Tumgik
#fusheng is in for a rough time in this fic
eirenical · 4 years
Text
This is the opening scene to what will someday be a much longer story, but I think it can stand on its own, as it is, so I thought I’d post it as a teaser.  ^_^  It will ultimately be a fix-it for canon that ends in our main love triangle becoming a threesome (because I can’t resist an OT3... ;D), but for now is... mainly Luo Fusheng getting himself in far too deep and then realizing what a terrible position he’s put himself in.  
...enjoy?  ^_^
Convenience | Granting You a Dreamlike Life
Luo Fusheng x Xu Xingcheng | Rating: M
Missing scene for episode 3--the night before the morning after.
In Europe… at school… many of my friends had such arrangements of… convenience.  I always thought… how lucky they were to have that.  And now I have that, too!  How lucky am I?
Luo Fusheng lay awake for some time after Xingcheng had finally fallen asleep, those words echoing in his ears.  He’d thought—  It didn’t matter what he’d thought.  He’d been wrong.  He’d been on one page, and Xingcheng had been on another, and that was the only thing that mattered.  Xingcheng’s wandering hands, the dumpling, the way he’d rushed back to the theatre, all but falling over himself to make sure Fusheng wasn’t injured… the way he’d leaned so earnestly against him, pressing Fusheng into the door of his bedroom the second it was closed behind them, mouth opening hot and eager against his… none of it had meant what Fusheng thought it meant.
Convenience.
And when Xingcheng had pushed him across the room to the bed, backing him up with insistent kisses and hands that couldn’t strip the wet clothes from him quickly enough… that hadn’t meant what Fusheng thought it meant either.  And when they were both naked, Xingcheng holding Fusheng's wrists tightly over his head as he moved between his legs, sucking marks into every piece of exposed skin he could reach, branding him with bruises of Xingcheng’s own making to mask the ones Fusheng had earned fighting Hu Qi's gang earlier… that hadn’t been what Fusheng thought it was, either.
Possession.
Fusheng eased out of bed and padded across the room to the mirror.  The kiss bruises that Xingcheng had left behind stood out in livid color against the larger, duller bruises from earlier.  They littered his torso, his collarbones, his neck, raw like open wounds.  He imagined he could still feel Xingcheng’s teeth in some of them.
Not love.
Xingcheng’s fingers had left their own marks—bracelets of bruises around his wrists like fine jewelry… the only type of gift a convenience deserved.  Fusheng pressed the heels of his hands hard into his eyes.  He could do this.  He could adjust his expectations. His expectations hadn’t been realistic to begin with.  Xingcheng was going to marry Lan Lan.  They all knew it.  It had been planned since they were children.  Xingcheng wasn’t his to keep, had never been his to keep.  Not like this.  Fusheng should be grateful to have even this much.  He should.  It was selfishness of the highest order to want more, to yearn for something that was not his, that could never be his… that Xingcheng didn’t even want to give him.
Love…
It was safer, by far, to be a convenience.
To be a friend.
He could do that.
Fusheng reached into his chest of drawers and pulled on his softest set of silk pajamas, hiding that night’s memory away along with the sight of each and every one of those bruises.  Pulling out another set of pajama pants and a tee-shirt—Xingcheng never had been able to sleep with his arms covered—he moved to the bed to dress his friend, his brother.  How many times had he done this?  Helped Xingcheng out of his clothes and into sleepwear when Xingcheng was too drunk to do it himself, or already sleeping?  Too many times over the years; so many times that they’d all blurred together.
Memories did that… blurred together.
So many drunken nights, so many nights when Xingcheng had fled his cold, silent home seeking comfort—in drink, in song, in Fusheng’s company—and Fusheng had given him everything he needed, everything he asked for.  Always.  No hesitation.  Fusheng had kissed him, petted him, soothed him, swallowed him down like a personal benediction… but they’d been young, then, not even properly men.  It had been fun and games, then.  Young men trying to be adults, to take adult comforts from each other, when they were anything but.
It was different now.
Fusheng slipped back into bed, gaze sliding around the room, cataloging the damage from the evening, the things he would have to clean up come morning, before he had to explain it all to Luo Cheng… or worse, Shuang-jie. No.  No, he couldn’t risk that.  Shuang-jie would see the bruises, no matter how he tried to hide them.  She would ask, and she would scold, and the word ‘convenience’ would slip off his tongue and shatter on the floor for him to cut himself to ribbons on and she would know—
Fusheng bit down hard on his forearm, breathing ragged as he fought to get himself under control, adding one more damning bruise to the set he already had.  When Fusheng came back to himself enough to disengage his teeth and lower his arm, Xingcheng had shifted, turning towards him in the bed, his left arm now slung over Fusheng’s stomach, his hand heavy and possessive where it lay, and a sweet, contented smile on his face as he curled closer.
And, in spite of his turmoil, that smile… that possessive arm… they sparked a surge of warmth in Fusheng’s chest, even as a tendril of deeper, darker heat coiled low in his belly.
In all of Dongjiang, the only one who can tell me what to do… I’m afraid it’s you.
The words had slipped out of him in a moment of sentimentality on the back of a motorcycle, the wind snatching them away so quickly that Fusheng had almost hoped Xingcheng hadn’t heard.  Fusheng had once sworn that he would never let Xingcheng know that, would never reveal how deeply Xingcheng had hold of him.  Da-ge had forced that promise from him one drunken night while Xingcheng was overseas.  Fusheng hadn’t understood then, how dangerous that knowledge could be for him, if Xingcheng had it.
