#how likely do we think it is that he'll address things in a stream today?

[quakinqueer]

I did read that post and i did not make me think he fucked up that bad. Can you explain why you think he looks worse the more you see them? Cuz i dont understand how he sounds passive agressive at all. He just sounds blunt and defensive.

Hiya. His first two replies were the most outwardly blunt and defensive, as you said. It's his last reply that people took as more passive aggressive. Bringing up follower count, and that op hadn't deleted the post, basically implying that op had bad intentions (or atleast that's how most people took it) without directly saying so, when op had done nothing to indicate such bad intentions. Either way all his actions were definitely rash but not irredeemable.

More under the cut. Not directed at you asker but more my general thoughts at the moment.

Honestly this has just been a wildly polarizing emotional roller coaster. Everytime I see people trying to defend him and demonizing zayna in the process, it makes me incredibly upset as someone who watched the entire interaction go down and had zaynas back beginning to end (and still do), and frankly just makes me disappointed to see people defending this priveliged public figure over a palistinian fan with family in Palestine.

But at the same time, everytime I see someone being extra critical of damien and acting as though he's done something absolutely unforgivable, my inner "protective stan" starts to rear its ugly head. Which I honestly kind of hate.

I'm exhausted. I find it extremely concerning how much this has genuinely impacted my real life and the ease with which I'm able to go about my day. But I suppose that sort of unhealthy attachment is for me to examine on my own time.

All I want is for damien to address things, and hopefully do it well. Until then, I'm gonna need everyone to stop jumping to his defense claiming that he acted perfectly reasonable and that zayna was "harassing and pressuring him" (seriously laughable as someone who watched the interaction), and to for the love of God stop demonizing zayna, the original op. But also to stop treating damien like he's this monster whose career can never recover (this is mostly aimed at twt). He acted incredibly stupid and immature and impulsive, but if he just apologizes properly, then it could turn out okay.

Stop trying to turn this into some war over damien's honor. He messed up, but he can fix it if he just goes about it the right way. That's all. (again, not really at you asker)

#smosh #damien haas #yet still more ranting #god i'm tired #how likely do we think it is that he'll address things in a stream today?

[missycolorful]

hallo there o/

I wanted to piggyback off your last post on the 'birdbrain/abandonment' post:

I feel this particular situation was bound to happen sooner or later. It's not the first time of late(within the last month) the children have felt abandoned/left behind by qphil. During Prison Event you could see the eggs thoughts on being left behind due to possible escape or interactions with other residents and lore.

Day 3 after the interview tallulah said, "I dont like it here.." and chayanne said, "Let's stick together today..". Qphil then turned it into a joke, "...STICK together.. cause he's holding a stick.." but I do not believe these words were said for nothing. Day 3 had dark themes surrounding the residents(inmate crucifixion) and as a child paying attention I would be scared and want my parent in sight much as possible.

Now of course we give grace to the ccs because streaming and events can take a toll. Phil had stated several times during the event he felt overwhelmed/stimulated, along with others agreeing with him.

At one point the eggs eventually burried them selves in hole, in which wasn't addressed until after a guard Tubbo and Charlie noticed. On the walls chayanne signs say: we are a ghost - we will die here and bit later tallulah states: we were wondering how lo g it took u to find us, we were thinking you were leaving us here.

Qphil reassured them but I got to thinking: every where he went residents had their eggs with them. When escaping with Charlie fit and tubbo, ramon was with fit and sunny was with either parent...qphil was alone. When talking to the guard for the hat, pomme was with aypierr - rishas and pepito were with their guardians and em/dapper was with bagi and bad...qphil was alone.

Giving benifit of doubt he was trying to protect them.(the guard was a butt)

That being said: the separation was scary, anything could have happened. Yesterday situation could have went very differently as well. The eggs could have been mortal. Something more dangerous than the scorpion could have caught them along their travel back home.

And this ALL is off the talks/agreement of them sticking together as a family. Having each others back. The situation is so interesting because after concerns are said qphil does comply with not taking his sight off them rest of stream. I really enjoy this family dynamic for some reason

Sorry for long post

oh gosh don't apologize, I'm eating this whole post up. And it's given me more to say, so... sorry in turn, lol!!

honestly, a lot of the prison event felt like a blur to me (a lot happened lol), so I completely forgot about those small moments. Like a lot of other similar moments, they're jokes, yes, but there's a certain weight to them. And these jokes they've been making have had a certain weight for a while now. And.... looking back, I feel dumb for not even mentioning the one thing that's really brought this whole issue, and these "jokes" and concerns the kids have, into existence.

