#i just. i don't understand why you'd pay thousands of pounds a year to get constructive feedback

[thedreadvampy]

not to be a dick but if you've been through actual university level art school and you still think that it's unreasonable bullying to be asked to push yourself or experiment with different art styles or to have aspects of your artwork criticised by people you asked for an opinion. what was the point of art school for you exactly?

when people say shit like 'my art school tutors told me my art was bad bc it was too anime and cartoonish ☹️' that may be true but I'm not gonna lie what I suspect happen is they told you 'you should work on developing a solid foundation for any art style you choose by pushing yourself to try more representational art Anne getting comfortable with ways of seeing and understanding images' and what you heard is 'NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO DRAW CARTOONS EVER AND YOUR WORK IS WORTHLESS'

and furthermore I suspect that you were really annoying in crits and took any even slightly negative comment or suggestion as a personal attack even though literally the point of art school is to learn to take and grow from constructive advice from your peers.

shout out to the girl on my undergrad who burst into tears literally every crit for three years even though about the nastiest thing anyone said to her was 'it might look cleaner if you rubbed out any of your pencil lines after inking and also used a clean rubber while sketching.' and guess whose art didn't improve at all over three years and whose technique actively got sloppier while other people were moving forward in leaps and bounds? yeah.

there were people who started uni as the best in the class and ended as some of the worst bc they just weren't prepared to listen to criticism or change how they did anything. and there were people who started out very mediocre and went on to produce incredible professional work to a high standard bc they listened and were open to change. and that's got nothing to do with who was more painterly and who was more cartoony or whatever it's just. when you ask advice and get something you don't want to hear do you chew on it and try it out or do you dig your heels in and do more of the same?

and like I'm not saying there's anything wrong with sticking to your guns and doing art the way you want to do art and the way that brings you joy. I'm just saying if you don't want feedback, teaching or advice on how to improve I'm really not sure what the benefit of art school is that you couldn't get several thousand pounds cheaper by staying home and drawing there.

(and I'm also saying if you come out of art school like BOOHOO NOBODY LIKES MY STYLE AND MY ART IS WORTHLESS you might. need to pull yourself together and say either I'm committed to this style regardless of whether people like it and I'm going to keep building on this style and make it amazing, or I want to make art that's more like the work people like and I value, what could I change to get more where I want to go? but if you lie down and say waaaaaah it's so unfair that my art is bad and everyone else is just more talented than me then bullshit. by the time you've graduated art school talent is not the deciding factor in the quality of your work. it's a question of your willingness and capacity to put the work in, take criticism, understand what you want to achieve, and slog through trying and failing to get a certain effect until it improves. professional level art is not an innate talent it's a trained skill, and some people might start further along the path than others bc of their talent, eye or training, but the distance between someone who's talented but unpractised and someone who's less talented but puts a lot of thought and work in closes extremely rapidly. it can be disheartening but if you want to do this professionally rather than for yourself you gotta feel your frustration, have a good scream and cry about it, then get back in to figuring out what you need to build on. bc we're all guilty of sometimes going HOWEVER HARD I WORK I'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS MY PEERS but no offence if you just lie down and give up where does that get you? if you just start going 'actually you should all feel bad for not liking my work more' instead of making your work more appealing or finding the right audience for it, that's on you not on anyone else. what was the point of art school????)

#needless bitching time #i just. i don't understand why you'd pay thousands of pounds a year to get constructive feedback #and then spend the year treating any feedback as a personal attack #save your money my guy of you want to do it on your own and you don't think other people have anything to tell you #then don't pay 6 grand a year to not listen to other people's advice #saw three consecutive art posts on here of ppl being like MY TUTORS TOLD ME NOT TO DO ANIME ART BC THEY JUST DON'T GET ME #WHY ARE ALL MY PEERS DOING BETTER THAN ME DESPITE US ALL GRADUATING AT THE SAME TIME #friends it's not bc you do anime art it's bc they tried new things and learnt new skills and you dug your heels in bc anime is What You Do #but like. successful cartoonists and anime artists are ppl who've at least had a crack at life drawing and realism #to know what they're stylising and how #I'm sure there's some teachers going NO ANIME EVER but I'm p sure most of your tutors were actually saying #don't just do anime bc it's what you know how to do. try other styles bc even if you're bad at them you'll learn something #it's not just anime like. ppl who come in only doing photorealism are pushed to stylise more. #you should be pushed out of your comfort zone. different styles. different media. that's not where you're being asked to END UP. #it's a LEARNING PROCESS #like a lot of my direct tutelage was like. pushing me to do looser more gestural blockier art #use an a6 piece of paper and a fat marker pen for life drawing #or no lines only blocks of shadow #or use a 3 colour palette with no midtones #or draw 30 thumbnails in a minute #and the art i made like that SUUUUUUUUUCKED. and it's meant to. it's not meant to be how you work from now on. #it's meant to help you identify what you're missing and where your blind spots are #and what you can incorporate into your work moving forward #red said

[lostysworld]

A healing touch – Kaz Brekker x reader

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 (final)

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader

Warning: OOC (I hope it's not too much in this chapter :D), a little bit of angst.

