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metroid-prime-ribs · 2 years

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Cryptid Samus

I know I've made posts like this before in the past, but this is my favorite headcanon so you're all gonna have to suffer more of it until I can write a proper length fanfic about it.

SO. In the era of the Prime series, Samus seems to go from being a relatively unknown bounty hunter, to the one woman army that almost single-handedly ends the Phazon War with the Space Pirates. This makes sense as Metroid Prime is only the second mission of Samus's that we get to see, and it's not really a big one. Just "There's a Space Pirate frigate out here kinda close to Zebes, orbiting Tallon IV. Go see if they're causing trouble."

The next mission we see Samus undertake is checking in on the Federation ship that lost communications on Aether. Here is where we actually get to see for the first time what other in-universe characters think of Samus.

Unfortunately, these troopers can only communicate through their log entries. One trooper in particular, SPC M. Angseth, says in her log,

"This is ridiculous. I can outshoot half the men here, and I'm stuck on monitor duty. I didn't join up to stare at a holoscreen! This wouldn't happen to Samus Aran... She'd be out there take care of business, not pushing buttons and sending reports."

Another trooper, PFC I. Crany, says this,

"Last night at chow, Angseth starts talking about some bounty hunter and how she blew up a planet full of Space Pirates. I told her I didn't believe in fairy tales like that, and she took it personal. I just find it hard to believe that one person took out an entire Space Pirate base, that's all. But if she wants to believe in this Samus, or Bigfoot, or Santa Claus, she can."

These two logs clearly show that while Samus is a known entity, her exploits are fantastical to the point of sounding like a myth or fable. I think most fans are aware of these logs by this point so I won't go on too much more about them. Instead, I'll move on to Metroid Prime 3: Corruption.

Corruption has a large number of troopers, and most of them are even alive for us to talk to! Right off the bat Samus gets hailed by the GFS Olympus and when she puts in her code on the comms, the ATC operator refers to her as Samus. Maybe they could've been just reading the name off the gunship registration. Once we land, Samus talks to a trooper at their post in landing bay 5.

The way this trooper talks to Samus doesn't indicate whether or not they believe that she is a fictional character like PFC Crany, nor do they show any admiration for Samus the way we could expect Angseth to act.

Then we get to the briefing room where Dane, Rundas, Ghor, and Samus are waiting for us.

... I'm pretty sure it's normal to have people impersonate you about 3 times in your career, right?

Either way, none of the assembled hunters, no Admiral Dane seem to have any reaction to Samus's presence. Meaning they know that she exists (reasonably, since they're kinda coworkers).

ANYWAYS

If we get back to my 'armcanon,' I think that Samus, the mysterious Chozo Power Suit wearing bounty hunter that tangles with legions of Space Pirates by herself, is regarded as some sort of space cryptid, because like yes someone capable of doing what she does makes sense. BUT, is it believable that ONE (1) person is doing it? Is Samus some kind of AI in a hyper-advanced experimental chassis? Or maybe she's a Federation bioweapon that they send out to do their most expensive and difficult bounties to keep from paying out so much money. The only people who know that Samus is a real person are the ones who directly work with her, so other hunters, the Federation, obviously the Space Pirates.

I would compare her to the way that Robert Pattinson's Batman exists to Gotham city. The average citizen probably doesn't ever have too much proof that Samus really exists, though maybe there's merchandise that the people who do see her make, and of course the Federation knows since they payout her bounties and have to get in touch with her when they work together.

I also like to think of Samus as having a sort of alter ego.

This public persona would be Sam A. an archaeologist. Someone who works with decrypting the ancient writings of species like the Chozo, N'kren, Ylla, Bryyonians, Elysians, Alimbics, and many others. She could have an office or museum or some kind of public works that help teach people the history of the stars.

On the rare occasion that she is around to oversee her space, she will slip in and give lucky viewers private tours of her personal artifact collection. Things such as rubbings of Chozo lore walls from Tallon IV, damaged busts of Luminoth (donated by U'Mos of course), and even some relics from her old missions like the Spazer beam, Long Beam, or the Omega Cannon.

I'm sure she would also run some kind of black market smuggling operation too. What better way to find and retrieve valuable artifacts from smugglers and grave robbers than to con them into stealing from herself? Then of course she'd hack their equipment to give herself five stars on Dark Yelp.*

I really want to see Samus have more of a direct role in making peoples lives better rather than just the suicidal impossible odds missions she gets in the games. And I think that could be done in a Metroid game with a more urban setting, sorta like Batman: Arkham Knight where Samus would mostly stick to a single city and be able to receive missions to track down bounty heads while piecing together a large assassination plot or something. Maybe make Sylux or some other hunters appear to give him an actual reason to hate Samus.

*The Dark Yelp thing is a reference to my close friend's EeveeNicks' "Human" series on AO3. A series about Samus struggling to move on after the destruction of Zebes and rebuilding her connection to humanity, rather than feeling like a tool of war.

#metroid #metroid headcanon #armcanons #metroidprimeribsspeaks #samus #samus aran #metroidprimeribsart #sam a archaeologist #buff samus #metroid art

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notyobabygirl · 1 year

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hey Liz! So im a 23 year old girl, never been in a relationship, and am a virgin. i used 2 b insecure about that but now i kinda love it, i am who i am & who cares if i look 'lame'. i rarely feel connection towards boys so when i do.,. i normally REALLY feel it;/ anyways. i hu with this guy on Sep 2 (lol we just like madeout on a beach but it was sooooo spontaneous and romantic since we'd been working together for a week at that point) but he has a couple of ex's and a history of always being in a relationship. and just my bad luck: 2-3 weeks b4 we hit it off, his gf had cheated and broken up with him! so anyways we texted daily for about a month until he ghosted me and went on a solo trip to japan for his mental health. since then we kinda ignore each other on IG but he liked my photo..its been 2 months and i feel like i was obsessd with him, i feel so much better now and i think im over him but ig i wanted to hear ur advice and tips to not take it personally what he did, since hes prob an anxious avoidant. i know he still thinks about me and prob regrets ruining even a friendship we could of had. it took me so long to relax about him cuz it was the closest ive had to a potential budding relationship. it just ended in disappointment. and i cant stop hoping he'll come back in desparation. i know he likes me and thinks im a cool girl! i still peep him adding niche songs only i showed him to his spotify...2 months later! we have so many mutuals and work in the same industry. why like my photo if u made a point to ghost me? also lol its his bday today

xxluv u

pls help my poor heart

wait ur so cute. first of all yes I am so happy for you, I think no one should ever be insecure about how much or how little they have done with guys. when a guy (or girl) gets out of a relationship you can never put pressure on them to start something new. personally, if I started falling for a guy and found out he just got out of a relationship I would think thats sus. because he might say hes over it, but hes not. im sure thats not what you wanna hear but you dont want to be with someone who isn't emotionally ready yet. we both know it has nothing to do with you. you did everything you can and thats all that matters! you will find more guys out there, who are emotionally ready and can treat you the way you should be treated. dont get hung up on this one guy because you felt a connection. I always say everyone you meet, you meet for a reason. take lessons out of this. remind yourself how amazing and how awesome you are. I think he just needs to work on himself!! love you <3

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spenciebabie · 3 years

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Um... so like... post prison Reid taking his gfs virginity? 💕💕💕💕🥺🥺🥺🥺 also I love ur writing wow

im presuming you’re looking for dom!spencer? it’s gonna be in that vain but if you were looking for something softer ive got a 7k 2 parter on my main (Show Me) that’s got a soft late seasons spencer taking his gf’s virginity

— —

They’d been dating for a while now and Spencer had his suspicions. They never seemed to do anything more than kiss, the odd time she’d let him finger her, and she’d sucked his cock twice now.

He loved her, and he would wait as long as she needed to. But he had to know.

One day while they were in her bed she was straddling his lap while they kissed, one of her legs perched either side of his thigh. He decided to kick things up a notch, bringing his hands down to her hips, gripping them harshly and pulling her down at the same time that he pushed his thigh up.

She let out the most desperate moan he’d ever heard from her. Her lips breaking off of his as she did, unable to contain it. So in an effort to tease he stopped, taking his hands off her hips and laying back a little, propping himself up on his arms and just looking up at her.

“Are we a little desperate today sweetheart?” He says teasingly

“I don’t know, that felt— nice” she looks shy all of a sudden, her cheeks heating up.

“You want me to touch you?” She just takes her bottom lip between her teeth, nodding.

“You want me to touch you with my fingers, or maybe my tongue?” She nods again, her hands fidgeting with the hem of her skirt.

He sits up again, snaking his hand up under her skirt, feeling the wet patch she’d made against his trousers. Curling his fingers up he presses them up into the crotch of her panties. She lets out a soft mewl at the sensation.

“You’re so fucking wet sweetheart. If I didn’t know any better I’d think you wanted to be fucked?” He moans against her ear, and he can hear her breathing almost stop completely.

“Unless of course, no ones ever fucked this pretty little pussy before?” He pushes her panties to one side as he speaks this time, running his fingers along her slit, feeling her arousal almost dripping along his fingertips.

“Please Spencer, I want it to be you” she moans out as he presses two fingers right against her entrance. Only toying with her, never pushing them in.

“What you do want me to to baby?” He teases, burying his face in the crook of her neck, sucking a harsh bruise at the base.

“Want you to fuck me—ah!— want you to be the first one inside me” she moans out and he pulls back again to examine the little bruise.

He looks satisfied, quckily changing their position so that she was laying flat beneath him on the bed.

“Tell me what you want sweetheart, and I’ll give it to you” he says, commanding but soft.

“I want to feel your cock Spencer” she moans but she looks shy all of a sudden.

“What’s wrong baby?” He asks, just a little concerned, as bad as he wanted this, he didn’t want to genuinely pressure her into it.

“I just—it’s embarrassing” she forces out, closing her eyes before she says the rest, “I’ve wanted to— with you— for a while now, I just— I didn’t know how to ask but um, I’ve been taking the pill and—” his heart almost stops.

“And?” He coaxes, his hands running along her body over her clothes now. Encouraging and eager.

“And would you want to cum inside me? Please? I wanna feel you, I wanna feel all of you?” She’s asking like it’s some kind of imposition, like she had no idea how much and for how long he’d wanted to do just that. He almost can’t even give her a response, he just starts by pulling at her clothes scrambling to take them off until she was wearing nothing at all in front of him.

“Fuck sweetheart, you’ve got no fuckin’ idea how bad I want this” he’s breathing heavy and labored now, making his way out of his own clothes until there’s nothing between them.

When he runs his fingers along her slit now it somehow feels even wetter than it was before, if he rests his fingers against her and keeps them still he can feel the way she throbs against them.

“Is your little cunt desperate for my cock sweetheart?” He groans against her ear and she nods, her lips opening softly to moan just a little.

“You think you can handle it baby, you’ve only ever had my fingers.” He pushes two inside at the same time that he says it and she’s whining now. Tiny little noises that sound like ‘please’ flowing out of her, getting trapped in her throat as he curls his fingers up against her walls.

“I don’t know” he teases, “this desperate little cunt is tight, I can barely fit a third finger in here” he’s turning himself on while he’s saying it, pushing in three fingers at once, he can just about force them in and he feels the way she clenches around them. He’s teasing her, but he’s also right.

“Please! Spencer please— fuck— want your cock, need it” she’s whimpering and he wants to be inside her more than anything. The way she’s looking at him is so soft and pleading. He just has to give in to what they both want.

“Since you’ve been such a good girl I’ll let you have it.” He says like it’s not exactly what he wants too.

Pulling his fingers out he places two of them in her mouth which she gladly accepts, sucking them in and hollowing her cheeks around them, tasting herself. Once they’re clean Spencer uses that same hand to line himself up between her legs, running the head of his cock along her folds, mixing his precum with her own arousal before he’s pushing himself inside.

She squirms a little at the immidate contact. The stretch she’d never quite felt before. She knew his cock was thicker than his fingers, but like this, it felt so much bigger.

He took time to check in with her each time he moved, slowly sliding in, inch by inch until he was buried inside of her.

“Fuck, baby you’re so tight.” He moans out against her ear, “So fucking wet too” he’s not even moving inside her and he think he might cum from the little faces she’s making alone.

“It’s all for you” she whines out, “I’ve wanted this for so long” something about her innocent little face spurs him on, he wants to hear those delicate lips say the filthiest things.

