#idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd

[kavehater]

I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

#There’s this specific part of the song #It srsly alters my brain chemistry #Anyways #i hate tumblr sm #Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm #No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much #Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely #Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D #The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏 #Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it #The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc #To show her how messy it was …. #I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone … #Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th #Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious #And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei #It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking #To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I #Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia #And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games #All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car #Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke #Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon #Like me go mad with all these things #Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up. #dora daily #Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable #Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more #Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing. #Essay tags 😻😻😻

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to #place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like #LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee #so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of #people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take #a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM) #the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore #ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team #but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up #graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made #my adhd brain go WELL SHIT #ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do #love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving #people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt #but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel #amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou #life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i #just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive #but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present #and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now #on a positive note... #my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made #a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little #im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor #i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it #but damn it im tired #thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave #if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you #please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i need to just sit down and not stand up until this phd proposal is written #i cant focus. im too tired #literally its only one page and the topic is cool as fuck. not that hard to write #but im tired 😫 and ive got other things i also have to do #ugh im too deep into my burnout phase #i think abt the past version of myself and it makes me tired. u do work all day then happily go transfer algae for 3hrs? how? #i say happily but thats a lie. i sometimes walked into the building on the verge of tears. but like i still did it so idk #sigh... i just need to get thru applying to places and pray that they all accept me so i can choose where i wanna go #im just so tired tho. #photosynthesis! fucking the power to harvest the suns energy! god i wish that were ne #me. just throw me into a puddle of ooze. let me be reclaimed by the cyanos. i dont wanna take measures on them anymore #not with the machines i have now. im not strong enough. idk i think something irreparably broke on my head in the spring #last time i was taking measurements and im gonna have like 3 months straight worth of samples. which given my track record. does not bode #well at all. but maybe itll be fine. maybe i wont drive myself to the edge of sanity #we have 2 sampling trips pending in the next 2 weeks. im v nervous abt the 2nd bc im worried itll be idaho all over again #everytime i do field work now i feel like im losing my mind. somethings broken and i dont kno how to fix it #let this be a lesson kids. dont overwork urself. dont push and push until u collapse #bc all the color drains from the world and suddenly ur just doing things that feel pointless #ugh. i should sleep. but my brain wont let me #maybe ill just lay down all day tomorrow. maybe maybe maybe #unrelated

[pepprs]

ok. it’s election day. i worked until like 11:30 last night and slept horribly and now it’s 7 and im going to be on campus working from like 9am-12:30am tonight. i wish i could say let’s do this thing but i just feel defeated and exhausted. but hopefully it’ll be a good day and i’ll get some strength

#purrs #i don’t even know what to say axtually. like i wish i felt good about this and proud of all the work we’ve done etc etc and like i am im not #saying im not. but im just so tired and sad bc what is on my mind this morning is how everyone let us down including ourselves and whatever #happens tonight is going to be a result of that. which is horrible of me. like omg i need to be strong and positive and hopeful bc ppl are #going to need to look to me as a beacon of hope but i don’t feel hopeful and i don’t feel unhopeful i just feel all consuming exhaustion #i love my job. i really do. but the last few weeks and months since redacted left have been so fucking hard and ive been suppressing it all. #and just plowing forward and taking on whatever i can and working so late. and im at a breaking point but i can’t take a break and i won’t l #let myself which i know is ‘Toxic Grind Culture™️’ but im not going let any of this drop if i have the power not to do it. idk. and i trust #myself not to burn out but like i wish we had a weekend day tomorrow so i could just sleep. idk. and there is SO much for me to do outside o #of work too that i have been neglecting for months and in some cases literal years and all i want to do is sleep. #delete later #this is one of those posts where i type so much but ultimately say nothing at all like im not articulating myself clearly. im just so #depleted. not redacted depleted to the point where i would redacted but just… depleted. lol

[i-am-thevoid]

genuinely uncomfortable with people being attracted to me lately esp when I KNOW they arent seeing me in the way I want like please fuck off and leave me alone