It's the Ender King.

q!Phil has made it clear that if the Ender King finds him and seeks to capture him and take him away from the kids, there's nothing he can do. He's not sure if he can come back, if he does get taken, even though he swears he'll do everything he can to return to his kids. But that reveal of the Ender King and Phil's concerns about his fate by his hands has affected Chayanne and Tallulah greatly. It's good that he's been honest with them, I'd rather he be. But there's no good way to handle this, in truth.

Chayanne, after Purgatory, has been more clingy with his father, but I think it's more noticeable as of recent. Tallulah has tried to distance herself a little like sleeping at her and Wilbur's house, most likely out of a need to feel independent and such, but within the last month or so, she's also been fairly clingy. I think her attempts at being independent fell to the wayside once the idea of her father just... disappearing, and possibly never coming back, came to mind. She sleeps at the sanctuary (and now their new house as of the reset) more often than not. They're both afraid of waking up and seeing that the most consistent parental figure in their lives is gone.

Like, we all know that q!Phil isn't actually abandoning them or even leaving them behind with any malicious or neglecting purpose, and I think the kids know he wouldn't do so with intention (which is why him being defensive yesterday was sort of a moot point, but anyway). Plenty of the parents will let their kids mind their business and do things without them around. This isn't new, and this has happened with Phil's kids plenty of times! For example, Phil didn't want his kids around during a lot of the prison stuff, because a lot of what he was doing was risky, and he didn't want them to get hurt. And we know that yesterday was a pure accident, and he wants to try to be more careful.

But technicalities and logic aren't really important here. What upsets the kids is simply the idea of him being gone, and the fear of him never coming back. It doesn't matter how many times he tells them that he will, because these fears are huge and real. You accidentally left the kids behind at Etoiles' house? It doesn't matter, you still left. You got kidnapped by the Ender King? It doesn't matter you're still gone.

#qsmp #philza #tallulah #chayanne #missy rambles #honestly it just makes me a bit sadder that the rescue mission streams never came to fruition #imagine the angst of phil leaving them behind for a day to save his close friends #after he promised tallulah he wouldn't leave OOOUGH DANG IT NOW I'M SAD ABOUT IT AGAIN IGNORE ME

[oshi-nakadapiroki]

Nakada Hiroki Channel Nakacha no Ma #47 2023.10.31 Notes [Eng translation]

≫ Intro:

For some reason, he's got the stream set to start at 08:10PM and not the usual 08:00PM (he doesn't know why)

It's Halloween! 🎃👻🦇

He hasn't seen alot of ppl out and about, but then again the evening has only just begun

He thinks it's probably best to relax at home on Halloween

Apparently Shinjuku Halloween is worse than Shibuya Halloween (either way they're both hell)

He went once before the pandemic for work-related reasons and it was hell on earth, the traffic regulations were really bad (was it during that time he wore the giraffe headpiece? Unsure if it was work-related tho)

He thinks as long as people have fun and are careful, it's all fine

He will not be leaving his house at all tonight lmao

He's got a stuffy nose (as always)

Someone in the chat offers him 4000¥ to show his face already

He tells us it's gonna be a no-face livestream this time

We're bidding now so someone offers 14 000¥ lol

Apparently he didn't get the 4000¥ from the Osaka bday event (?!) wtf Beethoven

He's wearing black bunny ears!

He was looking for horns but he got them mixed up with the bunny ears. He looks cute either way! And it suits since he's the year of the rabbit

He was so embarrassed to get it because there was a high school girl next to him buying the same thing 😭 He was questioning his sanity since he already looked like a suspicious person lmao

This month's beer: Premium Malt's Limited Design 500ml 🍺

He's having blue cheese with honey again 🧀🍯

He doesn't know where he bought the handcuffs for his bday event (probably mail older? they were pretty heavy)

After he had finished his bento, he went back to his hotel for a moment, then rode the ferris wheel, then got back to the event just in time for the evening part (he's so マイペース) 🎡

He didn't buy any souvenirs in Osaka

He wants to cut today's free part of the stream short since he'll be doing a gaming stream afterwards

It's been so long, he barely even remembers how to log in on his gaming PC

He said he was gonna play Only Down next but when he had logged into Steam, he had to put all of his information into his account again (not just card information but address etc)

He doesn't remember his card number, just the security code 😂

He says it's no good to engage in fraud/scamming (no one mentioned it in the chat so idk where he got that from??)

