#i went off wow sokaoskaoksaoks

[lover-of-mine]

I'm gonna start this off by saying that this has been ping-ponging around my head like that old dvd screensaver, quicking around and getting more unhinged every time it hit a corner since April. And while this is a meta on the cemetery scene in Death and Taxes, I will be going back and forth in the whole show, so I don't know, buckle up, grab your delusional juice, and come with me if you feel like it.

First thing about that scene is that it tries to make you think about the equine therapy conversation in Dumb Luck.

They are in a location we have never seen before and probably will never see again, the outfits are similar, and even the circumstances of the conversation could be read as close to each other, considering Eddie wasn't doing well after almost dying, Buck is definitely not handling his death well. I made a way too detailed meta about the cinematography of buddie during Eddie's breakdown era (you can read it if you want more details) but the main thing about the dumb luck conversation is that Eddie is finally letting Buck in after continuously shutting him down when he tried to offer help and that's reflected on the way they filmed the scene, the way they are talking, moving, positioned in the frame. It's about Buck reminding Eddie that there's hope after all. Considering the moment Buck's in, with them alluding to that conversation, you would've expected for them to do a similar thing with Buck, right? That this scene going to give Buck the same type of peace the equine therapy talk gave Eddie.

But it doesn't. One thing that's kind of a pattern with Buck, Eddie, and Eddie reassuring Buck (if you could call 2 scenes a pattern) is that they have Buck looking up at Eddie (I also talked about this in more detail here if you're interested) but that's interesting because of Buck's height, he's the tallest person in the room, so he's not usually looking up at people, but something about Buck as character is that he has the tendency to sit in higher places, so he's always higher, and he even picked a place where he can sleep in a high spot.

But when he's getting reassurance from other people in his life, they are both usually sitting down, at the same eye level.

But when he goes to Eddie for reassurance, Eddie is standing up and Buck is sitting down, so Buck is literally looking up at Eddie when he goes to Eddie for advice. And Eddie is always focused on Buck, in Home and Away, Eddie is reasoning with him, and in Recovery Eddie is trying to give Buck what Buck is asking while not pushing his boundaries.

Why is that relevant here? Well, Buck spends the whole conversation in the cemetery trying to get Eddie to look at him and Eddie spends most of the conversation looking forward so he won't have to.

And that alone is very interesting because Eddie is always looking at Buck. I could legit put 100 screenshots here to prove it. So the fact that Eddie can't look at Buck here, means something. Because Buck wants Eddie to be on his side, he needs Eddie to tell him he's doing the right thing, but the way he's talking is making Eddie shut down.

Buck wants answers, right? He wants the easy way out. He died, he has feelings about it he doesn't want to deal with, so he's looking for whatever answers he can get so he won't have to. But the way he's talking sounds a lot like the way Eddie talks to him in Kids Today when he drops Christopher off with him before the tsunami. Very you're alive, get over it thing Eddie had going that ended with him literally destroying everything he had. So, like, we know that's not the way to go about near-death experiences, it doesn't end well because the pressure has to go somewhere and let's face it, Buck has never dealt with anything that happened to him ever. He can't just keep moving past the shit he's been through, at some point, that's gonna catch up to him.

But the thing about the actual content of the conversation is the way that Eddie tries to do the thing he usually does, reason with Buck, "been down that road, don't recommend it" or "or you don't know her the way he does" or "now am I allowed to ask how you are", because it's how they work, but Buck shuts him down with the "I feel like she sees me, like she really sees me for who I am" because that threw Eddie off balance in their relationship, in their friendship really, considering they way they showed us buddie from in a flash to mixed feelings, Eddie is trying his best to be someone Buck relies on, the way we've seen him rely on Buck through his trauma recovery. And one thing we see Eddie constantly do is back away so he won't get hurt once things get too intense. He puts space between him and whatever is bothering him, he ran to LA to escape his parents' judgment (and to be closer to Shannon but his parents played a part there), he kept Shannon at arm's length through most of the time she was back in his life before she died, he kept pushing Buck away after the lawsuit, he pushes everyone away really before his PTSD took him down. Dude retreats from the fight if he's not sure and Buck throws him off balance. Because up until this moment, Eddie thinks he's helping, but we see him realize he was wrong and shut down in real time.

He's still trying, but his thing now is agreeing with Buck. This gif has 11 seconds, black and white because I wanted the whole thing in one gif, but Buck is trying to get a reaction out of him, but Eddie already moved to a whatever you say buddy mode. AND EDDIE JUST WON'T LOOK AT BUCK.

So Buck wants to know if he's doing the right thing, Eddie is agreeing with him not because he agrees with him but because now he thinks that whatever he's doing is not helping so putting distance between them will be what's best because Buck is getting what he needs somewhere else so he needs to minimize the damage to himself.

