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wordofrecall · 4 years

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character playlists: ori

so. let’s do this. my playlists are long and scattered, but they make me happy, so i might as well share them and the thoughts behind song choices. so. here’s some songs for runaway knights & wannabe witches, and what have you.

something holy - childhood & riches & wonders

pearl diver - mitski - oh hunter, if you didn’t want the beautiful so badly, perhaps you would’ve found it in your spirit singing softly - look. it's on the nose, considering that her title is "the pearl hunter," but also, like, that rules. this is a song for wren, i think; ori in the present reflecting on her mother and the similarities between them.

icicles - the scary jokes - i can only be forgiven if i’m giving myself up to you on a silver serving tray / must i bare myself to the stabbing of your knife & gnashing teeth while our lovely company appears so entertained? - aaand a song for childhood. 99% of ori's socialization came from her parents having important guests over, so. uh. yeah. show off your reclusive child prodigy like a pageant whenever you have the opportunity. she probably won't grow to loathe you.

life: the cruel interlude (on god) - kilo kish - why do i dare believe in me when i bleed? - questioning was. always a big thing for ori. i don't think she ever believed that the mirzha was god, and i known that she never truster her father's patron, but. in her studies, in her passions, there's always this tiny sense of desperation for something to have faith in something. not herself.

bluejays & cardinals - the mountain goats - the stars come out of hiding for you, & i would too - there is. a lot, in ori's relationship with her brother. she was the favorite child, yeah, the one destined for great things in spite of her... troubles. but he never had those troubles! she didn't, doesn't understand how he went through life so unafraid. there's envy there. i also think that the line i quoted is terribly true, like, canonically. because. she sure did do that stupid shit.

be calm - fun. - take it from me, i’ve been there a thousand times--you hate your pulse because it thinks you’re still alive! - sometimes you have intense social phobia. and that's okay!

country death song - violent femmes - kiss your mother goodnight & remember that God saves, kiss your mother goodnight & remember that God saves - i think andrei is a much less pitiable or even sympathetic man than the narrator of this song, but. like. it's a country song about a father killing his daughter while preaching godliness. i had to.

i’m all bloody inside - liam lynch - inside me, well, it’s dark & gross as hell, i’m not a pretty sight - the family business!

the hazards of love 3 (revenge!) - the decemberists - but father, don’t you fear, your children are all here - fantasies. part of the fantasy is imagining a world where she doesn't feel terrible about the thought.

shankill butchers - sarah jarosz - they used to be just like me & you, they used to be sweet little boys - "blood hunters are ghost stories." "and also, they're fucking terrible. violent, cruel, zealous. the worst."

sparrow - st. vincent - & no eyes are on the sparrow, eyes are on the sparrow, how could that be the case? the lark keeps whistling his number, silly little number, as if he isn't prey - pity for the boy. sort of retrospective, but it's a thought that's been there since she was a child.

something burning - rituals & fire & running

starchild - ghost quartet - but i will transcend & vomit this loser out of me; i will become the next big thing, i will light myself on fire - maybe she is some kind of angel? bursting with radiance and terrifying to look upon.

arsonist’s lullabye - hozier - don’t you ever tame your demons, always keep them on a leash / when i was sixteen, my senses fooled me - oooor maybe she is a sixteen year-old who is having a panic attack and setting everything in sight on fire by accident.

blood - my chemical romance - i’m the kind of human wreckage that you love! - so she's broken.

girl anachronism - the dresden dolls - it’s not the way i’m meant to be, it’s just the way the operation made me - so she's failed and she's broken and she's sick, and there's no time to fucking think.

when the chips are down - anais mitchell - cast your eyes to heaven, you’ll get a knife in the back. - so she does what her mother did before her, and she runs from that which she has always known.

body terror song - ajj - i’m so sorry that you have to have a body / one that will hurt you, & be the subject of so much of your fear - feelings on being built Wrong; feelings on your mind's undue control upon your body.

in corolla - the mountain goats - & no one was gonna come & get me, there wasn't anybody gonna know, even though i leave a trail of burnt things in my wake every single place i go - very good as an ori song in general but this is her justification to herself in the water. under the docks, she says this to herself.

