#good music to create scenarios in your head and to envy stranger's voices to though

[bruh-haikyuu]

can i request a scenario with jealous akaashi where his fem!s/o intentionally ignores him and entertain other guys just to piss him off? thankyu x.

A/N: Akaashi fggghg *brain explodes* Fem!MC in here does kyudo (or Japanese archery)!! So I hope you like the limited extent of my knowledge from just watching Tsurune and reading pdfs on kyudo hdjfhdf

P.S: I also made myself a carrd if you want to check it out! (it’s complete with bg music and shit damn); I’m also changing the format of my dividers so you can see them better!

monophobia. | akaashi keiji

word count: 3742

warnings: angst

(n.) the fear of being alone

It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.

You could count on yourself and your godforsaken boyfriend that you’d rather stick your arrows up your ass before you’d admit it was your fault—which it clearly wasn’t.

Your chest guard felt sickly cramped as you tightened the string of your bow. You didn’t even give a second glance to the green lawn that faced the dojo—the arrows you’d fired today wasn’t sticking anywhere close to the target, and frankly, you had hoped that your coping method would fare much better than you’d thought.

From the corner of your eye, you noticed the wooden placard hanging from the entrance of the enclosure. Last year, a group of your upperclassmen had bought the gaudy thing from the nearby gift shop as a “parting gift to their cute kouhai”. You remembered the forced grin you and the other members shared when they decided to put it up at the first place anyone would see when they entered the dojo.

Heijoshin. Ordinary mind. An undisturbed heart at all times.

“An arrow won’t hit unless your spirit is in balance: resolute, yet serene,” the voice of the Kyudo Club’s coach echoed in your head.

Was it bothering you that much, your fight with Akaashi? If this lingered in your head, it’d affect your archery performances as well as the impressions you and the rest of the club had worked so hard on forming upon the new members… Maybe you should apologize soon—

Scowling, you clicked your tongue and picked up another arrow. “My mind is as ordinary as it can be. It’s not a problem… it’s not my fault.”

You nocked the shaft to your bow, your glove grazing gently on the fibers of the string. A petty fight wasn’t going to be enough to waver your resolve. If someone had to apologize, it was him. He’d started the whole thing anyway…

Taking a deep breath, the muscles of your shoulders slackened and you raised the bow over your head, drawing the string in an arc so perfect that’d have your upperclassmen and Akaashi gasping in awe. Into the stage of kai*, the wooden placard seemed to glow brightly in your head. This was it. This was going to be the perfect shot… Heijoshin…

You freed your mind off the entire universe and released. Miss.

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

Just into your second year, your former upperclassmen had bestowed upon you the “honor” of being the Captain of the Kyudo Club—and to think that the tasteless placard in the dojo was weighty enough. Your boyfriend Akaashi, on the other hand, was a hair luckier with his entire Vice-Captain gig going on.

“’Lucky’… In my case, that word would fit better in a phrase like ‘lucky charm’ or ‘lucky fortune’. But about the things that I have to handle, it’s nearly unthinkable even if I’m only second-in-command,” he said, face paling in deep thought.

You laughed and fiddled with the yumibukuro* encasing your bow. “I suppose Bokuto-senpai is proving to be much more extraordinary than we’d thought. The Boys’ Volleyball Club is in for an exciting treat with him as Captain; you’re going to need a lot of lucky charms this time.”

“If we get enough new first-years to subdue him, then maybe it’d be a treat for me. Until then, I’m counting on my lucky charm to make sure I stay grounded.”

You blushed at his words, finding interest at the hem of your blazer—he always had his way to render you flustered even with a poker face on. Noticing the slight bump of your knuckles, Akaashi glanced at your dainty hands against his (though both calloused from hours of intense sports) and threaded your fingers together. Amused, he watched the red on your cheeks deepen.

“I-I’ll do my best so you can do your best, Keiji-san.”

Smiling, he brought your linked hands to eye level. “I look forward to it.”

“Akaashi!”

