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retphienix · 3 years

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It's been 6 years :)

On March 30th, 2015 I decided I wanted a gaming side blog. (so we're early, but shush, it's the month for me)

I didn't know what I'd use it for exactly, but I had ideas- something I always have even if most of them only get as far as daydreamin' or writing out before closing them :P

For proof on the lack of direction the blog initially had- the March 30th date is the anniversary of my first post, an in-depth and lengthy review of Dragon Warrior Monsters for the GBC.

If you know the blog then you know "Extremely long and in-depth reviews" aren't the norm around here. As a matter of fact, that first post is the ONLY one I've done!

The closest I've come to ever repeating that would be the (word of the day) Directionless video I put out on Hades to get a grip on the concept of making videos, but that wasn't nearly as much of a 'review' as that first post is.

Tangent, definitely planning on trying my hand at videos some more for the foreseeable future. Probably not gonna use the tagline Full Impressions that I tossed as a whim for the Hades video but yeah- I'm excited to try my hand at a few videos :) tangent over.

It didn't take me long to come up with what I'd like to do for the blog though :)

A few months later I liveblogged a challenge run of FFT where I used only Ramza- a solo run. - Which maybe only happened because I tried a nuzlocke run a year prior on my main account-

(Nuzlocke | FFT challenge run)

Thanks to that haphazard liveblog experiment I started to realize a couple things which became the primary motivators behind this blog.

1) I LOVE sharing experiences. No brainer, I'm sure, but being able to share my experiences, and compare them with others' experiences, and just that mutual sharing is uplifting and feels good to do.

2) Liveblogging is an EXCEPTIONAL motivator to buckle down and play all those games I said I'd play (cue everyone laughing because I'm still way behind and have an immeasurable backlog).

But I mean that, on both respects. I have plenty of motivators toward the blog today, but if I were to be concise it's pretty much "It's easier to beat games if I liveblog them- otherwise I get distracted and play other games" and "I love sharing experiences and thoughts with people about my favorite thing- games."

Since 2015 I've tackled around 70 games as full playthroughs, and an untold ton as one offs or just to ramble about for a bit.

I've had a lot of highlights over the years, and I don't talk much about it as an overall experience so I thought for the anniversary I'd try to do just that. Not everything- I can't say I have photographic memory that would bring all of it up without prompting after all :P But whatever comes to mind as I browse some of my old stuff- as well as some thoughts on what I'd like to see in the future.

It's gonna be a bit self-centric I assume as I type this preamble to it, so let me say outright that this blog wouldn't be half of what it is without all the people who've given it the time of day over the years.

From recommending games they love or appreciate, to comparing thoughts, to offering kind words for analysis I've done over the years, to pointing out when I'm dumb and misread a situation :P- to, yes, even the people who decided "Fuck this guy's ramble" and deleted my captions before reblogging my gifs way back during Hamtaro (Of COURSE I remember that! It's amusing lol).

This is better because of others, because of the interactions and the people I've gotten the chance to chat with or befriend. It's just a liveblog more or less, my own little bit of fun I toss out for myself if for anyone- so seeing others enjoy this or that from the work I put into sharing my experiences or thoughts is always a joy in itself :)

Anyway, onto selfishly rambling about some tidbits of the past :)

Also sorry but no, opted to not shove a ton of photos in, it does have a handful of links to old posts though :P

This'll be disorganized as heck as I'll add to it over time before I feel it's worth posting (or the tumblr post editor becomes a hassle and more or less forces me to).

First~

FFT Solo Ramza Challenge: Considering it was roughly the first thing this blog has done, it's also something that's stuck in my head a lot more clearly than most of the other stuff I've done to be honest lol.

In truth, this is partially because FFT is my favorite game, bar none. But it's also because the whole experience was pretty new to me. Prior to it I had really only done one self-imposed-challenge that wasn't requested by the game in some manner and that was a nuzlocke run of Blue version.

So adding a challenge to my favorite game was a fantastic experience!

Notes I just wanted to say today about that run: If anyone enjoys FFT I honestly recommend giving it a shot for the unique story it lends itself to. I do recommend skipping the rules until after the second battle but that's up to YOU to decide.