“Tell me what you thought about sweetheart, what did you fantasize about while you touched yourself?” It’s also a means of distraction. Once she’s thinking he takes the opportunity to slowly start moving.

“Ugh! Fuck! I thought about your mouth” she moans, “how good it feels when you suck on my clit, the way your stubble feels on the inside of —ah!— my thighs” he starts to speed up slowly now that she’s moaning softly, adjusting to his size already.

“What else baby? What does your pretty little pussy want?”

“Thought about riding you” she says and stops, clearly a little to embarrassed to say it out loud.

“I thought about that too,” he leans right down next to her to growl against her ear, “the image of your perfect ass bouncing up and down on my cock, or the way your tits would look above me” he’s got a hand snaked between them now, teasing at her clit.

“Shit Spence, I want you to— fuck— want you to fuck me from behind sometime. I wanna feel just how— uh— deep you can get” she’s losing it now, her nails digging into his shoulders, her back arching up off the bed as Spencer continues his movements.

“You gonna cum for me baby?” He groans and she’s nodding and whimpering beneath him now.

“Feels so good Spence, so close” she’s panting right before she’s toppling over the edge, shaking and squirming around him, the filthiest moans coming out of her as she clenches around his cock.

“That’s it baby, I’m almost there” he continues to fuck in and out of her, getting her through her aftershocks as he’s cumming himself. Spilling deep inside of her as he does.

“Fuck, fill me up Spence” she whines, desperate and breathy, “I’m all yours”

He pulls out of her slowly, and takes his time to admire her. The way her hair is perfectly messy, her forehead all sweaty but in the kind of way that makes her glow. The little bruise on her neck from earlier that he already knew she wouldn’t be able to hide. The way she looked at him with her swollen bottom lip caught between her teeth again. And on top of all of that, now there was the added bonus of the way his cum looked as it dripped out from between her thighs, just a little falling onto the bedsheets.

#spencer reid smut #dom!spencer #dom!spencer x virgin!reader #spencer reid x virgin!reader #Spencer Reid x reader #Spencer Reid imagine #Spencer Reid blurb #virgin!reader #dom Spencer Reid #dom spencer #blurb #blurbs #imagine #concept #anon #answered

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intricate-oeuvre · 5 years

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say it before you run out of time || B. Hardy || part II

part I part II part III part IV part V part VI part VII part VIII part IX part X part XI part XII part XIII

Word count: 2k

Summary: Ben and the reader have been friends since childhood. And along the way reader falls in love with him. But it might be too late when another girl shows up claiming that she’s his girlfriend.

Warnings: none, horrible writing tho, puppy overload

A/n: huge thank you to all of you who enjoyed the first part! <3 sorry from answering from my main (@saint-hardy) . also tell me if you want to be tagged into future chapters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girlfriend??? It rang in your ears.

“Pardon, what?” You tried to compose yourself as lump formed in your throat.

“We have been dating for two months now. Well, he doesn’t want to label it just yet nor to go public about it, but I feel he wants more.” She smiled and looked around. That didn’t sound like Ben.

“Oh, really?” Your voice cracked. Were you too late? Thousand thoughts were running through your mind at the moment. You looked around as tears gathered in your eyes, but you didn’t let them fall.

“Yes. He’s really amazing man… He told me a lot about you.” Nina said the last part with distaste while putting her bag on the living rooms sofa and taking a look around the room.

“He did mention that you might swing around sometime.” Nina said while she checked the photos on the wall. Some polaroids and printed pictures with friends, family, his dog and even you.

“And..?” you asked, feeling that something was coming.

“Nothing. When are you leaving?” Nina turned to you with serious look on her face.

“Tomorrow. Why?” You asked, carefully assessing her. Feeling that you might need to go back to the dorms.

“No reason. Don’t you have like dorms to go and studies to do? Homework? Something?” Nina asked. You could feel that she was not the friendliest type of people.

“I have enough time to do those.” You crossed your arms. Trying to calm down.

“Ben gave you a spare key?” You asked nodding towards the door.

“I wondered the same thing. Of course, he did.” Nina said looking you up and down. The fact that Ben had given you his spare key made you felt special, but not anymore as it seemed.

“I’m here to surprise him when he comes here tomorrow. Show me where is his room.” Nina said looking pass you.

“I’ll better show you guest room.” You said with distaste.

“So, you can take his?” Nina scoffed.

“So, you don’t make mess before he arrives.” You could bite too if you wanted to. And sofa in the living room didn’t look too bad.

“I would advise to watch your tongue before I call him and ask you to leave.” Nina said as she went in the guest room you had showed her.

“Sure. You do that.” You mumbled so she couldn’t hear.

Rest of the evening was silent between you two. She seemed like really possessive person. And jealous of you. She had occupied the guest room as her closet and migrated to Ben’s room to watch TV. You were sure she was planning on staying in both rooms. With slight roll of your eyes you reached under one of the sofas and pulled out a blanket and a pillow. Slipping on Ben’s sweater over your head you nestled on one of the sofas. Too lazy to push the glass coffee table out of the way and pull out the sofa, you tried to fall asleep.

But the only thoughts that filled your mind where those of Ben and all the good time you two had shared. You stared at the ceiling, hoping that your mind would stop running in circles. Tucking the blanket around your chest you reached for your phone. Checking your IG, your dating apps that you hardly used and only usually checked when you were drunk. And you scrolled through your messages. Your group chat Booty Hunters 69/420 with Maddie and Rose seemed appropriate.

y/n: You guys up?

mAdDie: What happened?

y/n: Ben has gf…

mAdDie: WHAT

mAdDie: THE

mAdDie: ACTUAL

mAdDie: FUCK???

ROSAlinda: what? i’ll beat his stupid ass for real

After that you didn’t answer the texts, just let them roll in and shush your friends that you’ll somehow manage. Then you scrolled list and looked at Ben’s contact. Tapping on his name you let your fingers hover over the keyboard. This wasn’t the first time you had been staring at his contact like this. Letting your fingers slide across the screen you started typing.

y/n: im sorry if this wakes you up. But its 1:34 here and all I can think about is you…

You glanced at the text and instead of hitting send, you deleted it, and throwing your phone on the ground, went to bed.

You woke up some time later from someone’s whispers and shuffling near the front door. You quietly sat up, still covered by blanket and glanced behind the sofa to make sure that it wasn’t Nina walking around, but both bedroom doors were closed.

“Shhh… You’re going to wake up Nina, Frankie…” you heard a deep voice whisper near the door. Then the small lamp near the front door lit up. Emitting small glow around the door area. You fucking knew that voice everywhere.

“Ben?” you asked, your voice still full with sleep. He wasn’t supposed to be here until tomorrow afternoon. Did you accidentally hit send to that message?

Upon hearing your voice, Ben froze.

“Y/n?” your name escaped him in a small gasp.

“Am I dreaming?” you mumbled to yourself as you rubbed your eyes.

“Why are you…? If I had known… You’re not dreaming. Hello.” He seemed puzzled but then softly greeted you, stepping closer. You furrowed your brows for a second, munching on what he said. Shit, it was him!

“Ben!” You gasped, jumping off the sofa and sprinting to him, just to crush your body to his.

“I fucking missed you!” you mumbled as your hands wrapped around him.

“Missed you too, sweetheart.” Ben said fondly as his hands went around your waist and picked you up from the ground to capture you in bone crushing hug. For a moment both of you enjoyed each other’s closeness. Stealing that feeling of home that you associated with each.

He gently let go of you and in that moment, Ben realised that you weren’t fully decent. You were only wearing panties and sweater. Without a bra. HIS sweater. Looking you up and down, he tilted his head while biting his lip:

“Lovely number you have going on here.” He grinned.

“What?” you looked down at yourself.

“Shit! Fuck!” you rushed to your bag to grab some shorts.

“Relax. And besides, it looks better on you anyways.” Ben was referencing the sweater and chuckled at your frantic movements. So, he totally knew it was his sweater. Cool.

“Someone wants to meet you, y/n.” Ben said when he heard small whine behind himself. He had finally taken his pup with him. And you were too excited to finally meet the beagle girl he talked so much about.

“She’s here with you?” You smiled like child.

“Of course.” He turned around and urged Frankie to come closer to you.

“Oh, god! She’s so lovely!” you couldn’t stop laughing as the pup gave you kisses.

“Look, she likes you.” Ben smiled and kneeled beside you two.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Both of you heard tired voice from the hall.

“Nina.” Ben was up and looking at her. If you were allowed to guess then you would say that he didn’t seem so thrilled to see her here.

“Boo? You are here?” Nina’s voice turned into unnatural squeak.

“Hey, Nina.” Ben smiled at her as the named girl rushed to hug him and give him kiss on the lips. Awkwardly clearing his throat, Ben pulled away from her.

“It seems you two have already met.” He said looking from Nina to you, but letting his eyes stay on you.

“Yeah, she’s a nice girl. And it seems you have brought your little pet too.” Nina said with smile, looking at Frankie who was excitedly wiggling her tail next to you.

“Yeah, I know you’re not a fan of Franksta here, but I couldn’t leave her behind.” Ben said apologetically.

“Nonsense. It’s alright until she sleeps in different room.” Nina smiled at him and laid her head on his shoulder. With small nod he agreed.

“Come to bed, boo. You must be tired.” Nina pulled on his arm.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be there in a second.” He kissed her cheek.

“Don’t make me wait.” Nina winked at him and went down the hall.

“Sorry about that.” Ben shuffled awkwardly.

“It’s alright.” You smiled and looked down at Frankie. Still trying to process the fact that he had a girlfriend now. You had no idea how to bring this up. What do you even do in such situation?

“Why are you sleeping here in the living room, I have a perfect guest bedroom that you have never turned down before.” He gestured to the back.

“That’s Nina’s.” You said and petted the pup.

“You know you could just sleep in mine then.” He leaned back against the back of the sofa.

“That’s Nina’s too now.” You said straightening. Ben furrowed his eyebrows.

“Guest room sort of is her walk-in closet now. And I think she sleeps in yours.” You shrugged explaining.

“You could have just said something to her.” He smiled.

“I don’t think that she’s a fan of me either.” You sighed, looking at Frankie with whom you now had something in common.

“Don’t be silly.” Ben’s smile faltered.

“It’s alright, Ben. Your expensive sofas are enough.” You reassured, patting his shoulder.

“I think there might be a horny girlfriend that waits for you.” You tried to joke and not sound hurt. For you it hurt more than it made you laugh.

“Don’t even start. I rather stay with you here that deal with that.” Ben said and walked around the sofa to sit.

“Tired, huh?” You whispered.

“Jetlagged as hell.” He corrected.

“Ben?!” Both of you heard Nina’s voice from bedroom. With roll of his eyes, Ben sighed. You rested your forearms on the back of the sofa and looked at Ben. You quietly admired how he looked even if he was jetlagged. His messy hair, the dark hoodie, the way he sat with resting his elbows on his knees.

“How did- How did you meet—You know, the girlfriend Nina thing...?” You somehow tried to word it, but it only came out as weak whisper. You leaned down, now resting your chin on the sofa’s back.

“At one dinner after shooting. Somehow, she stuck around.” Ben sighed and leaned back, his head laying close to yours as his eyes bore into the ceiling, just like yours couple hours earlier.

“What about it?” He asked turning his head to look at you. His breath hitting your cheek now. You didn’t answer, feeling that your voice would give away how you truly feel, so you only shook your head.

“There’s something wrong.” Ben said as his eyes flickered around the side of your face.

“Is there?” You tried to sound uninterested.

“Yeah.” Ben sat up straight and turned to you.

“Don’t want to talk about it.” You said and walked around the sofa to pet Frankie and distract yourself.

“Is it about Nina? Because I know-” Ben started, but you interrupted him with a hiss:

“I said I don’t want to talk about it! Not now, please.” At the end you seemed almost desperate. With small nod, Ben didn’t say a word.

“Can I leave Frankie here with you?” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Of course.” You scooped the pup in your arms. The dog nuzzled the sweater with her nose.

“Even she knows it’s my sweater.” Ben chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Sorry, I’ll give it back.” You apologized.

“Nah, keep it.” He stepped closer and pulled the collar of the sweater on your nose.

“Goodnight, y/n.” Ben said with tired smiled. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Frankie’s head, keeping his eyes locked with yours.

“Be good.” He said to his dog and left you there with his sweater over your nose and his dog in your arms. Only now you realised how much the sweater smelled of him.