Oh ok he's been seeing it around on Twitter apparently

He doesn't smoke or gamble (glad we got that out of the way lol) ( ´Д｀)yー~~

Someone in the chat asks what he thinks of a girl who smokes and he says he doesn't approve nor disapproves of it

Its each to their own, much like with him and his drinking

It's better not to smoke but he doesn't think it's a good idea to take cigarettes away from the ppl who do smoke. As long as it's in moderation, doesn't cause trouble for others and we're considerate, he thinks it's fine 🚬

Whether it's about ordinary cigarettes or e-cigarettes, he doesn't know the circumstances of the situation, but he think each person has their own reasons for it

"'What about a woman who drink 24 h/day?' Sleep. Go to bed. What are you fighting that's got you drinking for 24 hours? w"

"From my own experience, I don't think I could have done that even when I was young.. No wait, I did. I think I did" (Sendai flashbacks lmao)

≫ Furuba:

Again, Furuba probably had the shortest rehearsals he's ever had in his entire acting career so far

There were some scenes that were cut apparently

He wishes he could talk about them but he's not gonna get into it since he doesn't want to stream too late into the night on a weekday

… he says, but still talks about it lol

It seems he drew the short straw among whose character's scene to cut since they had to fit as much content as possible into that 3 hour run-time 😭

≫ Tensura:

It's been two and a half months so he doesn't remember it as much, he's been working on such different works and meeting so many different ppl since

Although it was the first time he and Miyashita Yuya co-starred, they got along the best

He really liked him and they had alot of drinks together

He thinks they had very similar personalities and ways of thinking, and that's why they got along so well - he clarifies that this is all one-sided though

I think he said seikaku (性格; personality) but someone in the chat wrote they thought he said seiyoku (性欲; sexual desires)???

"Wouldn't it be weird if we had the same sexual desires? I don't know about Yuya's sexual desires"

He's the type of senpai who he doesn't have to be so considerate of because they get along well even when they talk in an unofficial setting

The chat is gaslighting him into believing he actually said seiyoku

"How many times am I gonna say 'sexual desire'? This is gonna be in the archives so I gotta be careful. There's probably an army of people out there who are gonna take advantage of this" ww This man doesn't want to be caught in 4K 😂

His bunny ears keep being out of frame

It's been a long time since he saw Mahiro (he's doing Osomatsu on Stage rn)

Hiroki also wanted to be in Osomatsu but he was told it was impossible due to his age 😭

Su~su~su~su~sumairu~

Apparently the choreographer for the Tensura closing theme was the same one as the one in SekaNeko!

He thought it was gonna be difficult for Benimaru and Souei to fit the last dance part but it was alot of fun in the end

The make-up departments for Tensura/Suehiro/Furuba and their routines were all completely different; even if they all had the same base (his face), he thinks they were completely different

The wig and make-up artists all belong to the same team

He particularly liked the red tear drop for Benimaru's make-up 🩸 Maybe it should have been a bit more red though

The line was very fine and every day it looked a bit different

It was fun wearing hakama and wielding an ōdachi 🤗 He thinks having a sword is like having a friend ww

It wasn't difficult to wear the hakama - that is, if you learn the correct way to walk while wearing it

Benimaru's hakama is double layered after all and the haori (?) on top

The chat mentions how his sandals flew in one performance and the scabbard in another performance

It seems he ripped the hakama at two different occasions (as seen in senshūraku, but then also during the final battle scene with the Orc Disaster?)

He's grateful to Ogi Hana's performance 👏

omg apparently Hakurou's hair came off in one performance too?? He grabbed it mid-fight and let it hang off the sword as a charm

≫ Furuba:

Keeping the theme of mishaps, there was also the incident during Furuba where the juzu beads got scattered on stage (I'm assuming from Kyo's bracelet when Kazuma ripped it off in the beginning?)

Apparently they were torn two days in a row (thankfully no one tripped on them). Perhaps they acted as a substitute for protecting him 📿

Although Aya did trip backwards in the second to last performance (when he bumped into one of the ensemble members) 😭

There seems to have been a miss in communication because Hiroki didn't think he was gonna be there when he was

But he handled it like a gymnast doing a backflip

It was the first time he's ever bumped into someone so beautifully 😂

For a moment, everything went dark for him

"Black hole 👐"

He's back to saying he's gonna cut the stream - then proceeds not to cut the stream 🫠

He's thinking if he should play Duck Simulator for the gaming stream instead so he can keep talking rather than play

Someone in the chat says it's fine if he does a smartphone game instead but apparently he can't cut the mic if he's on smartphone and he doesn't want to in case he needs to burp lmao (what a gentleman)

So he can't even go to the bathroom if he's on his phone

(Sidenote but it looks like he's checking notes in front of him 🥺 he's so good for taking notes in preparation for the monthly livestream)

≫ Suehirogari:

Hiroki's mum's oshi is Hyuuga!! He doesn't remember if she said it specifically but he thinks she said something about a small girly looking boy with a bob haircut (it wasn't Matsui lol) It revealed a side of his mum even he himself didn't know about 🤭

He's on good terms with Nagata Kouhei, they go have food sometimes

Hiroki mama sent him an update on LINE the other day when Kishou Hongi was on TV!

