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poisonous-honey · 3 months

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Soul Crushing Guilt

(This is a re-upload: Originally posted to UniverseUchu on December 2nd, 2022)

You've treated them all like toys. In your defence this was just another video game to you a couple of weeks ago, but they're actually real with thoughts and feelings of their own. You don't know how to feel.

Who’s Here! Venti

Contains: isekai reader, Self Aware Genshin (not the Cult SAGAU), Insecurities (reader), Hurt/Comfort I guess it’s called

Note: I will say this takes place in the middle of a story, but it works on its own and I really liked how this turned out. I do have more written, but it's incomprehensible (even after a whole year it's still incomprehensible lmao)

Sitting on the cliffside of Starsnatch is not where you intended to be at this time, but your soul crushing guilt and insecurities have led you here. You needed to be away from all the positivity from everyone in Mondstadt. Their kindness was only worsening your mood. Staring over the edge, lost deep inside your head, you almost miss the way the wind whirls around you before you hear the one person you wanted to avoid the most right now.

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Why’d you leave without saying anything? Everyone back at Mond is worried, you know.”

You don’t say anything in response and let Venti walk up and sit next to you. You both stay silent and watch the waves crash onto the beach. Venti occasionally takes glances in your direction, but for the most part his eyes are on the scenery. After a few minutes, he tries asking you again.

“I know you told us that we aren’t overwhelming you, but please, if we actually are-”

“That’s not the reason I left Venti.��

“Then what is it?”

Silence is all that greets him. “Please, we just want you to be comfortable with us. We can’t help if we don’t know.”

Hearing him say that only makes you feel more guilty. They’re all so nice to you, and for what? The pressure and the guilt keeps building and building the more you stay here. Everyone’s been so understanding and kind, but all you’ve done before is use them any which way. You’ve judged them for superficial reasons and have even gotten them killed on numerous occasions. Venti showing up and putting the blame on himself and the others like they’re the reason you left just adds onto your shame as tears start to escape your eyes.

Upon seeing your eyes water, Venti slightly panics. “W-Wait, why are you crying!? I’m sorry for whatever-”

“Venti please stop.”

You turn to look Venti in the eyes, and see the panic and worry etched onto his face. It only makes you feel worse.

“Venti… Why are you here? Why do you keep following me?’ You look away from him, trying to keep from balling on the spot. ‘Why are you so nice to me?”

Hearing this, Venti’s face slowly scrunches in confusion. “What do you mean? Of course, I’m going to be nice to you. Where is this coming from?”

“You were conscious the entire time I was playing. I used you all like you were dolls for my amusement. After I got you, didn’t you feel like I was holding you captive or-or like some sort of toy forced to do my bidding? I don’t understand why no one hates me! I feel so guilty of everything I’ve said and done, but everyone’s apologizing to me like they’re in the wrong, and I don’t get it! Especially you! As the God of Freedom, don’t you hate me for taking away your own freedom from you? I just don’t understand… So why…” Unable to continue, you look away as you try to wipe your eyes and wait for Venti to finally tell you he hates you. That he’s going to stop pretending and get up and leave you alone. In your mind you know he would never, that's not who he is, but fear and anxiety is irrational.

Your breath hitches as you feel his hands land on your cheeks and turn your head to look at him. Instead of the disgust or apathy your heart was expecting, Venti’s face is filled with sorrow.

“I can’t believe you would think so low of me.’ He looks downwards and wipes away a few tears with his thumbs before looking back at you with nothing but care. ‘I guess from your point of view that’s a reasonable assumption to make, but you seem to be forgetting one key detail.”

You stare at him as he proceeds to give you the smuggest look you’ve ever seen on him. “I came home extremely early on my banner, didn’t I?”

What he’s saying doesn’t make any sense to you. He’s already treating you extremely differently than you anticipated, and now his question is putting your already malfunctioning brain into overdrive. What did his banner have to do with anything?

“What? Venti I-I don’t understand. What are you trying to…’ Finally, it all starts to click into place as your eyes widen, and his stupid grin gets larger. ‘You… Did you influence the banner wishes???”

Venti laughs joyously as he lets go of your face. His eyes sparkle like he’s recounting the best moment of his life.

“Why yes, I did! I actually got in a lot of trouble for that! It's part of the reason you lost the next 50/50, but I couldn’t miss the chance to join your team. I refused to wait another second.”

“But why? I still don’t under-”

“I have the freedom to make my own choices, do I not? I wanted to join your team, so I did.”

