#gosh i was nervous before but now i actually want a second season so badly mostly because i have to KNOW

[daltoneering]

Fire, Water and Smoke Imagery in ep 14

Over 8000 words of thoughts on the fire and water imagery in this series and now we're finally here... honestly I have spent far too many hours of my life thinking about swimming pools and cigarettes, I'll be glad for a break 😂 (actually no I won't, I'm gonna miss doing these so much!)

Let's get into it.

A callback to Porsche's phoenix, and a visual of the memory he was telling Kinn about in episode 4: to grow up and become the phoenix, and take care of himself and Chay. Porsche has held onto the freedom of being true to himself throughout, and has shown that same freedom to Kinn, allowing him to become his full self. By the end of the episode Porsche is reborn into a new version of himself, one that rules by Kinn's side: freed by their love for each other.

This shot of Gun/Kun/Kan victory smoking is almost perfectly match cut with Porsche tipping his head back in distress in the previous scene. It's a clear indication and contrast of how they are both feeling—Porsche falling apart because he has no idea what's going on or what the truth is, and Gun sitting happy in his pre-conceived victory.

Gosh RIP Daddy Chan!!! Going out in style still doing his duty to the end by warning Kinn that the minor family were coming, and lighting up a smoke to see him over to the other side. The ultimate comfort cigarette.

The pool that Vegas "dies" next to is yet another new swimming pool in the main family complex. I'm actually really glad that they didn't go with the main central one, as too much of its meaning is caught up in Korn and Kinn, and instead gave VP their own pool. They're covered in the reflections from the pool for almost all of their dialogue, and when Vegas falls (depending on which shot you look at) he's almost in the water. I've often posited that water/swimming pools have to do with the main family, and I wonder if this isn't something about the inescapability of Vegas' demise while still in that shadow—or watery reflection—of that main family.

I don't have masses of thoughts on Kim smoking but as it is my duty to report each time a character does—he's clearly thinking of Chay.

Ahhh, my beautiful episode 1 callback. The same boat. The same river. The same section of river and buildings in the background. KP on equal footing. The lights on the water throwing back to their first kiss.

And still surrounded by the water. Still surrounded by the huge mafia expanse of it. More in the heart of it, in fact, than ever. And I have to be honest—I wasn't sure it was going to end up like this. There is a part of me that wonders (hopes?) that if we do get a s2, they will be able to get away from that huge expanse of still, reflective water—get away from the leadership of it all and experience some of the quiet, loving life together that they have both dreamed of.

But is true freedom like that fully attainable, for people with so much in their pasts and such deep devotion to their families? Right now, I don't think it matters, because they have each other. They have promised themselves to each other. Mafia bosses or not, that's never going to change, and now matter where they are or how much water is surrounding them, they'll be holding on tight to each other.

And so we end up here: with the victor, and his two poor fish, kept in separate tanks trying to fight each other till someone ends up dead. Korn is still very much playing the long game. He is still very much scheming. And while he may be sitting pretty for now, I don't think the Porsche we know and love is going to allow him to remain there for long... especially not if Nampheung is the final key to the puzzle.

To read the other 8000 words of fire/water/smoking meta throughout all the episodes, you can check out my masterpost google doc [some of the earlier stuff and probably intro still needs updating], or the individual episode write-ups I've been posting here on tumblr since ep 9.

Mirrors and reflections in this episode

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche meta #kp* #fire water series #gosh i was nervous before but now i actually want a second season so badly mostly because i have to KNOW #WHAT THE HECKITY IS GOING ON #and also i do personally want them to be as free as they can and at least go on holiday to a beach bar <3 #though i am satisfied/have made my peace with them as mafia bosses for now

[five-wow]

Author Asks

Rules: answer these questions and tag five other fic writers to do the same.

I was tagged by the wonderful @novemberhush. Thank you, omg, because I love rambling about writing and this is the best kind of opportunity to do so, handed on a silver platter, ahh. 😊

-

Author Name: Square / Squares / SquaresAreNotCircles

Fandoms You Write For: I’m a fandom hopper! In the past year or so it’s been Hawaii Five-0 (a truly ridiculous amount), Shadowhunters, Venom, Harry Potter, due South and Stargate Atlantis. Other fandoms I’ve written at least one fic for are Twilight, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Glee, BBC Merlin, BBC Atlantis, Teen Wolf, In The Flesh, Star Wars, Supernatural, the MCU and High School Musical. And uh, Alexander the Great/Voltaire fic (which would be... history fandom? RPF?) and one (1) Judas/Jesus Biblefic. If we’re getting really technical, also a tiny little bit of One Direction fic.

It should be noted that all of this is about fic that ended up getting posted somewhere on the interwebs - there are multiple Star Trek (TOS/AOS and DS9) fics lingering in my drafts (!! one day I will finish one of them), as well as some How To Train Your Dragon, The Good Place and Deadpool stuff, and definitely more I’ve forgotten.

Where You Post: Since I made the switch to writing in English everything has landed on ao3, but I used to write mostly in Dutch, so there’s still close to a million words, I think, under my name on quizlet.nl (not to be confused with quizlet.com, which is a very different website).

Most Popular One-Shot: That depends on how you’re measuring popularity! Going by kudos, it’s Tell me I’m perfect (but tell me the truth), a Magnus/Alec Shadowhunters fic. It’s the truth is a really old fic about Percy Weasley/Oliver Wood from Harry Potter that has the most hits out of all my works, and That time Steve kissed every single Avenger (and also Bucky), an MCU Steve/Bucky fic, has the greatest number of comment threads.

Also, since this is an h50 blog: for my fic in this fandom Wanted: partner (in crime) has the most kudos and hits; You had me at meow has the most comments.