the harrowed & the haunted - the decemberists - will i be so brave? - just to get that oceanic vibe up.

luna - the mountain goats - rise through the flames & end again in flames at last - an inexplicable feeling.

unwhere - reeder - a song for leaving what you've always known.

something lonely - years & woods & dreaming

runs in the family - amanda palmer - run from their pity, from responsibility, run from the country & run from the city, i can run from the law, i can run from myself, i can run for my life, i can run into debt, i can run from it all, i can run 'till I'm gone - she is broken and all she can think to do is get as far away as possible

panic attack - liza anne - i hate that i can be seen like this

black eyes - david wirsig - my hammering heart hears the voices of spirits that tempt us, the scorn that they’ve spoken

for the departed - shayfer james - they will bury me alive, but i’m not inclined to care; i am too far gone now

hurt - johnny cash - everyone i know goes away in the end; you can have it all, my empire of dirt

my body’s made of crushed little stars - mitski - i work better under a deadline! i work better under a deadline!

blood in the cut - k. flay - guess i’m contagious; it’d be safest if you ran--fuck, that’s what they all just end up doing in the end

little pistol - mother mother - i think i might be scared of the world & the way it makes you feel afraid & how it gets in the way

villains pt. 1 - emma blackery - built to create, designed to destroy

the beer - kimya dawson - & the christians gave me comic books as if i would be scared of burning in hell while i was already there [...] i tried to scream fuck you but blood was pouring out my mouth

something safe - family & finding it & fighting together

haunted house - sir babygirl - i’m running just to hide & i’m hiding just to breathe & around every corner is the same night on repeat

your heart is a muscle the size of your fist - ramshackle glory - i love you & you make me glad to be alive; i promise that i’m gonna pay you back / you always know how funny everything is, even when i’m so serious that it’s gonna be the death of me

medicines - the taxpayers - o, but our rotting corpses lying there soon began to leak & grow these lesions that all smelled just like a rose / & all the blood & guts inside us germinated into timeless pages stained with lines of lovely prose

autoclave - the mountain goats - i am this great unstable mass of blood & foam

alligator skin boots - mccafferty - i’m cool to the touch, leap to my death, i’ll die for you all, i’ll die for my friends, it goes like this

100 years - florence + the machine - lord, don’t let me break this, let me hold it lightly, give me arms to pray with instead of ones that hold too tightly

tomorrow will be kinder - the secret sisters - but i feel warmth on my skin, the stars have all aligned

armour - rae spoon - you know i placed was to build a life for you

amy aka spent gladiator 1 - the mountain goats - play with matches if you think you need to play with matches; seek out the hidden places where the fire burns hot & bright / find where the heat’s unbearable & stay there if you have to--don’t hurt anybody on your way up to the light, and stay alive

curses - the crane wives - won’t you stay with me, my darling, when my walls start burning down?

something daring - islands & visions & loss

jane’s dream - janelle monáe

beekeeper - keaton henson - hear me, o woman that has gone astray, gone astray

fire - kimya dawson - i’m reading books about how they’re corrupt [...] as long as i’m burning, i’ll keep on yearning to save the world, not sure how, but i’m learning

cosmic hero - car seat headrest - i love you, but i can’t stand the touch, & of course i’m alright with death

turn the lights off - tally hall - everbody likes to get taken for turns to see how bright the fire inside of us burns [...] should be stronger, books abandoned

eat you alive - the oh hellos - child, i’m afraid for your soul; these things that you’re after, they can’t be controlled

cry for judas - the mountain goats - hallucinate a shady grove where judas went to die

o death - monica martin - no wealth, no land, no silver, no gold, nothing satisfies me but your soul

blood of angels - brown bird - and i would wage my soul to bet that there ain’t no one throwing lightning anyhow

the universe is going to catch you - the antlers - the arms of the universe kept you from falling [...] those arms did not come back

a burning hill - mitski - i am the fire & i am the forest & i am the witness watching it / i stand in the valley watching it

something terrifying - conversations & selfhood & divination

the lamb - dessa - but blood is blood, & what’s done is done; blood is blood, & its burden is a beast