His expression changes from smug to such a soft look. You have a hard time believing it is being directed at you.

“Why, yes, I may be the God of Freedom, but I’m also simply one of the many characters this game has to offer. I’m one of your many characters in particular. And out of such a colourful cast of individuals, I was your favourite. To be the reason someone even downloaded our game in the first place sends me over the moon. For everyone else, you still give their lives a purpose and have earned everyone’s respect. Sure, you might be a bit crass, but even when you were rude or made a mistake, you still treated everyone with more care than necessary. I especially could feel and hear the level of adoration you had for me through the screen. To me, there’s nothing I want more than to travel by your side for as long as you’ll have me.”

Such a heartwarming and earnest speech from Venti has your eyes start to water again. Not all of your insecurities and guilt have been lifted, you don’t think that kind of guilt will be something you can get rid of, but with Venti here…

“You’re allowed to stay for as long as you want.”

He cups your cheeks again while looking straight into your eyes.

“Then till death do we part, my dear player.”

You break down and cry as Venti pulls you in for a hug. With Venti by your side, you know he’ll help you through your guilt with as much care and love as you’ve given him.

#sagau #self aware genshin #Venti x reader #Genshin x reader #x reader #self-indulgence ftw baby #I don’t know if I’m going to post more of this #If I am I’ll make a header to organize just a little bit #I really love what I have #but I’d need to heavily edit it because what I actually have written down is nigh incomprehensible #Pois.Posts #Pois.Writes

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rotisseries · 10 months

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chapters 51 and 58 of bloodmarked are absolutely CARRYING bree/nick/selwyn polyamory truthers

#selwyn is kind of a stupid name I realized as I was typing this. like I've gotten used to it over 2 books but it's so silly. selwyn #anyway. me disappearing for days and only showing up for like 30 minutes to reblog 3 things #and make a nigh incomprehensible post letting you guys know what book I'm reading now (read. I finished it yesterday actually.#now I'm rereading legendborn bc I'm apparently not ready to move on to a new book and also I forgot most of the shit from that book)#anyway I've been on the polyamory train for these 3 since I read legendborn in 2020 but I swear it's only gotten stronger #like what do you MEAN selwyn (magically oathed to protect nick) FEELS SAFER with nick around #THE SAME WAY BREE DOES. AND BOTH SELWYN AND NICK LIKE. AGREE ON HOW MUCH THEY LOVE BREE. AND THERE'S NO WEIRD JEALOUSY ABOUT IT #AND SELWYN CANONICALLY WAS AT ONE POINT IN LOVE WITH NICK????#AND NICK LITERALLY SAYS TO SEL “I CAN'T LOSE YOU AND I WON'T LOSE HER”????#LIKE?????#THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS YOUR STANDARD ASS LOVE TRIANGLE IT'S GOTTA BE AT LEAST A LITTLE POLYAMORUS #IF NOT A FULL TRIANGLE BREE SHOULD AT *LEAST* GET 2 BOYFRIENDS. SHE DESERVES IT #even if it does end up a standard love triangle though this is honestly a genuinely good one #like I genuinely like both love interests neither of them are weird or annoying or creepy about her #anyway. need book 3 out as soon as possible I swear to god I almost can't see how this ends in monogamy #I'm talking about the legendborn series by tracy deonn btw everyone #another arthurian inspired book series which if you saw my other post the other day I swear this isn't intentional #legendborn #bloodmarked #the legendborn cycle #tracy deonn #bree matthews #nick davis #selwyn kane

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crabs-but-better · 2 months

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but seriously everyone else in this fucking school is shitting their pants thinking about getting old whereas me I’m driving straight off that fucking cliff like whoooeey gimme that fuckin dilf juice baby it’s over for yall once i get on T ya hear?

#posts from midnight #this is nigh incomprehensible

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minecraftrelatedrandomness · 2 years

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Dream, I only have a few moments, so please, grant me this respite. (kills Dream in one hit) DREAM! THIS IS THE END FOR YOU! (kills Dream in one hit again) DREAM! (kills Dream in one hit for the third time) I WILL NEVER—NEVER—TAKE WHAT YOU DID! (dives down the water hole after Dream and kills him again) YOU. ARE SCUM. (kills Dream in one hit as he falls from his respawn point above the hole) YOU ARE SCUM BENEATH MY FOOT. I WILL DO THIS- (kills Dream again) FOR THE REST OF YOUR SENTENCE. YOU WILL NEVER SEE THE END OF THIS. (looking genuinely anguished) YOU BASTARD!!!!!

