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ambitionsource · 3 years

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hi can we get some zaley friendship headcanons whenever you're free? ☺️

im not the best at headcanons just bc of the way my brain functions but im gonna do my best for you, sunny my friend. let’s go zay and riley let’s go!

thrift shop buddies!! one of the most common ways that they hang out is definitely going thrifting. considering they arguably have the two most eclectic wardrobes on the show, this makes sense. esp i fully believe they’re the perfect people to thrift shop with where they encourage each other to try on everything, even if it seems outlandish (and sometimes even more in those moments). that’s the only way to really get some good finds! and i feel like, beyond S1, when they wear items for performances in the show that are clearly unique / seem thrifted, it’s more than 50% likely the other helped them pick it out at some point

on this note, i think that they both have really good senses of what looks good on the other bc they spend this time together, probably better than anyone else (yes, including their significant others. not that that’s hard, since both of their significant others have notoriously bland fashion). like even when theyre not out together i can totally imagine them seeing something and being like “oh this is so riley / zay” and getting it for each other. they know each other’s sizes and have like an ongoing swap credit system gfJSKHJDLFH

riley and zay usually run performance by the other person before they perform them for the class / at an audition. like they find a specific time (usually during breakout sessions during class) to get in front of the other person and run them through their concept + do a run-through for them. they just really appreciate the other’s perspective, especially since they tend to complement each other -- zay is able to identify places where riley could heighten things or add some flair or just like... assert her talent more lmao, whereas riley helps zay pull back on some of his more overwhelming instincts when necessary or find the moments to truly lean in emotionally rather than blowing us out of the water the whole time

if we could actually Watch the show, i guarantee 9/10 times when riley or zay is performing, we would cut to the other enjoying the performance. like theyre always bobbing their head along and truly feelin the other’s performances. excellent vibes luv!

i also think they harmonize well with each other, which is why its kind of a shame they dont do more performances together within the context of assignments (as for why, couldn’t tell you... it might just be a weird psychological thing of like i have These people i perform with when it matters and these who are just for fun... like maybe zay and riley tend to see each other as easygoing comfortable duet partners and thats why they try not to overdo putting pressure on it). but yeah they absolutely have days where they just hang out in one of the rehearsal studios and play around on the piano and try to find ways to harmonize on their favorite songs. this is some of the best singing riley ever does, bc its so low stakes and fun

i also think that honestly, zay really helps strengthen riley’s vocals over the time they’re friends -- especially early on. riley is someone with good raw talent but she’s never thought about honing it seriously prior to joining aaa, whereas zay has been on a career mindset since he was little. so he is good at teaching her like small technique things or helping her expand her range and she really values that esp bc hes so selfless about giving it, but it doesnt come off naggy or unnecessary like maya’s advice often does

sometimes it can be hard for them to find songs they both wanna sing though bc their music taste is so different. i think they have like three small categories where their favorites overlap -- select big names (sza, chloe x halle), jazz / old-time crooners (frank sinatra, nina simone, and the like), and select musical theater. but i think this is mainly on zay, bc he’s much more picky about music than riley who will give anything a listen without much nudging. as we know zay likes to pick on his friends’ music taste (like charlie and harry styles / 1d) and i don’t think riley would escape this affectionate teasing. they exchange song recs and riley gives him like her usual piano ballad-y sara bareilles tswift rachael yamagata energy and shes like oh yes, another piano ballad and hes like STOP!!! JUST LISTEEEENNNN GFSJKLHJFDSKLHKDLFH

that said though, they’re definitely go-to friends when it comes to like checking out a new local artist or coffeeshop open mic nights. this is probably a typical zay / riley / yindra outing

zay doesn’t spend a ton of time watching tv bc “he has better things to do with his time,” but riley and zay are definitely the type to watch a show together. like not always Together, but they’ll try to keep up with each other so that they can talk about it (and riley has to try really hard not to keep binging and get way ahead of zay). theyre good at this bc they can have really intense and opinionated conversations about it but in a way where its like safe and neither of them feel like theyre actually being judged / are stupid if they disagree (something thats not common for riley, and zay usually is trying to discuss media with super strong personalities who aren’t great at Debating).

in general, though, they tend to agree on favorite characters / relationships. for example, they both hate rachel berry -- which always gets maya and farkle extremely heated if they’re around. i can only imagine why...

they’re also definitely safe-space vent people for each other. they don’t use the privilege all that often bc i think both of them try to like keep their cool and not get hung up about things, but if they really just have to pop off about something they know they can go to the other person and they’ll actually Listen and keep it under wraps rather than either spilling it to everyone else and/or immediately trying to problem solve rather than just listening to the Emotions. and it’s helpful bc for the most part, their friends don’t actually really overlap that much, so they don’t really like harbor the emotions the other person unloads on them or let it affect their dynamics with other people? like riley can talk about dasher and zay can talk about yingel without it having any ripple consequences bc theyre different circles.

for example, i can totally see riley talking to zay about how she feels like -- at first -- asher doesn’t really like her and won’t really let her in and like he doesn’t want her to join the friend group (even tho that isn’t really true). like she can’t talk to dylan about it bc she’s not going to put him in that position and she’s not foolish enough to think that’s a good idea, she can’t talk to lucas about it bc he like doesn’t get stuff like that gFJKHGLFJSDLH and also he has such a set impression of asher it would be hard for him to understand it from her perspective. zay has none of that, so hes a good person to listen to her nerves about it.

the only times this gets kind of complicated / janky is in the midst of zay x charlie stuff where riley is kind of unintentionally (or, sometimes, intentionally) in the middle. like, zay trusts her not to go telling charlie what he says about him, but he knows they’re good friends too, and its an awkward position to put her in. but still, i think when zay is really hurt or frustrated he’ll snap sometimes and just vent out all his anger about charlie to riley in one foul swoop, and she’ll just absorb it like a sponge without judgment and then not bring it up again. but you can also see little ways where this puts pressure on their friendship, like how when he was drunk in 304 zay expressed resentment towards the fact that riley also talks to charlie and sometimes he feels like she puts him first, even though that isn’t true. it’s just..... a very very complicated (and interesting, if emotional) situation with that trio.

that being said, when things are Good, i think that zay feels comfortable talking about his significant others (including charlie) with riley. he doesn’t really get too Detailed about anything personal or anything, but they definitely discussed charlie in s2 in the small window of time where riley knew and zc wasn’t actively imploding LMAO. on the flip side, riley doesn’t really talk to zay about her relationships, but only bc her relationship is lucas GJFSKLJHLKDJHFLDSH. like anyone else she’d be like okay sure this is fine but she knows zay finds lucas annoying 65% of the time and talking about him in a romantic context grosses him out so she respects that LMAOOOO. hysterical

in general, if they’re gonna hang out, they usually go to either a local coffee shop they like (like svorskis) or each other’s houses. its kind of a relief to have a person they can just take anywhere and have around their parents with no trouble at all, considering both of them are used to having a boyfriend who cant be seen in their house (for different reasons). and theyre comfortable enough that like i think when they hang out at their houses, they just spread out in the living area of both bc theyre not hiding anything, its like very lowkey and comfortable

that being said, riley doesnt spend much time in zay’s usual studio at school. most people don’t, its a place zay now likes to be alone (and it feels weird with someone else being there who isnt charlie)

as for how they come off to their families, the babineauxs love riley. jada has met her a couple of times and thinks she’s super sweet + zay could afford to learn a thing or two from her like how to chill the fuck out (cue zay going shut the fuck up). donna is excited that zay has another friend who isn’t batshit intense about stuff like maya / farkle, she figures yindra has the diva best friend role covered and zay needs more friends like nigel and riley to ground him. she’s right about this.

cory likes zay, but he also does have some prejudices from the teaching perspective about how zay doesn’t pay attention in class half the time and blows off his assignments -- but this isn’t partially because cory isn’t a great teacher and his assignments suck. so the feeling is mutual, tho zay gets along better with cory in a neutral, polite sense than say, asher and dylan, where it’s like guerilla psychological warfare. topanga has no opinion about zay bc riley doesn’t introduce her friends to her (wisely).

they’re still very common lunch buddies. essentially when riley isn’t eating with the techies (which is only when lucas is there usually) or bothering lucas in the booth once a week, she’s with zay (which usually also means nigel, yindra, and farkle, though not always)

ultimately, i think that when someone asks riley who her best friend is, her mind will always jump to zay first. not even because theyre necessarily the closest at any given time, but because he really was her first life raft at aaa and he extended that kindness to her in a moment where she was so used to being brushed aside, talked over, ridiculed -- and you don’t forget that. it stays with you. so when she thinks about her Best Friend, speed round answer, he will always come to mind first. i think she greatly admires his skillful balance of confidence and compassion, his sarcastic sense of humor, the way he gets so passionate about dance and music and how these elements come together, and his inarguable kindness that is at his core and so fundamental to everything he does (even when his more known reputation is a bit more barbed and witty).

on the flip side, i think riley came into zay’s life at the exact moment he needed it. we know he felt isolated in s1, and even though i think he thinks of nigel and yindra as his first-to-mind best friends, riley was a breath of fresh air who allowed him to be himself with someone who wasnt going to judge him on past decisions or impressions. just like he gave her the chance to define herself in his eyes with his extension of company on that first day, she does the same for him by not making assumptions about him and learning who he is on their terms. i think she’s also just a really great, measured system of support -- she’s not busting his balls or keeping him in check like yindra and nigel do (except when its really needed, like 304), but she isn’t as in awe / romanticized with him like charlie. i think he appreciates that he can go to her for an honest perspective, but she’ll take the care to deliver that honesty in a gentle way. it’s like, he’s tough enough to take a hit, but sometimes its nice to know you have someone who will be kind with you even then.

that’s what is at the core of their friendship overall. kindness.

-- Maggie

#amarakaran #ask and you shall receive #zay x riley #riley matthews #zay babineaux #aaa supplementaries #love them... i do

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miaxeu · 4 years

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though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, MIA STOEGER is actually a descendent of DIONYSUS. it’s still a question of whether or not the TWENTY-ONE year old MYTHOLOGICAL STUDIES MAJOR from LOS ANGELES, USA has taken after HER godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite CHARISMATIC & DUPLICITOUS.

( y’all dont deserve this real messy intro but im workin w half a bwain cell at 4am so i beg thee 4 mercy. nywyy im the excited new girl who’s hella pumped to meet all ur charas : katya ! feel free to hop in my ims to plot or drop a like and i’ll hop in urs ! x )

POWERS

natural acting abilities — her ma’s a hollywoo agent so she started actin real early & now shes a big shot actress. there r more deetz on her career below !

chlorokinesis — it wasnt as natural as acting n she only started working on it when she turned 13 n started going to camps. b4 she just noticed shes good w plants but it wasnt super crazy or nything. its p good now tho ! shes prioritizing vine binding and manipulation 4 the self defense bc awards r cool n all but they dont rlly protecc from monsters ykwim

levitation — shes trying her best ur honor

alcokinesis — she cant conjure it or anything, she’s just immune to it ffff

BIO POINTS — cw: drug use ( full biography here )

her mom raised her by herself bc dionysus the party god was out of the picture immediately. she never told mia she’s a demigod & it was always just “ wow ur so talented ” or “ aww u got a green thumb ! ” but when she saw him claim 13 y/o mia by placing a weird hologram over her head while she slept, she knew she had to spill da beanz & tell her kid

ofc mia thought her mom was jus playing sum weird acting exercise w her bc her powers r so lowkey she could highkey just be a Mortal but insert sad whistle, the realizashun & the claiming meant heightened monster threat !! so yea ,,, one ended up chasing her a couple days later rip

aside from the trauma, mia was ok. mostly bc she ended up cryin for dionysus like any child would n lo & behold he came & helped !!! as he should. nywy she made sure to go to summer camps every year after that but mostly just for protection purposes

she lowkey rlly hates this whole god business esp now that shes grown lmfao deadass thinks she got a bad deal bc life threats arent sexy !!! went to eonia eventually bc its Too Much Man. she just wants to go back to work and her life w the mortals w/o worryin for her life. would deadass fade her father if she could. may or may not be majoring in greek mythology to figure out the logistics of it all out of spite, who knows !

