#i feel really sick and really awful

[piplupod]

the brain better figure out a way to fix this shit real quick or idk what is going to happen honestly. i feel very sick

#counseling appt tomorrow (well today now lol.) and it is very hard for me to not ask to be put in psych ward #i would be free from spiders there. they would feed me meals. i would be given sleep meds #i would still be able to kill myself or hurt myself bc they're so shitty abt safeguarding things there but I'd at least have ppl around #i feel really sick and really awful #i just cannot stop having my heart pounding from anxiety and its been all day and I'm so tired #i dont want to do this anymore #i feel like im going to die from all this honestly even if i dont kill myself fjfkdl like this has to be taking a toll on the body #idk ! i would honestly go to psych ward tomorrow if i could but unfortunately my mother is an issue lmao #i hate that the ward feels like the safest place rn i hate that i dont have a safe home i hate this house I want out of here #im trapped and stuck and even if i filled out all the applications for everything possible tonight i would still be stuck here for weeks #at least weeks lmao its more likely months to even potentially like... 2+ years #and theres no way out !!!!! i dont know what to do. im very scared #sorry im just. really reaching the end of my rope and ik I've said that a lot lately but this isnt even pmdd rn #this is just me rn fjfldl no fucked up hormones at play #im very afraid and i feel very sick and i cannot sleep and i just feel like i want to go home and when i question myself on that- #-i think of the psych ward as the place i want to go and thats rly bad fjfldl thats rly rly bad that that is what my brain wants #okay I'll stop now sorry #i hope everyone else is doing okay fjfkdl i am glad ppl exist and live their lives and have ppl around them #it makes me very happy that other ppl are real and alive and are doing okay #idk . im tired. i hope i can sleep soon and i hope my heart stops acting up. i hope the holter monitor on thurs can get me help for this #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #suicide tw

[wasyago]

so, would you?

nothing important under the cut, you don't need to look haha

#inspired by the random youtube short i saw about how these types of questions are not really about logic but about emotion and reassurance #doesn't matter if the question doesn't make sense. you say 'yes' because you love them no matter what. not because its a worm or a bug or #or anything. its a way of saying 'i will love you when you've changed and when you're different. because it's still *you*.' #idk something about it just felt so gentle and genuine. like a pure display of affection through a silly question... #and of course fnc was the first thing i thought about because i got brainworms #jrwi fish and chips #jrwi riptide #jrwi chip #gillion tidestrider #my art #sketch #also im back from a vacation! and i feel so awful i got sick the first day home and im sitting here at 6am drawing fishes and chips #the dialog feels a little ooc but i cant figure out if it really is or if its because my head hurts and i cant think #tbh it doesn't really matter.......... but it matters to me augh #ALSO yes the under the cut bit is about episode 109. i dont know if its clear or not

[wikiangela]

wip wednesday

tagged by @steadfastsaturnsrings @malewifediaz @buckaroosheart 💖💖

how did the "fluffy decorating christmas tree fic" turn into eddie being nostalgic about shannon? no idea lmao but I love it haha (also, lowkey a tease for alive shannon bc this hypothetical is what ends up happening there haha) this fic would've been done already if I didn't get sick bc now i'm barely awake at all times and just so fucking tired lol i should finish it next week at the latest tho! (if Eddie doesn't take over and make it super long again haha)

prev snippet

___

And Buck knows all that, because he knows Eddie so well, and Eddie- Eddie just loves him so much sometimes it gets overwhelming, just the sheer amount of love he has for this man, who’s currently looking at him with those gorgeous, understanding eyes. And he can’t do anything else but lean in and kiss his pretty pink lips.

“I know.” he whispers, smiling, blinking away tears. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Buck chuckles quietly. Then Eddie looks at Christopher again.

“It’s just hard sometimes, especially during the holidays. She should be here. With Chris.”

“She really should.” Buck wraps one hand around Eddie’s shoulders.