#that one person who kept messaging me after i said i was goin thru shit a d couldnt talk and they proceeded to CONTINUOUSLY FUCKING message #being all like ohhhh youre ao my type shut up and fuck off I said i cant do this and another who makes it so awkward but afterwards will #text tge same thing everyday im sorry but im too tired to deal with conversations rn #and im atarting to tgink hey maybe im not interested in relationships at all!! #im just a manwhore in theory but i cannot deal with commitment #idk im so bad at tgis stuff #but like cmon cant i just live my life theyre projecting shit onto me and assuming my gender/sexuality like FUCK OFF let me BE MYSELF #please #rant cause ig this is actually pissing me off? #i wish i knew how to deal with this shit man. help #IM LOSING MY MIND AND ITS NOT FUN. PEOPLE IN MY LIFE PLEASE SEE THAT I AM 2S AND STOP ASSUMING #doesnt help that ive never really been hit on before genuinely and am kinda new at this and very confused (fellas got a touch of the tism)

[dromaeo-sauridae]

:p

#idk i think im just having a bad week but my anxiety is fucking.. thru the roof! #im convinced that every single noise is someone in my family dying and i cant stop it #and That Post earlier didnt fucking help. #im so scared all the time and i wish i wasnt like this cuz i KNOW that everything is fine #but in my mind everything is falling apart #and i know that im being unreasonable cuz im Just Like This 24/7 no the creaking isnt an intruder thats going to murder everyone its fine #no the sounds of gunfire isnt someone shooting your dogs we just live in the countru #you dont have cancer! you dnt have rabies! you arent gonna die! but i cant fucking stop! i cant! #i just spiral #and suddenly everything is wrong and my body just stops working. #and im tired. #im so tired #vent tw

[beykhabarr]

I wish I wasn't so perceptive to every emotion in the room. I'd just like to be and walk around without being scared out of my wits because I feel a storm brewing.

#and like sometimes I wish i was as oblivious to people's emotions as they are of mind #idk if thats the right course of thinking #but ive gotten so wary of all the places where i dont get the same effort i put in back #its #i hate beinf who i am right now #just randomly people pile their expectations and their rants on me and it happens so constantly and i hate that j cant say no #im just tired #now #and i want everything to stop for a while #I want to be alone and sit in my room and cry until its all better and people stop seeing me as someone they can take comfort from.without #having to give it back #maybe its good fhat i dont have freinds #i just #god #does that make me a bad person

[hyperexplosion]

.

#ignore like usual thank you #i am so tired i am so tired #i am fer from okay #like multiple reasons why i hate asking people to hang out its not even hate im scared to ask people to hang for many reasons #of being boring or being ditched like i get it just tell me youre not having fun i just leave or switch the game if i dont mind #or im scared of showing a show or movie i talk about it so much hopes it interest the person in wanting to see it so they ask if they dont #than thats fine same with video games #and like “what about people close to you” shocker its fhe same #i wait till my best friend to ask me that they want to watch me play the game im playing or to.hanh and play mc #im just tired of feeling unwanted and im tired of feeling unwanted even though ik im wanted its aggrevating its confusinh #i just wish i wasnt me or i wssnt boring idk #csnt wait for next year to get help i just hope i make it #i also hate when im dtresming s game and people lesve to go watch s show it hurts A lot #if you want to go do something else why did you even ask me felt bad??? #why ask me hang on my birthday when all i eanted was the day to feel special since lsst two months been fucking awful #and i was too scared to ask those that are close to hang out but i gave yall a chance snd yall fucking ditched me in call no goodbye #or anything i didnt even hear the notif #it hurts so much #and why you have to kill youself ehy ehy thid sucks this sucks so much i hate these feelings #my heart hurts so much

[bigendershadowthehedghog]

some people I swear to fuck do not understand how not to doxx themselves online . like to the point that it could be the poster child for how people get stalked and killed through the internet. STOP THAT SHIT . PLEASE. IM SOBBING ON THE FLOOR.

