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aihoshiino · 4 months

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chapter 135 thoughts

Akasaka seems to have heard me bitching about other characters not getting involved last week because pretty much this entire chapter is focused on outsider perspectives on the RubyKana conflict, which I actually really appreciate. Not knowing how everyone else was responding to this felt really weird and while I ultimately am glad in hindsight Akasaka used the last chapter to focus exclusively on Ruby and her feelings about Ai, it did still feel really weird in the moment. And there's still no Miyako… girl where did you go…!!!

It's also really nice to get a bit of Aqua and Gotanda time, too — I feel like it's been forever since we've had any time focusing on that relationship and it's one of my quiet favourites in the series so revisiting it now was a nice surprise. We're still pretty locked out of Aqua's head but I feel like his dialogue here speaks for itself without us needing to peek in there. And whether or not he means to, I think Aqua says something really, really revealing here about how he's been dealing — or abjectly failing to deal — with Ai's death.

A running thread through OnK that Ruby is finally starting to come around from is the way the twins have both struggled with their idolization and objectification of Ai and ultimately failed to treat her like a human being. Here, Aqua doubles down on that dehumanization, rejecting the idea of Ai ever having complicated emotions about any of the things that happened to her. He flattens her into a caricature of herself, carefree and avoidant and specifically says that he personally never saw Ai crying. Not even once.

Except… of course he did. Because Ai cried as she told the twins that she loved them as she was dying. The anime even takes this a step further by having Ai break down into sobs during this moment and having her tears literally fall onto Aqua's face as he gazes into her eyes. In denying the existence of these tears, Aqua is also to some degree, erasing those words of pure love that Ai poured out with her last breaths. It feels like a confirmation of something I've been suspecting for a while: that in his fucked up attempts to 'grant her wish' Aqua is even willing to desecrate and erase the real Ai.

In a lot of ways, Aqua is deeply stunted in comparison to Ruby. Honestly I kind of get the feeling that Aqua… doesn't want to humanize Ai? Not out of cruelty but out of seemingly necessarily self defense; if Aqua lets himself love his mom as a human person, if he lets himself love her properly and with empathy then he will necessarily have to finally mourn and grieve for her as a human being and I think that would be the start of breaking him.

What's exciting about this talk as well is that it sets up Aqua and Ruby to be in opposition on something extremely central to the movie arc: Ai herself. This sets up the potential for them to come into conflict and maybe even for Ruby to really lay into him about the exploitative way 15YL is making use of Ai's image.

Final note before I move on: whether this was intended or not, I can't help but see a lot of parallels between Aqua's insistence that Ai would never cry over her treatment in B-Komachi and Nino's rant at the end of 45510 in which she reacts with revulsion at the idea of Ai wanting to connect with them. Aqua/Nino parallels aren't what I was expecting for Christmas but the implications are pretty (discord eyes emoji)

Gotanda's response is interesting, too. He claims that he wrote the script by 'listing the events that actually happened' when we know for a fact that there is a huge amount of dramatization and fictionalization at play just out of the necessity of recreating the events in the life of a person no longer here to give testimony. But he also betrays something here: his own lack of real care towards Ai herself. He dismisses the idea that it's worth trying to understand her feelings after her passing and admits that he isn't really making the movie out of empathy but out of a sense of wanting to capture something he failed to before. This movie is his revenge.

And like… fuck, man. It's just so miserable. There has always been this really ghoulish undercurrent to the entire idea of the Movie Arc, of digging up Ai's corpse again, slicing up her private and most personal self and her painful history that caused her so much shame and dressing it up into something pretty and consumable for the public to salivate over. Even in death, Ai can't rest in peace. Even in death, nobody can just leave her be. She has to be bought and sold and swapped and traded until all the value has been wrung out of her. Nobody making this movie really cares about understanding the real Ai at this point, apart from Ruby; not even the director who wants to be able to film her.

That said. man. the scene that followed was pretty sweet. The idea that Gotanda pulled Aqua into his project not just to give Kana a bit of a wake up call but because he was actually looking out for her and genuinely wanted her to have some friends is a really lovely idea and his sense of relief in seeing her having found a place in B-Komachi was also really good. In a lot of ways, the second generation of B-Komachi may be echoing the mistakes of their predecessors but they're also learning to correct them.

kana's face when she takes a bite out of ruby's parfait is like the hardest i've laughed all week btw god bless mengo yokoyari

The Gillian Cut of Gotanda talking so warmly about RubyKana's friendship to the two girls still being cold with each other is framed as a joke but I do think it's supposed to be read as a reassuring moment for the audience. While Aqua puts forth that his rose-tinted idea of fights making friendships stronger only happens in fiction… Oshi no Ko is fiction. Literally the very first words of the story are that verbatim and it constantly uses in-universe fiction as metatexual commentary on its own nature as a story. More than a joke, this feels like a sort of reassuring pat on the back for the reader that the girls will emerge from this rough spot stronger than before.

Aqua's sense of trust for both Kana and Ruby is really sweet, too. They're two of the people he cares about the most in the world — often to the point of him not being able to trust them, out of fear of the supposed repercussions — but here, he not only steps back to let them handle things themselves but reassures Gotanda that he can do the same. Aqua has been pretty cruel to both these girls in a lot of ways over the series so it was nice to see him express some warmth.

And that's the final chapter of this year…! Jesus I can't believe I only got back into the series back in April lol I really feel like I've been following the weekly chapters for longer. Admittedly, I'm starting to get really fatigued with the Movie Arc with how long it's been going but I'm hoping that we'll start to see some more progress on it when we return in 2024 and that Kamiki will do. Something maybe. can you even imagine.

#oshi no ko #onk spoilers #oshi no posting

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whenthechickencry · 4 months

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Umineko EP5. Tea Party and ???