— c!Wilbur in his revenge fantasy, Dream SMP

#wilbur soot #dream smp #dream smp spoilers #my post #8 june 2022 #[the post may not be 100% correct bc i took half the quotes from an art post]#[i also omitted cdrm's quotes from this bc he was nigh-incomprehensible thruout this. he screamed like a little girl at the end of this tho #tw death #/rp /dsmp #(also noncanonical)#aqua transcribes the dsmp

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crazyw3irdo · 1 year

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ngl goncharov is just penis smp for non-mcyt blogs

#goncharov #crazwaz posted #top ten posts that are nigh incomprehensible to a normal person

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transkenobis · 2 years

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finding love in the gasoline and matches factory

#this is nigh incomprehensible but its making me laugh so. post #matt speaks

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nemesis-is-my-middle-name · 6 days

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anyway. wol concept i am trying to decide whether to make two different chars or one. also whether or not to put them in my light party

#the nemesis speaks #swift plays ff14 #incomprehensible ass post #anyway i just finished the myths of the realm and. my wol's patron was azeyma bc i didn't know fuck or shit about the 12 when i made her #but the idea of a wol with oshcon as a patron... in that questline... ough.... waugh...#but then ive also had Thoughts abt the relationship of eorzea w/ the wol vs. how primals are depicted for A While #and obvi the twelve only add to that. with their ''driven but altered by belief''#primals are formed of faith and aether—beings of incredible nigh-godlike power—but YOU #there's so much faith and hope and duty- entire civilizations- on your shoulders. almost suffocating. your strength is legendary #yet to your enemies you are monstrous. you're not even eorzea's champion so much as its WEAPON.#go where they point. kill when they say. in later arcs the scions try to right this but you still fight the endsinger alone don't you #(well. mostly alone. god i have a whole second essay in my head about that battle)#you get it anyway. the wol is very nearly eorzea's primal.#so anyway. wol who dies at some point in the game but bc of their reputation almost immediately reforms as a primal #and now has to deal with that. with being the thing they've sworn to kill AND with being an object of public faith rather than a person #slowly becoming less and less like the person they used to be and more and more a mirror of what others think #''how do they perpetuate themself tho'' eating other primals. obvi #and then they don't even really need to temper anyone bc they already have the faith of so many without having to manipulate them for it #ANYWAY. these tags are stupid long. im stopping

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into-the-clintoris · 2 years

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Started listening to Brother by Madds Buckley and now suddenly I want to make a fan song laced in so much metaphor that it's unrecognizable but also so raw and powerful that it speaks to something buried in your heart but once you know what it's actually about you're like wow I truly Understand this song now and it's literally so beautiful and haunting and I want to make this song for TAZ Balance. For a group of three shitheads who named themselves Tres Horny Boys on a self proclaimed ding - dong podcast.

#toby talks #the adventure zone #taz #posts that are nigh incomprehensible to everyone but op and a few select niche individuals #so much context required

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thatdeadaquarius · 9 months

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That language SAGAU but the Reader can only communicate writing on paper.

Either the Reader is mute and they (characters) don't know/understand sign language or they somehow lost their voices on their transmigration to Teyvat and can only write now. But the characters are left trying to decipher what the Reader wrote.

Examples:

Kaeya: "I may say, that was very unexpected your grace. One such as yourself should be more aware of who you are."

Reader: "wat, y u sayin dat?"

Gorou: "Oh, your grace! Careful now. I am most certain that you stepped on something unsightly right now. Let me clean your feet, your grace."

Reader: "r u srs rn? Fml"

Ooooo, this is nice, this is niiccceeee /ref

this would be the energy⬇️

Man I love this show, I gotta finish it (it’s Komi Can’t Communicate for those who want to see it) where she basically is too shy/introverted to speak (non-verbal neurospicy it seems like to me actually lol) and really wants to make friends and do normal things despite not speaking, her main way of communicating is writing (and her first guy friend who can just read her facial/body language really well lmao)!!

☆

Sun: Gender Neutral Reader (they/them)

Planet: Headcanons-ish?

Stars: dashes/mention of most characters

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Reader/”you” are mute/lost their voice, & Trigger Warnings: None Known.

