#he lets buck help him repair his bedroom wall and is just so easily open and vulnerable throughout that entire scene | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

madamewriterofwrongs · 3 years

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Hi CJ you're lovely. Today's been kind of a shit day. So I'm gonna prompt you if that's okay? Would you write some Eddie or Buck has a bad day and Chris + the one who didn't have a bad day is all about giving the comfort and the hugs and just being there? (rydergrace)

I’m sorry this took so long, and I’m so sorry you had a shitty day. I’m honored you would come to me and I sincerely hope this helps <3

For @rydergrace

He wished there was a reasonable explanation for why he felt the way he did. The sun was shining, he had a wonderful family, he loved his job, but try as he might: Eddie couldn’t muster the energy required to smile for more than a few minutes at a time.

Perhaps it had been the phone call from his parents last week wondering how Christopher was since they never saw him anymore. Perhaps it was getting the second notice from the bank that his credit card payments were late. Perhaps it was getting a knot in the line as he prepared to repel to the fifteenth story to save a victim (easily repaired, but he should have caught it sooner). Perhaps it was none of those things or some unholy combination that had him leaning against the steering wheel of his truck – an impulsive purchase that became a constant reminder of yet another one of his failings – unable to walk inside his own house.

Inside, there was his husband and his son who were both home from school and eager to hear all about his day. They would have dinner on the table and Christopher would ramble on about all the things he’d learned, while Buck would hide his smile when he had a related story to tell so as to not interrupt the boy.

Inside, the lights would be on, filling the world with a warm, orange glow that might have the power to chase the darkness from his mind. But what if it couldn’t? What if he couldn’t leave these feelings at the door until he could better deal with them in the safety of his bedroom? He never hid his feelings from either of them, never lied when things got hard, but he hated being a burden. He hated that he had so many emotions to sort through at the end of the day. He hated feeling that he would ruin the light by simple existing with the people he loved.

So, he held out on going inside for as long as possible. Let the sadness drift away quietly until it was something more easily contained and then he could face his family.

He spent so much time with his forehead pressed against the steering wheel, trying to push away the darkness, that he didn’t hear the front door open. Nor did he hear it close. He missed when it opened again and two figures approached the back of the truck and gently placed a few items in the bed. He only looked up when he heard a gentle rapping at his window.

Shame and adoration made him nauseous at seeing Buck and Christopher waving from outside. With every fibre of his being, Eddie loved those two, and that trumped anything he was feeling. He opened the door without a second thought, his smile barely reaching his cheeks let alone his eyes.

“Hey guys. What are you doing out here?” His voice crackled as though he hadn’t spoke in hours (and, upon reflection, he hadn’t) and it served as a reminder that two of the happiest people he knew were saddled with him for life.

In lieu of a direct answer, Buck outstretched his hand in offering and tilted his head towards the back of the truck. “Come on.”

Eddie took Buck’s hand in his and rose from his seat. It was a promise they’d made years ago, in front of their friends and family, through smiling tears. I will go wherever you lead.

Christopher smiled up at him and a small sliver of darkness evaporated. He’d always known that his son was his own personal miracle, but the wonders he was able to perform never ceased to amaze him. The firefighter placed a hand on the back of his son’s neck and absorbed the warmth and love against his skin. With one hand on his husband and one on his son, Eddie allowed himself to be lead away from his hiding spot (more shame swirled in his chest at his own admission).

In his dreams, the sadness evaporated when he reached the truck bed. In reality, his smile was lopsided as he held the tears at bay with sheer force of will.

“We made a picnic.” Christopher declared, already tossing his crutches against the side so he could pull himself up. He was growing stronger every day. The boy was stubborn like his father and hopeful like his Buck. He was resourceful and kind and imaginative and his whole damn world.

And he’d made a picnic for his dad.

Beside him, Buck squeezed his hand, drawing his eye away from his son and into the eyes of the man who was his moon; a gravity he couldn’t explain, brightening his night, forever a part of his life no matter how hard he’d tried to deny it.

He loved the moon.

Part of him expected Buck to question him: why hadn’t he come inside? What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he be happy?

“I love you.” The man whispered, and Eddie held tighter to keep from releasing his emotions in one fell swoop. Instead, he tugged Buck’s hand and the two of them climbed into the truck beside their son.

