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#exceptional isn't it?' and then realized since I hadn't gotten up today I hadn't eaten and 'breakfast' was in the daydream
anarcho-masochist · 5 months
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It really is like my brain went, "Wow, those are powerful intrusive thoughts you've got there. You know what's more powerful? Your desire to see this guy traumatized. Have 1.5 days of maladaptive daydreaming about them."
#I'm predicting this will continue for what's left of today#'pulled myself out of it' now but just enough to do things like post online and eat#I predict I'll return#I got up for the first time today (it's 7pm) and was suprised at how weak and shaky i felt#thought 'it is almost as if I experienced everything from the daydream. the power of one's mind over their physical well-being truly is#exceptional isn't it?' and then realized since I hadn't gotten up today I hadn't eaten and 'breakfast' was in the daydream#(was having trouble remembering whether it was or wasn't)#and of course knew I hadn't yesterday save for breakfast#which was real. I ate it outside and it was nice.#oh yeah and yahto fronted for like 10 minutes earlier but all he did was respond to our friend on the main blog and then we switched again#So it really has been a solid 1.5 days of nothing but daydreaming#Not about Cedar this is about the other one#Cedar also featured prominently. He just wasn't the main draw.#It was a coherent plotline but I wouldn't tell not-cedar the details of it on pain of death#I need something to call this person other than “not-cedar” or just using pronouns that WILL NOT communicate to them that it's them#And it's technically people not person but I don't know which they prefer#100% of people I've gotten obsessed with are also plural (all 2 of them) (or 14(?) depending on how you count it)#(Actually. Since I'm specifically obsessed with Cedar not his whole system it's more like 6? people)#(I'm not sure if there's a particular alter I like the most in the second system)
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mellie1409 · 3 years
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Practice day
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Knock knock knock
'Y/N, it's time to wake up you hear Jin say.
As usually, he leaves the door open on a crack, through which the early morning sun rays sneak in paired with the sound of people talking in raspy morning voices.
It had been a month already since you moved in with BTS and you still didn't get used to wake up in a foreign house full with silly and loving laughters 24/7.
As you stood up to open the curtains, you stretched your back, sore from what had been weeks full of intensive dance training, to try and lift your dance level up to the rest of the group's.
You opened the window and took a deep breath in of fresh air. 'Another day, another practice and a day less to debut! '  you told yourself. Then headed to the bathroom to put on your lenses and get dressed for practice.
As the boys knew you weren't a morning person and, on the same way some people didn't liked being talked to before their morning coffee, you said you didn't like being talked to before having your contacts on as you "couldn't hear if you couldn't see".
Today, you decided to wear comfy clothes as it would be a busy day and you quickly put your hair up in a messy bun before going out of the bathroom.
You walked trough the corridor heading to the living room, but before getting there you stopped by Yoongi's room. The door was open and you saw he had been working on his music equipment on a new song. He had been working on new music whole nights since August D-2 came out.
You saw he had fallen back at sleep after Jin had woken everyone up, so you walked up to him and shook his shoulder. 'Yoongi, we need to leave in 10 minutes, Sejin is already here' you say softly.
Yoongi opens one eye to look up at you before closing it again. 'That means I still have 5 minutes of sleep, please Y/Nssi, don't tell Jin I'm still sleeping. ' he answered in a soft murmur.
Of course you wouldn't say anything after he so sweetly had asked, so when you walked in the living room ready to pack your breakfast and Jin asked you where Yoongi was, you simply answered: 'he is still saving some files from last's night work'.
Jin decided to believe you as he finished packing the 4 maknaes breakfasts with Jimin's help. On the meanwhile J-Hope approached you with a very sleepy look but fully clothed and ready to leave. He handed you a banana milk as you shook your head.
'Thanks Hobi but I have singing lessons this morning and I want my voice to be clear and fresh. ' you try to argue.
He simply looks at you and say: 'Y/Nssi, we all know you get nauseous in the car when you don't eat anything and the last thing you want is to miss a practice day right before debut right? Plus, it came right from the fridge, so I'm sure your throat will feel refreshed ' he says while putting a silly face on.
You let out a dramatic sigh but quickly take the banana milk and drinking it all at once as you were truly thirsty. J-Hope just looked at you and shook his head while laughing.