going invisible 2 - the mountain goats - i’m gonna burn it all down today & sweep all the ashes away

the lion’s roar - first aid kit - she plays a tune for those who wish to overlook the fact that they’ve been blindly deceived by those who preach & pray & teach, but she falls short & the night explodes in laughter

the villain i appear to be - connor spiotto - even if you can’t see the good inside me, i don’t have the time to tell you why i do the things that i do, just please hold on & soon you’ll seem

up the wolves - the mountain goats - there’s bound to be a ghost at the back of closet, no matter where you live; there’ll be a few things, maybe several things that you’re gonna find really difficult to forgive

thursday girl - mitski - glory, glory, glory to the night that shows me what i am

at the bottom of everything - bright eyes - we must take all of the medicines to expensive now to sel; set fire to the preacher who is promising us hell

everybody does - julien baker - i know i’m a pile of filthy wreckage you will wish you’d never touched, but you’re gonna run when you find out who i am

tongues & teeth - the crane wives - i know that you mean so well, but i am not a vessel for your good intent

a pearl - mitski - you’re growing tired of me and all the things i don’t talk about / sorry, i don’t want your touch--it’s not that i don’t want you

#original #this is. so long. and i will probably add more. but. Daughter.#ori #playlists

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dweemeister · 7 years

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My alternative 89th Academy Awards

And so here, as I do every year, is my alternative Oscars ceremony. This is what would happen tonight if I - and I alone - stuffed the ballots and decided on all of the nomination and all of the winners. Non-English language films are accompanied by their nation of origin (in FIFA three-letter code).

89th Academy Awards – February 26, 2017 Dolby Theatre – Hollywood, Los Angeles, California Host: Jimmy Kimmel Broadcaster: ABC

Best Picture: LA LA LAND

Arrival, Shawn Levy, Dan Levine, Aaron Ryder, and David Linde (Paramount)

Fences, Todd Black, Scott Rudin, and Denzel Washington (Paramount)

Hell or High Water, Carla Hacken and Julie Yorn (CBS Films/Lionsgate)

La La Land, Fred Berger, Jordan Horowitz, and Marc Platt (Summit)

Moonlight, Adele Romanski, Dede Gardner, and Jeremy Kleiner (A24)

O.J.: Made in America, Ezra Edelman (ESPN)

Our Little Sister (JPN), Kaoru Matsuzaki and Hijiri Taguchi (Toho Company)

The Red Turtle (FRA/BEL/JPN), Toshio Suzuki, Vincent Maraval, Pascal Caucheteux, Grégoire Sorlat, and Léon Perahia (Wild Bunch/Toho Company/ Lumière/Sony Pictures Classics)

The Salesman (IRN), Alexandre Mallet-Guy and Asghar Farhadi (Filmiran/Cohen Media Group)

Toni Erdmann (GER), Maren Ade, Jonas Dornbach, Janine Jackowski, and Michael Merkt (Komplizen Film/Sony Pictures Classics)

It’s a little disconcerting that only two major studio films are here. The mid-budget drama used to be the major studios’ bread-and-butter, and now that is gravitating ever more to the mini-majors and smaller studios. La La Land, Moonlight, O.J.: Made in America, and The Red Turtle all received 9/10 ratings from me. We essentially have a four-way tie for first, and I have to elevate one above the rest.

Some of my followers are gonna fume at my decision, but it’s La La Land for me. I approached that decision from a well-documented bias for musicals - fully aware of the film’s artistic, technical, and societal problems - the fact of the film’s cultural impact (I sometimes have a populist streak in how I see film history, and that’s a part of my personality), and personal taste (it came down to Moonlight and La La Land for me... I love both, but which movie would I not mind to waste 30 minutes on if nothing was on?).

If you ask me this question again in ten years’ time, my answer might very well change. I don’t have the luxury of hindsight right now.

Best Director

Damien Chazelle, La La Land

Michael Dudok de Wit, The Red Turtle

Ezra Edelman, O.J.: Made in America

Barry Jenkins, Moonlight

Hirokazu Koreeda, Our Little Sister

In my alternative Oscar universe, Koreeda nabs the latest of several nominations for Director, but he just can’t manage to break through in this category. It’s Jenkins for me, for crafting a story that I could not imagine having been filmed even five years ago.

