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semirahrose · 7 years

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In the past few days I've read posts claiming that Sam is a psychopath who turns his empathy on and off so easily that it's disturbing, that Sam never cries (lol what?), that Dean is more emotionally mature than Sam, that Sam is egotistical and only cares/thinks about himself, and that Sam demonstrates more toxic masculinity than any other character on the show... I've been in hell basically and I was hoping you could cheer me up by disputing these "claims" with cold hard canon facts.

I’m so sorry you’ve experienced that, Anon! I fear… you ventured into a truly dark corner of fandom. I have a fair few items on my blacklist to keep me away from that sort of “meta”, because honestly… it’s emotionally exhausting and endlessly frustrating running into such patent drivel.

I don’t know what these people were using to support their claims, so I can’t really refute them. Heck, I don’t know if they brought up solid points or were just angry and baseless. For many of the things you mentioned, I don’t even know where to start, because I can’t imagine what could have given anyone such an impression, but I’ll try to share some thoughts.

Sam is a psychopath without empathy? If anything, Sam’s empathy is always on. It’s always at max, and what these people might be seeing as “turning on and off” is likely Sam trying to redirect his attention elsewhere or deal with/compartmentalize his feelings. It could also just be a gross misinterpretation of introverted emotional expression. But also, let’s be real: the Winchester boys are soldiers. They’re fighting to keep people safe. They have to make choices that we can’t even fathom. A lot of times, these choices are not clear-cut and smelling of roses. Either way, someone will die. People will hurt. And these two, without the benefit of a hierarchy or large support group or court of law–in the heat of the moment–have to make decisions. People who find Sam “cold” or—God forbid, psychopathic? What the ever-living heck?—may simply not understand the magnitude of the decisions these boys must make.

Sam never cries? WHAT EVEN. What the hell even. First of all, crying is not the be-all-end-all of emotional expression. Some people cry regularly. Some people don’t cry for years at a time. And you know what? The former don’t feel things more strongly than the latter. People express grief and sadness and frustration differently. Some people feel numb. Some people get angry. Some people feel miserable but can’t cry. Some people drown it in drink. Some people blame themselves. Some people simply haven’t been taught that it’s okay to give vent to negative emotions, or grew up in an environment where expressing them was weakness and subject to mockery (*raises hand*) And… for the people who said that, may I kindly direct them to my crying Sam tag, because I have like seven pages of misty-eyed canon Sam for them to feast their eyes on. (Um. Geez. I swear there’s an explanation for the fact that I–that I have a tag for that. Uh.) ANYWAY. *clears throat* What even.

Sam is not as emotionally mature as Dean? I can’t even dignify that one with an answer. Well. Actually. I believe Sam is, in many ways, more emotionally mature than Dean. Where Dean resorts to blame-shifting, violence, anger, and denial when it comes to things he doesn’t like, Sam acknowledges his mistakes and is aware of his unhealthy coping mechanisms (…while still using them). THAT SAID, I don’t think I can state that Sam is more mature in general, because, well… Dean vents. He gets angry, he finds ways to release it, and he generally finds ways to settle into a sort of balance and keep going. On the other hand, Sam represses to the extent that it drives him to his breaking point. See Mystery Spot. See s4, where he was literally suicidal after Dean’s death. See any number of other times. At any point, I think Sam is a hairsbreadth away from breaking, and while there are a ton of things I love and respect about Sam, a lot of them are rooted in some really unhealthy habits. So… in many ways, Sam deals with things more maturely, understanding all angles. But he also truly just needs decades of hugs and therapy because wow.

Sam is an egotistical bastard? I would advise people who think Sam only cares about himself to watch Swan Song, then The Man Who Knew Too Much, and then Sacrifice, and then Nightmare, and then… the whole freaking show, actually. How Sam regularly puts the safety of others above his own welfare. How, even while grieving Jessica, in the beginning of the very first season, he threw himself bodily between two strangers and a Wendigo. How he was broken to pieces by his visions of death but unable to save the victims. How, later, Ruby’s perfectly calculated way to make him start drinking demon blood again was to imply that he might, by inaction, cause the deaths of innocents if he didn’t suck it up, drink the blood, and save the world. And Ruby knew Sam, played him masterfully. If anyone in the world knew how to get to Sam, she did. And she did so not by appealing to a desire for personal gain, but by implying that Sam’s desire to stop drinking blood might be selfish. And if that’s not enough, I’d like them to take a look at Soulless!Sam, who could have done anything but chose to continue hunting. Soulless!Sam, the single most stable and consistent soulless person in the entire show, whose admitted motivation for remaining soulless despite knowing he was “wrong” was that things didn’t hurt as much. Seriously. Come at me. Anyone who thinks Sam is egotistical has not seen the show or is picking events out of context and trying to apply some isolated events to the entire show.

Sam displays more toxic masculinity than any other character? What the…what even? What the heck? I would love to see the support for this argument, I really would. While both brothers display some unhealthy habits undoubtedly adopted thanks to their impossibly tough life and their upbringing… claiming that Sam is the poster child for toxic masculinity is just laughable. I could talk about why, but first let’s just look at a quick definition:

Toxic masculinity is a narrow and repressive description of manhood, designating manhood as defined by violence, sex, status and aggression. [… S]upposedly “feminine” traits – which can range from emotional vulnerability to simply not being hypersexual – are the means by which your status as “man” can be taken away. Sex, in particular, is an important part of “being a man”. […] The need to “get” sex is all-encompassing because the more of it you have, the higher “status” you have as a man.You’ll notice how often sex and sexlessness comes up as an insult when a man wants to insult another man. (x)

Let’s just take a moment and ask ourselves. For which of our leads are sexual conquests important? Which character looked at cheerleaders and leered that he could tell which ones were legal? Which one finds peace in violence and resorts to violent ways of expressing himself before any other? Which one calls the other “bitch” and uses feminine terms as a way to demean someone? Which one pushes the other to have sex or act aggressive/sexual? Which one regularly calls women opponents “bitch” without any real evidence or reason? Spoiler: it’s not Sam.

And here’s the thing: toxic masculinity isn’t something where we can point out someone who displays the traits of it and call that person awful. It’s not quite as simple as that. Toxic masculinity isn’t a person. It’s an unhealthy, pervasive set of expectations. Heck, yeah, it’s terrifying and harmful to women and anyone who doesn’t conform or accept it. But it’s not the people we need to fight, but the overwhelming pressure and the media portrayals and the way it’s freaking exalted as the “right” way to “be a man.” On some level, there is an element of choice in adopting these beliefs and a certain amount of personal responsibility to… I dunno, not be an asshole, but in a lot of ways, it’s like showing commercials about grapes and making movies about grapes and rewriting history to feature grapes and then expecting no one to eat grapes. The hunting community in Supernatural, I’m afraid, is full of said grape-glorification. There’s no excuse for what some of them do, but they have ample reasoning for acting that way. (And if we’re talking levels of grape-hood on SPN, then I’m gonna have to say that Dean displays the highest levels of grapeliness, objectively.)

Haha, I hope this helped, Anon! I hope you’re able to blacklist the types of people who are saying those things. Personally, I’ve found it’s just unpleasant and ultimately fruitless (pun not intended) to engage cruel and baseless claims like that. I hope you’re able to make your Tumblr experience a more enjoyable one. Sending hugs and hopes that this made even a bit of sense.

#asdlkdjlkj WHY with some of these? It's like they just looked at the facts and were like 1+1=TWENTY #wank for ts #bittersamgirlclub #sam winchester #sam hate not welcome #anonymous #semirah replies #for safety gonna tag #dean negative #fandom wank

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