#i hate my fuckung self

[irkimatsu]

You know the song Engravings???

"I had to throw up the truth, but you already knew, that in a month we'd be strangers-"

Lowkey gives Huskcore vibes but then again the song Older???

"Think I need someone older, just a little bit colder, take the weight off my shoulder.. I think I need someone older.."

God the way I need to fuck him, not him to me.. But me, fuckung him.. The wheels would come off so fast father- Only Satan knows all the dirty thoughts I have about that man. If I posted them I'd be banned for thirstiness.

Finally got a chance to check these out! Hopefully I listened to the right songs - please include artists, I'm an old person who has no idea who the kids are listening to these days!

"Engravings" by Ethan Bortnick:

...that's a self-harm song. Oof. That is a self-harm song. Would Husk...? I mean, he already is with the drinking, but more directly...?

What I'm getting from this is the singer having a toxic relationship with someone who won't open up about their trauma, and instead uses that trauma as an excuse for abusing the singer... that's just my interpretation, anyway. I can absolutely see Husk being hurt by a partner who wouldn't open up about their emotions, we already know how much he hates that shit...

"Older" by Isabel LaRosa:

Aaaa, daddy kink, the song. Can absolutely see a partner of Husk's seeing his age and therefore maturity as an attraction point... and Husk sees it that way, too, that his maturity will make him a better partner for someone younger who may be inexperienced and even naive, in need of "protecting". Maybe it's a little creepy? It's not his intent to be creepy, but that sort of protective, "don't bother with the creeps your age, I know what I'm doing and can make you happier than he can" attitude... he's really not trying to be manipulative about it! ...but when I type it out in the context of this song it sounds that way. Oof. I love that daddy kink, but do be careful, Husk. I really don't think he'll hurt anyone, and he definitely won't go for anything outright illegal. Consent is a big thing for him, if he's making his younger flame uncomfortable he will back the hell off. But if it's the younger-and-legal one pursuing him first, and he feels the attraction in turn, what reason does he have to say no? There can absolutely be some drama about the gap. Not everyone is going to trust his intentions from the outside...

Thanks for the recs!

#irk blubbers about nothing #irk huskposts #irk got asked a thing #irk talks to strangers

[fuck-customers]

I'm a bakery worker at a grocery store, and I actually don't mind customers most of the time. However— if you are rude to me during my break, and treat me like I'm sub-human just because I'm in uniform and CUT IN FRONT OF ME WHEN IM TRYING TO FUCKUNG BUY FOOD? I hate you. I want to bite you in the arm, but thankfully I have self control.

#submissions #fuck customers #tw violent language

[its-inevitable-lupe]

I haven’t been here in a bit. And I’m stress by the poodle around me. This S girl. I don’t know what’s HAPPENING…… like I went to visit my roommate at her job at work and Ssss was there and I tap her and she looks behind and her smile….. dead… gorgeous woman. And follows me like a cute mf puppy and I’m stupid bc I push her away many times and we have this thing.. and when I tell you I LIKE HER. it’s a whole year now and I just!!?! But same story. And then I send her a pic I was at the gym and Harry Potter was playing on my screen and it was a sign.. and her FRIEND who goes to my gym brings a plus one which is her. WHEN SHE GOES TO AM EXPENSIVE GYM. But SHE WANTED TO COME AND HER SMILE WHEN SHE SEES ME AND UGH. My other friend who comes with me side eyes IT ALL LOL she knows. And last weekend I visited her friend at a new job restaurant she was at. S I send a picture that we visited her friend (let me tell u her friend is hmmm 👀 to me lmao bye) scary. No but S was like i WOULD OF GONE AND was like I never take her out and stuff a jdbdkdndf and I JUST DONT FUCKUNG KNOW. And when we said bye to her at the gym she’s like NEXT TIME INVITE ME LOL. Puts me in the spot and I’m like ALWAYS. And I just wanted to stab myself because I DONT DO ANYTHING WRONG. And I DONT DO SHIT AND IM FUCKING SCARED TO LET PEOPLE IN WITHOUT ME ALREADY LEAVING EVERYONE AS USUAL. IM SCARED OF PEOPLE REALLY LEAVING ME WITHOUT IT NOT BEING MY FAULT. LIKE I HAVE TO DO BAD THINGS SO THAT IS A REASON WHY WOULD LEAVE ME NOT BECAUSE IM A GOOD PERSON WHO IS THERE. And then this other girl I wanted to ask too but ah.. and she invited me to this 5kkkk Run and I just ?!?!! And I’m STRESS BC IF S LEAVES THEN I WILL HATE AMD WE WILL NOT EVEN .. I WANT US TO DO SOMETHING AND THE FIRST TIME IM SO FUCKING FUCK THAT I AM STUCK IN EHAT TO MESSAGE OR SAY THAT I HAVE TO TELL MY FRIEND TO TELL ME AND I JUST WANNA MOVE AWAY AND NEVER LIKE ANYONE OT HAVE ANYTHING AND LMAOOOOOOOOOOO I HAVE TO GET READY BC I HAVE TO GO TO THE MOVIES WITH FRIENDSSS AND HER GYM IS OUTSIDE THE CINEMA AND I WANNA LEAVE HER A NOTE IN HER CAR LIKE I DID LAST TIME WHICH WAS MY FAVORITE THING EVER WHEN I DIDNT INVITE HER AND PASS BY HER GYM AMD SHE SEND ME A PICTURE AND BISH GOT THICK NICE WELL LEGS FOR HER SMALL SELF LOL BUT UGH FUCK DONT GO