At that moment Namjoon runs into the room, with a concerned face. 'Guys, Sejin is waiting for us, but I can't find my left shoe... ' And that was the queue for the whole group to start a search expedition for Namjoon's shoe.
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In the car the ride is silent, everyone still too tired from waking up early to talk. But this silence is interrupted by Jin.
'Sugassi, did you get to save the files on time before leaving?' He asks with a funny voice.
Of course, Suga didn't know that was the excuse you had given Jin for his lateness. So his answer was just: 'Huh? Which files?'
And like that everyone started laughing and the silence was broken and interrupted with all class of chattering while the manager, Sejin, drove around Seoul, with a smile on his face.
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First thing you had to do today was a singing lesson with you vocal teacher. You went to the studio to find Ms. Kim Sungeun already there. As you were a foreigner, she allowed you to call her by her name, but, in front of other people, you had to keep the formalities.
'Sungeun, good morning!' you chirp happily.
'My my, you are so happy today! I see you haven't forgotten about what day it is today' she says smiling.
Of course you hadn't, tonight you would be recording you favorite song of the playlist: louder than bombs. You had been waiting so long, and today finally was the day.
With the excitement that kept you jumping up and down you started practicing.
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You were about 1'5 hours in and you had gotten to the adlibs part of the song. These were improvisations you had to make around the main vocals to make the song have more melodies. Because you were knew to the world of singing, Sungeun had prepared some adlibs for you to try out.
You were shy at first, but Sungeun kept encouraging you to sing louder and louder until your inner voice came out. You continued like that for 5 more minutes.
Right as you were on one of the highs the door opened at once, a surprised face appearing in the opening. You look startled at Jungkook as Sungeun turns off the music.
'Are you the one signing Y/N?' he asks. You nod shyly as his face lits up. 'WOW I didn't know you could do that!!! I mean I knew you are and exceptional singer, but this is more than that Y/N, this is inborn talent!!!! '
You let out a shy but happy 'thank you' as you start to blush. At that moment, Jungkook steps in and closes the door.
'Let's try to harmonise to this song' he says while getting a enthusiastic nod from Sungeun.
And like that, the most fun vocal lesson of your life continued. Harmonizing with Jungkook to the rythm of Louder than bombs.
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After that you have Korean lesson with a different teacher, as you were fluent, but still missed some nuances of the Korean language.
When you finished the lesson you walked to the end of the corridor. There was a small kitchen and dining room where the groups had to cook in if they didn't want to go to the cantine in the first floor.
You sat on the only round table in the left corner of the room and took out your Korean books. Your teacher had given you a lot of homework and you knew you would be staying up until late already today, so you didn't want to add up homework to the mix. So you chose to study instead of eating.
Ironic isn't it? You thought to youself. 'I thought I had gotten out of studying when I chose for the idol life and yet here we are. Studying my ass off to be able to achieve my dream. ' You laugh innerly at yourself before starting to make the exercises the teacher had given you.
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3rd person pov
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What Y/N hadn't realized was that making homework in a comfortable sofa after being sleep deprived wasn't the best idea. Before she could even realize it, she had fallen asleep, lying on the sofa, invisible for anyone that came in, except for her feet.
And that's what exactly happened. The TXT members that had just finished their dance practice and had some spare time to eat walked noisily in the room. No one noticed Y/N until Yeonjun stopped at once in his track.
The others members looked at him surprised asking why he had stopped so suddenly. But he shushed them at the same time he pointed at your sleeping figure, or shall we say, shoes? Once they were aware of the situation they lowered their volume as they made their way to the small kitchen to the right.
It took not long until the air of the room was filled with the smell of ramen being cooked and melted cheese on top of it. And this was enough for Y/N to wake up with a rumbling stomach. She looked confused around her and we she realized the TXT members were there, eating while standing so the wouldn't get her books dirty, she quickly stood up and started tidying up the table.
'I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you guys were here and that I had fallen asleep' she said in an apologetic tone.
'Don't worry' Hyuning Kai says happily while sitting down next to you with a  full bowl of instant ramen. 'We understand how hard it so to be about to debut. ' he continues while shrugging.
One by one, the other members start sitting around the table until only Soobin is standing up. Looking around to see why it's taking him so long, a smile suddenly appears on Beomgyu's face.