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: I’m working on one for h50 (going slowly, so slowly), but I don’t have any posted to ao3. I used to write a lot of multi-chaptered work in my quizlet.nl days, and I think my most popular fic there was probably the second fic I ever wrote, when I was fourteen or fifteen, which was a next-gen Harry Potter fic with shifting and overlapping POVs from the three Potter kids. It was kind of, well, not great, but it’s probably what really cemented my writing habit, it’s still my longest fic ever (over a 100k!) and I got my first fandom friends out of it, including one I’m still in contact with to this day, even though neither of us writes much if anything for Harry Potter anymore.

Favourite Story You Wrote: Ohhh, that’s such an impossible question, especially because I’ve been churning out one-shots like I might actually be getting paid for it, so there’s so much to choose from, which is a thing I have difficulty doing at the best of times, holy shit. Uh, I once wrote a 70k Remus/Sirius (Harry Potter) modern college-ish AU in Dutch that I still like; weirdly, I think that Biblefic holds up (also Dutch), and the HSM fic is fun to reread once in a while because of the fourth wall break, as is That escalated quickly, a Percy/Oliver fic. Ooh, and the fic about Shuri and Stucky and a goat!

For h50, it’s even harder to choose, because my preferences change pretty much weekly (a combination of newer fic being shinier, looking back at fic from even just a few months ago and finding things I would have done differently now, and comments influencing the way I personally look at my own fic), but right now, I’d say I still really like the fic where Steve adopts some guinea pigs, the one with the slightly tipsy team bonding by talking about mutual crushes and this 9.11 coda fix fluff getting together thing.

Story You Were Nervous to Post: That Biblefic, haha, because it’s a very complicated topic and my aim was definitely not to offend. People were really sweet about it, though! Mostly, they were kind of shocked it wasn’t crack, but that’s fair, because so was I.

Also pretty much anything I post in a new fandom, really, and low key just... anything at all. I’m always a little scared I tagged something super badly or accidentally copy-pasted the wrong text or unknowingly wrote something super offensive or whatever, despite my double- and triplechecking of the posting form. (I’m also still kind of scared people on ao3 will randomly decide they hate my fic and my writing and me personally (ao3 is really big and very anonymous and coming from the small town that was quizlet.nl even in its heyday, that’s scary), but that fear has abated as I’ve posted more, just because the data is showing pretty conclusively that thought is as irrational as it sounds. Everyone is always so nice, gosh.)

How Do You Pick Your Titles: Mostly, I steal lines from random songs. I have a small pile of song lyrics to use as potential titles, because going on a seperate hunt for every new fic would take most of my waking hours. Sometimes, I’ll use a pun (like You had me at meow or Retail Therapy) or something else that I think sounds good, especially if the fic is mostly comedy and/or has a specific premise that would do well in a title (like Five times the Governor of Hawaii suspects his taskforce leaders are violating fraternization policies (and one time they tell him they are)).

Do You Outline: I’m mostly writing fic of (sometimes much) less than 5k at the moment, so not really. I do sometimes write tiny bits of a bunch of scenes and then fill in the rest around that, which is a kind of outline, in a way. For longer works, I usually make a one page bullet point list of things that need to happen and work from there, because I can’t do really extensive outlining or I’ll just get caught up in the details and lose all of the oversight a tool like that is supposed to give you, as well as most of my enthusiasm for the project.

How Many Of Your Stories Are Complete: Of the ones posted? On ao3, all of them, because unfinished posted one-shot works would require some strange bending of those concepts. On quizlet.nl, I do have some abandoned works, but I think 80% is finished.

In-Progress: SO MUCH. Seriously, just, so much, oh god. I’d really like to write another Stargate Atlantis fic (and I have 30% of one done), and something more for due South, too, and maybe a small Percy/Oliver thing again some time because they were my very first OTP and I kind of miss them, but mostly I have, like, 100+ half written things for h50. I really wish that number was an exaggeration. There’s no way they’ll all get finished, but maybe... a third? Mayhaps?

That One Truly Long H50 Fic that I was already talking about way back in October last year is also eternally “in progress”. The thing is that it has about 25k now, after a year, and I think it needs... at least four times that. Probably. So either I’ll have to stick with this fandom and my slow progress for another three years to have a shot at getting it finished, or I’ll need to find a way to up the speed a little. Maybe I could try working on it for NaNo this November? That would be pretty awesome, but honestly, part of why it’s moving this slowly is because NaNo-style fast and messy writing for this scares me a little, because I might end up writing a lot, decide it’s not what I wanted for it, and become too intimidated to ever edit and/or rewrite the entire thing. But idk, I probably just need to get over my own fears, because I really do want to write Longer Fic again. Short stuff is fun and feels really productive and that’s great, but I miss the actual slow burn and build-up that only 50k+ words can give you.

Coming Soon: Hopefully a lot? For h50, that is. I have no idea what’s getting posted next, because I’m never entirely sure what’s going to be finished next and something really random might come jumping in, but at the moment I’m trying to direct most of my energies at a slightly longer fic I’ve been working on for months (not The Long Fic, a different one), a fic labeled “9.01 memory loss fic”, another one temporarly entitled “Perfect Kauai beach house vacation”, and maybe an ace!Steve fic I’ve been working on, if I ever manage to uh, actually finish that, instead of rewriting three sentences during every round of editing and never actually adding anything to fill in the gaps it still has. There will also be more season 10 codas, in all likelihood.

Do You Accept Prompts: I’ve never done that before in the traditional way, but I’m thinking about it! I’d love to try (and it would be a breath of fresh air, in some ways!), but the main thing holding me back is that I have way too much on my plate with just my own ideas to work off of, and I don’t want to disappoint people. Maybe if I do drabble-ish prompt fills? It’s definitely been on my mind.

