#i dont know why i feel so obedient to their perception. i mean i guess i know why like probably bc of my brother pushing me into a box | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kani-miso · 16 days

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mini analysis on route 1 ch 3

@hectorthedoggo

alot of words = alot of lore drop

tw : child neglect, child abuse, murder

THIS IS SO GOOD AND AMAZING OMG MY GOODNESS 5K??? ILYSM/P

pst, as per usual

red colored words= important but not about the keyring/jackalope

bolded words=keyring/jackalope information

italic words= reusing from fic

p_1

'Her defensiveness reminded them of Jackalope, when he- wait, what did he do again? He did something bad, but…'

They stopped their thoughts before they could think something they shouldn't think.

(i think jackalope is narcissistic, here's why: narcissistic people tend to be defensive of their own opinion caused by their sense of superiority.) alright, what the hell did he do. es' sense of morality is black and white if its someone close to them (jackalope). if so, then that means jackalope did something pretty bad for es to think of that.

'They stopped their thoughts before they could think something they shouldn't think.' something makes me concerned by the way es just disregarded that memory. they're trying to make a pure and clear image for jackalope due to their closeness. victims of abuse by family members/guardians usually stay silent about their situation fearing they were responsible for the abuse they endured or that speaking up can cause physical harm to their abuser (which some victims dont want to happen).

p_2

“Humans are bad influences, of course. I shouldn’t be here right now.” Es repeated the previous thought that wasn't quite theirs.'

“Humans are bad influences, of course. I shouldn’t be here right now.” they are always teached by jackalope that they shouldn't, no, mustn't interact with any other being that is not jackalope (especially humans), why though? im guessing its a. because jackalope does not want es to find a new guardian to latch on. b. jackalope has a poor relationship with humans (john/mikoto's attack at the tower) or c. some sort of traumatic event that happened to them due to abusive human behavior which causes jackalope to become more defensive and cautious about es' safety (< previously abused theory), but with the way you write jackalope, it's very unlikely to be c., it'll probably be b. imo.

''Es repeated the previous thought that wasn't quite theirs.' aha, there it is. es' thoughts are based off of jackalopes ideals as they do not have free will. this could possibly affect the growth of their mindset and brain with irreversible changes.

p_3

'Everything about that statement was strange. Form their own opinions? That would only lead to disaster, didn’t he know that?

They didn’t remember why that was true, they just… knew.'

'Form their own opinions? That would only lead to disaster' oh!/neg. more proof of them not having any free will. from this sentence, it sounded like they have done a mistake of forming their own opinion which caused something horrible to happen. es is an obedient child so one time punishments could change their whole perception on said subject. no wonder they always follow jackalopes ideals and opinions even if they have no idea if its right or not.

'They didn’t remember why that was true, they just… knew.'' uh huh. for me, it has some parallels with the previous chapters (e.g : ch 2 'Es never really questioned the origin of the keyring, just knew that they should always have it, no matter what.'). when a naive child is told something crucial, it WILL be implanted in their mind.

p_4

'He had been nothing but nice to them, probably just because he was in a good mood right now. But what if they induced a bad mood? Es didn’t know what his bad mood would look like, but-'

'He had been nothing but nice to them-', more parallels?? (route 2 ch 3 These people had been nothing but nice to them, and this is what they traitorously thought.) i know its from a different route, but it still feels so similiar.

'-probably just because he was in a good mood right now.' ouch, the eggshell parenting is parenting/negnegneg. how much more toxic could es' relationship with jackalope??? first, he's a neglectful guardian. second, he is an eggshell parent. third, he socially isolates them. (they cling to him, like he's their savior, yet they're scared of him, like he's a monster.)

'But what if they induced a bad mood? Es didn’t know what his bad mood would look like, but-' omg, the survival instinct is instincting. when children are in unsafe enviroments, they tend to recognize the daily patterns of their predator/abuser, such as: their footsteps (if there are multiple predators), sleep schedule, and their emotions based off of physical appearance. since es only knew shidou for like, less then 2 days, they cant read what his emotions are since they're yet to recognize his patterns.

p_5

It was more of a question. The color was all over their overly formal clothes, so maybe? They preferred the slightly different shade that made up the tie around their waist.

'Hm… Jackalope didn’t give that to them, did he? It didn’t exactly match their uniform, and it was a little off-color. Who gave-

One of the keys around their neck warmed up in recognition of the thought.

They decided that it was time to stop thinking about that topic. They didn’t want to remember it.'