#sorry my cousin woke me up at 4am barely just after i fell asleep to show me his tiktok page and i am LIVID #LITERALLY IN HIS SCHOOL UNIFORM.... WITH LOGO CLEARLY VISIBLE... #did those internet safety lessons mean nothing to you #like i know every video we watched was incredibly over the top but come on youre meant to understand the point its trying to convey #which is DONT POST THAT SHIT ONLINE WHAT ARE YOU DOING #if it wasnt 4am and i wasnt so tired i would go off at him #but unfortunately i tried speaking and my mouth has decided the only sounds coming out of it are “ #'mhm' and a growl so. im not even going to try #like its bad enough with half my friends having their symptoms diagnosis and triggers in their bio but ATLEAST THEYRE NOT SAYING WHICH #SCHOOL THEY GO TO #I WISH SO BAD I COULD SIT ALL EVERYONE I KNEW DOWN AND GIVE THEM AN ESSAY ON BASIC INTERNET SAFETY. BECAUSE LORD. #i think only my uncle who mind you works with computers gets this concept and it makes me so mad #fuck the internets erasure of privacy so baddddddd #i wish i could communicate this but i dont think any of my friends who do this would listen #and i dont want to start a fight just because of it. but sometimes i do wish i could punch someone and immediately have them understand #my point perfectly with no flaws #idk whenever i try and say anything im always just drowned out or someone tries to accuse me of something that is completely #out of nowhere and makes me wonder how its relevant to the conversation at all #like i love my friends. wish they werent like that sometimes #like i care about them so much !! but sometimes something happens and its just. come on girl you can do better than this #i dont think theyre abusive or anything theyre just kind of flawed. and everyones just flawed so ill put up with it #like even if it makes me uncomfortable thats just how some people are sometimes ig i cant do much to change that #i shouldnt judge i have my own flaws that are probably worse actually #but sometimes people just step on your toes sometimes and it hurts but its probably on accident. best analogy i could think of #best to just go 'ow' and move on #and if you step on someone elses toes just do your best to say sorry about it #this went wildly off topic my bad #still i am a pretty toxic arguer ill admit so its best to avoid arguments to stop me from hurting anyone #like it mostly comes from fustration of being ignored/misinterpreted but its no excuse for some of the shit ive said ill be honest #so its best to avoid it so no one gets hurt and because its just not who i want or like. at all

[vers-1]

Not to sound so adolescent but I really do force myself to be happy sometimes. Growing up I had this strategy to just fake it till I make it. I figured that if I just ignore all the bad shit and focus on the good things I’ll only think about the good stuff. And it worked but it’s always temporary. I would work round the clock to distract myself and then once in a while I’ll hit a slump and can’t avoid the bad things. And they’re just there. I don’t try to processes it because I’m scared of thinking about it which makes me think about it all the time. Idk. You really can’t pretend you’re doing great. Well I guess you can but it doesn’t feel great or last forever. I’m not a happy person

#47 #i try so hard to be but im sad all the time and im angry #but I have no reason to be anymore #and I also don’t want to let that go #im so angry #i want to hurt everyone and I want to cry in a curled up ball #i just want other things to hurt #I’m so angry why can’t I move on? #why do I have to be the one stuck like this and why won’t anyone help me #why am i such a shitty person a shitty friend a shitty daughter #i really want to just stop existing and I’m tired and I’m angry #every little crumb or happy I get is so artificial #i want to really be happy #and my mind is doing that forget thing again #i want to remember and I want to forget i just wish it never happened #I’m forgetting again #I’m forgetting what happened and then what happened after and I’m left with just the feeling #I’m angry and there’s no happiness. it’s just how i coped and it made me focus my attention elsewhere #idk how to make myself feel good and I’m sad and I want to die inside

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ugh. i love when music ppl talk about music so much #like i know fuck all abt music and i dont pay it much mind other than: oh this is a vibe #but when ppl talk abt it it just sounds so magical #like so many layers. and i wish i could engage with it like thst #makes me appreciate it more. i love that. i love when i hear something that opens my mind to a new idea #lol ive just been watching radiohead documentaries. if u cut open my head idioesque would prob come pouring out #idk rheyre just my fave band. sad and incomprehensible and kinda weirdq #theyre a vibe when im sad and burnt out. no surprises and how to dissappear completely. that is #ugh wtf am i even doing? yesterday i was like wah im tired. snd now its almost midnight and im like im not tired. i shoukd stay up all #night entering data. that's a good use of my time. that wont fuck up my day tomorrow #sigh... but data entry my beloved. i avoid doing it bc i enjoy it too much #for some reason my brain tells me im not allowed to enjoy things and consider it work. i just have to suffer and then do the things that #dont cause me pain as an extra bc its not work if i enjoy it. which is not rational. pls stop that #ah well. data must be entered so meh #unrelated