#s #my thoughts #and we don’t follow on social media when we talk sm irl lmao bc we like each other

[friedricegrain]

i hate this. im so fuckung mad ar myself. what is wrong w me. 2years of self harm free down the drain. im so mad at myself. im gonna drag down the people i love. my wonderful perfectly normal boyfriend and my hurting best friend. im meany to be fixed. my bsf will see slmehow n she’ll get worse. my bf will see and be upset. i fucking hate bpd. all this bcs his tones off?! i miterally wish i was dead

[alternateanonymous]

I don’t feel pretty. I never do. Sometimes I do. But when I look at myself in the mirror I hate it.y shoulders r to wide and my face is ugly. Like wtf. Why can’t I look like that pretty fucking girl I see all the time. Ugh, like. Sometimes I can be pretty, but I’ve been working out and my FUCKUNG shoulders r big and I hate it. My stomach is also chubby which I don’t like, but it’s ok because I’m back home and won’t be eatin as much. Plus I’m trying to be extra self discipline about eating out. Ugh. I still hate how I look tho. My hairs nice only when I clean it like every FUCKUNG day. And my fave is just ugly. There’s nothing that looks pretty about my face unless I put makeup/ clean up my entire look. And only then do I feel confidentish in myself. Ugh.

[frankpunisher]

i want to rip every negative thought ive ever had out of me and never think again

#i hate my fuckung self #someone get me a megaphone #I HATE MYSEEEELF #txt #a whisper

[sonicfrontiers]

i m goigntno teta my fucking eqra off of i mead i wanna scratch them until they bleed i wish i waa deaf i donmt want to hear abything anymore whycab’t everyone shut shut te fuck up

#lin.txt #dxnt rb #she fuckung MKNOIWS how kuch it hurts me but she LOOKS AT ME AND JUST DID IT LODUER #WHY THE FUCK WOULD AHE DO THAT EHEN SHE KNOWS!! SHE KNOWS HOW MUCH IT HURTS ME SHE KNOWS THAT IT’S THE MOST PAINFUL THING IN TBE WORLD #AND SHE JUST LOOKE DAT ME AND DID IT LIDER #I AM GOONG TO STAB MYSELF IN THE EARS UNTIL THEY BLEED IM GOING TO CREACH AT THEM UNTIL I CAN TEAR THEM OFF #I AM GOING TO RIP THEM OFF NY FUCKIGN SELF #WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE DO THAT DHE KNOWS WHAT IT DOES TO ME #I FUUCKIGN THATE HER I HATE HOW HE DOESN’T CARE I HATE HOW HE ACTS AROYND US AND HOW SHE DOEBS’T CARE #I WISH NY DAD DIDB’T LEAVE BECAUS EHE KNIWS WHAT TO DO HE’S THE ONLY ONE WHO FUCKIHN ACRES #BUT BECAUSE OF MY FUCKIG MOM GE HAD TO KEAVE AMD BOW I’M ALONE #I’M GOING TO TEAR THEM OFF I’M GOIN SCRATCH AT MY THROAT H TIL IT BLEADS AND I DO ‘T HEAVE TO HEAR MYSRLF CRY ANYMORE #HE WOULD UNDERSTAND WHTAT TO DO HE WOULD JNOW HOW TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BUT NOW HE’A AN HOURS WALK AYWAY #AND IT’S 045 AT NIGT AND I CANmT DO THAT #I CAN’T MAKE IT THERE AND I’M FUCKING ALINE AGAIN #SHE TOON MY FUUNCIG HEADSET SO I CAN’T EVEN DROWN IT OUT ALL I CAN DO IS HIDE IN MY ROOM WITH NY SOUND MACHINE #BUT THEY’RE RIGHT OHTSIDE I CAN STILL HEAR THEM AND SHE DOES ‘T FUCKING CARE #I WISH I WAS DEAF I WISH I DIDB’T HEVA EOT HEAR ANYTHING I WANT TO BLOW MY RARDRUMS OUT #I WANT MY RARS TO BLEED UNTIL THEY GO BUMB AND I CAN’T USE THEM ABYMORE GOS I WISH I WAS FUCKIG DEAF