The tea party starts by discussing what most magical beings are, starting with the Seven Sisters being cheap souvenirs.... they point out the Chiester Sisters are rifles but not that they are Maria's toys, which is kind of interesting. Dlanor tries to stop Bernkastel from defiling their executions and gets shut down because of Bernkastel's authority,

Bernkastel finally mentions Erika as her daughter after lovebombing her for a while and Erika is happy for like, the first time since her introduction... I always feel really bad for Erika in spite of it all.... narration points out she literally starts shaking at being allowed to call herself a witch.

Lambdadelta walks to Battler's corpse and talks about how disappointed she is. Dlanor just did this as well. Battler has disappointed everyone. Lambdadelta and Bernkastel flirt for a bit and Erika reveals the totally real title of Episode 6: Checkmate of the Golden Witch (ignore than in this version you can see all the titles from the main screen)

I will do the ??? as well since the Tea Party was really short. Beato NOW comes to tell Battler he is a liar and disappointed her, like everyone else by this point... the different voice she uses for I am sorry breaks my heart.

We flashback ad get an extended scene of Dlanor Virgilia Batller discussing the mystery genre more broadly, Battler doesn't like Knox commandments because saying shit isn't even worth investigating is arrogant and limits the genre (and also obviously doesn't like how Erika uses them to shut down theories before they are even looked into) but Dlanor talks about how they are there in order to have the trust in the writer in that the mystery is solvable. The discussion about how humans need assurance that what they are solving is solvable resonates with me..... often I assume I shouldn't even try to fix problems or solutions because I assume I am too dumb to solve them anyway,

So, the red is Beatrice giving Battler the tools he needs to solve her heart, and after enough failings and forcing him to try without much success....

im going to kill you Battler

As we move forward, Battler begins to realize how everyone has been throwing and throwing hints at him and he has been throwing them away, Battler starts making his final theory, his last attempt. With Knox's 1 he realizes everyone after EP1 must not be the culprit. Uses Knox second to realize that all the magic scenes had a deeper meaning in them.

Battler realizes EP3 was easy mode for babies, lol.

Battler's first words at realizing the truth: "Idiot..." Battler realized it was too late for Beato. Battler wasn't able to reach Sayo's heart when it mattered the most.

The game is allowed to continue because of Lambdadelta acknowledges Battler as the new Golden Witch, Lmand might not hand answers but she will help the people truly put in effort and create certainty. Erika feels humiliated by the fact Battler has a higher rank than her now... Battler's role as a Witch is pretty interesting too... he isn't interested in creating a truth so much as in creating enough truths to cast doubt into Erika's theory.... in other words, furthering the Illusion of the Witch. He could deny the Natsuhi theory but that would expose the game and destroy the witch illusion.

The usage of "Demon's script" is pretty interesting haha, still see yourself as the heroine of this story, Bern?

Battler starts putting down the foundations for Battler culprit theory.... Battler putting an insane theory first thing after reaching the truth must have gotten some people really confused. Battler immediately destroys everything Erika has been building up to in a single red.

Battler points out they eren't dead when he yelled, which is true, and then Ronove points out they only need to be dead by the end of the game for the red truths to be valid. Ronove, Gaap, Virgilia and even Dlanor for good measure group up to dunk on Erika.

The Golden Truth.

Jesus Christ.

Erika accepts her role as Detective before Witch.

#umineko #umiepisode5 #umiepisode5teaparty

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lenteur · 5 months

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random thoughts about castaway diva, episode eleven

(read more because i always get carried away lol and this post might contain spoilers)

We're starting this episode with woo hak making me angry. Why are you contacting mok ha when the whole family agrees it's best to leave her out of the messy situation with mr jung? WHY???

... I take back what I just said. At least he's helping her with the press conference so I guess he's not that bad.

The whole press conference scene had me on the edge of my seat. So many conflicting feelings. Mok ha not following the script and trying to defend ran joo no matter what. Yoon ran joo just keeping her head down and accepting any accusation thrown her way. Eun mo rae seeming to side with mok ha and wanting ran joo to pursue her career so she feels better about being compared to ran joo (a desperate has-been singer who can no longer sing). All of that feels like a lot.

Talking about ran joo, it's frustrating to see her deny all of mok ha's wishes because it descredits the chunsam island singer. I understand she's trying to ease the tension but still, part of me feels like it's unfair to contradict mok ha like that. Because, in the end, mok ha will also be ridiculed for her statements.

I don't think it was a good idea for mok ha to participate in the press conference but I commend her will to defend those around her.

I'm glad the reporter let the truth out because now ran joo knows she was manipulated into signing the termination contract. I mean, she did it on her own will but had she known lee seo jun thinks of her that way, she might have thought twice before signing it. I wonder if there's a way she can nullify the contract? I feel for ran joo because she's been through a lot and there aren't many people on her side.

YES RAN JOO!!! Tell him how he would be nothing without you. He deserves it. He's trash, not you.

When I'm telling you I feel for ran joo, the fate of a tree metaphor is what I'm talking about. She's always given and hasn't taken a lot. People are taking her for granted. They milked her fame until the last drop and now she's treated like trash. I really wish there was a way to make her get her revenge. She doesn't deserve that treatment.

The scene between ran joo and her mom = saddest scene of the drama. I shed so many tears 😭😭😭 I'm relieved ran joo knows why her mom calls herself that and that they could talk to each other. This scene was beautiful 💖

MOK HA FINALLY CONFESSED HER FEELINGS TO KI HO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Dae woong (i think that's his name) woke up. I hope his story can make mr jung guilty of at least one thing (if he's innocent for the family case).

Lee uk is a good man. I keep repeating myself but I want everyone to know how amazing he is. He's ready to go to prison to defend the family. He's even saying if he could turn back time, he'd follow the mom sooner. I'm so happy the mother found someone so caring after spending years with mr jung.

I was so happy when the judge called mr jung following his family stalking.