“I think she’d like you.” Eddie muses, leaning his head against Buck’s. “You guys would get along.” He really thinks so, and he also thinks that even if the accident didn’t happen and she didn’t die, he’d eventually give her the divorce she asked for, and inevitably date Buck anyway – he doesn’t think there’s any universe, any scenario, any path he’d take, where he and Buck don’t end up falling in love. If he believed in it, he’d say it’s fate or destiny or some shit like that. (Maybe he does believe, just in this one instance, but no one has to know).

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @911onabc @spagheddiediaz @housewifebuck @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @honestlydarkprincess @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @pirrusstuff @theotherbuckley @911-on-abc @wildlife4life @fortheloveofbuddie @nmcggg @diazpatcher @jesuisici33 @lover-of-mine @giddyupbuck @exhuastedpigeon @king-buckley @disasterbuckdiaz @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @hoodie-buck @spotsandsocks @jeeyuns @daffi-990 @callmenewbie @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @jamespearce9-1-1 @weewootruck @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks

#christmas tree fic #wip wednesday #fic snippet #buddie #buddie fic #buddie wip #wikiangela writes #my writing #i promise it's buddie and they're so soft and cute lol - and there will be tree decorating too! #i just think xmas especially would be a time eddie thinks about shannon a lot #and buck would be all understanding bc he knows how much eddie loved her #i really need to get back to alive shannon - haven't looked at the doc in like a month and i miss her haha #ive been sick way too many times this winter but this time it might be the worst i just feel so awful #not gonna make a cold stop my writing tho - just might take a minute longer haha

[koszmarnybudyn]

I think my weeb days really show in this one.

#dungeons and daddies #dndads #normal oak #link li wilson #hermie the unworthy #taylor swift dndads #scary marlow #scary marlowe #i really need to make more comics im not great at it yet #is it what link really said idk but it is what i noted #this is based on my doodle schetches btw #hermie wasn't there at first but i had an extra panel #i still have a cold rn so im glad i finally feel god enough to finish this #being sick is awful but it did make me finish a game and listen to a lot of a podcast #my art

[beevean]

Castlevania: Curse of Darkness

Legendary Belmont

#castlevania #castlevania music #curse of darkness #music of the day #i will never forget the sheer panic i felt when i managed to land a hit on trevor and i only took a sliver of his health #his second boss fight is also the one that gave me the most trouble along with dracula #which honestly makes perfect sense #his theme doesn't just say that trevor is a huge badass #it's *scary* #those are scary strings #hector is terrified of trevor and for good reason #you really do not want him as your enemy #you can *feel* the disproportionate difference in power #this is not trevor's theme this is the theme of the one who destroyed lord dracula and is coming after you now #also this is just a sick boss theme #one of my faves for sure #the choirs the synths the strings the bass and of course the guitar all come together for an awe-inspiring piece #and i love how even yamane gushes about trevor in the soundtest

[crabussy]

whoever sent sunny that cruel ask I really really hope you realise how much that hurts. as if we don't fucking go through enough living life with a disorder as stigmatised as this. only a few people in my life know that I have OSDD because it faces so much stigma. they make fucking horror movies where the killer has my disorder. I don't understand how someone can feel so much malice towards a stranger that they will not only send them an ask basically implying that they Don't Exist and are Pretend, but also take a jab at their identity too?? why are you so unkind? there was nothing forcing you to go out of your way to make a strangers day worse by telling them that they don't fucking exist. systems and fictives have been recognised by psychologists for years. I am recognised as a system by TWO professionals, including a psychiatrist. They both acknowledge sunny's existence because they are professionals in the field of psychology who actually know what they're talking about. you are expressing so much confidence with your ignorance it makes me feel sick. I've turned anons are off on sunny's blog, he's distraught. you disgust me. I am so glad I will never know you.