Upcoming Story You’re the Most Excited For: I’m excited for a lot of stuff, but honestly, the top spot right now probably goes to the ace!Steve fic. I’m not even sure it’s that good, necessarily, but it’s, idk, really cathartic, I suppose. Seriously self-indulgent in strange but very good ways. I really like writing it. (Second spot goes to the beach vacation fic, because I haven’t actually written that much for it, but it’s been my go-to easy happy place for the last few weeks.)

-

I’m tagging @love2hulksmash @thekristen999 @stephmcx @girlonastring @flowerfan2 and @pterawaters, which is six people because I can’t count, but I’m about to make it seven because I’m also tagging you, the person reading this (hi there!). Say I tagged you and tag me so I can read it! I know that kind of thing can feel awkward, but it won’t be, because I’m cheering you on. Go for it, if you want to do it. :D

#tagged in #writing #* #question: [requires maybe two words to be answered] #me: [writes two lengty paragraphs] #i guess that also tells you something about what kind of writer i am

[prompt-master]

What Asshole Invented Allergies?

@cup-of-blue: Random fic prompt idea thing cuz the allergies are striking at half past 10 in the evening: Michael is having the allergies and doing the suffering, and he’s chill with it, it’s just an annoyance. Until he runs out of tissues and freaks out cuz he can barely breathe now cuz too much snot help

@orderly-opaline: Ok, I know this is dumb but think about it. As a follow up to the fic where Michael has hayfever, what if Michael went to school and was ACTUALLY CRYING. Jeremy just assumed that he had allergies so he went on like normal. And Michaels just like, wait does he not see that im crying?? Does he not care about me??? I know its dumb but like, IDK man I just like the idea?

Not dumb at all lovely! Hope you two don’t mind i combined your fics! Let’s mcfucking torture some kiddos

Michael woke up that morning already knowing he was in for a miserable day. His alarm felt louder than usual, each ring banging down doors against his sensitive ears. When Michael turned it off and went to take a deep breath he found that one of his nostrils was blocked and he could barely breath through the other. Great, nothing like being a mouth breather. Michael had a pretty bad case of hayfever last Friday and figured the weekend would be plenty of time to rest. But judging by the itching on his nose had to stop to scratch every five seconds and the dripping of his nose he had to keep inhaling he’d say he might be even worse off. Fuck spring, honestly.

Michael was so miserable in fact that he didn’t have time to take allergy medicine seeing as how he slugishly moved around the house. That’s how he ended up shoving a bunch of tissue packets into his pockets and driving to school. In the parking lot Michael had to stop to blow agressivly into a tissue, groaning at how it didn’t clear his sinuses at all. He leaned back against the headrest of his car and stared into the mirror. He looked like shit. His hair was all down from a lack of gel, he ran his fingers through the locks only to have them flop back down. His nose was bright red, he stopped to scratch at it again and miserably sniffle. Briefly he looked away from his exhausted and miserable expression to glance up at the school entrance. Students were starting to pile in and talk to each other, and Michael wasn’t so sure he wanted to be seen. He felt a tickle of his nose and mentally groaned, he already knew what was happening before he began to take in two shaky breaths.

“Ah..ah, achuu! Ah….achuu!! Ugnh…” Michael groaned and furiously wiped the back of his sleeve against his nose, getting out of the car as he saw Jeremy’s bus pull in.

Jeremy walked down as Michael locked his car, and almost instantly spotted the red hoodie. When Michael turned the tall ass was looking down at him with that cute nervous lopsided smile. “Hey Michael- woah dude you look like shit”

Michael sighed, his back slouching more than usual. He let out a long exaggerated sniff in a last attempt to breath normally, “wow, thanks.”

Jeremy laughed and patted Michael’s shoulder. His hand seemed to hesitate. It was a small subtle detail, but both of them noticed. Jeremy instantly felt compelled to say ‘no homo’. But instead he said, “so what’s wrong?”

“Still allergies.”

“Still? Spring is not your season, Michael Mell”

“Yeah no shit- ah…achuu!” Michael buried his face into his sleeve, stumbling towards the entrance.

Jeremy held the door open for him, neither of them mentioned how it was usually the other way around, “bless you”

Michael sniffled, pulling out a tissue and blowing his nose, he cringed at how stuffy his voice sounded “thanks..”

First period Michael realized just how ineffective blowing his nose was when he was this badly stuffed. His breathing was loud and obnoxious, each inhale rattling as his nose struggled to make room for air to actually pass through. He felt himself blush as people turned to stare at him, the room was quiet and all you could hear was Michael breathing and sneezing. It was even worse when a test was passed out. He sniffled over and over again, his irritated nose kept dripping and every time he blew it loudly over the trash can it felt like he had an endless supply of snot. To make matters worse whenever he got up to blow his nose it felt like a giant spot like was on his, showing every annoyed teen in the room who to be mad at. It was an endless cycle of sneezing misery. Whenever he’d sit down after blowing his nose he’d have all of a minute before he couldn’t breath quietly again.

And Rich, oh god Rich. Rich had the lovely honor of being Michael’s only friend in the class. He decided to sit next to him because, you know that’s what friends do. And for the first time since they’d become friends he was starting to regret it. Rich liked to think that he was a fairly patient person, but that was a load of shit and right now Michael’s constant sniffling was really testing him. He tried to focus on a question about Israel, but Michael let out an especially loud sniffle, followed by a miserable grunt. Rich slammed his pencil down in annoyance and glared to his side, but his expression instantly softened when he saw the state Michael was in.

Michael lifted his head at the sound, albeit a bit delayed, and his teary red eyes stared at Rich. Instead of talking he gave a sniffle and a raised eyebrow. Rich frowned, his eyes glanced around the room for a moment before deeming it safe. He wrote a little note down on the edge of his test then kicked Michael from under his desk.

'U good?’

Michael sighed through his mouth, mostly because he couldn’t through his nose. He gave Rich a small nod, pushing his glasses up and going back to his test.

