#i think ds learned how to claw his way out a long time ago

[themthistles]

something about the way guilt is portrayed in beyond evil. guilt as a state, guilt as a place you're condemned to. 'i will go to hell' 'life is hell' 'you shouldn't even set foot in that hell' but it's not really the hell we think of, not in the traditional sense. hell is where you're supposed to be sent to suffer and repent forever but all of them go there willingly. (that's why han kihwan will never end up there as juwon wants because he feels no remorse over his actions) they choose to stay and let it scorch the life out of them until all that's left is someone hollow and brittle, real person buried beneath the surface in a grave they themselves dug. in that way it's not lee changjin or the water that killed nam sangbae. it's guilt. that's what doomed him in the end. that hell of his own making he never managed to escape. and as he drowned, he probably thought he deserved that too. jeongje's still there until the end but so much of him died long ago. he's a ghost haunting himself. he tells juwon 'if you don't get out quickly, every breath, every moment of your life becomes a nightmare' if you stay that hell alone long enough, that's what happens. at a certain point you can't wake up anymore. you forget how to leave

#there are these parallels between nsb jj and jw #how both of them give him advice that comes from experience #'don't do this you'll regret it' 'don't do this there's no coming back from it' and both times he doesn't listen and ends up just like them #jw's almost a ghost in the beginning like jj but ds and manyang yank him back to life #and then ds doesn't let jw become another nsb he refuses to let him stay in that hell alone he says as much #i think ds learned how to claw his way out a long time ago #what he says in ep14 #'wouldn't regret be a luxury for me' #a luxury #he understands that guilt at its most extreme is ultimately self serving #because it keeps you in this woe me state where you become so obsessed with your own failure that everything else gets drowned out by it #ds does the opposite he decenters himself in his mind focuses on the pain of others instead of his own #'this is how he makes himself happy' this is how he survives #he knows that wallowing in guilt won't do any good won't change anything what's done is done he accepts it #he says 'if i could go back i WOULD do the same thing again because that's all he could ever do #he did what he thought was right at the time now he has to live with it #nsb can't figure that out can't accept his mistakes can't move on from them so he's stuck in the past #he dies stuck in the past #'you want to cry aloud for your mistakes but to tell the truth the world doesn't need any more of that sound' you know? #that i think is the point in the end #but does that ever fuck you up how jj nsb and jw (for a while) are driven by guilt but ds always acts out of love #he has so much of it despite everything #and juwon only surivives because he starts acting out of love and care and devotion instead of shame and remorse #beyond evil

[doodledrawsthings]

From the Horizon

(spits on hands then grabs the control rod) Someone needs to derail this angst train, and it looks like it’s going to be me!

  It observes the world quietly, serenely, as all in the Horizon do. There are many things to see, after all, for the Horizon is a place everywhere and nowhere, ever-present and utterly unreachable, visible yet never attainable by things not already there. So it watches, distant and close in a way the Solid Things cannot understand (would find upsetting if they tried to understand).

The fragment-thought gives it pause. Where had that come from? ‘Upset,’ a curious word, unnatural, alien, incomprehensible. So why does it know it…?

Ah, yes, from the Solid World. A tear had appeared in the Horizon and it had slipped through, to view the Solid World more closely. The tear is mended now, neat red stitches returning things to as they should be. It had checked when it first returned to the Horizon, so it knows for sure.

…why had it checked? It is where it should be, all is well. Perhaps it has to do with the strange things it had noticed in itself when it returned. Shapes it should not have, sounds that do not belong, phrases that jar the silver and red serenity, and that it leaves alone. Things from its time in the Solid World that have no purpose or place here. Likely they will fade to nothing in time (No no nono-).

It shakes away the edge of the wrong-concept lingering from its time in the Solid World and returns to observing the Solid Creatures. Strange things, a pair of small blobs – brown-and-blue, purple-and-peach – and a long gangle thing as much Shadow as Being. Nonsense beings, all of them, as all Solid Creatures are. It watches vaguely, far and close and many and no places. Wander they do, wander and commune with other Solid Creatures, old things, strange things, candle flames and books and red thread-

…perhaps it should stop watching. Why is it watching these? No reason. The Horizon lulls it (comforts it-) another wrong-concept, it has too many of them now, perhaps these Solid Creatures are causing them, it will find others to fol-

(NO NO NO NO NO- -ATCH- -AT KI- BO- HEL-!)

-it will continue to follow them-

-no it will not, they make the wrong-concepts strong, it will leave-

(-Y FRI- -DS!)