PERSONALITY

not ! a Drama Queen — dont get me wrong, shes hella Extra in the way she moves n acts sorta like shes always bein captured on film. is quick-witted & playful & can be a huge tease/flirt if she feels like it, but miss her w Real Feelings ! totally not sentimental. srsly she will try to rationalize away everything and is just,.,., not good w it. so soz folks, we just keepin it breezy here

ugh, she’s an Actress — aka she can act like she cares tho ! shes very much into keeping ppl on her good side. shes friendly n palatable to everyone bc its how shes been trained & while it doesnt seem fake, its def diff when its genuine

The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known — lemme circle back to the first one, ok so shes good w emotions but only in theory. does intense character work with her roles so she thinks that counts as her having eq when rlly shes just emotionally stunted, projecting n repressing like an idiot

blonde, skinny, rich, & a lil bit of a Bitch — shes only a bitch inwardly or to ppl she trusts enuff to let in on the gossip. if anyone full on opposes her or becomes real emotional, then this lil diva will rear its superiority complex head n snap a lil. will most probably do it v underhandedly n w a smile but it will be Brutal

girls just wanna have FUN ! — shes the child of da party god, so ofc she a true party girl. officially off the rails when she parties. inhibitions ? we dk her. can be insensitive in that case bc smtms its truly no strings attached, tis all abt the fun. likes company a lot & it doesnt even have 2 be loud or particularly abt her, she just likes having people around n the escapism of it all. will make friends with everyone n make sure they have a jolly fun time guaranteed at dionysus parties

Work Hard, Play Hard — real responsible when it comes to work and commitments and if she trusts/likes u enough, she’ll give it 2 u straight, no bs. def thinks Calling Out is an act of love but maybe does it a lil too harshly smtms. v much into efficiency, sentiments be damned. not the feely words type. will sit next to u or party w u or even pay 4 ur therapist if u need sum1 to talk to. she will Be There while u work thru it, so long as u dont expect her to change n be all emotional n stuff

if she seems a lil contradictory thats bc she kinda is. tis the good ol nurture vs nature. her ma’s a real no nonsense chick n her pops is a frat guy drama geek greek god whos rlly into cottagecore so u get this lil blonde bitch whos sorta teetering on the edges

OTHER INFO — cw: drug use ( full headcanons here )

re her career, she achieved pegot status when she was 18 aka she truly b dat bitch. shes not super mainstream famous tho, more like indie sweetheart, film snobs/critics fave typa gal. if ya want a trajectory she started w baby commercials then a sitcom from 4-10 ( think modern fam’s lily ) then it was off to the big screen & the stage !

mia has a lil bit of a drug habit. its not abusive or dependent, but it is a staple whenever shes parties bc alcohol is useless 2 her. started a lil young too bc hollywoo. primarily uppers/hallucinogens. she smokes weed a lil more liberally but the rest is mostly just an on occasion thing ( which, ngl, is a still a lil problematic when u party a lot rip )

after she got claimed, mia ended up going to demigod camps in a lot of diff places n countries, depending on where production would take her. there was never an established place, more like wherever was nearest when they wrapped up shooting bc monsters afoot n wutnot

she was always homeschooled but she still managed to go to a prom and homecoming bc party is life. that makes eonia uni p much her first chance at having a normal educational environment & experience and even then its anything but. still tho this is her moment !!! im lit rally begging her to get a personality that isnt her internally rolling her eyes going “ its not that deep ”

might put up a bio/stats page if im feelin sxc but i wud jus like the records to show that mia stoeger is a bi sxc babe bc me ? write a het ? no grassy ass.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS — cw: drug use ( full connections here )

omg danny devito i love ur work !

,,, p self explanatory sdkjfs sum1 who loves her work ! it can be lowkey/highkey fangirl to a civil admiration

OR alternatively, y/m can Not Be a fan of her work. they might think the storyline of the projects she takes on r too out of touch n highbrow yada yada yada, but yes, we love to see either of it !

summer camp sweetheart !

someone she met when at camp when they were teens ? doesnt matter in what country/city, but mia was only visiting so it was truly a one summer romance typa thing. bc she was younger, im thinkin 13-17 or w/e she was probably sweeter n a lot more emotional then. was it either’s first puppy love ? first kiss ? first “ relationship ? ” idk, do yk ? truly, so many possibilities. nothin set in stone just hmu bub

summer camp pals !

p much the same as above but make it Platonic

party buddies !

or druggie pals. either way works but she wud luv it if theyre both xoxo

friends w benefits !

most probably ( but not limited to ) sum1 she met at a party skdjhsjk is it exclusive ? is any1 starting to develop feelings ? im down 4 nthing n evrything

alexa play true friend by hannah montana !

give mia her college bestie ! her confidant who knows her feels and can call each other out viciously with no ounce of resentment. we stan the friendships !

omg i love ur skirt !

that is the ugliest effing skirt i've ever seen. lmao basically sum1 mia pretends to like or acts civil w but rlly ,,,, Cannot Stand for w/e rzn

im p much braindead rn but those are just sum ideas !!! ofc the usual staples like the pals, enemies, wutnots are also v welcome we love to see it. if u also have a wc that u think mia would fit in, id luv to know more ! there are also a couple more detailed ones here, but pls feel free to shoot me a msg n we can get 2 plotting x

( * wipes brow * how did i type so much n say so little rip. mia is also a completely new muse so pls b patient n if i fuq up from time to time, pretend u do not see >.< nywy thnx 4 readin, sweets ! feel free to hmu here or at discord if ya wanna <3333 )

FULL INFO || EONIA TASKS

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alexanderpusheen · 3 years

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i have some feelings about how people treat age (i am thirty for complete transparency) and its ~nuanced~ but not really as nuanced as people think it is? these are my perspectives as a 30 year old survivor and educator. this is kind of rambly and doesnt have a conclusion, i just wanted to get it out of my head.

lets talk maturity like adults, especially those over the age of 21, have enough experience to know that their feelings and mindsets are vastly different than that of someone who is 15, 16, or even 17 or 18. i still remember what it felt like to be 12, i still remember what it felt like to be 15, and i still remember what it felt like to be 17, 20, 25...and honestly i wouldnt go back lmao. im MUCH more mature today than i was then.

the older you are the more life experience you have to know what is and isnt right. you learn how to deal with people simply because youve had more time to do so. in that sense, the older an adult is, the more of an ‘edge’ theyre going to have over a minor. so you can never have an equal relationship because you just know too much.

on the other hand, i think theres this stigma against older people that goes beyond looking out for childrens well beings and goes right into ageism. i have this theory that most people have no idea what a 30 year old is supposed to look like. most people assume im in my early 20s for a bunch of reasons...either its my looks or my interests or whatever but i think there is this narrative that someone over the age of 30 must be married, popping out children, buying a house, working on their career, and definitely not doing silly things on the internet. 30 year olds are ‘serious.’ ‘mature.’ something that simply does not apply to me as a personality trait, but because time has passed i have to BECOME another person....i dont get that.

in my professional life i have a lot of contact with teenagers. i talk to my teenage students like theyre adults because i dont think theyre idiots. i feel like a lot of my colleagues tend to treat teens like zoo animals rather than taking their jobs seriously. educators are part of a childs education process. we help form who you are, whether we like it or not, so giving you age appropriate responsibilities (within reason, i also hate assigning lots of busywork homework) is part of our job. teens say dumb things because theyre teens but also i remember that once i had a fucking meltdown in english class when i was 14 because i got a B+ on a quiz and said i was going to work at burger king forever and my teacher actually reassured me in her own comedic way. so yeah, i remember being overdramatic and annoying too so i cant be critical of my students for that.

while i think the age dynamic between a teenager and an adult is something to take more seriously than some people online would like to, i also see a lot of full grown adults in their early 20s pretending that anyone over 30 is a corpse. it goes back to what i said about that narrative....30 is not the end of your life. in fact, i felt my life was just beginning once i turned 30. i spent most of my 20s in and out of mental hospitals and in treatment, learning how to function, and towards my late 20s i finally became a teacher and found that it was a fundamentally vital part of my recovery. but the ‘best years of my life’ aka my teen years and early 20s were all spent trapped in abusive relationships and processing trauma. now that im older, i feel i can finally start living.

maybe its because of my experiences but i really resent being told that im old just because im 30. im only five years older than some of these people who are like ‘dni if youre 30+!’.... like you are 25 years old there is no significant age gap or power differential between us??? do you think that once you turn 30 you stop liking anime and become some kind of sexually predatory liability towards....people in their mid to late 20s?

the reason we talk about age is because adults, all adults, need to respect children and teens at their particular stage of development. i know teenagers hate being told theyre not fully mature yet but you arent fully mature yet. you arent adults. even if you were, you simply dont have that much life experience. its fine not to know everything. and there are people who know more than you who will try to use what they know against you. thats why discussion age dynamics is so important. because childhood developmental stages are a thing really even up until youre in your early 20s (but at that point it doesnt matter AS MUCH because once youre legally an adult you have more legal rights than you do as a child, as sad as that is).

i think a lot of this antagonism against people over 30 is that society generally values youth, which is pretty silly because society also gives children and teens little to no legal recourse. so there is this distinct antagonism there. youth is valuable perhaps BECAUSE of its capacity for exploitation. once youre older, you know better, and thus you cannot be so easily fooled. and thus, as a result, we all believe turning 30 means youre a dried up useless husk, because your buying power isnt as useful. your beauty (if you are a woman) is worthless because only barely legal teens are acceptable in a society that highly values youth....and we should maybe unpack that because thats highly uncomfortable isnt it? your reproductive capacity is worthless because biased scientists have told us that if you have a child over 40 you are GUARANTEED to produce DEFECTIVE CHILDREN!!!! its backed up by SCIENCE!!!! science says older women are useless and shouldnt have children!! even though we live in a world where genetic counseling exists and we can easily navigate those risks...but no, science says.

the cult of youth is a cult of exploitation of the youth and one that devalues to the point of disposability of older people. and during the pandemic we are really starting to see just how little governments care about older people. in fact, its almost as if they are purposely killing them off...because they arent as important as the youth for some of the above mentioned reasons.

#long post #Heavenly Decree #just something i had on my mind

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lord-king-saint · 4 years

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✨7TH HOUSE SHADOW WORK (PART ONE)✨

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DISCLAIMER: Depending on your level of integration, you may not relate to these descriptions of the signs. Without integrating the sister sign, there are deficits in the personality. As we integrate our sister signs' qualities, we tend to relate better to the world.

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✨aries: energetic and forceful mars rarely allows others to influence you or "impress" upon you. it guards you with its fiery armor against absorbing too many perspectives-- and rightly so! people who juggle too many perspectives always vaccilate and diffuse their energies! it can feel like a betrayal to you when someone is always taking the middle-ground. a warrior has to attach to its goal, or they die! so why are so many fools getting the jump on you? whats up with those "certain people" who get under your skin and drive you mad? how do they charm you and expose you so easily? its their ability to "drink in" your perspective. they allow themselves to be impressed upon by you, but they use that data like an artist. yeah, their energy is diffuse, and thats why you are so easily drawn into them, like everyone else. you may be jealous of people who are charismatic and very liked. aries can be popular and well-liked too, but its usually because your audience is compatible with your forceful energy-- or they like you despite it! but venusians win hearts, and relationships, because they make room for others in their psyche. can you make room? or does it feel like obliteration?

✨taurus: you see no need to rennovate your entire personality. youve carefully crafted yourself and your surroundings, based on what you think is beautiful, and valuable, and conserves the most energy. you dont have time to constantly deconstruct and rebuild yourself. even though you want to improve in some areas, you won't throw the baby out with the bath water. after all, you have earthy goals to achieve. youre comfortable in your skin and your rituals work for you, because theyre tailored to your delicate sensual nature. you dont want to be ruffled, or hurried, or over-stimulated. thats why those "certain people" irk you so much. theyre always trying to penetrate your exterior and reveal these deep truths about you. whats their angle? why do they want to unravel you? it feels like they just want to tear you apart, and then be the ones to put you together again. it feels like a power play-- and furthermore, it sounds exhausting. you dont need to expose the deep dark motivations inside you. youre doing just fine because you march steady and refined toward your goal. thats why youre confused when people say youre oblivious. when people confide in you, and you dont investigate the secret longings of their hearts, and the bitter past that forged them, they say they feel unseen. you want someone around because theyre "valuable", but when you dont merge with their inner world, youre treating them like an object. you prefer to build trust slowly. you notice that a person repeatedly respects your boundaries, so you let them in. but intimacy demands something deeper. they want to know that the deepest and most vulnerable parts of themselves are safe with you. are they? are their deep and messy hearts safe with you? or they just your "objects"?

✨gemini: youre like a surfer, arent you? it doesnt matter what the current is doing, as long as it gives you that wave! that moment of excitement and freedom! i mean, obviously you study the water, and know which waves will give you the most thrill, and you can probably anticipate when a good wave is coming-- or maybe you dont surf, but, you treat information this way. you know the people who have the best stories. you can sniff them out, you're drawn to them, and you know how to stay engaged with them-- until you don't want that anymore! until then, you download everything you can learn, to redistribute to others later. youre a fabulous messenger. collecting fascinating knowledge, person by person, media by media, and re-telling them in glib and colorful ways, is what maintains your excitement and thrill. your heart adores networking, and you love being at the center of the web you weave-- but then you meet those self-righteous types. those "certain people" who have actually been on journeys. they don't swim in the same surf, waiting for waves. they dont collect stories and glimpses of experiences. they arent messengers. they venture into the unknown themselves, for their own experience or vocation or belief system. these people know themselves. theyre the blunt types who scare people away sometimes. "but those people might've had good stories!" you cry. you hate their candor and their self-righteousness, but you cant help that you love their stories the most. theyre so knowledgable, like a teacher or guru. they may even make you jealous, because they arent just telling stories-- theyre telling experiences. they make you want to go on a journey and have an experience too! you want their self-knowledge and expanded worldview-- but, that would require that you choose a direction. it would mean starting your own story, and commiting to it step by step, rather than waiting in the surf for a thrill. which direction lies your story? can you devote yourself to it?

✨cancer: youve seen the world outside and its scary. everyone is so changeable, and they all want something from you. they all have angles-- but you know who didnt have an angle? mother. she didnt need anything from you, she just adored you and held you and fed you yummy meals and listened to you sympathetically. she would never exploit you. she only wanted the best for you. or, maybe your family wasnt like that, so you built your private world around that loss. you save the photographs of being unloved, and insulate your heart with familiar, emotional security. your pets and plants love you unconditionally, and so do your friends. actually, you make sure that every person in your life is "safe", which is why you tested them and only slowly let them in. you approached sideways, indirectly, but eventually the faithful made it into your den, where you adore each other and feed each other and protect each other's secrets. you take their photographs and hang them in your private world, and you pray to the moon that you dont hurt you or leave you one day, like the others. when the others left, it was too painful to put into words (even though you tried) and you continue to build your private world around that loss. so the scariest people are the insensitive people. those "certain people" who arent ruled by their feelings and they operate exclusively in the public world. whats so good about the public world? sure, you play in the system to give yourself security, but why bother being ambitious when the private world is so much safer? these people are disciplined and want to master the outside world, and even though you feel unnerved by them, theyre sensible providers of security, and security has always appealed to you. theyre brave and stoic on the outside, because they wear the mask of courage to provide for their families-- like an archetypal father. sure, theyve suffered, but their suffering and failures are what galvanizes their self-respect, and motivates them to try again. their resilience appeals to you, draws you like a magnet, but you resent their emotional strength because it makes them seem insensitive. but in order to accomplish our goals in the world, we have to be disciplined, put our feelings to the side, and be willing to fail. are you brave enough to climb the mountain? can you approach the world directly? the public world can be a scary place, but when you have courage and a wish in your heart, it makes for better photographs.

