#ice itsiffysworld

[iffyswriting]

ICE 2

With my forehead pressed against the wheel of my car, I took three big inhales each one for different unrelenting stresses.

Unwinding after my day made it easier to deal with going inside. Swiping up my phone I checked the time, knowing Daddy was probably waiting up for me.

11:12.

Getting to all my courage, I finally got out of my car and went inside my home, my father being exactly where I expected.

"Where you been?" He asked looking just as worn as me, his body limp in his big green reclining chair.

"I told you, I had practice. " I replied tiredly, dropping my keys into their porcelain pot.

"Janelle-"

"I already know what you're going to say and my legs hurt. Can talk in the morning?" He stared momentarily before waving me off, making my shoulders slump in relief. Walking towards the stairs, he cleared his throat making me turn around.

"You not gon' tell me good night?" Rolling my eyes with a tiny smile, I walked back over and placed a kiss to his cheek telling him I loved him. I walked down the stairs to the basement taking in my space.

Bouncing onto my bed I slid off my shoes my feet aching horribly. I  checked out the heels of my feet sighing at the bruises that lined them. Red and purple, red and purple as usual. I unscrewed the top off of my Vapo rub and swiped it onto my soles, letting it soothe my pain.

Flipping out my phone, I scrolled through it, pulling up some music for me to listen too.

SZA softly poured out of my speaker, Broken Clock's hypnotic beat floating into my ears as I laid down fully, curling up in my covers.I turned my music up a bit, letting it relax me further. I was so sleepy but my eyes wouldn't shut as I looked up at my ceiling tracing shapes with my eyes into my popcorn ceiling.

❄

"I have to be in this next competition," I told my coach, Simone. We either practiced early in the morning or late in the afternoon, to combat with both our schedules.

"What competition?"

"The one at the end of this month," I said in a duh tone. "I know you know about it. "

"And you know I'm going to be in it." She stood still before speaking.

"Do you think you're ready for it?"

"Of course I do!"

"Janelle, they not only judge off of skill but presentation and-" She started off looking everywhere else but at me and I tightened my jaw, my blood beginning to pump faster.

"I can get enough money for a decent costume."

"Can you?"

"I don't pay you to fucking degrade me, Simone." I spoke angrily sitting down on the bench stretching the shoestrings of my skates, tying them up tight.

"You barely pay me at all." I scoffed, snatching my guards off keeping my eyes on the other side of the stands.

"Then quit." She sighed her eyes softening as she looked me over, sitting down next to me.

"You know you'll have to tighten up."

"I will!"

"So that triple axel will be together by then?"

"Yes."

Hours passed and everything stayed the same.

Even with all my trying, all my attempts-I kept falling.  Hitting that ice felt like I was hitting a knife and I was repeatedly getting up just to stab myself all over again.

After my seemingly 100th try, I skated back to the bleachers needing to sit down and breathe. I gripped my seat trying to force the lump in my throat all the way back down, biting back any tears that blurred my vision.

"And you think you're ready." She said smartly, making my stomach twist into more knots.

"I am!"

"But you can't get this crucial part of you're routine together and you wanna throw yourself into an even harder competition!"

"I can do it sometimes!"

"Sometimes isn't guaranteed!"

"It's enough for me to keep going!"

"You're supposed to believe in me!"

"I'll believe when you try harder."

"All I fucking do is try!"

"Okay, Janelle." She brushed her hair back from her forehead and I counted each wrinkle, trying to focus on something else other than my burning anger.

"I think we're done for the day."

"Simone."

"We'll try again tomorrow." She spoke, set in her words. I didn't want to stop her because, at this point, I needed some space away from her.

It's so fucking frustrating.

I keep failing and failing and failing, yet I'm always expected to get back on my feet unscathed and ready for more action. I'm not this resilient person I'm putting on to be and it's becoming harder and harder each day to pretend I am.

Why can't I get it right?

I sniffle softly, my throat becoming tighter and tighter as the minutes ticked on mocking me.

"You not getting on the ice, today, Icey?"

I look back at the deep soothing voice, matching it to a handsome face.

A really handsome face.

He was much taller than me and leaned against the railing of the steps, his hands stuffed into his jeans pockets. He was clearly freezing, goosebumps running up the side of his arm. I'd become used to the cold, so much it was like a second kind of blanket.