“Goodnight, Ben…” You whispered and readied to the bed again. Mentally saying to yourself to get to sleep because he wasn’t even thinking about you.

~~~~~~~~~~

tags: @brianandthemays @queen-turtle-boiii @rogahloveshiscar @radiob-l-a-hblah @scarsout @sara-1705 @babydazz

#ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy x reader #friends to lovers #bohemian rhapsody #mary shelley #xmen #woman in white #sibyroot series #part two #ben hardy x you #ben hardy x oc #ben hardy x y/n

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g-idlescenarios · 5 years

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(g)-idle: soyeon; our hidden lounge ~

anon requests:

Can you do a soyeon smut where her gf is a stripper and soyeon comes to visit her?

Hi :) could I request a soyeon smut where she can’t resist your touch and you end up taking the lead going down on her ? Thank you, amazing writing 💕

Hi could u do a soyeon smut, where she comes home with her new haircut and you get too turned on Thank u 🥰

i hope you dont mind, but i think incorporating these 3 requests will work together! thanks for requesting guys, soyeon makes me weak lololol <3 also this is really long im sorry lol - ive got 3 more soyeon smut requests in my inbox, but those might take a bit longer! sorrrry ~ i promise ill get to them ;)

Soyeon nervously waited in line for the club, her hat, mask, glasses and dark clothing concealing her identity. It wasn’t the best disguise, but being solely surrounded by drunk people didn’t really allow for anyone to notice that the Jeon Soyeon was standing next to them in a strip club. Normally she’d be worried about the press and about being spotted, but tonight something had come over her, and she just didn’t care - she missed you so bad.

It had been almost four weeks since you guys had seen each other. She has been preparing for her comeback during the days, and you had your work shifts during the night. Time was never on your side when it came to schedule, and Soyeon couldn’t stand it anymore - she needed your touch. So tonight, instead of staring at her computer screen, she came down here to surprise you.

The night for you had been long, the loud music and the lights together giving you a slight headache - or maybe it was just the pain from the thought of all the pervs you had just danced for. You had just finished your routine, earning a break from your boss, you handed you your tips, telling you to come back in an hour. You didn’t see Soyeon in the back corner, following silently behind you as you walked to your dressing room. She had been watching you for a while - the way your hips moved, how well you could shake your body, how good you looked in the pink light. Her eyes sweep up and down your body, noticing your clothes... or lack there of. You were in only a tiny push up bra and lace panties with thigh high boots - she could see all of you, and thoughts of your body race through her mind. God, she really missed you.

“Y/N... y/n!” Her quick whisper echoed through the back hallway, and you spin around. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to her black figure, but the moment it hits, your smile can’t be contained! You kiss her passionately, not realizing how much you craved her touch too. Your hands reach for her hair, but the wool hat isn’t what you’re expecting - so you pull it off slowly, as your lips trail down her neck. She had changed her hair back to a light brown, the highlights of blonde shining in the shitty ceiling light. She looked so good like this, you felt your stomach stir in anticipation.

“You changed your hair...” you whisper against her lips, “and you didn’t tell me?”

Soyeon moans into your mouth, missing the feeling of your lips on hers. “I wanted to surprise you tonight...” Her breath catches as your lips suck at her neck.

“You sure did baby girl, you really did surprise me. God, you look so good. I want you.” You blow cool air on her neck, and she shivers into your body, and you’ve got her right where you want her. You pull her into your dressing room, not bothering to lock the door as you push her back against it, making her gasp.

“Did you miss me too baby?” You whisper as your hands run up and down her waist. You pull her sweater over her head, leaving her in her bra, as your hands work at her pant button.

“Y-yes,” she makes out while you work on undressing her.

“How much. Tell me how much,” you tease, as you squat down so your face comes close to her core. Your tongue trails along her stomach, kissing her soft skin as you feel her body buck forward.

“So much, so much baby...” Her hands reach for your hair, guiding you closer. You smirk at her action, and you decide to tease her. You use your teeth to pull at her underwear and you slowly pull them down. You hold her gaze while doing so, making her moan loud. She was dripping already.

“Can you show me? Show me how wet you can be my pretty baby.” You smile as your tongue flicks at her entrance, and you lift her leg to place it over your shoulder. Her hands grip at your hair as you lick her again, and again and again. Her moans get louder and louder, drowning out the sound of the blasting music.

“Mm, you taste so good.” You sigh into her, and she bucks her hips in response.

“Please, y/n... I, I need more!” She cries when your tongue presses into her clit.

“No, no baby... no fingers today - I’m going to make you cum with just my mouth.” You whisper as your tongue swirls around her clit, before inserting it into her wet pussy. She cries out, her hips beginning to shake around you.

“You like that, my pretty girl? When I fuck you with just my mouth? When your cum covers my face... cum for me now baby.” You command, and you feel Soyeon let loose as she squirts on your face. She cums loudly, pulling her hair and shaking on your face, as your nose rubs her swollen clit until she’s finished.

“Such a good girl... look at me, I’m all wet.” You sigh as you lick your lips, savoring her flavour.

Soyeon’s hands reach for your arms, trying to steady herself. “You should come visit me more often!” You smile at her fucked out expression. Soyeon pulls you to her lips, smiling too.

“Yeah, maybe I should.”

93 notes · View notes

sage-nebula · 5 years

Note

I hope you dont mind my asking, but wouldn't GF have decided to remove the national dex long before LGPE released? I can see those games selling well confirming to GF that "pokemon sell well regardless of cut features" but it feels strange to blame it on LGPE when the development time on the games would suggest they made this choice awhile ago. (Not to defend lgpe lack of content) Sorry if this is a bother, I just feel like I'm missing something and would really like to understand your reasoning

For almost any other game I would agree, however for Pokémon in particular:

The National Dex (insofar as the ability to transfer old pokémon over) was never going to be a Day One feature. It’s never a Day One feature in the first games of the generation. Even if they wanted to make it one, in this case they couldn’t because Home isn’t releasing until 2020. As I’ve said in other posts, if they wanted to patch in the NatDex, they’d have the time to do it. Technically speaking, they’d have the time to do it, especially since the fanbase would be willing to wait (even if there’d be a few whiners here or there) the extra time.

Since it’s not a Day One feature, it’s something that can be worked on later in the development cycle (/can even continue to be worked on after the development cycle, or at least it could be if this series were treated with the respect of, say, The Legend of Zelda series). Again, I’m not talking about DLC that’s already on the game card that needs to be activated later, I’m talking about DLC that’s patched in, content created after that you download either to the harddrive or (though I don’t know if Switch DLC works this way specifically) onto the game card itself. Given the type of content they generally want to show early in the release cycle (the general theme / concept of the games, scenes of the various areas in the region, new ‘mon), and the fact that this would be a feature added post-release anyway, we can make a safe bet that the NatDex is something they’d work on much later in the development cycle, possibly even in the last year since, again . . . they’d have that time if they wanted to use it (and if this series was treated with genuine respect).

The Let’s Go games were stated by Masuda to be the future of the franchise if they sold well. They featured a Pokédex that was limited to only the Kanto ‘Dex, plus Meltan and Melmetal. They released in November 2018, and indeed, they sold well. In early 2019 (February, IIRC) Sword & Shield were released. While of course I don’t work at Game Freak and thus can’t say for sure, I would place money on the idea that if they were even a bit on the fence about adding the National Dex, the fact that Let’s Go sold so well despite being limited to 153 ‘mon pushed them right over the edge to, “Cut the National Dex from Sword & Shield, there’s no point in working on it.” I mean, why should they expend the effort if people will buy the games anyway? Especially when President Ishihara went on record saying that long-time fans only cared about “new pokémon and features” around the time of Let’s Go’s release. Sure, they might have already been thinking about cutting the National Dex beforehand, but Let’s Go no doubt assured them that it was a safe and correct call to make.

So that’s what I mean when I say that Let’s Go’s positive sales figures sealed all of our fates. To be entirely honest, before the National Dex announcement, I was certain that we wouldn’t see the shockwaves from Let’s Go until Gen IX. But Sword & Shield having a limited ‘Dex just like Let’s Go, and having special feature ‘mon behind $60 paywalls like Let’s Go, and having core features stripped out like Let’s Go, and the fact that it’s starting to look frighteningly like the starters won’t be able to evolve like in Let’s Go . . . the effect is pretty apparent. Sure, some of this stuff was present even before Let’s Go (namely the whole “let’s ditch useful features in the name of simplifying things” tack that Masuda has been married to for years now), but in the wake of Let’s Go, it’s success, and what Masuda said would happen if it was successful, it’s really hard not to see the link.

(Note just in case anyone read too quickly: I’m not saying the starters WON’T evolve. I’m only saying that I’m starting to fear that’s the case since we’re less than a month away from release and we haven’t even seen second stage evolutions yet. Maybe they’re just trying to keep starter evolutions a surprise, that’s entirely possible, but it’s also highly suspect, and Game Freak destroyed any trust or good faith I had in them a while back.)

As a final note, the reason why I say that the Pokémon games aren’t treated with respect is . . . well, there are a few reasons:

Game Freak stated themselves that they put their B Team on Sword & Shield while their A Team worked on Little Town Hero. They also said they wanted to create something, “as exciting, or perhaps even more exciting” than Pokémon. They’re tired of working on Pokémon, and it shows. Which, I mean, I get it, it’s been 20+ years, but in that case tell Nintendo so that they can shift the main games over to another studio. I get that Game Freak was created for the sole purpose of making Pokémon, and maybe Taijiri-san is pissed at how you’re disrespecting his baby (I would be), but for the good of the series, if you don’t want to work on it, give it to someone who does. Don’t just shift it onto your bare bones secondary dev team.

These games are in a hellish development cycle where a new one is popped out every year. Contrast this to The Legend of Zelda where, while we’ve had some anomalies where assets were able to be largely reused and so games came out only a couple years apart (see: Ocarina of Time to Majora’s Mask) --- even that had two or three years before releases, not one the very next year. Most mainline Zelda games spend five or six years in development. I’m fully aware that we will likely be waiting until something like 2022 for Breath of the Wild 2, and I am prepared to wait that time because I know the game we get will be incredible. Granted, I’m going to be dying every single time they announce a release date to push it back, but it’ll be a death I’m grateful for because I will know that the end product will be worth it. The Pokémon games used to have a similar luxury. While there were a grand total of five games released during that time (with “five games” being used loosely, given that one was a slight upgrade and the other four were really two games with slight differences between versions), Gen IV lasted for a grand total of four years. We had Diamond & Pearl in 2006, Platinum in 2008, HeartGold & SoulSilver in 2009, and then finally, Black & White in 2010. By contrast, Gen VII didn’t even last three years, technically. I mean, this November would be its third anniversary, but that’s when Gen VIII officially starts instead. To be fair, it could be argued that Gen IV didn’t have a full four years since it came out in September 2006, and Gen V came out in September 2010. But even if you make that argument, it still had a full year on Gen VII, and to be honest, that showed. The Sinnoh games are far and away not my faves, but they were still full of content. HeartGold & SoulSilver are often considered to be the best remakes in the entire franchise, and considering the content that was cut from OmegaRuby & AlphaSapphire and Masuda’s reasoning for why that content was cut, I can’t exactly argue with that even though I did genuinely enjoy ORAS. And the games that Gen IV ushered in? Controversial opinion, but I think that the Pokémon games peaked with Gen V. Black & White not only initially had a ‘dex that was nothing but new pokémon (and yet STILL included the Nat Dex later, because in Masuda’s own words he felt it cruel to keep people from playing with their faves forever!), but it also introduced a METRIC TON of new mechanics, some of which we no longer get to use (Rotation Battles? Game Freak doesn’t know her). Who knows what exactly Game Freak did with that extra year, but it was clearly a lot of work given how wonderful the games were in Gen IV and Gen V. The extra dev time showed.By contrast, Gen VII got 2.5 years (or 3 if you’re being generous). Every single game released during this gen had massive content cuts, even when comparing to Gen VI, which also had massive content cuts. Mechanics were stripped away, and Ultra Sun & Ultra Moon technically didn’t have a NatDex either, but at least you could still have all of your ‘mon in them at a later date if you wanted to. Now with Sword & Shield, we don’t even have that, despite the Switch being far more powerful than the 3DS. (We also don’t have Mega Evolution for whatever godforsaken reason, even though the Kanto Mega Evolutions at the very least were already used in Let’s Go, the fuck, Game Freak). Pokémon games print money and always have, and Game Freak has taken this and their lack of interest in the series to the depressing but I suppose logical extreme of “do whatever and they’ll buy it anyway.” There’s no love here, there’s no respect here. They just don’t care anymore, and as someone who does care an awful lot, it’s super upsetting to me.

