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makeste · 3 years

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BnHA Chapter 311: Hand Gun

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “thinkin’ about dropping in some woke analogies of the very real and very presently relevant issue of racial profiling idk what do you guys think” and then shrugged and did it without waiting for an answer, and ngl it was a bit sudden, but I’m here for it. All Might was all “DEKU YOU NEED TO EAT” and Deku was all “OKAY” and took his hero bento and went to go stand dramatically on a tower in the rain whilst having some highly anticipated Vestige flashbacks. OFA II was all, “sup, I guess I’m not Kacchan... OR AM I,” and ngl I think he is?? Alternate universes anybody?? Hello??? But anyway, so OFA the First a.k.a. Yoichi was all “remember that time you guys rescued me from my evil brother and Two took my hand and we Had A Moment?”, and Two and Three were all “ahh yeah good times”, and it was very nice and very, very gay. The chapter ended with it being very unclear if Two and Three have actually lent their power to Deku yet or not lmao. Y’all need to get your shit together dudes.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “what if I gave a random bad guy a fucking tommy gun that shoots nails” and jesus christ calm down son. The Hawksquad, a.k.a. SQUAWK as per @hotchocolatier, are all “time to drive aimlessly around town acting like Deku has a restraining order on us because that’s literally the best plan to combat the League we could come up with,” and I have no further comment. Hawks is all “idk about you guys but I want to know more about AFO and Tomura’s whole deal” and I can’t remember the last time I identified so strongly with one of these characters. All Might is all, “[EXPLODES???]”, and the chapter ends with that mysterious hot girl from the Tartarus breakout being all “HELLO I CAN TURN INTO A GUN AND I LITERALLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK” and (1) WOW, and (2) IT’S TRUE, SHE CAN, AND SHE REALLY DOESN’T. GODDAMN.

(ETA: so this wholly escaped my notice on the first go, and also has nothing to do with the chapter itself, but I only just realized that this chapter was scanlated by a new group, TCB Scans. they actually did a very good job, and I’m curious if they’ve found a new RAW provider, because the quality this week is actually crazy good in comparison to what we’ve been dealing with for the past few months. I’m gonna have to get caught up on what exactly happened here lol.)

so what will it be this week? more Vestige antics? more of Sad Nomad Deku standing on buildings and pretending like he’s some cool aloof antihero, as if he could fool us when we all know his hero backpack is secretly stuffed full with his nerd diaries and the remnants of all the hero bentos that All Might keeps giving him?? or, just putting it out there, just a crazy thought, but you don’t suppose we might actually cut back to U.A.? mmm. side-eyes emoji

maaaaaan I’m starting to get tired of this trend of beginning chapters by dropping in on random power-tripping civilians and/or Shindou lol. just once can we get a chapter that opens with someone I actually give a fuck about

oh at least Endeavor is here

A WHAT SUPPORT ITEM!??! HOLY SHIT DDLKJSLFKJL

lol somehow that’s more terrifying than bullets for me?? like I’m fully aware that bullets will fuck you up way worse and that in real life nail guns probably don’t work like this AT ALL and only have a range of like... hold up let me just google... up to 100 to 150 m/s and distances of up to 500m wait WHAT

okay wait. hold up. like I was expecting google to tell me nail guns only shoot a few feet at most, and instead the first search result is some CDC blog article that’s “dispelling” the “””myth””” -- please note my repeated sarcastic quotation marks -- that nail guns can fire 1400 feet per second, by explaining that actually they can fire anywhere from 315 ft/sec to 1,295 ft/sec, and that “it is in the pneumatic nail gun user’s best interest to handle these tools as if they were a firearm despite having a lower velocity” dlkjdslkjflkl

SO THAT SCENE IN IRON MAN 3 WHERE TONY RAIDS A HOME DEPOT AND BUYS A BUNCH OF RANDOM TOOLS AND SHIT AND GOES ON TO STAGE A ONE-MAN INVASION OF AN INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST’S FLORIDA MANSION HQ IS ACTUALLY TRUE. YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT THE FILM “HOME ALONE” IS ACTUALLY A DOCUMENTARY. “the Discovery Channel television program “Mythbusters” compared the penetration capacity of an airborne projectile shot from a pneumatic framing nail gun to that of a 9mm hand gun” HELLO YES AND A MERRY “WHAT THE FUCK” TO YOU AS WELL

anyway, so. there’s apparently a reason why the Number One hero, who can burn people with the intensity of a sun going supernova, is hiding here behind this concrete support column making frowny faces. nope. nuh uh. he ain’t about that. I don’t blame you buddy

so now he’s barrel rolling out of his hiding place and setting this dude THE FUCK ON FIRE because HELL NO. BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO WATCH THAT FUCKING MUSHROOM EPISODE LAST WEEK! YOU TAKE THAT SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE

LOL look at his face

I know the context is actually him being all “I know I’m responsible for basically everything that happened and so that’s why I’m so grim and serious about this mission to set things right piece by piece,” but in my mind this pissed-off face is 100% all because this dude tried to shoot his eye out with a nail gun. look at that. you made him go full flame face again. beard and all. protecting his face so that it can hopefully melt any stray nails that get too close. nope nope nope

good lord. so what’s up next. let me guess the guy fighting Best Jeanist has like an atomic chainsaw or some shit

lol nope we’re just cutting back to Hawks and Jeanist chilling in the Jesla after they’ve wrapped things up

Jeanist has got some serious Groot energy you guys jesus christ he’s like 12 feet tall

oh snap someone threw a pipe at him now

today is just the chapter of Endeavor being assaulted by random DIY tools I guess

I mean, I get why they’re pissed at him obviously; I would be too lol. but tbh I also don’t really understand the “get out of here we don’t want your help” attitude that all of these people suddenly seem to have?? like it if were me, I would be fucking DEMANDING for him and the other heroes to be working round the clock to fix their stupid mess. I mean who else is gonna do it?? it’s their mess, I sure don’t want to be the one to clean it up instead. anyways but whatever lol

oh shit?

so they haven’t dropped the whole “OFA secret potentially gets revealed to the world” thing yet after all. that makes sense I suppose, it did seem like that whole thing wound up playing out a bit too easily

anyway so yeah

the locals are definitely none too happy. well at least Dabi’s got something to be cheerful about I guess

so now we’re cutting to the interior of the Jesla and they’re chitchatting about the current investigation

oh wow this actually makes a bit of sense now. so there was a reason they were keeping their distance from Deku

please note that even in this abstract Endeavor’s-Mental-Image-Of-Him panel, Deku’s eyes still don’t have the light in them anymore :( my poor son

also ftr I still think using Deku as bait in this particular sense is the shittiest idea ever ngl. like sure, let’s let the sixteen-year-old run around battling miscellaneous escaped prison convicts while we stay several kilometers away ON PURPOSE despite the fact that you’re using him as bait to draw out the Big Bad, who just a reminder can destroy anything with a mere touch and who you were all basically helpless against. what exactly are you all planning to do if Tomura or one of the other League VIPs actually shows up to retrieve him?? are you even keeping tabs on him at all in real time?? jesus

(ETA: well that escalated quickly lol.)

Horikoshi is all of a sudden dropping whole pages of exposition here and I can’t be bothered to summarize this lol so just,

a big fat YES to what Jeanist said, though. that’s why imo they would have been better off laying a trap at U.A. rather than just wandering around out in the open. I assume they’re trying to cut their potential losses because U.A. is full of students (and civilians), but those students also happen to be more capable than pretty much anyone else in the manga at this point. and tbh they’re already in life-threatening danger regardless of how things play out from here on, so they might as well at least try to use the few advantages they have right now. U.A. is almost certainly going to come under siege at some point anyway, so they might as well prepare for it

lol I don’t think I’m explaining this very well because I don’t have the patience right now to break it down point by point like it really ought to be, so for now I’ll just say that imo “U.A. siege” stands a good chance of being the eventual endgame even now, and so this whole “Deku runs around being bait” arc is really just killing time until then lol. like and subscribe for more rambling nonsensical takes such as this. maybe next time I’ll even put it all into one single sentence for maximum meandering senior citizen rant value

well it’s nice that they’re finally talking about all of this I guess

we readers have known all of this for months now but this confirms the heroes are finally caught up. ALSO, Hawks is so fucking smart, as always. kinda wonder if things would have played out differently if All Might had let him in on the secret a bit earlier. probably that’s why Horikoshi made damn sure they didn’t find out until after the War arc lol

OH MY GOD YOOOOOO HAWKS OUT HERE ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

“anyone else wondering why AFO bothered to raise Tomura as his fake heir for fifteen years when he was secretly planning on taking over his body the whole time” YES, [raises hand] lmao Hawks where the hell were you when I was debating this “AFO is the final villain and Tomura is just his pawn” thing on multiple occasions over the past several years lol

lmao seeing them debate the metaphysics of OFA and all of its mystical bullshit is seriously surreal you guys

JEANIST HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT MY META TAG I HAVE WRITTEN SO MANY ESSAYS. I ACTUALLY WAS PLANNING ON WRITING ANOTHER ESSAY ABOUT THE THING THAT I’M PRETTY SURE HAWKS IS ABOUT TO BRING UP, BUT I NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT WHOOPS, BUT MAYBE I WILL NOW LOL LET’S SEE HOW IT GOES

yes!!

WHICH AFO FUCKING ENSURED HE WOULD BE BY LITERALLY PLANNING OUT EVERY LAST DETAIL OF HIS FAMILY TRAGEDY, FROM SECRETLY GIVING TENKO THE QUIRK TO MAKING SURE NO CIVILIANS OR HEROES WOULD HELP HIM UNTIL AFO FINALLY STEPPED IN. I’M 1000% CONVINCED THIS IS THE CASE YOU GUYS. NOT JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAN OF “THE WORLD IS A FUNDAMENTALLY SHITTY PLACE, ACTUALLY” TAKES BECAUSE MISTER ROGERS TOLD ME TO ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE HELPERS, BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT LITERALLY JUST DOESN’T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE OTHERWISE. THEIR ENTIRE HOUSE CAVED IN FFS, YOU’RE TELLING ME NONE OF THE NEIGHBORS FUCKING OVERHEARD THAT SHIT AND WENT “UMMMMMMMMM” AND WENT TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?? “DIDN’T THERE USED TO BE A HOUSE HERE, AND LIKE A WHOLE FAMILY, AND SHIT?”

LIKE I’M SORRY, BUT IT’S ONE THING TO SAY IT’S REALISTIC THAT NOT A SINGLE PERSON WOULD ATTEMPT TO HELP THE WANDERING TRAUMATIZED CHILD AFTERWARDS (WHICH I DISAGREE WITH AS WELL BUT AT LEAST THAT’S MORE SUBJECTIVE), AND IT’S A WHOLE OTHER THING TO ARGUE THAT IT’S REALISTIC THAT NO ONE WOULD BE FUCKING NOSY. LIKE THAT’S A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL OF “THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS” ENTIRELY LOL. anyway tl;dr AFO is a piece of shit and Tomura’s entire worldview is based on a magnificently intricate and savagely cruel lie more at 11

anyway so after all that ranting it looks like that wasn’t even what Hawks was talking about after all lol. I just went off for absolutely no reason lol oh well. instead it seems that Hawks is suggesting that Tomura’s carefully cultivated hatred might not yet have actually reached “can defeat OFA” levels even after all of that trauma. interesting!

don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here while my brain furiously scrambles to put together all the parallels between Hawks and Tomura that it never noticed before until exactly this second. like I’m not even sure that was the intent here at all (I need to check out another translation or two lol), but regardless my mind decided that now would be the perfect time to make the connection between these two twenty-somethings who both had horrific childhoods and spent years being molded by their respective manipulative guardians, and developed eerily similar “laugh at everything because what else can you do” coping mechanisms to deal with it all hmmmmm

anyway so they were talking more about their strategy, but now all of a sudden Jeanist’s phone is beeping??