His skin was stark against all the white that surrounded us, a dark brown that reminded me of hot cocoa- the juxtaposition being a beautiful contrast.

"What'd you call me?"

"Icey. I don't know your name, so I just made up a lil something." He paused before licking his bottom lip. "Hope you don't mind."

"I don't. What was your question?"

"Are you not going to get on the ice today?"

"I'm not feeling it right now."

"Damn, I was hoping to watch you." He sounded genuinely disappointed and I was a little shook, starting to chew on my bottom lip.

"You watch me all the time?"

"Not all the time-"He said quickly, kind of flustered, "I just like the way you move and the sounds- I guess you do your thing or whatever." He finished off, studying my features sheepishly.

"I don't know if you're trying to be nice-"

"I'm being honest." Chuckling, I couldn't help but shake my head at him.

"Well, thank you for that. That's the first compliment I've heard about my skating in years."

"You can't be serious."

"I am."

"If I could get out there and fucking hurl myself across a block of ice every day, everyone would see it and everyone would be respectin' me and my talent."

"You're making it sound so insanely impossible."

"Not everyone can do it. " He paused again slickly starting to smirk. "Not everyone can do it the way you do."

"Stop hyping me up, stranger."

"Amir." He said quickly, his name becoming locked into my head.

"Stop hyping me up then, Amir."

"Well Stranger-"

"Janelle." I said making him let out a breathy laugh.

"Well, Janelle- I'd love it if you tried again."

"I don't know."

"I think your discrediting yourself too much. I know your coach yells at you about how you fuck up on this or mess up on that but- you still look breath-taking. Like a real-life figurine but with passion and grace."

I blinked unsure of what to say or how to feel.  Standing up straight, I leaned on the rail and gave him a small smile.

"Okay, I'll give it another go. Maybe your seeing something I don't."

I stretched to touch my toes then put my arms outward, my pose before I began.

Starting off slowly, I did an easy figure eight, looping in a circle.

I was in the air for a couple of seconds before landing on my feet, my arms in the air as I kept my balance. I couldn't dwell long in my excitement as I launched into a toe loop, spinning the exact way I should.

His straight white teeth were on display as I stood still finished with my performance. He clapped loudly, whistling too as my own grin grew wide on my face.

"I knew you could do it!" He yelled, His support making my heart thump harder in my chest as I bounced up and down in place.

"I don't know what you did but-"

"I didn't do anything that was all you!"

He gave me another thumbs up from the door and then turns on his heels leaving me alone in the great big space.

I didn't know what to think, or how to feel.

Well, I felt good- confident even.

I started to skate again doing the triple axel once more and I wish Simone was here to see it.

See that I could do it.

He made me think about why I loved skating so much, why I had to keep this dream alive.

When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time at my Grandma's house.

I didn't realize at the time it was because my father was unstable and he struggled to make things better for our little family.

At GiGi's house you could never expect but so many channels but on satellite, there was this one channel where figure skating was played regularly.

Little Janelle was captivated- it was the only thing that could keep me quiet because it was so beautiful and pristine. Princesses dancing on my screen, twirling on the ice in their gorgeous costumes and slicked up hair-dos.

None of these girls looked like me and I wanted to be one of them. I wanted to become someone

I expected my daddy to treat my dream as unrealistic but I didn't expect him to be as dismissive of it as he was.

When you're little you think that you can do anything and when you're supported in that, you keep aiming for stars beyond your reach.

My dad never had that philosophy. Aim for easy goals makes failure and heartache, not an option, so life goes smoother and you feel more settled.

I told him I wanted to be an Ice Skater and he told me I could clean the ice. I'd have an even better chance of working at the concessions.

You can only teach what you know, so I couldn't even be mad.

No matter what- I have to skate. I don't know if we've all got our destiny determined for us before we're born but I know that this one thing, I was always meant to do.

I know it's just a stupid sport but it's my passion and when you're so passionate about something you're willing to put your heart on the line consistently to see it through, you can't just abandon it when shit hits the fan.

Even when I fuck up, it's like I did it. I got a chance to fly even for seconds all on my own and when I come back down from my high still standing, it's a rush I refuse to let go of. When I succeed it only gives me more reassurance to keep going, never stop because there's a chance you're going to make it and people are going to know your name.

So no matter the circumstances, I gotta push as far as this skating shit will take me.

