#i'm currently listening to a TF2 YTPMV and have it in the corner of my screen and my brain is just going ''ahh... the song of my people''

[steakout-05]

i think having TF2 as a special interest really early in my childhood influenced so many things about myself and my identity.... my gender is big men my sexuality is big men and my sense of humour is big men. i even named myself after the "very tiny and scrawny but still big" big man and i think about all the big men in TF2 on a semi daily basis,,,,,, anyway yeah i like the men in TF2 :)

#tf2 #this post is nigh incomprehensible #this is the true effects of autism...... having such a big special interest that it literally influences half of your entire sense of self #i think this is why i feel gender euphoria playing crusty old source games #like i literally feel so connected to TF2 it's crazy #i'm currently listening to a TF2 YTPMV and have it in the corner of my screen and my brain is just going ''ahh... the song of my people'' #i look at scout tf2 and i go ''he is just like me!!!'' #man's got adhd and likes being an asshole to the other team on the battlefield and if that isn't relatable i don't know what is #i also occasionally play as engineer and i always put my sentries in the most bitchy spots ever #like you're taking a stroll over to the point and you're like ''oop. level 3 sentry that i can't get rid of because the fucker behind it- #-won't stop helicopter parenting it. welp.'' that's my gendar #scout main to engineer main redemption arc to scout main villain arc because my sentries kept exploding pipeline #that made absolutely zero sense. #i usually play on training mode because i'm too shy to play on casual again yet and let me tell you #the amount of times i've yelled at the engineer bots because they just won't build a damn dispenser next to their sentries is insane #like maintaining a sentry would be SO MUCH EASIER if you just built a dispenser nearby. like. #when you play engie you start to not even worry about your health anymore because you're too concerned with your metallic kids to care #it's like ''oh i'm at 2 hp. wow. OH SHIT MY SENTRY GOT HIT ONCE AND LOST A SINGLE BAR OF HP I NEED TO HEAL HIM!!!!! MY SON!!!' #and you never end up dead somehow because dispenser #and when you do die it's like torture looking at the spectating cam and seeing your sentry get shot at and not being there to help it #it's like ''nooo... my son.... please i need to heal my son..... i can't bare to watch'' #i should invest in a wrangler.... hmmmm...... #anyway this post is... so autism! it's great we love to see it! #autism #i'm very tired yet feel very energised.... i'm having a neurodivergent moment hang on #spy sappin my executive functioning #my brain is literally just 3 scouts and 2 engineers doing do si do with 'erectin a river' blasting really loud at the moment #YIPPEEKIYAHIYAAAAAHYKIYO - my brain when special interest