'Hm… Jackalope didn’t give that to them, did he? It didn’t exactly match their uniform, and it was a little off-color. Who gave-' what.. i think i have a theory for this. lets start with

'who gave this to them?' : i suspect it might be from their past abusers

'what's the purpose of it?' : the tie on their waist is tied into a knot. many cultures including japan use knots to symbolize unity. es and their past abuser will always be tied into a knot together because no matter where they go, the abuse stays. it either continues from another person, or the previous scars of abuse never heal (both physically and mentally)

'the tie has 2 ends, what's the meaning?' : the number 2 usually symbolize the duality of two subjects, the ones that are important to note are : yes/no, true/false, and yin/yang. yes/no, true/false are self explanatory, yin/yang on the other hand. 'yin' represents coldness and darkness (< es' uniform overall colorscheme is cold representing yin, mind you this is give by jackalope). and 'yang' represents light and warmth (< es' tie on their waist is a warm color, this is given by their past abusers). i wonder if this is implying that es still cares and resonate warmth from their past abusers and feels coldness and a sense of darkness when getting taken care of by jackalope..(no wonder pain is nostalgic for them) also, in japan, 二 (ni). It represents creation, time (past, present, and future)

'why does the end of their tie look like a teru teru bozu?' : a teru teru bozu is a traditional japanese talisman used to bring good weathers and to stop or prevent rainy days. rain is essential when growing crops, so it symbolizes the growth of a new family (found family and biological). the fact that they are using a teru teru bozu that prevents rain implies that they are being held back in finding a "new family" :(.

'One of the keys around their neck warmed up in recognition of the thought.' woah okay were getting there.. usually the keyring gets warmer because of the mention of jackalope, mind you, the WHOLE keyring. then, when a past abuser is mentioned only one of their keys get warmer. jackalope can be taken as the embodiment of all of the abusers, down to the manipulation, neglect, physical abuse (?), emotional abuse, and domestic abuse.

'They decided that it was time to stop thinking about that topic. They didn’t want to remember it.' this has become the fugue es™ movement omg. i dont remember how many times they did this but its definitely more than 3 times.

p_6

'Their feelings were taken into account; that was new. Es took a second to consider the choice

He patiently waited for them to make a choice, which was another foreign action.'

'Their feelings were taken into account; that was new.' 'He patiently waited for them to make a choice, which was another foreign action.' ARE YOU KIDDING ME IM GONNA CRY IN THE CORNER. more of the 'victim falls to good hands and is confused' type of thing. i guess this implies that jackalope is also very impatient, this idea clashes with the canon autistic es here. people with autism needs others to be patient due to their different mind set and thinking pattern with neurotypicals. its really bad if you force a person with autism to be quicker because that could overstimulate them. (again, im not good with these topics so correct me if anything bothers you)

p_7

'This line of thought was getting dangerous, but Es lingered on it for a bit before trying to shut it down. Jackalope wouldn’t like them thinking like this.

However, their traitorous emotions still supplied a craving for a different life. Some teens about their age passed by, laughing with some ice cream, something Es never remembered tasting.

Would they have been with those teens, in another-

Get back to the tower. Get back to the tower. Get back to the tower. Get back-

A sharp pain shot through their head, and they let out a little whine. Of course this would happen, they thought too much, after all.'

'Jackalope wouldn’t like them thinking like this.' everytime they think of something, they will always prioritize jackalopes feeling first.. even if its something they want, something they crave, something they NEED.

'Would they have been with those teens, in another-' no, no they wouldn't. if they were never taken by jackalope, they'll never escape from the hell hole of abuse (if the theory's true). when they were taken by jackalope, they have no other choice but stay in the tower for eternity. both choices are a lose lose.

'Get back to the tower. Get back to the tower. Get back to the tower. Get back-' the more i read it, the more it doesnt feel like es' thoughts. especially from the previous chapters and other routes, everytime it (e.g. they should always have it, no matter what. 'But, they decided to think about it, idiotically, so their head started throbbing. They let out a little pained yelp.')' they should always have it, no matter what,' that sounds like jackalopes orders, same thing with 'get back to the tower'.

A sharp pain shot through their head, and they let out a little whine. Of course this would happen, they thought too much, after all.' also, im kinda doubting that the reason they feel the sharp pain is because of overthinking, it feels like jackalope is controlling their mind during those moments and when he's done possessing them, they'll feel pain.

p_8

'They didn’t deserve to be forgiven like this. They were having bad thoughts, thoughts that Jackalope wouldn’t like, so Shidou should hate them, too. He assessed their pathetic state, then reassured in a calming voice. “It’s alright.”