Because its the closet thing to a dream, I've ever wanted to be real.

@fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @chaneajoyyy @bakarilennox @domdollass

#ice skating #icefiction #ice itsiffysworld #Trevante Rhodes #black love #black people #fanfiction

[iffyswriting]

ICE 1 prt. 2

Note: Chile my bumass might as well finish this on Tumblr. 🥴

People say it's hard to be a good person and much easier to be a bad one. I'm inclined to find it true.

Looking from side to side I made my way towards my car and turned my music up louder, hoping it could drown out the thoughts beginning to cloud my mind. It didn't work, my brain always winning out when I started to think.

Trying to do something better with yourself and putting effort into turning a new leaf is like a double-sided coin, you don't get the perks or the praise you want right off the bat. Especially for just attempting.

When you've got no moral compass it's easier to be selfish and easy to deal out your own version of justice. Growing up I found that admirable and I modeled myself after that mindset. It's affected my mental health worse than expected and as I get older I realize I need to change.

If I want any chance at some peace of mind, I need as many changes I can get and do.

Every day I'm trying to do better and even then it doesn't seem like enough. I don't want to give up because you've got to take slow steps in any journey.

The cleansing of a conscious is a process and this new process is going to be long-winded.

I parked my car by the railroad tracks, looking over at the house my presence would disappear from. Many called it the trap but I'm calling it the past I rounded up a bag from the back and checked it's contents, sighing at all I was leaving behind me.

"Miro!" Quint called out to me, bringing attention to himself. I could see from the porch, his arms were outstretched a goofy-ass smile on his face.

"Are you fucking high?"

"Nah, but I plan too. Stick around long enough, I'll let you get a hit."

"Man getcha ass back in the house."

Walking through each room that looked just as unassuming on the inside as it did on the out. Careful planning and rearranging kept everything lowkey and mundane. If you're gonna deal drugs, don't have your product or evidence spread out everywhere.

People talk too much.

Walking into the back office, I stared at my life-long friend knowing that after this our friendship wouldn't be the same. It was something I was coming to accept.

"Kirk."

"Mir." He looked up from his numbers, his facial expression stoic."I expected a warmer welcome with you walking into my house and shit."

"This isn't a friendly visit. You know that."

"I feel like you been avoiding me- so I at least expect you to fake a cordial attitude." Kirk was always about how he felt and even if it wasn't true if he felt that way, then it was good enough truth for him.

"If I wanted to speak, we'd been have had a conversation." Placing the bag onto his desk, I stood back a bit watching as he opened it, gazing at its inside."I'm just tryna wrap up any more loose ends."

"Yeah, yeah whatever nigga."

"You always hostile anyway, Kirk." I joked, letting my guard down finally.

"Nah, I get mistaken for that because of the voice. I'm as peaceful as they come-" He joked back with a smirk, stacking his money together. He placed a band over it and threw it into a ziplock bag, to freeze later.

"Walk with me while we talk."  We went to a further backroom, and I looked at the boys he had under his belt working and getting his money together. He claimed it to be giving out opportunities but I saw it as sending out more toxicity.

Kirkland swiped at his nose, browsing over his workers."You got a plan after this?

"Always do."

"Didn't expect nothing less." Two were snickering about something, and I twitched at wanting to reprimand them. Wasn't my place anymore.

"I thought I fucking told yo ass to keep your eyes on those fucking numbers! You got ADD or something?! Can't focus on one thing!?"  He snapped at one of them, fear jutting out of them as they moved fast back to their original task.

"And you say you're peaceful." Kirk shook his head, rubbing the space between his eyes- stress underlying them.

"And then I said as they come." He took a brush out of his pocket and began to brush his hair distracting his brain.  "I'ma honestly miss your presence Mir."

"You keep shit in line- that's why I made you my right hand."

"I'm just organized. You can find another nigga just as good as me." I wove off, my decision was stagnant.

"We both know that's not true but that's okay because figuring shit out on my own is my specialty."

"If you'd listen you wouldn't have to figure out anything."

"Now, that's a lie." He said a ghost of a laugh coming out.

"At least won't have to figure out shit detrimental to your life."

"You know as much as I do this life only leads to two outcomes, Death or Jail." I started to rant, my blood pumping in my veins. "If we've got fucking brains then there is no reason for us to continue to do this stupid shit when we could be trying to make something of ourselves!"