And while people have tried to argue that the games can’t be delayed because of the anime or the card game or whatever else:

The games come first. They’ve always come first. I know some people mistakenly think that the anime came first and that the games were created later, but that is 100% false. Pokémon started as a game series and the anime was created to advertise the games, straight up.

Filler episodes exist, and the PokéAni is no stranger to them. The Orange Islands arc was an entire arc of filler created to pad time between Gens I and II. The Delacora Islands (or whatever they were called) was a filler arc meant to pad time between Gens V and VI. Arguably the majority of the Sun & Moon anime was filler, given its slice-of-life genre, meaning the anime was even less of an excuse not to delay Sword & Shield. You can’t tell me people wouldn’t have been happy with another year of the Alola crew running around getting into random adventures. People would have eaten that up and loved it. We could have had it all.

I’m not even going to dignify “but the card game” with a response lmao. This isn’t Yu-Gi-Oh!. Sure, the card game makes money, and probably a decent amount of it (merch sales probably make up the franchise’s greatest source of income, and as someone who easily spent several hundred dollars in two weeks at the PokéCenters in Japan---including over $100 in one trip to a PokéCenter while I was there, and we went multiple times---I am a big part of that), but they come up with bullshit new expansions all the time and could easily keep doing it. Again, not a reason to delay the games if the games need more time in development.

So all in all, at the end of the day, Game Freak is no longer treating these games with love and respect, which makes them an awful lot like the villains in the games they create. The Let’s Go games were harbingers of disaster for the games, and we were told this very plainly, and just about no one listened. In fact, I legitimately lost friendships with people who got mad at me for making Facebook statuses about how they should buy Let’s Go used if they absolutely had to have them because how DARE I believe Ishihara when he said that Let’s Go were considered core titles, and how DARE I believe Masuda when he said that Let’s Go would usher in the last twenty years of the franchise. Clearly, I was just being an ugly bitch. (I wish I was exaggerating, but this actually happened, I got blocked over it, it was ridiculous.) And now here we are as a result, with no hope of things getting better unless Nintendo forcibly rips Pokémon out of Game Freak’s hands, which I don’t even think they can legally do given that they only own 1/3rd of the IP. (The other 2/3rds belong to Game Freak and Creatures Inc., as I understand it.)

TL;DR:

Pokémon is still my favorite fictional fantasy world, but as someone who has always loved the games first and foremost, the current state of it depresses me to no end.

#this kind of got off the original topic but i hope it's coherent at least #pokemon salt #pokemon negativity #long post for ts #Anonymous

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incorrectchoniberonicaswangs · 5 years

Text

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 7: gays you ever just ahsnfdjsl?? part 1

Chapter Summary: Holiday parties are planned, Cheryl and Toni are Kevin's sapphic moms, an intervention is held, Alice and Hermione are adorable and everyone loves them, Kangs has some news, and Sweet Pea runs away from his problems.

Notes: theMANtle: reggie

ao3

Friday, 3:17 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: its winter break!! finally a respite from the chaos!!

jugheadalones: im so excited!

hbicheryl: hold up, hobo is excited about something??

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^ jones are you sick

jugheadalones: okay, first of all fuck you

jugheadalones: second of all im excited to return to the near-comatose state i maintain every time we have a long period of time off from school

nopeaz: that makes more sense

veroffica: as enjoyable as that likely is to you, holden caulfield, it won't be happening this break. i'm hosting a christmas eve party at the pembrooke starting at 8:00 pm and you are all invited.

veroffica: and you'd better all show up, or else i'll sic my new bodyguard on you.

goingtoheller: i assume you mean betty.

wannabett: guilty :/

spillthefogarTEA: ill be there. and NOT because of your threats

spillthefogarTEA: even though betty is kind of intimidating

goingtoheller: i'll come as well.

nopeaz: cher and ill come too

hisshissmotherfucker: i love parties im there

jugheadalones: i dont suppose i really have a choice do i?

wannabett: not really. sorry jug

jugheadalones: fine.

hbicheryl: speaking of holiday parties

hbicheryl: new years eve party, thistlehouse, time tbd, if you arent there youre dead to me

veroffica: b and i will be there.

spillthefogarTEA: me too

goingtoheller: i'll be there.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hear cheryls parties are infamously dramatic

hisshissmotherfucker: so im definitely coming

hisshissmotherfucker: as long as i dont end up doing seven minutes in heaven with archie like veronica

veroffica: will nobody ever let me forget that??

hisshissmotherfucker: nope

jugheadalones: why do all these party invites come with threats of retribution if you dont attend?

hbicheryl: bc if there wasnt then youd never come

jugheadalones: ill come. begrudgingly.

nopeaz: and ofc ill be there obviously

jugheadalones: wait am i missing something? why is that obvious?

hbicheryl: oh right we didnt tell you lol

hbicheryl: tt moved in with me

goingtoheller: WHAT??

goingtoheller: my sapphic moms moved in together aND I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA??

hisshissmotherfucker: why is keller suddenly chonis kid when did this happen??

hbicheryl: please kevin is basically toni and i's love child

hbicheryl: he has my sass (well not as good as mine but hes trying), my gayness, and my strange desire for dumbass serpents

nopeaz: and my propensity for saying 'this is riveting i cant breathe'

goingtoheller: aw, thanks, moms! mostly! :)

nopeaz: no problem son

hbicheryl: yes we are very proud of you kev (mostly)

jugheadalones: huh i never actually thought about it but that... works?

wannabett: okay cheryl and toni are like the least qualified people here to be anyones lesbian moms?? theyre literally gang members??

hbicheryl: stfu nightmare smurfette do not EVER criticize my parenting skills

hbicheryl: toni and i have slaved for weeks, even MONTHS to make sure that kevin turns into a proper young gay man

hbicheryl: and you have the AUDACITY to suggest that just because my gf and i are deeply flawed people we would corrupt poor kevin??

wannabett: uh... no?

hbicheryl: thats what i thought

nopeaz: wow angry cheryl is scary but hot

spillthefogarTEA: topaz, you are so whipped

spillthefogarTEA: and REALLY fucking gay

nopeaz: yeah ik

jugheadalones: moving on

jugheadalones: speaking of people taking a big step and deciding to live with each other... betty and veronica, we need to talk.

veroffica: um... what?

veroffica: is this some sort of intervention?

hisshissmotherfucker: yes

spillthefogarTEA: moving in together might be considered friendly if, say, betty didnt already have a house that she lives in

nopeaz: but this decision is beyond simple friendship

hbicheryl: and its certainly anything but heterosexual

wannabett: why are you guys finishing each others sentences?? did you plan this??

hisshissmotherfucker: no shit sherlock

veroffica: how do you guys even have this information??

goingtoheller: we have our ways.

wannabett: archie somehow saw our texts through my window

wannabett: jughead told me last night, sorry i didnt tell you v, i didnt know that this was going to happen

nopeaz: dammit jones why do you have to ruin all our fun!!

jugheadalones: i didnt realize that this was a rule?

jugheadalones: so anyway

jugheadalones: b&v, now that you have been confronted with cold hard proof of your undying love for each other, what do you have to say for yourselves?

wannabett: guys im straight!!

goingtoheller: ooh, betty's pulling the straight card.

hbicheryl: i called it! tt, sp, fangs, and jughead, you all owe me $10

hbicheryl: cousin betty is nothing if not predictable in the face of her sexuality being questioned

veroffica: hey, you made bets on this?? not cool!

wannabett: ^^^^

wannabett: and i am NOT predictable!!

hbicheryl: i predicted she was going to say that

hbicheryl: thats another $10 guys

hisshissmotherfucker: for once i trusted in someones willingness to admit when they were wrong and now because of that cheryl is robbing us blind! smh never again

spillthefogarTEA: veronica? you never answered the question

veroffica: uh...

veroffica: i mean, um...

veroffica: we've never even kissed! i'm pretty sure we aren't dating!

nopeaz: to be fair though i wouldnt be surprised if you two were dating without knowing it

veroffica: guys, now really isn't a good time.

jugheadalones: mmmhmm

wannabett: no seriously v and i are getting ready for the christmas eve party

wannabett: its in three days remember

hbicheryl: ugh fine i suppose thats a reasonable explanation

veroffica: and since i know that you won't let this go, at the party you can ask us whatever you want about this.

goingtoheller: wait... for real?

wannabett: uh yeah really v??

veroffica: within reason, of course.

spillthefogarTEA: wow this is more than i expected to come from this

veroffica: one condition, though. you can't pester b and i about it before the party.

veroffica: deal?

hisshissmotherfucker: deal

wannabett: now that thats settled v and i are going to get to work

veroffica: we'll probably be off the grid until maybe a few hours before the party.

[wannabett is offline]

[veroffica is offline]

hbicheryl: toni and i are already headed over to pops, anyone want to join us?

jugheadalones: wont we just be three-wheeling?

hbicheryl: not if we are in a large group

hisshissmotherfucker: ill come if you come jones

jugheadalones: sure.

hisshissmotherfucker: ill be there in five

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: kevin, fangs?

spillthefogarTEA: im good

goingtoheller: ^^

nopeaz: okay otw

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: leaving now

[jugheadalones is offline]

6:35 PM

nopeaz: GUYS YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHO JUST WALKED IN

spillthefogarTEA: who is it??

spillthefogarTEA: tell me you know im not good with suspense!!

jugheadalones: its alice cooper and hermione lodge!

hisshissmotherfucker: it seems as though archies intel was correct again

hisshissmotherfucker: damn that omniscient fucking northsider

hbicheryl: now i really wish that betty and veronica werent offline so they could hear about this

goingtoheller: why? do you hate them?

hbicheryl: hate is a strong word

hbicheryl: id say that i just occasionally want them to suffer

goingtoheller: that isn't much better...

hbicheryl: i guess ill just have to wait until the party to tell them

nopeaz: okay so they just got a booth and its basically diagonal from ours

jugheadalones: but theyre so enamoured with each other i dont think they even noticed that were here

hbicheryl: wow i dont think ive ever seen aunt alice this happy before

spillthefogarTEA: ugh this sounds so adorable i wish i was there

hisshissmotherfucker: dont worry well narrate their every movement so well itll be like you are

nopeaz: oh shit they keep reaching for each other like every five seconds

spillthefogarTEA: im WEAK

jugheadalones: its so hard to believe that they ever hated each other with the way theyre acting now

jugheadalones: homophobia can really fuck shit up huh

goingtoheller: this is the couple i never knew i needed, but now that i have seen that it's possible, i'm in love.

hisshissmotherfucker: im in shock i cant believe that the same alice cooper that grounded her daughter from any and all contact with the outside world is now just essentially the personification of heart eyes

hbicheryl: this town is so small were all basically inbred

hbicheryl: next thing you know fp and fred are going to be fucking too

jugheadalones: okay i did NOT need that image

nopeaz: AHHHH THEY WENT IN FOR A KISS MAYDAY MAYDAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL

spillthefogarTEA: AHHHHH

goingtoheller: AHHHHHHH

nopeaz: AHHHHHHH

jugheadalones: even i, being asexual and aromantic, have to admit that im loving living vicariously through these two

hisshissmotherfucker: k so they stopped

hisshissmotherfucker: wait no theyre kissing again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: okay now theyre just making out

nopeaz: get it girl(s)

hbicheryl: its getting pretty heated

hbicheryl: it feels like the windows are going to start fogging up

jugheadalones: oh damn they stopped

jugheadalones: ms cooper is waving pop over now

goingtoheller: is it creepy that we're so invested in their date?

spillthefogarTEA: probably not

hisshissmotherfucker: nah

jugheadalones: lets go with no

nopeaz: nope

hbicheryl: its only creepy if we get turned on

goingtoheller: moving on... what's happening now??