"No one came to the birthday event after watching that, right? Then you wouldn't have slept"

He's surprised with the amount of Chaba in the chat who watched it at the time - he wants us to go to bed

Then again, he gets that it makes you excited when its shown on TV, it's the 8th anniversary after all

It was shown on Nittele Plus which he's been broadcasted on before back in the day (Ikemen bijo to sugosu yoru in 2014? He was so baby in that one.. Then again, Resistance Eleven was also broadcasted on CS Nittele)

≫ Goods update, poor time management etc:

He's got honey dripped on his fingers so now he's all sticky 🍯 He sniff

Happy Birthday to everyone born in October 🎉

He's had quite a few people at events telling him that they share the same birth month

He's happy to be with everyone in October so there's no doubt that it's gonna be a wonderful year

Then there's alot of fun events coming up in November and December 🤫

"'That's adequate www' That's the type of channel this is"

He thinks it's good to do things leisurely instead of just showing the good parts like many other channels, so even though some ppl might not like it, this is the kind of channel he wants to have

"There's no point in showing just the good parts. I'm open to showing both the good and bad parts. If you'd ask me, I think channels that only show the good parts are boring"

He's more attracted/trustful of ppl who are more likely to say things that other ppl wouldn't

Ah, photobook - necklace - meerkat (iykyk)

Glico is not part of his branding lol

He feels like he's a fraud for just coming up with repeated excuses; i) the photobook has been postponed, ii) he's sad to report that the meerkat probably won't be made into merchandise, and iii) the timing hasn't been right for the necklace and he doesn't want to make it unless it's in December or March (Christmas or White Day)

He's very particular about it 🥺 That's why it's been two years in the making

There were lots of different reasons for him to quit his former agency but he tried to make these happen back then already

He's not trying to badmouth his former agency, it's just that when an environment changes, you have to start from scratch again

After all, he was reunited with the Beethoven duo for the first time during his Osaka bday event the other day and they were able to create good memories together

He apologizes that he's not good at making people laugh when he's livestreaming (not true)

He thinks his ordinary self is really not that interesting or funny

Again, he's bringing up how bad he is with keeping a time schedule 😂 Throwing everyone from Okayama under the bus again lol

At this point, the second part of the stream is only gonna be 8 minutes 🤣

Lenient Hiroki but only when it's concerning friends and those he's close with, he wouldn't be causing the same troubles when it's in a work-setting

Guess he used to be an unbelievable student lmao

If he said to meet up with his Okayama friends in the early afternoon, they'd eventually meet in the evening

"Time moved so slowly when we were kids. Time may be finite, but back then, I lived my life thinking that it was infinite"

Naturally, all this only goes for the people who you used to see every day, never for the ones who you see occasionally or if they've travelled a long way to see you - if that's the case, he'll be on time for sure

≫≫ 2nd half of the stream:

In the last Nakacha, he told us that Akashi and Chougi shared the same make-up artist, but there's one more!

Apparently there's one costumer for every two Touken danshi

He shared costumer with Hizen this time

Ryouga and Kouhei live in their own little world and he thinks they're very cute

Let's do a second kanpai now that the stream is cut 🍻

He's wearing his rainbow striped Adidas pants tonight 🌈

This month's second beer: Premium Malt's Kaoru Ale Limited Design 500ml 🍺

The second one tasted completely different from the first one! He's surprised to see PreMalt's having such different tastes even though it's the same brand

The chat points out it's better to wipe it before opening

He's embarrassed his stomach is making noises since he hasn't had dinner yet 🥺

He had sandwiches and some good sushi in Osaka

It wasn't that there were no bentos for the bday event, just that there was one missing. He thought the staff were just messing with him at the time and that's why it came to mind when he did the weird corner in the second part of the Tokyo event

Since he didn't know the reason for it, he couldn't help but feeling out of place

Another tummy rumble

He didn't notice that they had spelled his name wrong on the screen (博喜 became 博貴)

He's still thankful for everyone who participated in such a short amount of time

Also, he's reached the age now that even if he realises he's being made fun of, he doesn't think too much of it

≫ English corner:

"Rose is sexy flower!"