Best Actor

Joel Edgerton, Loving

Andrew Garfield, Hacksaw Ridge

Ryan Gosling, La La Land

Sunny Pawar, Lion

Denzel Washington, Fences

Sunny Pawar has to hold up that first half of Lion, and he does so spectacularly. I also introduce Edgerton here as well. Garfield had a career performance in Hacksaw Ridge, and Gosling is a bit underrated. But it’s the one fellow nominated here who I would call a genuine movie star - a term that is thrown about too often these days, but I think he embodies it - in Denzel Washington. It’s a difficult performance, that, and he has perfected it to a tee.

Best Actress

Taraji P. Henson, Hidden Figures

Isabelle Huppert, Elle

Lâm Thanh Mỹ, Yellow Flowers on the Green Grass (VIE)

Ruth Negga, Loving

Emma Stone, La La Land

You’re scratching your heads on that nomination for Lâm Thanh Mỹ, I know. She gave the child performance of the year for me in a dizzying display of a range of emotions. But in the end, it’s Huppert. I sneak in Henson and Negga as well.

Best Supporting Actor

Mahershala Ali, Moonlight

Jeff Bridges, Hell or High Water

John Goodman, 10 Cloverfield Lane

Lucas Hedges, Manchester by the Sea

Issey Ogata, Silence

Did you expect anything else?

Best Supporting Actress

Viola Davis, Fences

Naomie Harris, Moonlight

Suzu Hirose, Our Little Sister

Octavia Spencer, Hidden Figures

Michelle Williams, Manchester by the Sea

See above. Yet another child actress in Suzu Hirose, gets nominated... that’s three kids getting nominations in my alternative ceremony!

Best Adapted Screenplay

Park Chan-wook, The Handmaiden (KOR)

Eric Heisserer, Arrival

Barry Jenkins and Tarell McCraney, Moonlight

Hirokazu Koreeda, Our Little Sister

August Wilson, Fences (posthumous nomination)

Really, really tempted to give this to Wilson. So I hope, wherever he is, he didn’t mind this.

Best Original Screenplay

Stephen Chow, et al., The Mermaid (CHN)

Asghar Farhadi, The Salesman

Efthimis Filippou and Yorgos Lanthimos, The Lobster

Taylor Sheridan, Hell or High Water

Makoto Shinkai, Your Name (JPN)

Best Animated Feature

Kubo and the Two Strings (Laika/Focus)

Long Way North, France/Denmark (Maybe Movies/Sacrebleu Productions)

My Life as a Zucchini, Switzerland (Gébéka Films/GKIDS)

The Red Turtle, France/Belgium/Japan (Wild Bunch/Toho Company/ Lumière/Sony Pictures Classics)

Your Name, Japan (Funimation/Toho Company)

Zootopia was the second-best Disney film of the year, and it wasn’t even among the top five animated features of the year. Little-seen Long Way North and widely-seen Your Name (everywhere except North America, apparently) are in there instead. But The Red Turtle - a true transnational effort - is the best animated feature of the year.

Best Documentary Feature

I Am Not Your Negro (Velvet Film/Magnolia Pictures)

Life, Animated (A&E/The Orchard)

O.J.: Made in America (ESPN)

13th (Netflix)

Weiner (Motto Pictures/Sundance Selects)

I have to award ESPN’s ambitious 30 for 30 entry here. And it’s easily the best of the 30 for 30 films as well.

Best Foreign Language Film

Fire at Sea, Italy

The Handmaiden, South Korea

Our Little Sister, Japan

The Salesman, Iran

Toni Erdmann, Germany

Best Cinematography

Roger Deakins, Hail, Caesar!