Soobin has prepared two ramen cups, one for himself and one for Y/N. As he walks up to the table  being careful not to spill the how contents in the paper cups, he says: 'Here you go, Y/N. I thought you would be hungry as you haven't eaten and you need to stay strong before debut. Forget about the diets, no one is going to say anything, right boys? '
They all quickly shake their heads, agreeing with their leader. So you happily enjoy the cup of ramen Soobin had prepared you while having some fun talks with the other TXT members.
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End 3rd person pov
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When you finish eating, you say goodbye to TXT and head off to the dance practice room.
Today you would be practicing the dance to Dyonisus, as you had been doing for the past few days.
When you came in, all the boys were there already. You fastly bowed as an apology for being late, but Jimin quickly sneaked you in before anyone could realize you were late.
'Y/N! I hadn't realized you were here! ' Taehyung says while looking at you together with Namjoon.
'She's pretty quiet today, right Y/Nssi?' Jimin lies.
You get to choose the warm up song as always. And as always you choose the same song you had been obsessed with since the first dance practice you had had together: Daddy from PSY.
Of course the first time the boys saw you doing the dance, they were quite surprised as you had always been pretty shy while dancing and the song's dance was quite explicit. But it took Taehyung no time in joining you. And this time it was no different, everyone becoming hiped up. Flying pulls and jumpers announcing that you were all well warmed up.
The practice started and it was going very good. To the happiness of a strict J-Hope and Sungdeuk, no one messed up and you got to rehearsing the end of the song quicker than any other day.
But then, it happened. You were all supposed to step on top of a table for the ending. Right as you were about to do it for the 12th time, you legs gave up and you fell on your butt. Collective laughter filled the room as you, more embarrassed than hurt, accepted J-Hope's help to get up.
It was quickly decided that it had been enough practice for the day as well as that the table would be lower to accommodate your shorter stature.
As you were cooling off, you couldn't help but blush at the recent memory of you falling of the table. Taehyung saw you and came to give you a comforting hug telling you it had also happened to Jimin a lot, because of his short legs. Of course, the latter heard this and started chasing Taehyung around the room trying to playfully hit him and scold him. You laughed and completely forgot about the incident as you got your things and watched the Tom and Jerry game they were playing.
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Last thing of the day before heading off was recording your part of the song of Louder than bombs. As you enter Namjoon's studio, you start to get nervous. This is your first full vocal song and the first time you will be doing adlibs. Namjoon notices and gives you a reassuring smile while setting everything up.
You go into the room that is connected to the studio by a glass door and stand in front of the microphone.
In the beginning, you feel anxious and your voice isn't full. But as Namjoon's patience never ends you start to grow confident and your inner voice starts to come out.
You sing the song with your full heart and it isn't until Namjoon has come into the recording room and is hugging you, that you realize you had been crying. This is a very special song to you, the mening being it always hit your sensible spot, so it wasn't strange that singing it triggered such a reaction in you.
As you sobbed uncontrollably into Namjoon's chest, the tiredness and hunger of the day getting to you, Namjoon spoke softly: 'It's okay, it has also happened to the best of us. No need to worry. You are just tired probably and this is quite an emotional song. Why don't we stop for today? Hmm? '
'But the adlibs... ' you say while sniffing.
'Don't worry about them, we can record them tomorrow. Why don't we order some take out and eat it here only the two of us? ' he says cheerly.
You of course don't mind being with the other members, but sometimes it got tiring having to show that you were good, that you were the best and that's why you had been chosen to debut with the biggest boyband of the world. Being able to show your vulnerable side to Namjoon felt good, and you didn't mind being able to do so some more time.
'That sounds like a great idea' you answer with a soft smile  having fully stopped crying by now, the thought of food helping to your emotional state.
After having ordered some fried chicken (that will totally skip the diet you you were supposed to follow, but never did as you were a rebel), you sat down on Namjoon's studio's sofa, waiting for the delivery to come.
Namjoon looked at you and spoke up: 'Y/N, I know you are under a lot of pressure joining us into this crazy journey. But please, let us take care of you. You are after all the maknae and our little sister. So don't worry about trying to show us you are worth it, just do your best for yourself. '
This took away all your worries of the past few weeks that hadn't let you sleep well, worried about you daily performance in front of them, the mask you had set up to always show your happy side and never you worries. And as you ate the chicken that had finally arrived, you told Namjoon about all your worries and problems.
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