It didn’t go unnoticed how Rich mumbled “yeah well you look like shit” under his breath.

Michael had never felt more embarrassed in his life. Every class he disrupted and annoyed people. During third period he was told to walk in the fucking hallway. At one point he had sneezed so badly that snot shot right out in the middle of talking to a lab partner. He had to cover his nose for a tissue but she was clearly grossed out. He liked to think he wasn’t much of an annoyed guy, that he could handle these situations well. But he felt so miserably and all the sniffling hurt his head and his nose was itching and man he just wanted a nap. He reached into his pocket, and oh no. Only one tissue left. Fuck his life, seriously.

He made his way to the usual lunch table all too grateful when he saw Jeremy wasn’t there. He sat down, mentally willing the squad to not show up. But low and behold, that only worked on Jeremy.

Rich slammed his backpack down next to Michael and scanned his face. Michael grew uncomfortable under his intense gaze, and curled up under it. He tried to ignore it, but Rich was relentless, as if he planned to stare until Michael said hi.

And then Michael sneezed, three times. He groaned and used up his last tissues, knowing fully well he was fucked now. He could probably ask a teacher for some but let’s be honest he’d rather die then have unneeded social interaction.

“You look even shitter than earlier.” Rich so elegantly pointed out.

Michael turned to face Rich, giving him a grunt as a reply. He scratched at his nose yet again, “allergies”

“Dude. Go to the fucking nurse. Christ.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re a fucking mess.”

“Who’s a mess bro?” Jake’s voice came from behind Rich, “if you’re talking about Stephanie then I agree, did you see what she twee-”

Jake stopped when looked over Rich to see Michael. Michael hated the instant look of concern that Jake, it almost made him wish he sat at a different table.

“Hey, Michael, bro, you alright? You look kinda-”

“It’s just allergies. Seriously guys can’t I just- achuu! Can’t I just chill out and eat my lunch?”

Rich propped his head up on his elbow, still watching over Michael, “Not if you get snot all over the table.”

“Oh my gosh Michael! Your face is so red and so are your eyes! Are you ok?” It was a lot harder for Michael to be annoyed when Christine came over, her face instantly became worried. She searched through her purse on hopes to have some zertec on her or something.

But still, all the worried faces on him were overwhelming and embarrassing.

Brooke and Chloe were walking over with their lunch trays. At first it seemed like they wouldn’t notice until Chloe made eye contact with him, cutting Brooke off mid-sentence.

“Woah. What bus ran you over?”

“Michael! You look so sick maybe you should go to the nurse…” Brooke pouted her bottom lip out, something she only did in worry.

“Guys seriously I’m- achuu! Achuu!!” Michael rubbed his nose off on his sleeve, groaning as his nose felt blocked enough to be painful.

There was a chorus of bless yous, and Christine’s hand rubbed his back soothingly. Michael sighed and lowered his head, face burning in embarrassment at all the sudden attention. He sniffled again.

“You should blow your nose, Mikey.” Brooke’s gentle voice spoke up, her hand touching his gentle.

He just shook his head, he hated the way his ears seemed to echo strangely at noise. Maybe not echo…maybe throb is the right word? Like a throb of fuzz that pounded against his ear at noise, obnoxious and nearly indescribable. His skin felt as though it were crawling and he felt everything from Brooke’s hand to her ring to the loose string inside his hoodie. Michael sighed and leaned his head down on the table.

“Just leave me here to die.”

They all exchanged worried looks, and Michael couldn’t ignore the more subtle hovering they did over the remainder of lunch.

Later on it was the end of the day and Michael had never regretted skipping out on his medicine more. He thought he was going to die. He was supposed to meet up with Jeremy at his locker but all he could think about was how there was too much going on at once and how fucking miserable he felt. He had no more tissues so his nose kept dripping grossly and he had no choice but to rub it off on his sleeve and breath through his mouth. That alone sent his mind into a uncomfortable spiral. It bothered him every time he went to naturally breath only to find he couldn’t, he hated the restraint. He could hear the students buzzing in the halls and every bump of his shoulder. Hell, he could feel when someone just came close to him. It was all too much against the fuzzy pounding and the itching and the headache and the sore stomach and just everything. He felt lost in the hallway, like he was going down a mile long hell chain. When he felt the tears running down his face from something other than allergies he knew that he needed Jeremy, and he needed him now.

Jeremy shut his locker and looked up when he heard a weak sniffle next to him. He frowned when he saw tears running down Michael’s face, Rich wasn’t kidding he did look worse. There was snot dripping down his face that he was too miserable to even feel or be annoyed. Jeremy got off of his knee and stood up tall, his backpack slung over his shoulder as he took in Michael’s shaking form.

“God Michael, we should get you home. Gimmie your keys, I’ll drive.”

He put a hand on Michael’s back breifly, not noticing the subtle flinch, and guided him to his car. Michael balled fists into his eyes and tried to stop the wave of tears, he felt so uncomfortable in his own skin and just wanted to sleep for a year and wake up healthy. But now his mind was on another thing. Did Jeremy not see him crying? No he was looking right at him. He didn’t ask if he was ok though. Does…does he not care anymore? Maybe the SQUIP is blocking Michael’s tears from his vision. Or maybe he just didn’t care anymore. Michael felt even more overwhelmed, more tears falling down into his sweatshirt sleeve.

It wasn’t until Jeremy was all set up to drive that he noticed something else was wrong. Usually Michael would recline his chair as much as possible and try to sleep for the 15 minuetes they had to drive. But Michael sat there curled up with his face in his sleeve, only moving to wipe furiously. His shoulders were shaking and it filled Jeremy with this…urge to protect and comfort. God, poor Michael. And those tears wouldn’t stop. Was Michael actually crying? Jeremy frowned and turned the A.C. up, knowing having cold air on his face helped Michael calm down. The boy lifted his head up at the gust of wind, sniffled, and just silently stood facing it with tears rolling down his chin evenly.