He didn't know that bara was rose 😭

His English vocabulary is limited in the first place so the words he come up with on the spot are unexpected

This time it was very difficult for him, he thought he was gonna lose his mind halfway through

His English is limited but he still believes that he manages to get his point across if he ever was to go abroad (oh sweetie)

Someone in the chat mentions how he's even appeared in UtaPri yet he never remembers the word

He's gonna remember it from now on, if only the word is gonna come up in the future (we've heard small King for so many events lately so I'm pretty sure it's gonna appear again 😂)

The most frequent words have probably been ouji (prince) and aru hi (one day)

He doesn't know exactly what pit in is but he thinks it's along the lines of got there/getting there/going there (he doesn't think he should look into it, then it'd be meaningless)

He knows old is furui but not mukashi mukashi (once upon a time/a long time ago)

He's learned pit in from Formula 1.. but in the next breath he says he's never watched F1

Shoutout to Toyoko Inn

He's saying "nanananana" (catchfrase by Jp comedian Joyman) then says he mimicked him one time at rehearsals (which rehearsal? we'll never know) even though he wasn't even trying to do an impression but it received lots of laughter

"It's a battle between actors, when the unreasonable request of doing something on the spot comes up"

≫ Furuba:

He wanted to talk about Tori-san, then he keeps on saying -san -san -san

The chat mentions unrelated words also ending in -san like Ohta Isan, sekaiisan, Ryukakusan

Someone asks where he heard of Shukipi (song by idol group =LOVE) which he referenced as part of the adlib aikotoba when entering Ayame's shop (10.14 matinée performance); it was not intended to be part of the play since it's not in the source material, he was just joking around during rehearsals

It seems he had gotten the OK for from the producers beforehand to reference the title of the song

He's unsure if he did the correct lyrics tho

Apparently Sashihara Rino (producer of =LOVE, previous member of AKB48) came to see the play that day! (Souma Isuzu's actress Nogiuchi Iori is part of =LOVE. Additionally, Honda Tooru's actress Yoshida Ayano Christie is also part of Nogizaka46 which is the official rival group of AKB48 🫢)

Someone asks him how long it took to make the Aya doll but first, as for the "Yuki-chan who loves his brother 100%" cardboard standee, he drew it all by himself after everyone had left the performance hall for the day

He stuck around until closing hour

Since he had about an hour off-stage for each day's performance, he had alot of thinking time

Then the cardboard standee was destroyed in an instant lol

He thought it would've been nice if it had been destroyed by Yuki himself but Kyo is Kyo after all

"The cardboard was then thrown apart without further discussion"

He was shocked since the cardboard was actually pretty hard

He went to Tokyu Hands by himself to buy the cardboard specifically, then he hired a car to have it delivered (!!) because there was no way he was bringing 180cm cardboard on the train or in a taxi - and he paid it all by himself

It wasn't Aya who fell to his knees on stage, it was all Hiroki 😂

They would pay it if he asked them to, but he did it because he wanted to

He thinks it'd be uncool to have the others pay for every single thing

It might have been better if he spent his money on other props since it was finished off with a single blow, but as long as that moment leaves a lasting impression on alot of people, he thinks it's worth the time and money spent

"Its value is not in the time it takes, but in how much it remains in people's hearts"

The chat points out how he still wanted those 4000¥ at the event 🤣

He laughs over the fact that they had all said there was no way they'd be able to break it beforehand, but then it went just like that lol

Kyo just went for a full power lariat punch

But that's one of the things he likes about Shouhei, he goes all in

He kept forgetting to have the ensemble get off-stage before the others came back

He also went to Nitori and bought a pillow made of bird feathers and a body pillow?? He didn't get to use the body pillow this time tho

He didn't want to tell the shop staff he wasn't planning on using the pillows for their intended purpose when he asked for as cheap as possible

He's been questioning himself alot for a long time; "what am I doing?"

As for the scene where he held the kabutomushi (Japanese rhinoceros beetle), he doesn't even remember how it came to be

It had only been a few days since they had gotten to the rehearsals (they hadn't even gone through the rehearsals or practiced yet) and on the second day, they were already in costume

He's never done anything in that condition before

They gave him free rein to do pretty much whatever he wanted

He's not sure why he came out with the beetle in that really moving scene but it received lots of laughter during rehearsals

Hiroki himself barely even realizes that he held a beetle, he just wanted to convey that specific line

It was actually a stag beetle apparently - it might have been because Tooru called it a stag beetle in another scene. Maybe Ayame had picked it up first then let it escape

Needless to say, none of this was in the script lol

At one of the performances, there was a man in the audience who did a snorting laugh so Hiroki almost lost his composure