☆

This kinda falls into that post I made abt texting lingo, abt us being nigh incomprehensible when using texting lang. (its basically a code lol)

but i think it’s always neat to see nonverbal rep so here we are (also i think imma go ahead and say it is both selectively mute but also enforced by video game laws!)

u know a good explanation would be for this is actually abt how we technically are only allowed to freely communicate when we’re in chats,

so I could see that still being the only way we can commnicate in Teyvat (look am i little excited abt taking “video game world” a little too literally in every genshin AU ever- maybe.)

tbh i could see so many allogenes having to either learn to make room for you in convos and u also having to get wayyy more expressive in body language/facial expressions

tbh i think itd be pretty easy to get ur meaning, like in a battle or smth fast-paced where u couldnt write, like how Tinker Bell can?

if u dont know what i mean just search “tinkerbell scenes peter pan” on youtube and u can see ppl just having a full conversation with no words with her, which i think would deffo happen with ppl like Kaeya, Lisa, Lumine, Venti, Heizou, Ayato, Yae Miko, Thoma, Beidou and Itto surprisingly i could see it (ppl in the distance just think theyre all talking to themselves sometimes when ur not as visible hehe)

OMG they get u nice gifts for writing all the time, like the newest compact pens from Fontaine, the finest small, medium, and large notebooks from Inazuma,

like a little compact pocketbook so u can easily fit it in pockets!

u know Im absolutely sure you could literally start the texting appreviation trend in Tevyat like this-

like just so it’s easier to communicate with you, a lot of people are willing to adapt/take on abbreviations like “ttyl, gtg, wth, lol, lmao” even stuff like “etc”

lol u start a whole trend in the writing letters business, hehe silly medieval Teyvat is silly and medieval

yknow I think the quieter vision users would definitely find you to be peaceful to be around and easy to understand just with writing (also deffo most likely to adore the soft moments together of just ur pen scribbling and the sounds of nature or a cafe or something around them),

tbh i also think these ppl would be motivated to talk to you alone, or get you away to just talk the two of you for all the reasons above, like Xiao, Aether, Kazuha, Ayaka, Chongyun, Zhongli, Diluc, Sayu, Ei, Sucrose, Eula, Ganyu, Ningguang, Tighnari, Alhaitham omg he might literally be able to take his headphones off around u bc youd be in such quiet spaces all the time, and bc u dont talk he doesn’t have to worry abt u getting loud either lmao

…and then ofc, there’s the bitches that try and guess what ur writing ahead of timeeee 😭

bein all like, “Uh… you.. would like.. to go to… a restaurant… to get some- OH OH I got this one this time! Some pita pockets! …Oh. A drink. Right. Sorry, again.”

definitely Itto, Cyno, Heizou, Xingqiu, Fischl, Amber, Collei, Dehya, Wanderer, Childe, Venti, Keqing (she just used to being fast ok), Kaveh lmao

☆

I hope my reply was a little fun!! THANK U FOR SENDING THIS I LOVE THIS SM!! Man it’s so hard to make you feel my appreciation for this idea thru the damn screen

like how do i send a virtual hug

ANYWAY, if you or anybody else had an idea for celebrating 1000 followers lmk bc i am STRUGGLING with this same issue for that,

like how to make u guys feel my love 😩 ❤️‍🔥

☆

Safe travels ignihideous,

💀♒

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonderss / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi

#genshin impact #sagau #genshin sagau #genshin isekai #my asks #genshin impact sagau #gender neutral reader #genshin impact imagines #genshin x reader #sagau x reader #idk my tags help #also pls if u got follower celebrate things for me to do lmk #genshin imagines

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pikahlua · 1 year

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Fine I’ll explain the joke

Send this post to anyone who needs it to understand why the Viz translation is actually really good.

I can’t believe this page is leading to the third time I’ve had to do this (first with the “Swiss cheese” thing and then with the “biggest grand slam/one closest to Izuku Midoriya” thing).

Let’s talk about the very intentionally bad slang and author’s footnotes for Camie in chapter 380.

Context: Camie is a gag character who speaks in gyaru slang. Her use of slang is so heavy that all the other characters often find her speech incomprehensible. The cringe slang is the gag. This gag is emphasized in chapter 380 by her speech being so incomprehensible that even the author writing her speech doesn’t quite understand her. He leaves notes in the margins explaining all her slang for the benefit of the audience, but with each note he gets progressively more confused about what she’s saying and ultimately gives up on the explanation. THAT’S THE JOKE.

For comparison purposes, here is the original Japanese scan and the Viz official translation. Note how both have footnotes in the margins.