“Michael…?” Jeremy finally dared to ask, “What’s wrong..?”

Michael let out a shaky exhale, adjusting the fan to hit him more directly, “I just…feel so awful, Jeremy…” the broken tone in his voice broke Jeremy’s heart too.

Jeremy turned the key into the ignition, “I know pal. But me and you are gonna hang out at your house and we’re gonna eat a shit ton and you’re gonna feel so much better, that sound good?”

Michael nodded, his face going red to his ears when he asked, “can I have sick cuddles too?”

“You can have sick cuddles too.”

Michael finally relaxed and reclined into his chair, relishing the steady feeling of the car as he shut his burning eyes. He picked his dry lips, feeling Jeremy start to back out of the parking lot. Jeremy tried to give Michael his space, especially now that he was starting to actually relax, but he couldn’t help but focus on the way Michael still heavily took breathes through his mouth.

“Michael?”

“Mm..?”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah…I guess.”

“Why are you breathing like that?”

Michael sniffled and tried to test the waters, but nope, still can’t breath, “my nose is so blocked dude…”

“Oh geez… I think I shoved like Wendy’s napkins in your glovebox.”

Michael reached for the pile of napkins, they’d rub harshly against his nose but god he needed to breathe. “You’re a mcfucking life saver”

After about 5 harsh noseblows, his nose giving a strange crinkingly feeling as it slowly opened up, Michael found for the first in he was able to fall asleep in less than the 15 minutes.

#be more chill #bmc #boyf riends #fanfic #is this bad?? lol idk man. #i tried.... #i tried my best? #👍🏾

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 13 - “The Last Check Mark I Need” - NICOLE

IDK WHATS GOING ON. But I don't trust Jared and nicole or Johnny. I think im going I don't wanna wrongly play. But them.not knowing the vote count is sketchy

This entire past tribal went horrible - Vilma went home and she was a huge ally who was very involved in my game, but I found out a few things of her not trusting me so BITCH BYE (jk ilysm) - Regan exploited our alliance that we had between me, her, Augusto, which was SO pointless on top of ALL OF THE REASONS where regan pissed me off today, but honestly, I don't feel the need to go into it again bc just lol at this point she's honestly fucking insane (sorry ily but you're fucking nuts) - Nicole just failed to understand why I voted for her, and I feel so bad about things, especially considering we hungout irl a few days ago, and I told her I wouldn't vote for her.. I also feel bad that Jared has turned into a lowkey sociopath this game and nicole is getting wreckt for it - This BAD PUBLICITY over this reward challenge when people dont want me going to ghost so they can kill me instead - Dan is PISSED at me for all of these chats getting exploited, being left out of the nicole vote and just the consistent lying to him. Jared played so many FUCKING games today that threw him, Dan and I under the bus, and it was just nuts, and he blew up both of our games in a way that wasn't necessary..... and there were just other ways to plan it out What I WILL say is that I'm turning Asya into like.... one of my closest allies bc I think she's fucking awesome, and I think we're in the same boat, and if it's up to me, I don't want her going anywhere.. I'm plenty okay voting out anyone who isnt augusto asya roxy at this point..... everyone else can probably burn? I'll see how long I can keep Jared around. Eventually, enough is enough and I may just have to throw in the towel and vote for Jared, but I'm going to try to not think about that bc my intentions are to still stay pure to Jared so GOSH lord help my soul

https://youtu.be/12RpRL81wjc

Lots to explain, let’s start off with the most obviously trivial. Regan talks about herself...a lot. Like, a lot. Regan is most definitely the most self centered person I’ve ever met. She knows it so like, it’s not mean that I’m stating it. But anyway every day in the tribe chat she goes on for sooooo long about herself and so I made a fun little game where when she sends a rant about her life I say “Merry Christmas Everyone”. It started on Christmas, so it wasn’t that funny BUT every day since it’s gotten progressively funnier and funnier. Ricky and Alex chimed in a few times and then I got Johnny in on it. It’s becoming such a moment every time it happens and the farther away from Christmas we get, the more ridiculous Regans responses get to it. Now, back to business. Last night I almost got voted out. I am BEYOND thankful that when I went to Ghost Island I was able to get the Sapphire Idol and will it to Jared during the second or third round. We have been trying to hold on it for so long in order to use it correctly to save both of us and tonight was the PERFECT oppurtunity. We not only did THAT but we flushed two idols since Regan used hers for no reason and Vilma left with hers. (I feel so bad I wish she would have used it and rocked out Johnny). Today I’ve made substantial progress with Asya and Dan but I really don’t think it’s enough. Which makes me nervous. I feel like going going home these next two rounds is going to be so sad for me. I have the fucking legacy advantage and having to give it away before I even can use it would kill me. Regan better calm herself with her agenda to get me out because if she doesn’t fucking relax I will 100% get her out with the legacy advantage just for fun. Finding a fourth to vote with us is going to be actually terrible. I’m hoping I can be immune so that the tables are forced to turn. I really don’t want to go. Maybe Jared will find something at ghost island to shake things up. I feel like crap about this game because Asya has painted a picture of how I COULD win. But that makes me feel like nobody will let me get that far. I just want to win so badly this is like the last check mark I need in order to feel successful in this community (as cheesy as it sounds).