#I did not go through YEARS of therapy to unlearn my terror of faking my disorder just for some horrible person on the internet #to treat my system this way. you are awful. #rant #ableism #just tagging for the purpose of people who have those filtered #god. I feel sick to my stomach that was so nasty #for reference this person sent an anon ask to sunny pretending to be a roleplayer and pretending to think that sunny was a roleplay blog. #it was glaringly obvious the passive aggressive tone was seeping out of every letter. it was really awful to read I felt my heart drop #and not only that but they made fun of her fucking pronouns???? #I'll probably delete this later but god it sickens me. we are just trying to Live #thats what I get for being disordered I guess

[shima-draws]

Currently feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, hope you all are faring better than me lol

#Bro I was so. SO fucking sick last night #It was legitimately awful. Like there was a point where I thought ‘dying would be better than this’ #I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this sick #Emetophobia tw ahead— #But yeah I was throwing up like all night #And it was freezing inside the house so I was having like. MAJOR chills #I probably also had a fever at the time too fjdnndn #My body is so sore and achy it really does feel like I’ve been hit by a car #Just the combo of being in pain + being nauseous + having severe chills #And you know that feeling right before you throw up where you get the shivers so bad. IT WAS THE WORST. THE WORST!!!!! #I actually had to lie on my back for most of the night bc that helped curb the nausea a little #But ooough. The torture ladies and gents. #I still feel like shit but not nearly as bad as last night #Nausea’s gone now (thank GOD) #Hey do not get sick 0/10 do not recommend ever. #Shima speaks #Help I’m so achy and tired and sore and I just wanna sleep. My body will not let me tho 😭

[sunshades]

One thing about canto VI is like. I see so many people predicting it'll be about Fighting Evil Wife or Breaking Codependent Toxic Relationship and I just kinda think that would suck? If the major theme isn't grief AND love and the way both are seen as like Kinda Weird/inappropriate in the setting of the city. Then I'll be very sad.

#bell.txt #not putting it in the tag i dont wanna spam but yes limbus posting yes girls will be thinking about mortal regret #LIKE. LIKE. remember the discourse on twt about how like it was bad writing that yi sang didnt mourn dongbaek etc #and like that was the thing right. thsts not a thing you do in the city. that was part of why roland (who takes lots after wh's themes) #was so exceptional. that is the whole thing about the sickness of the city #to say it in comedia literary criticism terms: sins are split between wrongly-directed love and excess of love with sloth (lack of love) #being an outlier. i think heatho and generally og wh is about excess of love and not wrongly-directed love. it is the thing that lasts #all the way to the other side. it is the shared coffin and meeting again in the next life #i think itd be AWFULLY disappointing to get some boring boring 'they make each other worse' take. being APART due to societal pressures #makes them worse and horribly lonely. death makes them worse baby. so in my mind thats it #we get to see cathy die or still be unreachable in some way and then in very roland style we get furioso mode #and then the ending is about recognizing the love that has in fact been there all along and carrying it with u. and hoping to reunite some #where some other time. NO more slander of that awful girl. YES to the comfort of the memories. #me typing over my foscolo notes like i can surely post about heathcliff really fast and not write a novel in the tags (unaware) #i have more thoughts about this in regards to ruina with xiao and some stuff from leviathan but in the meantime. listen to my ramblings boy #ALSO. considering that implication. he feels for her what queequeg feels for ishy. ARGHH. RIPPING MY HAIR OFF #ok actually its been enough hours to not spam ppl I'll tag it now for blog org. i should maybe have a tag for posting specifically #limbus company

[wolfstrong]

Rest in peace to my smallest Cory Cat!!! He got sick a couple weeks ago and passed this morning :((((

#I feel awful #about it #I tried really hard to save him #it was sad looking at old picture of how healthy he used to be #my other sick one is in recovery #I think he’ll be okay

[guinevereslancelot]

most fucked up thing about the body's response to not eating is when you're so hungry you feel like you're gonna throw up. this does not make it easier to eat food actually

#literally thanks it did not help #my body sucks so bad at eating #i literally am not hungry until im so hungry i feel sick?? #also #even when i remember to eat on a schedule all food makes me queasy i literally cannot win #maybe the so hungry im about to puke thing is just a me problem idk but it is NOT helpful #im also starting a medication that i cant eat anything for two hours before or after that's going to mess up my digestion today 😊 #and make me feel awful #but its an alternative to eye surgery so hopefully it will be worth it #but i havent even started it yet and im so queasy just bc i didnt really eat breakfast #its not like i had Nothing i had three bites of cheerios and a coffee.... #i would have eaten the cheerios but i was late for an appointment lol #anyway #my digestion sucks and i already cut out gluten and almost all dairy 😤 #wtf else is thereee #also somehow magically even tho all food makes me sick and i barely eat regular meals i am putting on weight??? #lowkey wondering if im diabetic or something bc this is not normallll

[pinkspiraling]

i can’t wait to go home and pretend i don’t exist!