AND NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO ALL MIGHT AND HIS MIGHTMOBILE DAMMIT so that means the call to Jeanist was actually something important then!! WAS IT BAKUGOU OMG. DOES YOUR INTERN WANT A WORD FFFKLFSJK please it’s been so long I just need a little crumb or two to tide me over lmao have mercy

anyway so All Might’s following the GPS tracking device he’s apparently got planted on Deku (which in my conspiracy headcanons he’s actually had for a long time now, like since before DvK2 lol because HOW ELSE WOULD HAVE HAVE KNOWN THAT THEY WERE FIGHTING EACH OTHER IN GROUND BETA, PEOPLE) and thinking angsty thoughts about Deku’s sucky life

AND NOW ALL MIGHT’S PHONE IS RINGING TOO?? BAKUGOU HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE YOU CALLING. “WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE NERD GODDAMMIT”

OMG

lol is he under attack or is he just finally giving All Might the slip like we all know he SECRETLY PLANNED TO ALL ALONG oh my poor dumb angstmuffin

OMG AHHHHHHH WHAT

DID ALL MIGHT JUST FUCKING DIE LMAO NO OF COURSE NOT, BUT WHAT

WHAT IS HAPPENING OMG

THE FUCK IS THAT. AT LEAST IT’S NOT A NAIL

OH IT’S A SPEAKER!! OMG DID THEY TAKE ALL MIGHT HOSTAGE

“THEY’RE HERE” WELP, TIME TO SEE JUST HOW SHITTY THIS SHITTY PLAN REALLY IS LOL

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHE!!!!

omg. AND OVERHAUL JUST CHILLING THERE IN THE BACKGROUND ALL “WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT ME TO DO I’VE GOT NO FUCKING ARMS” YEAH GOOD RIDDANCE LOL

DOES THIS GIRL HAVE ONE GIANT LEG OR WHAT, LIKE WHAT’S THE DEAL HERE

-- HOLD UP WAIT, THE GUN IS HER ARM, HOLY SHIT SHE CAN TURN INTO A GUN��-- OKAY HOLD UP BECAUSE I NEED TO SAY THAT IN BIGGER TEXT BECAUSE !!!!

YOU GUYS, THE COOL TARTARUS GIRL IS BACK AND HER QUIRK IS “CAN TURN INTO A FUCKING GUN.” THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! MY BEST GIRL MT. GUN IS FINALLY BACK ON THE SCENE WITH HER QUIRK “CAN DO ANYTHING A GUN CAN DO.” “I HEARD Y’ALL WENT AND NAMED ONE OF YOUR HEROES ‘GUNHEAD’ EVEN THOUGH HIS HEAD ISN’T EVEN A GUN, LIKE WTF IS UP WITH THAT LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE” DANG OKAY

lmao only fifteen pages this week, and STILL NO KACCHAN (THEN WHO WAS PHONE!!!), but man I don’t even care because finally we’ve got a cliffhanger that’s actually deserving of being a cliffhanger! hot dog. okay then

#bnha 311 #endeavor #hawks (bnha)#takami keigo #shigaraki tomura #best jeanist #all might #midoriya izuku #cool tartarus gun transforming girl #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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dragynkeep · 2 years

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Honestly, I never saw the appeal in Clexa. I get it, it's a prominent wlw ship, but that's all it has to its name. There was zero build-up: Clarke spent time with Lexa just because she needed an alliance, Lexa betrayed her and when she reappeared Clarke literally screamed "Bitch, I'll kill you" in her face, she was kept there against her will and, even when she decided to stay, it was for the sake of her people and she seemed to barely respect Lexa. Then they have one moment and we're supposed to believe Clarke is suddenly madly in love with Lexa? These two knew each other for a month at most, and still for the latter half of s3 Clarke is grieving Lexa as if they had a 10-year relationship, to the point she apparently hasn't gotten over her death 6 years later. And the show kept hammering how much Clarke loved Lexa until the very end (I refused to finish s7, but I heard Lexa does a comeback?), when all the while Clarke and Bellamy stare longingly at each other and have more romantic interactions than canon couples.

I mean, it's not nearly as terrible as Bumblebee, but still, it's a bad ship.

i still don't get how a relationship where clarke was made to murder her first love because otherwise lexa would've tortured him, then they know each other for like a week before the betrayal & then when she's kidnapped & forced to polis because she's making lexa look weak; there's a whole romance developed in two days before lexa bit the bullet.

i also don't understand how cls can see clarke mourning for years over a 2 day romance she had at 18 & think that's either a. romantic or b. a fulfilling end for her character. she's never allowed to get over lexa, she's constantly mourning & punishing herself, she nearly loses her daughter to the same cult religion lexa was in & then the alien judge chooses lexa to reappear as clarke's "greatest teacher." like?

what did lexa teach her? love is weakness? you can betray anyone you like if you feel you're in the right? how to be a bad leader? miss me with that. all the while clarke is given at least three other potential love interests & all of them end badly as if the narrative is punishing her for daring to move on. niylah disappears, the party dude metaphorically date rapes her & bellamy dies.

the sad thing is that i like lexa, but the clexa relationship & the constant woobification of lexa as a character to make her this "noble savage princess" instead of a very smart, very calculating dictatorial leader of the clans just rubs me the wrong way. she was introduced as an antagonist for a reason.

i would argue it is worse than bees but i also have a lot stronger feelings against clexa than i have bees because of the fans behind it lmao. both ships are absolute garbage though.

#the 100 #clexa critical #lexa critical #clarke griffin #clarke griffin deserved better #pro clarke griffin #owl.txt #answered #q

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marvelfansince08love · 4 years

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Jealousy Sin

Word Count: 4397

Pairing: Lou Miller x Tammy x Reader - Established Poly Relationship

Prompts “You’re so pretty” “And you are drunk, darling”, “Wait, say that again”, “Go fuck yourself,” “How about you fuck me yourself, you coward?!”, “Come on now, dear. Let’s not torture her any longer”

Warning: NSFW 18+, bad smut writing lmao.

A/N; @existentialcrisiscat thank you for sending in this request and look just in time for your birthday tomorrow! I send you my best wishes and I hope you enjoy this early bday present, July babies are the best!

Thank you @imnotasuperhero for reading over this! Second attempt at poly smut so enjoy the mess lmao!

Permanent Tags: @waitingfortheendtocome @natasha-danvers

I do not own these pictures!

Prompts 14,16,20,39 “You know that the heart of a shrimp is located in its head and that a snail can sleep for 2 to 3 years continuously,” You excite, reciting from a ‘50 fun facts’ book Constance left lying around the lounge area of Lou’s apartment building. Your back against Tammy’s side with your legs stretched out on the sofa while she twirls a strand of your hair around her finger loosely peeking over to look at the ridiculous book. You hear Lou scoff from the open kitchen, making her way to where you are. She hands you both a glass of wine each before grabbing a hold of your ankles and lifting them up from the sofa so she can sit close to you; your legs now stretched out across her lap.

“That’s ridiculous babe. You read the weirdest stuff.” She teases, tickling your feet lightly making you squirm and yelp slightly at the sudden sensation making her eyes twinkle with mischief.

“Hey! It’s true, see!” You turn the book around for her to read.

“She’s right Lou. They are real facts,” Tammy defends teasing the older woman slightly, knowing that it’s usually you against them. You smile smugly at her as she snatches the book from you grumbling about ‘the mess that girl brings every time she’s round here’ making you and Tammy laugh. The back and forth exchange continues for some time as you all enjoy a rare peaceful night in; with another successful heist for the two woman and your new promotion underway, the lighthearted mood continues into the late night with loving kisses exchanged and sweet caresses as you all stumble into bed, tangled up in sheets and limbs as hot wet kisses are pressed on warm glistening skin.

Being with Lou and Tammy for the past six month has been the most wonderful ride you have ever been on and you never want it to stop.

Pure Paradise

Two weeks later

Over the past two weeks the little bubble you three had created started to show cracks leaving you feeling insecure and down right pissed off. You see, being with two women who lead a life of crime no matter how elegantly and successfully they do it, can be difficult. Their planning has to be precise with no page left unturned, if one thing goes wrong it could mean prison for them and no one wants that. They’ve only ran one big heist since you started dating but you were in your honeymoon phase with them back then, they could do no wrong in your eyes. The less frequent phone calls and texts were justified when the two women hung the moon in your mind:

‘It’s a big job they have. They need to focus and make sure it goes right, they still love and care for you the same, Y/N’. Debbie would remind you quietly away from the others, always aware and seeing behind the fake persona.

“You are not going out, Y/N. That’s final.” You stand in your black turtleneck dress and heels, arms crossed in defiance.

“Yes, I am. I’m celebrating my promotion with my colleagues whether you two like it or not.”

“Come on, darling. Stay with us we had this reservation booked for tonight for weeks,” Tammy pleads slightly a little confused by your decline. You usually love date nights, especially when it involves the two of them and food from your favourite restaurant.

“Why are you being like this Y/N? You’ve been distant the last week and a half and don’t think we haven’t noticed you sneaking out of our room in the middle of the night to sleep in the guest room.” You scoff at the word ‘our’.

‘It hasn’t been our room for the last two weeks’ You think spitefully.

“Why do you even care Lou! You and Tammy have been so busy with each other the past two weeks, you barely noticed me leave last week for TWO DAYS Lou. It took two days for either of you to message me and then when I am here you’re both hovering over building prints and potential crew members, I understand that this isn’t something I’m a part of but you could at least act like me not being a part of this doesn’t affect our relationship!” You shout aiming your anger at both women. While Tammy has the decency to look guilty and slightly apologetic, Lou’s face turns hard and cold.

“I’m sorry if our job has taken an importance over yours for once! We thought you understood what you were getting yourself into when we asked you to be a part of our lives Y/N, stop being a clingy brat and grow up.” Lou rages, her chest raising and falling heavily. Tammy takes a step forward to chastise Lou for her burst of anger but before she can intervene you hold up a hand indicating for Tammy to stop as you chuckle humorlessly with unushered tears, speechless. You shake your head in disbelief before grabbing your clutch and rushing for the door and heading into the night.

***

The bar is crowded, full of warm bodies pressed closely together as the dim blue lights glow over the dance floor. You feel the rush of alcohol swarm your mind making you dizzy as you sway lightly to the beat of the sound, you notice your phone illuminate with missed calls and worried texts from your significant others. Your pissed and upset state had quickly changed once you had hit your first bottle of wine and twirled around on the dance floor with your colleagues after some time and a few tequila shots later, the fight you had with them seems miles away. You feel funny and brave as you see Tammy’s name flash on your phone and press the green icon to answer.

“Well... hello gorgeous,” You flirt, your voice deep and slurred.

“Y/N? I can’t hear you much. Darling, please tell me where you are so I can come and get you and bring you home to us?” You scoff at that before stumbling towards the smoking area by the front of the club.

“Tam-Tam, I’m fine. Apparently I’m a brat and this is what brats do right?” You mock, hearing Lou sigh slightly in the background:

‘Is that her? Let me talk to her’ You hear Tammy hush her as if batting her hand away from the phone making you giggle.

Tammy has always been the calmer mediator between you and Lou.

‘You drive her crazy with your bratty ways Y/N’ Tam teased one evening her hand wrapped tightly around your waist as you shrugged in fake innocence while watching Lou struggle to contain herself from across the room at her makeshift bar where she stood with Rose and Debbie, you and Tammy knew that the dress you were wearing was a little on the short side and showed your chest off beautifully driving them both wild, especially Lou.

“Baby you know she didn’t mean it… you know how hot headed she can get,” Tammy murmurs, bringing an offended ‘hey’ out of Lou in the background. You roll your eyes and huff, knowing how right she is.

“Why don’t you tell me where you are darling? We miss you,” Tammy confesses softly, making your heart flutter slightly. But with dutch courage in your system, you simply roll your eyes.

“Well it doesn’t feel like you have missed me at all,” You murmur, leaning heavily against the wall of the club watching the nightlife before you.

“You know that's not true and I’m only going to ask you this one more time Y/N. Where are you?”

“Eye spy with my little eye, something being with L.” You giggle at your attempt of humour giggling loudly as Tammy huffs on the other side of the phone.

“Hilarious babe, really.”