So I’m really boo boo the damn fool huh. Vilma leaving last night was literally heart wrenching. After hosting her in Cayman Islands, she was probably one of the most deserving of the unfinished business casting. She’s an amazing person, friend, and ally. I really am gonna miss her a lot in this game. As it stands rn, everyone is being shady. Especially Johnny, but honestly, we been knew. Regan leaving the chat is fucking annoying. She’s unwilling to vote anyone but Nicole. I promised Nicole I wouldn’t write her name down this game, And I intend to make that happen. I wish there was a way that me and Nicole could lowkey get the votes split 3-3-1 on us this week to force a rock pull, but there’s literally no way. When I think about it, splitting up Nicole and Jared is smart, however, in my opinion the wrong person is on Ghost Island rn. I’d much rather vote out Jared than Nicole and that’s just that on that. I may honestly just throw a vote or self vote this round bc I literally can’t bring myself to vote out Nicole. If Nicole wins immunity, I am a little worried for my ass soooooo. Idk what’s best rn.

https://youtu.be/OSPsCvp7lmM

https://youtu.be/dLh35zpslXU

OKAY LISTEN..... I'm proud of myself bc I've gotten to that point of ORGs where I feel I'm done doing 800 long ass confessionals every round, but nonetheless, I've gotta do one each round, and I'm trying to make it good, so here's the content from my host chat about why im considering what im considering today: I am hoping that the Regan/Nicole thing continues until right before the vote, and this round is going to be everyone depending on my vote because I'm the swing, and I'm hoping people are going to be patient with what my decision is, because I'm likely not going to make it until right before tribal...... jk im voting for regan, but they dont need to know that ;) i know by voting out regan, im making it harder for myself to get to the end, but I'm REALLY trying to surround myself with threats so I can get to the end. I was the first person this season to make an "out there" game move, by playing my idol and taking out Ricky, and since them, i am trying my damnedest to just hold back my threat level, so people just let me go further and further. I don't have MANY options beyond that at this point Oop apparently regan is voting for me.. that's a mood Now here's me ranting about taking out Dan vs Regan: Regan is more easily controlled, and she has been working closer to me this entire game.. She is a goat and likely won't win at the end, but she's a very likely candidate to get to the end at this point just because she's such a goat Dan, on the other hand, has been a strong ally, but he voted for me once, and has been wishy washy with his allegiances since he voted for me the first time (when I used my idol), and promised us so many things, but Dan has pretty good relationships and is unpredictable, but he's sworn up down left and right that he wants finals with Augusto and I. The BIG reason for keeping Dan is that Roxy and Augusto, who are probably two of my top three closest, and most trusted allies, are going to be more reliant on me next round for numbers, and even more when it gets closer to the finals, they may feel more compelled to take me to the end because there are too many big threats left in the game but if i vote for regan then i might be jeopardizing my specific spot in the game, and I'd have the potential of my allies turning on me

(A LITTLE LATER)

So I guess here's an ACTUAL confessional since I haven't really planned on making anything else, but I feel bad Regan fucked my entire game up because she thought she was being cute after last tribal. Everyone was on a call during that reward challenge (not getting into it... literally fuck the hosts bc that changed the entire game, moving on), and they were all spilling shit because Nicole got mad that four people voted for her, and then Nicole and Dan both started making this game feel really personal, and honestly, it just felt icky to me that they were bringing it to a personal level when it was a game move. I understand what Nicole is going through bc (T B H Jared) Jared is a sociopath in games, and he really just doesn't have a chill switch sometimes, especially when dealing with nicole, so like..... idk, people started feeling bad for nicole bc jared YELLED at nicole after tribal on that call apparently, and ig it had to do with me, and more of an exposing me party YAY, but idk.. so I feel bad for her too I deem literally everyone in this cast currently a close friend, so this is never ever going to be an easy decision from here on out. Every decision is going to be painful. My entire plan for the day was to pretend to be indecisive about how I wanted to vote, when in reality all day, my intentions were to vote for Regan, however, things have changed sadly............... I'm voting for Dan tonight, and I don't see myself changing my mind before tribal for many of many reasons. I mostly just feel that if Dan stays, I could POTENTIALLY not have numbers next round since Dan is consistently playing double agent, and jared nicole and asya could come together and vote out either roxy or augusto, and then i'd be fucked, especially considering those are probably the two people im trying to get to the end with (without screwing over jared and losing his jury vote uwu) Also, the biggest reason I've gotta do this is to just not upset the people who've been the best to me since we've merged. Augusto and Roxy have been nothing but helpful to my game, and Dan was the FIRST of my allies to turn on me, and that still hasn't been sitting well with me since it's happened. I'm moreso doing this for my allies than anyone else, and knowing that Roxy, Augusto, Regan and I are likely not going to break until we get to the end ish? (But also Asya queen is getting to the finals if it's the last thing I do. Regan can LEAVE before Asya does, but that's besides the point hmmmmmm) My other big fear with voting out dan is that im voting out such a meat shield.. going into the f5 with any combination of asya augusto roxy regan puts me in a lot of trouble to get 5th or 4th, and I'm foreseeing a world now where I get 5th or 4th because those are the people I chose to go down the stretch with, but we'll see... I think I can maybe have a few tricks up my sleeves to attempt to get me there? oops?

IDK THE TEA IS THAT im voting johnny with nicole and dan and idk if i can pull this off

Nicole and I decided this plan to get it to be 3-2-2 and I’m so nervous it’s gonna fall through. I’m shaking in hangout rn omfg this is so stressful

#itsgametimekids

[tayegi]

Hii u lovely creature. First i just wanted to say i love ur work, this last chapter was...quite shocking since well how Jk was talking and reacting towards the OC. Im really not good with theories really and specially if i gotta write them down in english but i was thinking since u said this would have 3 parts that maybe...just maybe was like one part of each of the characters? Like one were we view in detail the feelings of the OC, then JK and the Jimin? Maybe? Idk sorry. Anyway love ur work :)

Anonymous said:Thank you for being able to find the time to write equilibrium, and thank you for being able to find the time to update it as well- and come on tumblr at all tbh. I know it must not seem like it but most of us really really appreciate it. Please don’t feel rushed to update and take as much time as you need. Thank you again for your work.

