#idk ! i would honestly go to psych ward tomorrow if i could but unfortunately my mother is an issue lmao

[piplupod]

the brain better figure out a way to fix this shit real quick or idk what is going to happen honestly. i feel very sick

#counseling appt tomorrow (well today now lol.) and it is very hard for me to not ask to be put in psych ward #i would be free from spiders there. they would feed me meals. i would be given sleep meds #i would still be able to kill myself or hurt myself bc they're so shitty abt safeguarding things there but I'd at least have ppl around #i feel really sick and really awful #i just cannot stop having my heart pounding from anxiety and its been all day and I'm so tired #i dont want to do this anymore #i feel like im going to die from all this honestly even if i dont kill myself fjfkdl like this has to be taking a toll on the body #idk ! i would honestly go to psych ward tomorrow if i could but unfortunately my mother is an issue lmao #i hate that the ward feels like the safest place rn i hate that i dont have a safe home i hate this house I want out of here #im trapped and stuck and even if i filled out all the applications for everything possible tonight i would still be stuck here for weeks #at least weeks lmao its more likely months to even potentially like... 2+ years #and theres no way out !!!!! i dont know what to do. im very scared #sorry im just. really reaching the end of my rope and ik I've said that a lot lately but this isnt even pmdd rn #this is just me rn fjfldl no fucked up hormones at play #im very afraid and i feel very sick and i cannot sleep and i just feel like i want to go home and when i question myself on that- #-i think of the psych ward as the place i want to go and thats rly bad fjfldl thats rly rly bad that that is what my brain wants #okay I'll stop now sorry #i hope everyone else is doing okay fjfkdl i am glad ppl exist and live their lives and have ppl around them #it makes me very happy that other ppl are real and alive and are doing okay #idk . im tired. i hope i can sleep soon and i hope my heart stops acting up. i hope the holter monitor on thurs can get me help for this #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide tw