“You're supposed to say Lamppost,silly!” You exclaim, hiccuping in between your sentence making you giggle once more.

“I’m coming to get you,” Tammy states, you can hear her moving around as if gathering her keys and heading for the door but not before hearing her and Lou argue about who’s going to get you. You sigh in defeat, knowing you have had far too much to drink and secretly want to go home so you can wrap yourself up in their warmth.

“I’m at Russo’s.” You mumble, sulking in defeat before hanging up. Your colleague Matt pops his head out of the door scanning the smoking area, looking for you. He sees you and waves before striding over.

“Hey Y/N! Come back inside, Lucy is bringing another round to the table. We’re celebrating in style tonight sweetheart.” You cringe subtly at the pet name before smiling weakly at him.

“I’m actually waiting for my ride. I think I’ve reached my limit for the night.” You try to joke making him laugh a little too much, he steps closer to you and leans against the wall next to you as he lights a cigarette before offering you one. You shake your head in decline before scanning the street hoping to see Tammy’s ‘soccer mom’ car.

“You look amazing tonight, by the way. Those two women sure are lucky.” Matt compliments, his eyes scanning you from head to toe lingering too long on your chest making you wrap your leather jacket around you, hiding from his lustful look. You step back to try and put some distance between you.

“Oh uh, thank you and if anyone should be the lucky one it’s definitely me.” You state trying to put the point across.

Fuck off!

“Have you ever thought of expanding this ‘little relationship’ to four people or is it a women’s only type of thing?” You gape at him in disgust as he shrugs his shoulders and smiles cheekily thinking he’s being charming. Before you can retaliate you feel a strong arm wrap around you from behind, making you smile slightly knowing that familiar pull of electricity.

“We are perfectly happy with the three of us Mr.Lawson, if you would kindly remove yourself away from my girlfriend before I send you back in there with an even higher pitched voice than before that would be much appreciated,” Tammy suggests, her voice hard and commanding making you shiver slightly at her authoritative tone. She stands tall in her heels, putting herself slightly in front of you, blocking his view of you. You watch as he gulps and stutters over his words, his face red in embarrassment as he stumbles an apology before heading back inside. You go to tease her about throwing her top energy around like that in front of others outside of the bedroom but her face shows that she’s in no laughing mood, you throw her your most doe eyed look making her sigh in defeat; never being able to stay mad at you.

“Come on baby, let’s get you home.” She mutters into your ear as she pulls you closer to her side while guiding you over towards her car.

You fumble around trying to get comfortable in the seat, once situated you relax against the warm seat as it heats up around you making you sigh contently. You lean your head to the side and face Tammy, taking in her soft features and full lips as the street lights hit her side profile making her look like an angel.

“You’re so pretty,” You mumble to her, as you brush a finger across her cheek lightly and tuck a loose strand of blonde hair behind her ear.

“And you are drunk, darling,” She teases back dismissively, although her soft smile and tinge of pink on her cheeks shows how affected she is by your statement. You grin lazily at her as you feel sleep succumb bringing you into darkness.

***

You wake by the sound of Tammy’s whispering voice coaxing you awake.

“Come on darling, you need to wake up. You can’t stay in here all night,” She whispers, shaking you slightly.

“5 more minutes, mom.” You mumble, turning away from her making her laugh out loud which causes you to wake, eyes wide at your slip up.

“Wait, say that again.” She asks, subtly getting her phone out.

“You better put that phone away Tammy or I’m going to stay with Debbie for the night.” You threaten, knowing how jealous her and Lou get whenever Debbie flirts with you to tease her best friends; which you are more than happy to go along with. She scowls playfully.

“Fine fine, come on then, you lightweight. We better get in before Lou sends out a search party for the both of us.” She murmurs, climbing out of her side and walking around to help you out of the car. You frown suddenly realising that it was only Tammy who came to get you.

“Is she still really mad at me?” You ask sadly, starting to sober up slightly and relaying the fight from earlier in your head.

Tammy helps you out of the vehicle and wraps an arm around your waist before giving you a reassurance kiss on your temple.

“Yes… but not as pissed off as she was earlier on. She… we both know we’ve been rather neglectful of you lately and we promise to make it up to you.” She confesses, her eyes showing how sorry she is.

“I’m sorry for acting out like I did… I know how important it is to make sure the job runs smoothly, I should have been more understanding. I’m sorry Tam-Tam.’ You apologise, pecking her cheek lightly.

You both walk steadily through the front door but stop in your tracks when you notice Lou sitting casually on one of the single chairs in the living room area, her legs spread wide in her black suit pants and white open button shirt revealing a peek of her black bra making you and Tammy gulp.

“Lou I..” She holds her hand up, silencing your apology.

“Did he touch you?” You frown in confusion not fully understanding her meaning.

“Who?”

“That guy from work, did he touch you?”

“How do you know about th-”

“Nine-ball,” you all say in unison, although Lou and Tammy’s casual tone in answer contrasting with your pissed off one doesn’t go unnoticed by either woman.

“You were checking up on me through the security cameras!? Nice to know that not only am I a selfish brat, I'm also an unloyal one,” You snap towards them both as Tammy reaches for your hand, making you step back.

“You know that’s not the reason, love. We didn’t know where you were, we needed to make sure you were safe,” Lou reasons for them both while Tammy nods in agreement, moving towards the middle space between you and Lou.

“Oh because you care so much, fuck you both and your possessive asses.” You snapped in reply.

“Trust me, you haven’t seen me possessive yet sweetheart.” She says cockily as Tammy hums in agreement, clearly staying mutual within this argument you think sarcastically.

“Well maybe I should go back out there and find him then, let’s see the real Tammy and Lou.“ You taunt, watching as both Tammy and Lou’s eyes flash dark, making your confident smug attitude flutter slightly.

“Go fuck yourself,” Lou spats clearing hitting a nerve, making you retaliate.

“How about you fuck me yourself, you coward?!” You fight back, not realising that during your heated argument Tammy had slowly made her way behind you. You watch as Lou’s tense figure deflates. Her crystal blues flash with lust, swallowing quietly knowing that look all too well; the look that haunts your wet dreams whenever you’re apart from them.

“Is that what you want Y/N, you want us to show you who you belong to?” Lou questions grinning slightly, knowing that's exactly what you want while standing from the chair and stalking over towards you. She rolls up her sleeves slowly revealing the tattoos on her forearm as Tammy stands behind you placing her hands on either side of your hip keeping you in place, smirking knowingly. You shiver in anticipation, loving when they both take control over you.

“I dunno Lou. Do you think she deserves it after the stunt she’s pulled tonight?” Tammy questions Lou as if you weren’t trapped between the two women as Lou creeps dangerously closer, you bite your lip trying to hold back a moan as you feel Tammy’s wet tongue trace the shell of your ear. You watch as those blue eyes grow darker as they follow the direction of Tammy’s tongue carefully. Lou presses her front against your own; chest to chest, her nose brushing over yours before moving over your cheekbone and towards your ear, you watch from the corner of your eye as Tammy and Lou share a heated kiss over your shoulder making you groan loudly. This seems to draw their attention away from each other, their matching grins doing nothing to help the creeping wave of pleasure that ignites deep within your core.

“Oh look Tam, it seems our darling girl wants our attention. Do you think we should give it to her?”

‘Yes!’ You scream internally. Tammy laughs and takes sympathy to your doe-eyed expression gently cupping your face and turning you slightly towards her so she can place a chaste kiss on your lips.

“I think we should... Besides we owe her an apology, I’m sure we can make it up to her.” Tammy mutters between placing quick wet kisses along the side of your jaw and neck. With that Lou swoops in and lifts you over her shoulder making you yelp out loud causing Tammy to giggle at her girlfriend’s actions before she slaps your ass and shushes you while she races ahead up the stairs, her hips swaying showing Lou her plump behind. You hear Lou growl low at Tammy’s teasing demeanor as she follows slowly after her up the stairs mindful of you being over her shoulder.

“Oh, am I just some sort of slave that you can carry around, you caveman?” You accuse, earning you a slap on the ass.

“Ow! Watch it Miller. You know how tender my ass is,”

“And I can’t wait to see that gorgeous ass all red on our bed, baby.” You squirm at that making Lou chuckle.

She carries you into your shared bedroom before slowly lowering you down making you brush fronts as your feet touch the ground. She places a tender kiss to your mouth before looking over your shoulder and grinning, her eyes filled with glee and admiration. You turn around to face the bed, understanding Lou’s expression. Sitting upright against the headboard on top of satin sheets wearing a black lingerie babydoll set is Tammy. You lick your lips at the sight of her, drinking her in.

“Did you have this on underneath those ‘mom’ clothes?” You tease, watching her roll her eyes at your poorly timed humor, loving it nevertheless. Her smirk confirms your suspicions. You watch as she slowly makes her way towards you both crawling on her hands and knees until she reaches the bottom of the bed, she kneels tall and beckons you both closer. You follow her call like a pirate to a siren as you are about to touch her, Lou wraps an arm around you, her chin against your shoulder.

“You are far too overdressed,” she whispers huskily into your ear, as she slowly unzips the back of your dress letting it fall to the floor in a heap before placing sweet kisses along your shoulder blades and spanking your ass hard. You close your eyes at the sensation and the feeling of cold air hitting against your warm skin, you feel a second pair of hands skim over your front tracing light touches across your chest before wrapping gently around your neck pulling your forward an inch as full luscious lips meet your own making you both moan in unison. You open your eyes and meet deep brown pools so full of love and passion.

“Now, who's the one overdressed?” You tease making Tammy smirk mischievously before you both draw your attention to Lou who has left staggered marks along your neck and shoulder. She pulls away slightly and smirks as she unfastens the buttons of her dress shirt, you crotch in front of her and yank her suit trousers down in one sweep letting her step of them, you kiss your way back up her body while Tammy pushes her shirt off her shoulders, leaving us all equally in some state of undressed. Tammy grabs hold of your hand and pulls you towards the bed letting you fall onto your back as she crawls to lie beside you leaving trails of kisses up your body, you eye Lou who stands tall and confident at the foot of the bed in just her briefs; her bra now discarded into the pile of clothes on the floor. She slowly makes her way onto the bed as she licks, bites and kisses her way up your leg towards your inner thigh making you moan and clench slightly.

“You can only cum if one of us says okay baby girl.” Tammy commands softly into your ear, you whimper and nod your head in agreement as Lou pulls your panties down your leg before placing a light kiss against your wet heat making you shudder at the sensitive flesh. Before you could catch your breath Lou dives her tongue deep into your entrance, fucking you with her tongue as Tammy wraps her mouth around your sensitive nipple biting gently, making you moan out loud with pleasure. They both continue their tongue motion over and over again making your body hot and wet with need for release but with Tammy’s words swirling around in your head, you hold off from releasing your pleasure. Lou slowly removes her tongue from your wet folds and presses a kiss on your clit before soaring forward to Tammy and kissing her hard and clumsily letting her tongue tangle with hers, they both moan enjoying the taste of you. You lick your lips at the raw sight of them both above you and whine for their attention as they both look back towards you once again.

“Come on now. Dear. Let’s not torture her any longer,” Tammy teases, pulling away from Lou’s lips.

Lou moves to your other side and lets her tongue skim across your bottom lip before pressing her pale lips more firmly against your own, you feel another pair of lips on your own; the taste of vanilla lingers on your mouth knowing Tammy has joined you both in the fight for dominance as tongues tangle and clash together. You pull apart slowly savouring the moment before Tammy moves south towards your legs, wrapping her delicate hands around your ankles and pulling you further down the bed slightly. You frown in confusion before realising she was making room for Lou to sit comfortably above you with her thighs on either side of your face, you can see her arousal from above you making you whimper in want, licking your lips eagerly. You can practically hear the smirk in her voice:

“Always so eager baby,” she teases, lowering herself a little bit more towards your awaiting mouth. You flick the tip of your tongue over her clit making her squirm and gasp you grin smugly knowing exactly where she likes it the most before taking the sensitive bundle of nerves between your teeth and wrapping your mouth around it, sucking hard. Your mouth releases her clit momentarily as you gasp at the feeling of two cold fingers filling your entrance and curling, hitting your most sensitive spot making you cry out as Tammy picks up her pace.