My first post on the subject is me complaining about spending 4 hours grinding out the second fight and, despite hyperbole being my natural state, that was NOT hyperbole.

It DID take 60~ restarts to beat. It DID take 4 hours. The reason is that that 2nd battle is RNG as HECK, you HAVE to have Delita do some meaningful actions, you HAVE to have the enemies miss and make poor plays, you damn near HAVE to crit a few instances to save yourself from taking too much damage.

It's a numbers game to the extreme, so I wouldn't fault anyone for 'cheating' and skipping the 2nd fight for the ruleset lol.

The memory that stands out the most for that run is actually isolated in a post in which Ramza (Purrick in this run) talks like a total badass as just ONE DUDE running into a room full of enemies. I just think on that as a great encapsulated view of what it was like. The run started off face grindingly difficult, but because FFT is a game that offers so much freedom to the player it was extremely easy to 'break' the game into making Purrick overpowered as hell.

That's something I love about some tactical RPGs, I love having the ability to play smart so that I can play stupid later on, and breaking the game into making him one shot god is certainly a good payoff for playing smart early on :P

RetQuick: I miss RetQuick, it was primarily a short experiment I did in 2015 where I'd play a game for a short span of time (REALLY short, like 10-20 minutes) and record that for the purpose of making gifs and saying a short piece on what I thought.

It's one of those formats where the purpose was pretty shallow- but had a reason. I wanted to try making some gifs with some tools that existed online, so I made an excuse to do just that.

I also wanted to play a TON of games, usually through emulation on my sister's PSP, and this let me do that.

These two minor goals came together and so I spent a while making RetQuicks which were honestly more fun to make than they had any right to be. I mean the gifs were tedious but the playing? The thought sharing? The end product ocassionally having more appeal than just a photoset? It was fun.

I'm thinking whenever I have trouble picking a game for the blog I'll revisit the format... sorta.

I already reused it for a short stint to show clips I had no plan on expanding into a playthrough, but that died as well as it was too similar to Tidbits posts (another tag I no longer really use).

My thought is to rebrand retquick as something of a tryout for what game comes next. Play a handful of my backlog games for an hour or so each and say some thoughts before saying which one I'll continue as the main game for that period of time.

Old Tag Stuff: One of those things that only sticks to me since I made the decisions but it's always funny for me to look back on my old posts because I was apprehensive as hell toward making my posts visible. The reason my early playthroughs on the My-Tags page are variants of Ret instead of just "The name of the game so people can find this post" is because I felt like a liveblog would just spam the tag to hell-

Something I don't remotely feel bad for doing anymore.

So I avoided getting any sort of spotlight for quite a while on the blog for little reason.

Why Retphienix?: This is just a dumb thought I wanted to share and I'm sure I've said before.

It stands for retro!

Yeah!

Ain't that dumb and also not a real shorthand? lol

I think I have some sort of deer in headlights anxiety towards naming things, I mean do you think I think Full Impressions is a good summation for a video? I don't. But perhaps that's overshadowed by the other inexperiences and anxiety driven decisions that had- doesn't matter.

Retphienix is Retphienix because I sat there in 2015 and thought "Well... what do I name an alt account?"

My main is Redphienix, which yes, is ALSO a terrible name AND is misspelled. But it's that because of sentimental reasons. As a kid I misspelled Redphoenix when making my gamertag (I knew how to spell Phoenix back then as well, I was too excited about xbox live and misspelled it) and it's become something of a sentimental misspelling.

So I wanted to make a mix on that for my game blog, but I had no idea what. In the end I thought "RetroPhienix? I don't know. Retphienix is closer to Redphienix. I'll do that" and so it was done.

And just like how Redphienix is both bad and misspelled but exists because of sentimental reasons- Retphienix has acquired the same 'flavor' in my eye lol.

Aspirations for the blog: I have no immediate ramp up plans or road map or whatever, and in truth I'll be happy if the blog stays just as it is forever- up until tumblr ends- I cry over lost posts- and I reopen it on another platform.

But I do have blurry half-considered daydreams that I'd like to see happen for the blog through some hard work or shifts on my part.