From around the corner where the both of you were huddled together, third-year Bokuto Koutarou, Captain of the Boys’ Volleyball Club, emerged. At a distance, he really did look like a horned owl just as the rumors said.

“Akaashi, I thought we were going to hand out the flyers together, you sleazy dog… Is that your girlfriend? Hi there, Kyudo-chan! Sorry, but I’m gonna have to take back what belongs to the Volleyball Club for a while, ‘kay?”

You only bowed politely, though roping all the forces in your body to not belt out in laughter. A quiet sigh escaping his lips, Akaashi reluctantly unraveled his fingers from yours and went to pick up the pile of hand-drawn promotions that had been sitting right below the bench. As his back faced you to go and fulfill his club duties, you felt your heart sink.

“Um… Keiji-san?”

He turned around hopefully, a playful glint dancing in his eyes. “Yes, Y/N-san?”

“You’ll be there to see my kyudo demonstration, right?”

A single eyebrow raised, Akaashi chuckled. “Of course, Buchou-san*.”

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

You laid spread-eagle on the middle of the dojo’s floor thinking about lunch then Akaashi, then lunch, then Akaashi again.

Every muscle in your system was asleep at this point, leaving you rooted to the wooden slats. Your stomach on the other hand was a different case altogether. Maybe you shouldn’t have skipped out on lunch.

Maybe you shouldn’t have fought with Akaashi.

Groaning, you shook your head to dismiss the notion. No way. He started it. What were you feeling so sorry for? Rolling over to your side, you wondered if you could just fall asleep and start a new life inside your head.

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

“Midori, can you check the strings on the bows for me? I’ll just go and get the extra gloves from Ikuya-sensei for a bit.”

Your fellow second-year member meekly picked up one of the ragged bamboo bows and gave you a thumbs-up. Slipping into your indoors shoes as you leave the dojo, you rubbed at your eyes, the fatigue of trying to negotiate with your coach to make your upperclassmen’s placard “more impressionable for the guests” seeping into your head.

Though exhausted, you were satisfied. Last year’s tournament had created a deep image for Fukurodani Academy’s Kyudo Club. While you barely mentioned it, you were proud of the fact that you contributed to many of the perfect shots for your team as their omae*. The result was an unexpected crowd of first-years as well as second and third-years at the Kyudo Club’s booth at today’s opening ceremony.

“Put on a show for them, L/N-san,”  your club’s advisor grinned while handing you a box of new gloves under her desk.

Your face brightened at the thought of finally being able to pull off the shot you’ve been practicing for weeks. And with your boyfriend watching you every step of the way, you were confident you were going to blow their socks off. So far, so good—

“I’ve always liked you, Akaashi-san! Please go out with me.”

You froze like a deer caught in headlights. Quick enough to give you whiplash, you snapped your head in the direction of the wall beside you. Peering over the bricks that separated you from the view, you tiptoed to a level that allowed you to watch the entire affair without being seen.

There he was, like the feminine voice had indicated, your boyfriend Akaashi Keiji in all his glory, a dumbstruck expression painting his face. Standing across him was a second-year girl, someone you’d habitually seen to be from Class 2-2. What was her name again…? Gotou…?

However, the first thing you noticed about the entire rendezvous was that Gotou-san was pretty. Awfully pretty. It took you a moment to process that Akaashi was actually a rather attractive individual too, and for him to get confessed to shouldn’t be much of a surprise to you, or even anyone.

…But why did your chest hurt so much?

“I-I’m sorry, Gotou-san,” your ears perked up at his voice. Akaashi was bowing graciously before the girl in front of him. “I can’t accept your confession.”

You felt rude for even thinking that your faith in Akaashi was hopeless. Just as relief washed over you like a cold torrent, Gotou Hanako suddenly threw herself at your boyfriend with tears streaming down her face. You nearly choked over your own breath.

“I know I can’t have you, but please let me hold you like this for now…!” she sobbed into his uniform.