"Don't come in here acting all high and mighty, when just a couple of months ago you were doing this same shit! You've never been a hypocrite don't start now."

"I ain't being a hypocrite-"

"Easy money is easy money." He spoke cutting me off. "And with the dirt you've got piled up around here, I ain't expect you to leave so early.  All the shit we had planned, mean nothing to you?"

"It means nothing to me now because it isn't the direction I want anymore." I pointed at him than myself. "I'm not getting any younger and neither are you."

"We aren't even business associates anymore, so this conversation is useless."

"Kirk."

"What the fuck, I just say!?" He responded his chest puffing up. I clenched my jaw and my fists, counting in my head to control my anger, I didn't come here to fight with him I came to finish everything.

"Fine."

"When shit gets tough, don't forget you always got a place back here."  He said ultimately, that look in his eyes all too familiar. He was persuasive and good with his words, but his charisma wouldn't keep me stuck in the quicksand. I refused to be pulled back in, no matter how bad shit gets.

"I won't be back. " I said sternly, looking him in his eye as he continued to smirk unfazed by my words.

"Sure." He became genuine holding out his hand for a dap. " Make sure you speak when you see me."

"I will ." Kirk was like a brother to me, the same way I view Quintin but if I have to choose between my soul and their brotherhood, my soul is sliding across the finish line easily. If I don't have my heart, then how am I gonna help them eventually?

"Gone so soon?" Quintin asked, sparking his lighter as he lit a blunt. His eyes were empty as he scanned his surroundings, searching for something I didn't see was there.

"Yeah, there's no more ties between us."

"That easy?"

"It never is but it's good enough for now."

"Tell Tilo, I said wassup."

"You can tell him yourself when you come by the house."

"Nah, gon' be too busy."  His eyes were hazed over now but still empty as he gave me a slick smile, his head falling back.

"You want  a hit?" I felt tempted but I still had more things to do.

"Next time I see you, remember this turn."

"I will." I dapped him up and walked towards my car. I placed a hand on my door, standing still in place. I can't turn back because it'd be like turning back on my mother. On all her dreams and wishes for me,  I can't keep living with myself if I do that.

I have to move forward and I have to do better. I gotta trust in my process because it's all I got to believe in.

@bakarilennox @domdollass @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @chaneajoyyy

#ice skating #icefiction #ice itsiffysworld #Trevante Rhodes #fanfiction #black love #black people

[iffyswriting]

Trevante Rhodes. Chevonne Spirine.

As As

Amir Tate. Janelle Winters.

"I gotta get back on that ice because at the end of the day it's gonna be there for me when you won't be."

Janelle Winters is an aspiring ice skater her dreams of Olympic success often tarnished by the people surrounding her.

Amir Tate is a lost soul trying to become a better person with each good deed, he tries to do.

When he watches her skate she brings him peace that he thought would never be possible.

When he uplifts her dream, she finds a inspiration she thought to be long gone.

Will the two be able to navigate their love through their separate attempts at redemption and new beginnings?

Coming Soon 2020

#trevante rhodes #icefiction #itsiffysworld #figure skating #ice skating #black love #ice itsiffysworld

[iffyswriting]

ICE: Chapter 1, prt. 1

𝔄𝔪𝔦𝔯

"How you expect me to drive you to work and you taking so long?"

I threw some grapes in my mouth watching as Tilo bounced around his room like a chicken with its head cut off.

My younger cousin didn't know how to organize or clean for shit and oftentimes you could spend hours waiting on him to find something. 

"I'm gonna find it in 5 seconds! I know I am!"

"If you listened to Auntie you'd keep your shit up and folded," I said loud enough for my Aunt Lydia to hear, Tilo's mouth twisting up in protest.

I'd been over her house so much lately it was almost like I was starting to live here.

"Don't get my mama started." He said under his breath, finally grabbing some shoes from up under his bed. 

"What was that you said? She fusses too much?" I went on, holding back my laugh as he flipped around to glare at me.

"Mir, chill! Once she starts you know she can't stop."

"This I do know." I wiped water from the grapes off on my pants, standing straighter. "You looking for anything else?"

"Nah."

"Good, haul ass to my car or you're gonna be late."

"I hope you know you're really my favorite cus."

"I know, I know." I said messing up his hair. "None of the others wanna deal with your aggy ass."