One is something I'm already doing kinda, hence my embarrassing means of bringing it up a lot lately. Videos- I want those. I wanna make some looks back on series people don't talk about that I enjoy, I want to make videos sharing my thoughts on games I beat for the blog (like what full impressions kinda was, but I don't think they'll have a unified name from here on out). Maybe retrospectives, but mostly when I think of making a video tied to retphienix or me in general it's me looking at a game that said something to me, and saying it louder with my own interpretations on it.

You know the kind, videos where they talk about a video game but not the whole thing- just a singular message they really heard loud and clear from it intentionally or not. I dig those and I know I end a lot of games having plenty to say that could be directed into such a format.

We'll see.

And I'm along for the ride on that one as well- currently I'm keeping my eyes on whatever is directly next, which happens to be "I plan on playing Omori, if it clicks as something to talk about I would like to take a shot at that in a video too!"

The other is that I'd like to build a small community. Wouldn't know the first thing on doing that in a modern sense, but just a little online friend group to chat with and play games together. Something that could open up multiplayer and coop experiences being better shared on the blog and would just in general expand my gaming to what it used to be back on the 360 when I had a large group to play with.

Since the 360 era ended I've pretty much closed off- stopped playing competitive games due to lack of interest- and slowed down to playing all games either solo, with randoms (and no mic usually), or with my cousin. It's a rare instance when I play with some good people like @gamesception or another friend of mine, John.

When I diverted from playing competitive games nonstop toward other genres I didn't intend to also cut out all my online gaming buds, it just kinda happened, and I never really put any effort into rectifying that.

So more or less I'd like to one day sit down and work on a discord server, and then buck up and put the leg work in to make some gamin' buds again, but that's such a vague concept anymore.

Sounds all sad and what not but it's more ambivalent, I made decisions that

changed how gaming worked for me after the 360 and this is just where it landed for better and worse- I'd just like to see if I can make it a little better :P

General things I think when I think retphienix: Honestly? I think of how much fun I've had over the years and how thankful I am to have had an outlet that encouraged me to explore more of the medium.

I REALLY love games. I went to college for games, I've written LEAGUES about games, I've played countless games, my childhood was games, my adult life is games- games games games yada yada yada.

So when I think of retphienix I think of how without it I probably wouldn't have explored a lot of the corners of gaming that I have.

I genuinely, and I mean this, might not have sat down and beaten FF7 for myself and would have considered the amount I played as a kid to be enough.

I might not have played Chrono Trigger yet, and I KNOW I wouldn't have played Chrono Cross, and I'm happy as hell to have played both of those. CT was a mind blowing moment for me that showed me just how good an RPG can be, and CC gave me miles to think of in terms of innovating an RPG and how beholden to the narrative a sequel should be (I don't feel CC should have been chrono at all lol).

I DEFINITELY wouldn't have given New Vegas another chance. And I know I'm a sourpuss on NV, I've been that way since I maxed my achievements on the 360 for it, but replaying it really did reveal to me how exceedingly negative I was being.

My memories had become "It's brown and a boring location >:(" and "The factions all suck and it doesn't do anything with the idea of bad factions >:(" and became "It's... a little brown guys, not a big fan of the area" and "They didn't do enough with exploring the gray factions" while adding "Wait. This is pretty damn fun. And 90% of the additions are stellar. And I forgot about Dead Money, my favorite dlc in any game ever with a story that tears at my heart every time I think of it, NV good actually?"

Faxanadu would have remained a cool game I saw on SSFF and not a game I played to the end and fell in love with the aesthetic feel it has!

Also that's a game I cheated like crazy on lol, I would do it again! Save state scumming games meant to be rudely difficult is only fair :P

I probably would have never sat down to play through Windwaker which was such a positive and uplifting experience that I now get the most relaxed and warm feeling in my heart when I see those blue waves.

There's so many experiences I would have left on the table in favor of like... putting more hours into a live service title or something.

Maybe, and no offense to my cousin or anyone else playing it, but maybe I'd be no-lifing World of Warcraft nonstop just stagnating my interest toward the skinner box mechanics of an MMO?

Some offense, actually but lightheartedly lol.