And the distance thing is something that stays until the end of the season, because during the first half of 6B, they are together the whole time, mixed feelings being obviously the biggest example, but they made a point of highlighting the fact that they were very close outside the firehouse, just to stop. They were chilling at Buck's loft, they were out and about scheming the fire captain, Buck looked more comfortable at Eddie's than he did in his own place. But then we don't even see them together in the hospital after the bridge. Like, there's s p a c e now.

And I spent a really long time trying to figure out what was going on with this scene that made such an impression on me, and it's that Buck doesn't sound like someone who believes in what they're saying, he sounds like someone who's justifying themselves and hoping they are doing the right thing. And Eddie doesn't really let him get away with this line of thought, not usually, but he does now, so they leave that conversation with different impressions of how it went. Buck thinks he's right and Eddie is just backing the fuck off.

And a while back it downed on me what other scene this made me think of. And that's the fountain scene in merry ex-mas.

They are even shot in a similar way, the off-center wide angle, the close-up from a side angle where you can see the other one slightly blurry, the focus of the conversation angled toward the front of the frame, everything happening in an outside location we will never probably see again, the way they are not looking at each other. And the conversation is similar too, I mean, sure they are not talking about dying but it is a big decision in Eddie's life that sounds like Eddie is justifying himself and needs Buck to agree with him. And Buck is agreeing with him, and not talking about it even though we KNOW he has opinions because he kept trying to talk about it with Chimney because Buck doesn't think it's his place to have an opinion and offer it to Eddie. Both scenes sound like they are talking and understanding each other but what the scene is showing us is that they are not.

And something about the way they are pretty much never looking at each other is that it is a way to show they are not seeing eye to eye in a situation, the most extreme example I can think of it is when Eddie drags Buck out of bed in Kids Today because they are pretty much never looking at each other there.

But to have them face the same direction is a really easy way to make you feel like something is wrong, especially if they are not moving, because if they are standing in the same spot for 3 minutes they could've turned to face each other, but they don't, because the message here is that they are not really seeing each other. And that in a conversation where Buck is talking about being seen by someone else????? Like, come on, that's so on purpose.

I also wanna add a take that's not mine, all credit to @anxieteandbiscuits for putting this particular thought in my head with this post, that's basically about how the "dating someone you rescued? that never ends well" line might also be another justification for why Eddie chooses to stay quiet. Because one thing is true, and that is that buddie do be rescuing each other. And it really sounds like something Eddie would do, to justify to himself not doing something that could make him lose Buck any way he could, because romantic relationships are very unstable, no matter how much you want it to work, how much you love each other, there's a very real level of unpredictability in a romantic relationship that doesn't exist in their friendship. So to imagine him going "the friendship is good, the friendship is what I need, I won't do anything to change that because I don't have to and it probably wouldn't end well with our track record anyway" makes a lot of sense too.

If you made it to here, I love you <3

I have more metas here if you feel like reading more of my brand of insanity.

#this is long #i went off wow sokaoskaoksaoks #anyway #911 #911 meta #thoughts thoughts thoughts #lets pray this makes me stop thinking about the cemetery scene #it wont but a girl can dream lol #at this point i should have a cemetery tag lol #buddie thoughts

[lover-of-mine]

Okay, so, I've been avoiding talking about the couch thing but I really need to talk about the couch thing.

The main about the couch thing is that it exists on two levels, it is not something we decided that was there, it's something Buck talks about, we see him talking about it with Eddie, we know Maddie knows about it, it's something that's important to Buck and he says so. But, like everything else in any piece of media, it also exists at a meta-level. So we have things that Buck is telling us and we have things the show is putting on the screen outside of Buck's view of it.

With what Buck says in that conversation about the couch, we can backtrack the couch thing and apply it to season 2, with Ali helping Buck pick the loft and probably decorating it too. But me and my delusional juice want to take the couch thing back to Abby, so stay with me for a minute.

When Abby leaves, Buck stays at her place for a while, so technically speaking Abby also came with a couch, so 3 girlfriends, 3 couches, but he doesn't count Abby into the situation for whatever reason he might have, maybe he's just thinking about the loft. But the thing is, if you wanna apply symbolism to couches and Buck's bad history with them applied to relationships, talking Abby's couch is important because they're on Abby's couch when she tells him she's leaving and never comes back, so Buck's first big heartbreak started on a couch.

But sure, let's just count Ali, what conversation do Buck and Ali have on the couch? The one where she tells him she's not comfortable with his job, which pretty much translates to she's not comfortable with who he is, ultimately ending the relationship, so yet another L for team couch.

And adding Taylor in, we see them on the couch talking about Taylor's past, but that's on Ali's couch, Ali's couch already has its own break of trust, we see them "discuss" the couch situation when Taylor moves in, but the only time we see anyone on the couch Taylor brought in is when they are discussing Jonah. Surprise Surprise, the thing that ultimately breaks Buck and Taylor's relationship started on a couch.