(Note: snort laughing is butappana (ぶたっぱな/豚鼻) which uses the characters for 'pig' and 'nose')

The spotlight had only just hit him but he hadn't said any lines yet

He was happy to receive that response even though it wasn't the right timing

"If I'd laughed in that scene, I wouldn't be a professional anymore"

In that sense, they're really making the performances together with the audience, it's different every time

≫ Tensura and Suehiro:

He mentions snort laughing senpais like Shunri and Yuya - and Yuya truly is a pig nose ww

At the very end in Tensura when Geld begs for forgiveness from the Ogre clan, apparently Yuya found it very funny that his pig nose was basically pressed into the ground 🐽

He seemed to have been struggling quite alot with that nose (not to mention they had to get rid of the tusks before the performances had even begun)

B*z*n and Ts*r*m*r* had the same make-up artist for Suehirogari 🤫

Unless their make-up sessions didn't fall within the same timeslots, he doesn't know who had their make-up done together with who

Someone asks "what about Michu-niki?" and he thinks they meant Murata Mitsu since they said -niki (from aniki; older brother) but they actually meant Hayashi Mitsuaki (Onimaru's actor)

He's not sure if he should say this but he can't help but think Mitsuaki looks like Menjo Kentaro (!!)

He thinks they're both wild, old-fashioned, a bit clumsy, close in age (Mitsu is born in 1990/10 and Menjo is 1990/11), and have similar face structure

He's unsure if he should say things like these but since he's not saying anything bad, moreover he thinks it's positive, it doesn't have to be a secret - everyone go tweet it 👌

He hasn't seen Menjo in a while and he misses him 🥺

He burp

The burping powder from the Osaka event was actually quite tasty (iirc it tasted of apple?)

≫ Bday event and Chaba:

He's thankful for all the gifts he received at the bday event 🎁 The ones from Osaka have yet to arrive though

He's gonna open them all later, not on livestream though

He's got a cardboard box of gifts and letters on the other side of the room

"I wonder if it's okay to be this happy? 'Show us the cardboard box' - I can't just do that, can I? I can't show every single person. To me, everyone is equally important, and I don't want to show it to anyone else. Please let me enjoy it on my own"

Someone asks if he actually read the letters and he responds, "you don't think I read them? That hurts" 💔

He does remember Ochappachans' faces

If he's completely super honest though, he does not remember names. If one's icon and face matches though, he'll remember

He would like more of us Chaba to have our faces as icons

He might remember if for example, you say your name and show your icon while taking cheki together

He might remember some by their no-face icons though but not all - he will not tell lies

Naturally, he will not remember the faces of first-time event visitors

"For newcomers, it may not be very pleasant words to hear, but the ones who have been supporting me for a long time often tell me how many years they have been with me. And that makes me happy, and of course I'll remember it. In the end, those newcomers are going to be the same way in a few years. So I'm hoping that as that happens, there will be more and more of that, more and more albums in my head, and I'm hoping that we'll get to that point"

He's sorry he's really bad with names but he's trying his best

From his point of view, it makes him happier if someone remembers his face rather than name

"It's not a competition, and it doesn't mean anyone's inferior. You are all important people to me. There is no difference. There is no difference, but the fact that they have been supporting me for a long time is just a fact. That's still a wonderful thing and it makes me happy. I'd be very happy if you said you've been with me for 10 years. But that's not to say I'm not happy with the ones who have been with me for less than a year. So if someone says 10 years, 8 years, 7 years, 6 years, I'd say, "wow, that's a long time." Let's all have that conversation. It's fine isn't it, let's grow old together. No?"

Then again, it's not about the length of time but rather the depth of that time spent

Even though he hasn't been able to see us for three years, he was happy to see people coming again for the first time in three years

It's not about what appeals to him specifically, he's just happy about that fact

He then acknowledges the Chaba who come from overseas since there were quite a few at the event this time

"I understand that it is not a matter of distance, but how hard, precious, and how much energy it takes to go to see someone"

That's one of the reason why taking cheki together is such an important time to him because we get to spend time close to each other

"I think it's fine for everyone to have their own way of looking at it, but for me, that is the most direct moment for me because it's the moment when I feel the most about how much you feel for me to come to see me"

His heart is grinning but he apologizes for his tired facial expressions

"To begin with, I don't smile very often. I'm not a person who smiles, so my facial expressions aren't trained. But when I do smile, I smile. My heart is always smiling"

Someone in the chat mentions how they have still never had any physical contact with him (due to remaining COVID restrictions) and he responds, "aren't our hearts always touching?"