But beyond the entire games I've played for the blog, when I think retphienix I picture all the time making gifs, all those games I played on the PSP for short stints, buying a retron 5 to add to what I could explore and being stoked when they shipped a freebie box of old controllers to go with it, getting angry at the retron for being a Piece Of Shit lol, crying at the end of damn near every game with an emotional story because I'm a big emotional mess of a person who finds investing and crying at a story way too easy thanks to empathy pulls, oh!-

Getting excited whenever I found that I had a "*controversial*" opinion that no one would care about lol. Like the one that comes to mind is that I thoroughly believe that Dragon Ball Z II: Gekishin Freeza!! for the NES is WAY better than the fandom recognized and appreciated sequel/remake Dragon Ball Z: Legend of the Super Saiyan!

How many people do you hear talking about either game, let alone saying the NES game that is roughly half of the SNES remake is the better one :P But I stand by that! The SNES one is a remake of DBZ1 and 2 for the NES but it loses all the charm and some of the fun of the NES ones by being a lackluster SNES game!

lol

I admitted wholeheartedly that this post would be a lit-

little directionless (gotta love the new tumblr poster making me break sentences like that), but to sum things up.

It's been 6 years. It's been an untold amount of work to be honest- liveblogging a game, at least for me, hasn't been the easiest thing. It's a lot of thinking out my thoughts (heh), it's a lot of learning tools to make the capturing process possible, it's a lot of experimenting, it's a lot of writing and editing, and, well, sometimes it's just tough.

I mean I went to school for coding, not video editing, not writing, not image processing, not this or that- but this hobby has introduced a lot of things even if only at a VERY base level (I admit fully to using online alternatives to make gifs for instance).

I learned a lot about, well, a lot of things in order to use this blog to learn more about games- and all that work has become part of why I've loved all 6 years of this blog.

6 years of gaming, work, and you all- and it's been worth the investment :) Here's to many more and all of you whether you stumble upon this post or not- literally anyone who's interacted in these 6 years, thank you, and anyone who hasn't I offer you well wishes as well.

#Retphienix #gaming #video games #gaming liveblog

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blueberryrock · 4 years

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Here is the last chapter, and now we're all caught up, tomorrow will have the new chapter!

(Third pov)

"Umm log date, 126 3 56. Today marks the beginning of the third month of my pregnancy. It's been at least a couple hundred years since I have last done this, but I really need to talk to some things out."

I would talk to Yellow about this, but it'd probably poof her, and I would talk to Steven, but I don't want to dump all my problems on him, I definitely don't want to dump this on Spinel especially after all that she has been through."

Blue sighs

"So here we go. This is going to sound very very selfish, but I hate this. I hate being pregnant, I hate having to eat, I hate haveing to drink water, I hate feeling them move around inside me. I hate that whatever food that they don't like comes back up. I hate seeing Yellow, White, and Steven so happy about this when I'm not. I don't understand why can't I enjoy this."

"Why can't I enjoy the thought of feeling them moving around inside me, why can't I enjoy the thought of little gemlings running around, why can't I bare to enjoy the thought of Yellow being happy with them."

"Ah shit, I think I hear someone coming, I'll have to finish this later, umm Blue Diamond out"

"This is the continuation of log date 126 3 56, it's been one rotation since the last log and today Steven and Garnet came to visit us, I suspect they actually came for me, and not for White or Yellow."

They both seemed nervous, like they knew something that I didn't, which makes me feel even worse. However, it was very pleasant to see Steven again, whether or not he was acting suspiciously."

He invited me to go for a "stroll", I agreed and we walked around the palace, which was nice but he kept asking me how I was doing/feeling. I thought he meant physically so I said fine (which wasn't a total lie), but he kept on pressing, and I told him I was fine emotionally. Which was a lie? Maybe? I-i still can't answer that question."

But I quickly changed the subject until I dropped him off at Pink's old room (which is now Spinel's room). Then I came to my chambers and started this log continuation, so now I'm just talking to myself again, stars, I should really do something useful."

"But the further along in this nightmare called pregnancy, the less and less work I have to do. Yellow said something about it being less stressful for me and the 'babies', but with all this time on my hands, I've only been thinking about what's going to happen to me."

"When the crystal gem Pearl explained to us what happened to Pink when she was giving birth. Pearl said that as soon as steven's torso came out she disappeared in a flash without even saying a word to anyone."