Fusheng understood, now.
And it was far, far too late to do anything about it.
Da-ge… you were right.  You were right, and I’m sorry.  I should have listened.
Resolutely closing his eyes, Fusheng did his best to let it go, to let Xingcheng’s warmth and sleepy weight drag him down to sleep, himself—desperately hoping all the while that that was the only thing Xingcheng would drag him down to… and somehow knowing that he was not going to get off that easily.  Xingcheng owned him, body, heart, and soul… and now Xingcheng knew it.  Fusheng didn’t stand a chance.
37 notes · View notes
eirenical · 3 years
Link
Reclamation: Chapter 3 (6,407 words) by eirenical
Chapters: 3/4 Fandom: 许你浮生若梦 | Xǔ Nǐ Fú Shēng Ruò Mèng | Granting You a Dreamlike Life (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Luo Fusheng/Xu Xingcheng, Luo Fusheng/Xu Rui'an Characters: Luo Fusheng, Xu Xingcheng, Xu Xingyuan, Liu Shuzhen, Luo Cheng (Granting You a Dreamlike Life), Shuang-jie, Original Male Character(s), Original Female Character(s) Additional Tags: Here we go..., Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Panic Attacks, Nightmares, Flashbacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety, Panic, Past Torture, Sexual Torture, Held Down, Object Insertion, Asphyxiation, Drowning, Rough Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Dissociation, sub space, (but not in a sexual way), Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Whump, Whumptober 2020, Cuddling & Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Hair Washing, Bathing/Washing, hair petting, Dirty Hair, feeling dirty, Ablutophobia (Fear of Bathing), Reconciliation, Recovery, Safehouses, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, If I think of any, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Derealization, Dreams vs. Reality, Forced Orgasm Series: Part 7 of Indefinitely
Summary:
~You're not taking proper care of yourself, boy.~
Fusheng moaned low in his throat, arms wrapping around himself as he swayed in the middle of the room.  He couldn't think about that.  He couldn't start down that road.  Not now.  Not now that he was finally doing better.
~I think a hot bath is just what you need.~
With a low cry, Fusheng forced his body back into motion, pacing, pacing, pacing, anything to exhaust himself enough so that he could sleep.  Anything to outrun the memories.  Anything to escape him.
~Maybe you need a little help with that.~
Fusheng lunged for the door to his room, uncaring who might be awake or asleep or pacing the hallway.  He had to get out.  Anywhere that that voice couldn't follow him.  Anywhere where he could breathe.  Anywhere that he couldn't feel those hands all over him with every step he took.
September 19, 2021:
*cracks knuckles* OK, everyone.  Here we go. This last week and a half was a LOT with the holidays and work and just... LIFE, so sorry about the delay, but this chapter is the climax of the story and I wanted to make sure I gave it the time I needed to edit and iron it out properly. All the same warnings apply to this chapter as the rest of the fic...
BUT.
If this fic is the one in this series that most earns its warning, then this CHAPTER is the one in this FIC that most earns its warnings.   PLEASE BE AWARE.
Glossary and detailed warnings in the endnotes, as usual.
...enjoy?  ;D
Detailed warnings behind the cut, as usual, but BEWARE THAT THESE ARE EVEN MORE OF A DOOZY THAN USUAL.
Further details about warnings: The first scene contains a moderate anxiety attack and some mild self-harm (Fusheng pinches himself by accident, then does it again, digging his nails into his skin, when he finds that it helped him regain some clarity).   Mention is made to a phobia developing in regards to bathtubs/bathing.
In the second scene, Fusheng starts out about 75% of the way into a panic attack due to nightmares.  Mention is made of poor self-care habits (e.g., an inability to bathe without inducing a panic attack).  He's partway into flashback territory at this point, with memories of Xu Rui'an's voice acting like intrusive thoughts.  He flees the house into the ocean, and seriously considers letting himself drown.
XXC saves him from that decision, but pushes him over the edge into a panic attack at the same time.  In the discussion that follows, they manage to reconcile somewhat and Fusheng lets slip what Xu Rui'an had done to him that finally broke him.  When they get up to go inside, Fusheng realizes that he's covered in sand and salt and is going to have no choice but to bathe.  He begs Xingcheng to just knock him out with drugs and bathe him while he's unconscious.  Xingcheng refuses, and in his panic, Fusheng finally drops into the flashback that he's been running from all night.
The flashback is a scene of sexual torture. If you want to skip it, it starts here: "But Fusheng was lost, spiraling down into that memory..." and ends here: "Mama!  Yuan Yuan!  Come quick!   Please, I need help!"
Xu Rui'an and the guards force Fusheng down into a bathtub of very hot water, jerking him off at the same time, then pull him up just before he drowns. He orgasms soon after.  He's then forced back into the water.  Xu Rui'an and the guards start teasing him with the sponges, then push him back under the water, pushing several of the sponges inside of him, .They let him up again, then push him back into the water, this time with Xu Rui'an on top of him. Fusheng is forced to give him a blowjob until he blacks out from lack of oxygen.
When Fusheng wakes up he's being held down on a bench. Xu Rui'an starts fucking him with the sponges still inside him, the cold water from the sponges causing pain and cramping. He is forced to orgasm again, but still the rape continues. This is about when he comes out of the flashback.
Final scene contains a panic attack and mild dissociation due to the bathing.
...I think that's everything? O_o;;;
9 notes · View notes