Anonymous said:hey! thank you SO much for continuing equilibrium. I’m really enjoying the plot and character development. its very interesting and you do a rly good job at weaving all the layers of meaning together. you’re one of my favorite writers 💗 hope ur having a great day!

Anonymous said:(3) I wonder what is it that jimin saw on jungkook as well, I don’t think that just good looks and the fact that he is good at a lot of things are enough to fall in love or accept being in that kind of relationship ¿ or maybe yes or I’m missing something. Anyways I absolutely adore this fic!! I love your detailed descriptions and how you put important little things and hints and how you think of every single word!! Really thank you for sharing it with us! You have created a huge masterpiece.

Anonymous said:(2)The days when jimin went away must have been the best days of his life, and I wonder now with Jungkook away how the dynamics between jimin and the oc would be, especially her. It would be really wow and not wow at the same time if she turned like kook. I doubt because she knows she doesn’t have a “connection” with jimin, and is more than aware that he wants jungkook. But maybe things will change like they did with him.

minsuguk said:(1) It surprises me how the oc feels about jimin, accepting jungkook’s possesiveness and mad terms in order to keep him in that crazy relationship which is the only way she can have a just little bit of jimin. But again, I’m not surprised because it’s kind of what Jungkook felt ¿ I mean he saw something in her, and she saw something in jimin. And jungkook was aware of her and jimins feelings and he proposed being together in order to be with her as well.

Anonymous said:I want to feel bad for all of them, but I feel bad for none of them. That’s a lie I feel slightly bad for o/c but shes doing it to herself because she wants to keep this tiny connection to Jimin and that’s the start of her problem! All in all this is gonna end badly. I knew that necklace was gonna come back and bit her in the ass.

Anonymous said:(part 2) You know how Jungkook is all fucking crazy in denial about having a connection with her could she be in the same denial except (but not crazy) I mean Jimin had to have noticed the reader was always with him in the beginning now they don’t even touch each other its all so fucked up because you cant feel bad for anyone at this point (I am scared for the reader though because how far will jungkook go if she let jimin touch her)

Anonymous said:Jimin CAN’T be oblivious to this whole situation if he was able to hear his name being called when Jungkook was fingering the mc he had to have heard something else. Could he be ignoring this situation to make sure he is able to stay with jk the same way jk and mc are using each other for the same thing? bc if it was obvious that jimin was in love with jk before anything happened did he have to “get through” 1 on 1 with the mc like she did with jungkook (part 1)

Anonymous said:oh dude the relationship in equilibrium is on the verge of becoming a huge trainwreck but i can’t stop reading it cos i want to see how big of a trainwreck it will become. can’t wait til we get to the point where the relationship just swerves off the track and just goes kablooey! rip.

Anonymous said:oh my gosh I absolutely adored reading the new chapter of equilibrium! I’m so amazed that you find the time out of your busy day to write so much! thank you so so much for the new chapter. i’m really curious to see how this story line will progress, and I do wonder what will happen with jimin and y/n over that weekend… hmm anyways thank you again!! this is my first time writing to you aha I’m so nervous and also !! I love you please take care of yourself

Anonymous said:I HATE YOU SM I’m kidding I love you lu 💕💕 I can already feel the angst approaching aghhssh I’m going to die

Anonymous said:The new update has me a bit fearful of jungkook. He seems to be a little bit to possessive-at least to me anyways. I wonder if jimin has noticed the change in jungkook as well? When he said that the oc was the only one who understood him it reminded me of the conversation they had in ch4 about his family not approving of his major. When i read that scene the first time, i kinda got the sense that that was why jungkook liked the oc.

Anonymous said:Shook again from Equilibrium updates @.@ Thanks as always!!

Anonymous said:omggggggg equilibriummmm the tension just keeps building and building up I AM SO READY FOR THE SHIT TO HIT THE FAN

Anonymous said:It’s really interesting because there are elements that show a legitimate fear the OC has when it comes to Jungkook. I can’t wait to see more (well I can obv and I will NO PRESSURE FJDKSKSKS but you know what I mean~). Also thank you for updating so often like. I have barely any work & a shit ton of free time and I still just can’t write so you’re??? Like how??? Thank u sm. 💕

Anonymous said:First of all - thank you for updating. You could throw a sentence of Equilibrium in my way once a year and I’d still cry of happiness. And second - I love this story so much you don’t even know. Their relationship has taken such a sharp turn suddenly and Jungkook’s motives are clearer and clearer while the MC still seems to be sort of oblivious? Ah I have so many speculations but there’s not enough characters in asks haha. Anyways it was amazing once again, thank you!

yaja-time said:Equilibrium is too my favorite writings of your.. probably one of my favorites out of all the fics I’ve ever read. But I love it so much I would wait 10 years for you to update. Shit I’d even be happy if you updated with only using 10 words. I understand you have a life and I for one am very grateful for your writings, because they are amazing. So thank you for writing.

Anonymous said:Poor Equilibrium OC :( Sadly this scenario hits close to home with her and Jungkook. But good job as always Lu! I appreciate the work you do, have me on the edge of my seat!

bluefullmetaltitan said:Lol. I’ve been waiting for you to say that!! Yayayay! I support you 100% cause like, it shouldn’t matter how long it takes. I’m in love with all of your writings!! Thank you!!