[piplupod]

i miss the 17 year old version of juno ;-; they were so free in expressing themself and they were confident in a way i have never been and they moved with purpose even if they were terrified and easy to walk all over

i wish i could like. fuse that person with who i am now but we're two entirely different people and I can't seem to unlearn + put down all the shame I carry that they didn't !! they were just so unwaveringly cool and I don't know if they even realized it and I wish I could go back and talk to them and ask them how they did it :')

#part of it was definitely bc they thought they still had a future fhdkdl #its easier to keep ur head up when u think u have half a chance at escaping your situation #im just downtrodden i think and bitter and tired and scared out of my mind constantly #they were like... a bird who still was determined to learn to fly and im over here w my wing feathers all plucked out from stress #i wish i had a name for them bc that certainly is not Me djdksl that was a different part/altwr #they used the name Juno too though fjdksl just with a different tone to it #idk i could refer to them as Comet ig bc that's the other name we went by online in that era but fhfkdl #i just. what happened. where did they go. why am i here and so scared !!! what happened to the 17 yr old host !!! #i was looking thru old blog posts on a sideblog thats now unused and its very hard idk fjfkdl #they were so confident even when they were afraid #i miss the person that we were fhfjfkl #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[brainrotdotorg]

imagine a dashboard for alligators. what do you think that would look like

2 notes

🍏gatoridae Follow

Controversial opinion. If you're doing nothing but eating meat, what are you even doing. Remember to include bugs, fruits, and legumes into your diet in order to help aid digestion of the meat that you get from snakes, fish, and mammals.

Just because we have the reputation for eating lots of meat, that doesn't mean we have to stick to it.

🥒biting-you-biting-you Follow

counterpoint: fuit yucky

🪵blog-from-a-bog Follow

wdym reputation of eating meat. i float lik ea log thats what im known for

4,904 notes

🌿swamp-ass Follow

asked dad if i could go and steal some Floridian guy's lunch and he said "we have prey at home" girl we have been doing shit ALL DAY i am an awesome 600 pounds and I need some meat left on me to deathroll with. let me get a quick snack that i don't need to kill mmmmmmm burgers I want people food soooooo badddd....... i know they shouldn't feed it to me but I have such a lovely smile oh please oh please give me your burger.........

182 notes

🥗aliali-seeyoulater Follow

mom says it was cold the season she laid me so i have to be a girl. because girls are always born from eggs laid during cold seasons.

cope and seethe mother first of all, second of all, the reason i am transgender is because you kept me too fucking snuggly warm in the nest.

#i guess if you wanted a daughter you should have. idk. made a shittier nest? #thats not really my fault man

81,337 notes

⛰fuckyeahhugesnout Follow

You'll never guess how I just learned that we have the honor of being the "loudest reptiles in the world"

🫑teethem Follow

Yeah yeah, the 90 decibel mating bellow, we've all heard it.

🤢ch0mper Follow

we've all heard the what

135,633 notes

🩲gaytorrr Follow

this guy asked if i wanted to see his gator hole and i said fuck yes. why this boy take me into a 65 foot long hole in the mud at the bottom of the lake

6,421 notes

🏞daily-clawsitivity

✨Remember to take it easy sometimes!✨We thrive in slow-moving waters!✨Even though we can run fast, we get tired fast too-- it's okay to let yourself take breaks!✨Let yourself relax, that's how we made it this far as a species.

mud-rocks-deactivated20140706

Yeah, imagine telling your prehistoric great great great great great great great great great great grandpa or something to calm down and relax when he should be doing nothing but deathrolls. the longevity of the species should be your only goal. It's irresponsible to encourage your fucking species to fall behind even more than it already has? Have some pride, you're not a crocodile.

scalesssss-deactivated20150310

jesus christ calm down

alidile-crocogator-deactvated20140709

Okay, this post has a lot of misconceptions in it. There aren't as many differences between crocodiles and alligators than you think. It's really harmful to think that we have nothing in common with each other. So what if they're carnivores and we're closer to omnivores, or their snouts are more U shaped while ours are V shaped. We're both badass miracles of nature that have no reason to be pit against one another all the time.