James Laxton, Moonlight

Rodrigo Prieto, Silence

Linus Sandgren, La La Land

Bradford Young, Arrival

Best Film Editing

Tom Cross, La La Land

John Gilbert, Hacksaw Ridge

Bret Granato, Maya Mumma, and Ben Sozanski, O.J.: Made in America

Joi McMillon and Nat Sanders, Moonlight

Blu Murray, Sully

Best Original Musical

Gary Clark, Sing Street

Justin Hurwitz, La La Land

Mark Mancina, Lin-Manuel Miranda, and Opetaia Foa’I, Moana

Best Original Musical is a category that must be activated by the Academy’s Music Branch, given that there are enough movie musical submitted for consideration. As I felt like there were enough movie musicals to warrant the activation of this category, I put these three films here (also, I wanted La La Land out of Original Score to preserve the category’s intent - to honor a film’s score, rather than its soundtrack). It has not been given under its current name; the last recipient of this award was Prince for Purple Rain (1984).

Best Original Score

John Debney, The Jungle Book

James Newton Howard, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Dario Marianelli, Kubo and the Two Strings

Laurent Perez Del Mar, The Red Turtle

John Williams, The BFG

Best Original Song

“Another Day of Sun”, music by Justin Hurwitz, lyrics by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, La La Land

“Audition (The Fools Who Dream)”, music by Justin Hurwitz, lyrics by Benj Pasek and Justin Paul, La La Land

“Drive It Like You Stole It”, composed by Gary Clark Sing Street

“How Far I’ll Go”, composed by Lin-Manuel Miranda, Moana

“No Wrong Way Home”, music by Alexis Harte and JJ Wiesler, lyrics by Alexis Harte, Pearl

Yes, I have the audacity to nominate a song from a short film in here - “No Wrong Way Home” from Pearl. And “City of Stars” shouldn’t have been nominated, despite it being the earworm.

Best Costume Design

Colleen Atwood, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Madeline Fontaine, Jackie

Mary Zophres, La La Land

Eimer Ní Mhaoldomhnaigh, Love & Friendship

Dante Ferretti, Silence

Best Makeup & Hairstyling

Daniel Phillips, Florence Foster Jenkins

Jean Ann Black and Cydney Cornell, Hail, Caesar!

Eva von Bahr and Love Larson, A Man Called Ove (SWE)

Joel Harlow and Richard Alonzo, Star Trek Beyond

Alessandro Bertolazzi, Giorgio Gregorini, and Christopher Nelson, Suicide Squad

Best Production Design

Patrice Vermette and Paul Hotte, Arrival

Jess Gonchor and Nancy Haigh, Hail, Caesar!

Ryu Seong-hie, The Handmaiden

David Wasco and Sandy Reynolds-Wasco, La La Land

Guy Hendrix Dyas and Gene Serdena, Passengers

Best Sound Editing

Sylvain Bellemare, Arrival

Wylie Stateman and Renée Tondelli, Deepwater Horizon

Robert Mackenzie and Andy Wright, Hacksaw Ridge

Christopher Scarabosio and Matthew Wood, Rogue One

Alan Robert Murray and Bub Asman, Sully

Best Sound Mixing

Bernard Gariépy Strobl and Claude La Haye, Arrival

John Midgley, Tom Johnson, and Juan Peralta, Doctor Strange

Kevin O'Connell, Andy Wright, Robert Mackenzie, and Peter Grace, Hacksaw Ridge

Andy Nelson, Ai-Ling Lee, and Steve A. Morrow, La La Land

David Parker, Christopher Scarabosio, and Stuart Wilson, Rogue One

Best Visual Effects

Craig Hammeck, Jason Snell, Jason Billington, and Burt Dalton, Deepwater Horizon

Stephane Ceretti, Richard Bluff, Vincent Cirelli, and Paul Corbould, Doctor Strange

Robert Legato, Adam Valdez, Andrew R. Jones, and Dan Lemmon, The Jungle Book

Steve Emerson, Oliver Jones, Brian McLean, and Brad Schiff, Kubo and the Two Strings

John Knoll, Mohen Leo, Hal Hickel, and Neil Corbould, Rogue One

Best Documentary Short

Extremis (Netflix)

4.1 Miles, Greece (University of California, Berkeley/The New York Times)

Joe’s Violin (Lucky Two Productions)

Watani: My Homeland (ITN Productions)

The White Helmets (Netflix)

You can read my omnibus write-up for the nominees in Best Documentary Short Film here.