I'm so happy the judge decided to believe the real victims instead of siding with mr jung. And dae woong could give evidence of the accident to the judge. Karma came and bit you in the a$$ mr jung!!! HAHAAHAHHHHAHAHAHA

Seo mok ha helping ran joo and her mom <3 She's one of the best people on earth. So kind and thoughtful.

YES! Ran joo wants to keep singing!!!

I'm relieved ran joo could read great articles about her to her mom. About a song that just got released (and not some old song).

So yoon ran joo sold 20 million albums a long time ago? Please make her magically appear during the shares meeting so everything is nullified 🙏🙏🙏

Justice was served for the family and yoon ran joo. I couldn't be any more grateful.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? We got a happy ending for everyone finally and you have to ruin it with mr jung st*bbing lee uk? I can't believe it.

I'm giving this episode a 9/10

#i was so happy that everything fell back into place #and you're doing this to lee uk?#why would you hurt that man? He deserves everything #with only one episode left i don't have a lot of hope #random(al) thoughts #kdrama #castaway diva #oh and the story between ran joo and her mom made me cry so much :(((

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adamwatchesmovies · 6 months

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The River Wild (1994)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

In another universe, The River Wild is a good film. We’re not talking about a dimension in which the U.S.S.R. landed on the moon first or anything like that. On this parallel earth, the only other significant difference is that you got up a minute later than you did on a random day in 1994. This movie does a few tiny things not quite right enough times to add up to an unpleasant experience.

Frustrated by her husband once again prioritizing work over his son, Gail (Meryl Streep) decides to take Roarke (Joseph Mazzello) and their dog rafting down the Salmon River without him. At the last second, Tom (David Strathairn) arrives and jumps aboard but the damage is done. While paddling, they encounter a trio of fellow adventurers: Wade (Kevin Bacon), Terry (John C. Reilly) and Frank (William Lucking). Gail and Roarke take an immediate liking to them. Tom isn’t so sure they are who they claim, which adds tension to an already tense situation.

It’s a great-looking movie with many loving shots of the wilderness. The cinematography is doubly impressive when we consider the numerous rafting-related stunts. It can’t have been easy to shoot everyone rowing for their lives but you never see anything - not even any stunt doubles or trick shots - that pulls you out of the experience. Helping are the performances from everyone involved. The actors are all great. Not a complete surprise considering the cast includes Meryl Streep, John C. Reilly and Kevin Bacon, but it's worth mentioning nonetheless.

The writing by Denis O’Neill is the problem. Even then, your usual issues are not present. The characters are developed enough to feel real. The improbable encounters and impossible actions are at a minimum. The trouble is that when you get down to it, this entire movie is familiar. Aside from the rafting thing, it does nothing new, which makes it so predictable you get frustrated.

This is the kind of film with no extravagances, and I mean that in a bad way. When you hear a news report about a big robbery on the radio, you know it’s relevant to the plot and that the strangers are involved. When Tom shows up at the last second, you know he, Gail and Roarke will fight about his absence for the entire film… until the end when he redeems himself by saving the day and thwarting the villains. When an enraged Gail says to Wade "I will kill you", you know the movie can’t end until she has some kind of weapon in her hand and the tables have turned in her favor. Any kind of twist would’ve made things interesting. If Tom hated his family and wanted to manipulate the thieves into executing his wife and son but not him, if Gail was seduced by Wade and believed in her heart that Roarke would be better off with a new father, if the bad guys weren’t so easy to figure out because they were all bad on the same level or if ANYTHING was different from the mold, this would be a better film.

Calling The River Wild "bad" doesn’t feel right. A better adjective would be "basic". If you want to make a movie like this one, you take this script, you do a find-replace for the names and then start tweaking details. This is where you begin, not where you end. The River Wild would be better if it were worse. As is, you can walk away from it for 15 minutes at a time and still know what's happening inside and out. (Full-screen version on VHS, June 20, 2021)

#The River Wild #movies #films #movie reviews #film reviews #Curtis Hanson #Denis O'Neill #Meryl Streep #Kevin Bacon #David Strathairn #Joseph Mazzello #John C. Reilly #1994 movies #1994 films

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magicalgirlsandcerulean · 3 years

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Thanks for watching episode 6. This image is by Masayuki Nomoto, who did the key frames for Ranmaru's transformation and enka.

Here's a Sirius from Shouko Nagasawa.

(Potential spoilers for episode 6!) Lynn voiced Chika. See what she had to say about it here.

If anyone's in Japan and is hoping on catching up with the series, episodes 1 - 6 are going to be free on GYAO! until the 20th of May 2021.

A video message from Sakata regarding episode 6.

The first (Japanese) DVD/BD goes on sale on June 16th. The bonuses include a special booklet and the DVD Et Fran de Muse After School (1).

Hori has entered Bar F. See more details about the post (dated May 13th 2021) under the cut. Spoilers below!

(Lately, they've been cutting the posts really close to the premiere of the next episode...It's to the point where I managed to watch episode 5 and then look at Hori's post, even though I'm on a 1-week -behind schedule.)

Hori says, "Everyone, good morning! Today's breakfast is curry!" He then introduces himself and after saying thanks for the real time comments (part of the campaign), he warns this post's a long one.

Hori calls the woman's opening "pillow talk" "sexy".

Instead of the usual もどして (return), it was もどしたりもどさなかったりしろ (something like "returning or not returning, do it anyway") so he laughed because it was far too lax. Hori's written that it was in the comments somewhere, but it's not in the episode or the tweets...(I translated the phrases assuming this was in the script regarding the transition around the cat scene, but if anyone can tell me where these are from, then please help me correct it!)

Hori smiled (he uses a grammatical structure that suggests he wasn't intending to smile) at Juka and Ranmaru being a comic duo. He says they have a good tempo for dialogue.

Hori notes Takara gets away with lying to the Queen.

