#i really do think we can all get better nd have mutually beneficial relationships

[1eos]

Hi kendra from a capricorn to a virgo do you have any tips on how to stop being the Therapist FriendTM? this shit is tiring 😭 btw love your blog keep being the funniest person on here

i DO have tips 🚶‍♀️ the past few yrs have been me learning how to stop too

-firstly nd maybe most importantly just make everyone respect your time? i used to make myself available for my friends 24/7 nd that was a bad idea bc if i didnt answer a text abt how they were sad instantly they would get mad at me so what i learned to do was tell everyone that i put my phone on do not disturb at a certain time so if i dont respond im getting ready for bed OR if i was busy/not in the right head space i would text back nd tell them i see their messages but im busy so ill get back to u in a second

-stop giving advice all the time. as the mom(tm) friend u want to dive in nd give advice or fix stuff but we gotta stop trying to fix EVERYTHING! what i do is i ask my friends if they just want to vent or if they want advice. nd if i feel like something is way beyond me i say ‘im not comfortable trying to give advice on this may i suggest talking to x,y,z’. i feel like showing ppl that u dont have all the answers would help make them realize youre not a mom or a therapist you're just a FRIEND

-have a threshold of caring. this doesnt happen often but ik everyone has that one friend that complains nd complains nd doesn’t want to get better they just want to complain until someone else fixes their shit. well what i do is after it becomes clear that they don’t want to fix a situation i tell them straight up that im only gonna listen to them drag everyone down w their issues WE’VE ALREADY TALKED ABT 3 more times. i have a close friend nd he hates his job w his dad so much but he’s not even TRYING to look for a new job nd after a yr of complaining there’s nothing i can do but tell him straight up that he’s stagnating nd there’s no more advice or help i can offer. its on him. u dont need to rude abt it ofc just be very honest. tell them u there’s nothing anyone can say/do until THEYRE ready to change. if they get mad at you even if ure nice abt it that’s a sign that theyre not a good friend tbh

-nd lastly. this is something i JUST learned how to be honest enough to do but just tell ur friends how u feel! if u have friends that care abt u they’ll understand when u tell them that ure overwhelmed with your own feelings/life so that u can’t  always be there for every small thing going on in their lives nd that u might answer messages slowly/not be able to hang out to listen to them complain all the time/etc BC u need to worry abt u! nd again there’s a very sincere nd nice way to say this obvs lmao nd if ur friends have an issue w you taking time for yourself then again they aint shit!

-basically try to open up an honest conversation w your friends? i find that the main reason we get stuck as the therapist friend is that we’d rather keep our problems to ourselves nd ppl see that as a sign that we have everything together when we don’t nd then WE feed off of helping others bc it makes us feel accomplished nd wanted when u shouldnt have to bear the burdens of everyone else to be a part of a friendship. relationships should be mutual giving nd taking! learning to be more vulnerable should make others see u as human nd u deserve to be able to ask for help from others :) i hope this helped im on this journey w u too anon pls know ure not alone 💖

#😔i feel for us therapist friends #i really do think we can all get better nd have mutually beneficial relationships #my life has gotten so much better since ive told my closest friend that im depressed as hell #nd cant drop everything for her #nd she was so understanding i cried 😭😭😭😭 #asks #Anonymous

[banjohateblog]

I’m so fucking anxious right now and like honestly a huuuuuuge part of it is just being back in Eugene and in my parent’s house and I’m also worried about money too and also because my top surgery date got pushed back big time like I’m probably gonna have to wait another year lmfao not like I’ve been binding for more than three already but whatever. 

And like also sometimes shit just gets worse for a while like that’s how things are, but I’m really anxious about me and Casey. And like, I don’t know. We’re pretty much the same as ever, and he’s leaving again soon which is same ol same ol, it fucking sucks and I miss him a lot when he’s gone but it’s nothing I’m not used to and I totally understand and am super excited for him to go do really cool research shit and be abroad!!! And like he’s been back for like three days and we’ve been together for the majority of that time and he was pretty physically affectionate today which I appreciated, and I’m feeling really loved and all that, but I’m just so afraid of fucking things up and of doing the wrong thing or crossing a boundary or something, and like I understand that his boundaries are different every day because that’s just what mental illness is like and that’s chill, I’m not mad or anything. I’m just so constantly afraid of doing the wrong thing and that it isn’t something I have control over (I know I have big issues with control lmao) and this isn’t one of those things I really have control over either!! Like if I starve myself or cut myself in really precise, controlled ways and control my response to it or f I step off every staircase and over every threshold and certain parts of the sidewalk with my left foot or if I keep myself meticulously clean and well-manicured that isn’t gonna cure my boyfriend’s depression!!!!!!! I sure as fuck wish it did. He honest to god deserves the world and is so sweet and good and it honestly breaks my heart that he doesn’t see that in himself. 