Best Live Action Short

Ennemis intérieurs, France (Qualia Films)

La Femme et le TGV, Switzerland (Arbel/ Jacques à Bâle Pictures)

Silent Nights, Denmark (M&M Productions)

Sing, Hungary (Meteor-Film)

Timecode, Spain (Juanjo Giménez Peña)

You can read my omnibus write-up for the nominees in Best Live Action Short Film here.

Best Animated Short

Blind Vaysha (National Film Board of Canada)

Borrowed Time (Quorum Films)

Pear Cider and Cigarettes (Massive Swerve Studios/Passion Pictures)

Pearl (Evil Eye Pictures/Google/Passion Pictures)

Piper (Pixar/Walt Disney)

You can read my omnibus write-up for the nominees in Best Animated Short Film here.

Academy Honorary Awards: Jackie Chan, Anne V. Coates, Lynn Stalmaster, and Frederick Wiseman

MULTIPLE NOMINEES (28) Twelve: La La Land Seven: Moonlight Six: Arrival Five: Our Little Sister Four: Fences, Hacksaw Ridge, O.J.: Made in America, The Red Turtle Three: Hail, Caesar!, The Handmaiden, Hell or High Water, Kubo and the Two Strings, Rogue One, The Salesman, Silence Two: Deepwater Horizon, Doctor Strange, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Hidden Figures, The Jungle Book, Loving, Manchester by the Sea, Moana, Pearl, Sing Street, Sully, Toni Erdmann, Your Name

WINNERS 5 wins: La La Land 3 wins: Moonlight 2 wins: Fences, O.J.: Made in America 1 win: Elle, Ennemis intérieurs, 4.1 Miles, Hacksaw Ridge, The Handmaiden, Hell or High Water, Jackie, The Jungle Book, Kubo and the Two Strings, Our Little Sister, Piper The Red Turtle, Star Trek Beyond

17 winners from 25 categories. 47 feature-length films and 15 short films were represented.

#89th Academy Awards #Oscars #La La Land #Moonlight #31 Days of Oscar #Arrival #Our Little Sister #Fences #O.J.: Made in America #The Red Turtle #Hell or High Water #The Salesman #Toni Erdmann

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yes-dal456 · 7 years

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I've Broken This Mortifying Office Taboo — And I Bet I'm Not Alone

Here’s an awkward piece of personal trivia: I’ve cried at every job I’ve had. When I was navigating an endless first-job search and grabbed a coffee with my internship supervisor, I soaked an unsuspecting chocolate croissant in tides of frustrated tears. Then there was that afternoon I had a low-key cubicle weep after jamming a printer with the universe’s stickiest mailing labels and was dressed down by the angry office manager. Even in my current role, I’ve furtively re-applied a few swipes of waterproof mascara on days when the dizzying pace of digital media catches me off guard. And each time, as I’ve waited for my face to lose its post-outburst splotches, I’ve wondered exactly why these emotional moments are considered so taboo. Isn’t it a universal truth that you just can’t cry at work?

Sure, openly sobbing to colleagues on a regular basis doesn’t exactly look professional. Yet, offices are environments defined by competition and conflict. Considering the stakes — both your own success and the success of your employer — it’s bizarre to me that we’ve cast the occasional breakdown as the Kleenex-white albatross of corporate culture.

If bawling is the ultimate workplace taboo, it’s also a viscerally gendered one. While red-faced man-babies from Andy Bernard to Donald Trump justify their tantrums as the logical side-effect of their desire for power, crying is construed as the ultimate sign of weakness. Who could forget Stanley Tucci’s pitiless verdict in The Devil Wears Prada when Anne Hathaway ducks into his studio for some real talk about Miranda Priestly? “Oh Andy, you are not trying; you are whining,” he scolds. “Man up,” he’s essentially saying, because, office politics are ruled by the Trumps and the Bernards, and women need to leave their so-called “feminine” feelings at the turnstile.