In your head, Akaashi had already pushed the girl away, reprimanding her of the severity of her extreme advances. In your head, you walked away from the site calmly, knowing that your boyfriend wouldn’t doubt a speck of your relationship. In your head, everything was fine.

But in real life, Akaashi didn’t push her away. In real life, Akaashi stroked her back and let her cling onto him like an anchor. In real life, there was the green monster called envy.

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

You smacked your forehead on the side of a shelf storing kyudo uniforms when a rapt knock on the entrance door brought you to wake. You winced at the sharp sting settling on your temple; though you couldn’t see it, you felt a faint patch of red and purple already forming there.

“Sorry for the intrusion, Y/N—um… L/N-san.”

Dizzied from your sudden nap and the slight concussion that the shelf had given you, you’d barely noticed that Akaashi had entered the compound. He looked exactly the same as he always did—tousled dark hair, with a slight jaded look to his eyes. Neatly pressed uniform, direct orders from his mother, paired with the porcelain tone of his skin. But the tense air to him made worlds of difference, and you nearly mistook him for a stranger because of it.

In his clutches was a dainty lunch box, wrapped neatly with a ginko-patterned cloth that made the blood rise to your face. It so happened to be the exact same ginko-patterned cloth that you used to bundle up your own lunch. Alas, for a ‘lucky charm’, you wouldn’t consider it lucky to have the one thing that could save you from starvation to be held by the last person you wanted to see in that moment.

“Your younger sister asked me to bring it to you,” he said. The cold tone he used did nothing to blend well with the atmosphere. “Technically, she just gave it to me then left.”

You cursed your sister in your mind, making sure she received as much astral flicks to the forehead as possible. Indignantly puffing out your chest, you snatched the box away from Akaashi while doing your absolute best to not get vacuumed into the soft gaze that he held.

“Thank you very much. A-Akaashi-san,” you wanted to vomit with the way you churned out his last name. Had you grown so accustomed to calling him by his first name that you’d completely forgotten how to call him by his last?

Please say something. Despite the wall you had built in your head to separate the both of you, you didn’t want it. You could honestly just apologize and get the whole thing over with, but what was so difficult about doing that?

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

You’d expect the audience to work up a healthy sweat in your palms, but even with their interested gazes, you felt absolutely nothing. Meanwhile, Akaashi was seated elegantly at the front of the crowd, giving you what could be the warmest smile in the world.

Against your usual responses to him, you quickly turned away, effectively barricading him from you. You’d decided after the spectacle you had seen, that nothing was going to distract you from performing the perfect shot. Not even the kind glances Akaashi was giving you.

“The Captain of the Kyudo Club will now demonstrate the standard hassetsu*,” Midori announced to the crowd as you approached the front lines.

All eyes fell on you as you carefully positioned yourself then your bow according to your target. When you arrived at the point to nock your arrow in its cranny, your breaths fell jagged and the world seemed to fall apart.

Why did that have to happen? Why did you have to see that right before a pivotal moment like this? Akaashi knew how risky it was to pull off that move in public, so why did he do it? You, who had been so confident about showing the audience a breathtaking exhibition, now hesitated of the outcome of your shot.

You didn’t even realize you had already fully pinned your string back in all its force… How long had you been holding that? Was it eight seconds already? Gritting your teeth in prayers, you hoped that it was enough and released, the whinnied whip of the arrow nearly throwing you backwards.

Your chest dropped at the sight of the target. Your arrow hit right on, but it was dangerously close to the frames. Too long, you scowled, chastising yourself. That draw was timed too long.

Behind you, Akaashi made a startled face that quickly contradicted all the smiles he had given you so far. Seeing his guiltless expression only made you even more irritated. “Would a volunteer like to have a try?” A couple of eager hands shot up like fireworks. You were almost impressed that they still wanted to try out even after seeing a shot like that.

