#i still think the 'my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard; and they're like; dead' tag on the og post is SO funny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shallowstories · 1 year

Text

"Rawr."

After Peace of Mind, Dean & Cas have a little too much fun at Sam's expense.

///

After the Charming Acres case, Sam’s depression is still a heavy weight around his neck. But he he sleeps soundly for the first time in weeks. Maybe Cas’s pep talk about honoring the AU hunters’ memory, and not failing Jack and Dean, had actually helped.

When they get back to the bunker, even the good-natured ribbing from Dean n' Cas about the cardigan (and the glasses and the ponytail) is kinda soothing.

It's almost enough to distract him from the shame of failing everyone.

///

Weirdly enough, Sam remembers everything “Justin Smith” did, from pulling on the buttery soft cardigan in the morning, to demanding a martini from “Cindy,” (who, by the way, actually turned out to be a high-powered lawyer named Megan from Chicago).

He chuckles to himself, recalling (a little wistfully if he's honest) their Stepford-decorated house, her throaty purr, and his matched, painfully awkward, “Rawr.”

But then, Dean’s grating voice drives a knife through the not-fantasy.

“Dude, seriously? When did you get that?”

Blame it on the lack of sleep, but Sam nearly jumps out of his skin. "Get what?”

“Uhh, the blender, Martha Stewart.”

Sam looks down at the bowl in his hands (chopped papaya, mango, banana, cucumber) and over to the new Ninja blender sitting proudly on the counter.

“Uhh, yesterday, dude.”

“Yesterday.”

“Yeah, Dean. Yesterday.”

Dean looks overjoyed, but it’s in that mean-spirited, you’re-never-gonna-hear-the-end-of-this kinda way.

“Is that…dairy? I thought you were all rabbit foodin' it lately.”

Sam curls his arms around his vanilla protein powder, just as Cas trudges into the kitchen. “It’s rice milk,” he hisses, willing them both to go the-fuck-away.

Cas blinks at the ingredients, looks to Sam, then looks back to the ingredients. He slowly breaks into his crooked, sideways smile. Sam doesn't like it.

“Sam," Cas says, too-politely. "Are those ingredients to concoct a milkshake?”

Understanding slowly blooms on Dean’s face. “Oh, my god, Sammy. Milkshake!”

Busted. Sam sighs and continues measuring out the nutritional powders he's planning on adding.

And then, Cas pokes a little more, “I assume it’s your take on ‘Harrington’s famous townie' milkshake?”

“Oh, my god, Harrington's," Dean echoes, like they're doing the world's most annoying comedy-duo Bit. "Like the one from your fake hometown in bumfuck, Arkansas? That Harrington's?”

“It’s just a protein shake, Dean.”

Sam tries not to sull' up, but he knows that's probably what he's doing.

“Kay, Smoothie King.”

“You know,” Cas says, faux-lightly. And despite his careful expression and flat tone, it's clear that he's enjoying himself at Sam’s expense. “At first, we thought the 1950s 'craze' was a spell transmitted through the milkshakes. Sam seemed very bewitched by them, at least.”

Dean's cheeks dimple even more.

"Really? And how were the milkshakes, Sammy? Did they, yanno, bring all the boys to the yard?"

Sam rolls his eyes so hard it makes him a little seasick. "Yeah, Dean. They were good milkshakes."

Cas chimes in with a strange, incredibly dorky vocal intonation of the original Justin Smith, " I believe it was, 'They're the best.'"

It's spot on. He even swings his arms into plucky, swaggering fists as he says it.

Dean snorts, and Cas continues.

“I had a strawberry milkshake. There was a cherry on top."

"Ohhh, a cherry." Deans crows. He sways way too close to Cas, and Cas takes a sudden step back, right into Sam's space. Sam hisses, 'watch it' and moves his bowl of fruit outta the way, before they knock it over.

"Didja poppa cherry? Huh, Cas?"

Too proud of himself for the stupid joke, Dean follows that up with a weird, throaty purr. Sure, it sounds a little like Jim Gaffigan, or a fourteen-year-old boy making his first dirty joke, but strangely, all Sam can think of is Cindy.