They had laid a blanket from behind the couch against the floor (though it did nothing to protect them from the uneven surface and cold steal), and placed one pillow for each head at the edge of the blanket. In the corner was a pizza box and three bottles of water and on any other night, Eddie might have scolded his boys for ordering out when they would all be home at a descent hour but tonight, he was simply grateful not to do the dishes. Thankfull, Eddie spotted Buck’s laptop before he nearly sat on it – it would have meant another purchase he couldn’t afford, and the darkness crept in just a little more.

Then Christopher climbed into his lap as he sat against the truck, and his vision narrowed to the four corners surrounding him. Buck pulled open his laptop, scooting in beside his family, opening their shared Netflix account. While his husband searched, Eddie found himself mesmerized by his son’s hair. With every day – despite the Texas and then California sun – it grew darker, but he was forever the golden child. His curls were as soft as the day he’d first run his fingers through them, and they still smelled liked home. The scent itself had changed over the years; first, it was the ‘new baby’ smell that everyone talked about, then honey and baby powder, then some grassy concoction his parents had used for gentle skin, then he smelled like Eddie because it was easier to buy one giant bottle of shampoo. Now, he smelled like homemade crafts and burnt toast and skinned knees and the springtime laughter whenever Buck pushed him on the swings.

A little of the darkness subsided.

He was pulled from his contemplation by the sound of the company’s logo flashing red as he realized the movie was starting.

“What did you pick?” He reached the hand not combing his son’s hair and grabbed the pizza box to place between them.

Instantly, Buck picked up his first slice. “Something good, don’t worry. We’ve seen it a million times.”

Well, that could be any number of movies. Both he and Buck had what they liked to call ‘comfort movies’ that they could recite by heart but still watched on a recursive loop whenever the mood struck. They were perfect for a night like this.

Soon enough, his mind wandered away again, this time drifting no where in particular. Instead of a long list of his failings, there was the ominous understanding in his chest that something was wrong – that he was missing something. For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out what it was but it clawed at the walls of his ribcage until he struggled to breathe.

He could feel Buck kiss the underside of his ear, a secret place he only touched when they were quietly in love. Eddie turned and saw the concern hiding inside the affection but still, his husband didn’t ask any questions. In truth, he didn’t want him to. He knew Buck had every right to ask but he had no answers. But Buck never asked so he never had to wander into the darkness. It crept up behind him instead.

They ate pizza that grew cool in the California night air. They ate long after it grew cold. They watched a movie they loved well and when that movie ended, they watched another one. When Christopher began to shiver, Buck produced a spare blanket and wrapped the trio inside it. When the pizza was gone, the urge to remain upright grew less. By the end of the second movie, all three were laying on the bed of the truck, pillows under heads, laptop propped on Eddie’s belly since he was in the middle.

He knew the instant Christopher nodded off, feeling the weight on his shoulder suddenly double as the boy curled into his side. Even if his arm weren’t trapped beneath the sleeping body, he wouldn’t have moved for anything. Buck seemed to notice as well, because he decreased the volume just enough that they could still hear it in the silence between them.

As the third movie began, Eddie let his head fall to the side, eyes more focused on the man beside him than anything on the screen. He loved this man; it had never been something he expected to happen but it was as true today as it was the day he looked at his best friend and realized he wanted to spend his life with him. And for some inexplicable reason, Buck loved him just as fiercely (of that, he had no doubt).

Nothing his mind could conjure would ever erase the love he held for the two people in his arms.

Perhaps he should have been embarrassed to be caught staring at his husband but the only thing that passed his lips was a whispered “thank you” as he craned his neck to kiss him without disturbing the boy who’d captured his right arm completely.

They didn’t sleep in the truck – despite Buck’s quiet protests that it would be fine. Instead, Eddie carried his son inside while his husband packed up their meager picnic. As he placed one final kiss on Christopher’s forehead, tucking him under the covers, he sent a silent thank you to whoever had granted him such a precious gift.

By the time he reached the bedroom, Buck was in their bathroom, so he changed into his pajamas and went about shutting the house for the night. Buck met him in the doorway, arm reaching for him the way it had outside the truck.

I will go wherever you lead.