Hori doesn't believe the name of the grocer is Yaochou. (Yaochou means “fixed game”, but it’s a pun on the word for “grocer” (八百屋, read yaoya and sharing the first two kanji, hence the CR translation of “Fixed Grocer”.)

The client's name is Ruise Emu (Japanese name order). Notably, "Ruise" is similar to the word you'll get if you reverse the sounds of セール (sale).

Hori puts a snake emoji around here because the exclamation バイトぉ！？ (Baitoo?!, "A part-time job?!" - it's derived from the Dutch arbeit, apparently) makes it sound like "(snake) bite". Also, Hori's moniker is "Snake Bite" because one time he was pointing and he kind of looked like a snake. Someone called him "Snake Bite Hori" around that point and that name's stuck ever since (see 52:05 in this live stream).

Hori notes even the "cool" Uruu was relieved to not eat curry and he (Uruu) called the food "delicious".

Hori notes the banknotes Oshida and Ruise have have pots on them and exclaims Oshida's intro as a debt collector was too formal.

Hori calls Takara, who doesn't hesitate to use his money even though he loves it, "cool" and says the scene where Takara does that was emotionally touching.

To the B part!

Hori notes you can now see Sirius's face in the shadows.

Hori calls Ranmaru "cool" for being straightforward (when Ranmaru asks about "carnal relations" (CR translation)).

The documents Emu gets are documents for an aged care home, a real estate contract, a man's photo and a marriage registration.

Hori notes the doors (leading to the Heaven's Room) have a different design based on who created them. (You find, several lines further down from this one, that the mental worlds are called ヘヴンズ空間 or "Heaven's Room".)

Hori notes the name of the enka is Ai no Kanjou, but does not link it.

Hori notes the art style of the Heaven's Room is cubism.

Oh...so the pun in Oshida's name is from 押し出し (oshidashi, to be pushed out of a sumo ring). Fuhen means "inevitable" or "unchanging".

Hori calls the attack Takara uses (with that chest armour) the "nipple drill (LOL)".

The background music after Oshida was defeated gave Hori goosebumps.

Turns out there's also a quota for the "aren't you wrong?" anomalies, as well (e.g. when Oshida denies he was in the wrong in this episode).

Hori also mentions there's merch of the keys.

Takara's pose after yelling "Go to heaven!" is the same one Hori takes in the Ayashiku Get Your Heart music video.

The new lawyer at the end of the episode has fake Kansai-ben.

Hori notes Takara seems to have no intention to make anything aside from curry (LOL).

"あ、なんだフィクションか。ちくしょう、また騙された…ッ！" - "Ah, it was fiction, was it? Damn, we were deceived yet again...!"

"こんなに格好いいキャラクターを演じさせて貰えて、この作品に関わらせて貰えて、堀は本当に幸せ者です。" - "Hori was able to portray this kind of cool character and be affected by the work, so he's really happy." (<- Yes, he's referring to himself in the 3rd person.)

Hori then talks a bit about the Nico Nico Douga screening, including the fact he lost a "staggering" amount of calories after laughing a lot from the comments.

He wants to one day do an (in-person) cheering event where the fans will watch the episodes with the voice actors once again and says, "その日が来る事を心待ちにしながら、今は何より皆様体に気をつけて、いつか必ず光があると信じて、今この時を乗り越えましょう。" ("As we all look forward to that day, let's take care of ourselves and overcome this time [of COVID lockdown], believing that one day there will be light.") <- For those of you coming from the future, this is referring to the fact several large metropolitan areas of Japan are currently under COVID lockdown as I type this, including Tokyo.

Finally, he thanks everyone for cheering on Fairy Ranmaru.

Takara's comment (turns out Takara (Hori) still does comments at the end even when it's his turn): "ま、カレー食っておきゃ間違いないって事やね" - "Well, having to eat curry isn't a bad thing, is it?"

Update: Sorry, seems I can't fix the cut without deleting the entire post...It looks fine in the editor...

Update 2: Seems like the cut fixed itself. Also disambiguated a dot point and added more to a different dotpoint.

Update 3: Fixed the snakebite stuff and disambiguated a dotpoint.

#Fairy Ranmaru #Fairy Ranmaru spoilers #Sirius Tenrouin #Masayuki Nomoto #Ranmaru Ai #anime merch #Takahiro Hori #(I noticed Ranmaru's disc covers say Ranmaru Ai for his human form and Ranmaru [of the] Light Clan for his fairy form.)#Shogo Sakata #Shouko Nagasawa

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tuiyla · 2 years

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Lol what? S6 Santana kind and mature? That rant towards Kurt was the opposite of both of those things. Her feelings were totally justified bc Kurt was an ass for ruining her proposal but nothing about her actions in that rant was kind. If she'd truly matured she wouldn't have done it and would've just called him out on his shit without turning to insults.

People who say the rant totally ruined her development are totally wrong, but there's no denying it was a regression. She was definitely happiest in S6 and I love that for her but kind and mature are not what I would describe her as. And not everyone who thinks this is a Brittana hater.

I'll make it very clear now that I'm not going to be discussing that particular rant any further than this one ask.

No one denies that moment was a regression. Her being, in general, a more well-balanced person by season 6 doesn't mean every single one of her actions reflected that. Kurt ruined her big moment and she reacted in a way her high school self would have.

Progress is still not linear; like you say it didn't ruin her development. It doesn't negate previous anon's point that Santana had developed as a character by season 6. I highlight time and time again that she slipped up all the time and personally have never denied it was a regression. (But I do think we're attributing way too much in-universe meaning to what was, as said by multiple sources, a blatant attack on an actor by way of the script. Naya herself hated doing it.)

Look, I don't even care who is and who isn't a Brittana hater lmao. I think y'all (fandom) are creating arbitrary binary oppositions when we're all just, chilling and talking about Glee a decade on. Having one opinion doesn't mean anyone falls into a whole umbrella for that single opinion and the first mistake anyone can make is assume it does mean that. So I agree with you, prev anon did assume but you know, still just chilling, having a civil discussion.