Summary: something inevitable happens, that causes you to reveal your true feelings

A/N: I hope guys, you'll like it) Also I was hit by the song "Paradise" by Chase Atlantic, and I think it's perfect for them here))

Masterlist

The weather is perfect. Perfect for visiting your friends in the Crow Club. You don't have any plans for the whole day, and not even for helping your parents in the bakery, so you decide to spend this morning with pleasure.

The anticipation of seeing Kaz is so strong, after yesterday's evening, that your fingertips are tingling with joy. Does it mean, he will finally start treating you another way, more...intimate.

But when you come up to the club's doors, two men from Brekker's guard block your way. As you want to ask what the matter is, Jasper appears behind their backs.

– It's okay, guys. Let me settle this, - he claps their shoulders and comes to you.

– What's going on, Jas? - it is strange, that you are not allowed to go further. The boy's glance changes from cheerful to sympathetic one.

– I'm afraid, you are banished, Y/N.

– What?! Kaz banished me?

What you could possibly do to cause such a move from the man. When you left him yesterday's night, everything was alright.

– I want to talk to him.

– Y/N, I don't think-

– He banished me from the club, and, as I suppose, from the Slat too, and if it's his decision, I will not argue. But I only want to know the reason, Jas, - for a second you are peering at each other intensely. – Do I not deserve it?

– You do.

– Lead the way, then.

You may be a ray of sunshine, as others see you, but you also have a strength to fight back, if it's necessary. And now it is the time.

The wooden ladder squeaks under your steps, and you can swear, that Kaz already learns about your presence in the club. Well, he'd better know.

On the last stair you step forwards in front of Jasper, opening the door in Kaz's office. The man is sitting behind his table, showered with different documents. Rapidly he raises his head to meet you in the doorway.

Jasper takes a step back and leaves you two for his own sake.

Brekker furrows, his jaw's clenched.

– As far as I know, you are banished form the club, Y/N.

– We both know, I don't obey your orders.

You look at each other with such anger and rage, but deeply in your chest you still feel resentment towards him.

– What the matter, Kaz, - you throw you hands up, coming closer. Brekker doesn't move, he doesn't even take a step back from you. – Have I done something wrong?

Your eyes are roaming across his face. Kaz looks tired, as if he didn't sleep that night at all, dark circles under his eyes become more visible.

– Nothing, - he stands out of the table, leaning on its side now with arms crossed on his chest.

– Nothing? Is it your answer? - the man is still silent. – Don't want to give me a reason?

Of course he doesn't have to, but you think, he will do it as your friend. Even if you see him as much more than a friend to you.

– Kaz, we are friends-

– Yes...'friends', - his voice is full of unhidden venom, that makes you furious and lost at the same time. – Your friends are downstairs, and you still can meet them outside of the club.

You still don't understand, but something tells you, Brekker won't explain you anything. He has his own strange reasons, and, like everything else about him, you just have to accept this.

The man waves you off.

– If it's all, - he switches his displeased gaze on you. – I still have a lot of work.

Is it the end? He just doesn't want to see you anymore.

– Of course, Mr. Brekker, - he flinches barely visibly from your addressing. – I will no longer bother you.

You comes out, slamming the door behind your back.

Kaz closes his tired eyes rubbing his face. What did you want to hear from him? What could he possibly tell? That he doesn't want you here because of the constant life-threatening? That he serves as a magnet for all killers in Ketterdam, and is afraid that you will pay his price?

You'd better stay in your little shiny bakery and never met him in years.

The sudden urge to abandon it all and stop you from leaving is overweighted by his common sense, and he just throws everything from his table in anger.

Kaz Brekker is never drunk, but now something is driving him to the bottle of whiskey in his drawer.

Even if the man doesn't want to remember this now, the day, when he first met Y/N, is so vivid in front of his eyes.

Flashback.

It is a winter evening, almost night, calm and snowy, and Kaz comes out of the Slat to find Jasper, whom all of them are waiting for discussing the next heist. And why he of all of people, should look for him?

It is cold, and the man shrugs his shoulders. His leather gloves don't bring him any warm at all and his fingertips start freezing.

After a half an hour of wandering across the town, he finally hears that familiar voice and sees Jasper along with a young woman, who the boy is hugging with one arm.

– Why should I search for you, Jasper, while you're having fun with another girlfriend of yours?

Brekker is grim, but after one glance at the girl next to Jas, he feels a bit confused. Her wide y/c eyes seem looking right inside his soul.

– I'm not his girlfriend.

As fast as the boy opens his mouth to explain, the girl cuts him off. Her voice is calm, but the man catches a sparkle of surprise in it.

Jasper waves her to Brekker.

– It's Kaz, he's my boss, - the girl steps forwards and extends her arms for a handshake.

– Nice to meet you, Kaz, - a mischievous sparkle shines inside her gaze. – I'm Y/N.

Her voice rings, not getting lost in a noisy crowd. The way the young woman calls his name sounds...nice, and Brekker blinks for several times to return his previous cold demeanor.