-yes, it will leave, it will look at other-

-it cannot. It tries, but it cannot. But it is not a Solid Creature, it is of the Horizon. There are no bonds, no bounds, it simply is, it is here, it is there, except it is not there, it is here, it is growing more and more Here, except Here is now There, and the Horizon, the Horizon is tearing right before it, the threads are screaming, this is Wrong, it is- (afraid) it is- (not like the others anymore) it is-

-dark, there is dark, there is Shadow where there is only red and silver, a Solid Creature, the Shadow-as-Being one, not here, should not be here, must get away, wrong-

“FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL~!!!!”

Silence splits and wrong-concepts jangle and scream in it and it cannot escape the grasping claws, the yanking grasp, pulled from its place, out of the Horizon, in the Solid World again, rushing, thrusting, a shape the wrong-concepts know-

  OoOoOoOoO

  -Moonjumper comes to with a shriek. The last thing he remembers- he remembers- Her- or, no. No, worse, he remembers the Horizon, he had been back in the Horizon, he doesn’t want to be back in the Horizon-!

“Don’t think this means I’m grateful or anything!”

The familiar voice pulls him from his thoughts, lets him look up to find Snatcher inches away from his face and glaring at him, and that’s definitely a good reason to shriek again.

“Snatcher, be nice! He’s been through a very traumatic experience!”

Another familiar voice- Bow Kid, Bow Kid coming to help him sit up while Hat Kid shakes her fist at Snatcher.

“You were as worried as we were, you big pool noodle, don’t act like you don’t care!”

“I don’t,” the ghost grumps, folding his arms in an over-dramatic sulk that Moonjumper is far too familiar with, “I didn’t tell him to go fight Her, he did it on his own, and he got what he deserved, so there.”

“Uh-huh,” the purple-clad alien’s look is appropriately skeptical as she folds her arms right back at him, “And that’s why as soon as you found out about it you insisted on going all noodly again and on helping us get his body back and looking through all those super-boring books about how to get to the Horizon anyway-”

“You! Stop talking!” the ghost cuts her off, obviously flustered, turning his attention to Moonjumper, “And you start talking – if I grabbed the wrong stupid wispy Horizon thing, I wanna know now so I can go get the right one!”

“See? You do care!”

“Shut up, kiddo!”

“…you’re a ghost again.” Moonjumper blinks and- no, that wasn’t why- “You’re not supposed to be a ghost anymore, I went to fight… Her so you could stay human- why are you- I thought you wanted to-?” he had gotten himself sent back to the Horizon, almost stuck there again forever, for nothing-?

Snatcher huffs and folds in on himself, mumbling something he can’t quite hear.

“I- I’m sorry, what was that?”

“WE COULDN’T GET YOU BACK IF I HAD!” Snatcher bellows, glaring, “There, happy? Being human again made me go all mushy and do stupid things like thinking I’d miss you if you were gone or something, it’s disgusting, and the space brats were worried about you and it affected me, yuck!” he sticks out his tongue, then dives into a shadow with a last call of, “And that’s my old body you’re using, so you better take better care of yourself in the future or else!”

Moonjumper blinks at where the ghost had been, then down at where Bow’s still supporting him and Hat Kid is rocking on her heels, grinning, “He… helped you get me back?”

“He instigated it,” Bow informs him.

“He’s just too big a soon-dey-reh to admit it,” Hat Kid adds, hopping over to give him a hug, “Welcome home, Moonjumper!”

“Welcome home!” Bow Kid joins in the hug as well.

…they’d come for him. He’d done something incredibly stupid, then started- started forgetting them and himself and everything he’d learned and loved since he first found the Prince’s body all those years ago and- and he just-

With a lump in his throat, tears in his eyes, and an almost overwhelming sense of relief, he hugs the kids back. “Thank-you.”

#A HAT IN TIME #ahit #moonjumper #bonestealer mcoonsprite #oth!au #oh the humanity au #submission #FANFIC #AHDGDHJSHSDHHSHSHDHDHJSJSHD #HHHHHOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHGGG MY GOD #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #MOM HOLY FUCK #YES!! OK OK OK OK 1.) i love how you describe the horizon #thats it thats definitely how the horizon would be #and 2.) TSUNDERE SNATCHER HE ABSOLUTELY CARES ABOUT HIM THATS #UGH THIS IS SO BITTERSWEET #SNATCHER YOU IDIOT HUG HIM HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING FROM YOUR TIME STUCK IN A HUMAN BODY #greentrickster

[rdwrer98]

Alright, time to buckle up because boy howdy is this a long post. But considering what has recently transpired, I feel like rambling on about my recent exploits in the world of Pokemon. And because of how big a deal this is to me, I shall even begin this from when I was a small child! So prepare yourselves for this enthralling saga...