#but like don't have direct conversations through these asks lol #glee asks #anon #ask #anonymous #don't wanna tag this with santana sorry

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imzadi-caskett-huddy · 4 years

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House, M.D. Fanfic (11/?)

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to leave a note on my story. I hope you continue to enjoy my kind of rewrite and/or additions to certain episodes! As always, I don't own House. If I did, Lisa Edelstein would have gotten the respect she deserved contact wise for a season 8.

As stated in previous chapters, the story follows the big picture laid out on the show, but with my own take on things. We have reached extremely bumpy road territory. Buckle up, folks. This one might sting a little.

Thanks to @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie on Tumblr for reading my ideas and providing positive feedback! Anything in the way of feedback is always appreciated! I like to know how you like what I'm doing. Enjoy!

xxxxx

"How long have you been sleeping with Dr. House?" Tritter asked as he took a seat in her office.

Cuddy shook her head, shocked at the question. "Why would you think I'm sleeping with House?"

Tritter got that smug smirk he got when he thought he knew something. "Only reason a smart woman like you would keep a jerk like that around. You're way out of his league."

"The only reason a dean of medicine at a teaching hospital would keep a world renowned diagnostician around is because I'm sleeping with him?"

"You haven't denied it."

"I'm not sleeping with House," she crossed her arms.

"Dr. Cuddy. The guy is an ass. He treats patients like they aren't even human. How much has he cost your hospital over the years? How much has he cost you?" He asked. "I don't understand why you're protecting him."

"Dr. House saves lives... lives that other doctors can't save. If you were dying and no one else could figure out what was wrong with you, you'd want Dr. House to be the one on your case. I'm not sleeping with him. He's just that good," she stated a little more firmly, moving to open her office door to show him out. But his words had hit a nerve, asking what he'd cost her had hit a nerve. It stuck with her.

xxxxx

Later that night, House laid in her bed, one hand folded under his head, his fingers sliding over her bare back. "Heard Barnaby Jones came to talk to you today."

Cuddy breathed deeply, shifting so she could prop her head on her hand and look at him. "Detective Tritter came to accuse me of sleeping with you."

"You are sleeping with me." He turned his head to look at her.

"I lied to him. I told him I wasn't."

"Why?"

"Because sleeping with you would give him a reason to believe my judgement is compromised. It would imply that I'm hiding your drug problem. Or he would accuse me of enabling your habit."

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Has sleeping with me affected your ability to practice medicine?"

"No."

"Has it compromised your ability to make professional calls where my patients or myself are concerned?"

"No, but..."

"Has your judgement been compromised? Have you been writing me scripts? Have I stolen your prescription pad? Have you been enabling my habit?"

"No..."

"Then what's the problem?" He shrugged.

"I lied to the cops!"

"You lied about sleeping with me. We've been lying to everyone else about that for months. Why are you suddenly growing a conscience about it?"

"I don't know, House, maybe because this guy has it out for you! Normally when you piss someone off, they just sue you. This guy actually has the power to get your medical license revoked and send you to jail for a long time!"

"That what you're afraid of? Don't worry, I can still place a bun in your oven. Or are conjugal visits not on your list of approved baby making fantasies?"

She sighed and moved away, turning her back to him. "Whatever you want to tell yourself, House." She was tired of fighting with him.

"You're mad at me."

"Because you're being an ass!"

"No more than usual." He thought for a moment. "This is you being hormonal..."

"I'm not pregnant, House!"

"Did you take another test?"

She sat up and looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Yes! Yes, I took a damn test! I took a damn test every time you accused me of being pregnant, and guess what... still not pregnant! You weren't right!"

"This is you being upset that you're not pregnant..." he said slowly. "Look, it's only been a few months. It doesn't mean anything..."

"6 months, House. 6. It's not happening. It's not meant to happen."

"You're giving up?"

"Yes! I tried, and I failed to get pregnant. I'm done. I'm tired of trying and being disappointed. And this...arrangement..." she gestured between them, "isn't working anymore."

He stared at her for a moment. "You're ending this?"

She was quiet for a few moments. "I guess I am."

"Because I haven't gotten you pregnant? It takes most couples years to get pregnant, and you're giving up in 6 months?"

"Save it, House... you're just trying to protect your regular supply of free sex. Sorry, looks like it's back to hookers. I'm sure you've still got all their numbers."

"I don't care about the sex! I do care about you!" He was a little surprised those feelings had slipped out mid-argument. Judging by the look on her face, so was she. "Why are you so willing to give up on something that you've wanted for a long time just because it's a little hard getting there?"

She sighed softly. "Because you can't always get what you want."

"Yeah, quoting a song lyric... that's a real response," he countered. "And in case you forgot, it ends with 'You get what you need.'"

"Yeah...I'm not getting that either." She was quiet for another moment. "Goodnight, House."

xxxxx

House walked into his friend's office and sat down silently. "I've been sleeping with Cuddy," he said after several minutes.

The revelation caused Wilson to pause his reading, but he didn't look up, clearly not buying it. "House, hallucinations mean you've taken too much Vicodin."

House shook his head. "I'm not hallucinating. Cuddy and I have been having hot monkey sex."

Wilson just stared at him, trying to decide if it was true or not. "How... long has it been going on?"

"Several months. When she started fertility treatments before I was shot."

"Cuddy is taking fertility treatments?"

"Right... I didn't tell you about that either. Oops..." he stood and began to walk the office as he worked everything around in his head.

"You're trying to have a baby with Cuddy?"

He turned to look at Wilson then. "No. Cuddy is trying to have a baby with me. Weren't you listening?"

"It's the same result," Wilson leaned back in his chair then. "You've seriously been sleeping with Cuddy for months and haven't told me?"