However, in the crowd of excited figures, you spotted a first year who’d been eyeing you virtuously since he had entered the dojo. Come to think of it, you’d seen him in last year’s tournament too… he’d been staring at you wide-eyed back then as well—taking in your posture and movements like a living camera despite only being a volunteer staff at the venue.

“You there. At the front, what’s your name?” you called out him. Were you even thinking? If so, what were you thinking of? You didn’t even care. You were just… angry. “Do you have any experience in kyudo?”

His back straightened like a ruler when he stood, the wisps of his black hair flying all over his face as he smoothed out his uniform before you. “T-Takehashi Keigo from Class 1-2!  U-um, my experience… In my first year of middle school I joined a neighborhood kyudo association… I’m afraid I’m not as good as you though. I-I saw your performance at the tournament last year… it was amazing.”

Looking between Akaashi and the boy in front of you, you simpered. Jackpot.

Handing him your bow and glove, you made sure your skin lingered against his for a tad bit too long; just enough for a certain someone’s pair of rain-colored eyes to notice. “Show me how you handle the bow, Takehashi-kun. I will guide you from there.”

Like the cherry blossoms bordering the fence outside the dojo, the boy’s face bloomed into a vibrant shade of pink and red. As Takehashi took his stance, it came to your attention, that for someone who only had limited exposure to kyudo grounding, he wasn’t bad. If this wasn’t a case to simply make your boyfriend feel bitter, you would probably probe into his skills a little bit further.

“Ah, wait. Your hikiwake* is a bit shaky. Here, let me…”

If your head hadn’t been clouded with acid, you probably wouldn’t be doing this. You probably wouldn’t be sidled so cozily against the shoulder of an unknowing first-year with an obvious devotion for you. You probably wouldn’t be acting like such a petty girlfriend—what was Akaashi’s head clouded with when he embraced Gotou like that? Was he thinking of you when he did it?

Akaashi’s glare was drilling through your back already. Even inside the cool dojo, you could feel the heat seeping inside your kyudogi*. You didn’t want to stop. A lone voice within you screamed of selfishness, but at what cost? You almost smiled at the thought of giving him a taste of his own medicine.

By the time demonstrations were over, there was a half-full applications log for the Kyudo Club, a near empty dojo, and an evidently disgruntled Akaashi Keiji. The latter had quickly dragged you away to the quiet crook harboring the lawn maintenance shed with no words to spare.

“…What were you doing?” he gritted, shoes tapping impatiently and throwing bits and pieces of sand at your feet.

You frowned, “What’re you accusing me of?”

“There’s nothing to accuse you of if you were doing it on purpose,” Akaashi shot back. “You were practically holding that first year much too close to be modest. I don’t know what kind of message you’re trying to convey to me, but you have to stop.”

“What if I said that it was purely accidental?” you, too, felt increasingly impatient. Apologize already, you thought, as if he would miraculously hear you.

“Don’t peg me for Bokuto-san; I’m not gullible. I knew you were deliberately doing it, Y/N-san.”

Your lips flattened into a thin line. You were running out of composure by now; the fuse was lit and ready to go. “Does that make hugging Gotou-san much less of a intentional action then?”

The missile has blown and the fog thickened. You watched the color drain from your boyfriend’s features—his pale skin was somehow even more paler than before. Meanwhile, his eyes were the perfect image of horror: its reflective surface bounced off your image like a broken mirror, distorting you and the world around it.

You took his silence as a cue to continue. “I saw you. I saw her confess to you. I saw you hug her even though you rejected her… I don’t get it, Keiji-san. Why did you do it? Did it ever occur to you that you had a girlfriend?”

“I was just as confused as you. I was only consoling her and that was that,” the way his voice grew louder only made your chest tighten. “If someone had rejected you, wouldn’t you want to be comforted? Or is the great L/N Y/N too inhospitable for that?”

You and Akaashi never argued. Never. Everyone had said you were like the pieces of a perfect jigsaw puzzle. Compatible in all angles. But now, seeing him yell and hearing yourself yell was the antithesis of that entire allegory. It was like you had bent yourselves apart by force.