She still stands with her hand awaiting for his reaction, and when Jasper wants to say about Brekker's touch aversion, the man instantly grabs her hand in his and shakes.

– Kaz Brekker, miss.

Her touch is warm, he feels it even through his glove. And all of her radiates with warmness, actually Kaz thinks it's a smell of baked bread.

A knowing grin appears on Jasper's face and he decides to keep quiet instead.

End of flashback.

Slowly you became a part of the team, and Kaz wondered for a thousand of times, how natural your presence was. It felt like the Crows have been knowing you for their whole lives.

And now you are gone, and it is his fault only. But Kaz would better know that you're safe, somewhere far away from him and his doubtful fortune.

The chilly wind becomes colder, as you make your way around Ketterdam, deciding not to come back to the bakery after your fight with Kaz. Otherwise you couldn't escape your mother's questions.

Slowly your anger calms down, and while the night falls on the town, you find yourself near the Slat.

Knowing this area you would never appear here in this time of the day or without any company, like Jas or Inej. Like Kaz.

You shake your head. Kaz kicks you out of his club like you have never belonged there, severing all the ties between you.

You feel yourself like a little naive girl, who is twisted around the finger will all your trust and friendship stuff.

There is no one except you on a narrow dark street, where only one lamppost is lit. Suddenly you hear steps behind you, that are echoing from dull stone walls of slams.

You turn around to see two men coming to you, as cold shiver runs down your spine. No way it can end up well.

You fasten you steps, noticing that the two behind you do the same. When you start running, you already abandon all thoughts about escaping alive.

In the end you bump into a wall, that can mean only a dead end of the street. Perfect, just perfect. Intending to come back while it's not that late, you doesn't notice a dark side street between two old houses, that may be your escape route.

But you still hesitate, and when you refuse to go there, someone's arm grabs you and drags into the alley.

Instantly a gloved hand closes your mouth, in case you want to scream. This familiar glance of Kaz in front of you calms down your rapidly beating heart, that pounds in your throat.

You exhale in relief, and both stand like this until the strangers' step disappear. He is so close to you, there is no an inch of space in between, but his palm. Slowly, he drops his hand, making sure that you won't scream.

He looks at you intensely like this for some minutes, and when the street is empty and silent, Brekker takes a step back.

– What the hell are you doing! - of course you could thank him first, but just can't hold back these words.

– Follow me.

He nods and goes further, not looking at you, trying to bring you to the safe place. After some time you find yourselves at the Slat with no Crows on the first floor.

Without a word you come with him into his room. Honestly, you don't have a slightest idea, what he is going to tell you now, after you morning incident.

The door is closed, and it feels like your freedom is cut off by his own hands.

– When I last saw you, I was a whiny pain in the ass, - you arch a brow at him. – And now you are waiting for me on the streets to save from a pair of thugs.

Brekker is silently watching you and it starts to drive you mad.

– Did you bring me here to keep quite, Kaz? - you watch him turn with his back to you and freeze. – At least tell me, what were you doing-

– That is the reason! - Brekker slams his hand on the table surface, and you flinch. – You think, that I don't care, but it's not true.

– Kaz-

– I banished you from the club, because I simply don't want you dead. Or this day didn't teach you anything?

– So you don't want me here? - your gaze is locked on the man. – You just throw me out.

– Is it the only thing you've heard?

– Than why I'm here now?

You know, he wants you alive, it is his only intention, but it's time for you to settle this. When Brekker doesn't respond, you go on.

– Oh, I can tell you, why, - you take several steps towards him, and the man doesn't move away. – Because I'm much safer here, in the Crow club or in the Slat, doesn't matter. Any place, where you are, I'm safer, Kaz.

– But you...you deserve more than the Crow club or the Slat, - he comes up to you, leaving a short distance between. – You deserve so much more, Y/N, and I can't give you that.

It is enough. Your emotions overwhelm you, and all anger, resentment and longing for the man you love now turn into tears, that are just flowing freely down your cheeks. You know every thing, that Kaz thinks about himself, and you just want him to shut up. Only because he deserves more too.

– I'm not asking for more, Brekker. Why don't you see it?

– Why are you so stubborn? - Kaz shortens the distance, taking his gloves off. He is watching a stray tear on your cheek, but can't force himself to raise his hand and brush it off.

– Because I love you, Kaz. If you want it or not.

The man stays speechless. Not that he doesn't want it, but he just doesn't expect your feelings. He shakes his head.

– It won't end up well.

– It isn't supposed to end, Kaz! - his answer only makes you cry more, as you turn away from him, starting roaming around the room. Why should he always be like this? – Unless you want it to end, of course.

– And what do you want, huh?! - the anger slowly overflows him. – If everything stays like this, that will only give you another reason to hate me in the end, Y/N!

– What do I want? I want to spend my life with you, Brekker, every single moment of it, - you throw your hands up in displeasure. – But as I see, it's not mutual.

Kaz is still silent, and you only have to leave him be. You don't want to hurt him with your words, and knowing that, you'd better go away now.

When you go downstairs, you see Nina and Matthias, but don't even turn to her, calling you. You know, it's rude, but nothing matters now.

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