"This isn't high school. Some of us keep our private lives private, Jimmy."

Wilson shook his head and stood up, walking over to him. "This isn't high school, but you are still in high school. If this was any other woman, you'd have bragged about it. The sheets were barely cold when you told me about Stacy. This is different. She's different." And then he realized, "You're protecting her."

"There was no protection. She wants a baby. Duh," he deflected with sarcasm.

"You're protecting her from you. You're first instinct would normally be to run and brag about sleeping with her. To use the fact that she's your boss to get your way here. And you haven't. You went against your first instinct in order to protect her. You care about her."

"I don't care about her. I'm only telling you now because it's over. She's giving up the fertility treatments. No fertility drugs, no hope for a baby, no need for the hot monkey sex," he spun his cane as he continued to think.

"You don't want it to be over. Because you care about her. She's probably the only other woman who can stand you, can handle you, and you don't want to lose her."

"Don't be ridiculous. I care about the sex. It's free... and really, really good."

Wilson studied him for a moment. "You fell in love with her, didn't you?" It was really more of a statement. His friend wouldn't be here now if all he cared about was having sex.

House stared out the window silently for several long minutes. "What do I do about it?" He turned to his friend then.

"Well, the obvious response is to tell her."

"I can't tell her I love her."

"Why not?"

"Because she doesn't love me."

"How do you know?"

"I just know!"

"Right, because when a woman wants a baby, her first instinct is to go to the man who's a complete jackass to her and ask him to sleep with her... for months. And you said it was going on before you were shot? So over five months."

"Six, actually," he corrected him. "What can I say, she's got it bad for my genes."

"She's got it bad for you, House." When he didn't respond, Wilson pushed on. "Did you only have sex when she was ovulating?"

"Yes." He answered quickly. Heaving a sigh a moment later, he continued. "At least in the beginning. Somewhere along the way the line blurred." House didn't even have to think about that. It had started that way, but the longer it went on, the more sex they had, whether or not it was time in her monthly cycle. And it wasn't just sex. There were nights when they literally slept together and nothing else.

"Then it's not just about a baby. She has feelings for you."

House sighed again. "She's the one who ended the arrangement."

"Probably because she thinks that's all you wanted and she's trying to keep herself from being hurt anymore than she already is."

"She should know that's not all it is."

"Why? Because you've told her?"

"Yes, okay?! Yes! I told her I didn't care about the sex, that I cared about her! And she still ended things!"

"When did you tell her?"

He sighed, rubbing his thumb across his forehead. "Somewhere between her telling me I would have to go back to hookers for sex and quoting the Rolling Stones 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' to me."

He shook his head with a laugh. "House, you're an idiot! She probably thinks you just said it in the heat of the moment to protect your supply of free sex. You're an addict, you've proven you'll say anything to get what you want in the past," he explained. He paused for a moment before continuing. "House, you don't exactly give off the warm and fuzzy vibe. More like the annoying, jackass vibe. Cuddy may be able to handle your particular brand of charm... she may even like it. But she can't read your mind. And a woman like Cuddy isn't going to make that leap unless she knows you're there to catch her. You've got to talk to her."

"I don't know if I can."

"Do you know if you can lose her? Because that's what's at stake here. You either talk to her, or it's over."

House breathed deeply, thinking it over before he left.

#house #house m.d.#house md #house fanfic #huddy #house x cuddy #greg house #lisa cuddy

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ruwithmeguys · 7 years

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I’m torn! I liked the episode but I also feel really anxious about it. Why Oliver doesn't trust her anymore? He admitted that he and Diggle had let her fall deeper and that maybe she didn't feel like she belonged this season and yet he doesn't back her play. Help me understand this please because I don't want to think like this about him. I wanted to enjoy episode 20 but this is upsetting.

Don’tcome to tumblr/twitter much because of my job but I love Arrow, though I’veonly been watching it for a year. There are some I’ve been following that werereally vocal about 5.19: they’ve basically been saying Oliver isn’t good enoughfor Felicity now and are angry at him for not trusting/backing her like she hashim. Is it them who don’t understand or me? I thought it showed Oliver afraid.No mistrusting. And Felicity asking for equality. I saw a reply you gave oncebut I don’t know anyone who does them like that.

I wasn't going to answer these initially because I feel they’ve been answered so fully by the names just below this but... I HAVE AN ABUNDANCE OF OLICITY FEELS THAT CANNOT BE DENIED.

I needed to vent them! Overuse of gifs ahoy!

OK, first? Q2 Anon: I can giveyou the names of a few people who answer questions FAR better than I ever couldif you’d like?

There’s @jbuffyangel (who did herusual amazing review of the episode which should answer all of yourquestions/worries) @callistawolf and @louiseblue1

There are others that I’m sureyou’ll find if you explore a bit ;)

There isn’t really much I cansay past what hasn’t already been said by the 3 above.

But I need to clarify (eventhough you can’t answer) something Anon 1. You liked the episode?

JUST liked?

Well I just about had a minicoronary. Honey, I don’t think you were seeing it properly. Episode 19 was likea piece fanfiction come to life. It was an episode to grin hard about and watchwhilst gripping the edge of your seat. Something to feel deep in your chest thenext day.

Everything in it – EVERYSINGLE SCENE – was a moment I’ve been waitingon pins to see.

And I mean, purely from thepoint of view of a fan: how could you not adore the return of the looks and the talking:

True, I DO think they made uswait a tad too long (kill me now – @scu11y22 knows especially, after episode 9how close I came to having a full on shit-fit – but just a shit-fit, not a loss of hope) for this but I also believethat they wanted the whole Prometheus Vs Oliver = Oliver’s lowest moment scoreto occur prior to any progressionthat could be made between Oliver and Felicity…

It’s because they want them -their steps back to each other - to be part and parcel with Prometheus’sdefeat.

And Prometheus isrepresentative of Oliver’s demons. Of his darkness and his pain.