nd I have issues with control and wanting to do everything right all the time always to make sure my life is as perfectly in control as I can possibly make it!!!And like there are two roots to my anxieties about him (ok, one root but two like, causes I guess?) and they’re that he’s gonna stop liking me, and that he doesn’t want to have sex with me. And like, it isn’t really even about the sex in and of itself because I mean like, I really fucking love sex, like it’s awesome, and sex with him is awesome, it’s really about physical intimacy and honestly sex as a way to get that. Or maybe it is about sex. I don’t know. I think it’s just about intimacy, really, and also that I just really like kissing that boy a very much lot. And like I just want to touch him? And for him to touch me? But only if he WANTS it, obviously. Like I just really want touching each other in a sexual or non-sexual way to just be mutually beneficial and good? And he does lil things like putting his arm around me and scratching my head and the more traditionally “masculine” kinda cuddly things, like he’s the big spoon kinda things, you feel? And like, he usually does more of those bigger person kinda cuddly things just because of like, the way we are, and I do too, and I want to like, take the physical touch initiative, if that makes sense? Because I know that he gets starved for touch but also like, I also know that he’s been needing some big boundaries physically sometimes recently and so I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or do the wrong thing because not doing something that is outside of his comfort zone is something that I!!! Can!!! Control!!! Because I have problems with needing to control things because obviously if I just do everything right nothing bad will happen to me, right??? 

And idk, I’m also super bad at verbally asking for sex. Like I’ve gotten a lot better being like, “Is this ok?” when we’re just cuddling, but also I get nervous about like, if I put my hand on his leg or arm around him or anything that he won’t like it and then subsequently will hate me (which is obi BS anxiety brain shit and I know that and am working on it). Idk, I’m just anxious and want him to be comfortable and also don’t want him to hate me (which I know he doesn’t, of course, I just. Am Like This.) 

And also like. I really wanna get laid tbh. But am soooooooooooo bad at being like “Hey do you wanna have sex” just out loud because like!!! I am so awkward!!! Like I can totally bring up sex as a subject, and even our sex lives and toys and all that good stuff n we chat about it and it’s totally chill and all but actually asking for it even after being together for like two and a half years I just m so bad at like. Asking for what I want/need. I’m working on it, though. 

Don’t really know where exactly I was going with this post. I’m anxious that Casey is gone stop liking me or stop wanting to be with me. Even just typing that makes me feel it less. I also get so nervous that I just like him more than he likes me, and I know that’s because he just shows affection differently than I do, and I show affection in a more traditional way (in our society’s eyes). I think I’m also feeling some jealousy, too. These anxieties are soooooooo not new, and ones that I’ve been really at peace with lately. I think that just not being totally clear on his boundaries because he isn’t totally sure what is and isn’t ok with him day to day is just really messing me up right now, and I think I’m gonna talk to him about it tomorrow and that should help, we’ve been doing a lot better at communicating wth each other. I’m just very, very anxious right now, and I’ve always had a lot of anxiety about our relationship. I just love him so much, and we have such a good time together, and I am not wanting to make any sort of big commitment (i.e. marriage or even thinking about it, yikes) because I am a Baby Child, but honestly, not monogamous and not stuck in dead-end nine to fives with our picket fence and 2.3 kind (because that is my personal idea of an actual hell and thinking about it makes me feel so so awful and I know it’s the same for him) I can see myself wanting to spend the rest of my life with him, in some fashion at least. 

I don’t know. I don’t know. It’s an anxious night. I’m just feeling a lot of old anxieties right now, and I don’t know if it’s being back in Eugene or just the distance I’m at right now from ending things w my abusive/toxic ex-friend or just the way I am right now or how long it’s been since I’ve talked to Mae or what but next thing I know I’ll probably have convinced myself of all of my seven-year-old anxieties about all the ways I’m gonna die in my sleep. Ah, well. I’ll talk to my partners and feel better, I hope. Can n I are going camping tomorrow and I’m really excited :)

#diary #I think I just need to talk to Mae rn #it has been a loooong time #and when I say that I mean like a month maybe since we've skyped #but she's so grounding #like no one else #except maybe Cas but him in a different way #idk #also miss my therapist #good ol martha