✨leo: your heart is a stage, and your beloved audience loves your warmth and glamor. youre so talented, so dignified, and you have that accessible "older sibling" aura that wins people's hearts. basically youre blessed, and your heart soars whenever you receive applause. like a good actor, people dont always know the work youve put into your identity-- unless, of course, its part of the act-- but youre not pretending! its just that applause affirms your existence, so naturally everything revolves around that. you love your audience and you cant imagine life without being seen and praised. humiliation could destroy you, but you will always rise like the graceful pheonix before a new audience, to dazzle and impress and entertain again. you have infinite creative potential inside of you, a kaledioscope of color and expression is at your fingertips. thats why you cannot stand those "certain people" who come around to expose your ego. these people are usually intellectuals who are penetrating and insightful, and they always try to bring you down a peg. when you tell a problematic joke on stage, theyre always advocating for the audience and viewing your act in an idealistic lense. "its just art!" you cry. "and its my art! so if you dont like it, you can leave!" but when the audience leaves, it always unearths your insecurities. how are these people so in-touch with your audience? how do they forecast the audience's needs so accurately with their insights? youre the one on stage, but these intellectuals know the rhythms of the future, and theyre forcing you to step up and change. you recognize their genius and want it for yourself, because your heart is a stage, and theater is about the interplay between the actor and the audience. can you use your heart to feel into the hearts of the collective? can you change with the age? is that something you even want?

✨virgo: your attention to detail is truly a gift, and it enriches everyone around you-- even if they dont notice. you can put your ego to the side and really analyze what truly needs to be done, and then you do it, without fuss. once you find the flaw with your eye for detail, you uproot it. even when its thankless work, you are a major service to those around you because you keep things efficient and organized, just like your own bodies and minds. when things are unclean, you keep them clean, just like your unconscious. in fact, you regularly go into the basement of your mind to take an inventory of your compulsions, obsessions, and needs. you may appear neurotic to others, and you may feel that way too! your eye for detail can sometimes paralyze you with all the ways you need to improve yourself. even when it comes to others, it may be hard not to see flaws and want to perfect them. it may be hard to relate to people outside of this ritual because youre so invested in the routine of that role. when your eye for detail sees all the flaws, how can you not aspire to a future of perfection? its hard work, but everyone should be working to be better, right? thats why "certain people" who are oblivious to their own flaws bother you. everyone has a responsibility to improve, but then you meet those people who laze about and dont improve themselves. and, you notice that they dont try to improve other people either! they accept people as they are, and you resent how others gravitate to them. you assume that theyre coddling them-- but with your eye for detail, you notice something. you notice that people around them slowly heal and improve by their influence, by some strange alchemy! and you cant trace back how it was done! because they accepted them as they were-- they changed, for the better. you also notice that it works personally for those people too. somehow, by not worrying and analyzing, by withdrawing from their obsessions and escaping into art or distraction, occasionally things work out for them! it doesnt happen enough to quantify, but the numerous occasions where inaction breeds positive results astounds you! how do they do that? how do they give their problems over to some higher force by escaping? you can barely escape your own mind without feeling guilty! and you notice that their ability to escape balances their ability to ground in the moment, especially with others. it seems so disorderly and contradictory-- but it works. how can inaction and acceptance change your life too? how would your loved ones improve if you accepted them as they are? can you tolerate uncertainty enough, to reap the rewards of acceptance?

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togglepawz-moved · 4 years

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thoughts on buddy?

ohhh boyy...shes quite the divided character in this hellfandom.

ppl like 2 shit on her by saying she was unreasonable in her resentment of brad but yall gotta remember that brad did things wrong 2. i know he had good intentions, but he locked a child in an underground chamber 4 most of her life w/o letting her see the outside world, n also forced her 2 kill someone/multiple ppl (presumably from what said @ the end of the opening scene 4 joyful)

now, i can understand why he would do these things. it was extremely dangerous 4 her 2 show herself in the world she was in, where there were no(? we cant even b sure @ this point if all the women r actually gone) women n tons of disgusting older men, n the occasional good person, but still. tons of disgusting older men. i can also understand why he did what he did in the opening scene in joyful. she had 2 defend herself in the literal apocalypse somehow, but there were @ least a million better ways he could have done that. people shoot watermelons n not real, living n breathing ppl in those gun training videos 4 a reason.

i dont think brads treatment of buddy was ill-intentioned. however, just bc some1s heart is in the right place doesnt mean that what theyre doing is automatically right. imo, i think buddys hatred 2wards brad was caused by unintentionally abusive parenting + shitty circumstances.

now, do i think what she did was right?

...no. no i do not. murder is (almost) never okay.

does this mean i hate her as a character, though?

FUCK. NO. i fucking love this angry 11 y/o her character is so fucking fun. shes very clearly an example of accidental mental illness coding. along w/ lisa, dingaling h8s her as a character 4 some reason which??? bro??? u see a shitty dickweed of a male character who literally abused n r/ped his own daughter (no i will never get over this) u created n ur like “ah. beautiful.” but then u see a female character w/ trauma thats actually good that u created n ur like “fuck u lol” like wtf u literally made games centered around both of these girls whats ur deal.

n like!!! i find it hilarious that he most likely doesnt know y some ppl like her so much. bitch, its bc she went through life-changing trauma over her childhood, the father figure she protected all of her resentment on2 died, n still not feeling free from him, she fucking destroyed like half of the world. like bitch do u not see the mental illness coding. is there some1 in the way. oh ill help u *throws all the ppl who h8 when ppl w/ trauma act out 4 some reason out of the way* *throws all the ppl who h8 women out of the way* *throws all the ppl who h8 ace coding out of the way (did i mention that shes also an example of accidental ace coding...like the fandom on here has just collectively agreed that shes ace n i think thats fucking fantastic)* there u go sir, now u can see the mental illness u accidentally projected on2 this character yw byeeeeeeee.

in summary, buddys so fucking good im gonna cry.

#abuse mention tw #rape mention tw #death mention tw #murder mention tw #lisa #lisa rpg #lisa the painful #lisa the joyful #buddy armstrong

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aquagenesis · 3 years

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so i just like. whatever.

whatever.

it makes me feel very sad when i see everyone i consider friends like, talking about how much they don’t care about people or friendship or anything like that. like it really bothers me a lot, i know it’s quarantine and we’re all fucking depressed so whatever it’s not like im saying “if you’re being introspective and i hate it kys” like whatever.

but it bothers me. it really does. it has always bothered me so much when people i regard highly turn around and do not care the same way for me. and i know that’s the human condition; we all attach ourselves to people and those people are not obligated in any way to care the same way back.

because i do not understand, if you are so lonely, if that is the reason you are saying “it’s not even like i have friends”, the answer is not to say “well it doesn’t even really matter because i have like only 1 friend and they’re on thin fucking ice”. like who are you?

i just feel like resentment in friendships is too common. i think it’s all too common we internalize this “nobody in life stays forever!” and then decide okay we will just isolate ourselves and give no regard to who is in our lives and well if they stay great if they leave oh well. you dont care? tell people that. tell people you do not care about them enough to put any emotional investment in whether they stay or go.

because i, at least, do not accept that as a terms of friendship. i am not going to continue to be your friend if you literally just are saying you do not care about people. like that is so selfish. that is literally so selfish. i dont care if that’s rude. you’re selfish!

didn’t it hurt you when you found out nobody cared about you? didnt it hurt you when someone first told you you’d never been friends, they were just being your friend because they were being nice? isn’t the primary problem you have that you’re disposable and nobody cares about you? so why? would you do? the same? to other people?

people on the internet and like in real life (cuz you know theyre the same thing) are just like. so fucking convinced everyone is out to get them. people literally will be like oh fuck this friendship didnt work out (which is allegedly a part of growth?) and then make it their personal journey to cut everyone off and never put any kind of work into any future relationship. and then they cannot even see all the work people are putting in, how much time they invest into worrying about you, how much emotional occupancy you have in their heads. if people are literally supposed to leave; that’s why you don’t care to put in the work, why do you get upset when people leave?

griping about people after the fact about things that genuinely are just minor inconveniences or whatever (they were boring, they were annoying, etc.) is just like. so why didn’t you tell them this? before you had to let the whole thing rot? why didn’t you tell them what they were doing so wrong?

is it because you knew it was rude? is it because you knew they wouldn’t react well to it? who fucking cares. you were the one being selfish, deciding you would “try to deal with it”, then realized you couldn’t because they Kept Doing The Same Shit You Didn’t Like. how is anyone supposed to know what their faults are, if we “all” have faults, and you yourself are not even aware of all of yours?

so instead of...talking about your problems so someone’s flaws aren’t the only thing you focus on, cuz it’s driving you insane, you just decide to emotionally check out and let whatever happens happen? you literally deserve to be alone, you self-absorbed fuck.

people are not obligated to stick around you. people are not obligated to keep being friends with you. people have a RIGHT to know what they are doing that is making you, their friend, upset. because people do not deserve to be cut off for something they DID NOT EVEN KNOW THEY WERE DOING and then have it be like, “oh fuck i’m a terrible person because i didn’t pick up on these subtle cues you couldnt fucking Stand Me.” that is not? someone’s fucking job? to know what’s making you so upset? oh my god???

and then it’s like people don’t stop, you feel like you’ve complained enough, but they won’t stop. surely, they simply do not care. so then you stop caring. you’re like okay, if they won’t change, they clearly don’t value this relationship. you’ll put up with it as long as you can, but “as long as you can” is like a month or two, and then it’s a nuclear explosion as you unload every nasty thought you’ve been steeping for the past [REDACTED]. who is that helping?

and then of course, these people run and hide behind “well this is why i need walls they couldn’t respect me”. THEY couldnt respect YOU? who was the one festering on wounds that could have been treated The Day After your friend came over got plastered and passed out drunk on your bathroom floor and then asked for a ride home when everyone’s drunk still? did that bother you? did you tell them, or did you tell them “no it happens to everyone hahaha dont even worry about it” and then get increasingly pissed the next time they come over and get plastered and wind up puking? because those. those are two different things i really dk how to make that any more clear.

it’s just like whatever for how hard everyone is for “communication” people will literally say that and then be like “oh well i. i cant communicate see it’s like. i just can’t do that it’s anxiety inducing if theyre my friend they should Know”. do you know everything that pisses YOU off???? do you not care you’re clearly losing interest and patience with people, and now they feel especially obligated to make up for WHATEVER IT WAS THEY DID you refused to talk to them about? why do you think everyone should cater to you, but oh wait, no they don’t, they should just realize You Don’t Care about your friends like that.

like whatever yeah. i did that. when i was fucking 19. grow up lmfao.

#🧬#this is a text post

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sunlitroom · 5 years

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Gotham – s5e05 – Pena Dura

As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham:

Selina went stab stabbity stab. Alfred told Bruce he can’t save Selina from herself. Ed woke up on a rooftop. Jim gave speech #357 on the value of hope. Then Haven exploded, proving that hope can only do so much against an RPG. Jim’s been promised help for weeks! He also won’t stop until he finds who’s responsible for Haven. Ed was responsible for Haven, albeit in a weird trance-like state. Jim stared at the charred remains of Haven.

As always, long post will be long. There are likely to be rambling digressions. Gobblepot might appear (although I welcome all shippers and non-shippers alike :)). There will be naked favouritism and naked not-favouritism. Broader comments at the end on plotlines and parallels and general direction.

In a church, a man is watching an old black and white film. From what I can figure out from the actors involved and the character names, it’s a George Brent film called Tangier Incident. It’s not a particularly interesting film. He is, however, in a good creepy film called The Spiral Staircase, which I recommend.

Anyway

Jim and Harvey approach him, guns drawn, and ask him turn around. Apparently, he’s the one who sold the RPGs. He seems pretty unimpressed by them, and rather insolently asks if they’re going to arrest him.

Jim says he wants a name. Old film guy addresses some unseen minions

What do you say boys? You wanna show the lawman how we feel about uninvited guests?

No-one is backing down. The stand-off is broken up by the arrival of lots of large people dropping through the stained-glass ceiling, who promptly take the thugs out.

While this is happening, Jim wrestles the weapons dealer/film enthusiast. He still wants a name. The fight is pretty even until the old guy is shot in the head.

We now get a slow-motion shot of shiny army boots approaching to some foreboding music. Jim rises, frowning in confusion as shiny boots man removes the mask covering his face.

Eduardo?

Nice shot right?

We get the military music we last had with Barnes to let us know that Jim likely met this man in the army. His men are still pointing guns, one at Harvey, so he tells them stand down.

Jim asks Eduardo what he’s doing here. He tells Jim he last saw him running through sniper fire to save him from a burning truck.

Jim claims he had the old guy where he wanted him – but he’s glad he’s here. Eduardo says he is too

They wander through the church chatting. Jim tells Harvey they hated each other in boot camp. Jim thought Eduardo did things too fast, while Eduardo thought Jim was too careful.

A sarcastic Harvey says that Jim’s taught him a thing or two about being careful.