nopeaz: they got the check and now theyre paying

nopeaz: they can barely keep their hands off of each other

nopeaz: now theyre leaving

nopeaz: should i follow them to keep narrating?

goingtoheller: won't they notice??

jugheadalones: no theyve only got eyes for each other

jugheadalones: follow them SUBTLY while we hold down the table

nopeaz: roger that

hbicheryl: youre such a nerd

nopeaz: you love it

hbicheryl: duh

hbicheryl: now follow them!!

nopeaz: already doing it

nopeaz: so they made it to their car

nopeaz: okay wow wasnt expecting that but im not complaining

spillthefogarTEA: whats happening???

nopeaz: alice just shoved hermione up against the car door and now theyre hardcore making out

nopeaz: damn i wonder if theyre even going to get home or if theyre just going to do it in the parking lot

hisshissmotherfucker: i cant believe alice cooper and mayor lodge BOTH have better sex lives than i do wtf

goingtoheller: who knew that hermione lodge was such a bottom??

hbicheryl: well you know what they say about people in positions of power

hbicheryl: top in the streets bottom in the sheets

jugheadalones: wait cheryl that could apply to you as well

spillthefogarTEA: ooh is the class president getting the strap from the vice president

nopeaz: fuck off fangs

nopeaz: okay so they finally managed to regain some semblance of control

nopeaz: aaaaand theyre driving away

nopeaz: shows over folks

hbicheryl: lets clear out men

nopeaz: meet me by the bike cher

hbicheryl: be there in a sec babe xx

jugheadalones: wait are you telling me that cheryl blossom rode a motorcycle??

hisshissmotherfucker: yeah red i thought you said they were death traps

hbicheryl: well yeah but that was before i got on it

hbicheryl: its like a giant vibrator

hbicheryl: and riding it with toni is basically just the most acceptable type of public sex

goingtoheller: gross.

hisshissmotherfucker: never thought id agree with keller but yeah tmi

nopeaz: whatever

nopeaz: bye fuckers see you all at veronicas party

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: im headed out too

[jugheadalones is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: me too

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Monday, 6:43 PM

wannabett: b&v are back bitches!!

veroffica: and, looking through the chat from the past few days... i'm glad i was gone.

wannabett: although now i know what 'hot date' my mom was talking about :/

wannabett: even though i never wanted to know

wannabett: some things are best kept secret especially when your mom goes out on a date with your best friends mom!!

hbicheryl: youre welcome :)

veroffica: cheryl, at this very moment, i simultaneously respect, despise, and fear you.

hbicheryl: aw thanks thats what im always going for!

veroffica: anyway, the party will be starting in an hour or so, but some of my relatives will be over in the meantime. if you've got anything to say that doesn't involve the date my mom and betty's mom have, feel free. if you don't, go to hell.

hisshissmotherfucker: hey im in the neighborhood and i dont have anything else to do would you mind if i came over now

veroffica: sure thing!

hisshissmotherfucker: are you sure your relatives will be fine with me being there?

veroffica: yeah. i mean, betty's here too anyway!

hisshissmotherfucker: k

6:48 PM

goingtoheller + veroffica

goingtoheller: hey, would you happen to have some time you could set away during the party? fangs and i have an announcement we'd like to make.

veroffica: sure thing, kev. how does around 10 sound?

goingtoheller: perfect. thanks, v!

veroffica: no problem.

7:22 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: rn betty looks like she cant decide whether to be a guard dog or an excited puppy lmao

jugheadalones: context?

hisshissmotherfucker: veronicas greeting her relatives and bettys following her so closely shes practically stepping on her heels

goingtoheller: well, v is definitely holding betty's leash.

nopeaz: yeah veronicas got her by the collar

spillthefogarTEA: if betty doesnt watch her step then shes really going to be in the doghouse

wannabett: stop with the dog puns!! i am not a dog!!

hbicheryl: okay but you have to admit those were pretty good

wannabett: i will admit no such thing! now if youll excuse me im going to go back to talking to ronnies relatives with her

[wannabett is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: i guess ill keep you all informed on their gay shenanigans

nopeaz: who even says shenanigans anymore??

hisshissmotherfucker: uh i do fight me

nopeaz: square up bitch

hbicheryl: if i had a dollar for every time tt and sp said that they were going to fight i would have enough money to rebuild thornhill

goingtoheller: cheryl, you're the one who burned it down in the first place.

hbicheryl: yes and??

goingtoheller: ...nevermind.

hisshissmotherfucker: im snoRTING

jugheadalones: what happened?

hisshissmotherfucker: so veronica was talking to one of her relatives right

hisshissmotherfucker: and the relative asks her if she has a boyfriend

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica laughs a little and says no so her relative looks at betty whos still trailing behind her like a shadow

hisshissmotherfucker: and knowingly says "oh i see, a girlfriend"

spillthefogarTEA: ajklfshagak i cant even

hisshissmotherfucker: both of them are sputtering uncontrollably unable to formulate a response im dying

hbicheryl: ahahah it was only a matter of time before something like this happened but im really glad it did

nopeaz: i mean relatives are supposed to know you better than anyone else right?

jugheadalones: oh b&v you oblivious wlw

goingtoheller: we're never letting them let this down, are we?

spillthefogarTEA: not a chance

hisshissmotherfucker: IT GOT BETTER

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica finally managed to speak and she (unconvincingly) insisted that she and betty were just friends etc etc and her relative just raised her eyebrows and went "mmhm"

nopeaz: drag themmmmm

hbicheryl: omg we stan

hisshissmotherfucker: im trying to stifle my laughter bc betty and veronica look like they want to murder me

hisshissmotherfucker: but you know what screw it its worth it

hisshissmotherfucker: oh shit bettys coming over here and she looks pissed

hisshissmotherfucker: hello punks, this is betty. i hope youve had your fun listening to sweet pea narrate everything but now im taking his phone and wont be giving it back until the party starts

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: awww

goingtoheller: at least the party starts soon anyway. then, i'm sure we'll get even more beronica fodder.

jugheadalones: true

hbicheryl: see you then losers

spillthefogarTEA: back at ya cheryl

7:48 PM

nopeaz: cher and i are on our way

goingtoheller: fangs and i are leaving now.

jugheadalones: and im at your door at this very moment

jugheadalones: let me in

jugheadalones: okay great im in

hisshissmotherfucker: and i just got my phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: i will not stand for this tyranny! this is a republic not a monarchy!

wannabett: keep it up and im taking your phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: the oppression continues...

wannabett: sweet pea...

hisshissmotherfucker: fine

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

veroffica: now, let's get this party started!

10:03 PM

spillthefogarTEA: hey guys i know this is fun and exciting and all but would you mind congregating out in the living room? ive got some news

hisshissmotherfucker: anything for my best bro

jugheadalones: sure thing

10:07 PM

hisshissmotherfucker + theMANtle

hisshissmotherfucker: hey mantle are you free rn

theMANtle: yeah, you want me to come over to your trailer?

hisshissmotherfucker: yep im on my way there too

hisshissmotherfucker: see you in ten?

theMANtle: none of your friends will be there, right?

hisshissmotherfucker: nah theyre all still at veronicas party they wont even notice that im gone

theMANtle: not that im complaining, but why arent you?

hisshissmotherfucker: i needed a break

theMANtle: so you were hoping that i could help you blow off some steam? ;)

hisshissmotherfucker: that was the general idea

theMANtle: youre in luck, then. i currently have a lot of free time and what many call an impressive amount of stamina.

hisshissmotherfucker: perfect

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

10:15 PM

gays united

spillthefogarTEA: hey has anyone seen sweet pea? i could have sworn that i saw him before kevin and i made our announcement but now i cant find him anywhere

nopeaz: hes probably just in the bathroom or brooding in the corner somewhere

hbicheryl: dont worry about him just celebrate! youve officially got a new boyfriend!

spillthefogarTEA: "dont worry about him" have you MET me??

goingtoheller: babe, he probably just got bored and bailed.

goingtoheller: i know that he's your best friend, but he isn't who you're dating--i am. can't you forget about sweet pea for a little while and just relax?

spillthefogarTEA: i guess so

goingtoheller: great!

spillthefogarTEA: ill just text sp real quick and attempt to verify that hes still alive first

goingtoheller: whatever you need to do, fangs. i'll see you afterward.

10:19 PM

spillthefogarTEA + hisshissmotherfucker

spillthefogarTEA: hey sweets, i just wanted to make sure you didnt do anything stupid

spillthefogarTEA: i know that you arent kevins biggest fan, but youre my best friend and i dont want to lose you over him

spillthefogarTEA: i wish you were here to celebrate with me but i get it if you cant

spillthefogarTEA: please, just text me back whenever you see this to let me know that youre okay.

[spillthefogarTEA is offline]

10:41 PM

hisshissmotherfucker: thanks for being so understanding fangs but ngl i dont know if i can handle you dating keller

hisshissmotherfucker: i mean like you said

hisshissmotherfucker: we're best friends

hisshissmotherfucker: so i shouldnt have a problem with you going out with whoever you want

hisshissmotherfucker: but something about him just rubs me the wrong way

hisshissmotherfucker: sorry if that wasnt what you wanted to hear

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Notes: Sorry, this was supposed to just be a long holiday chapter, but I had so many ideas I had to split it into two. Bear with me, please! Also, happy new year, gays! As 20gayteen comes to a close, I hope you find even more peace, prosperity, and (of course) bisexuality in 20biteen!!

48 notes · View notes

ocean-skies · 6 years

Text

open journal entry

I have definitely been struggling to write this all down... between my distractions and my pride, i have too much and not enough to write down. At first, I was going to completely dig up everything... I was gonna touch more on the toxic relationship I just removed myself from, and kind of vent about the existential i guess realizations i haven't really explained all of to anyone. i've been nervous about someone seeing my innermost thoughts(why not keep it to myself? kept in secret in my own journal) but maybe it can help someone to share some of it. maybe it will help me. or maybe i should do it just because it takes me out of my comfort zone. anyways, im just gonna jump into it and get hella personal before i overthink it more so if i know you personally, this isn’t exactly something I feel is healthy to dwell and talk on anymore after this. even though the story of the end of my relationship with my ex last month goes a long while before this, what started to turn my life upside down recently was when i started short term therapy, which i'm hoping to increase. i thought it would help to go to get some advice on coping with my anxiety, and secretly, to get some objective advice on what i was only beginning to suspect was a toxic relationship. my counselor pointed out to me the emotional manipulation i was being subjected to, and why i was letting it happen... she pointed me in a direction that would start to change my entire perspective on my life. when i told her about the way my mother is and was to me growing up, she pointed out to me how spot on the way i turned out ended up being when you're the daughter of a mother with narcissistic personality disorder. why i have so much anxiety and why i'm such a pushover and especially susceptible to not just attracting toxic relationships in my life, but desiring them. the familiar is most comfortable, whether it's what is healthy for us or not, and recognition of that has only been the first step. I began after this to really analyze everyone in my life, especially my gf at the time. I knew I was being taken for granted, and that i was not taking a lot of red flags as seriously as i should have. But I didn't even know where to begin to address it. The battles i faced daily for 18 years of my life shaped me into someone who avoids confrontation as a means of survival. i have gotten better, and i thought i was past the point of not being able to speak up and say no to things that make me uncomfortable, but it's still a struggle. as experiences where im taken advantage of make me ever more uncomfortable, i get a little closer each time to handling it the right way. Sometimes, it takes an especially frustrating experience to really push me, such as one i had with a new friend at a kickback who took advantage of my inability to be firm especially while intoxicated so she could continue unwanted physical sexual contact. i felt uncomfortably taken advantage of, as small of a transgression as it was, and it was because i recognized how weak i was through my submission to someone I was supposed to be comfortable with because of my fear of offense, of saying no. that same get together, i grew close with a girl i met there, and i started to repeat the toxic cycle I find myself in. right in front of me i saw myself growing towards someone absolutely unavailable, which i realized was one of my problems- i was seeking the (especially emotionally) unavailable. all of this happened throughout the end of may into june, while I was in an open relationship with my ex who barely talked to me, but that wasn't even the beginning of my journey with addressing what was in front of me with them and finding the strength to let go. It