“So wet and needy tonight darling.” She mutters before diving between your legs and taking your clit into her mouth. You feel Lou’s thighs tighten a fraction around your head making you refocus back onto the enjoyable task of making Lou come. You all continue to rile each other up, picking up your pace, thrusting your tongue deeper into her heat as you grind your hips further onto Tammy’s fingers. Tammy moans as she moves to sit in between your thigh as you bend your knee just enough to add pressure against her wet folds allowing her to grind herself against your bare skin, you bring your thumb over to her clit rubbing the sensitive nerves hard making her moan loudly. The room fills with loud cries of passion as desperate bodies continue to thrust against one another, the knot in your stomach begins to become tighter, you squint your eyes trying to hold off your orgasm.

“Come for us baby, I want to hear you scream.” Lou breathes above you as she grinds hard one more time before allowing her own release. Lou removes herself from above you and lies lazily on her side facing you both, rubbing her fingers over her heat while she watches you and Tammy continue to grind roughly against one another; your fingers working faster and deeper as you both throw your head back in pure ecstasy letting yourself ride out your orgasm on Tammy’s fingers. Tammy collapses against your glistening skin leaning her head against your shoulder as you brush your fingertips softly against her back making her purr ever so slightly. Lou moves from her position and sits upright against the headboard gesturing for you both to join her, Tammy removes herself from your lap as you crawl over to Lou’s awaiting arms and curl into her side. Tammy moves to your other side and drapes an arm over your waist resting her hand gently on Lou’s hip, brushing her thumb back and forth; resting her forehead between your shoulder blades. You feel Tammy’s warm breath against your glistening skin as she speaks softly.

“You belong with us Y/N. Don’t ever think we don’t love you or want you...we wouldn’t be us without you” With that said, she presses a light kiss to your back while Lou hums in agreement pulling you closer, her arm reaching across locking you in between their embrace, you smile cheekily.

“So does this mean I’m still a brat?”

A slight pinch to your hip bone is your only reply.

#lou miller x reader #tammy x reader #I'm a hoe for lou miller and Tammy #prompt request #oceans 8 #lou x tammy #poly relationship #smut fic #cate blanchett x reader #sarah paulson x reader

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aestherians · 3 years

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About 2 weeks ago I wrote an essay for my (hopefully some day finished and shareable) Neocities site. While I have no idea if I’ll finish the site itself, I took another look at the essay today, and, though I might add more in the “strengthening connections” part later, the essay is pretty much done! So, here it is, the first explanation I’ve actually ever written of my bison therianthropy - I apologize in advance for the long paragraphs:

Part 1: Awakening

The bison was the first kintype I became aware of, back in spring 2016. I'd been getting phantom shifts for a few years at this point, but didn't pay them much mind. They overlapped a lot with phantom feelings that I would later find out were gnollish in nature, and this overlap ended up as something very similar to a maned wolf. Especially the combination of unguligrade front legs with paw-like hands, and of a long tufted tail with a shorter, more bushy tail. I was extremely casual at this point - I didn't even write my own stuff or read what others had written! Being not-quite-human was basically an afterthought.

So, like I said: Spring 2016. One second I was following along in my math class (well, I like to remember it that way, at least), and the next it was like I'd been transported into the body of a bison. I pictured myself wading through soft, green grass, feeling my heavy hooves and broad back working, smelling the summer air. And just like that I was back in my classroom. Crazy what the mind can do - I imagine it's the closest I've been to astral traveling. The 'vision' was so overwhelming I had to excuse myself, go into the hallway, and just breathe for a minute.

I instantly connected the dots between that experience and my previous phantom shifts. For the next weeks I pushed aside all experiences that weren't quite bison in nature, and just examined the recognizably bovine feelings. The questioning process took about 2 months until I was confident enough to say I was a bison therian. Then I promptly made a therian-focused aesthetic blog on tumblr :p

Since then I've had a few other 'visions' and I've had time to examine my bison feelings a lot more. I've come to the conclusion that the original experiences were spiritual in nature (partial rebirth, my soul includes 'bison Dust'), and that they turned into an integral part of me through psychological reinforcement.

Part 2: Being Bison

By ruminating (ha!) on my shifts, visions/memories, and other noemata I've come to a few conclusions: The specific bison that my soul comes from was an American bison (Bison bison) 'spike bull', which is a bull whose horns haven't started curving inwards yet - this means the bull is somewhere between 1 and 4 years old. The bison, at some point, was in a herd that included cow-calf pairs, and it felt protective towards these herd members, but through most of its life it roamed with a band of bachelor herd. I don't remember ever breeding or fighting for a harem or anything of that sort (except trying to mount other young bulls), so I assumed the bison died before it could get the chance. I don't have any memories related to death, but due to the environments I remember, I'm pretty sure the bison was in a managed herd, or maybe even a beef herd.

What all these vague memories and conclusions mean for my current self is that I identify partially as a bison bull on a spiritual and psychological level. This also affects my gender identity somewhat. My gender is fluid, but it's usually somewhere along the lines of 'gnoll female' - which is really more like a human man than a human woman. But there are also hints of bovine in my gender. I'm not gonna lie: I wish I had the kind of equipment bulls have haha... But it does goes deeper than just physical body. I feel somewhat like a bachelor bull - an outcast who hangs out with other outcasts and plays at one day winning the respect of those who cast him out. Desiring females carnally (I don't think I could make that sound more like the statement of an incel if I tried lmao). The whole vibe of being a young and virile animal. My gender isn't so much 'bison bull' as it has hints of bullishness.

The bisonness doesn't just inform my gender identity, of course; it is primarily a species identity. Don't misunderstand that though - it's not my primary species identity! That would be gnoll. What I mean is that my bison side mainly presents itself in a way that affects my overall species identity. My bison identity is directly tied to my body image and the way I think of myself, reflect on my behavior, and conceptualize my thoughts. At the most basic level, I deeply wish I could shapeshift, and just choose when to be a bison and when to be a human (or gnoll or other!). It's a much stronger feeling than just "hey, shapeshifting would be cool!" The cool-factor is how I feel about, say, werewolves. It would be cool to be a werewolf. But my desire to shift into a bison is much more of a yearning. It feels like it's the right shape (this hole was made for me!), though I'm definitely not blind to how impractical it would be. I appreciate my thumbs and brain and modern medicine!

When I try to imagine myself in 'my mind's eye,' so to speak, I picture myself with a lot of bison attributes. Most notably the horns, but also the cape/chaps/beard, the sloped/humped back, the tail, and sometimes the hooves. The fact that I don't have any of these traits is anywhere from an afterthought to deeply distressing, depending on the day. Whenever I get phantom shifts, it's also these traits I feel. I can trigger the phantom shifts easily enough, but since they're distracting I rarely do so. More often than not, they just show up on their own.

I rarely get strong mental shifts. The few I've had were disorienting and not very fun, so I usually try to suppress them when they do show up. Weaker m-shifts are a common occurrence, though, often spurred on by feelings of frustration. When I'm in a mental shift my personality becomes more ''stereotypically bison-like'. I get bullheaded (pun partially intended), more physically than verbally aggressive, and my temper becomes more volatile. I perceive a lot of things as potential threats and become more defensive in that state - often those feelings are accompanied by mental images of goring said threats with my horns and urges to attack. Little of it shows outwardly; I just seem more sullen and like I want to be alone.

Shifting is a noteworthy part of my bison identity, but as a whole it's a lot more about all the little day-to-day experiences. Mostly the physical ones of missing horns, and the social ones of not being treated like a bison-person or of not having the same social role as a spike bull would have in his herd.

Part 3: Strengthening Connections

There's no shame in being a bit proactive about your identity. I think the therian community has this idea that you shouldn't have a hand in creating your species identity, and I strongly disagree. While I didn't create the original bison-like feelings, I've been reinforcing the ideas a lot since they appeared. Every little trait that could be connected to my bisonhood, I take to be connected to my bisonhood, whether as a cause or result of it.

I've always had these conflicting traits of being stubborn as heck and fairly conflict-avoidant (and of wishing I could resort to physical violence rather than talk when a conflict shows up). These traits could obviously show up in any human, so I don't consider them "inherently bison-like" in any way. And yet they're the same traits a 1000kg horned prey animal would have. If a threat gets too close to a bison, the bison will stubbornly stand its ground and attack - if the attack doesn't work, only then does the bison flee. These traits, while not directly connected to it, help reinforce my bison identity.

My friends also help. They'll buy me bison-themed gifts (one gave me a pendant that I wear every day) and they'll jokingly refer to me as a bison. Once when we were at a safari park they stopped the car near the bison herd and just let me watch for as long as I wanted. I'm lucky that I get to be so open about this side of myself.

#otherkin #therian #therianthrope #therianthropy #about me

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thethousandyearwitch · 3 years

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The Show Must Go On! Chapter 4

- A Youtuber AU you didn’t want and didn’t need -

Hisoka Morrow, italian Makeup Youtuber, enjoys his life in the comfort and occasional drama of his profession. But nothing brings more drama into his life than the eldest son of the Zoldyck fashion magazine empire.

Meanwhile, aspiring australian Twitch Streamer Gon Freecs forms a special bond to a Speedrunner commonly going by "Kil".

Chapter 4 “Shifting Sand Land” out now!

AO3 Link

Illumi had always feared that one day he might inherit any of his mother's illnesses. It wasn't out of the question, and he considered himself lucky that no ailment had reared its head so far into his life.

"Do I look as good as how I feel, darling?"

Until now.

Suddenly it felt like years of sickness had caught up with him, spun his head around and made his stomach curl.

It was a coincidence that this sickness would appear the second he laid eyes on Hisoka, wearing the suit that was fitted just for him.

It was a coincidence that he looked like all those marble statues in museums, sculpted in the image of gods and lovers.

It was a coincidence that this sickness could be swallowed and repressed like any measly feeling he had ever encountered.

"I told you to wear a shirt, maggot."

And the symptoms disappeared.

But the disease didn't.

----------------------------------------------------

Gon: Killua?

It had been quite a while since Killua had responded to any of Gons messages. Well, it had been about 2 hours. But compared to their normal pace of slinging messages at each other any passing minute, this felt like an eternity to the young boy. He wondered if he had done anything to upset his friend, though their last conversation was just usual banter about breakfast, snacks, and the new battle pass.

He fidgeted in his seat a bit more, the classwork Aunt Mito had supplied him with almost entirely forgotten. The now broken routine made his bones itch, but the attempt of any distraction just made him fear he'd miss when Killua would finally come back.

So, he waited.

He even started half-heartedly filling out the math quiz that had been taunting him from the corner of the desk, though he always glanced back at the computer screen.

Question number 27: (X-3)²-25= 0

Ping

Gon wasn't sure what to do first; Be thankful that finally Killua replied or be thankful that he found an escape from this hell called math.

Kil: Yo.

GON: Hey!!! Are you okay? :O

Kil: Yeah, whats up?

He was obviously not okay. But Gon knew that pressing the issue wouldn’t make things better, though if he pretended like everything was alright would just be an issue bottled up.

GON: Do you wanna play some Fortnite Duos maybe? We can try grinding for the new tiger costume you like :D

Kil: cant

Kil: my mom took my fucking PC away in attempt to become mother of the year

GON: :( im sorry!! But im sure she’ll give it back soon, right?

Kil: fat chance, I probably have to wait till my brother comes back from his stupid trip

Gon tilted his head in thought. This has probably been the longest Killua had ever talked about his family with him. Up to this point it had only been passing remarks about siblings whose actions and personalities melted into each other due to lack of discernible unique traits, and that his family was rich.

GON: How long is that going to be?

GON: Maybe your mom will calm down and change her mind <:(

Kil: lmao, maybe if id actually study now shed be satisfied enough

Kil: but theres no way in hell im going to give her what she wants

Kil: ESPECIALLY NOW

GON: So whatre you going to do??

Kil: idk

Kil: talk to you and think about how to set fire to this place?

The young boy smiled, though for some reason he could feel a knot tighten in his chest.

GON: How about only talking to me for now?