Something hecan no longer run from like he has been doing for years. What he needs to faceand defeat, to strive beyond.

It’s all so that thepenultimate moment, episode 20, can mean somuch more and have triple the affect it would have had without this.

Oliver can’t defeat Prometheuswith his current mind-set. He can’t even stand against him: Prometheus has brokena vital piece of Oliver’s soul: his hope.

Thinkabout it: Olicity closing the gap between them - healing thatbreach - each and reuniting possibly leading to the defeat of Prometheus. Andwhat’s necessary for the defeat of Prometheus? For Oliver to step forwards intoa light of his own making. A mission of his own choosing.

How much more epic can youget?

But you (Anon 1) (Anon 2, you’re fine girl/boy;)) werereferring more to the deceptive lack of trust in this episode, correct?

That supposed absence oftrust, the very thing that put a pause on this whole relationship? It’s anOliver Queen smokescreen. Possibly subconscious on his part, at leastinitially. A not-so-flimsy cover up for Oliver’s real problem. A problemthey’re going to bring about, in GREAT and uncompromising detail, in episode20.

But let’s get into specifics.

It’s what we’ve been waitingfor. And all of it, everything, was good. Everything coming will be better.

I think a problem a lot ofpeople might also be having at the moment is the sudden rise of emotionalintensity in the show.

Yes, I know: random. But.

Arrow has always been intensebut it increases with each season: the actors are pushed into doing scenes andplaying roles they’ve never done before, into bending rules and breaking pastboundaries. Season 5 has been exemplaryin this. But there’s been an upswing from episode 16, especially in regards toOTA and Olicity, that wasn’t as present earlier on. It’s been very welcome, butalso, a bit of a shock.

They’ve had to wait you see: there’s been too much story to tell first. We got a lot of Olicity before anything else in season 4 so they needed to be true to their other stories first but you all know the other reasons as well. Lord know’s I’ve gone on about them too.

So now, everything feelspowerful. Penetrating. Worrying? Thescript was so forceful in Dangerous Liasons, so intense: every scene featuringOliver and Felicity was a scene that left a mark on the audience. People arefeeling the heat - the kind of heat exhibited in 3.20 - and it’s such a burn that it people might consider it an omen.

Don’t feel anxious about it:not at all. It’s about facing the truth. About Oliver and Felicity facing eachother. About facing themselves…

And they found themselves ineach other once upon a time.

That still holds true. Therewas no way in hell that they were going to get to the root of each of their issueswithout them coming back to each other.

Oliver.

There’s no one he trusts,respects and admires more than Felicity Smoak.

But being honest with her -telling her about his 5.17 revelation (something he had to understand himselffirst) about his reasoning behind why he’s done what he’s done over the years -is something he thinks will make her fall out of love with him.

But it also might save herfrom becoming him.

This has absolutely nothing todo with trust.

For the first time, Felicityis the one he and Dig have to worry about… and like big tough Alphamales, it throws them completely out of whack.

It’s not about a lack of trustor a deliberate choice not to be there for her when she has been there for himevery single time he needed someone.

He can’t possibly be ok withher behaving like him because she’s more.She’s better. She’s the example he measures all other acts of goodness and evilagainst. No other woman (or man) has come close.

And that’s just some of the examples and only the women.

But there’s been a lack ofunderstanding between these two for the past year (A year… Christ, it’s beenmore than a year) and they need to hack it out but they wouldn’t be able towithout a stimulus.

Boom baby!

Now, Felicity TELLING Oliverthat he doesn’t trust her was soooooo deeply satisfying, not because I agreewith her. I don’t. She’s wrong. But I only know that because I’m the observer.

I loved it because she wasfinally being honest about how he’s made her feel. And how he’s made her feelisn’t just like she isn’t trusted:

It’s lonely. Alone.

She’s felt like she can’t goto him and ask for the assistance she needed, the help she wanted. The kind oflove she deserves. Honestly, I’m pretty sure she didn’t want his help either. Not at this stage. She wanted to rely onherself. To decide for herself. To make the choices he and Dig have always madefor her. To be their equal.

What she wanted was for him to say:

“Idon’t like it. I don’t want you to do it. You’re asking me to stand back andwatch you sell yourself because of a problem I caused. I don’t want it. It’llhurt too much… but I’m going to. I’m going to because I trust you. You alreadyknow I love you. And now I’m going to prove what that actually means to me. I’mgoing to place all my trust in you because I believe. In. You.

Always.”

Wonderful, right?

But this is from the point ofview of a woman who doesn’t fully understand Oliver Queen, through no fault ofher own. She’s the closest any woman has ever come to truly knowing him: sheDOES know him the best of everyone, even Thea…

And that is something he -subconsciously - can’t allow. He can’t have Felicity - the person he loves themost - close to his darkest demon. Can’t have her touched.

If she’d been ready at thetime of their break up, maybe she would have seen something else and NOT a manwho simply doesn’t trust her the way she craves to be trusted, the way she’dtrusted him and still does trust him. Even after everything.

But she couldn’t help missingthat because Oliver is emotionally stunted and very unaware of how his father’spromise and his survivor’s guilt have deepened that chasm inside him.

Oliver is also a man of hisword.

“We canprotect her.”

He made a promise to himselfand Dig and he was vehement in that promise.

It was a declaration ofintent: I want her in this but not at thecost of what makes her… her.

Do you think that ever goesaway for someone like Oliver? And do you think he ever forgets about that promise? No. It just grows stronger. It was crucial tohim; especially right at the beginning of it all.

And for Felicity Smoak it isan absolute - a requisite - STRONGER than his need to protect Thea.

He grew to accept at the endof season 3 - after choosing for her for most of the season - that Thea’s lifewas her own, that her actions were her own, her body was her own to throw itonto fire if she wanted to.

He’d hate it… but he’d get it.

He can’t do that with Felicitybecause she’s his cornerstone.