Jim and Eduardo lapse into military jargon – talking about the mission plan. Eduardo says that they’re helping Walker (the woman Jim’s been talking to on the radio). They’ve to make this hellhole safe.

Jim, disgruntled, comments that all it apparently took for them to be sent help was the murder of hundreds. Eduardo says they’ve to remove all criminal elements and make the city safe. He introduces his second in command, who hands Jim a ledger they’ve found. On it – we see Ed’s name against two RPGs.

Jim turns to Harvey. He and Eduardo will go after Ed. Harvey is to set up a command centre at GCPD. Harvey protests.

I’m not as fast as I used to be, but I still got some fight in me. I’m not some desk jockey – I’m a street guy

Jim says Harvey’s the best cop he knows. Ed tends to think ahead. If this goes sideways, Harvey will need to take over.

I need your help buddy

Harvey nods.

GCPD where Bruce runs into Alfred. Alfred tells him Jim isn’t there – they’ve got a strong lead in the Haven bombing. He asks Bruce what’s wrong.

Bruce tells him worriedly that he can’t find Selina anywhere. Alfred replies that Selina is capable of looking after herself. Bruce says that she’s not herself, though. Alfred pulls a face and tells him that Jeremiah deserved to die. A resentful and upset Bruce says that Jeremiah made Selina a murderer – just like Ra’s did him.

(An aside. Much like Alfred, I don’t really have a problem with Selina stabbing Jeremiah. But this is only one of many times this episode will get a bit forgetful. Selina was a murderer before she killed Jeremiah, Bruce. You were there when she shoved that guy out the window. Not that I really have any time for Alfred’s ex-army friend who stabbed him and robbed you – but Jeremiah wasn’t the first time she’s killed)

Alfred quibbles this, claiming that Ra’s goaded Bruce into murder, but Selina did what she did with open eyes

And you’ve got to learn to respect that son

Bruce wants to find her, though, and leaves – as Alfred watches.

(An aside - Eh. On one hand, yes – Selina can make her own decisions. She has autonomy. On the other hand – Selina did what she did while still struggling to cope with the trauma of Jeremiah shooting her. Alfred excusing Bruce but condemning Selina – even though he agrees Jeremiah needed to be removed – doesn’t really sit well with me. On top of all that – Selina’s endangered herself for Bruce on a number of occasions, gone out of her way to help him, in fact. She’s clearly not coping now – and leaving her to her own devices seems off to me.)

In the library, we see Ed listening to his blackout recordings. He howls with frustration, unable to establish a pattern.

It makes no sense!

He catches sight of himself in a nearby mirror

You're not a murderer, Ed. Except Kristin Kringle, and Officer Doherty.

He goes on

But all those people. And children. How could you do it? Why?

He roars

It doesn't matter – it’s you - not me

(An aside. This is really a bit of a mess. So. Am I to assume that Ed is being a massive hypocrite, and selectively editing his criminal record? Or am I to assume that Ed differentiates between murders committed by Ed and those committed by The Riddler? Maybe, that doesn’t really work here – since some of these were committed before he discovered that persona. Besides – wasn’t one of the features of his ‘becoming’ his personalities becoming fused? Or are the writers choosing to forget some of Ed’s other murders? Who knows.)

Hearing a sound, he turns. It’s Jim and Eduardo – who have arrived to arrest him. He holds his hands up defensively.

No - Jim - I can explain

Jim is taken aback.

Explain? You son of a bitch - you actually did it?

(Interesting. Although Ed’s name was in the ledger, Jim doesn’t seem to have thought that Ed was truly responsible – or didn’t want to believe it might be true.)

Eduardo tells Ed to get on his knees. That’s three Eds in this show now – not counting Ed’s many personalities. For reference, if they’re all ever in the same scene, the dog is Ed1, the lanky green one is Ed2, and beardy army guy is Ed3.

Ed protests, and says he didn't – but he needs a little bit of time

Eduardo is still pointing his gun – and tells Jim to just say the word.

Ed pleads. You know me, Jim. People that I have...hurt - they hurt me first

(Eh? There are multiple gif sets going around which show how ridiculous this remark is. Ed’s hurt plenty of people just because he wanted to.)

I didn't know a single person in Haven

Eduardo glances at Jim

Your call, buddy – he basically confessed

Ed watches carefully as Jim thinks and then decides,

Bring him in – he stands trial

We’re saying this again? What kind of court will this be? Who is the judge? Lawyers? Jury?

Ed isn’t enthused by this. He touches a book from the bookcase. Eduardo is apparently standing on pressure-plated ied. One twitch, and he’ll repaint the room with his organs. He smiles.

Jim points his gun. But apparently Ed has also devised some sort of watch that monitors changes in Ed’s heart rate if it deviates by more than 10 bpm up or down, and can cause an explosion - if necessary - from as far as a mile away. Whatever. Apparently, in a fit of sexual frustration after his recent contact with Lucius, Ed sublimated his lustful stirrings into an inventing binge.

Ed and Jim try and stare each other out a bit. Jim says Ed will be a target once news of his guilt gets out. Eduardo says he thinks Ed’s threats are bluffs. Jim says Ed doesn’t bluff. Well – there was the time with all the cops and the poison gas that turned out just to be sleeping gas, but - hey. This episode is having severe difficulties remembering details, storyline, characterisation….take your pick.

Jim lets Ed leave. Summarising because this recap is lengthy – Jim uses his cat-like reflexes to leap across the room and finds the right book to free Eduardo – whose whole take on the puzzle is that he’d like

to wring this nerd’s neck

Jim gives him a welcome to Gotham. Wanting to wring Ed’s neck is just part and parcel of visiting. He adds that the city grows on you, before contacting Harvey and telling him to put the word out: Ed is wanted for the attack on Haven

Bruce strides into Sirens, looking for Selina. A fairly happy-looking Barbara leads him towards a booth. With a flourish, she tells the crowd to raise their glasses for the killer of Jeremiah Valeska. The crowd parts, and we see Selina sitting in a booth with a group of girls. Is this the booth of Bruce’s downward spiral? Is this the ‘I am having a long dark night of the soul’ booth? Do you have to book ahead?

Selina raises her glass, but her smile is more ironic than anything else.

(An aside. Barbara seemed happy. It's hard to say whether having the killer of Jeremiah Valeska at her club is bring extra cachet, whether her one-night stand with Jim brought her some closure and happiness, or whether she and Jim are still having sex and she’s pleased about this.)

In some abandoned building, we hear a radio send out the message about Ed being wanted by the police.

A tall skinny man wearing a green suit and eyeglasses

They left out his BritPop hair.

Outside an angry mob gathers and chants. We see Ed hiding from them, before slipping off.

At City Hall, Oswald stands, flanked by his henchmen, as a visitor opens a box for him. Whatever it is seems to make him happy – and he pays the man 200 bullets in return – telling him to go have fun and keep up the good work.

As the man leaves – Oswald is brought a message

He reads aloud

Edward Nygma is the monster responsible for killing the innocents of Haven

Oswald looks incredulous for a moment, and then worried – wondering aloud,

Ed…what have you done?

The mob from earlier runs past. Ed hides – but is walloped on the side of the head.

GCPD. Eduardo tells Jim they’re pushing uptown – but there’s still no Nygma. He’s confident they’ll get him though. He then asks Jim to tell him about Scarecrow. Jim says his guys would need gasmasks – but taking him down would be a big one.

We’re on a sort of rural street. We pan up Ed’s body. I own those boots. He’s unconscious and tied to some kind of deck chair.

An older blonde woman leans in towards his face.

Time to wake up!

Forgive me – American readers. I can only tell that she sounds Southern, which I know isn’t very specific.

She tells Ed she’s the woman who will carry out his execution, along with her two boys – two men, who are sitting in a truck parked facing Ed.

They’ve basically created a makeshift electric chair. There’s a lot of whooping and laughing as they give Ed a tester jolt. He yells in pain, gasping when they stop.

The woman tells him that was only a taste. It’s fair that Ed should die to pay for JoJo, who was in Haven when Ed blew it up.

She holds up a photograph. Ed seems afraid to look at it – then bursts into laughter when he sees it’s a dog. For good measure – he calls the woman an anthropomorphizing nincompoop when she claimed that JoJo was happy and smiled often.

They give him another burst of electricity. Ed hallucinates – seeing a spiteful Oswald telling him

I'm going to fix you, Ed

Ed blinks – confused. They jolt him again. This time he sees a sincere Oswald, repeating the same phrase.

Everything stops when there’s some kind of fault with the electricity. Ed quickly spots a way to trick them and escape. In doing so – one of the men’s legs catch fire. As Ed runs off, he declares that he’ll fix Oswald.

At City Hall, we hear distant explosions. One of Oswald’s henchmen tells him that the army has invaded and men are heading this way. Oswald asks him if Nygma has been located – to which the man replies he has feelers out. Oswald tells him the first man to find him gets to live.

Turning, he tells his dog he is surrounded by morons. If he didn’t have his empire – he’d go get Nygma himself

(An aside – it’s actually something that has been frustrating about Oswald in later seasons. Season One Oswald was very mobile. He moved around a lot: think of all the places we see him. Fish’s club, Gertrud’s apartment, GCPD, Jim and Barbara’s place, Maroni’s weird lodge, Falcone’s mansion, Loeb’s house…. It helped give a sense of how he had a finger in every pie, but also how much he truly inhabited the city. He was everywhere. But after they have him empire building – he becomes much more static. He’s usually stuck in a grand house or hall, and has to send other people out to do his bidding.)

He spots that the gun on his desk has gone. He turns – and now it’s pointing at his head

It’s Ed2

(Ed gets demoted if the dog is in the same scene)

Hello Oswald. We have a great deal to talk about. But first - did you name your dog after me?

(An aside. You know – that dog is sweet, but the naming decision feels like self-indulgent fic territory. Unpopular opinion, I know – but there it is.)

At GCPD, Harvey says Nygma’s been seen at City Hall – he’s going after Oswald. Eduardo says Oswald is at the top of their list – so this sounds like a twofer

Jim says Oswald has all the ammo in town – so they need shock and awe

Eduardo says that’s his default, and asks Jim if he’s ready to go.

Jim looks a little dubious, and tells him to take Harvey. He’ll keep things locked down here

(An aside – it’s possible that Jim does this because he wants to salve Harvey’s bruised ego from earlier, although sending him to City Hall with Eduardo to face a heavily-armoured and very irritated Oswald would seem to be a bit of an over-correction of that earlier moment. It is amusing to consider, though, that Jim did not want Eduardo to witness what would likely have happened at City Hall if Jim had gone instead – i.e. Oswald wheedling his way out of a visit to the precinct, Jim telling Oswald to please be good this time, and then some emotionally vulnerable and sexually charged staring.)

At Sirens, a flippant Selina tells a serious-faced Bruce he’s killing the buzz. Bruce tells her this isn’t her. Selina smiles, and asks Bruce if he really thinks he knows her. He solemnly tells her better than she knows herself.

Selina smiles. She tells Bruce that the night his parents were murdered she watched it all and did nothing.

Her eyes fill

She says she watched

That guy shoot your father and shoot your mother and through it all - I did nothing

She lets out a laugh that turns into a sob

I didn't call for help. I didn’t scream at him to stop

Bruce tells her it wasn’t her fault – she was a scared kid. Selina tells Bruce he was the scared kid.

Bruce has teared up now too. She continues

We are not the same. I didn't do anything because I was not willing to risk my neck - because I didn’t care. That's who I was and that's who I am

A different song starts playing. Selina puts on a faux-smile and says she loves this song. A tearful Bruce watches her walk away.

Back at City Hall, an irate Ed is questioning a confused Oswald.

What did you do?

What are you talking about?

Ed is insistent

You! You are the reason I killed those people! How could you? You have made me some murderous puppet!

(Just a reminder here that when Ed found a seriously injured and traumatised Oswald in the woods, he took him home, injected him with God knows what, told him he had no option but to stay there, and rubbed his hands with glee when he figured out the best way to manipulate him to his own ends – which was through his grief for his murdered mother. You know, just while the story is touching on stuff like taking away someone’s agency, and using them for your own selfish ends.)

Ed rants that he’s spent weeks waking up strange places - driving himself mad, thinking he’d gone mad - now he knows that it’s all been Oswald’s doing

Of everything that you have put me through - this is the most cruel

(Just another reminder that - you know, while we’re discussing cruelty – Ed tried to drive Oswald insane, dug up his father’s remains, humiliated him, attempted to demonstrate that he wasn’t capable of love (so – you know – tried to completely dehumanise him), and then shot him in the gut and pushed him off the end of the pier. Just, you know, in case we’re looking for some kind of gold standard for cruelty).

Oswald blinks in confusion, and tells Ed that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Ed quotes the ‘I’ll fix you’ from his hallucination. He goes on – telling Oswald he didn’t fix him: he broke him

Realisation dawns on Oswald’s face.

Wait - I said that to you on the night the bridges blew!

He tells Ed that he saved his life. He found him and paid Hugo Strange to save him – but Hugo must have done something when he was patching him up.

Ed is incredulous. Oswald is indignant – asking him what he was supposed to do? After Butch, Ed was his only friend. Ed exclaims that he shot Butch, to which Oswald retorts that’s why he needed Ed alive.

Oswald is frustrated. He sighs and turns to him

Edward Nygma - if I wanted you to suffer, I would never do it in some backhanded way. If we are ever at odds again, you will know without a doubt that I am your enemy. I promise you that, as a friend.