broke my heart to let go, and i still feel guilty to have been the one to ask for my ex back last january and then be the one to give up this last june, but i know what is going to be healthiest for me. I was fighting for someone emotionally unavailable who led me on that they could be open, and that they could change. I ignored all the early red flags, like the blatant and serious lying, feeling myself turn into someone I didn’t want to be, their serious inability to commit and lack of respect held for me as well as being taken for granted. Their inability to communicate, even when we needed it most and more lies and excuses for inexcusable behavior. I fell victim to the sweet promise of change, of going back to the way things were before true colors were shown. I ignored for so long what it meant when they could make time for their friends but never for me, not even when we had not seen or hardly spoken to eachother in weeks, with our interactions slowly diminished into them being glued to their phone when we would finally get to hang out, mostly ignoring my repeated attempts at conversation for a couple hours until they wanted me to fuck them. i feel sad that i put so much energy towards someone who wanted me to fight for them, who expected me to run after them, yet still refused to even look back or fight for me when i was the one leaving. refused to even react, just sit in their room and be fine. Its only been an affirmation of toxicity. giving up is hard for me, and giving up the love i feel for someone is the hardest decision i have ever made, but the sickness in my relationship made it easy, once i started to recognize it and see that I deserve an equally reciprocated love. i was stuck on all this for a while, but now the wounds are healing and i can assess the damage and try to grow. i have always had a big soft heart, a softness someone would be lucky to have despite the pain I have endured. But my heart is finally too tired of trying to be loved- it's grown cold in a way that that i'm reluctant to recover from. Ive come to terms that my mother will never love me unconditionally, and the same with my father, and with it is my drive to believe in and seek out a love like that elsewhere, a love that could match the kind I want so badly to give. I finally know what its like to have walls up in my heart that have a solid foundation, walls that even I, who alone knows every weakness in it, can see it as almost to impenetrable for comfort. I have no desire anymore for those who can't show me that i'm wanted just as equally in their life, a desire that has me leaving many behind. I've begun the recognition stage with everyone in my life now, and i'm learning the value of watching for the people who genuinely want me in their lives enough to make real effort and letting go of those who don't have my best interests in mind and can't participate in a healthy and equal giving/reciprocating relationship. but managing my relationships is only a small sliver of my journey, and counseling has taught me that. the solution to all of my problems lies within myself already. when i hit rock bottom i realized just how much weight i put into my relationships, and especially the wrong ones, and that has been a major building block for my journey. learning to love myself, by myself, is just as important to my healing process as identifying the issues that come from my upbringing. learning to peacefully live with myself, which includes my anxieties and shortcomings, is the only way to start a path away from choosing the wrong people in my life, and letting them affect me so greatly. i can't focus on someone else in the way they deserve without first coming from a healthy mindset ready to take on that challenge. i've been improving and working on that, and progress has definitely been good 👌🏼i'm no longer self harming and having ideations because of anyone else's actions, and i've finally got a crucial lesson through my head: nobody except for myself is going to make me better. no amount of anyone else's advice or support will make me secure enough in myself to overcome my anxiety, and i can't wait for someone to come along and help me, i have to do it myself and move on. because nobody will be there, that sign will never come and i only have myself for sure in my life, and only I can go that extra mile for myself. i have to work on the very way i think, and i can't blame myself for the steps i have to take to get there. it's hard not comparing my journey to someone else's but i have to remember that my journey towards happiness is mine alone, and learning to be happy alone is the first step. it's been hard for those who know me to understand when i work on being alone, and i do feel sorry for how not responding to them can make them feel but i know what i need to do in my daily life to work on overall happiness and to maintain my emotional individuality, as it's something i'm often too quick to give up. so that's it's for now, this was a long one lol and i don't think i'll edit it since i'm tired of writing so i'll start smaller stuff later

#personal

1 note · View note

admirablemushroom · 3 years

Text

chat with a stranger

[7:43 PM] ttd29: Tell me more about him [7:43 PM] ttd29: What is it that you like so much about this guy who doesnt respond to your needs? [7:43 PM] Theodore: ok so we met by playing dota2 together [7:44 PM] Theodore: he was a very nice guy who didn't scold me for feeding the enemies [7:44 PM] ttd29: Ok great start

[7:44 PM] Theodore: so for some reason i asked him his fb and we started to become friends [7:45 PM] Theodore: at the time i was dating a girl [7:45 PM] Theodore: i sent a few memes to him [7:45 PM] Theodore: u know, from r/suddenlygay, etc [7:46 PM] ttd29: Wait you’re bi? [7:46 PM] Theodore: you can say so... [7:46 PM] ttd29: Lol interesting [7:46 PM] ttd29: Anyway go on [7:47 PM] Theodore: i usually go by being gay in order to avoid surprise moments like this [7:47 PM] Theodore: anyway [7:47 PM] Theodore: we got closer and closer [7:48 PM] Theodore: i even asked him how to kiss a girl before i got that girl [7:48 PM] Theodore: then one day he was comfortable enof to admit that he's bi [7:49 PM] Theodore: and i eventually dumped my ex-gf bc i was an asshole [7:50 PM] Theodore: in my defense i felt tired to fake my masculinity [7:50 PM] ttd29: No need to defend yourself [7:50 PM] ttd29: At least you didnt cheat [7:50 PM] Theodore: then a few days later i met him in a coffee shop [7:50 PM] Theodore: that was our first meeting [7:51 PM] Theodore: and we started hanging out more often [7:51 PM] Theodore: after 2 meetings, we became boyfriends [7:53 PM] Theodore: ok after this point there was no major event [7:53 PM] Theodore: he also gave me a book 'call me by ur name' [7:53 PM] ttd29: How long did you guys date? [7:54 PM] Theodore: in the book, he signed "you're the best thing that ever happened to me" [7:54 PM] Theodore: the book has been given away to one of my friends [7:55 PM] Theodore: i can go on about how disgusting that book is but maybe another time [7:55 PM] Theodore: (not his fault, Andre aciman's fault) [7:55 PM] Theodore: then i took a 6-month exchange study [7:55 PM] Theodore: so we maintained our communication online [7:56 PM] Theodore: after getting back to vn, we went out together again [7:56 PM] Theodore: then we had arguments about this and that, i remember i was a pretty rude guy and i raised my tone a lot of times.... [7:57 PM] Theodore: must've been tiring for him to go thru all that [7:58 PM] Theodore: at the peak of the conflict, one day we were arguing about something i dont remember but pretty sure i started first [7:58 PM] Theodore: he left in the middle of the convo to play video games [7:58 PM] Theodore: which i was very angry and sad [7:59 PM] Theodore: but he also quit the match to talk to me [7:59 PM] Theodore: and u know, i was not a considerate person, i usually started a fight and made a fuss about anything [8:00 PM] Theodore: and when im stressed, i write a lot [8:00 PM] Theodore: and when i write a lot, whoever read it gets stressed too [8:01 PM] Theodore: ok i see u went offline lol, prolly u got stressed too [8:02 PM] ttd29: Lol relax [8:03 PM] ttd29: I just took a shower [8:04 PM] ttd29: And then after that what happened? [8:05 PM] Theodore: wait me, i need to finish the monstrosity i cooked [8:06 PM] ttd29: =))))) [8:06 PM] ttd29: Oke [8:20 PM] Theodore: ok so at one point i just straight up told him dont talk to me anymore [8:20 PM] Theodore: which i very regret til this day [8:21 PM] Theodore: after that text, he never answered me again [8:21 PM] Theodore: he didn't respond to anything [8:21 PM] Theodore: basically he ghosted me [8:21 PM] ttd29: For a year??? [8:22 PM] Theodore: yes [8:22 PM] Theodore: i had been through a lot of confusion, anger, self hate, regret, depression, you name it [8:22 PM] ttd29: And he never talked to you again until now? [8:23 PM] Theodore: i kept messaging him for months, until July last year i told him this would be my last text (it wasn't), which he also didnt read [8:24 PM] Theodore: and a few days ago my depression hit me so bad i had to bring up that shit again [8:24 PM] Theodore: this time i talked with a mutual friend of us [8:25 PM] Theodore: along the lines i told my fren that 'the only reason i haven't commit suicide is because my mom would be sad if i did' [8:25 PM] Theodore: my fren told my ex that i wanted to commit suicide... [8:25 PM] Theodore: -.- [8:25 PM] ttd29: Quào [8:25 PM] ttd29: Okay [8:26 PM] ttd29: Great friend [8:26 PM] ttd29: =)) [8:26 PM] ttd29: After that then what happened [8:27 PM] Theodore: anyway, i also sent him a few words that said 'i dont understand how things went wrong but im sure whatever my mistakes are, i am not deserved to be ghosted for a year like this' [8:27 PM] Theodore: after i filed a request to delete my fb account [8:27 PM] Theodore: so i told my fren find some way to make him read my last message before the account got deleted completely [8:28 PM] Theodore: actually he completed what i asked him to do, but the way he did it was a bit questionable wasn't it [8:28 PM] Theodore: in some way, he distorted what i said about suicide [8:29 PM] ttd29: Yeah that was totally not cool [8:29 PM] Theodore: anyway, my ex sent me an email to apologize bc i blocked him on all media [8:29 PM] Theodore: before i received the email, i felt like i was reborn [8:30 PM] Theodore: that i could finally give up the past and move on to the new chapter [8:30 PM] Theodore: but then... the email =.= [8:30 PM] Theodore: i just wanted him to read, i didn't want an answer anymore [8:30 PM] Theodore: it is too late for an answer [8:31 PM] Theodore: anyway i got stressed again and my emails sent to him got longer and longer [8:32 PM] Theodore: he eventually responded that he was super tired with this way of talking of mine and that's one of the reasons he gave up the relationship [8:32 PM] Theodore: i guess he had a point, i sometimes feel like im overdramatic about things [8:32 PM] Theodore: and yes when im stressed i'd write a lot and talk a lot [8:32 PM] ttd29: Yeah well [8:33 PM] ttd29: Now where are you guys? [8:33 PM] ttd29: Still exchanging emails? [8:33 PM] Theodore: so fast forward a few emails, i got friendlier and finally connected to him on discord [8:34 PM] Theodore: i dont really use discord but im not ready to reconnect with him on any other platform [8:34 PM] Theodore: so this is the choice [8:35 PM] ttd29: And you guys are talking normally now? [8:35 PM] Theodore: i guess??? idk, i dont feel that way [8:35 PM] Theodore: but, as i said, his mom is going thru cancer treatment [8:35 PM] Theodore: so he must be very busy and, in his words, he did not have the mental capacity for this [8:36 PM] Theodore: so yeah, although i really want to get back, i still feel like im chasing him [8:36 PM] ttd29: Okay got it [8:37 PM] Theodore: id been already texting to a ghost for almost a year, now i still have to try to get his attention [8:37 PM] Theodore: but [8:37 PM] Theodore: i cant blame him because who knows what his situation right now [8:37 PM] ttd29: Was about to ask why do you want to get back together but realize that’s a redundant question lol [8:38 PM] Theodore: here [8:38 PM] Theodore: also cuz he's cute so it's not that easy :frowning: [8:38 PM] ttd29: =))) [8:38 PM] ttd29: Lol [8:39 PM] ttd29: Cute guys are abundant out there waiting for you [8:39 PM] ttd29: Anyway [8:39 PM] Theodore: just enjoy my awkward humor amidst a stressful story [8:39 PM] ttd29: I kind of understand what you’re going through [8:39 PM] ttd29: Enough to know that you wont be rational right now lol [8:39 PM] Theodore: ... [8:39 PM] Theodore: thats disappointing [8:40 PM] ttd29: If i tell you he’s not the right guy for you, would you suddenly stop wanting him? [8:40 PM] ttd29: I don’t think so [8:41 PM] Theodore: that's what u think [8:41 PM] Theodore: this afternoon u said something that was quite impressing [8:41 PM] Theodore: but now it's not cuz i forgot [8:41 PM] ttd29: :slight_smile: [8:41 PM] ttd29: I said [8:41 PM] ttd29: It’s okay to miss someone [8:42 PM] Theodore: here [8:42 PM] ttd29: But you need to be rational enough to know whether they are good for you [8:42 PM] ttd29: That’s the more important part of the equation [8:43 PM] Theodore: it's so pity to give up such a beautiful story like that, i literally could turn it into a wattpad series which makes fangirls cry out every night [8:43 PM] Theodore: what we had together was so romantic and any relationship which came after was incomparable [8:44 PM] ttd29: This right here my fren [8:44 PM] ttd29: Is why every relationship comes after are not comparable [8:45 PM] ttd29: You havent fully dealt with your shit yet so everyone else are just rebounds [8:45 PM] ttd29: You think they would cure you, but you need to cure yourself first [8:45 PM] Theodore: i never found any friends that were so compatible with me like him, let alone a lover [8:46 PM] Theodore: for real, if i had great friends, i could have just turned to my friends and never given a shit about him [8:46 PM] Theodore: but i've always been a lonely person [8:47 PM] ttd29: Do you ever think [8:47 PM] ttd29: You’re so consumed by your pain, that you’re not letting your friends in? [8:47 PM] Theodore: ive been always like this since kindergarten [8:48 PM] ttd29: Like what? [8:48 PM] Theodore: alone [8:49 PM] ttd29: Lol it’s all connected together now [8:50 PM] ttd29: You’re always alone. So once you found someone who cares, you put wayyy too much pressure on that person to care for you [8:50 PM] Theodore: wow [8:50 PM] ttd29: So they cracked [8:51 PM] ttd29: Yeah [8:51 PM] ttd29: At least that’s the vibe I got from our conversations [8:52 PM] ttd29: And then you never really let anyone in to care for you after that person left. [8:52 PM] ttd29: I’m sure your friends really care about you. But you don’t tell them how they can help you so they must be frustrated as well [8:52 PM] ttd29: Hence the suicidal distortion thingy [8:53 PM] ttd29: Maybe they were concerned and wanted to help, but didnt know how to [8:54 PM] Theodore: hmmm [8:54 PM] Theodore: w8 me, im on a phone call w mum [8:54 PM] Theodore: brb [8:54 PM] ttd29: Oke [9:12 PM] Theodore: you are right about the whole thing [9:12 PM] Theodore: i wouldn't say i didn't let anyone care me after he left [9:13 PM] Theodore: it's just hard for me to connect with someone on that deep level [9:13 PM] Theodore: i used to be quite clingy around friends who i found compatible with me [9:14 PM] Theodore: but at the end of the day, i think it's important to know that they also have their own lives [9:14 PM] Theodore: so i dont really have friends anymore, cuz i feel like im bothering them [9:15 PM] ttd29: What is this deep level that you were able to connect with the guy? [9:15 PM] Theodore: yeah i have best friends here and there but i dont find myself comfortable as i was with my ex [9:17 PM] Theodore: he's both a best friend and a lover; we shared a lot of hobbies and favorite topics, ... and also i felt like he would always be there to lend me an ear, unlike a normal friend [9:17 PM] Theodore: which has been proved to be incorrect lol [9:17 PM] ttd29: Sounds like you need a hug lol [9:18 PM] Theodore: i really appreciate that u are staying here to listen to me [9:18 PM] Theodore: and u gave some very interesting insights that no one else did [9:18 PM] Theodore: prolly becuz they didn't care enof, or they just wanted to quickly conclude my problems so they could go to sleep [9:19 PM] ttd29: Haha i’m flattered [9:19 PM] ttd29: Idk you just sound like you really need to talk this out [9:20 PM] Theodore: and now that we're connected on discord, i kept getting mixed signals from him [9:20 PM] ttd29: I believe being able to talk about our problems always help [9:20 PM] Theodore: i'm a bit obsessed to discord recently and i found myself waiting for a dm from him [9:20 PM] Theodore: :neutral_face: [9:21 PM] ttd29: You know what your problem is? [9:21 PM] Theodore: i dont want to... you know... after all the shit ive been thru, i now have to continue waiting for him [9:21 PM] ttd29: You never really get a full closure from him [9:22 PM] ttd29: I mean he just ghosted you out of the blue. Then he only came back and apologized when he thought you were going to committ suicide [9:22 PM] Theodore: yes, please continue [9:22 PM] ttd29: You never got a sincere apology [9:23 PM] Theodore: you are right... [9:23 PM] ttd29: That’s why you’re so hung up [9:23 PM] ttd29: And you got your own problems to fix to [9:23 PM] ttd29: Starting from your “clinginess” [9:24 PM] ttd29: He’s not going to fix that problem for you [9:24 PM] ttd29: And if you guys got back together, you will eventually break up again, because the root of the problem was never resolved [9:24 PM] Theodore: you are right [9:25 PM] ttd29: I don’t want to tell you what to do. But you surely deserve an in-person, sincere apology from him, for leaving you in the worst way possible [9:26 PM] Theodore: i suppose [9:26 PM] Theodore: but he's in an emotional distress, so i cant really blame him, or expect anything from him [9:26 PM] Theodore: im thinking about ending this come-back plan from my side [9:27 PM] Theodore: i think he wont give a shit lol, because he also said we would still break up if none of us changed [9:28 PM] ttd29: Yeah so if he is aware of that [9:28 PM] Theodore: i really thought i had improved myself as a person after all the regret, but now that we found out that i still have a tendency to cling to people i care about and that makes them suffocated [9:28 PM] ttd29: And if he really did love you and respect you enough, he would understand you need this, Theodore. [9:29 PM] ttd29: This is your problem that you need to work on improving [9:29 PM] Theodore: need what? an apology? [9:29 PM] ttd29: Yes [9:29 PM] ttd29: A sincere apology [9:29 PM] ttd29: Not an “i only apologize because i think you’re going to commit suicide” [9:30 PM] Theodore: you are right, the moment i knew that was the reason he apologized, i was shocked and disappointed [9:30 PM] Theodore: shall i keep waiting for anything from him? [9:30 PM] ttd29: Just text him that [9:31 PM] Theodore: no, i dont want to [9:31 PM] ttd29: :))) if i were there, I would snatch the phone from you and text him myself [9:31 PM] Theodore: u seem like a cool friend to be around :)) [9:31 PM] ttd29: You said he was mature enough to know it’s not a good idea to get back together [9:32 PM] ttd29: So be it [9:32 PM] ttd29: But he must admit he was wrong [9:32 PM] ttd29: Wrong to treat you like that [9:32 PM] Theodore: i also asked him for an in-person meeting but he declined becuz he's busy with his mom [9:33 PM] Theodore: i think it will take a long time for him to get over that, and by that time he will have forgotten about me probably lol [9:33 PM] ttd29: Or via text, or via email or whatever. [9:33 PM] ttd29: Get him to apologize sincerely [9:34 PM] Theodore: he did apologize me multiple times [9:34 PM] ttd29: Okay fine [9:34 PM] ttd29: If you’re think they’re sincere then they are [9:34 PM] Theodore: even on discord, one time he asked me how i was doing and i told him about my depression and he apologized [9:34 PM] ttd29: But if they are not then you should get one [9:34 PM] ttd29: Omg no that’s not sincere [9:34 PM] ttd29: :slight_smile: [9:34 PM] Theodore: ??? its not [9:35 PM] Theodore: how do i know [9:35 PM] ttd29: Why must his apology always be connected to your mental state [9:35 PM] Theodore: he's not capable of writing dancing words like me [9:35 PM] Theodore: idk?? [9:35 PM] Theodore: so it's not sincere... [9:36 PM] ttd29: A sincere apology should be when you guys are both in normal state [9:36 PM] ttd29: And you know that he’s really sorry for what he did [9:37 PM] ttd29: Not just because he thinks saying sorry would make you not depressed/want to commit suicide/etc [9:37 PM] Theodore: got it [9:37 PM] Theodore: aww fren thanks for helping me realize it [9:38 PM] Theodore: maybe i still have feelings for him and want us to be back so i did put the bar quite low for an apology [9:38 PM] ttd29: Lol I need to consider becoming a mental therapy [9:39 PM] ttd29: Yeah to be frank I don’t think getting back together is a good idea [9:39 PM] ttd29: You need to deal with your emotional baggage first [9:39 PM] Theodore: okay [9:39 PM] Theodore: so no waiting for him [9:39 PM] ttd29: Yeah!!!! [9:39 PM] ttd29: Work on yourself [9:40 PM] Theodore: ok... [9:40 PM] Theodore: haizzz... [9:40 PM] Theodore: such a beautiful story

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liagibasunandmoonflower · 3 years

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So, some backstory is neccessary (imo) for some of the ideas in my album to really make sense. (TRIGGER WARNING- it gets dark, and is about mental health, so if you arent in a great place maybe dont read, but it's your call)

I am the youngest of 3 biological siblings, but a total of 6 siblings, but one of them no longer remains in contact with us. And the other is incarcerared. But, my sister's are pretty freaking awesome people.(btw My parents basically raised my mom's step sister's children, so i really consider them to be my siblings). My oldest brother (bio bro) was 11 years older than me, my eldest sister and first born of my parents is 13 years older than me, my second sister is a blessed middle child and is 7 years older than me, and my youngest brother is 5 years older than me. Needless to say i was the baby of the family and treated as such 😂

Moving on, my oldest brother was 17 when he enlisted in the Army. He needed my parents permission. They talked it was what he wanted to do and so he went. I was 6, and omg it was terrible. My mom has found old school journals of me writing about how much I miss my brother. I would have really bad nightmares as a kid (up until i was 11 i slept in my parents room on a little blanket bed on the floor because of how terrifying these nightmares were i didnt want to be alone at night). And i would cry at night. And i wouldn't really be sure why. But it would be so intense and i just could not stop.

And my family would surprise me, and other people in the family, when he was on leave. He would just walk in the door late at night and everybody would be crying and be so happy and excited. One time he came home and my parent kept me home from school for the morning, and i was like "okay im ready to go to school" and they were like "let's just wait a minute" and i was like "um weird but okay" and then some time later, i hear the basement door in our kitchen open and this dude walks around the kitchen corner into the living room and then as he came closer i realized it was my brother and i was so excited and happy and im sure i probably cried.

But dont get it twisted. My brother was a dickhead. Like one time we jumping on the trampoline and he was just tormenting me and i finally broke down and called him an asshate because he kept calling me an asshole and i thought he was saying asshat (tbh he probably was, he was weird, it's were i get it from).

But anyways, when he finally got out of the military, I think it was only 2-3 years but for a 6 year old that's forever, he still lived with my parents and me and my other brother. And then he went to work for the gas companies and we would go visit him when he was out of town on the job. Dickhead was always leaving.

But, Dickhead was also one of my most favorite people I have ever known or met on this planet. I used to take dance lessons and every year they would put on a spring show and i was apart of it one year. We had an afternoon and evening show. My parents and grandparents and i think my sister and aunt and cousin probably all came for the afternoon show. Somehow it got arranged that my older brother would pick me up from the evening show (i think he still lived with us im gonna have to check with my parents). Well, the show was running later than expected and so he came at the time he was supposed to and i was still dancing, so he got to see the second half of the show for free. And then, we bullshitted in the car, called each other foul names as was the usual and laughed about it, and then he took me to the local Wegmans, and used pocket change to get us some gummy cherries. And he showed me this neat trick where if you hold the bag up just a little you can get the candy for a cheaper price. I'm pretty sure my 13 year old self thought this was totally badass and amazing. Still kind of do. Fuck capitalism. And so he's driving us home, its dark out by now, we're eating the gummy cherries and he says they look like dogballsacks. So now, that's what we called them the rest of the ride home. It was really great that he just did that for me. And he actually sat and watched the show. He could have easily turned around and waited outside in his car. His red Cadillac.

Anyways, he eventually moves out, gets an aparment near my aunts house, moves out of that apartment into a new one, his gf moves in with him, and he starts taking classes at the local college. Just gen eds, he planned on transferring to get a degree in nanotechnology. I was in high school, and one time we switched homework because he hated math and I hated english, but i didnt know how the college math class he was taking wanted me to solve the problems so basically i got him to do my hw, and he still had to do his hw too. But I'm pretty sure I had to add to mine too because my hs english teacher wanted us to annotate a certain way and shit. That was in tenth grade I think.

In 2014, the same year, my eldest brother took his life. He was 26, a few weeks shy of 27. I was 15 at the time and immediately stopped attending public school, and eventually made a full transition to home bound. It's where a teacher comes to your house and brings your work and tutors you like two-three times a week. It was really nice, but really isolating and lonely. I started tsking antidepressants and going to therapy, both individual and family, but stopped all three of those things eventually all at different times for different reasons. For my junior year i did online school through the local hs. It sucked. It was terrible. Probably the worst i ever did academically. Like C's and D's started popping up with my A's and B's. I just wasnt learning and wasnt understsnding and didnt feel comfortable reaching out for help.

I would say I've pretty much been in emotional turmoil since I became counsious and could remember things. Yes. It is all in my head, but that's the problem. And now, im ready to get professional help. Because i want to remember my brother. Every single memory of him i want to always keep. But I've spent a really long time trying to actively forget and black out the memories because it just hurts so fucking much almost all the fucking time. I feel like ive been burning my brain away with marijuana just to survive. And now im ready to change and need the help to change. But i have no money to pay for that help. And my insurance does not cover it fully which is what i need. So, im just out here, trying my best and living my life. Im always going to try.

I've found music to be really healing, and have put everything i have into making this album. It's raw, and personal, and explicit. It's physically difficult for me to express myself by talking, but singing and writing are so natural and easy to me. And no im not a great singer, or writer, but it's what i love and enjoy doing. More practice=more skill/talent.