For his next event, he'd like to be able to have physical contact

For the Osaka evening cheki, he had assigned one of the poses as "good heart" (search for グッドハートポーズ) where one does half a heart and the other gives a thumbs up (kind of like a rejection), but because there was a confusion of who would do which pose, it pretty much just ended up like a full heart most of the time 🫶

Many of the Chaba thought they weren't allowed to touch the partition screen or they were too embarrassed to touch it

He wanted to break down the partition screen

Everyone were touching all over with the handcuffs tho

"The handcuffs were great. I liked the handcuffs, personally I liked them alot. It felt like we were connected. The other [poses] were also good, but I thought the handcuffs were really good"

He'd like to clarify (once again) that he is not a masochist 😂

He snort laughs and apologizes to both Yuya and that person in the audience 🐽

He will not be holding a hugging event because "hugging is not such a simple thing" - and neither is him becoming a lap pillow

He thinks doing pinky promises for next time should be okay

Someone asks if he would do a hug if they offered more money (than the regular cheki which tends to be 3000¥) but he says it's not about money but rather what you can and can't do since COVID is still quite prevalent and the flu is going around at this time

Since he had to avoid cancelling the events at all costs, that's also why he was able to let go a bit on the restrictions in Osaka since he doesn't have anything else planned afterwards

Instead of handcuffs, he had everyone holding the balloon in Tokyo (he held "3" and Chaba held "6")

It was the first time he had balloons as props 🎈

Now he's gonna wrap up the livestream, go to the bathroom, then set up the gaming stream

"'Hey hey, is it ok if I fall in love with you?' On the contrary, have you not fallen in love with me at this point? Ouch"

He calls himself the husband of 700 people again (except only 600 were live atm)

He's got serious trauma from the scorpion 🦂 He's glad he didn't have to eat it in the end

Majima = Broccoli 🥦

It's been a while since he did a gaming stream so he's sorry it's probably only going to be Duck Simulator tonight. He's gonna have to talk with the staff at OpenRec to figure out how to stream the other things he downloaded but wasn't able to play

He tried looking it up on his own but he found no solution online

His bunny ears keep being out of frame so he just looks like someone who's wearing some kind of weird piece of string

This month's roll call was just an ordinary one 👋 Shoutout to Mayumi

Lastly, he called out Chaba so he called everyone 🍵

He won't tweet when the gaming stream starts so he's relying on all of us to spread the word instead lol

Chaba is his only manager 🙌 But he thinks we're all a bit strict so we should all go to Okayama and chill

≫ OpenRec's Discord:

He hasn't checked his Discord these last couple of days so he might have been logged out (since it's connected to his OpenRec account, which is consequently also the company's account), apparently it takes quite some time to log in

He assures us there are benefits of being subscribed to Gold Membership

He thinks his Discord has been quite lonely recently

He sees everything Chaba write on Discord, even though he doesn't comment often. Of course he checks Twitter too, but Discord is the only platform where he has unrestricted access to a Chaba-only timeline

As for letters (via OpenRec), he's the only one who sees them (but he doesn't think it's good because he doesn't want to make money from it and it costs alot of money to send)

Basically, he doesn't check his Twitter DMs. If he turned on his Twitter DMs, there would be no point in using Discord and he thinks it would be rude for the people who are sending him messages there

If he stops Discord, he'll have to stop doing OpenRec

Since he's not with an agency anymore, he hasn't been receiving many fan letters recently (he looks so sad and lonely as he says this 🥺)

He clarifies that he does indeed read his fan letters!

He will not tell his account number

He wants us to take a screenshot and tweet it alongside the gaming livestream notification

He's not that drunk rn; he's got work and he's grown - not like before when he was in a disarray during COVID

Last year was a bit difficult too (not that it had anything to do with being drunk)

He was so drunk he doesn't even remember that particular livestream

He won't do InstaLive or YouTube either

He thinks it's incredible you can now charge money on Twitter, he has no idea how the monetization works though

He apologizes for his bad time management (again) 😅

"Once again, I'd like to thank you all for coming to Tensura, Suehirogari, Furuba and then birthday event for these past two and a half months. I'm sure I've pushed you too hard by including all of this [in this amount of time]. I honestly have a mixture of feeling sorry for making you work so hard and grateful for having you come to see me. From hereon, I probably won't have any press conferences/meetings next month or the month after that, I don't know if there will be any, and even if there is, it might not be, or even if there is, it hasn't been decided. Now that COVID is over, there are instances where the stage will be decided a month or two in advance. For example, I may have received an offer in January, or I may have received an offer in December, but I've probably been saying this for a long time now that it doesn't necessarily mean anything will come out of it. It might be very difficult to balance the times when we can't see each other and when I won't appear [on stage], but I still want us to see that scenery together. I don't want us to view a scenery that I don't want to see. I want us to always be able to see the same scenery - but I might have to make you wait a little while. It's okay if you have an affair, that's totally fine. If it gives you energy, then that's fine. That's fine. It's my fault for not being able to take you on a trip that shows you a much better scenery. Don't worry about it, it's okay - I'm saying that, but it's actually pretty hard for me (laughs)"