(An aside. I have made no bones about the fact I’ve found just about everything they’ve done with this relationship over the seasons to be utterly forced - clunky and leaden. If anything ever exemplifies a lot of what I don’t like about it, it’s that moment just there. Compare how natural and nuanced almost any other interaction in this episode was in comparison with this moment. It’s self-indulgent and melodramatic in a manner usually reserved for bad fanfiction. Bear it in mind particularly when we get that lovely scene later with Bruce and Harvey, and compare the two.)

Ed considers him for a moment, then yells

What a mess! I might have killed you, Oswald. And if that day comes, I swear to you that I will stare you in the eye as I stab you in the heart.

We already saw that, Ed. Back when you shot him in the gut

Oswald nods tearfully

(An aside, something else I hate about what they’ve done with this – insta-woobie ooc Oswald)

Oswald tells him to look on the bright side. If Strange messed with his head, then Ed’s not responsible for what happened. Ed asks where to find Hugo – but the conversation is interrupted by an explosion.

One of Oswald’s men tells him that GCPD and the army have blown the gates

Oswald whispers to him

Grab Nygma - they want him, not me

(An aside – the speed with which Oswald is willing to sell Ed out is honestly hilarious)

Ed – however – has legged it, leaving a fulminating Oswald behind.

The doors to the main hall are blown open, and a smoke bomb is rolled on. Harvey and Eduardo enter. Oswald waits amidst all the smoke – probably for the drama more than anything

Why hello Harvey!

He teases him about the ammo situation last time. Harvey tells him they don’t want his territory. They want him to put down his weapons and hand over Ed Nygma.

The situation, I think, is now more about Oswald being pissed that his turf has been invaded than anything else. He tells them to leave by the time he counts to three, or he’ll shoot everyone.

Harvey stands his ground.

Oswald smiles

You’re not thinking clearly, Harvey. Maybe call your boss - see what he thinks

(An aside – Oswald is so offended that he’s even having to look at someone from GCPD who isn’t Jim. Ugh. This day just gets worse. Funnier yet is his conviction that Jim will tell Harvey to come back to GCPD and stop bothering him)

There’s a staring match. Oswald’s men all wind up shot, and Oswald is taken in to GCPD.

Ed is in Sirens - on his knees in front of Barbara. She tells him all Gotham is looking for him

He replies that he needs information – your speciality

(An aside. What? Since, like - when? When did information become Barbara’s speciality? I know she likes power and money. She’s also fond of violence and casual cruelty. But information? When was that supposed to have happened?)

Barbara says she’s going to cut his face into a jigsaw puzzle. Ed urgently asks her if he’s dumb. If – in all the years she’s known him – he’d ever done anything as brutally idiotic as this. He didn’t kill those people.

Well…. not exactly.

Barbara dismisses her guards. Ed tells her about Hugo Strange’s involvement, and how he suspects mind control. Whoever is responsible for the mind control killed those people, not him

Barbara says if by some miracle she believes him – why would she help?

Ed piques her curiosity by wondering what kind of powerful person would hire Strange and have Ed adapted in this way. He says that Barbara must know where Hugo is, and when he finds out who was responsible for the chip – he’ll share the intel. She’ll want to know, because, after all

Information is your lifeblood

Sure, whatever.

Barbara doesn’t know precisely where Hugo is, but can direct him to his Igors.

An interrogation room in GCPD. Oswald lies on his front on the floor, his lip bleeding. He looks up at Jim, who is apparently watching, and his face twists for a moment into a combination of pain and an appeal for help

For his part, Jim looks troubled. He’s not enjoying this – in fact, I would go so far as to say it looks like he can’t stomach it – but he’s tolerating it.

Jim replies to his pained look

You’re protecting a mass murderer - don't look to me for sympathy

(An aside. Yes – I ship this, but even with shipper glasses off – it’s pretty much there in the text. Oswald knows that he can appeal to Jim for sympathy. In responding to his look as he does, Jim is openly acknowledging that he would usually be a source of sympathy for Oswald. It’s an admission from them both that there are dimensions to their relationship that go well beyond cop/gangster and – more than that – an admission that they’re both aware of that)

Oswald spits blood

Fine. But not with that meat head around

Jim nods, and Eduardo leaves

Oswald laughs and rises from the floor

You know – they say you can judge man by the company he keeps

Jim retorts

This from a man who has no friends

(An aside – that sounds meaner than it actually played. It’s delivered in that slightly schoolyard tone Jim reserves for teasing Oswald – it’s not earnest or cruel. Also – as we’ve seen this season, just saw in this scene, and will see again in a moment – it’s just not true. Jim and Oswald have a relationship beyond work.

On top of that, you know – Jim – if not for the fact that Harvey is an extraordinarily forgiving man, your own friend list would have tumbleweeds blowing through it.)

Jim and Oswald take a moment to give each other a long, complicated look. This scene is full of long complicated looks. Neither of them particularly want to be in this situation, but their hands have been forced.

Oswald tells Jim that Nygma is a patsy, not a mass murderer. He likes puzzles, games, killing – but killing hundreds of people – that’s not him, Jim knows this.

Jim asks who set him up

Oswald laughs, and leans back in his chair.

Jim - you want info, I want to go home

Jim grimaces.

Eduardo’s not going to go for that.

Oswald smiles before pressing Jim’s button

I'm sorry – I thought you were in charge

Jim grimaces angrily and leans on the table

Even if I were to let you go – the army is going to come after you: things are changing in Gotham

I'll take my chances

Jim blinks. He seems, to be honest, tired and uncertain.

Do you want Nygma or not?

Jim looks at him, and then glances sidelong at where Eduardo waits outside.

Jim leaves the interrogation room and talks to Eduardo

I know where Nygma’s going

Eduardo looks at him, then past him, nudging the door to let it swing open – revealing an empty room. He looks back at Jim

I trust you know what you’re doing?

They leave to go find Ed

(An aside. Quite a complicated little scene. Neither Jim nor Oswald want to be in that room – but external forces have shoved them in there anyway.

There’s a lot of history in the looks that are going back and forth. Like I said, we have the explicit acknowledgment that Jim is likely to offer Oswald sympathy when others won’t. We also have the open admittance that Jim knows Oswald sees him as a soft touch, and that he will likely give in anyway – just not in this particular circumstance, because the destruction of Haven was such a big deal.

Oswald also knows that pressing Jim’s buttons over control and power is likely to be effective.

Last up – we have Jim obliquely warning Oswald of the danger the army poses to him. He’s not threatening him here, or trying to intimidate him. If anything, his tone is almost pleading. He doesn’t know how handle this situation. He’s asked for help – and help has finally arrived – but Jim’s not actually sure what to do with it now it’s here. Eduardo plainly told Jim that Oswald was at the top of their hit list. Jim’s response? Let him go, warn him that danger is coming.)

In some lab facility somewhere, a body slides down a hatch.

It’s Hugo!

He’s complaining that the last body he was brought was gangrenous and completely unsuitable. When he turns, though, he sees Ed pointing a gun at him

Mr Nygma

Ed want to know how he control of his alter ego. He’s rambling a little, talking about his Ed side.

A curious Hugo remarks that he is Ed Nygma.

Ed says he’s also the Riddler.

Hugo’s professional side makes a rare appearance

How interesting

He adds, though, that he knows nothing about all that. He just tinkered and inserted a chip in his brain.

Ed wants to know who requested this. Hugo says he’ll write it down, so he can truthfully say that he didn’t tell Ed who was responsible. His pen, though, contains knock-out gas – which he sprays at Ed.

Hugo says that he’s mystified as to how Ed regained any awareness – and that he’ll just have to open him up and take a look under the roof.

Bruce is at GCPD looking for Jim. Instead, he finds Harvey, working at his desk

Sorry kid – it’s just me

He quickly takes in Bruce’s obvious distress, and takes his glasses off to regard him more carefully.

You all right?

Bruce says he’s fine – just looking for Jim. He remarks that he saw soldiers downstairs, trying to make some conversation – but still seeming distracted. Harvey watches him, concerned.

Yeah, the Army's finally gotten off their asses and decided to help. Jim's out with them now. Are you sure you're all right?

A tearful Bruce says that he doesn’t know. His usual careful defences crumble.

I see people losing their will to do good. People I love. What if we don't make it out of this?

Harvey looks at him. His face is sombre.

I'm not gonna lie, kid. These past few months, I've wondered the same thing. And when I don't know what to do, I come up here and I dig into these case files. I sit my ass down and I get to work. I used to hate this kind of paperwork; now it's the only thing that keeps me going. Why? Because the little things matter. Act by act, deed by deed, it means something. Even if no one notices or cares.

Bruce listens – taking in what he says

Thanks, Harvey.

He then does the classic Batman quick exit – leaving a slightly befuddled Harvey

(An aside - This scene between Bruce and Harvey was really lovely. Bruce is tired, upset, and worried about Selina. He's lost his conviction that things will work out, and everything looks hopeless to him right now. Harvey doesn't have the answer to any of that - but he does have an honest way to go on with things: do the work. It doesn't have to be showy and praised by all and sundry. Do something useful - and know that the deed itself and the results are both worthwhile.

It was an understated scene that still got across some very big issues.

There’s the flagging of some key differences between Jim and Harvey – Jim’s need to be seen as a hero, and Harvey not sharing that same concern. There’s also insight into how someone who is as fundamentally unhappy and alone as Harvey finds a meaningful way of living. There’s also how much Harvey has changed since we first met him.

It's sweet, too, that Bruce confides in him. They don't know each other well - but he's still been a constant. Equally sweet is how Harvey talks to him. He doesn’t coddle him, or just try to cheer him up in the way that Alfred or Jim might. He’s simply honest. No platitudes, and no inspirational speech. He tells Bruce he’s just as scared as he is, and then offers him a way to deal with his fear.

Now - compare that simple moment of compassion, all the subtleties and pathos, and all the meaning it holds with the yelling and stilted dialogue at City Hall with Ed and Oswald. The difference is glaring.)

Hugo has top of Ed's skull off – pretty much like Hannibal tried to do to Will. According to Hugo, the gas he used on Ed immobilised him – but he can still feel pain. A simple reboot will fix the problem, though.

A City Hall, Oswald carries his dog along to a hatch in the floor. He carefully descends a ladder, still carrying him, and turns on a light. It’s a massive vault – full of gold and money and shiny things.

He smiles and tells the dog that the time has come for a change of scenery

I’ve said this for ages, sweetie. You’ve got all that crime money. Buy yourself a flat in Paris, another in Berlin. Florence, Athens, Barcelona…. go for it.

Back in the lab. Hugo says the electric charge must have overloaded the chip – but he’d fixed it. He will pass the good news to his handler. His smiles disappears when he realises that a gun is being held to his head.

He protests. He’s just helping a man who needs medical attention! Hugo is vile – but BD Wong is fantastic.

Jim walks round Hugo to look at Ed, whose eyes are open. Hugo petulantly says he gave him biomedical anaesthesia – and brings him round.

Ed screams in pain and then immediately protests his innocence

I told you wasn't me!

Jim tells Hugo to talk. He says a contract came along, and developed a tool – gesturing to Ed, who is indignant.

How dare you

Eduardo contacts one of his men and tells him to escort Hugo out. He leaves with a ta ta

He smirks at an incredulous Jim

Sorry pal - this part of the op is need to know

Apparently Walker – the woman Jim has been talking to one the radio – wants Ed taken out now.

Jim is puzzled – asking if Walker is behind this - controlling Nygma

Eduardo shrugs that he hates the spooks crap. He just follows orders

Jim mentions Haven – reeling from the idea that Walker might have been behind it.

Eduardo says Jim is to put a bullet in Ed's brain

Jim replies with a flat no

Eduardo tells him to call it proof of loyalty - what Walker needs to see from him before she implements the relief plan. He tries to persuade him

Look at him. He's a loon. A cop-killer.

(An aside – the strong feeling we’re getting from Jim at this point is ‘yeah – but he’s my loon’ – in the same way that this is his screwed-up home, and his tyrannical gangster. I suspect this storyline might have lasted longer had the season not been truncated – and we’d have seen Jim gradually pull away from Eduardo, the man he thought was his friend, to acknowledge that he belongs to Gotham, and has emotional ties there that he’s not willing to break.)

Jim just wants the truth: did Walker destroy Haven?

Eduardo tells him ours is not to reason why – and says this is his chance to be part of the plan.

He adds that if Jim can’t pull the trigger on Ed – I’ll pull it on you

Jim stares

You’d kill me for some bureaucrat?

Eduardo is unperturbed. There’s really not one thought rattling around in that big beardy head of his

Mission comes first - you taught me that. What's your answer?

Jim says he saved his life one too many times. He feints putting his gun down, and then runs and escapes down the hatch in the wall we saw earlier. Wheeee!

Eduardo presses a button, and orders EdBot to find Jim and kill him

EdBot immediately complies, and also goes wheeeeee down the chute.

Eduardo watches him go – secretly envious that his orders apparently don’t allow him to go wheeee too.

Aha – so this is where that absurdly beautiful image of Jeremiah came from. He’s lying down, eyes shut, in some kind of cave. We see a rock pulled aside by Ecco

Boss - wake up

Jeremiah winces as he sits up. Ecco asks sympathetically if the stitches are still sore, and tells him he should have worn the armour she made.

Jeremiah curls his lip contemptuously, and tells her the bullet is making her sentimental – she should gave it a shake. Ecco obligingly does so – and nods excitedly when he asks her if that’s better.

He tells her he had to let Selina stab him once - verisimilitude trumps precautions. Ecco nods – and says Bruce and Selina had to think he was dead. Jeremiah rolls his eyes at her summary, and comments impatiently that he takes it she has news. She replies that it’s all systems go, and they head out.

(I suppose this is essentially canon, but – wow, does Jeremiah treat his ‘girlfriend’ with contempt).