It all began when I was very young. My older brother had a Nintendo 64 (it still works to this day and is a key component to this story) and one of the games on it is Pokemon Stadium. Now I first started playing this myself when I was what, 3? 4? It actually helped me read and unlike most books dedicated to helping children below the age of 5 learning how to read, it was animated with cool monsters beating the crap out of each other with lasers, tidal waves, blasts of fire, earthquakes and spoons. So when you recall how much stuff I have written on my A03, remember that a big reason for my literary prowess is due to this game.

But I digress. Now in most Pokemon games that were out at the same time as Stadium (the original Red, Green, Blue and Yellow) were for Gameboy. In the Gameboy ones, it was the classic 'pick a starter, roam the world, catch and train Pokemon, earn Gym badges'. Stadium doesn't have that, instead it was a way to bring your Pokemon to 3D in (for its time) AMAZING GRAPHICS and compete in multiplayer. But there was another cool game mode on it, the Stadium. Four tournaments that beckon you to compete. My brother won the Petit Cup rather early on, as far as I know it's been won. The Pika Cup was beaten by me older sister a few years ago. But the Poke Cup (highlighted)?

THAT was mine. Many a days I would compete in it, battling my way through its four stages over the years. At Poke and Great Ball levels, it wasn't too hard. At Ultra, I really struggled but pulled through. But to truly win this, you have to beat all four and thus my final challenge remains to this day; the Master Ball level. Long have I failed, clawing and fighting my way through the challengers and losing to AI BS. For the last 17 years or so, this has been my greatest goal in gaming; win the Poke Cup.

But here's the catch; I didn't have a Gameboy as a kid like literally every friend I ever had. I never got to experience the Pokemon Grind until I was 19 and a friend lent his DS to me with Platinum out of pity at being such a deprived child. Now the Gen 4 games are ones I hope to one day win, but it was a lesser conquest compared to the glory of claiming the Poke Cup.

Then for my 21st, I was given the tool of my ascension.

My dear friend @spottermiz came all the way down to the Cook Islands for my 21st (in Maori culture, this is one of the most important birthdays in your life) and gave me a Gameboy Color with Pokemon Yellow. For the first time in years, I had a chance at winning the Poke Cup. I booted up that old game and immediately started out.

Now I will admit, I was hammering out Yellow every chance I had for awhile. I cleared Gyms all the way up to Blaine when it all went south. Y'see, the Poke Cup has a strict rule on what Level your team must be to qualify; Level 50. Now the best XP is won in Yellow from Trainer Battles, but I had won pretty much all of them. And this was on a 1995 or so game so the VS Seeker that lets you rematch the AI didn't exist. Meaning I had to rely on wild Pokemon. Which give much lower XP

This was when I plataeu'd. I was just fighting wild Pokemon in the Seafoam Islands because that was the only place I could actually find worthy enough Pokemon. It honestly took a lot out of me and my dedication waned. Along with a slew of many personal issues in my life (alcoholism, depression, loss, etc) I barely touched the Gameboy for awhile.

Then on a whim, I took my Gameboy with me when I was hanging out with some friends. They were playing Dark Souls on their fancy pants PS4 and there I was with a Gameboy Color. And that was when I realized something; the drive came back when I played Yellow while around other people. We would take turns taking jabs at each other's gaming, there was laughing, there was life, I was suddenly invigorated in Yellow again. So for the past month, a fire was reignited in me and I began playing in earnest (I think the Pokemon Anime was onto something with the Power of Friendship crap XD)

And tonight, after 45 hours and 8 minutes of gameplay over 2 years, my team all reached Level 50. And all were eligible for registration to the Poke Cup.

17 years I have tried and failed time and time again to win. For so long I felt like Sisphyus, eternally in reach of victory yet it would always elude me

Now...

Now there's nothing stopping me. My team is registered, all their moves picked out and each one trained up to the best I can do. The stage is set and I will play through the entireity of the Poke Cup, starting all the way from the lowest level and fighting to the top. Might seem excessive, but this is my first time getting a handpicked and tailor-made team moulded from experienced gameplay into this. The lower levels are good for testing them out in this and will make my final conquest all the sweeter.

And I am taking y'all along for the ride. I'll be making posts detailing my Challenge of the Day on my @rdwrer98 blog, updating it as I go along. But upon finishing a daily challenge, it'll be reblogged to my other blogs.

A lifetime I have spent trying to reach this moment. And I want to share it with all of you.

#pokemon #rdwrer #gaming #video games #pokemon stadium