"I-I don't want that, I don't even want this, I don't want to have to say goodbye, hell I don't want to fucking leave."

"But Yellow watching the gemlings develop and on the scanner is making her so happy, I don't remember when she was this happy, not even when Pink or I first emerged. Not when we learned she wasn't shattered and we found ( I think she was more relieved that the war was over than actually being happy), not even when we invited Spinel to live with us, although I think that's a close second"

"But this, I'm only doing this for her. I have to make it up to her, for all those times she was there for me when we thought we lost Pink. I have to do it even if it means sacrificing myself and if I'll never get to see her again."

"Well I have another appointment to get to, and this time Spinel is coming with us, I wonder what her reaction will be, it will definitely be better than mine."

"Blue Diamond out"

(Blue's pov)

I shut off my screen and I bang my head on my vanity, could I really go through with it? Could I really sacrifice myself? Why am I having these thoughts, this was...no is a big mistake?

I instantly perk up to the sound of my room's doors opening, I whip my head to look at the person that opened them.

"Hey Blue, we are ready to go when you are" Yellow diamond says with a smile on her face.

I try to match her happiness "yeah, umm I'm ready to go now" I push my seat back and I make my way over to the group.

This time Steven, Garnet, and Spinel is tagging along with me and Yellow to my appointment. Spinel is gleefully skipping in front of us as everyone else is going the same pace as me.

"Coome oon, can't you go any faster" Spinel whines. " Now Spinel, I am going as fast as I can" I smile at her as she groans.

We make our way to the medical wing, past the waiting area and into the same room where we first learned that I'm..pregnant.. I take a seat on the same same, pale blue, metal table.

Yellow picks up Spinel and sits down in her chair, she gently sets Spinel down in her lap.

"Ooh I'm so excited!" Spinel bounces up and down.

"Why? The medical pearl said it's going to be a normal check-up" I cross my arms in my lap.

"Well, this'll be the first time I get to see them" Spinels says with a big smile "were you just as excited and happy to see them as I was."

I open my mouth to say something but I just look down at my hands.

"I know I was" Yellow replies with just as much happiness as Spinel "I nearly cried when I saw them, even if they were just little grey blobs"

"Y-yes, I was very happy" I lie, I try to smile but it comes out as a half-smile.

"Anyways, how many little gemlings are there?" Spinel asks another question.

"Three" I answer dryly.

"Huh, I thought it was two" Spinel stops bouncing "oh well, I can't wait to see them!" She continues jumping with almost twice the amount of excitement.

I smile at her sheer silliness, the pale doors open as the small medical pearl wheels in the camera scanner.

"Wait, I thought you were going to use the regular scanner" Steven says, huh I almost forgot that he was here.

"No, every three months I will use this scanner to scan Blue Diamond" the small medical pearls pats the screen part of the scanner "and it has been three months"

The medical pearl turns to looks at me "you do remember how to do this"

I give her an unsure nod "I just lay down and phase away some of my dress?" The medical pearl nods.

I do as she needs and I get as comfortable as I can on my back, I carefully phase away the part of my dress to reveal my swelling stomach. The coldness of the room makes little bumps appear on my arms and stomach.

After the medical pearl sets up the screen, I have to help her onto my bulging belly, she then pours almost two bottles of cold gel onto me. I shiver from the cold gel and the room, it causes the tiny pearl to almost fall off.

"Sorry" I quickly apologize.

The medical pearl brushes her green hair away from her face "it's quite alright my dia-Blue Diamond"

Spinel lets out an excited squeal as the pearl starts to move the scanner around my abdomen. The screen starts making the same noise as before and I turn to look at it.

"Aww two little...well they're not little" Spinel as excitedly "and wait, I guess I was right, there is only two."

"Wait two" I say out loud "there is supposed to be three" I look at Yellow, she looks like she's about to cry.

I look back at the Pearl "what happened" I say angrily, why am I getting like this...?

"I-i don't know" the Pearl frantically tries to look for the third gemling, but she can't find it.

"Wait, I heard something like this happening with humans" Steven jumps up to get a better look at the screen.