Don't listen to guys like this. It's just hateful and small-minded.

stop-jawlock-androll-deactivated20140911

crocs are like. like them shoes that float right

wetlandia898 Follow

i wish i was a crocodile because i could have a virgin birth and i wanted to see what it would be like to eat an immaculate conception.

bigchallengesrealblog-deactivated20190412

welcome to the no notes gator/croc discourse post.

🦖l8rg8tr-z Follow

omg this is the post.... i can't believe i would see this naturally on my dash

🎍taildraggers Follow

Uh are we just going to ignore the virgin birth reply orrrrrrrrr

🐊gator-heritage-posts

gator heritage post

0 notes

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Follow

hgwiow h

hsfhjs

howw ws i nbevyrboy tyopingssaog oo vd wi hhrth rh thrre cl alawas ?>>

🌴a-l-g-t-r Follow

lmao this idiot never learned how to use their tail to type

#/j lol yeah its kind of hard at first #actually i'd say cut your losses and forget how to type bring the laptop back to the dumpster its not worth it

39 notes

🐍bellowbellowmygoodfellow Follow

am i fucking stupid. i just learned theres another species of alligator other than just me and the guys in my swamp. and i said "oh wow I didn't know that! which one of the two are we haha" and my buddy just stared at me like I was a fucking idiot. how am i supposed to know if no one ever tells me this . WHICH AM I

🍖meet-eat3r Follow

there are only 70-80 mature chinese gators in existence while there are 750,00-1 million mature american gators . do the math.

🐍bellowbellowmygoodfellow Follow

i could have just hatched you don't know me.

20,570 notes

🍀gatortears Follow

a group of queer gators in church call that a congregaytion

#reblogging this one bc none of you appreciate me

1 notes

👞makemeintoshoesdaddy Follow

I'm seeing the no notes gator/croc post circulate again and ha ha yes it's very funny, but we are NOT starting gator/croc discourse in 2024. lets leave that shit in the past. i know that's not what the post really ended up being about but i am soooooo sick of it.

🌾clawstothewalls Follow

okay, so the one with a fetish for getting turned into handbags is gonna talk down to us now.

👞 makemeintoshoesdaddy Follow

Not to be a pedant but its Shoes Actually. It even says so in the name. Shoes.

2,663 notes

#this post was all an excuse to tell you alligator fun facts #i fucking got you dude. i got you

[mrfoox]

How to explain to people I care for how special they are to me without being creepy 😔

#miranda talking shit #Like dude... If youre one of the 3 people i want to be bothered by... Youre so fucking special #If youre one of the 3 people i can hold eye contact with for more than two seconds per conversation youre so amazing #If youre one of the 2 people i can talk to for hours without feeling social/mental fatigue... Youre top tier #Like i likr a lot of people but there are so few who i can say do not tire me or i am very truly comfortable with #And i wish i could make them understand how big of a deal it is for me... For me that is so special. I dont have many people like that #I have people i can allow to bother me and will be okay with it but only a couple i genuinely want them to bother me #Text me call me talk to me whenever i love you and am not ever bothered by you and i always have time for you #Fabian is definitely one and i think he doesnt get it bc we have gone through many periods of weeks where we talk daily #Sometimes we dont for weeks at all. But hes one of the rare people i can feel ... Im not fatigued by. #I love many people but most will take different amounts of social energy from me. Some more than others so i really have to be in the right #Place to be able to handle them. So when i find the people who i dont get that with who i can just be around and talk with without feeling #The fatigue im... I wish i could explain how truly special they are to me. Everyone and everything tire me but you #And oliver is one out of 3 people (my mom being one and Linnéa friend since we were 13 is another) who i can look in the eyes #For many times for long periods and i dont feel .. Uneasy. Like thats actually amazing. The privilege and/or superpower you have is huge #Idk what it is with oliver. Idk i know i like him but the fact im so comfortable is wild. Usually around people i have a crush on i am shy #Blushing and looking away. With him im like 👀 hey... Yea . I dont mind him seeing me and i hate being seen by everyone #Maybe its bc hes so ... Unbothered? I feel not judged. I feel like he can see me and not judge and thats sadly shocking for me

[ritsufeet]

stay with me.

longing [ ft. m. kaiser ]

i don’t want u to leave… in which kaiser longs for you more than he thought he would.

k by cigarettes after sex heavily recommend to listen to while reading!!

all works from luvmouche & ritsufeet on tumblr.