And they talked. For a couple of hours, they talked about Gons new streaming schedule, about how he wanted to have one dedicated day in the week solely for collaborations. They talked about a new exploit for Super Mario Sunshine that could potentially scrap 10 seconds off of the current World record if executed correctly. They talked about how Leorios medical-student VLOG channel had been trending again after he made a hypocritical video about the damages of energy drinks.

Kil: he could have at least cleaned the infamous pyramid out of frame…

GON: Haha he said that in hindsight too

GON: But I think it was his boyfriend who finally made him clean it up -v-“

Kil: must be nice to have someone living with you who gives a shit

Kil: I think at this point the housekeeper hasn’t even touched the minefield that’s my brothers room in months

GON: It can’t be that bad :”D

Kil: you bet?

Kil: what do you think, how much chip dust is needed for an anime figure to come to life?

The mental image of Killuas home slowly shifted in Gons mind again. A large mansion, bedrooms as big as some apartments, with individual housekeepers for everyone. And one room dedicated to imitating a postapocalyptic anime merch shop.

And somewhere in that large mansion, is a room probably equipped with a messy bed, a (now empty) desk and gaming chair, maybe some shelves with books and games. In the middle of it a slightly blurry figure, maybe a bit shorter than Gon, pale skin and messy hair and piercing bright eyes.

He had seen pictures of Killua, a handful of selfies taken at his desk, one picture his sister (who he’d mention the least from his mysterious family) had taken of him in front of a rose bush. And no matter how dimly lit the picture would be, or out of focus, or taken from a distance; His eyes were always the first thing Gon would focus on. At first, he was convinced that he was using a filter, there’s no way someone in real life would have eyes like that.

But Killua did. Killua hid electricity behind those eyes, dangerous and yet enticing, beaming with a life energy that can barely be contained. Gon had heard poems and songs about blue eyes, though none of them ever came close to describing eyes like these. Or the feeling Gon would get from looking at them, tingling in his fingertips, making him smile and giggle and stomp his feet. Kind of like getting a victory royale.

Gon has other friends besides Killua. But none ever made him feel the same way when they talked. He craved no one’s presence as much as he craved Killuas. And something inside him felt the constant urge to tell Killua that, to tell him how much he meant to him, what’s so amazing about him, how he didn’t want this friendship to end.

But that’s just not something friends would tell each other unprompted, and it’s not something that could easily told to Killua, who danced around the word “friends” as if it were a dangerous animal. So, he didn’t say anything.

Kil: gon?

Kil: did you fall asleep?

GON: No haha, I was just thinking about how huge your house must be!!

Kil: yeah its huge and ugly, sometimes way too loud, sometimes really fucking quiet

Kil: im sure it must be nicer in your home

GON: I mean, it is pretty nice, but its also a little lonely I think

GON: All my friends live closer to the city, so usually no one is around to just come outside and hang out :^T

Kil: if I could id fly over right now and you could show me all the gross spiders that rule your continent with 8 iron fists

GON: They aren’t gross!! Spiders are really fun once you get to know them :^D

GON: And you know, you’d always be welcome here, Aunt Mito would be thrilled to meet you ^^

And Gon meant it. Though Killua never let too much slip of his family life and surroundings, Gon could tell it was trouble, and he deeply wished he could give Killua even just a one-day break from whatever went down in that mansion.

Kil: since we are both home schooled, we wouldnt even need to wait for summer break or anything

GON: Right :^D And its not like either of us are big on studying either ^^”

Gon glanced briefly at the disregarded Math work and shuddered.

Kil: you mean it, right?

Kil: if I were to text you some time that im at an airport and im coming over, you wouldnt let me be stranded somewhere on your prison continent, right?

GON: Of course not!!!

GON: … but I’d prefer it if you give a heads up so I can clean my room :^D

Kil: thanks gon, I appreciate it

Kil: i appreciate you

Gon felt his heartrate skyrocket. Of course he’d let Killua stay, even if he rang at his door without any prior notice. Because even if it goes unsaid, Killua was his friend. Maybe even his best friend. And he’d do anything to keep him safe, or to just give him one minute that he doesn’t have to think about his family. He wanted to see those blue eyes reflect the Australian sun, free of worry and tension.

GON: I appreciate you, too

#hisoillu #killugon #Hunter X Hunter #killua zoldyck #gon freecss #hisoka marrow #illumi zoldyck #fanfiction #hxh fanfic #yeah this fic isnt dead fsdjgh

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transdib · 4 years

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im a bit shit and only come on here to vent these days and i know that doesnt really create a good look for me, but honestly a lot of shit just never ends and its hard to feel optimistic when thigns make me feel. the exact opposite right now lmao

i guess one little quick recap over the last year?

start of 2019 i moved in with one of my brothers back to our hometown, i moved out from my best friend’s house and it was actualy kinda a huge mistake lol cuz my brother put a lot of stress and pressure on me (hes a bit of a.....idk. hes autistic and i was happy to help him learn independence but he has a very anti-recovery mindset with his mental illnesses and is sorta emotionally toxic and expects the world to do everything he wants bc he sees himself as superior?) and it quickly became pretty toxic.

i was also in a real bad way not long into moving in cuz i was in my first fulltime job at a call centre and it. oh god guys. i was getting abused on the phone daily by customers (we handled customer enquiries specifically), then coming home to a toxic place + at the time i had 5 very needy very loud cockatiels who one by one were sorta added into me and my friend’s care when we lived together, they took half the birds i took the other half). so anyway, i was really not ok for a lot of last year, and something in me really fucken broke tbh. BUT i finally managed to quit that job, and lived off scraps for about a month, then yay got another job working at a dog daycare! i began house searching in september/october, cuz the toxicity with my bro was getting...too much. he would flip flop on me in really extreme ways and it really wasnt ok.

i struggled mostly because my cat maple was the biggest deal breaker for any potential housing situation (all my friends who needed a roommate already had cats, maple cannot be housed w cats). i was also struggling to pay rent lol....i managed to offload all but one of my cockatiels, my original one, but i was experiencing such a severe compassion fatigue by the end of 2019 that i just. i could not handle even just one bird. so earlier this year i made the really tough decision to surrender her to a bird rescue (who ive worked/helped with previously sorta)

anyway housing got pretty desperate, and i ended up having to take whatever i could get, and ive ended up living an hour from where i was with a friend and her partner. they have 2 indoor rabbits but we tried our luck with maple. unfortunately, after a while, she was just not adapting to even rabbits, and i made the equally tough decision to foster her out until i have more stabke housing. i was originally only meant to be living here for a year, until i could save up and move to england, but looks like thats not happening any time soon. i havent seen my friends properly in so long, i got to finally see maple last week which was awesome, but im sorta dealing with core aspects of my life being stretched thin across multiple places.

so ive sorta just been writing “whats been happening” and not as much “how ive felt about it” but like. this past year has been absolutely exhausting. i miss maple, and my bird yuki, and i feel absolutely terrible admitting i wasnt strong enough to stick it out with either of them. at least with mapel i get her back, and i can always see yuki when i volunteer, but god. shit really sucks man.

also i lost my dog daycare job today too cuz of...well...from my perspective “drama”, between me and the receptionist who handles my shift, but “other non-drama reasons” with my actual boss (just not having enough shifts cuz of c-vid)

anyway thats....pretty much the main shit thats been happening. i saw evren last august <3 and i did a lot of conventions last year, but im kinda glad i get to have a break from them this year. idk. good and bad aspects to this shit.

#life of doge #a lengthy update for anyone curious

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cloudtgfreewritingblog · 5 years

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My Opinion of Pewdiepie vs T-Series

Who hasn’t heard about it? The “battle for subscribers” to be the top subscribed channel on YouTube... it is a very popular subject. I’ve actually known about the subject because... I’ve occasionally spotted people in the comments section for many YouTube videos promoting either channel. And of course videos would occasionally appear in either the recommended or trending tabs related to those topics. So I had a relative idea that there was a battle going on for many months, but I never understood the context of the battle. Honestly, I hadn’t really paid any attention until like a month ago, and I did not want to get actively engaged in the highlights of the story until like 2-3 weeks ago. It wasn’t important to me back then. But it is now, that’s why I’m going to talk about what I’ve learned, and how my opinion has formed.

So before my awareness of the existence of the “battle”, I only knew the existence of Pewdiepie. I had originally subscribed to his channel back in 2014, mostly because I watched and liked his gaming collaborations with other YouTubers. I liked watching gaming videos with collabs, and after seeing his history of videos it made sense to watch him. As his channel transitioned to less gaming, I lost interest so I stopped subscribing to him. Not sure when that was, but it was probably around 2016... Probably. Idk. I don’t have a history book of every moment of my life, so I lack that information, but I know I unsubscribed. After that point, I almost never watched any video of his other than the occasional 2-3 in a year that would be very relevant to me. And I was aware that journalists were trying to frame him as a bad person, either being greedy or racist, based on who he was and the content on his channel... or occasionally based on what other people did.

So anyways, once the “battle” was being promoted, I didn’t initially notice it occurring. Sure, I might’ve seen comments on YouTube mentioning Pewdiepie vs. T-Series, but I kinda ignored them. Or rather, dismissed them. I didn’t really understand the meaning nor the context of the battle. And it wasn’t really that relevant to me. I also had absolutely no idea who or what T-Series was. To me, I just assumed it was another gaming channel. It’s kind of laughable that was what I thought it was. So... who is T-Series?

Obviously, Pewdiepie’s competition. Okay, bad joke aside, it turns out T-Series is actually an Indian music channel (not to be mistaken for Native American). In India, it’s known as a big music corporation. From my understanding of what I’ve read, India has been starting to transition to the online world, and the number of people with mobile phones has grown rapidly over the past several years. T-Series has been working with YouTube/Google, and so it isn’t surprising that its consistent rise in subscribers correlates with the amount of people in India being exposed to the online world. I do wonder if T-Series is just focused on being the top youtube channel that does music videos, or if it is interested in doing content that is more culturally globalized. Just as a side note, I know that it made a deal with Amazon back in 2016 to do some movie production, so I know that music isn’t its only service, but it is its primary service... at least as far as I’m aware.

Anyways, let’s get into the controversy. Yes, there is controversy, and there’s only a small amount because T-Series has not reached headlines over a span of years as Pewdiepie has. No surprise about that....

Anyways...

T-Series is a corporation whose goal must be to profit... because a business that cannot make money will lose money... and those who lose money will not survive. So it should not be surprising that I read an article from this past December about a story of T-Series trying to tax evade. In particular, Indian tax officials had come to T-Series because they were not paying taxes. After searching their documents, they learned that T-Series were storing their taxes in other places... like New Delhi... or the U.S..... Basically the purpose was to store them in another place like a tax haven. It was hard to understand the context of the article because I’m not certain on how tax havens work, but I think the article said that they had some employees have registered residences in other places, and used them as a place to store their money. I could be wrong in my understanding of the article that I read, but that’s besides the point. T-Series is acting just like any big, greedy corporation that I know of.

Of course, T-Series seems to have a shady background, but unfortunately the background of this information seems too.... empty... to bring up as relevant points, but I’ll mention it anyways. T-Series started up in the 1980s as a business selling pirated cassettes. Nice. Assuming this is true, that means that this corporation was making money off of the hard work that others created... Is my bias showing yet? Lmao.

Anyways, just putting in a side note that Pewdiepie’s recent video congratulating T-Series for passing him had mentioned that T-Series had sent him a cease and desist letter, basically accusing Pewdiepie of defaming T-Series. It’s a powerful initiative that corporations usually take to stop the actions of critics that have the power to give them negative press. I say powerful, because in the U.S. usually the next step would be some sort of litigation, or some lawful proceeding that would take place in some sort of court. A collaborator of Pewdiepie’s video had said (well I’m paraphrasing here) that the letter itself was just ridiculous, and the wording of the letter made them believe that T-Series doesn’t even know what defamation is. Of course, since at this time we don’t actually know what the letter actually says, there’s no way for us to determine if we can agree or disagree with their assessment.

