#i can’t pay for groceries and can’t cook therefore I don’t deserve to partake.

[icterid-rubus]

I left a huge rant in my drafts about what a horrible go of it I had lately and how terrible my mental health is, but it’s made me realize something kind of startling that’s freaked me out. I’ve stopped eating unless it’s something I’ve contributed to financially or with labor because I’m so stressed about cash.

When I went east to stay with family and help them move, I would only eat peanut butter and bread unless we had dinner together, and then I would only have one serving. My uncle felt disappointed I didn’t ever drink with them, and I explained I wanted to be a sober driver, which was true, but more than that I simply didn’t want to run up anyones tab or drink their expensive beverages, so I only had water.

And I’ve been doing that at home ever since I lost my job. Normally, I don’t eat anything except the dinner I cook for everyone. Now during quarantine I turn down offers of food and have been eating airplane snacks I stashed in my bag.

Which is all so stupid to do when I’m lucky to have a safety net such as this that is offering to feed and house me. A lot of people don’t have that. But I can’t do it. I feel sick to do it.

#i was so light headed at my cousins when lifting and moving furniture. i thought it was because I was out of shape #and I knew my eating habits were odd. I’m usually not that hungry in the morning anyway. #but quarantine made me realize what I’ve been doing. i can’t cook everyone dinner so I’m not eating #i can’t pay for groceries and can’t cook therefore I don’t deserve to partake. #which is such a sick way of thinking #i did this when I visited my brother too. he actually confront me that i wasn’t eating enough and it scared him. I told him I wasn’t hungry #during the day and only needed to eat the dinner i cooked him. but that was a lie. i was really hungry. #it never stuck me as disordered eating because I’m fat and don’t think I need to be skinny. maybe that’s why I have vitamin deficiencies. #i dont know how to stop unless I get a job #food mention #disordered eating #ask to tag #just having a rough five years.

[ebthecelebrity]

Don’t Let Mercury Retrograde Get You F*cked Up!

With the Mercury Retrograde in effect until July 31st, I have definitely been quieter. This is the dreadful time of the year where planet Mercury moves in an opposite direction to planet Earth.  Mercury is the planet associated with Communication. As a major believer in astrology, I have always been intrigued with the planets and stars and am a big believer that we are balls of energy walking on earth.  

Energy never lies.

With the retrograde miscommunication, technical errors, and angry verbal blow-ups are expected. This is the time to OBSERVE, NOT ABSORB. If you observe the energy around you, you don’t have to absorb none of it. Remember, every action doesn’t deserve a reaction.  With this being said, over the past week, I have been observant and really shaking my damn head at the things I am seeing with grown ass adults. I mean,  do I really have to write this article on etiquette?  Why yes, yes I do. Somewhere, we lost our integrity and human empathy. From childish social media posts, petty family members and high school equivalent drama at work, the retrograde’s energy is suffocating me!  It could very well be the energy bouncing off the retrograde, or it could simply be the lack of decent manners.  

I wanted to share 8 etiquette rules that I live by.  Remind you, I am only 36 years young and I have a lot to learn.  Some of these, I, too, must remember and never step outside of the lines of respect. No one is perfect. If you are over 30 years old and you have to be reminded of these, it’s time to sit down, self reflect and repair your behavior.  

1.  When dropping a friend/lover/family member off at their home, wait until they have fully unlocked their door and went inside their house before leaving.  I can’t tell you how much this bothers my spirit.  It screams, “IDGAF if you truly get home safe or not.”  A similar situation I had to learn from was when I was in my early 20s.  I dated a guy who lived in a not so great part of town.  After a night of clubbing, drinking excessively and even sexual relations, this guy would carelessly fall asleep.  I would too sometimes but then realize I had to wake up to head home as it was still dark outside. This guy would never wake up, causing me to venture outside alone.  My first pet peeve with this is if you can’ t handle your alcohol, don’t overindulge and leave your date to fend for themselves.  I would always say a silent prayer that once I walked outside to my car no one would be hiding behind some bushes to kidnap or rob me.  This behavior is inexcusable.  Always make sure your loved one is fully in the house before driving off.  I am not only discussing this as something to be aware of in bad neighborhoods, but what if that person lost their keys and their phone was dead?

2.   Please don’t talk loudly on the phone in public.   Okay, we have ALL done this. Sometimes you are knee deep into a conversation that just can’t be finished when you walk inside the store, however, to be loud and obnoxious is NOT the business.  The other day my son and I were in Food Lion picking up a few groceries.  I was strategically looking at the barbeque sauces.  Reading the back of each bottle with the goal to find the one with the least amount of artificial ingredients and no high fructose corn syrup.  Two young girls came into the store and were engaged in a phone conversation via face time with someone. “Ayeeee! It’s a hot girl summer girl! Turn up! Drink something!” I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Then, the worst happened, they strolled right down the sauce aisle where I casually stood.  The loud laughter, yelling and inappropriate conversation almost sent me over the edge. Mind you, it’s a place and a time to turn up. Hell, I still partake in a light turn up periodically.  As we age, many of us find perfect peace in the comfort of our home.  We dread leaving home to visit the grocery store, hair salon, barbershop, riding public transportation, doctor’s office, etc due to this very reason.  It’s instant anxiety.  I understand that not all public places are quiet, but it would be a lot more enjoyable if we all respected each other’s peace in any environment. PS: It’s still a hot girl summer though, but can we leave the grocery store out of it? Thanks Megan Thee Stallion J

