#i saw my FP today and it was rly fun for the first like hour

[nervousyoungtwinfantasydog]

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#vent #actually borderline #i saw my FP today and it was rly fun for the first like hour #and long story short i forgot how nervous he gets in cars #i didn’t know the powwow we were going to was at the fairgrounds rather than on campus like it usually is #so he didn’t come with bc he got triggered and i :((( #legit cried lmao #and had a mental spiral into damn near insanity #obviously we’re fine now #i apologized like immediately and we were good #but my brain was like ‘he hates you and will never speak to you again and will leave you’ #and then i became rly scared bc my last FP wouldn’t have handled that nearly as well #and i know T is nothing like that #but it’s so hard to train my brain into remembering that the ppl in my life won’t hurt me #even when i fuck up #idk #ig it’s just weird adjusting to a new life with ppl who make me feel safe #also my dissociation has been so bad #nothing from the past 4 months feels real #it’s like i’m living in a dream #reality feels so fuzzy #i feel like i’m just going thru the motions #i think part of me is scared to leave survival mode #im worried that if i let my guard down i’ll get hurt again #anyways #healing is hard