There’s one more interesting piece of information regarding T-Series: they had removed Pakistani pop artists’ music from their channel. This was a reaction to the standoff of India and Pakistan... which are some military bombing skirmishes between the two countries which started in February. Due to this initiative by T-Series, the pop artists reacted by marching on their streets and telling people to unsubscribe to T-Series and subscribe to Pewdiepie. Ignoring the artists’ reaction, I wonder why T-Series acted the way they did? Now, if there were artists promoting bad music, it would make sense to remove just the music or the particular artist. But all of them? If this was the action of a single person, this would be considered racist and would have blown up. But it hasn’t. After all, this is a corporation. Their objective is to make money. As an Indian company, I’m guessing that they didn’t want to be involved with the politics surrounding the situation, and so they cut off their involvement with Pakistan. I wonder if it was worth the risk on their side...

But I’m more interested in talking about the man that has intrigued me for a long time. Pewdiepie.

Everyone wants to either love or hate Pewdiepie. For those that love him, he’s an entertainer, a gamer, a funny guy, a kind person. For those that hate him, he’s greedy, a racist... And what do I think? Well, honestly I have to separate the audiences to two types of people - the ones who are relaxed, chill, not serious; and then the others who are serious. So yea, the not serious people and the serious people. That’s who I think they are. The not serious people love pewds, and the serious people hate on him. The serious people tend to be goal-driven. These people have brought up controversies about Pewdiepie, and right now my objective is to debunk the theories... at least I’ll try to. I’ll probably fail though lol.

Proceeding onwards...

The first controversy is that Pewdiepie is greedy. Mainstream journalists would argue that he is money-driven. I’m sure that the Pewdiepie that started his YouTube channel, back when he was working at a hot dog stand, was thinking that he was going to get rich making a YouTube channel. Yea, he definitely only wants money, when over the past several years he has donated to several different charities, which the total monetary value accumulates to over a million dollars. I’m SO sure that T-Series has a similar record, despite the fact that there is no record of them ever donating to any sort of charity. The most recent charity that Pewdiepie has done... well hold the phone because I want to get into the next controversy or two before talking about it.

The second controversy is that due to the “battle of subscribers”, loyal fans of Pewdiepie decided to actively promote his channel. Some would do it in legal ways, some in questionable ways but not harmful... but a small number would do it illegally. Pewdiepie condemns these illegal actions. I mean, I definitely would if I was in his position. I would be acting out of self-interest because I wouldn’t want to cause myself more trouble, and I’d rather not cause trouble for someone who enjoys my content. Anyways, the worst happened about a month ago. I don’t want to go into the details, but a mass shooting took place, and the person responsible for it had been promoting the channel leading up to the event. The people who decide to illegally promote the channel are causing themselves trouble, and potentially giving mainstream journalists an excuse to blame Pewdiepie for the actions of others.

Realistically, Pewdiepie does not have any control over the action of others, especially if he does not directly communicate with them. At most, Pewdiepie could be considered a role model for his subscribers who adore him. So I can definitely believe that his existence will influence those that watch him. But journalists should not take that one single influence as the primary blame for the action of others. If Pewdiepie was truly promoting this bad behavior, wouldn’t we be seeing far more illegal actions on a global scale? Not just a few, not just dozens, but either hundreds, thousands, or tens of thousands a day? Obviously not. In my mind, I now personally believe that any attempts to attack Pewdiepie are goal-driven attempts to label him as a bad person.

Which brings me to the final controversy - he’s a racist... or so the mainstream journalists and the haters would say. They have the strongest evidence to push this type of propaganda, so that naturally makes it harder to argue against it. Naturally I’m the type of person who just wants people to get along, and doesn’t want anything to do with hate speech... Therefore, trying to defend Pewdiepie regarding this subject has to be the most annoying thing I’ve ever done. But it will definitely give myself a chance to know how to deal with this sort of subject in the future.

The evidence of the controversy lies within his videos. And just to clarify, the intent of Pewdiepie’s videos is to entertain, or to be funny. That’s the type of channel that he is. It isn’t a channel that people are supposed to take seriously. It should’ve been obvious from all the goofiness and childish screamings that anyone could see from his channel over the years. But anyways, in some of his childish schemes, he occasionally says things or does things that, in a different context, could be considered to be racist or offensive. It doesn’t really help him that he went on fiverr a while back to ask for some childish services. If it was for any context other than providing entertainment for his video, then his actions could definitely have been considered racist. That’s why it is understandable why some people providing services on fiverr did not provide their services, because they believed it would breach the service agreement. That’s not the only time people have labeled him as a racist.

Remember the diss-track video B****-Lasagna? I’m going to be honest, I’ve listened to music 2-3 weeks ago a few times, but I have absolutely no idea what is in the lyrics. However, knowing Pewdiepie, the intent is the same as always: be childishly funny to entertain his audience. It’s obviously not meant to be taken seriously. This didn’t stop haters and journalists from pointing it out. It also didn’t help that his subscribers starting acting like Pewdiepie, and started making jokes that could be seen as racist towards Indians. That’s why Pewdiepie made a bold decision. I’m betting he was worried that his subscribers would end up being divided. Remember how I mentioned that I would talk about another charity? Pewdiepie started a charity that would donate to a service for nine-year olds in India. I don’t really remember the details, but I recommend anyone interested researching the details yourselves. You won’t really find the details from haters or mainstream journalists.

Pewdiepie obviously is almost never serious, and is acting childish to be funny. I mean, who seriously wants to be serious? There are only a few videos that Pewdiepie tries to be serious, and when he does, he just can’t help but make a few childish jokes here and there. Probably because it’s hard for him to be serious. I think it’s fair to me to assess that for the most part he isn’t a serious person. I also think it’s fair for me to say that he doesn’t care about what happens to himself, but he worries about keeping his subscribers out of trouble when it is significant enough and relates to himself. Honestly, I cannot really find any bad intent from Pewdiepie.

So just getting back to T-Series real quick to summarize their controveries... They had tried to evade taxes to maximize their profits. As a person who despises the current system of economics in general due to my personal moral reasons, I generally consider corporations as bad because they do business with their consumers, but don’t give their fair share of taxes which are partially used to give back to the economy. As a company who started by selling pirated cassettes, I can’t really be surprised that their moral grounds are so low, or maybe they’ve never given this any sort of moral reasoning (this is my bad attempt at giving them a benefit of a doubt). Additionally, they sent that cease and desist letter to Pewdiepie. I don’t think that they’ve gotten any damages from anything Pewdiepie’s done now that I think about it. On the contrary, I think they’ve only gotten more subscribers, more money, more popularity and headlines... So I really don’t think they have a case for defamation. It just sounds like an attempt to make Pewdiepie stop or an attempt for them to get as much money as possible. Finally, they removed the Pakistani pop artists’ music videos from their channel due to the standoff between India and Pakistan. It could be understandable if they were obligated to do it due to politics, but honestly... it just makes no sense. There’s really no context to it. The real problem is that T-Series is just too big of a mystery and its actions are just too shady. There is really no historical context surrounding T-Series (at least outside of India).

As it stands, I support Pewdiepie far more than T-Series, which is why I subscribed to him 2-3 weeks ago... That was right before T-Series struggled over a few days trying to take 1st, before finally getting into first, only for Pewdiepie to release his final diss-track, and as of now pewds is ahead by over 150k. So that makes me feel pretty good about the situation.

Regarding T-Series... I’m going to treat it like any corporation or political entity. If it expects to be treated better than Pewdiepie, then honestly, it needs to express its humanity. I don’t even know what good things they do outside of their regular services. They really need to begin from scratch. Start by expressing its moral grounds, and base its business goals around its sense of morality. Secondly, start being more transparent... about everything. The more transparent, the better. If it’s got a good morality, being transparent would only benefit itself in the eyes of the public... And if it’s got a bad sense of morality... Well we’ll know because it’ll continue being shady and a mystery. I expect people that want to know the truth of T-Series to seriously start investigating everything they can about it. If T-Series is good, it’ll be naturally transparent and it’ll be easy to learn about it and its employees. If it isn’t, they’ll be hiding their secrets and it will require lawful investigations, like in the case of the tax officials, to learn about them.

So in conclusion, my opinion has been formed. Pewdiepie and T-Series have their controversies, but Pewdiepie’s can at least be reasonably explainable, while T-Series is just too big of a mystery. I’ll give my trust and subscription to the YouTuber that I’ve seen develop over the years, who I’ve seen grown as a person (albeit still regularly acting childish in his videos)... On the other hand, I’ll definitely be keeping a close eye on T-Series. The “battle for subscribers” will be continuing on for some time, and everyone wants to know who will reach 100 million first. Some of my time will be invested in observing this, so... yea..

P.S. Regarding sources, I’m too lazy to mention sources, but wikipedia is a good place to start... Pewdiepie vs T-Series... You’ll probably have to search for Pewdiepie charities somewhere else though, although I didn’t try his wiki page. Anyways, I’ve been working on this for 3 hours, time to rest... G’d day.

#sub to pewds #pewdiepie vs. t-series #congratulations

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gendertrader · 5 years

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Physical Weight - 266 lb Height - 5′9″ Age - 24 25 mg Aldactone 1 month, 50 mg Aldactone 1 month

Because this is the first month that I’m ‘fully’ (due to reports suggesting that passing 100 mg may not be as effective as previously thought) on Aldactone, from here forward, I will report this as my first month.

Skin

Hair (body/head) [hairline, texture, thickness] I have noticed an increase in the amount of head hair that has fallen out over the past month. This was not initially expected, but after some review of anecdotal reports, this is not uncommon. Not enough has been lost to make it visible, but I will keep an eye out.

Face [hairline, cheekbones, facial hair, eyebrows, eyes, acne, skin] I have not noticed much change in facial structure as of yet, which is to be expected, but I’ve started wearing mascara more regularly and I’ve had an increase in acne, specifically around my chin, but it hasn’t been too bad. I’m interested to see how this changes as I was not a particularly acne-ridden teenager. I have started trimming my beard a little differently to further act as contour, and its growth has started to have a more significant effect on my mental health.

Body [fat, taste, libido, hair, calves, nail growth, testes, temperature] I have seen little to no fat redistribution (unsurprising as it often takes up to 3 months of a full hormone regimen to start seeing real changes), but there may be a hint of gynecomastia from the aldactone. I’m also learning to hold my body differently so as to accentuate the breast tissue, so any changes I’m seeing could self-influenced. I have noticed a clear increase in sugar, specifically chocolate, and salt cravings. I have started incorporating a shake of iodized salt during meals to prep for this month, when I anticipate experiencing much stronger cravings. I have seen mental health changes (please see mental health section for additional thoughts), which I imagine have contributed to the sugar cravings. Libido is...something. I haven’t started fully experiencing the loss of libido caused by anti-androgens, but I seem to be getting it in waves that sort of follow my typical ‘horniness fluctuation’ if you will. The primary difference is that everything is stronger: when I’m horny, I’m h o r n y but I can also go weeks at a time without masturbating and the sight of a hard dick does next to nothing for me. I’m interested to see how this progresses. Despite taking a daily 10,000 mcg dose of biotin, I’ve seen a decrease in nail growth speed and a slight decrease in nail strength. I used to be able to keep them rather long (good for painting, etc.) but they’ve been short for almost two weeks now (after I removed the pink fake nails pictured above) and little to no growth has occurred. Finally, and I’m not sure that this is due to Aldactone, I’m having a more difficult time properly digesting food. Part of me believes it’s due to my wearing high-waisted women’s jeans every day, which press on a part of my abdomen that isn’t usually compressed and could potentially disrupt flow of digestion through the stomach, but it occurs even when I’ve not worn those specific pants all day. I suppose this warrants additional observation.

Mental/Emotional Brain Fog I’m creating a new category specifically to mention brain fog. I have definitely seen an increase in what I must assume is the brain fog for which I see so many reports. To me, it feels like when you’ve been high for a really long time and finally start coming down - almost as if there’s a layer of thought that has been suppressed and you have to focus just a little more than usual to process the things happening around you. I imagine that, for somebody who has never been high, this could be rather disconcerting and difficult to navigate. Fortunately, I’ve been smoking for about 2 years straight as this point, so I have very little trouble living with a little bit of brain fog for now. I will make an update if I notice an increase in fog from 50 to 100 mg.