Here is what she says in Japanese (katakana is represented as capital letters):

te yuu ka KAN’ICHI! ※1 ROOTO ※2 no RENMEN ※3 KOru ※4 toka chou SHAKOTAN ※5 da shi

If I were to translate this literally into English, first of all I wouldn’t be able to, because there aren’t literal translations of slang, but my best attempt would be:

I mean, close shave! ※1 A Rohto ※2 hottie ※3 passing away ※4 would be like a super shakotan ※5 or something

Note that I’ve got no good translation at all for “shakotan.” That’s because shakotan is a type of car that’s been modified to ride low to the ground. It’s from bousouzoku subculture and seems to be popular in the yankii subculture too. I’m not gonna act like I know what the hell I’m talking about with this slang. The best I had when I did my initial translation of the chapter was “low-rider,” but it’s really not the same thing at all; Shakotan has more to do with drag racing and such.

But even if I had a good translation for shakotan, the rest of the sentence is nigh incomprehensible given how much of it is slang. Here are the footnotes Horikoshi left translated into English:

※1 Abbreviation for “a hair’s breadth.” ※2 Rohto Pharmaceutical. Eye drops. Good for the eyes. It means “eye-pleasing.” ※3 A romantically desirable man ※4 Belated (deceased). It means “to pass away.” Probably. ※5 When a vehicle’s height is lowered. Dunno.

Yes, Horikoshi literally wrote “probably” and “dunno” in there. That’s the joke. The footnotes are part of the joke.

So I think (but have absolutely no confidence in saying) the message she’s trying to convey is that letting a sexy dude like Hawks die would be like taking a perfectly good car and cutting it down into a super super low car. Maybe. (I’m honestly just as confused as Horikoshi on this one.)

This means that in order to preserve and translate the joke into English, the translator had to find a balance between relevant English slang that is incomprehensible but also just comprehensible enough for the audience to get what’s going on--oh, and slang that also works with the joke continued in the original footnotes.

I feel really proud of my “close shave” translation for slang that comes from “a hair’s breadth,” but another translator could easily decide that “close shave” isn’t slangy enough or isn’t incomprehensible enough. Rohto is a hard one to translate by itself, but the renmen word (short for ren’ai ikemen) easily refers to a sexy man, so “hottie” is one of the better translation options by far (sorry, but “twink” doesn’t mean what some of y’all think it means--it’s a bad translation here). The slang for “passing away” is a difficult one and the one I was most interested in seeing how the translator would handle. We don’t have many words in English that are slang for dying but maintain a tone of respect like you’re sad or don’t want the person to die. In my opinion, “unalive” is a pretty good attempt.

But then the translator also needed some slang that he could maintain Horikoshi’s jokes for footnotes #4 and #5, namely his “probably” and “dunno.” There was no way shakotan would make the cut. The translator chose “fetch” and “no cap” as the solution. They’re cringey enough slang that walk the line between incomprehensible and just comprehensible enough AND allow for a literal description in the footnote to joke about how the writer just gave up on understanding. Maybe you think you could come up with better slang the translator could use, but remember one does have to consider the entire reading audience and what slang they’ll be able to understand. All in all, the translator did the best they could in these circumstances. Whether or not a joke like this would land very well in English versus in Japanese isn’t really the point, as the translator’s job is just to translate the joke that’s there. What’s funny in another culture isn’t always funny in your own.

That said, I love me some meta jokes, so I did enjoy this one.

#my hero academia leak translations #my hero academia manga spoilers #final showdown spoilers #camie utsushimi #linguistics fun #all right kids do with this what you will

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lakesbian · 6 months

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ok interlude 1. everyone loves interlude 1. fun things happening in interlude 1 i.e. meeting danny hebert and meeting scion also.

you guys remember seeing that one tumblr post thats like. [in response to experiment where bees read a fake bee on a stick as a real bee] stupid bees. falling for a fake bee on a stick being a real bee. and then someone else is like. i bet eldritch beings are like that about us. stupid humans. falling for fake humans on a stick being real humans. you guys know that post? anyway that's what this interlude makes me think of.

“The golden man would reappear several more times in the coming months and years. At some point, he donned clothing. At first, a sheet worn over one shoulder and pinned at either side of the waist, then more conventional clothes. In 1999, he donned the white bodysuit he still wears today. For more than a decade, we have wondered, where did our golden man get these things? Who was he in contact with?

^ stupid humans. mistaking a fake human on a stick for a real human. i love the horror of this interlude in retrospect. people assuming he's miraculously curing cancer as the world's most heroic original parahuman when he's actually the nigh-incomprehensible alien that's the cause of the pandemic and was healing the cancerous person because they were a host for a parasitic part of the alien's own body that had been implanted in them.

