#idk im a geek and i love peter sorry to anyone that chooses to read this <3

[phvnthom]

Lately (and pretty much always) I keep coming back to the idea of Peter as a martyr, particularly sainthood and how that pertains to him— how that idea pretty much overtakes everything in his life and corrupts it into something that isn't his own, because the mantle requires so so much and Peter has so very little to give back. So, of course he does the more (altruistically) "logical" thing... which in turn, only traps him further into that vicious cycle because all Peter ever had to give away was himself.

And he pays for it. Over and over and over again. Forever. Until the end of time. Maybe even beyond it. That's his role. What he was made to be. To take on the burdens of everyone else and to take and say nothing in return— for him to just accept it and assume this larger than life role when (most times) all it ever brings him is anguish, and misery, and chaos, and destruction, and inescapable guilt, and even more sparsely, outright ridicule.

No one thanks him.

Peter is just the personification of this repeating notion that nothing is inherently owed to heroes, even when they sacrifice themselves and their personhood to save something that, at its core, is eternally unsalvageable. There is no end to that duty or sacrifice. He fights for something that will always outlive him. It's absolute devotion to the belief that humans— his people, and thus humanity as a whole— are worth saving and that that belief should be honored. It's his responsibility, after all.

So he honors it. Even when it takes everything from him.

Even when the cost is simply too much... the torment is worth it. The sense of loss and grief are worth it. Peter loses in innumerable ways, and it's never in the same way twice... and yet, it just doesn't stop him. Peter never lets that horrible realization keep him from fulfilling what the universe has demanded of him.

The act of being a martyr, the sacrifice, the turmoil, the sense of duty and the dead you feel indebted to. Your life— giving away your life for them— is the repayment of that oath and he can never escape it. Because if not him, then who?

Peter's entire life is just this over and over and over again:

And this picture below, while it initially has nothing to do with it, I immediately saw it and thought of Peter— of being buried and almost beaten down, mangled and dying from the role and life that was pushed on to him, and still trying to live and be a person through it. That he's trying desperately to escape and he still has some fight left in him. That even when he's broken and almost crushed underneath everything, he'll break free, and crawl, and dig himself out of his own grave... and he has.

Everything about Peter is so inherently tragic.

Something beautiful and powerful to be looked at and mourned in the aftermath of its slaying, but not worthy enough to save in life, because offering up the sacrificial lamb for slaughter IS the point.

He's the champion. The little guy. The underdog. Humanity's best. The saint among men.

And even more heart wrenching is the knowledge that hardly anyone ever tends to him both in and outside of the suit. In a way, his suffering is solitary in nature. It's his burden— to carry it, to experience the despairing loneliness that comes with it— and though many can lighten it for him, no one can ever truly take it away. The closest anyone comes to doing that is through MJ.

She surpasses what a usual love interest should be. In fact, at times, she's not so much a character than she is another narrative tool to convey how desperately in need of saving and understanding Peter is. She's the mortal woman, the only one who shows him unconditional love (besides May and even that, the love of a "mortal mother" upon a "transcendent holy son," and raising said son who is not truly hers, and guiding him through that duty) and all MJ ever does is stand beside him. She can't help him. She can love him, mourn him, be a pillar for him to lean on and seek relief/shelter, but she can never take what was given to him from him. She is the one who holds the saint's hand, but cannot divert him from his fate.

There's so much more in relation to this— too much— and this is all such surface level analysis, but it's just something that is so pervasive in all of Peter's storylines and so inherently tied to his character that it's pretty hard not to notice it. Peter is just continuously elevated to this... level that no ordinary man should ever be placed at. But he is. And it just drives me absolutely insane. It's horrifying, it's amazing. I love it and it pains me all the same.

#these thoughts are old but i literally think about this all the time #peter is just a martyr and a saint and eternally damned all at once #it's all that catholic guilt baby— well he's protestant but still #i mean yeah he's an atheist and a major hater but he's also my babygirl and that's all that matters #idk im a geek and i love peter sorry to anyone that chooses to read this <3 #marvel #peter parker #Spider-Man #spiderman