Even after they broke up, evenmonths later with this distance between them, she’s still the person who balances his world, who gives him structure.

When she first joined theteam, she enabled his night work in a way he didn’t think possible and she wasas safe as he could make her. Behind her computers. In HIS Foundry. Perfect.

She was where he could keep an eye on her andcontrol how deep into the life she was. In fact she only ever touched close todanger when she was in the field, which was few and far between for this exactreason.

Even when she opted – evenwhen it was her choice – Oliver (and by extension Dig) only agreed when theycould control the danger level.

But even then, things canstill go wrong.

The problem is that Felicityhas always been just as ‘in deep’ as the boys.

But she’s their precious gem:their lucky charm. Their lighthouse, their way home. The heart of the team.

What happens when a lighthousegoes dark?

The way home – your eyes –vanishes.

You loose sight of reality.

It was taken for granted, Felicity’s natural light. Her faith. He thought if he left it alone, it was stay exactly as it was...

The light on Oliver’s path –as pitiful and as small, as narrow and filled with thorns and without forks andchoices as that way has become – was, in his head, taken fully away in episode19. He was left asunder and confused.

Adrift. Lost at sea.... he’s already lost at sea.

He was lost at sea for years until he chose to stay away from Starling (I prefer the name Starling Cityto Star City btw).

After his return, she becamehis anchor. Slowly.

Overtime.

Moment by moment.

Until she becameirreplaceable.

And he didn’t realise just howdeep that went… until he broke her heart. Until she left him. Alone.

They’re as alone as eachother. Even when they’re with others. Even in a crowd. Even as they reached outto others, romantically or otherwise and it didn’t heal them.

Case in point: look at wherethey are right now. He thinks he’s a sociopathic serial killer and she’swilling to destroy her life to bring down the man who made him feel that way.

She is doing for Oliver whatOliver did for Thea in season 3.

All she’s asking is for him tolet her.

But he can’t.

He promised Dig he’d protecther. Just her.

Not Laurel or Thea or Sara or anyone else, not even Dig…Felicity was the one whom he’d never have twisted. The one neither of themcould or would sacrifice. IRREPLACEABLE.

Most importantly, he can’thave her become him. He’s been protecting her from that since day 1: he can’tfathom its possibility.

Oliver has paid a lot ofprices, sacrificed so much of himself. And he’s lost things and people.

Her soul is the one price toohigh to pay.

Yet Oliver feels likeeverything he has touched, every person who’s into contact with him, hassuffered because of him.

And now? …He feels what’s shedoing with helix, how she’s behaving is because of him. A darkness that nevercomes out created by him. To Oliver, he has created thispath of a deepening darkness for the woman he loves. Now he has to put up withwhat she’s been putting up with foryears. And he doesn’t like it.

Drink it is:

Like a husband who’s arguedwith his wife, had his words royally and correctly thrown back at him and inthe dog house. Big time!

What Oliver doesn’t realise isthat light can alter over time. It can grow warmer or more distinct. Stronger.Can shift and shine a new way. A better way. A softer way. Some lights can draw weaker ones out andstrengthen them.

Has anyone noticed the increased use of both purple and green this year on Arrow? Oliver’s and Felicity’s colours.

Not a coincidence.

When he sees her for who shereally is, when he finds out how her view of him – in walking in his shoes –has changed, has grown, when he discovers that his confession doesn’t have theaffect on her he thought it would, when she actually gives him a new andbrighter understanding of herself… he’ll see her light for what it is. For thebeauty in it. And he’ll love her all the more for it.

I think he’s going to tell her– when their air is ruining out, whilst he’s hurt and she’s defenceless – his painful truth andhe’ll be waiting for the worse case scenario reaction from her.

And… I feel like he’s going tobe given the shock of his life. Or something to that affect. (Am I justdesperate?)

Whatever happens, it’ll makehim view her as an equal in every sense of the term – he thought he alreadydid, but there was still that last layer of bubble wrap for him/her to pop.

And in walking in her shoes –in trying to move on, in watching her make the hard choices and being powerlessto stop her, in being on the other side of the fence and being the one who doesn’t get listened to – hisunderstanding and already super high regard for her will shoot past thestratosphere.

Like Wendy said:

“She’s beenthrough something now, and she sees him in a different light — and he also seesher in a different light. There’s a lot more mutual understanding, and eventhough I think it’s hard to top the mutual respect they already have for eachother, that goes up as well.”

Won’t be surprised if theyleave the bunker shooting each other awed, heart-eyed looks and thinking ‘wow’.

Remember the song?

I am so sorrythat I bothered youNow I know why you have to hideI didn’t know what you were going throughAll I could see was my own signI will just fade awayI will let you be hereI won’t say a word until you come to meUntil you come to meUntil you come to meThey just tell me what you’re in there forHow could I know you did not say?But now I know what I am living forTomorrow will be just another dayI will close my eyesAnd I hear a quiet peepI will wait in the shadows until you come to meUntil you come to meUntil you come to me, ohAh, sweet youth will all too quickly endAnd we will never be this freeSo all I ask is that we look againBefore we grow too old to seeI will fall aloneMy elm was sweet and envyStill I will be crying until you come to meUntil you come to meUntil you come to me, ah

Understanding. Readiness.Love. Trust. Heart.

I’llbe waiting for you. Until you come tome.

It’s a mutual thing (though Ido think this refers to Felicity more than Oliver).

And then it’ll be almost aseasy as falling, his new ideal. I think she’ll give him a new point of view.Or, at the very least, a way to see it differently.

Very soon they’ll be ready foreach other. The right fit.

A hero for a hero.

She has to open the door buthe needs to make her want to first.Strip each other down to the core.

And, come 5.22 (?) he needsstep on through it all on his own.

They’re going to fall in sync.

And by 5.23 we’re finallygoing to breathe that breath of sweet relief.

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