Falling into Buck’s embrace was the easiest thing he’d ever done. Being surrounded by him was a safe haven he never knew existed and he treasured with his entire being. Buck was solid and warm (some nights he had to physical remove his husband from his side because he thought he might boil to death in his arms). The steady beating of his heart could be heard when he tucked into his neck and just breathed. It was all he could bring himself to do but it didn’t matter. Being held by Buck was so easy because he trusted him to never let go.

For a decade, Eddie stayed within the safety of his husband’s arms and with each passing moment, he felt the world loosen its grip on his shoulders. The darkness still lingered. It would never truly abate but Eddie was never left to face it alone. Even when he was a stubborn ass about expressing his emotions (as Lena had told him with a punch to the shoulder), he had ways of fending off the darkness.

He had the smell of honey and baby powder, he had the steady beating of his husband’s heart, and he had pizza in the back of the truck with the two people who meant the most to him.

Everything would be okay.

#cj writes things #rydergrace #love jamie #if you squint this is k teacher buck #i hope you don't mind

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blueangelicrose · 5 years

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A New Beginning: Chapter 9 (part 3): The Sister Arrives

While Josephine was packing up her stuff she couldn't help but still think about the charming stranger with the mysterious but intense green eyes. She hadn't felt this way for a VERY long time. The first time was when a few thousand years ago before she and her sister met the Cup brothers. But after the "incident" with her first love, she hadn't dared to try to get into a serious relationship with anyone else. In fact, all other suitors that came running for her attention and love all met with icy cold rejections while wearing a seemingly heart warming smile. Since then, her work associates all called her "The Queen of Broken Hearts." The name is quite mild and tame compared to the "other" nicknames that she had been given throughout the years. But it still seemed to equally tick her off, just like the other names did. The only thing that kept her anger in check were the sweet memories of her childhood and all those who comforted her when times were tough.

But through everything, she kept whatever joys that she had with them. Even if they weren't around her anymore. And though she was an angel and could easily find their souls in the afterlife, the one that she desperately wanted to find, wasn't where he should've been. She could only come to the conclusion that he was reincarnated into someone else. So whenever she had the time, she would endlessly search for his soul. It drove her almost to the point of madness. And even till today, she hasn't stopped looking for him. The feelings that she had for him were strong but for some reason, those feelings somewhat diminished? When she first met and talked with the stranger, she felt as though that she had all of her struggles and frustrations lifted off from her shoulders and aching heart. As she now continued to think about it, she kept wondering, "Why? Why does this ease my heart and soul?"

She pondered this for hours. Even during her discussion with the apartment landlady that she contacted through an add on a poster that she somehow managed to find in her guitar case. Her vision was coming back slowly but still couldn't see entirely. She at least could make out the blurry words and numbers on the poster to call up the landlady and discuss temporary living arrangements in her appartment building. The little old landlady said that she could stay as long as she paid her monthly rent on time. "Fifty bucks per month isn't bad at all. This old woman must be well off. Probably owns several other businesses on the side. Oh, well, so long as it doesn't give me trouble. Not only that, but she's really nice and easy to talk to, so I don't think that we'll have much trouble with each other." While she signed her lease for a temporary stay, (for who knows how long), she managed, along with the help and guidance from the landlady, to find the building and her appartment room. It was a decent sized place. It had a nice kitchen, dining room, living room, bathroom, and two bedrooms. One for the resident and the other for a guest or roommate. But what really attracted her was a large window that had one of those window ledge/comfy looking cabinet seat. Also, this window had a latch so that when you opened it far enough, it would lead you to the metal balcony/fire escape. Which was attached to all the other appartments. And in fear of intrusion, she asked the land lady if she had to worry about "uninvited guests" entering in and out of her appartment. The landlady reassured her that everyone in the appartment respected each other's privacy and would only use the fire escape for emergencies only.

When she said this, Josephine felt a certain aura emitting from her that said as clear as day, "Those idiots had enough experiences not to disobey my rules. So you can rest assured that NO ONE will be breaking an entering on my watch. That includes you as well." Josephine felt a little nervous around her but reluctantly agreed that she will also obey her rules to the T. Josephine loved and respected her elders and treated them with utter patience and kindness. And this "scary" landlady would be no different from all the others that she had treated with love and respect. The landlady asked when she would let the movers in through the front entrance. She also mentioned that the security guard in the lobby would need to know this so that he could let them in. Apparently, the building had it's own security employees stationed at the inside lobby entrance to keep things in order and to keep track who goes in and out of the building. It also had a LOT of security cameras and alarms as well as the classic "buzz in" doorbell that only classy appartments had. Clearly, this building had seen its fair share of "suspicious" activity around the neighborhood. And apparently this lady had enough money to secure a large building such as this one.