Anonymous said:bruh, equilibrium tho. i loves it like i loves you. but for real, its amazing and incredible reading smaller details from earlier chapters come back into play and seeing how everything slowly links together (how you have the willpower to write so much is incredible)

Anonymous said:I loved equilibrium babe it's so good keep up the amazing writing I loved the last chapter it's a very good storyline 👍🏼👍🏼 and please In the equilibrium let her end Up with jimin and more jimin smut please 😂😂 seriously loved it 💋💋

Anonymous said:When I first started reading equilibrium I thought it was about the three of them learning how to function in a polyamorous relationship. But in the first 4 chapters, you revealed the MC's feelings towards Jimin, & then showcased Jungkook and MC alone. Then, when Jungkook got possessive, & you wrote Jimin's and MC's back story, I was like, "she's not seriously trying to romanticize this relationship, is she?" BUT YOU'RE NOT, YOU'RE SHOWCASING LEGIT PROBLEMS IN A REALISTIC STORY. I AM HERE FOR IT

Anonymous said:Im living for Equilibrium rn🔥🔥🔥🔥, your such a good writer. Loving all your works 💖💖

Anonymous said:why do I feel like jungkook semi poisoned jimin so he couldn't go 😫equilibrium is so good rlly got me questioning everything lol

Anonymous said:Hello tayegi, i just want to say, you're the first writer I read in this bts fandom and im so thankful for that. And im so pumped for equilibrium jajajajajaAaaaa 🙏

Anonymous said:I have to be honest I was all for jungkooks protectiveness in early chapters cause I thought it was hella cute but after reading equilibrium chp 11... Im not too sure anymore. Like he actually made me kinda scared and trapped especially during the end (guess that's how good you're writing is). On a positive note, loving this series and I hope all three characters get backlashes for this messed up relationship lmao

Anonymous said:I don't get how anyone can complain about ch11 being "only 3k" like there was so much that happened in that chapter it didn't even feel like it was "short." I'm even amazed you can write such great quality stories despite being a phd student (do these children know what that is???) AND it's like midterm season rn like the quality doesn't drop despite this. And honestly I feel like these chapters have been getting updated pretty frequently these days I feel really spoiled haha

Anonymous said:EQUILIBRIUM IS SOME OF THE BEST WORK I'VE EVER SEEN ON HERE!!! LIKE I WAS AT SCHOOL TODAY AND I READ EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER AND I WAS SO OVERCOME BY WHAT WAS HAPPENING. AND WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT JUNGKOOK WANTED THE READER TO HIMSELF I GOT SO SHOOK!!!! LIKE I KINDA KNEW SOMEHOW THAT HE WANTED HER ALL TO HIMSELF. HE JUST WASN'T GONNA LET JIMIN HAVE HER ANYMORE HUH? BUT I'M SO EXCITED FOR WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!! *sorry for yelling i was too excited for this series ily~*

Anonymous said:Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?! There was an Equilibrium update?! *runs to open tab so that it's the first thing I see after class* Bruh, I can't wait to dive in. Thanks for being a thug about all of those comments. Best part about creating works of art/expressing creativity is that you get to make people think, invite them to have an opinion and start conversations. If anything, Equilibrium provokes its readers to have a clear opinion. That's a success in my book. ;) Fighting always! - Happy Reader

yonggukssmolgf said:I love you. I love your blog. I love your writing. I love the equilibrium series. And I just love how you just take your time to update. Like you do things at you own pace and I like that about you. I followed you because you're an amazing person, you love your followers, and you never disappoint with your fics. Thanks for existing and I hope I made your day a little bit happier!🐼😙😀

Anonymous said:Excuse me young lady... yeah I'm talking to you Lu...Yupp.... you're being mad disrespectful, how dare ruin my nights peaceful sleep but updating equilibrium like that... do you not want me to graduate... it's senior year and I'm head deep into my writing... yeah thanks a lot for ruining my life... JK I LOVE YOU 💕

Anonymous said:I just read chapter 11 of Equilibrium and it made me want to CRY! I love the story so far and it's written amazingly well but it's tOYING WITH MY EMOTIONS! I'm super excited for the updates 💙💙💙💙

seokjinniemin said:oml I just finished chapter 11 of Equilibrium and boy howdy am I SHOOK. Equilibrium is by far one of my favorite fanfic series I've ever read! You're such an amazing writer, they way you convey the stress and anxiety of the oc is just phenomenal. And the small details you put into it like damn! I'm so anxious about this and how it's going to progress, especially with the oc and Jimin being alone. I feel like shit is going to hit the fan real soon o_o

Anonymous said:oh my god that new chapter of Equilibrium actually murdered me LMAO. i absolutely LOVE how every detail counts; like all the little small things that readers wouldn't think matter end up mattering the most. i love this series so much and ily Lu!!

Anonymous said:oh my god that new chapter of Equilibrium actually murdered me LMAO. i absolutely LOVE how every detail counts; like all the little small things that readers wouldn't think matter end up mattering the most. i love this series so much and ily Lu!!

Anonymous said:wtffff please ignore that anon i think you've been updating so quickly!! and i love the story sooo much it's so great no matter how lengthy it is. the content is what matters quality >>> quantity i really love it and know you work hard and appreciate it ❤❤

Anonymous said:Sometimes I think people are just plain dumb. Like, wtf, i am happy that you updated such an amazing story! You do not have the obligation to provide anything for us, you do it because you like it. People should be more grateful and learn to respect. Thank you for de update, you are straight up amazing

aichan11 said:I just read Equilibrium 11, it's so good! I sent you a message before, sorry if it was out of line. Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your writing :) of course I have my own wishes/hopes about how the 3 people in Equilibrium would turn out but I don't want to risk influencing your writing. I can't wait for the whole balance to just tip over and see what happens. Is that too evil of me? Hahaha

Anonymous said:The new chapter was intense! I wonder what Jeon is hiding.. I feel bad for both Jimin and OC. Poor jiminie doesn't know what that kid is doing, and OC is stuck cos of jjk. I love your work Lu, stay classy ❤️❤️

Anonymous said:ahhhhh!!! another amazing chapter babe!!! Love the dynamic,screwed up characters

#sugarmartu #lu answers #equilibrium #beautiful ppl