“His pace increased, perhaps because he was still learning what he could do, perhaps because he was getting a greater sense of where he was needed. By the middle of the 1990s, he was traveling from crisis to crisis, flying faster than the speed of sound. In fifteen years, he has not rested.

this seeming to everyone else like him intentionally increasing the effectiveness of his heroics when he's just. life on a scale one cannot comprehend experiencing a mental health crisis It cannot comprehend. and oblivious to the fact that the coping mechanism he's trying is not fucking working.

“Just five years after Scion’s first appearance, the superheroes emerged from the cover of rumor and secrecy to show themselves to the public. Though the villains followed soon after, it was the heroes who shattered any illusions of the parahumans being divine figures. In 1989, attempting to quell a riot over a basketball game in Michigan, the superhero known to the public as Vikare stepped in, only to be clubbed over the head. He died not long after of a brain embolism. Later, he would be revealed to be Andrew Hawke. “The golden age of the parahumans was thus short lived. They were not the deific figures they had appeared to be. Parahumans were, after all, people with powers, and people are flawed at their core. Government agencies took a firmer hand, and state-”

i love the implication that because scion was so obviously. Not Fucking Normal. people assumed the first parahumans to show themselves were also on some level deific or Above humanity. and eventually people did realize. oh these are just regular guys but with powers. leaving the mystery of why scion is Like That just kind of up in the air. you think that's ever uncomfortable for people? like it's normal, it's default, but if anyone ever thinks about it too hard while they're bored....it's weird, man.

anyway onto mr daniel hebert. i think it's really notable that his introduction is him watching tv about parahumans, then shutting it off and getting up to pace with this line being given:

It was three fifteen in the morning, and his daughter Taylor was not in her bedroom.

but then despite how this is Immediately preceded by a talk about how actually, capes are just normal guys, there's a conspicuously absent lack of danny...connecting that thought to taylor being out late. and, like, i explicitly do not think this is a flaw of danny at this point--there's no reason anyone would leap to assuming THEIR teenage family member that is just a normal person is secretly a cape bc they were out late once. but the juxtaposition btwn the tv program abt capes and his "huh. anyways" reaction is very much There and i think you can 100% view it as a start to a pattern of behavior he'll have where all common sense should lead him to taylor being a cape (just fucking. out adn about thriving post-leviathan randomly knowing shit about the s9 out there living an obvious double-life!) but he's just Completely Not Even Thinking About It. which is the same thing as the shit he does in this first interlude:

Danny thought about clearing his throat to let her know he was awake and available should she knock on his door, but decided against it. He was being cowardly, he thought, as if his clearing of his throat would give reality to his fears.

He was stopped by the smell of jam and toast. She had made a late night snack. It filled him with relief. He couldn’t imagine his daughter, after being mugged, tormented or humiliated, coming home to have toast with jam as a snack. Taylor was okay, or at least, okay enough to be left alone.

he keeps getting up in his own head where hes like. oh nooo i know shes being bullied but i cant do anything about it yelling at the school didnt work and i cant move her to arcadia. while being completely emotionally disengaged from taylor and also somehow managing to convince himself that they have some sort of trust/understanding from him Not Acknowledging It At All so its basically fine. he Genuinely believes that clearing his throat would magically inform her that hes awake and available if she wants to ask for help (as opposed to giving her a heart attack over being caught??) but can't even do that because he doesn't want to actually take the problems from like. a hypothetical he gets mad about in his head into a real life material thing hes supposed to support her thru. if he doesn't see it it can't hurt him. he's processing everything thru "well i guess shes okay enough to be left alone" while just wildly oblivious to the amount of pain shes in and he has genuinely convinced himself that he's doing the best thing of giving her the Dignity of suffering alone or whatever. convinced he's available to talk to and expecting her to come talk to him and increasingly mad she's not but not actually very obviously available to talk to. and it eventually boils over into taking away her autonomy to attempt Forcing her into talking! he has no conception of anything that isnt sitting there expecting her to do the work of emotional connection or going "you will emotionally connect with me. now. or else." this is just kind of a ramble because this will not be fun for me if i cleanly edit every single post into a masterpiece but im enjoying poasting my thoughts on a second go around hopefully theres something coherent i can crystallize

#wormtime 2 #wormtime 2 arc 1 #worm spoilers #scarf don't look #parahumans

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rotisseries · 5 months

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i think maybe the worst thing in the world is when there's a popular fandom wide au that you absolutely cannot stand

#cause then it's like. inescapable. and you go to follow a blog and then you see that stupid au is all over their blog and-#and ok this post is about l!nked universe so its a nightmare when I'll see some gorgeous zelink art #but the caption says some shit about “wild and flora!” like great you've now made this post nigh incomprehensible #to people who don't care about that. my mutuals don't know those bitches. wild and flora. who the fuck are those people. shut the fuck up

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ranticore · 17 days

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Chapter 3 - To Be Phocid [Qedivar's research]

It's that time again. Ishmael is a teenage boy, fair warning.