Cas’s eyes rocket to Sam, and Sam draws himself up into a full-body cringe. Cas probably doesn't remember that exchange.

Sam hopes he doesn't remember.

Then, Cas narrows his eyes, grins triumphantly at Dean, and lift his hand up, clawlike, in the the exact same way Justin-Sam had done to Cindy.

“Rar.”

Dean puffs a bark of laughter. Then, he lowers his eyes...and he does the embarrassing throaty purr again.

“Rar,” answers Cas, overly simply.

He's totally pokerface about it, almost like he’s daring Sam to say something.

"Try it like this," Dean insists, and he purrs again and waggles his eyebrows. "Or you could do it like this: 'Ralllwwwr'." (When Dean does, it, of course, it has a perfect trill.)

Cas just deadpans back.

"Rar."

“Come on, Cas. That’s awful. At least roll the 'r'!”

Dean gets up in Cas's face again and does another particularly pervy-sounding purr. Cas tips his chin up, like he's thinking about trying harder, but:

"Rar."

They're so fucking stupid.

Sam notes that Cas's foot is totally in foot-stomping territory. If Sam wanted to, he could stomp on it.

He kind of wants to.

The Charming Acres jokes are getting fuckin' old, after all.

Cas cants his eyes to the side. “Of course, maybe Sam can show us how it's done?”

Dean scrunches up his face in confusion. "Sam can what?" His face continues to run through a thousand expressions, and Sam doesn't care to decode any of them. “Uh, am I missin' something?”

Cas actually snickers. “Or maybe Sam cannot. Maybe it was a purely a ‘Justin,’ thing.”

Dean blinks stupidly. "Wait. Wha-?"

“If my memory serves me, and it almost always does, I recall ‘Justin’ rawr-ing at his ‘wife.’”

Dean finally gets it. Then, he looks like Christmas has come early. And he bends double as he howls with laughter. He wags his finger at Sam.

"S-so you not only did the ponytail and the glasses and the cardigan, you--you--AHAHAHA!"

Sam picks up his bowl and violently shoves the rest of his ingredients into the blender. When Dean's cackles pitch higher, Sam stabs his finger at the Puree button, and the blender roars to life.

Dean keeps on laughing, and Cas's mouth stays all twitchy, like he's barely holding back.

///

Even when the shake’s done, Sam purposely revs the blender motor whenever Dean or Cas open their mouths to speak. After awhile, Dean reaches over and unplugs it with a victorious, Ha!

But Sam keeps on ignoring them as he pours his delicious creation into a large single-serve glass. (No way in Hell is he sharing. Not even if Dean paid him a million dollars.)

"Oh, come on, Sammy. Don't be like that."

Cas raises a brow at Dean. "Maybe we should...'skedaddle.'" At that turn of phrase, Dean looks like he's having the time of his life, like he's a seven year old on his first roller coaster.

Dean makes the purring noise again. "Oh, you. Love it when you talk all stupid n' old-fashioned like that."

If Sam were in a better mood, surely he could find some way to get back at them, or turn it around on them. Instead, he drinks his shake too fast and winds up with a catastrophic ice cream headache.

So, he shoots Cas the bird with his free hand. Because this is mostly Cas's fault for telling. Like the universe is punishing him, the headache gets more intense in his throat. He set his glass down on the counter to press a warm palm against his neck.

Cas looks back to Dean and feints a sultry, distinctly-Justin-Smith-like, "Oh, you."

Dean must pick up that it means something at Sam's expense, so he parrots it back, but even more syrupy. "Oh, you."

Then, Dean does the lameass purr sound again.

(Sam tries to turn on the blender but belatedly remembers that Dean's already unplugged it.)

What happens next is the strangest thing so far.

Cas sets a hand on Dean's shoulder and fires Dean's purr back at him. This time, it's no "rar" but a perfect mimicry of Dean, even rolling his 'r's. The humor drains from Dean's face for some reason, and then Cas's voice drops even lower, towards something like a real growl.

It's maybe too much a shade of non-human, more like a special effect than goofing off. It's kind of scary, to be honest.