[timingmatters]

Okay so reading spoilers before watching the show I was scared I wasn’t gonna root for omander thanks to Omar cheating (fuck the writers for that). I def aren’t a fan of that whole shit show. And i am pissed. But after watchingI get it.

It was one sexual intercourse right? The make out and then the fucking if i’m not wrong. I hated it. But I was like “okay, Omar is confused and doesn’t know if he wants to commit as much as he is with Ander with the cancer, which is valid, bc these things are complex and he’s young AND this is his first ever relationship. He had a moment when he was all messed up and Ander had apologized to him earlier that day and the stupid fucking idiot comes and takes advantage of that. I was pissed that Omar was looking at him not paying attention to Ander later that day, but then Ander did say ‘see other people I get it’ which is fuckung garbage BC WHATS HAPPENING ISNT HIS FAULT, but Omar, who thinks this dude is hot is frustrated bc his very new sex life with his bf isn’t working. Is garbage. I hate it. But I can see why a 18 year old who is already doubting how he can manage the relationship, would just be like ‘fine fuck it i’ll fuck someone else then’. Then obviously he starts getting attached. What I hated the most was that Omar never came clean. Ander did something similar in s2, with Omar feeling like a burden and Ander confused (albeit not as bad bc their relationship WAS confusing atm not as settled as in s3), but Ander confessed right away. Omar never fucking did. I keep thinking that maybe is bc Omar was going to break up with Ander. That goodbye was def a break up. And Ander heard he cheated anyways. He knew. He didn’t blame Omar bc he knew their relationship was feeling like a burden WHICH IS GARBAGE. Omar didn’t deserve to be pissed at Ander maybe cheating, at all. He then realized at the end of the day he didn’t want to be away from Ander. He knew he was going through the chemi results. He had the chance to start from scratch with a guy he had feelings for, and wouldn’t have to worry about such big commitments at such a young age. He still chose Ander. So I hate it. But i get it. To be so young, relatively new to the relationship, and new to relationships im general is scary. I can see why you would self sabotage just to see and ask ‘is this really what i want?’ At the end of the day my biggest pet peeve was that Omar didn’t confess. Even in his last speech. He never apologized. But at least he understood his mistake and understood he didn’t want that. That he wasn’t trapped and truly just wanted Ander. Again, I hate it. But I get it. If I were to put myself in his shoes, knowing Omar and Ander are both younger than me, maybe I would have fucked up just as much. So yes. I can root for them even if i hated this storyline and they both deserved better.”

That was my thought process about Omander s3. Everyone enjoy it

#elite #omander #elite spoilers

[6x6equals12]

I fucking hate feeling this DUMBASS baby inside my body i fucking hate it i hate myself i hate my fucking self im so fuckung stupid i would rather have cancer

[charlices-life]

tuesday

im trying to fix myself while also ignoring myself.. it’s not working and i keep getting high and forgetting

im scared for myself because i think i need support from the people around me but i hate asking for things and part of me is really scared it will always be like this because it’s been going on for so long

i want to be better and i want to be doing well mentally without needing the support of others or drugs

it’s not even support it’s just distractions…

i fucking need therapy ❤️

it’s so annoying because every day i fight the urge to get high and like 50% of the time i end up doing it anyways

the hardest part of this is that… i actually dont know what i need at all(besides therapy) because i don’t know what i want. i’ve been in this stuck place for a couple months and i cope by getting high and ignoring it but im actually so confused about life rn. it’s like depression except i act happy and no one helps me

even if someone tried to help me i don’t know how they would help. im not the type of person to tell people that im not doing okay. and im especially not gonna ask people for help let alone mental help.

i hate that im like this but yeah… i don’t hate myself and im not self pitying or anything im just really confused about my existence and purpose

i keep forgetting that i love people and i asleep thinking i hate all my friends but i know i dont and i dont know why i keep doing that. i never know what to do with my time also, i think getting a job will help.

i need:

-job

-therapy

-throw away drugs

my heart really wants to go to a crazy fucking party and get so fucking trashed that i cant walk and im hallucinating.. this week is the last week that i will do drugs. i’m gonna go out with a bang on saturday and get fuckung wrecked. i think this is what i need to do to move on and get closure, also i need to get rid of the fucking weed so i’m not tempted by it.

i love being my own boss because it’s freeing but also i make bad decisions and i’m scared for my safety

i wish i and more friends but i literally dont like anyone at my school they are all weird

[eyesopod]

.