I'm posting this on mobile so I cba linking the previous chapters but go into the siren tag to find them.

Following these events, and at Maris’s insistence, Ishmael began to keep a journal. To the delight of this author, his writing was deep, introspective, and highly detailed. From now on, I no longer had to rely on pieced together scraps and reports, but from a primary source. As such, the way these events are related will shift a little, but that is only for events concerning Ishmael.

Cherta, unfortunately, did not keep a journal at this time and remains frustratingly opaque, given Ishmael’s somewhat biased recounting of their activities. Although one must concede to the difficulties of keeping a journal underwater, before the age of sub-aquatic writing systems, and with eighteen other overambitious adolescents in relatively close proximity.

Ishmael’s journal was recorded on a computerified device and was not written by hand, though his deep dream education had serviced to educate him in handwriting skills. This was tested when he was younger, as part of an evaluation to determine the extent of his dexterity. Although the notion of a form of writing which is stored in a purely hypothetical space is very odd, especially in its permanency, it has enabled us to access his thoughts at this day and age, whereas traditional aquatic knot-writing would have long since rotted away.

He wrote in the language of the Predecessors, which I believe to be the root of all air-speaking language families. The translation of these texts is what has taxed me more than any other part of this process, aside from the grievous bodily harm, and it has taken a fantastic span of time to achieve this translation. I cannot credit my sources for fear of implicating them but you can be assured that the finest minds of the Spire collaborated on this project. This Predecessor tongue is what is spoken in all of the videos, enabling me to learn it to a conversational level, though I am hardly fluent.

Some of the journal is rendered untranslatable due to it referring to objects or concepts which were considered common knowledge at the time, requiring no additional definition. These concepts or objects will be clearly marked. However, I believe much of the text to be familiar to many people, telling of the frustration and longing common and recognisable today. That said, I believe it is also important not to take for granted the relatability.

Ishmael is not always familiar to us and existed in a time we would find nigh incomprehensible. Do not take this as reason to doubt his interiority or personhood, and do not fall into the trap of believing that you would have done better in his place, that you would have seen clearly what he obviously did not (and had good reason not to). They may have been phocids, or the predecessors of phocids, but they were new. If you were the first of your kind, could you do better?

I will now present the text in chronological order, starting from the eve of his sixteenth birthday:

Entry 1 – I hate seeing that baby siphonid. It’s still moving. It drags itself around on the leg the researchers didn’t take. Now I’m just going to remember this forever, since I wrote it down. Great. I hate that fucking noise. Why can’t they just get it to shut up?

Thank [deity]. They took it away.

Update – it didn’t even taste good.

Entry 2 - Maris told me to talk more about my feelings. What does she know? Nobody understands me anyway. I don’t think they can feel all that on their face like me. The sipho noise kept touching me. The researchers are always talking about hydrofoils and antennae but I bet they don’t know what I do - how the siphos talk to each other. I told Callum and he didn’t know what I meant, even though he has a beard.

Talked to Lee again about sex since Dan said he wouldn’t tell me himself. I don’t think Lee told the truth about a lot of that stuff. The other kids sometimes joke around a bit too much, but it is kinda funny I guess.

Update - Dan shouted at me for asking, but now I have proof Lee was wrong.

Entry 3 – The phocids click at each other underwater with their tongues.

Dan got so angry after I pulled my face hair out. He made the interns [untranslatable] search my room for the hairs and they actually found them. They didn’t even do anything with it, just put it in a bag and sealed it away. Looks like nobody wants it at all. Dan says Atom spent 120 billion nua making me, so I think one face hair is worth a few million. If I started selling them to the people outside the lab, I could buy my own stake of land on Siren just like them. I wouldn’t let Lee in. My fingers are probably worth a couple billion each.

Should I

Entry 4 – Emer (the intern) looked at me like I did something wrong when she changed my pillowcases.