How come his expression showed no hints of anger? His voice was nothing but gentle, no annoyance hidden by his concern.

p_9

Guilt clogged up their throat. So, he must not have noticed their bad thoughts. That was the only justification for why he wasn’t mad.'

'They didn’t deserve to be forgiven like this.' oh, abuse victims usually feel a sense of burdening others and feeling guilty about it (omg forgiven and guilty milgram reff/j)

'thoughts that Jackalope wouldn’t like, so Shidou should hate them, too.' due to jackalope being the only living being es knew from the very start of their life (from waking up of the coma-ish state) they thought all adults would act the same just like jackalope. also, just because they had bad thoughts jackalope hated them? wow im gonna burn him 🌹

'How come his expression showed no hints of anger?' dont tell me jackalope also gives them the sarcastic smile treatment. even below his smile, they can feel the anger in him (because of the emotion pattern recognition)

'So, he must not have noticed their bad thoughts. That was the only justification for why he wasn’t mad.' the fact that they only think he didnt get mad was because he didn't feel their aura makes me sick. maybe they've gotten away with their bad thoughts once for them to think this is the only justifiable reason (or not)

'How did he know they were scared that he was mad at them?'

istg shidou is a mind reader you cant convince me otherwise or maybe its just because of es' obvious vulnerable state that makes them look like a pathetic scared child (just like the past)

p_10

'Jackalope usually didn’t cook his meat that much but did cook it some so that it was edible. Es preferred it cooked.

IM SORRY DOES JACKALOPE SOMETIME FEED THEM RAW MEAT??? i swear the neglect gets crazier from chapter to chapter. '-but did cook it some so that it was edible.' key word: some. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, SOME?? he is giving them the bare minimum, the only one essential for living.

p_11

She growled, “I’m sorry, I guess. You showed clear signs of neglect, I had to get you away from that place! But here-”

“There’s no way I’m going back to your cave! I’m staying with these people!”

“These people are dangerous!”

“How? Is it some sort of wild assumption that you made?”

She took a breath, and with a face and voice full of hatred, she said,

“Of course they’re dangerous.

They’re murderers, Es.”'

thank you for reading this, have a reward

WHAT

'You showed clear signs of neglect, I had to get you away from that place!' she was the only one who knew.. im crying

“Of course they’re dangerous. They’re murderers, Es.”' omg ARE YOU KIDDING ME THEY WILL NEVER TRUST A SINGLE HUMAN BEING EVER AGAIN, NOT EVEN KOTOKO.

me(es) when reading this chapter

(did not proof read lol)

#milgram #milgram project #milgram es #es milgram #fugue au #alternate universe #au #analysis #fugue au analysis #fugue es #fugue jackalope #tw: child neglect #tw: child abuse #tw: murder

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lilietsblog · 7 years

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sailor moon liveblog episode 20 (I skipped 19 because im too tired for that shit right now)

omg omg i think the next episode is The One That Had Nothing To Do With The Main Plot

and that's the most beautiful thing that exists

particularly in context of my ongoing analysis effort of Everything Usagi

tsuki no hikari ni michibikare~

I will forever love Usagi's enthusiasm in the opening when she says 'I don't look like a superheroine, but I am!' (but no child you do look like one you're the defining superheroine of my childhood)

Ami's summer outfit is the best actually I love all of their summer outfits but Ami is just special oh right its the weird one week summer holidays or something? how it works in Japan?

Usagi is dreaming of being tan and I can't help but note that I like this particular beauty standard

Usagi omfg got very distracted no but seriously why is everyone so shitty to her they just. leave her behind as she's lost in her dreams im the slow autistic (tm) and i tend to space out and lose track of what's happening and i have been hiking since i was 5yo and listen. trailing behind everyone trying to catch up is my worst nightmare. when everyone stops to rest and let you catch up but when you, going at your top speed, exhausted, arrive, is exactly when everyone else, refreshed and rejuvenated, stands up and goes on

like i should probably not project my feet issues on Usagi (SURPRISE IT TURNS OUT MY WHINING ABOUT MY LEGS HURTING WAS NOT IN FACT ABOUT THE SAME SHIT EVERYONE ELSE WAS GOING THROUGH AND MY MOM HAD NO IDEA)

but goddammit STOP LEAVING MY GIRL BEHIND YOU FUCKS YOU DON'T DESERVE HER

honestly 99% of my feelings towards Usagi are bitter bitterness towards everyone around her except like. Naru

aww Usagi so tired she's lost any and all control whatsoever sniping at Rei, screaming at the sight of a little kid she does not atually normally complain this much this is no-filter tired!Usagi

also Ami is the sweetest creature known to men 'are the flowers okay?'