#i have two days off yay i’m so excited i need them so bad ! #i don’t feel sick at all anymore! i feel totally fine but i swear it really did feel like i was fucking dying it was awful #yay yay yay yay yay yay #pink never shuts up

[angel-of-sweet-revenge]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[wikiangela]

wip wednesday

tagged by @jesuisici33 @callaplums @daffi-990 @loserdiaz @thewolvesof1998 @disasterbuckdiaz @fortheloveofbuddie 💖💖

made a bit of progress on the sick fic so here it is🤷

prev snippet

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“Maybe we should get you to a doctor.” Buck muses, wrapping the blanket over Eddie’s shoulders.

“I don’t need- I just closed my eyes for a second. I’m fine.” he grumbles, fumbling with the blanket too long to want to actually throw it off, but he does in the end – he’s cold and refuses to admit it, and he’d rather sit here and pretend he’s fine. He’s impossible.

“Eddie, that cough did not sound fine.” he points out. 

“Buck-” he sneezes, and then wraps the sleeves of his hoodie over his palms. Buck raises his eyebrow, and Eddie pointedly avoids his eyes, as he not-so-discreetly wipes his nose with a sleeve. 

“I bought tissues.” Buck reaches for the bag and digs out a box, then tries to give it to Eddie, who, instead of taking it, just levels him with a stare, as he sniffles loudly, and swipes a sleeve under his nose again. “Seriously? You’re gonna be gross and disgusting just to prove you’re not sick?” That’s a new level of stubborn Buck hasn’t seen from Eddie yet. He can’t believe this is the man his heart decided it wants. And that even while sick and gross and stubborn and ridiculous, a part of Buck is still endeared by him.

“I’m not.” Eddie insists, sounding so congested Buck swears he can feel it in his own sinuses. “Let me just finish my coffee, and then I-” another sneeze. “Have so much to do today.” he finishes, but at least this time he reaches for the tissues, looking anywhere but at Buck, cheeks red.

“Yeah, no, all you’re gonna do today is rest and take some medicine.” Buck says decisively, then takes the bag in his hand, and slowly starts walking to the kitchen. “Get comfortable, and I’ll just put this all away and be right back. I bought meds, tissues, and something to cook you some soup-” he starts listing off, getting louder the further he gets. “Oh, and stopped by the farmer’s market to get honey. Did you know that honey has antioxidant and antibacterial properties?” he asks excitedly, ready to tell Eddie every single thing he found in his quick research. Buck learned a long time ago that with Eddie he doesn’t need to hold back and can rant and ramble all he wants, and Eddie is happy to listen to him.

“Yeah?” Eddie yells back, voice hoarse and strained. Buck can hear the couch shift as Eddie gets comfortable, maybe even finally lays down. He knows Eddie won’t just give in and admit he’s sick, but this is a start. “Why don’t you tell me all about it?” he sounds genuinely interested, though also really tired. 

“I will, just a sec! I’ll make you some tea with lemon and honey, how’s that sound?” he asks, and gets a grunt in response, though he’s not sure if that’s an answer, or if Eddie’s just trying to suppress a cough in an attempt to hide that he’s sick, as if Buck didn’t already know. He chuckles to himself. He really has his work cut out for him today.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gayarthur @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @diazblunt @911onabc @eddiediaztho @housewifebuck @lover-of-mine @gayhoediaz @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @hoodie-buck @monsterrae1 @hippolotamus @ladydorian05 @forthewolves @honestlydarkprincess @wildlife4life @spotsandsocks @eowon @theotherbuckley @weewootruck @thewolvesof1998 @giddyupbuck @disasterbuckdiaz @hoodie-buck @spotsandsocks