Spilled bile EVERYWHERE when they were testing me. I keep thinking about somehow saving it and trying to sell it. I’m supposed to be a digestive model for Siren food, so my insides are probably worth a lot. I should ask Dan when he calms down.

Callum came around to talk to Dan again. He’s getting really tall, he’s taller than me now even when I stand up straight. He’s so skinny, like the baby siphonids (I can snap one in half with just my teeth now). When Callum was there, he didn’t want to look at me, but I get it. They didn’t even cook the siphonid this time, it was raw and with the shell on. His leg is the same width as one of them.

Emer won’t stop changing my pillowcases. Is there a way to prevent them from smelling like that?? Callum hasn’t been around so I can’t ask. Maris thinks it’s just because people my age start getting sweaty but Dan specifically told me he made me not have sweat glands anywhere but my hands. Then he said the phocids do have sweat glands. I still don’t get the point of sweating if you’re already a stupid wet rat who lives in the

Entry 5 – I’m seventeen now. Since I’m an adult, I decided to stop being reticent around the phocids. I want to know if they found a comfortable way to walk without the skin coming off their tails. So I went to talk to them today for the first time. There is a window where you can do it, they let it open ever since the climate control got busted again last month.

Cherta is really weird. I knew they couldn’t stay in the pool for very long because they might have a seizure but apparently it can happen any time, not just underwater. They have a button implant that makes their muscles relax. Anyway, their tails have thicker skin than mine so that was useless. But it is still worthwhile, I think, to meet with the phocids. They remind me why I am a human, and they are not. I kind of pity them because all they're ever going to be is a bunch of test subjects in a tiny swimming pool.

Cherta told me that one of the phocids died a year ago. I don’t remember Dan ever talking about it to me, but they said it was a big deal. Apparently they got pressure sickness when climate control broke the first time. I think Cherta broke it the second time, they sounded too proud to mention it. I don’t get it. Anyway, breaking stuff in the lab is against the rules and I think I’m going to tell Dan about that.

Entry 6 – I made the right choice. Cherta got so angry when they found out I told on them that they had another seizure. The other phocids had to pull them out of the pool. Dan thought I did the right thing but I don’t think he liked me going to tell Cherta about it afterwards, told me no one likes a snitch. Well, then, what am I supposed to do? Just let it happen? I hope Cherta chokes on that gross pool water next time.

Dan suggested I go do something other than visit the phocids and I agree, they’re clearly not worth my time. I went to see Callum instead but he wasn’t in. He has a games console, I saw him show it off to Lee the other day. I wonder if he’d let me try it.

[End of Journal Entries]

It paints an interesting picture. As Ishmael mentions, Cherta suffered permanent neurological issues as a result of their birth mishaps. This was a point of contention within the lab, beyond Ishmael’s knowledge; the finance manager of the settlement questioned the wisdom of keeping a test subject in an aquatic locomotion study group who could not spend much time underwater. Every time, however, Dan Loris would respond that Cherta now provided essential information about phocid neurology and drowning mechanisms.

The phocid whose death Ishmael mentions was number seventeen, Ambla. It is highly likely that number seventeen’s death was accidental, but the circumstances were not caused by a failure of the lab’s climate system.

I have found the experimental notes from that day; Ambla was brought to an isolated chamber which was controlled by the climate system, with its own test pool, and the quality of the atmosphere was changed to match that of the Precursor home planet. The force of gravity was thus increased. What the Humans did not expect was Ambla’s sudden inability to swim to the surface. They inhaled water, which settled in their lungs and caused them to drown even after they had been pulled out of the pool.

Dan expressed grief in his notes, and surprise. He did not understand why such a thing would occur and blamed the climate system for somehow altering the test beyond his parameters. This is likely what led to Cherta’s misconception that the climate system had killed one of their friends, and their subsequent sabotage of the climate system every few months after that.

But any phocid or selkie reading this will intimately recognise the problem, and I believe the mystery of Ambla’s death may now be solved. The water taken to fill the pool was likely Tel!am’s Blood, a phenomenon all sea-faring people will know about. The Precursors, it seemed, were unfamiliar with it, and had pumped water in to the pool which nobody could swim in. But with the increased gravity, even the fittest phocid would struggle to rise in shallow water.

Regardless, there exists a substantial gap between that last journal entry and the next. Almost a year, in fact, when Ishmael did not write at all, and neither did he participate in Maris’s therapy sessions. I do, however, have a copy of Callum’s journal with me which provides at least half of the narrative, incomplete as it is.

#setting: siren

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