#kades bs #self harm // #i fuvkung hate relapsing #i didnt even cut dep but #its in such an obvious fuckung spot #im ao stupid #and if my mom even sees a tiny fucki scrape she'l #freak the fuck out #and ill probably get my knife twke away #even tho i didnt use my fuckig knife #and ill have my room searched and ill have to go to therapyst #which is fuckung pointless bc my old therapist moved to england #and im not going to a new ine #and #u g h

[monzterzack]

sometimes i feel like... my problems are just bullshit, sure my parents dont like me, my grades are horrible and im about to be kicked out of school, but all that is just pure bullshit, like... im probably and over grown over emotional child who is a stupid piece of shit for even being affected by this

others have it real hard, i had seen people all around me suffer way more, friends who had fall into a deep depression, and its just... i want to help them but i dont know how, and i dont evem think we are friends enough for them to want me to help them out

and its just... i just... why am i so sad?, my life is easy, i dont have much problems, all my issues are stupid and... i feel bad... because... how can i even say im this sad when i dont live the pain my friends go trought, what kind of moron am i???

i feel like... cancer, like... im what's wrong with the world, like my existance only makes life harder for others

i dont even know why am i this sad, i should be happy that my problems are just bullshit

family abuse? everyone haves it, its not special so it shouldnt hurt me, self hate? everyone deals with it, so why am i this sad all the time?, why cant i just live like everyone else???

i really really feel bad, because... i want to help my friends, i dont like being powerless when i see how much it hurts to them, but we are not even that close, so why does it hurt?

and it all goes back to the same, why do i even try to connect to others when i probably just make their life worse, i just... why do i even exist?

why cant o be haooy and grateful that i dont have it as hars as others? why do i feel so empty and alone and worthless?

and... its just.... i feel stupid for crying about it like... what kind of piece of shit i am??? ans i wanna dissapear and die so everyone can be happy and everyone will be better and its gonna be like "finally he died" but the reality is that no one would even care if i died

and i come here to tumblr because it... it feels nice that some people seem to care, and it almost feels like maybe i have a reason to be alive, maybe im not entirely worthless but then... then i have this days where i look up and face the real world, and i stop hiding behind this stupid blog and the stupid characters i fucking write and... i realize.... it is all for nothing, its worth nothing, its not... its not ok for me to do them because its just a waste of time and ... and i feel like burning everything, trowing my sketchbooks and burning them because they are stupid and why did i even tho they would be worth anything

but if i do that then i will be alone and i will have to leave behind my safe world where i can pretend people dont need a reason to be alive

and... its all... fucking stupid, i feel like my brain is half dead and im so fucking stupid that this little things hurt so much, that my chest hurts so much that my breathing hurts and that i cant even sob about it because if somebody hears it they will ask me whats wrong and i wont have a reason to say why am i so stupidly saf and why i feel so stupidly alone

i cry all nights wishing for someone to tell me this sadness will go, for someone to hug me and tell me that no matter what things will be ok, but its stupid because nothing is wrong, i shouldnt be sad, i shouldnt feel bad, and who am i run to?

selfish piece of shit moronic jerk of a son of a bitch i am

and i just want to hit myself and make myself suffer so at least i have a reason to cry, so at least i have a fuckung reason to cry, u wanna fucking cry i will give u a fuckung reason u stupid piece of shit, but it only leaves me loopy and dizzy and ut doesnt change anything

i dont know what im doing where um goung what i want, i dont know i dont care i dont even fucking want to care, why why would i why would i fucking care, ill just hurt people and ill just make life hell for others so why dont god kills me??

why god why god, why dont you finish me and kill me, why do u want me to be around others? why do u want me to make their lifes worse? why dont you just take me to hell or whatever place u plan to keeo tortuing me

why did u made me this sad and pathetic?

why cant i just kill myself? why am i so afraid of dying? why am i a coward? why cant i do the world a favor and dissapear?

why did u made me this sad

[thatgirlkalani]