“I wouldn’t know because I never confessed to anyone! You were the one who confessed to me first, moron,” you seethed, blood boiling in your veins.

“Then, I wish I never did!”

And the entire world fell apart.

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

“Wait!”

You had blurted the word out so easily. If only it was just as easy to say it when you fought… things would be a little lighter.

Akaashi, who had earlier looked arguably reluctant, turned on his heel rather swiftly at your call. Now that you’d done the trick, what was next? Apologizing immediately seemed very anticlimactic and you weren’t one to admit loss so effortlessly—

“L/N-san, if it’s not important, I’m sure you don’t need me here,” your last name sounded like an alien language on his tongue. It was hostile and definitely foreign.

‘Hostile’ to hell! you huffed as you watched his back drift away ever so slowly before you. “D-don’t go!”

Fantastic, now he was looking at you like you were the alien in the room. Meeting his steely gaze, your feet shifted nervously against the wooden slats. A stubborn knot tightened in your throat, nearly forcing out what you’d presumed to be vomit settling behind your mouth.

“Please don’t leave me, Keiji-san…” your eyes flickered fleetingly before finally descending on your feet, “I’m scared of going back to being alone. I-I understand if you want to break up with me but—”

“Y/N-san, I’m not breaking up with you.”

The sound you made was an incoherent mixture of a relieved sigh and cry of shock. Whatever the noise was, your expression on the other hand was enough to make Akaashi’s cheeks puff up in subdued laughter. You didn’t say it, but you really did miss his smile; the way it’d stir up all the warmth in your stomach, it formed bubbles of fluttery comfort that rose all the way up to your head.

“I-I thought you were going to break up with me,” he said as-a-matter-of-factly. “What I did was unacceptable. I was overwhelmed by Gotou-san’s actions and I became so angered by your, uh… ‘vengeance’ that I didn’t think to consider your feelings more. I was selfish, Y/N-san. And I’m sorry for hurting your feelings. Please forgive me for the awful things I’ve done to you.”

Were you even breathing anymore? When was the last time you inhaled air? When you murmured his name, like the mantra that it seemed like, all the weight you had been shouldering the past few days was finally knocked off your back. You could finally breathe.

“How unfair, Keiji-san.”

“Huh?!”

“That apology was too sentimental for me to outdo,” you continued rather gruffly, though in your heart, the gates for Akaashi was already wide open. “But, still… I’m really sorry for what I did. I see that the stunt I pulled off was pushing it too much… I promise, Takehashi-kun and I don’t have any further relations aside from captain to club member. In that way, I want to fix what happened… If that’s alright with you?”

When Akaashi thought about something serious, he became as still as a statue. In your dojo, he stood unmoving, you were afraid if you were to say something he’d shatter and turn into dust. Yet, the grim look would have fooled you if it weren’t for the words he’d uttered next.

“Y/N-san, would it be appropriate if I kissed you right now?”

“Wh-what?!” your lips tingled along with the searing heat that clouded your cheeks. God, he was really high-maintenance whenever he wanted to be. “Sorry, but I think that’s impossible r-right now! If you did that, I’ll definitely—”

As you rambled on, you didn’t realize that Akaashi had moved closer to you and ruffled your hair endearingly. He laughed, “I know, I know. I just missed seeing your flustered face. If a kiss won’t do… then, can you show me your archery?”

Picking up your bow leaning on the side of a shelf, you beamed brightly. Your heart was clearer than the sky that day. Heijoshin. No misses.

══════ ⋆★⋆ ══════

Glossary:

kai - the sixth stage of the hassetsu: the full draw

yumibukuro - cloth casing for the bow

buchou-san - ‘chief’ (of a club)

omae - the first archer to shoot in a tachi (a group of archers shooting, usually five)

hassetsu - the eight stages of a shooting ritual

hikiwake - the fifth stage of the hassetsu: the draw

kyudogi - the kimono-like top of standard kyudo gear

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