#wip wednesday #sick eddie fic #eddie is so ridiculous in this lmao #this is really gonna be so silly and fluffy i can't wait haha #buddie fic #buddie wip #buddie #wikiangela writes #my writing #fic snippet #my wips #still lowkey stuck on alive shannon and coffee shop #and this one isnt going so smoothly either #but im here and trying to work on it all! #ngl i still feel so fucking bad and exhausted and awful and sad i cant even explain it #i thought itd be better and id be back to myself after my cold and my period were over but nope #thought about taking a lil break from writing but tbh idk how id cope without it so pushing myself through it lol #this got venty lmao ignore me #i think this silliness is exactly what i need rn hahaha

[soupmanspeaks]

you ever wonder if the Glamrocks's face tracking acts up when they look at Glamrock-Freddy, like they'll look at his face, and the recognition will register as Freddy, but their systems for whatever reason or another think that there is a face overlapped on Freddy's do you think they see two small squares next to him, at his side, roughly child sized, but no one is physically there.... right...?

#fnaf #michael afton #five nights at freddy’s #glammike #crying child #elizabeth afton #i wanted to allude something to william but idk #would the glamrocks go into the sinkhole? maybe #maybe next to glamrock freddy alongside the weird overlapping face he has and the two kid height faces #there is a face tracking box next to him...standing #remember that post about the ghost hunters comin to the pizza plex? maybe the weird face tracking happens too... #im watching garret watts and Andrew's constant facial tracking anomalies inspired this post lol #anyways i really like the thought that despite being the most friendly Glamrock; Freddy has this......feeling about him #his AI was made just this year! programmed with cutting edge and top of the line technology! #then....then why does he go off script sometimes? why does he say things that wasn't programmed show dialogue? #how does he know about Mr. Afton? the killer from the 80's who committed heinous deeds? #Why does he speak as if he knew him personally? if his AI is just pulling stuff from online; Why does he speak with resentment about him? #IM SORRY I JUST LOVE THE CONCEPT!! #like just because this franchise has gotten more neon and sugery than ever; remember; lights can be blinding and sugar causes cavities #idk what that means just omg there is more horror potential than you think in the SB era of games if you look hard enough #off topic but back to freddy being a sweetie pie i think that its funny okay #freddy sasses adults okay okay but he isnt mean to kids okay maybe michael just idk; MATURED? maybe he just got some whimsy mkay? #listen if i was forced to be in a perpetual cycle of atoning for my own and my father's sins i would find any and all silver linings mkay #aw yeah this is sick i get to be a freddy mercury inspired glamrock bear WOOO #granted michael was probably tired of animatronic bands and pizza by fnaf 6 but ykkkkkkkk it.....could be worse? he could be his dad lmao #anyways headcannon michael listend to freddy mercury and this is the equivalent of cosplaying him scott told me so (trust) #tag rambles! theyre fun lol

[ssaseaprince]

Reba McClane: I drew a freak

Will Graham: You didn't draw a freak. You drew a man with a freak on his back. There is nothing wrong with you.

Reba McClane: The blind attract them.

Will Graham: Not just the blind.

#This whole conversation makes me feel like I'm going to throw up #You know when you hear something awful and your stomach drops and you feel sick #That's how this makes me feel #It's awful to listen to Will have a connection with somebody over shared pain #He sees himself as a freak just as much as Hannibal #And it genuinely makes me want to cry watching how much he connects and cares about broken and hurt people #He does the same thing with Peter and Georgia #As much as he has his own darkness and cruelty he is also a broken stuggling man #And he's so kind to those people and it goes beyond him just being able to see through others minds #He genuinely relates to these people and feels their suffering - even if he didn't have his extreme empathy he would still genuinely relate #It makes me emotional because even though he has his own darkness and anger and cruelty I really believe that deep down Will is a good man #hannibal #nbc hannibal #will graham #hannibal nbc #hannibal meta #hannibal quotes #reba mcclane #Favs #Favourites

[songbirdstew]

It's the first day of Winter Break, and Royal has a cough and a 100* fever

#they can be 14 years old and twice as tall as you but still all you can think is #I don't want my baby to be sick. I hate this #they say they feel okay but that cough really sounds awful #I haven't put them through a covid test yet. They've had to do it a LOT over the years. #always negative so far but. I'm going to wait until we absolutely have to know