonism, and antagonizing and banishing the unwanted has only resulted in the destruction of humanity. All parties are to blame, and the problem is we haven’t come to a common consensus where every single person can stand up and say NOBODY and yes even the worst of people deserves to be isolated from its own humanity. The world creates events, good and bad for us to strive to be the noblest. Through thick and thin we decide what we like and how to love it depending on the bio/psycho/social reason.      Why I'm talking so broadly is to remind you who I am. I am a butterfly by the name of Vanessa. And when I speak. I speak from the sky, a place where I dream in every night. Flying from above, light, relieved and filled with fluidity and belief. A large world is down here on earth, and its mother spirit is filled with beauty calling from her telling us to come and join, to join as a flower child - merely a symbol of beauty and nature, a sign of love.       Then came father the stable and yet wholesome archetype, one further from home. One more distant because of the need to understand that the only woman has the close bond with the child while men and sperm carriers remain genetically distant because they do not carry children if born cis-male. This is the problem for me. I want to be a pregnant trans-woman, and it truly is my only desire that I see could truly make me die happy. I will not be the first one to undertake the procedure, not the second one, but for those future generations to come who suffer the same fear, the problem will be resolved, and behind it all one name will be known of, “Vanessa Sky” and her love for a health filled life of wisdom and truth she relied on made her open to transpire gender norms to make a man perfect woman and woman perfect man, an eternal understanding of humanity’s youth in the broader scale of the universe, and thus develop a sympathy so deep war will no longer be able to exist, because no name for it will be necessary, I know I sound madly Utopic and possibly unrealistic, but what is a trans-woman to do when she’s alone? Live in misery? Or make of her fantasy a definite reality throne? ~ Toodles love’s - Vanessa Sky out :3