Dean drops his eyes to the floor, maybe uncomfortable with how animalistic it sounds? Then, to Sam's surprise, Dean gets a funny little smile on his face and turns the general color of an overcooked lobster.

Wonderingly, Sam thinks he finally has a chance to play the upper hand, but--

"Sam?"

It's Jack, hesitantly standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

Everything comes to a weird standstill as Jack stares blankly at all three of them. Cas doesn't let go of Dean.

Then, Jack asks, like he's not even phased by the awkwardness of it all, "I-is there any more smoothie?"

And instead of seizing the opportunity to warp Dean's playfulness into something that would undoubtedly humiliate someone...

...Sam finds himself hurrying to scrounge up more milkshake ingredients.

#tfw idiosyncracies #sam + healthy eating #charming acres #ficlet #dean/cas #sam + 200% done #tfw + kitchen #the bunker kitchen

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j-ellyfish · 2 years

Note

Gerita! And Pruita!

Show me a good Gerita AMV and my head goes empty real fast. I especially love ANVs that exclusively use clips from the anime because really there's SO MUCH stuff we don't even really need fanarts 😂 About Angst, I really like Gerita angst but I didn't circle it like the others because my favorite kind of Gerita angst is linked to Holytalia and since I technically don't think HRE and Germany are the same person, I wasn't sure it'd count. Lately though I'm also really liking the potential angst of Feli during WW2 being conflicted between his feelings for Ludwig and thus staying loyal to him, and the utter disappointment and hostility this would cause pro-Allies Romano to have against him. Either way, Feli is gonna lose someone he loves and we all know how that's basically his biggest fear and trauma. 😢💔 Plus, if we take for granted that Ludwig is not HRE, Gerita gets inherently angsty real quick because it'd force Italy to let go of his beloved HRE and his hope to see him again.

THESE TWO. HIMARUYA I DEMAND MORE PRUITA INTERACTIONS IN THESE TRYING TIMES, VIELEN DANK. Ok soooo back in the day I kind of liked Pruita more than Gerita and although this might have changed, I am still soooo fond of Pruita and their canon interactions 💕 Lots of wasted potential there. I love how they have a lot more history together, and how Gil helped Feli in gaining independence from Roderich and how they're basically the cutest fluffiest dorks together in current times. Sure it can get angsty with Feli blatantly preferring Ludwig in canon despite Gil having loved him for soooo long 😭💔 Wish Pruita was more popular in the fandom, it deserves more love.

Feli's milkshake brings all the German boys to his yard.

#hetalia #aph italy #aph prussia #aph germany #gerita #pruita #ask game #Germany Prussia and HRE - Feli is a German boy magnet

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bioshockcats · 4 years

Conversation

Incorrect Bioshock Quotes

Hector: you think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?! Well you can-

Cohen: Heey~

Hector: go fuck yourself

Cohen: only if you watch me~

Cobb: -oh my gosh! Welcome to Fort Frolic!! You're going to love it here!!

Hector: I lost the ability to love years ago.

Hector: who ever left the fuckin-... Avocado salad in the fridge, I'm taking it because I have the worse hangover right now

Cobb: why would you drink on a work night?

Hector: I'm hungover from this morning dumbass!

Martin: isn't that my lunch?

Hector: you know what?! I can't take this assault right now! I need to blow off some fucking steam!! AAHHHHHH!!!

Hector: Kyle! That clingy rich asshole is on the phone, says it's urgent and wants to talk to you. Sound a little DTF-y.

Kyle: oh god dammit it was one time! And if I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole none of us would have access to the surface....

Martin:.... You what?

Cohen: you know what happens when I get lonely Kyle.

Kyle, whispering: oh god fucking dammit....

Cohen: when I'm lonely I become hungry and when I become hungry I want to choke on that d**k of yours. **** Your **** and lick off all of your *** before taking out **** and ***** with more teeth until you screaming ******* like a fucking baby!-

Kyle: *hanging up the phone*

Hector, drunk: Cobb!! There's two of you... *Snorts*

Fontaine: Hey son! Why didn't you mow the damn lawn!