these creatures are genuinely spooky it's kind of interesting to analyze how Ami and Rei aren't reacting to their appearance at all while Usagi is freaking out this is the Weirdness Filter - when people just assume that the weird thing has a perfectly ordinary explanation and anyway if it doesn't affect them it might as well be ordinary either way

also I love how Ami immediately picks up on the fact the girl is being treated badly

Rei is too distracted by Usagi, Usagi is too distracted by EVERYTHING IS SCARY

and here's Luna chiding Usagi for making a commotion

you know when I was a kid I thought of myself as being a bad student and lazy. I got nearly all perfect marks and the only person who was better than me was my best friend but all I could think was 'i am worse than her' bc my mom was ~in a very bad place~ at the time and more or less did nothing but criticize and tear me down for everything that went the least bit wrong

I think back to my kid years and I just feel so weirded out by all the self esteem I was missing back then. like I'm sorry but I was kind of awesome??? and like. the only person who would tell me that was my grandma who lives in a different fucking country and visits twice a year. her praise did not exactly impact my daily life much

my point is FUCK OFF LUNA USAGI IS GREAT AND PERCEPTIVE

she is freaking out because she is paying attention okay

poor kid

omfg Rei 'it's incredibly cheap!' why do you think

'costumes of the employees' see this is what im talking about Usagi is perceptive enough to understand it's not costumes Rei is I guess perceptive enough to know they aren't a threat regardless? but she doesnt comfort Usagi either beacuse OF COURSE WHY WOULD ANYONE COMFORT USAGI EVER

aaaAAAAAAAAA I WANT SUMMER BEACH AND WAVES SO MUCH I LOVE BEACH SO MUCH also hee Usagi still has her bow-decorated swimsuit <3

also Usagi had failed to quite grasp what 'private beach' means XD

Usagi is really wise like normally I'm against snatching books from people but Usagi is very right

also oh my god Rei "Usagi is for once saying something reasonable" more like "for once I take a break from tearing down Usagi for long enough to notice that things she's always saying are actually Not Wrong"

man I hate this kind of "you doing not bad is an unexpected exception" verbal abuse shit so much

also girls why do you think knocking over Usagi is fun??? jfc she's the designated punching bag of the group wtf

this is the kind of fun where you end up feeling like 'wow that sure was a normal teenage thing that just happened to me! i totally fit in! they laughed and there were no freakouts so clearly that was Fun(tm)'

Usagi is really good at seeing the best in situations and loving her friends selflessly but holy shit she's being put through so much fuckery

I absolutely love that this anime just kinda casually includes a werewolf, a frankenstein's monster and a vague monster creature in one episode without them being either explained or ever brought up again

hm so here's Rei and Ami independently stumbling across some secrets how bout my Usa-chan

man Ami knows all about recognizing loneliness doesn't she ...makes me wonder how her parents treat her. i dont think her family is ever featured ever and i also dont think its for no reason

AND AMI'S SOLUTION FOR LONELINESS IS FOR EVERYONE TO BEFRIEND USAGI GOD BLESS HER CLUELESS BUT APPRECIATIVE HEART the one person who realizes how much emotional labor Usagi's ready&willing to do for anyone ever

this guy is such a good portrayal of an abusive parent. hes technically doing all the parent things, never going more than /slightly/ over the edge, so if the girl complained to anyone it would never sound like anything really bad was happening to her. he sounds so reasonable and caring and his selfish motivations are so obvious

so hey theres Usagi literally stumbling upon something scary omfg Rei are you seriously that oblivious 'normal human beings' omg well hey at least she feels the kid psychic

ahh!!! Ami busts in to protect the kid!!! oh hey the point where the girl has had enough <3

what I wanna note here is that Usagi and Rei's roles here are 'the person who actually gets what's going on and resonates emotionally with the locals' and 'the clueless sceptic outsider' also that when terrified out of her fucking mind Usagi still obediently pulls out her moon stick sailor soldier indeed there is nothing about this that is fair to her but she manages still

Usagi is the one of the girls whose life became only worse since Luna came and I'm not going to stop reiterating that

and her father is capable of /some/ actual caring he's not black and white but his actions are and it's very well done

I kind of wish the senshi could do more to help, I vaguely dislike the idea of their powers /only/ being useful to combat their Designated Foes

Rei and Ami picking on Usagi is genuinely actually really not fun even if Usagi's capable of making the best out of it

#tsukino usagi #sailor moon #its not funny! not funny! not funny!#yes i project unashamedly and im not going to stop #liliet rewatches sailor moon

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