Naturally, it would be impossible to meet our daily responsibilities if — most of the time — we weren’t doing our best to stay level-headed and composed. But there’s value in pushing back against this idea that work doesn’t collide, often painfully, with a deeper desire for recognition or fulfillment. After all, how could a career not be inherently caught up in the uneven, fragile nest of personality? It’s literally the thing we spend the most time doing. And as we willingly volunteer for stretch assignments, competing with co-workers to translate project wins into salary bumps, it’s hard to imagine that “professional” could ever really mean “unemotional.” In the end, isn’t there a jagged grain of truth in Michael Scott’s claim that “business is always personal”?

At the risk of soaring too close to the blissed-out platitudes of a Pinterest quotes board, or the equally vacuous rhetoric of Ivanka Trump’s awe-inspiringly tone-deaf Women Who Work, I’ve often struggled to untangle my job from my sense of identity. I’m betting I’m not alone. Millennials were brought up aspiring to knit their passions to their paychecks — the dream of professional freedom dashed by 2008’s financial crisis. We’re grappling with the overwhelming expectation to, as one syrupy corner of the Internet gushes, “be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire” while also making rent. Frankly, my eyes get a little watery just thinking about it. So if crying at work is inevitable — yet taboo — what is an ambitious young woman to do to recover after one of these embarrassing incidents?

My usual routine after an in-office meltdown is to adjust my contacts, down a massive iced-coffee, and pretend it never happened (until it happens again) — clearly, I’m no expert on the correct professional response. So I spoke with certified personal finance coach and founder of the Fiscal Femme, Ashley Feinstein Gerstley, to see if she had any tips for chipping away at the stigma. “It’s so counterintuitive, but telling yourself not to cry usually ends up making you cry more,” she says. “You’re using all your energy to hold it together, trying to defuse an awkward situation, but there’s so much built-up pressure that the tears will almost inevitably come. If emotional displays were more accepted, and you could relax a little, they might actually happen less.”

Taking some of the stress off can also create an opportunity for deepening the communication with your supervisor or colleagues. By letting go of the weird shame woven into the situation, you’ll remember that you still have the power to shape the dialogue, tissues in hand. “Women tend to over-apologize, especially at work. If you do end up getting upset, it can be helpful to excuse yourself from the situation, take a minute to get it together, and come back ready to have a more composed exchange. Don’t feel like you have to fall down the rabbit hole of saying ‘sorry’ over and over again,” Gerstley advises. “Our feelings are invested in our careers, and having a human moment with someone in the office can be spun as a positive.”

Being occasionally vulnerable has reminded me of the empathy buried in the corporate world.

Studies have confirmed that women’s workplace breakdowns often encapsulate these complex emotional layers, topped-off by the fresh humiliation of having actually let them out as a cry. Anger or frustration — instincts comfortably displayed by men literally anywhere — have always seemed off-limits to professional women striving for respect in corporate arenas. As Gerstley notes, the struggle to compress those feelings only amplifies our sense of panic, twisting already fraught encounters into a so-called “out-of-control,” tear-soaked display.

Except maybe there’s some power in crying. I’ve definitely found that breaking the taboo can lead to greater clarity with colleagues. I’ve noticed how tears have helped knead out a disconnection or problem that might otherwise have gone unresolved. Not to say that I’m sure I’ll ever fully get over the electric urge to hide those emotions, much less overcome the reflex to apologize for them. But being occasionally vulnerable has reminded me of the empathy buried in the corporate world — and, in its disarming way, located new paths for collaboration and honesty. Rather than succumbing to its stifling mortification, I’m hoping to recognize, if not celebrate, the rare office cry as a hidden chance for greater candor — the little flicker of understanding between tired, stressed-out coworkers that Andy Sacks was asking for.

No lie: My self-deprecating texts to friends about the day’s office weep will probably never contain praise hands emojis. But I’m hanging onto the essential belief that my work is worthy of a few tears. For now, I’ll leave the Kleenex nearby.

By: Rachel Selvin

-- This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.

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imreviewblog · 7 years

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I've Broken This Mortifying Office Taboo — And I Bet I'm Not Alone

Being occasionally vulnerable has reminded me of the empathy buried in the corporate world.

By: Rachel Selvin

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from Healthy Living - The Huffington Post http://bit.ly/2s61RIK

#Healthy Living - The Huffington Post

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