#i'll make everything better! everyone gets to be happy but not in this SHITSTAIN universe

[mindshelter]

“you go blank inside” babygirl. you are dissociating

the abuse that hal suffered at martin jordan’s hands (and words) are. pretty indispensable to understanding hal’s time as a GL leading up to becoming parallax... hal became part of the corps pre-conditioned and primed for easy indoctrination. despite recognizing martin’s behaviour as abusive, and hoping to never become like him, compliance at one’s own expense was all hal knew. it was what felt safe, what felt familiar, and made up that last tendril of sanity—the universe couldn’t be that cruel, and a parent wouldn’t be so hateful for no reason. there must be something hal can fix—can compromise—to be accepted. if only hal could have given martin what he wanted, whatever that may have been. if, if, if. 

fealty won’t earn you happiness—only survival. 

when that illusion finally crumbles—when the realization that decades of loyalty to the corps and to the long-deceased father has reaped zero reward—so does the remainder of hal’s belief system. 

captions below: 

1. dc comics presents: green lantern (2004)

Willpower. Absolute concentration. Split second timing. Where does that come from?

Instead it’s all feed in more trim and if you’re still nose-down, put your feet in the stirrups and blow the canopy before you red out. You do what you do. You go blank inside.

2. back issue #80, on Green Lantern

Fearless people tend to be cocksure of their actions and tend not to question anything, including authority. I recall a number of John Broome[-written] stories where Hal was totally (and happily) subservient to the Guardians of the Universe. 

3. zero hour: crisis in time (1994) #0

I used to be the errand boy for the Guardians of the Universe. It was a thankless job. I knew that. I had never asked for anything. 

The one time I did, I was denied. It dawned on my just how unfair the universe really was…

4. green lantern (1990) #63

Your rules. Your rules kept me from any happiness. I served the corps more faithfully than anyone, and my loyalty got me nothing. 

5. dc comics presents: green lantern (2004)

Like what you learn at the end of someone’s arm. You learn to go blank. 

Like maybe things with him would change if could just give him what he wants. If you would just take it like a man. But nothing ever did change. He just kept calling you a loser. And if he ever had a warmer opinion, you never heard about it. You took that like a man, too. 

6. back issue #80, on Green Lantern

I always believe it is very hard for people to actually change their personalities. So the best Hal could do was reach a happy medium, intellectually realizing he should be feeling differently about a situation, but emotionally having trouble doing so.

7. dc comics presents: green lantern (2004)

I don’t think I can do this anymore. “Fearless.” It’s all a crock.

8. green lantern (1990) #50

9. dc comics presents: green lantern (2004)

You go blank inside. 

Maybe sometimes that’s all that stands between this thing on my finger and the hot green end of everything. 

#i have NO idea if this makes any sense at all but. yeah. hal's character arc makes me crazy actually #hal jordan #martin jordan #dc #green lantern #comic blogging #another day of pretending the parallax parasite retcon doesn't exist because this is infinitely more compelling #and a perfect conduit to provide commentary on anti-authoritarianism through characters like kyle #instead of. you know. the green lantern corps as space cops #anyway. yeah. hal is extremely traumatized and evidently got zero support for it for decades. tfw you're in your forties and #your inner child believes that there was something wrong with YOU and that if you just behaved RIGHT and became what your dad wanted #he wouldn't have hated your guts #resentment was already brewing but emerald twilight was really all about the realization that all that self-hatred and blame #was being misdirected #and now it has nowhere to go except everywhere. it's spilling out. overflowing. the world is wrong and hal can fix it! #i'll make everything better! everyone gets to be happy but not in this SHITSTAIN universe #just you guys wait and see #you'll understand eventually. you all will. just like i did.