Depression There has been a slight but definite increase in depression symptoms. It feels like it’s primarily due to the energy-sapping quality of Aldactone, and less like I’m extra sad all the time, but the sadness-depression has increased somewhat as well. I imagine this is due to the fact that I’m no longer actively repressing my understanding of self as a transfeminine individual, so the masculine qualities that I dislike are starting to stand out more. Some examples of these include my beard (I used to go 1-2 weeks without shaving as I am a depressed graduate student and don’t always have the time/energy to shave, but I’m now shaving around twice a week), my face (a couple times while really high and having removed my glasses, I’ve seen Alex as she can be with estrogen but it usually lasts for minutes at a time, so I’m then immediately reminded that I do not look like this - clearly the typical trans experience, but I didn’t think it would be this strong for me and it feels like it’s only the beginning, so I’m strapping up), or my internal experience of being alive (it /feels like/ I’m on testosterone, and sometimes that just gets the best of me; during those times, I have to remind myself that wanting to be a girl is a symptom of being a girl. It’s then that it feels like I’m getting a taste of the true Trans Experience and I have to code switch into thinking how lucky am I to have so much room to grow which only helps a little but that’s more than nothing). I had a few boy days recently, which were nice because everything matched up, but it was somewhere closer to 3 or 4 days out of the month so I’m less worried about my boy days interfering with my transition. Finally, as I’ve stated before, even without the effect of the Aldactone, or the drain of coming out to everybody around me, or the strain of an actual social transition, it’s exhausting. Because I choose every day to take this medication that continues to bring me one step closer to my ideal self, I also inevitably must at least briefly consider what I am doing and the changes I hope to see, which is much more introspection on this topic than I’ve wanted to do for a while. I’m nervous that friends are going to find out before I’m ready (I’m in my final months of my master’s program so there’s no reason in my mind to attempt a social transition yet as I have other very difficult things to do already (I have a conference in which I present at the end of the month and I have to finish data collection and create a poster; I have to collect data for my thesis before analyzing said data and completing my master’s thesis before the April 22 (I think???) deadline so I can graduate on time; I have to find a job (lmao this is so difficult brb crying), which will include a million applications and half a million job interviews; I have to complete 2 additional manuscripts for publication (again, once data collection is completed); and I have to move to wherever I eventually get a job) and I don’t need a social transition piled on top because I’m already barely staying afloat as it is.

Anxiety There may have been a very slight increase in anxiety near the middle to end of the month, but I had also been on the same strain of weed for a while, so I wasn’t taken off guard at all.

#mine #updates #transition #trans #transgender #transfem #transfeminine #genderfluid #nonbinary #enby #fem-aligned nonbinary #fem-aligned enby #aldactone #spironolactone #hrt #diy hrt

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diarrheaworldstarhiphop · 6 years

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Hey Pratty babe, I wanted to ask a few questions about the amazon wage hike thing (I swear I’m not Bezos or an Amazon PR guy lol). So, I’m many states, the state minimum wage is not much more than the federal minimum ($7.25/hr), whereas some states have a state minimum of $15 already. So, if you live in a state where the minimum is already $15, that sucks, but amazon at least increased the salary by $1. If you lived elsewhere, say Oregon, and your wage went from $11.25 to $15/hr, you’re looking

(2/?) you’re looking at a pay increase of $3.75/hr, or about $7800 more in a year. If your monthly bonus was $650 or more before, then yeah you’re losing money, but that’s assuming you get that bonus every month. I’m only 22 (so inexperienced and stupid), but I’ve been working minimum wage jobs since I was 16. I’m a hard worker, so I could usually advocate for performance-based raises or bonuses, but there’s no one more creative than an employer justifying now giving you a merit-based raise.(3/3) As such, isn’t a guaranteed wage from an increased hourly rate better for the lower-tier workers than the promise of a potential bonus, especially when those bonuses could be slashed or taken away entirely at the drop of a hat? I work for tips, I know it’s a bit stressful not knowing how much you’re gonna make in a month, so I would think at the very least the increased financial security would be a good thing for worker mentality, especially when it means not appeasing a boss to get paid

Yea, the bonuses are nice, but its not like you can budget ahead for months predicated on working at 110% 7 days a week, for the whole year. The bonuses incentivize productivity above your pay grade, some of them involved being given ONLY if the entire warehouse hit a target, which is like. next to impossible. Unless like, EVERYONE starts peeing in bottles to maximize productivity. lol

And also, of course, the loss of stock equity. which is like, you dont get to have a stake in the growth and profit of the company anymore also.

Anyway, the minimum wage hike (by paying for it via slashing bonuses) is mostly political. To put ice on bad publicity as well as broadside efforts to unionize both at Amazon and in Whole foods, which it just acquired (forces union supports to find a new rallying cry around besides the fight for 15).

But additionally, it give amazon leverage against competitors to fill on new hires for seasonal work (christmas is coming up!) and retain them as amazon increases automation.

And the political nature of the raise is working. even bernie sanders praised it, which is like , lmao dude. Spoken like a tru guy who has never worked a real job a day in his life

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onlyjihoons · 6 years

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youtuber!jungkook

a/n; honestly,, jk’s gcf in tokyo gave me ideas and i just jskdmsozkw(and please forgive me for my suckass moodboard skills colour coordinating is hard)

jungkook wanted to have a side job after many years in the idol world

other than helping hoseok w his dance studio

so he decided to be a youtuber, which he lowkey enjoys doing

he likes being behind the camera, more than being on camera

except sometimes where he does prank videos on taehyung or dance videos as 3J(jhope,jimin,jungkook)

the content on his channel is pretty messy tbh, sometimes dance covers, dance tutorials, cooking tutorials, travelogues, vlogs etc

every member would at least be guesting in 1 of jungkook’s videos

meokbang w seokjin, composing w yoongi or namjoon, dancing w hoseok and jimin, pranks w taehyung

editing is honestly on point?? and will meticulously list down the places he went to, the bgm he uses for his videos, camera used and editing software

reached 1 million subscribers in a week so youtube gave him the silver and golden play button at the same time LOL

now,, you first met jungkook at a really quaint cafe in osaka

you were surprised to see jungkook in japan in his free time

you knew of bangtan and you liked their music and members, but you werent really a diehard fan of them either

you, a travel writer/show producer(think buzzfeed), was dispatched to osaka to find eating recommendations to readers and perhaps have a potential Worth It episode

you were just minding your own business, typing away on your laptop when someone tapped on the table

you looked up, and nearly gasped because,, bangtan’s jungkook?? wow

jungkook spoke some stuff in japanese which you couldnt understand but by the looks of it he was prolly asking if the seat across you was taken

you shook your head, as he shot you a grateful smile and settled into the seat

you took some short glances at jungkook, and he was busy looking through some pictures on his dslr

you knew your friend being a big fan of jungkook, you discreetly took you your phone and took a picture of him,, until the clicking sound of the camera went off loudly and startled him

you cursed under your breath and apologised,, he just giggled and you were confused??

“b-by a-any chance are you bts’ jungkook?”

“yes i am, do you want a picture?”

“n–no m–my friend–”

“its okay! im not on official schedule anyway^^”

hin being so smilely and open about it made you feel really bad honestly, he looked really invested in his pictures

in the end, you did have a picture with him and his signature on the cafe’s napkin

below his signature was a few numbers scribbled on it, with “nice to meet you, y/n-ssi! i hope to be in your buzzfeed article soon;)”

you were like,, wait…he knows me??

jungkook actually reads buzzfeed articles and his favourite ones always come from you

thats how the both of you met

fast forward a few months later

the both of you are a couple

it was hard for jungkook to keep it under the wraps honestly but it was a good decision because hiding is never easy

the both of you would buy an apartment together and live together

a really huge step for a couple of like,, 1 year LOL but jungkook insists on it, he didnt want you to commute 2 hours to work

just a simple, 3 room apartment in gangnam

1 room for you and jungkook, 1 room as a “filming studio” and the other for work/editing

you do use the filming studio quite alot due to the need to take nice photos of food

jungkook helps you of course,, by eating it

cooking videos now have you as a featured guest

jungkook actually listens very well and the dishes come out better than you expected

but when the camera is off, jungkook is clingy af even when youre just checking the cookies in the oven

“baaaabe”

“hmm?”

“i love you”

“i love you too, jungkook”

“more than food?”

“uH”

on travel vlogs, jungkook would take you around to places the fans recommend him to go to

and will film you but youre always shy

“i have no makeup on please nooooo”

“i love you the best without makeup and youre beautiful without it shut up”

even when the both of you are just at hongdae for some shopping jungkook will film you with his phone too?? honestly a personal paparazzi lmao

but all those clips come to use during a video montage for your anniversary and you cried alot

will actually do embarrassing stuff like, girl group dances, my girlfriend does my makeup

because the fans want it, and he just wants you to be part of his channel too, because youre a big part of his life that keeps him happy and sane

#jeon jungkook #jungkook scenarios #bts scenarios #bangtan scenarios #bts #bangtan #bts imagines #bts fluff #bangtan imagines #yoongi #seokjin #namjoon #hoseok #jimin #taehyung #fluffy writes

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kayliemusing · 3 years

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Survey 6

Put your music player of choice on shuffle and list the first 10 songs - Betty by Taylor Swift - Broken by Lovelytheband - Make Me (Cry) by Noah Cyrus - One More Weekend by Against The Current - When We Were Young by Adele - Honestly by Gabbie Hanna - Carousel by Melanie Martinez -Brokenhearted by Karmin - Ashes by Celine Dion - Lover by Taylor Swift

If you could spend a week anywhere in the world, where would it be and why? Would you take anyone with you? - I’d love to go to NYC, because it’s a place I’ve always wanted to go and it seems so inspiring and lively there. I’d take my mom and sister with me.

What is your preferred writing implement? (eg. Blue pen, pencil, green pen) - Blue or black pen, and I like for my ink to feel super flowy and smooth.

Favourite month and why? - I love December because of Christmas time but I also really like May because the sun feels so much brighter and it’s starting to warm up.

Do you have connections to any celebrities (even minor)? List them. - When I was a kid, my dad’s cousin knew Michael J Fox.

Name 3 items you could pick up from where you are. - My phone, my notebook, and my headphones.

What brand logo is closest to you currently? - Asus (the computer I’m currently using. Don’t know about a “logo” tho. Just a brand name.)

Do you ever play board games or other non-computer games? Got any favourites? - YES. I’m obsessed with matching games on my phone. Right now I love My Home, Property Brothers, and Design Matters. I love them because they make me not think and then when you win levels you get to decorate your home which I find totally fun.

A musical artist you love that isn’t well known - Of Monsters and Men. I think they’re a little known, but not overly. One of my fav bands of all time.

A musical artist you love that is well known - Taylor Alison Swift

What is your desktop background currently? - A portrait of trees in the mist

Last person you talked to, and through what you talked to them - My mom and we talked in person.

First colour name you can think of that isn’t in the rainbow - White

What timekeeping devices are in the room you are currently in? - My phone, computer I’m currently using, and my switch.

What kind of headphones do you use? - The apple ones that came with my phone.

What musical artists have you seen perform live? - Lmao the Jonas Brothers when I was 10 and Marianas Trench when I was 15.

Does virginity matter to you? - Yes, but I don’t care what others choose to do.

What gaming consoles do you or your family own? - Switch, WiiU and PS4

What pets do you have? What are their names? - 2 Siamese cats, Archer and Misty.

What’s the best job you’ve ever had? - Sephora as a cashier, which I’m currently at. Obviously it’s not a dreamboat but they’ve treated me the best and I’m not totally miserable there.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever had? - Chapters. I feel like it had potential to be a good job, but I was in a really bad place so I feel like I didn’t perform to the best of my ability, but in saying that, they also lacked community there. I could go in and out of that store during my shift and no one would say hi or bye to me. I didn’t have any work friends, and I found management not that nice. Whereas at my job now, it has its flaws but I do feel like we’re kind of a family which I never would have expected because of my experience at chapters.

