#if it were not for echo i would take an overdose rn and be done with it

[aquarianlights]

✨️ I just kind of want to die rn. ✨️

#im srs tho #i feel fucking terrible #im still coming down from anesthesia and im so fatigued and tired #if it were not for echo i would take an overdose rn and be done with it #except for the fact i am horribly scared of respiratory depression #suffocating is one of my worst fears so... #i just really want to get a gun #ik my girlfriend has lots of guns #im not legally allowed to have a gun and idk how to find them on the black market #but since my gf has them... ive been thinking about it... thinking about waiting until we live together and waiting until echo passes #and then I'd have no issues just... taking one... it's not like I'd be keeping it or using more than one bullet #im sure she would forgive me and id write a note anyways #notes* rather... addressing multiple people personally with her being one of them. id apologize for using her gun but where else would i #get one? she is the only person ik who has guns coz her family is a hunting family. #oh well....that's been on my mind ever since i found out she has guns and also really wants us to live together. i always thought if one #were in the house with me that it would be so easy to use when i feel like this and just get it over with #instead i hesitate because i dont have the right methods... and i end up feeling okay or better later. only to come back to suicidal later #so a gun would be best i think... that way i can take care of it in the moment and get it over with. i just need a gun to do it. #unfortunately my girlfriend is the only one ik who has them so... it's gonna have to be hers #that's a long way off though. echo is only 9 years old and his breed lives into the 16-18 years old phase. i wont leave until echo is gone #depression #sad #sadness #suicidal #suicide #crying #pain #upset #personal #depressed