Next year may still be far off but he still has some ideas about it

He's not in works as frequently as he used to be but it all comes down to how important each piece is to him personally

While there may be times that we get to see him frequently, rather than having a fixed number of times we get to see him, it depends on how we spend that short amount time together and he likes to think of how to get the most out of that time

Even if he can't meet us, he's still going to continue to send out messages

If he gets 200 comments on Twitter, he will host a Christmas party on the 25th (he just chose a number at random)

He's been getting less replies on Twitter recently

He might try to do a brief dinner show, although he doesn't have the motivation for it. Since he's not with a management anymore, he probably won't be able to do it

Someone apologizes in the chat for slacking off by not replying but he says there's no need to, we all do whatever in our own time

A Christmas party would mean getting rid of this year's Fuyu no Jin

"'If it's a livestream, it's fine' - see, it's already gonna be difficult for everyone! I thought that was definitely gonna be the case so I better stop. This conversation never happened"

He hasn't made any plans for this year's Fuyu no Jin so he's been thinking of not doing it

Even so, he wants to make time to spend with everybody, even if it's a short while

It doesn't have to be necessarily limited to theatrical performances

Christmas is tough with money already so he doesn't want to push us too hard

He'd like to do the dinner show but it's probably gonna be expensive since it won't include all the food and alcohol costs

He's imagining a dinner show like Mikawa Ken'ichi's

He apologizes for being a Libra and not a Scorpio so he won't be singing Mikawa's song titled Sasoriza no on'na (Scorpio woman) ♏❌️♎

He's not gonna make us pay 30 000¥ - but then again that might include food and all-you-can-drink

He thinks maybe it's so expensive because you can't invite that many people

Someone says he could cut a cabbage into strips and they'd be fine with it

"We could all share a heaping amount of shredded cabbage made by Nakada Hiroki www"

Hope is talking in her sleep! 🐶💕

His bladder is at its limit rn so he's gonna finish the stream lol

Screenshot time!

#this month's notes ended up being 14 pages lmao #thanks to the ones who kept on waiting for it #u the real mvp #nakada hiroki #nakacha no ma #translation #my post

[medemedemed]

Last night, things got really bad for a patient. We were out of options for him. He had really high doses of strong medications to keep his blood pressure up, antibiotics on board, was put on the ventilator earlier in the day, and his labs and vital signs showed us that all of it wasn't enough. Multiorgan failure is what we call it — organs shut down one by one, often starts with kidneys, and then quickly the liver, lungs and heart start to fail.

I got paged at 9pm. Things were getting worse. There was nothing more we could do. I had to call his family and tell them that this was it. He wasn't going to survive the night.

Over the phone, I listened to their sobs, but kept a straight face. As I waited for them to arrive, I joked around with the nurses, got hungry and craved social tea biscuits... and then I thought, am I heartless? Or is this just how we cope?

So I don't think about how I devastated them with a single conversation, how I destroyed their night and changed the course of their life.

So I don't think about how these people will lose their father, husband, brother, friend.

So I don't think about how quickly it'll deteriorate once we stop treatments, and how he'll pass not even two hours after that page.

So I don't think about how I would feel in their shoes, if that was my family.

So I don't think about how this morning, I was still talking with this man, giving him ice chips, holding his hand, and telling him we're taking care of him.

So I don't think about the message I left on his voicemail addressed to his wife that she'll have to listen to once she's home, a cruel reminder of this awful night.

So I don't think about how powerless we are, despite all the advancements in medicine.

So I don't think about how this is only one of the patients I lost today, and one of the many I'll lose in my career that's barely started.

I don't think I'm heartless. I got into medicine because I'm not. So these have to be coping mechanisms, right? But it still doesn't make it easier. In any case, it probably makes nights like these harder.

I know I'll remember the patient and his family, the difficult phone calls I made, and the drive home the next morning with tears streaming down my face thinking back on this. No one in medicine will teach you how to cope, not in school and not ever. But you learn. You learn, you remember, and you move on.

#mine #blog #medicine #medlife #medstudent #medschool #med #resident #internal medicine