𒁷 sfw, (forced to) made for ivelle (@n6gi)

𒁷 cw// hurt comfort(?), kaiser is too busy for u (dickhead), but it gets better i think, mutual longing, kissing smooch smooch, umm idk what else, kaiser tw🤓, “m” is his nickname given by the reader, rly short fic btw, slightly ooc kaiser but yk what idc!

i made this for ivelle this is literally yhe only bllk fic ill ever make (maybe) also i dont even like kaiser (kurona bwtter) i originally made this in my notes app i had to decide whether or not i eveb wanted to post this on tumblrHelp

synopsis: michael kaiser is a cruel, busy man—yet he finds himself pining for your warmth more than he expected.

not proofread!!!

kaiser, michael

your boyfriend, michael kaiser, who’s a famous, up and coming athlete, never has any time for you.

“i’m leaving, i have a meeting today.” he says, hurriedly pushing his shoes on with heavy sighs. you look at him and frown, “again? m, you never have any time for me anymore…”

“i know, but i’ll make it up to you, i promise. just not today, i’m busy.” he huffs, frowning right back at you, his blonde hair sways messily in front of his face and his fingers coming up to brush them up and out of the way again. you frown deepens and you sigh.

he looks up at you, his eyebrows furrowed. “what? what’s wrong with you?” his question only makes you sadder.

“can’t you stay?”

“no, i can’t. you know this. i said i’d make it up to you, didn’t i? trust my word.” you know this, you already know… but you can’t help but already begin to miss him.

he’s often gone for long hours, sometimes it’s more than just hours. it’s hard loving him when he’s absent majority of the time, and when he’s not gone, he’s doing something else that doesn’t involve spending time with you. what could be so important, anyway? of course, you love him, you love his career and support him with everything you can, but he could at least love you a little back.

you slowly walk over to him when he’s finished putting on his shoes. he looks at you with soft eyes, a face that he doesn’t show often. vulnerability that doesn’t come easily to him, something he only shows to you. “i’m sorry,” he says, his hand cupping your cheek. you relish in his touch, leaning into his palm. “i really wish i could stay too. you know that as well as i do.” he caresses your cheek, sliding his thumb over your skin.

“i get it… you should go, you don’t want to be late, right?” you look at him giving a reassuring smile. “i’ll be here, like i always am.” his heart aches as those words leave you, and the urge washes over him. he brings himself to your lips and kisses you—sweet, quick, and loving. he lets himself linger there for as long as he needs to. he doesn’t want to be late, yet he finds himself not wanting to move a single inch away from you. he wants to stay, wants to be here with you and the comfort of your kisses.

you pull away instead, you put your hand right above his—the one caressing your cheek so gently and longingly that you fear that it’d break his heart if he tore it away—and squeeze it. his face is solemn, his gaze wavering. he’s staring at you, but he looks away, as if hesitant to say anything. then, he looks at you again, and purses his lips. “..i love you.” your reassuring smile turns into a genuine one. “i love you too, m.”

he pulls you into a hug, holding you longer than just a few seconds, and he can hear himself the moment he decided to just go ‘ah, fuck it.’ a barely audible chuckle comes from his voice leaving you wondering what’s so funny.

“on second thought, i don’t think they’ll mind if i miss a day or two.” he says, smiling.

a/n: i hope ur happy ivelle. k bye im tired fuckkk

#ritsufeet #blue lock #blue lock x reader #blue lock x y/n #blue lock x you #blue lock x gn reader #blue lock x female reader #blue lock x male reader #bllk #bllk kaiser #michael kaiser #kaiser x reader #kaiser fluff #michael kaiser x reader #michael kaiser x you #michael kaiser x y/n #kurona better #i dont eceb likr kaiser but yk what Sigh #if this flops i blame ivelle