Everything rant.....Can I die yet

Its just so fucking much like its fucking pint up anger and depression and anxiety and sadness and all this other shit and I hate crying because i can go from one thing to the next and cry for fucking hours and im trapped I have no fucking freedom i cant catch a fucking uber i cant catch the fucking bus im barely fucking allowed outside by myself they still tell me when tf to go to bed IM FUCKING 16 GTFOMF I juss need some fucking space I just wanna get out my mom wants "so much good " for me and dosen't get she's suffocating me cause of her own paranoia and personal preference and to make her feel better it's never about me I DONT WANNA BE COMFORTED BC YHU FEEL LIKE A SHITTY PARENT IF YOU JUST LET ME CRY well let me fucking cry she changed her and my dads name in my phone i changed it right back to "Sperm donor "& "birthgiver" theres a connection missing a bridge that they burned that idk if it'll ever be fixed im not comfortable having them and mom & dad im my phone I'm not comfortable completely claiming them i just cant I haven't seen my sister since I was 11 IM 16 FUCKING YEARS OLD MAN I havent seen her since i was 11 5 fuckung years because she knows our dad is on that nut shit and my mom is crazy she wont come see me bc of them and the one time she was gonna do it anyway MY DAD FUCKS US OVER ..she wont come because she can escape the crazy...I'm stuck in it my mom is so full of it she constantly tells me im perfect how i am but i just want to be skinny but what does she tell me "you're delusional stop believing the lies you're not fat but you cant be skinny" ofc I cry MORE than im already crying bc my fucking Bestfriend is moving back to fucking NYC where I cant fucking protect him and I fuck w shorty I really do but I feel like I'm being forced to just hand him off to her and that highkey hurts like hell and im being told to "sacrifice " "there's plenty pf years ahead for you to have fun"..not if i have anything to do with it just ...bc im in school when I can make a way to live and be in school just give me the permission but no I have to "sacrifice " IM FUCKING TRAPPED I NEED FUCKING PERMISSION TO WALK AROUND MY FUCKJNG HOUSE I just want an escape man nd im tired of niggas playing w my emotions IVE LIKED YOU SINCE NOVEMBER MF yhu don't want a relationship...i respect that..but you like me and sometimes you act like it most times you don't i honestly cant read you and i dont like thT shit BUT YHU NEVER WANNA TALK ABOUT IT..BUT YHU DONT LIKW THE BROKEN LABEL¿ WELL IM SORRY THAT I WAS FUCKED OVER AND WAS FORCED TO PUT UP A WALL AND THAT YOURE NOT HELPING ..."move on" they say I would but when i decide i might here yhu come hitting my phone or i see a video or picture and im yours again i cant fucking leave...Ashton came along and I could really fuckin like him but no im stuck on you I can like him all I want but let me see you and its over so even if i did move on to him i can't be completely happy bc i put too tooo 5,4,3&2 much time into you you could be perfect personality wise but you're so difficult i get fucking nervous texting you with him i dont but its still not you. You dont over sexualize me and thats not all thats on your mind with him I can tell it might be a problem i don't wanna send fucking nudes im too self conscious but you ask for pictures of me smiling WHO TF DOES THAT ILY FOR IT....but you don't like the broken label....and you don't want a relationship and idek if yhu even gaf..but im stuck until you make me move on... Im scared to tell niggas off about sexual shit i don't wanna be ignored but after what I've been thru... i dont even like sex unless i really care about you but i hate sending nudes i hate being asked for them i hate being sexualized i hate it all like just cuddle me and dont like clearly try to grope my ass and boobs thatd be great thanks....am I dead yet

[aliltoasty-blog]

Duck me

Ducks me. you ask for my opinion but fucking get upset and pissed off at me for telling you the truth. fuck you you depressing fuck. fucking dragging me down with you’re dark vibe. fuckin acting like my mom.

can never fucking make her happy. she fucking gets pissed off over fucking nothing

i get drunk?

okay cool lol

i get too drunk

OH FUCKING NO

IM IN FUCKING TIME OUT LIKE TF

FUCK THIS

I NEED A NEW FUCKING ROOMMATE ASK.

too fucking self conscious and too fucking worried about this fucking ass hole of a guy that does fuckung care ab you anyways

literally fucking sitting here talking ab how he’d tAlk to other bitjchs when she gives him space. if that’s the case... break up with him then

like tf. i don’t fucking get it.

you take no ones advise so fuck you. don’t fucking hate me over the fuckung truth.

[jankedbrain]

i fucked is last night and binged but frankly im sick of it. food is a comfort for me and it's too difficult for me not to be a fat bitch lmao. i hate my fuckung body so much but i have no motivation or self control to starve. chewing and spitting out food doesn't work. im so tired