"I don't wanna deal with their aggy asses either."

I knew where Ice Land was because just like Roller World it was a popular spot for teenagers and the likes.

I never went in to both on my own terms. You could call me anti-social but when I was younger the crowds it'd attract would give me the worst feeling of claustrophobia and anxiety. 

Never grew out of those feelings.

I turned my car off, slipping my phone into my pocket opening my car door at the same time as T.

"You're coming in?"

"I was hoping to get sumn' free."

"I'll see what I can do." He said with an eye-roll, keeping the door open as I walked in behind him.

"It's always cold as shit in here." I shivered trying to rub warmth into my hands, giving the whole place a brief once over. I  noted how empty it was looking Sunday's were never the busiest.

"You expect it to be hot? A whole block of ice in a room." He scoffed sliding behind the counter. 

"Watch your ass not have a ride back home, tryna be smart."

"I'll be quiet." Tilo raised his hands in defense and I smirked before wandering away.

Putting my hands in my hoodie pockets,  I walked into the rink scanning to see exactly what I was looking for. Despite everyone else on that ice, she stood out like a diamond in the rough- practicing as always. 

In my head, I called her Icey because I didn't know her name. I wished to learn it but I wasn't about to get on the ice to ask.

She started at a leisure pace first picking up speed with each glide. Icey twirled herself backward being in the air for a moment barely landing on her feet, skidding across the ice to a screeching halt.

Raising a leg high in the air she spun in loops, twirling and twirling into a stop. She stood poised and still for seconds before finally breathing releasing any of the tension she was holding in, her shoulders slightly slumping.

I didn't realize how starstruck I was until I finally exhaled too, blinking. I wanted to see her start skating all over again, straight from the top. I loved seeing the way she moved on that ice, being so precise and poised. 

"I've told you about your landings! You need to be crisper." Her coach was harsh and strict, she never got much leniency.

"My mind is everywhere, I'm having trouble focusing."

"Pull your shit together because I don't have time to waste!" She drilled harder, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I understand that-"

"Then act like it." Icey kept her mouth drawn to a line, nodding in silent frustration.

I wanted to tell her how amazing she looked and fuck whatever ole girl was saying.  She looked like she knew what she was doing at all times and the determination in her eyes never deterred even when she fucked up.

I didn't watch her because I thought of her as this piece of meat to ogle at, she was more like those figurines in snow globes but in full real color.

So pretty and mesmerizing.

My phone started vibrating in my pocket and ignoring it was becoming harder to do.

"Hey, this is he."

"Big Mirc! Always sounding so formal!"

"Quintin? Did you change phone numbers because I didn't recognize you."

"I gotta stay off the grid, can't have the same phone for too long."

"I just think you're paranoid."

"You'd think that now of course, Miro."

"Stop with the nicknames, bruh." I said chuckling, scratching at my beard.

"Amir is bland, the nicknames give you the ole razzle dazzle."

Quintin was.....Quintin. We'd known each other since we were kids and he was that friend you could never shake.

He was goofy and loud

"Where you at?"

"Ice Land, off of 54th. I dropped off Tilo, and didn't realize I'd be here so long."

"Well, you already know who you need to be talking too."

"I was heading that way soon actually." Quintin became quiet, shuffling around as his breathing became more solemn, almost thoughtful.

"He isn't mad at you-"

"He claims that." I interrupted with a scoff causing him to suck his teeth.

"Let me finish, nigga." He grunted, continuing. "He isn't mad at you, he's mad at this choice. We all started this together and for you to just leave it all behind feels like abandonment."

"If he's mad at me wanting better than that sounds like his problem."

"You framing it to fit that."

"Seems like you're doing the exact same thing." I exhaled, letting all the tension leave my body. "Quint, we can talk more for real when I get there."

I pressed the end button trying to gather my thoughts together, my mind already starting to jump from place to place.  I glanced at Icey one last time, watching as she got up from the floor standing even stronger, I hope she stays standing. 

"Don't forget your drink!" Tilo called out to me and I nodded at him for looking out.

"I'm picking you up in 3 hours right?"

"Yeah."

"Better be ready."  I hit the counter before walking out into the warm air.

@chaneajoyyy @bakarilennox @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression

#ice itsiffysworld #icefiction #ice skating #figureskating #trevante rhodes