3. Call before you stop over someone’s house.  As stated before, your home is your haven; therefore, if you see someone pop up in the driveway without a prior notice, proceed to ignore the doorbell.  Now, back in the day, this may have been common as the development of technology left room for unexpected guests.  Now in the 21stCentury, we communicate via phone or text.  You can also send a dm, type it in a status update, or email the other party.  There are too many ways to communicate a visit to show a lack of respect of popping up. The next time you even think this is a good idea, ask yourself if the other party possibly worked a long shift, has to cook dinner for their family, has extensive house chores or may be trying to find the energy to do homework with a young child.  To selfishly barge into someone’s structured day without notice, even to drop off an item cannot be tolerated.

4.  Never go to a party empty handed.  Please do not be this person!  I don’t know a single soul that is not on a budget.  Even the wealthiest of people enjoy Wendys “4 for 4” and clips coupons.  Any working, middle class individual knows that throwing any type of party can be costly. You have to brace yourself for the upcoming energy bill after your summer party for the amount of air condition that you provided the guests.  Freeloaders are not welcome in 2019 and beyond.  This shit stops TODAY!   If you know someone who does this, it’s time to take his or her name off the guest list going forward.  I sit back and am puzzled on how can people show up to an event held in the comfort of another’s home and just “show up.”   Unless the host advises you that you don’t need to bring anything,  that would be the only time to show up empty handed.  It can be as small as a bag of ice or paper cups to as large as a sheet cake or a bucket of fried chicken.  My go to is always a bottle of wine.  You can never go wrong with that.  Worst case scenario, no one drinks it and you finish the bottle yourself.

4.  If you borrow money and it took you longer than expected to pay that person back, give a little interest.  Okay, hear me out.  Many of us have loaned a close person some money and they haven’t been able to pay us back in time.  We thank God that we are able to help, but there is also that possibility that your own finances get messed up in the process. I have witnessed people getting a loan from someone who are awaiting their loan to be paid back.  It could be as little as $30, which may be the monthly Internet bill.  If we were all able to acquire a loan from major banks, we’d all be paying interest anyway.

5. Never put your phone on the table while eating a meal with a guest.  I’ve struggled with this the most. I’ve learned that sacred time is just that, SACRED.  After you’ve snap chatted a pic of your delicious plate of food, place your phone in a purse or pocket and engage. In the constant need of communication and the fast paced social media interactions, having the phone on the table screams that the phone is your guest, and not your physical one.  Taking a break off technology for some old fashioned conversation is the new wave.  As soon as the meal is over, then you can check the 56 likes and notifications you received on the pics of your crab legs.

6. Don’t try to build a romantic relationship over the text messages. Tinder, Bumble, POF, and the many other dating applications have made it very convenient to meet potential mates over the phone, but once you have had that icebreaker, what’s next?  This is a lazy approach to continue to court someone you are very interested in via text.  How would you know that you hate the way they chew without more in person interaction? I understand that sometimes many introverted people urge to date too.  Being standoffish and contacting via text message will only cause the other party to look the other way when they find someone who starts actually making plans with them. Getting to know a person takes physical contact, not sex, just physical chemistry. It’s important to see if a person’s energy matches yours.  Instead, call and say “I’m making breakfast, come by”, “ face time to ask them how their day went and analyze their facial expressions or plan a weekend date at the park to have some one on one.  Actions are proven to show great results in terms of dating and for the life of God, STOP TEXTING “WYD” !

7.  Stop asking a Black Woman if she is wearing a wig/weave.  * sigh *  The fact that I am saying this in 2019 is beyond me.  I love to change my hair up, as it gives me a sense of empowerment.  I grew up thinking my hair needed to be straightened and while there is nothing wrong with that, I have grown into acceptance of the hair that grows out of my scalp. I worked with a woman who always made a big deal about when I changed my hair. In our 9 am weekly meetings, she would broadcast to the entire staff that I have new hair.  I felt all eyes on my scalp, many wondering if it was grown out of my scalp or not.  This irritated the shit out of me. I am here to do a job, not to be discussed. Please do not ask a black woman, “Is all that your hair?”  You can be another black woman and do this, making it unacceptable. Unless that woman puts the information out there for your curiosity,  then please just don’t.  Purchasing an additional hairpiece is not anyone’s business.  A simple, “Your hair looks great!” compliment will suffice.  

8. Never, Ever, Ever, Ever, EVER tell someone they look like they gained weight! This is self explainatory.  I don’t have to go any further. Next person who tells me this, WILL get punched in the face. 

Now, this is just a few and I am confident there are many many more etiquette practices that we can live by.  If you know me personally, this is not a jab at you.  It’s simple rules to live by.  Let’s make the world a better and more caring place by practicing respect and love at all times.  Now, let me go sage my entire house and myself.  Time to meditate, pray and just observe. Happy Self Care Sunday!

#mercuryretrograde #pray #planetmercury #energy #planetearth #etiquette #mannerism #spiritual #astrology #mercury