Is Jeremiah in Wayne Manor? He addresses a man in a white coat, telling the dr he’s hearing good things. The doctor tells him his assistant thought he’d like to see the results.

Jeremiah is wide-eyed as he approaches two people we can only see from behind – who look, as best as memory serves, to be Bruce's parents.

Jeremiah laughs for a second, then opens his eyes wide – and tells them they look beautiful

I just love family reunions - don't you?

Jeremiah, confronted with the problem of what gift you can buy for your billionaire crush who likely has everything, has seemingly got very creative and cloned his dead parents.

General Observations

Jim is doing a classic Jim. He's been unhappy about the situation in the city for weeks – pleading for help. But now that official help of a sort has shown up - the kind Jim should want, and should back, and should identify with - he's wobbling. He balks at the idea of shooting Ed. He had no interest in arresting Oswald, let alone any qualms about letting him go, and looked downright unhappy in the interrogation room. When push comes to shove, Jim has relationships with these people - whether he’ll acknowledge it or not

To analyse it more closely in terms of Jim's psychology - the army element plays a role too. He might talk about his time there fondly - but, ultimately, he chose to leave. When Barnes - who was father figure and army past combined - showed up, Jim barely waited until the end of his first episode before disobeying him to going off to see Oswald – leaning on their special relationship and warning him about the new regime.

He repeats that pattern again here. Jim might want to represent that kind of authority - but a part of him is always looking to buck it, too. It's part of the reason, I think, that he and Oswald are more likely to squabble during Oswald's particularly tyrannical phases.

And all of that disquiet is even before we find out that Walker is likely corrupt and dreadful.

The whole thing with Ed. Eh. I know what they’re trying to do here. The problem, for me, is that it’s not really outside the bounds of possibility that Ed could knowingly have destroyed Haven. Sure – the whole affair would have been showier, and Ed would have made some kind of speech beforehand – but still. Ed - and Barbara – actually, both watched from a high window while Gotham tore itself apart under the Tetch virus. Neither of them flinched at what they saw.

It’s weird – because you don’t need to downplay Ed’s capacity for sadistic violence in order to also entertain the notion that part of him might be horrified by it. That, after all, is a crucial part of his characterisation: that he is frequently fractured, with various facets of his personality more or less dominant. In season one, we saw that certain aspects of his personality were almost completely suppressed. Later, we saw the season one version of him humiliated and berated by darker aspects of his personality, as well as horrified by what it had him do when it ‘took over’.

So – you can have your cake and eat it really – you can have a character who is capable of dreadful things, as well as the tragedy that some drowned part of him is horrified and disgusted by what he has done, and simply endures it with no ability to speak up. That would work with Ed’s extreme rage and fear at the loss of control he’s been enduring.

What doesn’t work, though, is retconning him to be a better person than he is. I’ve watched Ed torture because he enjoyed it. Kill because he felt like it. I’m not entirely sure I buy that he’d be horrified by what happened to Haven.

Miscellaneous

I have no idea whether Selina knows about Tabitha yet. She must – it makes no sense that she wouldn’t – but there was no indication of her reaction to that.

Similarly – I don’t really understand why no-one has said a word about Lee yet. I’m guessing it’s because we’re simply not ‘there’ yet in the story – but it makes no logical sense.

Alfred said a lot that was true about respecting Selina’s decision, but – ultimately- his advice to leave Selina alone simply comes off as callous.

Lucius must have had a day off today.

#gotham commentary #pena dura #gotham s5e05

23 notes · View notes

panticwritten · 5 years

Note

Writing request! Carl and Sawyer (some version of you, I’m not sure where Carl usually fits in) have stumbled into the same dungeons and dragons forum and become closer through battling together (not 100% sure of Carl’s personality, be him not the type for this or totally the type). This can be a silly throw away or warmup up one since it is me.

Okay, so Cherry sent me this like forever ago. I wrote it, they read it because they live with me, but I forgot to actually post it! The name change to Kane is going smoothly, and I’m ready to never think about that asshole as Karl again lmaooooo

So, yeah, Kane and I play some DnD and he’s not subtle about anything ever at all.

I’ll have to wait until after I post this to change the colors of the different people in the text chats because lord knows I look at those strings of chat-text and have a time sifting through it. Homestuck has spoiled me.

Word count: 2270

@asinwolves @avi-burton-writing @infinitelyblankpage @no-url-ideas-tho @jade-island-lives @ravenpuffwriter @spirit-wizard-nerd @steakfryday @alextriestowritestuff @cataclystr0phe @perringwrites @davidvalencia323 @fluffpiggy @dont-trust-the-clogs @authorkimberlygrey @aclassilighthouse @cherrytying

I don’t think Kane knows I know.

If the smattering of ‘kid’ in our correspondences hadn’t tipped me off, it would definitely have been the way he made his character. I doubt anyone else would get the joke or see what he’s doing, but seriously? His character isn’t anything like him, of course.

If he were to be himself, he’d be a tiefling fighter. Either scout (ha) or cavalier archetype. He’d be a faction agent. Making a call between the chaotic alignments might be a shaky one sometimes. His attributes terribly skewed toward charisma and dexterity.

But he’s chosen a true neutral urchin. A mastermind rogue. An eladrin. The attributes are fairly balanced, save for dexterity always hovering above the others and strength a little lacking. Nothing like Kane. Not at all.

No, that’s the point.

He made a character that is exactly what I end up presenting myself as in the damn Cube. How I always play in console RPGs. Behavior just not erratic enough to be chaotic. Snarky and angry, never overtly because of the need to cover every goddamn emotion up. Inconsistent.

I’m not sure when I realized it was him. I thought it might be a member of the Collective when I first got the invitation from an unknown player. With Haz, j355, Hal, and Jax as mods of the server and tag-teaming as DMs, I slowly caught on to Kane’s game.

He’s making fun of me. He must have been playing with this character for some time, with their high level, and I wonder how long he’s been planning this.

It took me a little bit to even realize most of the similarities between myself and the character. My own character, a homebrew ice genesai, a brawler, bonded fairly quickly with them because they’re both urchins and saved each others’ asses when their time in the city overlapped.

He uses my lines, though. The whole ‘I’ll be fine’ shtick and his character has mentioned being a poet several times. After that, it took a few more days of play to start realizing it was him. That it was Kane playing such a long game.

The first time it occured to me, it was a bad call on what the endolin would do. We were looking for the deed to a seemingly abandoned manor. We hadn’t run into anything but low-level scavenging animals. In short, any good player would be a little on-edge and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Halexander (MOD): Alright. The second you both clear the door, it slams shut behind you.Match (SeeSaw): Crap.Videre (ANON): whats in the room?Halexander (MOD): It’s a pretty nondescript room. Pretty small, almost looks like a study with three desks lining one wall and a bookshelf on another. There’s a couch shoved into a corner, looks like it was slept in recently.Match (SeeSaw): Can we roll investigation real quick?Halexander (MOD): Go for it, dude.Match (SeeSaw): 5Halexander (MOD): You notice that, unlike the rest of the place, there’s no dust. The whole room is swept clean of it. That’s it. The epitome of observation.Match (SeeSaw): Okay. Videre?Videre (ANON): nah im goodHalexander (MOD): You sure? Just gonna barge in there?Videre (ANON): the doors locked right what else can we do?Match (SeeSaw): Whatever. I’ll get a closer look at the couch.Videre (ANON): imma look at the closest desk while the kid does thatMatch (SeeSaw): Fuck youHalexander (MOD): I’ll put some form of that exchange as being in character.Match (SeeSaw): GoodMatch (SeeSaw): Now, the couchHalexander (MOD): To clarify, you’re both investigating different areas of the room?Match (SeeSaw): YesVidere (ANON): yeahHalexander (MOD): Excellent.

I was so used to the DMs at least pretending to need time to formulate responses that Hal’s immediate block of text took me by surprise.

Halexander (MOD): The two of you cross the room in different directions, as if by silent agreement. Match is slower, being more hesitant, so Videre gets to the desks first. Before you can do more than peer at the desk, however, there is a cry behind you. The bedding on the couch lashed out and has taken Match captive. Match, a blanket has one wrist and a facemask has bound itself over your eyes due to your proximity when the animation first occurred. Roll Initiative.Match (SeeSaw): Whaaaaat. Not cool. Okay, 16.Halexander (MOD): Enchanted Bedding got 12.Halexander (MOD): Videre?Videre (ANON): am i far enough away that i can stay out of order and keep looking through the drawers?

Uh.

Match (SeeSaw): What the fuck. I’m being attacked here, your rapier would take care of this in like two seconds.Videre (ANON): you dont know that. i have a feeling the deeds in here just give me a minuteHalexander (MOD): You can stay out of the fight if you want, but you still need to roll so we can keep this orderly.Videre (ANON): fineVidere (ANON): 8Halexander (MOD): Thanks for cooperating.Match (SeeSaw): Okay, first off, Match is never going to trust you again.Videre (ANON): he doesnt even know im helping yet. he cant see rememberMatch (SeeSaw): WHATEVERMatch (SeeSaw): Is the blanket pulling on me or just holding me there?Halexander (MOD): It’s tugging something fierce. The rest of the pile of blankets and pillows are writhing as if alive.Match (SeeSaw): I guess I’ll attack the blanket with that dinky little knife.Match (SeeSaw): “you should empty your bag in case you find good loot” THANKS VIDERE NOW I DONT HAVE MY GOOD WEAPONSVidere (ANON): hey you should know better than to listen to me by now kidMatch (SeeSaw): When we finish this, I will find you and kill you.Halexander (MOD): Also canon, in-character dialogue.Match (SeeSaw): YEET, crit. 5 damageMatch (SeeSaw): Don’t think you’re off the hook here, HalHalexander (MOD): I resent that.Halexander (MOD): And that’s including your proficiency?Match (SeeSaw): 6 damage.Halexander (MOD): That’s what I thought.Halexander (MOD): You slash blindly at the blanket. You manage to cut the corner holding you clean off. You’re still blinded, but you’re free to move.Match (SeeSaw): OKAY YEAH I BACK THE FUCK UP AND ASK VIDERE WHAT THE FUCK THEYRE DOINGHalexander (MOD): You stumble back into the door.Match (SeeSaw): Hold up just a fucking second

I scrolled up to reread the chat.

Match (SeeSaw): Can I try opening the door?Halexander (MOD): Unfortunately, you’ve exhausted your turn. The mass of blankets shoots out another piece but cannot quite reach you in its haste. Obviously, you don’t actually see this because: The blindfold begins to tighten around your eyes. That’s it for that, what’s next on the agenda?Videre (ANON): how many of these drawers could i search in one turn?Halexander (MOD): Two.Videre (ANON): how many drawers in each desk?Halexander (MOD):Three.Videre (ANON): ill search two drawers in the first deskHalexander (MOD): Alrighty then. The first drawer is full of vials and tubes. Most of them stand empty, but there is a vial each of blue, red, and orange liquid. The second contains a weathered journal.Videre (ANON): ill snag those three vials and pocket the journalHalexander (MOD):Of course you will.Match (SeeSaw): Can I open the door now.Halexander (MOD): Since Sherlock Holmes over here can’t do much else, I’ll bite. The door, amazingly, shockingly, opens once you manage to find it with the blindfold currently limiting your sight and putting increasing pressure on your skull.Match (SeeSaw): Okay, we’re dumb.Match (SeeSaw): Videre, the door’s open, let’s get the hell out of here!Videre (ANON): im not doneMatch (SeeSaw): Are you serious right now.Halexander (MOD): Better make the rest of your turn good.Match (SeeSaw): K. I cut the string on the blindfold and join that IDIOT at the desksHalexander (MOD): I’m honestly just gonna take that as a free action.Match (SeeSaw): Sweet. Can I search a drawer?Halexander (MOD): You definitely can.Match (SeeSaw): I’ll start on the middle desk, I guess.Match (SeeSaw): I’ll deal with YOU later, VidereVidere (ANON): looking forward to itHalexander (MOD): The drawer holds a dusty lab coat. That’s it.Match (SeeSaw):Why the fuck not, I’ll take it.Halexander (MOD): You done?Halexander (MOD): Just kidding, I know you are. The blanket wraps around your ankle to pull your feet out from under you. Roll for acrobatics to see if you eat shit.Match (SeeSaw): Jesus fuck.Match (SeeSaw): 10Halexander (MOD): You slam your face into the desk on the way down. Take 1d4 damage for that, and your nose is bleeding.Match (SeeSaw): Why are you doing this to me.Halexander (MOD): You chose to let me design this campaign. What did you think would happen?Match (SeeSaw):2Halexander (MOD): While you’re down, another blanket catches you by the wrist. Again. Go, Videre.Videre (ANON): two more drawersHalexander (MOD): The first is full of pieces of metal. Mostly junk, nuts and bolts. The second is empty, so I’ll knock the action down and let you open another one.Match (SeeSaw): IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR HANDS AFTER THIS YOU WILL HELP ME RIGHT NOWVidere (ANON): yeah ill open another drawer. that leaves three left right

They searched every single drawer before helping me, by which time I was almost dead and being smothered by a pillow. They found the deed and I chewed them out on the way back to town. They said they knew I would be fine, they needed to find the deed, and there was no harm done.

Having already seen the parallels this anonymous player was making between their character and myself, I bristled at my computer.

Match (SeeSaw): Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. You won’t stay anonymous forever.Videre (ANON): oh im so scaredVidere (ANON): are you gonna come kick the shit out of me over a dumb game? give it up and find something else to obsess over if youre gonna be like that kidVidere (ANON): im just staying in character

And I had a good idea who was on the other side of the computer after that. Especially after I found out he’d done a covert investigation check with Hal instead of sharing with me. He knew there was an enemy in the room before we even entered. Was likely planning on using me as a distraction from the beginning.