Jack: oh, I dunno maybe because I don't give a fuck-!

Fontaine: that's my boy.

Fontaine: I eat Cheerios because they're heart healthy, and my heart has been severely damaged. So Brigid if you're out there.

Diane: I always like to spank my dough... Who's your daddy?

Elizabeth: hey fontaine-

Atlas: what- fuck-

Elizabeth: yep! I knew it! I knew you were Fontaine -

Atlas: no no it's not what you think. It sounded like you said Atlas! It just sounded-

Elizabeth: Fontaine-

Atlas: what?! GODDAMMI-

Elizabeth: hey-!

Fontaine: I claim this house mine!

Ryan: uh no, I live here.

Fontaine: tssssk oh I already called the guys....

Tenenbaum: let me see what you have?!

Little Jack: a knife!

Tenenbaum: no-!

Suchong: my god why does he have a knife.

Cobb: Ayo how much money do you have?

Hector: like 69 cents.

Cobb: oh- y'know what that means.

Hector: I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets.

Comstock: I mean four female ghost busters ? The feminist are taking over (I'm an adult virgin).

Cobb: bro I had a dream we fucked.

Martin: bro it's just a dream.

Cobb: I'm not gay I wouldn't fuck you.

Martin: you wouldn't ?

Cobb: well I mean unless you want to?

Atlas: I saw you hanging out with Ryan yesterday!

Suchong: Atlas- atlas ! It's not what you think!

Atlas: I won't hesitate bitch!

Tenenbaum: there is one thing worse than a splicer- boom-

Suchong: a child.

Tenenbaum: No-

Elizabeth: you ready to fucking die?!

Fitzroy: ah-! I'm a bad bitch you can't killl me !

Kyle: I'm nuts about these nuts, but I'm also nuts about my close good friends.

Hector, Martin and Cobb sitting around Kyle

Kyle: my close good friends.

Father Wales: slow down, grab your Bible, pray like you're trying to make your so revival. Praise the Lord.

Booker, to Hector: let's get white girl wasteeeedddddd.

Steinman: everyone saying they don't want Ebola and I'm just sitting like a bowl of what? Soup?

Culpepper: he doesn't deserve you. If he doesn't treat you right by now you're gone.

Jasmine: I'm gone!

Culpepper: now go chop his dick off!

Langford: Bill look it's the good kush.

McDonagh: this is the dollar store how good can it be?

Little sister: Jack! Is that a weed?!

Jack: what? No it's a crayon-

Little sister: I'm calling the police!

Fontaine and Tenenbaum having a fight at Mercury Suites.

Paparazzi, into the audio diary: oh my god they were roommates.

Little Jack: sleep?! I dunno about sleep! It's summer time!

Tenenbaum: you better go to bed!

Little Jack: oh she caught me-

Ryan: hey babe, happy one year.

Diane: I'm twenty seven

Booker: two shots of vodka *pouring the entire bottle*

Father Wales: I want a church girl who goes to church... AND READ HER BIBLLEEEEE

Fink: can I get one large dark roast

Fitzroy: boy you no good ugly ass piece of shit Dave Mathews lookin' mother fucker!

Cohen: teehee hee ha ha ha-! Ryan~!

Gil: is there anything better than pussy? Yes! A really good book!

Tenenbaum, approaching the little sister.

Little sisters: Mommy?

Tenenbaum: do I look like-

Poole: oh hi, thanks for checking in I'm still a piece of garbage.

Ryan: did you hang out with Fontaine last night?

Diane: y'know yeah I did.

Ryan: ohhh I love Fontaine.

Diane: you hate Fontaine.

Ryan: yeah no shit honey!!

Father Wales: guys get out of the way!!! It's the Lord!!!!!

Jack: Elmer's glue! Strong enough to hold anything together except for my deteriorating relationship with my father! Nothing can hold that together !

Cohen: I'm so sick of all these haters. Like started from the bottom now we're here

Culpepper: you have no haters, like nobody knows you.

Cohen: you're a hater!!!

Langford: my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like "is this vegan? Because I'm vegan."

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