I give him a perplexed look. "Well, sometimes if a woman has twins or triplets, one of the babies 'eats' " he makes air quotation marks "or absorbs the other baby, it's actually not as rare as people think" Steven finishes, he jumps back down and takes his seat next to Garnet.

"So, one of the...babies...ate the other one?" I ask "does that mean one of them died?"

"I really don't know Blue, I'm not an expert on this" Steven looks sadly at me "the only reason I know about it, is Connie's mom told us about women that had two babies then give birth to one"

I turn my gaze to the medical pearl, who is trying to silently pack the scanner away "does this mean I have to eat and sleep less?"

"Umm I don't know, I've never seen this, I think you should continue what you've been doing. But please contact me if you feel any different" the medical pearl finally gets the scanner ready to be put away.

"Okay" I wipe off the now warm gel on my baby bump with my sleeve, I sit back up and I look at Yellow. She still looks devastated, I wish I could cheer her up, but I'm not good at it, all I'll do is make her feel worse.

"Hey" Steven calls out, our gaze shifts onto him "were going to go back to Spinel's room, if you need to talk to anyone, I'm here" he looks at Yellow "that's goes for the both of you."

I phase on the missing part of my top and carefully slide off the table, I make my way to the empty chair next to Yellow and Spinel. As soon as I sit down, Spinel decides to move onto the floor to give us some room.

I place my hand on Yellow's, but she doesn't seem to really notice. "Yellow?" I try to get her attention, she slowly moves to look at me.

Her sad, watery, golden eyes stare into mine "what" she says miserably, she turns her gaze to hand.

"Why don't we go to my chambers and relax?" I stand up, trying to get her to move "I can start my extraction chamber and" Yellow angrily cuts me off.

"What's wrong with you?" Yellow quickly jumps to her feet.

"What's wrong with me? I didn't do anything" I raise my voice a little bit.

"Exactly, we just found out that we lost one of our gemlings. And you're just standing here unphased by it" yellow balls her fist, a small lighting arc coming from her elbow to her shoulder materializes "it's like you don't even care"

"Hey I'm just going to go now" Spinel's small voice cuts through the room.

"Me too" Yellow turns to the door, I grab her shoulder and turn her back around "Yellow i-" she cuts me off.

"I'm going to my chambers to think, don't try to send any messages to me" Yellow angrily turns away and heads out the door with Spinel.

Anger seeps through me as I follow them then turn to head straight for my chambers, I try to remain calm as I walk through the somehow crowded halls. As soon as the doors close behind me, I let out an angry groan. I summon a small white orb from my finger and throw it at the wall.

I curl my hands into fists, why couldn't I be sad? Or mad? Or something, other than feeling nothing at all?

I aggressively run a hand through my soft hair, I tear out any knots I come across. I begin to pace around my chambers, with one hand in my hair and the other one on my baby bump.

I yank my hand out of my hair, some clumps of hair is wrapped around my fingers, as I shake the hair off I summon my screen again "umm, log date 126 3 56, this will be my final continuation of this log" I stop pacing and I sit down on my bed.

"So it turns out that one of the gemlings has absorbed one of the other ones, I am now curious if that's going to have any side effects. But I doubt that I'll be able to see it if any occur"

I let out a long sigh "the reason I am finishing this is because I think I made Yellow mad, well not necessarily mad, just upset. But I don't understand what I did or didn't do"

"I would apologize but she said she needs some time to think, but I hope that she'll forgive me, but if not I still have about six months to fix my mistake."

"Stars, I don't know what's wrong with me, I should be devastated that we lost one of the gemlings. I should have tried to do more to cheer up Yellow, I should've done more to prevent whatever happened"

I lay my head in my hands "I need to fix this somehow, but I don't even know where to start, how am I supposed to fix something that started with something that I don't even want" I spit out angrily.

I lift my head out of my hands "Yellow, if somehow you find this, and I am gone, I just want you to know that I am very sorry that I put you through this and with the six months that I still have, I will try to make it up to you. No, I will make it up to you, no matter what"

"I still love you"

So im not very good at "angsty" stuff, so there is my attempt, hope y'all enjoyed it, see ya tomorrow!

#steven universe #blue diamond su #su yellow diamond #bellow diamond #fanfic #i forgot the tags again

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