The next time he surprised me, we were working for the owner of an orphanage to find ways to exploit parents interested in adoption. Match goes along with it because why not. Also because fuck adults.

But Videre surprised both me and Jax.

Jaxabandit (MOD): u want to what?Videre (ANON): buy the orphanageMatch (SeeSaw): We won’t get paid if you do that.Videre (ANON): im gonna assume that was in character and not in this whole ‘ooc’ space or whateverMatch (SeeSaw): Duh. The guy’s slimy and gross. But just because you have money doesn’t mean Match does. He needs the paycheck.Videre (ANON): think of it this wayVidere (ANON): if dicks like this werent in power match wouldnt have grown up on the streetsMatch (SeeSaw): That’s not how he thinks about shit and you know it.Videre (ANON): and hes not the one holding a huge sack of gold right now

I didn’t know what to think. By this point, I knew it was Kane. The fact that I asked Haz helps, but I know the way he talks to me. He’s the only one that would do this and keep up with it for so long.

So now, I’m not exactly sure what to do.

Match just died, like D-E-D, dead, and Videre is flipping the fuck out. The two of them had become fairly close friends. They were snarky and prickly toward each other, but they were partners in crime and would likely kill for each other.

Videre gets really scary in the final stretch of that fight.

I didn’t realize Kane thought so highly of my intimidation skills. I didn’t think he thought highly of me at all, not outside of work. I was just a tool and a weapon and something to either give orders to or take orders from.

But Videre is a force of nature toward the end. Being a mastermind rogue, they confuse the ice devil as well as fighting it. They show a lot of skill they didn’t before, turning a few unlucky rolls into happy mistakes. Even they seem surprised when they win.

Videre (ANON): wellVidere (ANON): i guess i know what its like to be you nowThe Old Hazzle Dazzle (MOD): Are you done now, Kane?Videre (ANON): wow cats out of the bagMatch (SeeSaw): You’re awful at hiding who you are, though.Match (SeeSaw): Also, you’re an assholeThe Old Hazzle Dazzle (MOD): Did you want to make a new character and keep going? Or call it quits for now?Match (SeeSaw): I think I’m done. I gotta go challenge Kane to a fist fight.Videre (ANON):gotta find me first

- Videre (ANON): has left the chat -

He’ll have to try a hell of a lot harder than that to get out of actually hanging out with me like a person.

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vivilice · 5 years

Text

Regret (1)

No warnings

Genre: romance, Otherworldy, fantasy, LGBT+

A wind swept paper petals up towards the sky. A grand castle surrounded by a red sky lay in silence. The servants and stewards of this place all have a fabricated hearts. Only three residents carry a body of flesh and blood. A human with eyes of God and one arm. Who carries a promise with the two others. A dragon who has been around the longest and watches the other two from afar. Who carries his hobbies with vigor. A demon born from resentment which took a paper rose as his vessel. Who keeps the title of Devil and would rather spend time with the two others than those from outside.

The living room was dimly lit. Rosell sat on the windowsill one foot dangling down and with crossed arms. He looked outside at the rain. Hell was soaking with sound of roaring thunder in the distance. It was pleasant to hear. Really making the comforts of home more cozy.

“Wow, it’s thundering like crazy out there. I wonder if it’ll come closer.” A bright young woman sat down beside the Devil. Her peach skin illuminated every time a bolt of lightning lit the sky. Her long unruly blond hair fell nicely on her shoulders. Her smile warmed the Devil who she called brother everytime he looked at it.

A nice scent came sneaking in on them. It came directly from the kitchen which was placed beside the living room. A young looking man came strolling in. He wore a blue dress with a nice fluffy jacket, an apron and oven mittens while carrying stew. A long blue and white tail closed the kitchen door behind him. His slitted eyes screamed mischievous and his grin was painted a bright red.

“Food’s served.” He sang. The young woman, who was named Dina Ravenwood, who sat beside the Devil got up and darted to the dinning table. The man with the dragon’s tail, named Ikle Raveice sat down beside her and served her a portion of his cooking. He looked at his younger brother who still sat at the window. “Come eat with us already! I made your fav stew, you know.” Rosell Chartam Ibaraki, the Devil of the Fabricated Hell, stood up and sat down beside Ikle.

The little family sat and ate. Chatting about Dina’s school, about demonic affairs, about fashion and then. Dina,“Oh yeah! Today in religion I got in a heated discussion with two of the boys from the other class.” Ikle sniggered, “Wow, pro’lly ‘cause they had their own version of the Devil and such, huh? Not like anyone know the right answer right?” Ikle said, elbowing the Devil. Dina laughed and stuck her tongue out for her dragon brother. “Why are you booing me I’m right!” Ikle’s use of an old meme earned him another elbow.

“Actually,” Dina began after she had stopped laughing. “We were talking about resentment toward God and how The Devil...is driven by only that, hate.” Hearing Dina say that Rosell could only keep eating.

A shadow fell over Rosell’s features and he stared out of the window again. Ikle gulped loudly and gestured for Dina to change subject. Dina however, was quite nosy.

“Rosell? I argued against them because I know better, right.” She continued. Without hesitating Rosell answered, “Nah, they’re pretty much right. But you know that too. If it wasn’t for that god-for-nothing, i’d-“ Dina, “You’d what?” Silence feel over the room. “Isn’t that quite dumb?” Rosell turned his head, seething anger started to rise. he clenched his fists.

Dina’s face was stern and Ikle could only sigh. “Dina.” Rosell began, trying to keep his voice calm. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You know what he did.” Dina was relentless, “I know he killed them. But didn’t you kill his forces too?” Rosell became angrier, he almost said something until Dina said, “Didn’t you want to be able to be left unrestrained? Is this your anger? You didn’t know any of them! Neither the circumstances surrounding why God saw it as a necessity to... ok I won’t defend mass murder. But... you hate a guy you never really met. And for what? The resentment your predessecors formed you from?”

Silence filled the room after Dina spoke. Suddenly, a loud humm broke out. Rosell turned his head and was met with the biggest “I told you bro!” Face from Ikle.

All the anger which had been built up suddenly dissapeared as if a witch had swung her staff. It dawned on Rosell.

She was right.

Ikle looked at Dina who returned the look. Then back to Rosell who stared at his plate Suddenly, Dina couldnt take her brother’s silence anymore.

“Uhh, Rosell? Sorry, I just wanted-“ Dina didn’t get the chance to finish. “You’re right.” “Huh?” It blurted from Ikle. Rosell rested his chin in his hand and looked troubled.

Rosell, “You’re absolutely right.”

Footsteps rang out throughout the Heavens. A colorful seraph darted around God’s abode to try and find the lord. Finally, after opening the absolute last door in the whole palace the angel found God.

A big white coat, with splotches of dried paint, floated around a being with a dimmed aura. With colorless hair tied loosely by the neck, held by a huge bead. A young man rotated his body to show a patchwork of vitiligo on his skin. Big round glasses surrounded his eyes which were two differen colors, one blue one and one purple. He broke into a smile, “Miza!! What is it?” The seraph stood straight and answered, “Young lord Bell, I-I believe I found Strezia’s daughter!!!!”

Colorful eyes widened and the smile became bigger. The God jumped into his angel’s embrace and celebrated with gusto, jumping up and down. “Are you for real?! Then what are we waiting for? Hurry and let’s go already!!!”

The seraph staggered and tried to readjust themselves, “Bell,uh Bell. Remember. It’s the human realm we are going to. You need to hide your aura!” Baltazar, the God of The World of Allure smiled, “Well, I think I will need your help... you know. My art block and all.” The seraph called Miza didn’t answer. Only giving a knowing nodd and then the two were on their way.

“What do you mean you can’t tell me?!” Baltazar almost started crying. The lady behind the counter couldn’t help but fidget while Baltazar got closer and closer up in her face.

“Bell... calm down. They can’t just give out the information like that.” Baltazar turned to look at Miza, “But, but. Then how will we...” “Excuse me, sirs?” Both turned to the lady, who was in charge of the orphanage register. “Like I said.” She began. “I can’t just give out addresses at random. And since you can’t prove that you’re related to this woman, then it doesn’t look good for your search...”

Baltazar’s face turned gloom. It was like all the color around him died out and became grey.

“But there might just be a way.”

Instantly, Baltazar’s face brightened up. The woman behind the counter turned in her seat and began pressing keys on her computer and click around with her mouse.

“You see... five years ago. A woman related to miss Ravenwood came to search for her as well. She left her business card. It’s all I can give you as of now.” She reached for a file and pulled out a small dull business card.

Baltazar took the card and thanked the lady profusely. Then he darted out the door with Miza dangling behind him.

“So... huff, huff what now?” Miza inquired. Baltazar stopped on a sidewalk and turned to Miza, “Hold out your hands. I need some inspiration.” Miza held out her hands and they both closed their eyes. After minute standing like that, earning the two weird looks from pedestrians they knew where to go.

Penelope power walked down the lane in centrum. She kept looking at her watch and walked faster and faster. She had done it so many times that even her stilettos gnawing at her heels wasn’t a bother anymore. Just slap on some patches and then she would be fine! Oh well, she also had to call Dina and wish her luck on her test and then there was that new apartment opening and then. Umpf!

Penelope, “watch were you’re going!” Staggering back from the impact Penelope surveyed the person in front of her. Messy, oversized coat, bleached hair, smudged glasses, and ... heterochromia? Without noticing Penelope had begun to sneer at the jaywalker. “Uh... I’m! I’m so sorry.” The man begun to bow up and down. So much that Penelope felt nauseous just looking at the other, she asked him or was it a her? To stop.

After the person stopped Penelope made her way to leave until her wrist was grabbed.

Big mistake.

Penelope had practiced martial arts since grade school. She was quite proud of her hand palm block and wrestled the attacker’s hand backwards. A pitiful scream was released and people around the two stared in disbelief. This attacker had to be a man. In Penelope’s opinion it was always men who gave the most ear-piercing scream.

While Baltazar’s soul was about to leave his body, a new guy appeared. “Wait, ms Ravenwood!” Penelope looked at the newcomer. With disdain she said, “Who are you and why do you know my name?” The new guy straightened his back and answered with a slight tremble, “Please, we uh, we wish to speak to you. About Dina.” With those words Penelope let Baltazar go.

“You’re Dina’s father’s acquaintance?” Penelope asked and sipped her free coffee, the two others had brought for her.

The attacker was named Baltazar and the other one, who Penelope had thought to be man, Miza. Both sat opposite from her inside a coffee shop.

The two nodded and Baltazar began, “Yeah, we got your business card at the register. We really didn’t want to bother you... or maybe, just bother you about Dina.” He shrugged helplessly.

Penelope sighed, “I see. Next time don’t jolt me like that. I nearly got a heart attack, you know!”

Both bowed their head to apologize.

“Well, never mind anymore.” She said to make them stop. “I just need to know if you have any proof of your relations. You must know I just can’t send any stranger over to my niece.”

Miza had an aha moment and rummaged around in her purse. “Is the person on the right familiar in any way?” She asked, while pointing to a picture of two people she pulled out of her purse.

Penelope’s face dropped.

She asked for the photo and studied it close.

“It really... is her. Marie...” Penelope said, caressing the picture with her free hand. Her eyes got glassy.

“I see. Only two copies exist of this one. That’s what Marie told me... very well then. Tell me what you want with Dina and then I’ll tell you we’re to find her. But i warn you!” She said, pointing with a stern finger. “If i hear you tried anything fishy, i’ll find some means to drag you two through Hell! If not Dina’s brothers does it first!”

Baltazar held up his hands and broke into a big happy but nervous smile, “We! just wanted her to know about her father and maybe get closure to questions she may have...”

Penelopepaused. then she smiled and then wrote down an address. “She lives with her adoptive brothers. Get along with them and then you’ll get along with Dina.”

The building in front of God and his seraph were quite foreboding. Vines crawled up the walls and held the building in a tight embrace. The leaves were so dense it was hard to know which color the house originally held.

Baltazar started to sweat. He strolled nervously up to the entrance and was about to knock when he heard incoming footsteps.

“I’ll be back later dolls, I just need to...” a young blondie opened the door and was met by Baltazar’s stupefied look. Miza straightened her uniform and looked directly at Dina.

Baltazar, “May you be... miss Dina Ravenwood?”

Dina closed the door somewhat and hid behind it to shield her. “That depends on... What business you two may have...”

Baltazar fretted And didn’t know what to say. His divine power revealed her identity, however he couldn’t just reveal his true form to her. She may be the daughter of a seraph but she shouldn’t get scared.

“Ah! I’m so sorry. Let me introduce me and my companion. I’m Baltazar Farver and this is Miza.” Miza bowed slightly to Dina, “How do you do.” She said.

Dina opened the door some more to look better at the two oddballs on front of her.

“We! Uh, we are acquainted with you dad and we wish to tell you about him and maybe get to know...you?” Dina’s eyes lit up, then she became more apprehensive.

“How do I know you’re telling the truth.” Baltazar looked at Miza in defeat. Miza took the hint and coughed slightly, “Miss Ravenwood. We only have this picture of your mother together with your father.” She gave Dina the picture. Dina’s blue eyes shone like small stars and she looked at the two more brightly.

“Thank you so much!!! Please, come in come in. I’ll be happy to know you! My brothers are not home yet but they’ll be home soon!” Miza and Baltazar breathed out in relief. They began to step into the small house.

An array of demonic aura appeared on the floor inside the hall the moment the two divine beings stepped inside. It forced God and the seraph to reveal their true selves. Baltazar looked at Miza in horror. The array and the sudden change in atmosphere revealed that they were no longer in the second realm. They had entered Hell, the third realm.