"Ummm, actually, I just moved to this island. So I don't have any furniture whatsoever. These things are all I have with me for now." The land lady scanned her up and down with a judging like look. All Josephine had was her guitar, her fold out chair, her money, her sunglasses, and of course, the clothes on her back. The land lady sighed and asked her how much money she had all together. Josephine replied, "About a hundred grand ma'am." The lady took another deep sigh and said, "Listen sweetheart, even with that much money, you still can't buy all the things you need." She dug around her purse for some long sheeted colored notepapers and a fountain pen that had dark blue ink. She wrote lists of various stores for which Josephine needed to get her supplies from. "Sweetie, here are the names of the stores and the people who run it. Tell them that Momma Maxina de Umbra told you to come here and get the required necessities you need to have in order to live here. Don't worry about the payment too much, those young ones owe me a favor that has been itching to get fulfilled." Josephine didn't know what to make of this situation. But took her landlady's advice very seriously. "Thank you so much Miss......?" "Mrs. Umbra dearie. But you may call me Miss Max." Josephine smiled a little and thanked her for the help. Miss Max asked her if she would like a ride to the places given her (temporary) disability. Josephine said that she was fine and was quite familiar by now what she was doing and where she was going. Miss Max had her concerns but she trusted her anyways. As Josephine walked away to go shopping, Miss Max yelled out to her, "Be sure to come back before midnight, you hear?! Or I'll send a police search for you!" Josephine complied with a slight nod of her head and when she walked away from ear shot, chuckled to herself. It has been a while since anyone has taken that much concern for her safety. It felt.........refreshing to hear such words.

Throughout the day, she went from store to store and did exactly as Miss Max told her too. The store managers and owners all cringed when she mentioned Miss Max's name and the mention of the "favor" that they owed her. Apparently she was well known throughout the small community by familial means. And, just like that, they complied and gave Josephine what she needed and told her that they would later on send it over to the apartment via company movers/delivery men. As she went to the last store, which was a popular grocery store, she told the owner that she would carry the ones she needed immediately by herself on her way back to her newfound home. As she walked out of the store, she noticed that it was already dark and that some of that blasted blinding powder was wearing off. She still couldn't see 100 percent, but at least she could more easily find her way home without too much trouble. As she walked down the street she came up on and quickly passed the alley way that was next to the apartment building. She was about to reach for the entrance door, when she heard muffled grunts and smelled the thick scent of blood and gunpowder. She was now on full alert. She didn't know what to expect. But it's not like this was the first time seeing what could possibly be an injured or dead individual. But it was always hard for her to swallow since Death was always a bitter and horrible pill. She braced herself for the worst and slightly peeked around the brick corner. There in her blurry vision, was a severely wounded man bleeding out from his chest. To her he seemed like one of those people that were living objects. Only this one had a white head, no neck, and had a purple colored suite on, (with the exception of the red blood that was pouring out of him).

"Oh my gosh! Sir! Are you ok?! What happened?!" He couldn't talk but with only rough muffled grunts and whenever he moved, it seemed like he was making the situation worse. She couldn't fully see his distinguishing features, but she could tell that he was in a lot of pain and could clearly see the nasty gash on his chest. She started to panic and started to gently lift his back towards the brick wall and got out one of her new fancy and thick looking royal purple bath towels from one of her bags, (which she earlier insisted that she would carry on her way home. Instead of it being delivered). "Here, hold this towel to your chest with whatever pressure you can use. I'll be right back with some help, just hold on!" But before she gave him the towel she put a healing blessing on it so that it can start to repair whatever heavy damage there was to his bloody chest. As she did this, she gave the towel to the man and applied some gentle pressure on his chest. Then left him for about a minute to get the security guard. But when she brought him to the scene where the injured man was; he was gone along with the towel. Leaving nothing but a bloody mess in the dark and gloomy alley way.

End of chapter 9 (part 3)

To be continued in chapter 9(part 4): the other side of what happened.

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