Something else about these conversations that ultimately lead to the relationship falling apart is that they never start with both of them on the couch. With Abby, Buck is kneeling in front of her then he sits, with Ali he's sitting down, she's standing up then she's the one kneeling and with Taylor they spend the duration with her on the couch and him on the chair. Abby is in her couch, Ali's stays with Buck and Taylor takes her couch back.

So we retroactively get to add the couch into all of Buck's canon romantic relationships before we get to the couch thing being established in season 6.

I'm gonna use the layout of the loft on a meta-level here, so bear with me.

The couch thing starts in Buck's kitchen, with Chris making fun of him for not having a couch and him telling Eddie "my last 2 couches came with girlfriends" and "maybe I don't want to pick the wrong couch again" and this is happening on the show, so this bit exists on Buck's view of the couch. But I think it's important on a meta-level this conversation is happening in the kitchen while Buck cooks, one because food is a love language in the show and two because cooking is something that Buck enjoys, so the kitchen is his "safe place" in a way.

The next time we hear about the couch thing is after the lighting when his mother decides to buy him a couch. This conversation happens in the "living room" a place in the loft where we pretty much never see Buck alone in, and the only time we see him somewhat happy while he's alone in it is at the end of 6x01 when he moves the chair to where the couch is supposed to be. So the space where the couch goes it's for other people (maybe there's some extra symbolism here with the couch being constantly picked by someone else too). So his choice about the couch got taken away in a space that's for guests, but he's okay with it because Buck craves his parents' attention too much to not let it happen.

But now he's really uncomfortable with the couch he has (is funny that even Oliver said the couch was uncomfortable so like, it was an uncomfortable couch lol) we see him unable to get comfortable enough to fall asleep in it, we see the frustration in his face after he ends up on the couch when Kameron falls asleep in his bed. He's not happy with the couch but this is still about how Buck perceives the couch.

Then we have the couch getting ruined when Kameron gives birth on it. Something that I think it's interesting on a meta-level is that Buck's mother says the couch is for guests but until the birth, Buck is the only one using the couch and considering the way that we don't really get the living room as a place that Buck himself hangs around in, it's a choice even more considering he didn't pick the couch. Again.

I think from a meta and Buck's personality POV you can take the birth scene and peel it off and find a hundred layers, but there is something about the way they had the kid Buck chose to help someone else have being born on the couch the mother who had Buck to help someone picked. The couch is for guests, the living room is for guests, everything about that scene points to temporary in Buck's life.

Then we have the couch thing being "resolved" (quotation marks because I don't think it is resolved in all levels) with Buck deciding to ask Natalia to go buy a couch with him. From Buck's POV, the couch thing is solved, he's not afraid to pick a couch, he's getting a couch, he's getting a girlfriend (he should get a therapist instead but who am I to say anything).

BUT I wanna dissect the scene where he asks Natalia to buy the couch. Because here's the thing, we don't see Buck on his balcony often, but the balcony is his inner conflict location. He's there after Maddie and Chim leave and is trying to get Eddie to reassure him he did the right thing and he's there with Maddie after Taylor chooses her career over him trying to figure out if he got love wrong, so to have Natalia sitting outside is a choice. To have him not invite her back in is also a choice.

Because the couch thing started in the kitchen, a place Buck is extremely comfortable in and it could've also ended there. To have Natalia sitting by the counter or at the kitchen table while the cleaners did whatever and have him join her there, would be basically the same scene but it would have a different effect. To have him get to the door and pull her back inside would've had a different effect. Because she would've been in his space, not sitting outside of it. She's literally outside and while he's asking her to do something important for him with him, he's not bringing her inside. Literally. And all of this happening in his inner conflict location in the loft? It's a choice and it makes me wonder if that was really the end of the couch of it all.

Because, like, he was never all the way in with Ali or Taylor, they were always kept at arm's length, even with how long Buck and Taylor stay together, you can feel he's not all the way in, so it says something that the couch girlfriends he counts are the girlfriends he wasn't sure of.

And the way I typed all this out and still haven't brought up Eddie lol. I think it says something on a meta-level that Buck fell asleep instantly on Eddie's couch, like, they were doing something, BUT if the thing about the couch is about choice, Buck didn't pick Eddie's couch either. And I kinda think that should be a factor here too. Because if we wanna discuss the couch as a metaphor for relationships, we need to think about the way none of Buck's relationships start with Buck. He is never the one that takes the initiative. He never picked the couch. Abby gets his number, Ali calls him, Taylor sends him a drink, kisses him, and shows up at his door, and Natalia asks him out and shows up at his door, so if the thing here is the lack of choice or Buck being the one to choose the couch for a change they can't just put him in Eddie's couch and call it a day. It's deeper than that. Buck needs to choose himself and something for himself first.

#this is long #i went off wow sokaoskaoksaoks #anyway #911 #911 meta #thoughts thoughts thoughts #the couch theory #the fact that this is a featured tag lol