What magazines do you read, if any? - I don’t read magazines unless it’s an article about Taylor Swift because I love her lol

Inspiration behind your URL? - I have three blogs, so the inspiration for this one was just to the point; I do surveys. My main blog @autumnsletters was inspired because I love words and love letters and autumn so I just threw them together and then my Taylor Swift inspired blog where I geek out about Taylor was inspired by a lyric from a song called I Think He Knows. (@sixteenavenue)

Inspiration behind your blog title? - For this blog, it’s a spin on a Taylor Swift song called All You Had To Do Was Stay where I just inserted the word survey, not that smart lmao. On my main blog my title is “Give you my wild” which is from a song called Peace from Taylor, and then on my Taylor blog, it’s “You’re not my homeland anymore” which is from her song Exile. So I’m very Swiftian.

Favourite item of clothing? - My turtle neck sweater from Dynamite. (I bought three just in diff colours but my favourite is the red one.)

Are you friends with any exes? - I don’t have exes, but I always find it kinda weird when people are friends w their exes because I feel like you can’t come back to friendship once you’ve crossed the line but what do I know.

Name at least one book you loved as a child. - I’ll Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. (I think that’s the title but I’m not totally sure.)

What’s your native language? If that language has distinct regional variations, which variation? (eg. AU English, US English) - US English

What email service do you use? - Gmail

Is there anything hanging on the walls of the room you are currently in? - I’m in the family room so there’s a few things. Some canvas’s of random patterns, shelves, a nyc painting, and then a big rustic canvas of a bible scripture.

What’s your favourite number, and why? - 22, because of Taylor has a song called 22 (surprise surprise) and it’s also doubles and an even number which I like.

Earliest moment in your life you can remember? - I always have this random, very faint memory of being in this double stroller with my sister when I was probably 2 or 3 and she was in the seat in front of me and I was in the back and my parents were behind me talking and it was sunny outside.

What did you have for dinner yesterday? - Chinese!

How often do you brush your teeth? - Morning and night. Sometimes I escape to bed before brushing my teeth if i’m super tired but definitely every morning.

What’s your favourite candy/chocolate? - Maltesers

Have you had other blogs on Tumblr? Do you have any other blogs currently? - Yes, I talked about them just a few questions ago. I have this one, my main, and my Taylor inspired one lol. My main blog has gone through a series of phases throughout the years lol.

If you were suddenly really hungry, what would you choose to eat? - I like to go for easy to grab food. So bagels, muffins, cereal. Something super quick.

What fandoms would you consider yourself a part of? - Swiftie and A Court of Thorns and Roses fandom

If you could study anything, what would it be? - English and Communications, but I’ve always stayed away even though I’ve wanted to study those because I’m terrified of public speaking and I also feel like I’m not quite smart enough. Sad but true.

Do you use anything on your lips? (eg. Chapstick, gloss, balm, lipstick) - I like wearing Fresh watermelon lip balm when I’m not wearing makeup or I have my mask on. Generally when I have a full face of makeup on, I gravitate to lipsticks or lipstains.

How would you describe your sense of humour? - Dry/self deprecating and sarcastic.

What things annoy you more than anything else? - Kanye

What kind of position are you in at the moment? - I am sitting on my couch with my legs stretched out in front of me and resting on the coffee table.

Do you wear much jewellery? - I never wear jewelry but I’d like to start wearing necklaces and getting my ears pierced so I could wear earrings again.

Who is the leader of your country, currently? Any other levels of government with leaders? (State, region, province, county, district, municipality, etc) - Trudeau

Last 3 blogs on your dashboard, not including any of your own - I won’t name them, but one was a Taylor related blog, one was a writing blog, and another was a literature blog.

What do you carry your money in? - My wallet/debit card

Do you enjoy driving? Why or why not? - I don’t mind driving, but I’m obsessed with other people being angry at me for some reason so sometimes driving is stressful if I make a mistake or when people are behind me, I’m constantly checking my rear view mirror so they won’t think I’m bad at driving. It’s dumb, I know.

Longest drive you have ever been on? - When I was a kid and we drove to BC and stopped at literally every freaking town on the way there.

Furthest away from home you have ever been? - Victoria BC

How many times have you moved house? - Once and I was like four lol

What is on the floor of the room you’re currently in, not including furniture? - A blanket, suitcase that needs to be put away, some cords from the lamps, and a random canvas that hasn’t been hung up yet.

How many devices do you own which can access the internet? - Four, I think.

Is there is anything that is guaranteed to always make you happy? - Feeling creative and Taylor Swift music. Money, too lmao

Is there anything that always makes you sad? - Books where the two people pining for each other don’t get/stay together, getting super existential, seeing homeless people on the street, thinking about my dad who passed away.

What programs do you currently have open? - Tumblr and Word, because I’m avoiding writing because I don’t know what to say.

What do you associate the colour red with? - Taylor Swift lol. But also Christmas and passion.

Last strong smell you can remember smelling? - My garlic knots coming out of the oven <3

Last healthy thing you ate? - One (1) apple slice lmao

Do you drink tea or coffee, and how much per day? - Neither, both are gross.

What do you associate the colour blue with? - Sadness or gloom, usually.

How long is the closest ruler you can find? - I don’t think we have a ruler and if we do, it’s in a drawer upstairs somewhere and I don’t feel like digging for it.

What colour pants/skirt/etc are you currently wearing? - White sweats.

When was the last time you drank water? - Probably yesterday yikes.

How often do you clear your browser history? - Never.

Do you believe nude photos can be artistic, rather than erotic? - I guess it could be interpreted that way, but nude photos just kinda annoy me.

Ever written fanfiction for anything? - Yes and I’m not telling you for what.

Last formal event you attended - Oh, I don’t even know. It’s been YEARS. Probably my cousin’s wedding way back when in 2014.

If you had to move your birthday to another date, which one would you choose and why? - December 13 so I could have matching birthdays with Taylor Swift

Would you prefer to be at a beach or in the countryside? - Countryside. I hate the beach. The idea is nice, but I hate feeling hot and then I’m surrounded by people with nice bodies and I’ll just start to hate myself, and I never feel like I can wear the summer clothes I want to so it just makes me spiral.

Roughly how many people live in your town? - I have no clue. Thousands maybe.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? - Yes. A girl I went to school with and also Jensen Ackles and Justin Bieber

Favourite place to shop? Can be a certain store or a place where there are multiple stores - Dynamite and Colourpop.

Do you have a smartphone? What kind? If you don’t, do you want one? - I have an iPhone 11 Pro.

What is your least favourite colour, and why? - Navy blue, because it’s ugly.

How do you spell grey/gray? - G R E Y

Go to your dashboard and describe the image shown in the radar section (below the “Find blogs” link) - N/A

What difference is there between how many followers you have, and the number of blogs you follow? - I have 1,374 followers and I follow 1,969 blogs.

How many posts do you have? - Good lord. Too many.

How many posts have you liked? - Not sure.

Do you post mainly reblogs, or your own content? - Mostly reblogs and occassionally I share my writing but I do this thing where I share my writing and I get 2 notes and then I start re reading my writing over and over until I hate it and delete it and fall down this spiral of shame.

Do you track any tags? - no

What time is it currently? - 6:17 pm

Is there anything you should be doing right now? - I’m supposed to be writing because I’m trying to turn it into a routine so I can be more successful with it, but I’m avoiding it because I get so overwhelmed with how little I’m writing/what I’m writing/not knowing what to say, etc.

#survey

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christinamirabilis · 7 years

Text

So it’s 2:56am and my dumb ass is still awake. I was pretty hungover today cos I got really drunk last night for the first time since March, so I slept until 3pm. Going to try to go to bed soon - I don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow but I want to start on the things I have planned for these holidays.

I had two things that I needed to do that I was dreading - I did one and it wasn’t too bad, but the other thing I need to do is much, much worse: something that, last time I had to do it, ended with me nearly killing myself, nearly ending up being sectioned, and not eating a single bite of food for over three weeks. So, like, I’m really hoping that I’m not going to be triggered like that again, and I do have a plan about how to tackle it, but it still scares the shit out of me. So anyway, my goal this week is to do that thing, or at least take steps toward doing that thing.

I’m also going to do a risky thing tomorrow. I know I’m being super vague here haha, but this thing, I don’t want to talk about it because if the risk doesn’t pay off then I don’t want to talk about it. And the consequences of it not paying off are non-existent - things will just continue to be the way they are. But, yeah, it has long term risks too, I guess, but all things worth risking normally do, and the potential rewards still outweigh the risks.

I also plan to start my application for clinical this week, and make a time to get a coffee with the girl I know who is in the clinical program at Vic already, who has offered to look over my application and give me an idea of what the interview will be like.

Tomorrow (today) is also the day that I plan to give up soda. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it is a huge deal - most people on here that know me IRL know that I have long been addicted to soda, mostly coke: diet coke when I was deep in my eating disorder, and, over recent years, full-sugar coke. It is tremendously, tremendously difficult to give up, way more so than cigarettes, which, while I have smoked on and off for years now, I never struggle with once I have stopped. I haven’t had a cigarette since early April, and I have only the odd fleeting craving - and I managed to get through some serious heartache and end-of-semester stress without starting again.

But coke is something else - I have given up coke only once, for either six months or a year, I can’t remember - but I didn’t give up soda completely, so, while I probably didn’t drink soda every day like I do now, I was still drinking it. This is going to be a lot harder because I am going to give up ALL soda, cold turkey. What makes it harder is that I consume at least 440mL of coke every day, sometimes more (today I had 880mL, because I was hungover). Given that that’s my only source of caffeine, I find that I have a headache on days that I don’t drink coke. So that’s another source of difficulty.

BUT I have found recently that I’ve been getting very uncomfortable and persistent heartburn. It’s not something that I’d ever even experienced until this year, but now it happens all the time. I find that it tends to happen more when I’m stressed, but it is DEFINITELY related to how much soda I’m drinking. And, given the damage that I have done to my stomach (and my liver and kidneys and heart and probably brain too lmao) from half a dozen overdoses, combined with periods of bulimia and the amount of soda I drink, it’s probably not surprising.

But the main thing is that I’m really really unhappy with the way I look at the moment. I feel fatter than I’ve ever felt before, I have maybe three items of clothing in which I don’t feel completely disgusting, and I need to do something about it. I also have PCOS, which involves insulin resistance - so that’s making things worse and probably means I’m headed towards diabetes if I don’t do something.

In my experience, I’m no good with serious dieting or exercise regimes. It goes too far, I end up in an eating disorder episode which negatively affects every aspect of my life, and after I manage to wrench my mind back from its grasp I end up gaining all the weight back and then some, and damaging my metabolism even further (and my kidneys and heart and whatever else). Plus that makes me not mentally-healthy, and I want to maintain being mentally-healthy because I really want to be a frickin clinical psychologist. But yeah, I just don’t know how to diet healthily. So what I’m going to do is cut the soda out completely. I’m also going to start doing some of those 7 minute workouts that there are dozens of apps for in the Apple store - I figure that I should be able to make myself do 7 goddamn minutes of exercise, in my own room, per day. It’s not a huge amount - 7 minutes of exercise and no soda. But it’s a huge amount more than what I’m doing now, and I feel like cutting the soda will cut my sugar intake in half, at least.

So that should make me start to lose weight, and from there I’ll look at subtly changing the rest of my diet - which isn’t too terrible when you take soda out of the equation, but it could do with some tweaking - but not too much, and maybe consider taking up my doctor’s offer of going onto Metformin next time I see her, which will probably be in about five weeks cos I think that’s when I next need to get a script for my meds. I’ll know what to do once I know whether or not the no-soda-and-a-tiny-amount-of-exercise is doing anything. And if not I guess I’ll kill myself or become a dedicated full-time anorexic. Haha. I’m mostly joking.

TL;DR - gonna do some challenging stuff over the next few weeks. But also I’m probably going to do nothing tomorrow except lie in bed and continue to rewatch season 6 of Game Of Thrones and wish I had a can of coke, and plan out how I’m going to tackle these goals.

#lottieface

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