Baltazar had a look of horror spread out on his face. Slowly, he looked at Dina who had sprung back after the array had activated. It held Baltazar and Miza in an iron grip making the two unable to move.

Dina was frozen to the ground. She looked at the God and the angel for a long while. Unable to say anything.

Meanwhile, piles of questions weighed down on God’s mind. Why was a human child living in Hell? No, why i Strezia’s child living in Hell? Does her aunt know? Is she a prisoner to an evil demon? Will demons gather now that two from the first realm had appeared?

Baltazar’s train of thought stopped abruptly. He was let down along with Miza and the two looked with surprise at Dina. Dina stood still. And then she lifted a finger to her lips. She then gestured to the two to follow her.

Dina poured three cups of tea with an apologetic look. The two heavenly beings were astounded. Dina had been adopted by two demons who now acted as her guardians. She was apparently also dating another demon and was quite happy with her life.

“And that’s really it.” She finished, “Look, I don’t want to hurt you and I’ll be more than willing to hear about my father. I’ve always wondered what happened.”

Miza had on a face of grave seriousness, “Miss Dina. Our presence here... It might cause some... people. To find rather... what do you say? Complicated. We don’t wish to engage in any hostility with your brothers.”

Dina smiled with relief, “That’s good to hear. I’ll make sure you’ll get out of here safely. But please, meanwhile. Make yourself comfortable.” Baltazar quickly took her up on her words an munched on a cookie he had been offered. Miza shot him a menacing look and Baltazar realized he probably took it a little too well. being in Hell and all.

He sighed and smiled. He’d better get on with it, “You see your father-“

“WHATSUP SLUTS! BIG BRO’S BAAAA.....aaaack.” A boisterous woman kicked open the door to the living room. Her voice was as dark as a man’s. She stopped immediately when she saw the angel and the other divine who sat with Dina.

Everybody turned to look at the newcomer.

Sweat began to form on the lady’s forehead and she cleared her throat, “Haha, welcome dearies.” she had completely changed her tone to a more fairer one.

“Oh Dina, I didn’t know we would have guests. I would’ve dressed for the occasion.”

Dina abruptly stood up, “Ah! Sis! Eh, these two know about my dad!” The lady blinked, “Really?” Suddenly her demeanor changed and she slowly got over and sat beside Miza. “Well, if you have something to tell about Dina that I don’t know. Then I would like to hear as well. The names iklea.” She held up her hand for Baltazar to shake.

“Hello there, the names Baltazar.” Miza quickly shot Baltazar another look. And he retracted his hand. While giving the sister an apologetic look.

Wait. didn’t Dina only have brothers? Balthazar thought.

Iklea looked like she tried to hide her displeasure. Looking thoughtful she sat with crosses arms. “Well, anyways. Didn’t you want to talk about Dina’s dad?” She asked, quite annoyed.

Baltazar cleared his throat, “Yeah! uh, yeah. Sorry.” He then began to tell about Strezia.

“Your dad’s name was Strezia. She was one of the most creative seraphs in my court. Oh, I have a picture.” Baltazar procured a picture of a beautiful fair-skinned lady. Her body was totally covered in a white uniform, with dried paint on. Her hair was even longer than Dina’s and her eyes were piercing as if she was looking directly at the viewer. Her eyes were the same as Dina’s.

“Uhh. Mr, Baltazar?” Dina asked hesitantly. “Isn’t this a picture of a woman?”

Baltazar blinked, not once but twice before Miza shot him another glare. “Oh yeah, you father was actually a woman.”

Dina looked slightly surprised. She looked at Iklea then back at Baltazar. “My father? Was a woman? And an angel at that?” She was sounding rather sceptical. Balthazar didnt blame her. But the God did wonder. hadn’t she been living with demons!

Baltazar, “Well, its not hard to change gender when you’re an angel. Or a demon for that matter. And I know for a fact that Strezia loved to explore the nuances of existence.”

Iklea smiled and put an arm around Dina, “Reminds me of someone i know.” She winked. “Excluding the shapeshifting part.” The siblings grinned at each other.

Miza looked at the picture and sighed, “Strezia was like an elder sister to all of us.”

Balthazar looked fondly at thepicture too, “When she told me she had fallen in love with a human woman I tried to warn her.”

Dina, “Warn her? About what?”

Baltazar looked down, “Humans don’t live forever... I was afraid she would get hurt and then... Look, Strezia wasn’t aware that your mother was pregnant. If she knew...” Baltazar could feel tears forming. He quickly wiped them away.

Dina’s face was frozen, “Mr, Baltazar? Sorry I’m asking but... my father, you address him in past tense could it be that...”

Dina didn’t say anymore. Baltazar lip quivered. He tried to pull himself together. Miza put a hand on Baltazar’s back. Dina took Iklea’s hand and Iklea squeezed it back.

Shadows swept the halls of the Fabricated Castle. The light from the mosaic windows danced around and found a silhouette which appeared at the end of the stairs leading to the main hall.

Red eyes surveyed the foyer and the gaze went towards the living room.

Hearing unfamiliar voices the silhouette took on a more human appearance with a nice blazer and matching pants.

He opened the door and first saw his sister Dina and then Ikle, “I’m back.” He said, then stopped in the doorway. When the guy opposite of Dina turned around something deep inside of Rosell sank.

Voices. Voices which had been hidden away since he met Dina returned.

Kill. Kill. Revenge. Chance. Take it!

“Ross-!” Dina yelled and got up. Iklea, who really was Ikle, hurried to make Dina stop before she finished the name.

Rosell’s eyes were fixated on Baltazar.

The God he had spent centuries getting to. He now sat in his living room. Free from his court’s protection.

He had never been this close. So close yet...

Balthazar, “Hello, you must be Dina’s brother. I’m Dina’s father’s Uh... acquaintance.” The God got up from his seat, turned to Rosell and smiled.

The dread dissipated.

Rosell, “Dina’s?”

Rosell looked at Dina and Ikle who were about to burst.

He then took a looked at the seraph, who was also present in the room.

It seems like... there was some explaining to do.

Dina’s elder brother took off his coat. A small smile formed on rosell’s lips.

“Where are my manners. You can call me Ross.”

“Ross” held out a hand for God to sake. Baltazar returned the smile and shook the other man’s hand, “I’m Baltazar.”

Ross, “I know.”

Baltazar felt dread roll down his body.

Rosell, “You hurt me, my lord. I may be a common demon. as you might have guessed from the array at the entrance. Currently disguised as a human for Dina’s sake. But I know my way in this world. And the people one has to know about” He looked directly through Baltazar.

“Surely, you must have been aware that this is Hell when you arrived, right.”

Baltazar nodded. Unable to say much more.

Ross let go of Baltazar’s hand, “Now, tell me. What have I been missing?”

Ross, “I see, that explains a lot.”

Dina, “It does?”

Ross, “It explains why you got the eyes of God.”

Baltazar almost spilled his tea, “She’s got my eyes???” This statement prompted a facepalm from Miza.

Rosell shook his head, “Not yours per see. More like, what priestess in the old world prayed to be able to see through you. To see things that normal people wouldn’t.”

Miza took a sip from a teacup. “You mean she can see magic beings?”

Rosell scoffed, “No, not at all. She still believes my tail is some weird furry statement i have going. Dina turned to Ross, “Ross please!” She then turned to the divine pair and confirmed, “I’ve always been able to, since I was small.”

Miza sighed and tried not to show her disdain for the demon, “That must’ve been difficult. Your peers must have found you rather peculiar. We are terribly sorry we did not know of your existence earlier. We should’ve been able to help you.” SHe glanced at “Iklea” and “Ross”, “Much earlier.”

Ross glared at the seraph who gladly returned the gesture. It was so intense that Miza could only try to drink from an empty cup and act like she didn’t notice the cup was empty.

Dina, “Not at all! My childhood was... but then I met Ross and Iklea. Since then.. I’ve been rather content. I even decided when my business in the human world is finished. I’d actually like to stay permanently here with my boyfriend... if he still likes me in the future that is.”

Iklea broke into laughter, “HAH! He better. ‘Else I know of a few heartbreaking words to tell him.”

Nobody in the room liked the obvious wink Iklea sent towards the group.

“But back to my dad....” Dina tried.

Baltazar’s face dropped, “Yeah! Right!”

“As I said, Strezia fell in love with a woman named Marie Ravenwood. She stayed together with Marie for some human years until one day... She came home. Locked herself in her room and didn’t show her face for quite some time... Miza.” Balthazar gestured to the seraph, “Found out that ms. Ravenwood had cut ties to her. And then thirteen years ago... you mother. You probably know know what happened.”

Dina gulped and looked down. Ross sat beside her and watched her every move.

Dina’s mother had died giving birth to her. Her mother had cut all ties to her family because of improper conduct. She would rather give Dina up for adoption than let her parents know of her daughter’s existence. As Dina had been told by her aunt.

“I felt it when you mother died.” Balthazar continued when DIna confirmed she knew.

“Her connection to Strezia made all of Strezia’s closest feel it too. I knew something would happen so I... I forced myself into Strezia’s room. But she was gone. A few days later. Strezia’s light disappeared from this existence...” Dina felt cold.

“Nobody knew what had happened to her as she had thrown away her halo.”

Dina sat frozen. Her shoulders trembled. Dina got up and went out the door. Ross got up too and followed after her. Balthazar could only stare as he was at a loss at what to do. It had been twentyfive years ago and he still remembered the day as if it was today it had happened.

Iklea sighed, “Don’t worry, she... just have to swallow it. They’ll be back. After she gets it out.”

Baltazar felt her pain. A girl who had never met her parents.. and for both of them to wind up dead. Truly sad.

Baltazar closed his eyes. His empathy gave birth to an inkling of inspiration. He used it to see where the two had gone. ‘

A gentle hand calmly patted a young weeping maiden while rocking her back and forth. A good man consoling his little sister. Whispering reassuring words to her.

After a while Iklea went too and the three of them soon got back.

Baltazar got up from his seat, “I’m sorry that you and Strezia never got to meet. But I’m happy nonetheless to finally being able to meet you. I-“ “Wait a moment.” Ross said.

Baltazar stopped.

Ross, “I think I know what happened to Strezia.”

Miza got up instantly.

“You do??? What happened? What do you mean?”

Baltazar looked hopeful at Ross. However, Strezia’s soul had moved on. She wouldnt turn up alive, even if balthazar wanted it. Still, Baltazar wanted closure so he prompted Ross to tell what he knew.

“Some time back. An angel went on a rampage throughout some shopping districts in Hell’s capital. Many high demons came to stop her but her attacks were relentless. She didn’t even try to protect herself. Charging head on.”

They all listened attentively. Nobody were sitting anymore, holding their breaths.

Ross, “She stirred up such a huge incident that the Devil himself showed up.”

Baltazar felt stiffened. He always got trembling fits every time the Devil was mentioned. he tried to gulp down the unease.

“He tried to subdue her.” Ross continued. “But when he went for the killing strike she suddenly threw her sword and met the attack with open arms. He refused her the kill and stopped immediately. But, something in her eyes drove her to steal away his sword, Redwoo, and then she... ended it herself.”

The atmosphere which surrounded the room lay heavily on the people inside.

Baltazar felt weak and wanted to scream and cry. He blamed himself. His inefficiency. He was supposed to be God but he couldn’t even help one who had been so close to him.

The loss of Marie was so big that Strezia didn’t even want to be in a world where Marie wasn’t there. A tragedy befitting of such a beautiful love. If this had been a tragedy.

Baltazar flinched when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He lifted his head to see Dina with tears in her eyes. “Thank you for coming today.” Her voice was weak and trembling. She fought hard to keep the tears at bay. Baltazar only felt worse when he saw her. He then embraced the girl. And thanked her too. Holding back tears.

She never knew them. But she wished she had. Still, she couldn’t help but feel sad for two people who had loved each other and tried to protect each other. Angels’ life span far surpasses that of a human. With a baby on the way, Miza concluded it must’ve been because Marie wanted to spare Strezia the heartbreak of outliving her child and wife. Nobody knew for sure.

“Thanks for having us!” Baltazar beamed. He stood outside of Ross, Iklea and Dina’s house. Miza and him were preparing to go back.

“I’m so happy I came to meet you Dina! And your nice elder siblings of course. Even though I thought that you had two brother to start with... but well, it’s really been fun! Though, maybe a tad bit sad.” Iklea stood and supressed a laugh. Ross only elbowed her.

Baltazar clasped Dina’s hands, “I might be God and have business other places but I would really like it if we kept in contact with each other! You’re really bright and I’m sure Strezia would’ve been so proud of you. So I hope that I can come and visit again. You know, to tell you more and stuff!”

With a returned beaming smile Dina answered, “Yes of course! I really want to know more as well. And you’re really interesting my lord. Even Ross and Ikle- I mean Iklea liked you. And I’m sure they don’t mind.” Dina looked back at her siblings they both nodded in agreement.

“I’m just... I’m just sad that my dad didn’t know about me...” Baltazar patted Dina’s head, “Yeah, it could’ve been different.”

Dina shook her head, “It could’ve. However, I’m happy as is.” She then turned to look at her siblings. Baltazar was truly happy for her.

Miza and Baltazar then said goodbye and disappeared towards the first realm.

“I’m sorry Rosell.” Dina said sheepishly. “I didn’t realize he was God until later...”

“It’s ok. I’m glad you made him stay.”

“You... are?”

“Yeah.”

#original content #writing #God and Devil #World of Alurre #Romance #Fantasy #otherworldly #lgbt #lgbtq community

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