I hope anyone who stumbles upon this, (including my future self) is inspired to do something they love not because they are good at it, but because they love it. That's the only thing that matters. When im old and wrinkly and dried up and crusty, I want to remeber myself as happy, kind, caring, strong, passionate, and i want to have so many memories of peope, places, and things that I love.

#bsl #i #hope #proud #of #me #storytime #family #creativescommunity #music #self love and respect #mental health journey #you're

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wiener-blut · 6 years

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i was tagged by my bb @babypaulchen ages ago and now the time has come to finally do this shit!! i told u i was gonna do it Brig!!

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people (i wont tag anyone bc im doubting i even know 20 ppl on here lmao)

— what was your last…

1. drink: peach flavoured ice tea 2. phone call: my mom bc i asked her if shes interested in some hyacinth bulbs for her garden since the ones that stood in my room decayed 3. text message: to my cousin, setting a time where we can call and chat 4. song you listened to: actual surprise - its not Rammstein *ooohs and aaahs fly through the crowd* it was “The Schuyler Sisters” from Hamilton 5. time you cried: yesterday bc i had the worst fucking headache ever and i was being a whiny bitch

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: uhh no? 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yes, multiple times and ive come to the conclusion that throwing up makes me feel better afterwards like im back to being able to actually perveice my environment again lmao

— fave colours

12. black 13. pastel pink 14. actually i kinda love all colours idk

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: yes! 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yes, multiple times, good 18. found out someone was talking about you: like uh shittalking? idk so i guess not 19. met someone who changed you: uhhh kinda? 20. found out who your friends are: um well i found out that my friends are good friends and that i love them and that i dont want to miss any of them 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: what? u can “kiss” someone on facebook? lmao i didnt take a look on facebook for literally years .......man i had a massive brainlag here. i thought u can now “kiss” ppl on facebook like u can “poke” ppl on facebook and it didnt come to my mind this could mean “irl” lmao bury me IF it means irl tho, then yes

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: pff idk man who the fuck still uses that shithole of a site anyways

23. do you have any pets: no but i had a super cute and fluffy bunny and i still miss him and think about him everyday also i plan on having half a farm and half a zoo in the future

24. do you want to change your name: not anymore; i used to hate my name bc its so outdated and the only answer i ever got on introducing myself was “hey my grandma has the same name isnt that funny” but then more and more people told me my name was pretty and unique and well now that im older (sounds like im 40 lmao) im even kinda fond of it

25. what did you do for your last birthday: umm uhh i guess i was studying for my exams lol but i remember my gf cooking an amazing dinner for me 💖

26. what time did you wake up today: uhhhhhh smth around 9am i think

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: actually sleeping for once bc that headache knocked me out completely

28. what is something you can’t wait for: fucking going to fucking Hamburg in fucking five fucking days

30. what are you listening to right now: the birds chirping outside

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes i had a classmate named Tom........he was a bit strange tho.......

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: i cant think of anything rn

33. most visited website: Tumblr and Youtube

34. hair colour: natural? blonde / current? dyed it pink two weeks ago

35. long or short hair: long ass hair and i mean, literally, they reach all the way down to my hips

36. do you have a crush on someone: ohhhahahaha so, so many, one - and maybe the king of em all - being Christoph Schneider (not obvious at all cough cough)

37. what do you like about yourself: uhhhhhhhhhhh.........;;;;; i guess... uh... *insert more unintelligent noises* maybe my legs?

38. want any piercings: no, except for maybe some on my ear

39. blood type: 0 positive, i think

40. nicknames: Lily

41. relationship status: super duper gay af with @haifisch-ohne-traenen

42. sign: officially capricorn (i like to say “the last capricorn” bc it sounds like “the last unicorn” and well my birthday is on the last day that still counts as capricorn), but honestly im more of an aquarius

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv show: i recently watched Grimm and the story was okay but the cast was like super adorable and i fell in love with every single one of them

45. tattoos: none. YET. i have plans for so much i just am very bad at deciding

46. right or left handed: right handed 47: ever had surgery: okay, small story time. there are these childrens books by german illustrator and author “Janosch” in which a tiger and a bear are best friends and i used to love those books. so once, tiger got ill (his stripes slipped out of place) and he needed to see the doctor. and the exact line was “soothing small shot, blue dream, surgery over, noticed nothing, tiger healthy”. and i once was in the hospital bc there was something wrong my nose (i dont remember what it was tho) and so they anaesthetized me (and my fav stuffie which i brough with me for mental support) and afterwards i told everyone of my “blue dream” and everyone was like ????? wtf kid bc they didnt know what i was talking about and it was just some months ago when i finally found out that a narcosis isnt called a “blue dream” and that i just knew this bc of this books which i adored and tbh i was like MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE “BLUE DREAM” IS AN ADORABLE TERM FOR IT 48. piercings: none 49. sport: i did ballet for 15 years and i still love to dance around the house and the mother of my best friend once called me cute bc i cant stand still and always spin around or stretch my toes while lifting my leg or do some pliés and tbh i wasnt even aware of that

50. vacation: uh...i love? lmao

51. trainers: umm like my shoes? mostly wearing my black doc martens

— more general

52. eating: i love me some good salad with tomatoes, mozzarella and tuna but ngl a pizza margherita could beat that salad any time. or a nice ragout fin. or mac’n’cheese. i love food in general, okay

53. drinking: i’d kill for a tequila rn. but like non-alcoholic beverage - plain water, yes thank u

54. i’m about to watch: some movie with my gf which we havent decided on yet

55. waiting for: my gf to return home from work so i can smooch her pretty face

56. want: to cuddle honestly

57. get married: since its legal in germany for some months now... idk tbh, its not smth i debate about on a daily basis

58. career: um i have a vague plan for becoming a speech pathologist but yea... its very vague

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs

60. lips or eyes: gotta say eyes

61. shorter or taller: i dont care actually

62. older or younger: um sweats loudly...... older (fun fact i recently calculated the average age of my celebrity crushes....yes i was bored.... and it resulted in 50.... well.....)

63. nice arms or stomach: arms, fucc me up

64. hookup or relationships: relationships

65. troublemaker or hesitant: me? kinda both

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: no 67. drank hard liquor: yes 68. turned someone down: not really?

69. sex on first date: nope

70: broken someone’s heart: probably

71. had your heart broken: uh yea...kinda

72. been arrested: no

73. cried when someone died: yes, im a whiny bitch so i cry easily

74. fallen for a friend: yeah binch im dating that lovely ho right now... im gonna leave Brig’s answer here bc its perf and same here

— do you believe in

75. yourself: ugh

76. miracles: i want to

77. love at first sight: no

78. santa claus: i want to lol but no

79. angels: fuck yes

— misc

80. eye colour: blue-gray-green-ish mud 81. best friend’s name: Dana

82. favourite movie: so? much? i cant decide, really

83. favourite actor: Tom Hiddleston, i love this british dork, lemme tell u

84. favourite cartoon: phuh, idk i dont really watch cartoons

85. favourite teacher’s name: SWEATS LOUDLY AND AGGRESIVELY i had two massive teacher crushes back in my school days and that makes me a bit biased but im gonna say Herr Wolf was a great teacher bc he always said “hey, astronomy’s a minor subject, the test won’t be hard and i wont give u homework, u guys concentrate on math, german and english” and tbh we need more teachers like that

#tag thing #aaaa god that was so fun but a bit time consuming tbh lol

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incendavery · 7 years

Photo

gosh, thank you! that is so sweet??? I hope you (and any other of my followers who celebrate!) have/had a very happy Eid!💖 💕

on another note, I’ve finally gotten around to cleaning out my askbox! under the cut is almost every ask I’ve gotten that i haven’t answered in the past.... I’m not sure. it’s been a WHILE though.

as a warning, there’s all sorts of stuff, and it’s all untagged! also also, if you sent one of these asks and want me to remove it, just let me know!

yes!! @fuckaspunk IS super sweet and talented and i AM very lucky to have them! and I’ve heard from reliable sources that the feeling is mutual~~💕

i’m glad my comics make you feel less alone; that’s a rough situation you’re in. i really hope you find yourself in a better environment soon!

thank you!!!💕

thank you for understanding! and yes, aidan is a huge help to me??? even when they’re not answering asks, they’re always supporting me in some way, whether that’s making sure I’ve eaten enough, or talking me through my anxiety, or all the other ways they’re there for me every single day💕💕

ok, my tips are!!:

draw as much as possible! even if it’s just lines and shapes with no meaning, you’re still developing your hand/eye skills

BUT: dont draw if you’re not feeling it! if you’re feeling fried, it’s better to take a break. go on a walk to somewhere scenic, read your favorite book, listen to some new music, hang out with friends, or just take a nap! rest up and find some inspiration! you can come back to your sketchbook when you feel energized again

draw stuff that you like! you’ll improve way faster if you’re passionate about what you’re doing

look at art you like with a critical eye. try to examine the different components and figure out what you think works or doesn’t work. try incorporation those components into your own work

read a lot of tutorials and other resources, but take what they say with a grain of salt

ultimately, remember that the only real rule to drawing is that doing it should make you happy

good luck!! i do my best not to pick, but it’s a real struggle; i have lots of scars from it too. ;v; im cheering for you!!!

ALWAYS!!!! if you do, please show me!! my notifications get real busy, but anyone is welcome to IM me any time!

thank you! i actually get very worried about my style; i tend to admire artists with complex linework and delicate shading, so i often feel my style is far to simple! so thank you!!

that is really high praise????? gosh??!?!?!? best of luck with the next three years; i hope you grow to be someone you like even better than me!

thank you!!

peanut time is the best!! i haven’t gotten to do a proper one in a while though ;-; i’ve mostly been feeding the crows on my way back home from night shifts, when i give them the reject eggs from the continental breakfast.

wow, neat!! chickens are so wonderful; i cont wait until i can have some of my own :>

dont be nervous! i know i can be hard to get ahold of over the internet (bc i get overwhelmed easily) and hard to talk with irl (bc i get so nervous and interacting w ppl doesn’t come naturally to me AT ALL) but honestly i?? love making new friends??!

thank you!!? im thankful every day that someone as radient as aidan is in my life for the long haul

thank you!!!!!!!💕

i completely feel that? its ok to hit rough patches! just do your best!!

i dont remember what i felt bad about but THANK YOU💕💕

honestly its done me worlds of good to share my art?? hearing people talk about how they go through all the same shit i do makes me feel so much less alone, especially on the toughest days! so i guess thank you, and thank you?

youre welcome!!!! :>

huh!! i dont know much about shoegaze (other than thinking abt that post abt the guy who pronounced it like fugazi I THINK ABT THAT EVERY TIME) but thats real neat!! im glad youve found something that works for you!!

hey, neat middle name! and youre very welcome; i hope things have been looking up for you since you sent this?💕

i dont remember when this was from but im currently doing really well with my meds!! i switched to a combination of lexapro in the morning and benadryl in the evening, and its been working super well!✨

thank you??!! ;o; i would love to see all your favorite birds!!

hey, right back atcha!!!

ty!!!

hey. thank YOU

you’re absolutely not bothering me! thank you so much!!

!!!!!!!!!!

hey, nice! im glad you like both me and my music!

gosh thanks?!?!

she is the most beautiful and handsome!!!!!!!!!!!! i love her! thank you from both of us!!!!

aw, gosh! im sure i like you too!!

this was from.... A WHILE AGO.... but youre welcome?? i just wish i could have done more

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

thank YOU and a very very belated merry christmas!!!

that does make sense!! reconciling friendships and crushes is tricky business. the best i can say to you is to be as honest and open with each other as you can

i dont personally get those, but ive heard of people experiencing them as a sideeffect when coming off or switching meds

i think these two are part of the same message? but oh man yeah that sucks when ppl are misgendering you AND hitting on you at the same time. on a different note, ive never heard of using a corset to stim before! neat!

i mean, 1. depression doesn’t care if you have a “””good””” reason and 2. ive literally never met anyone w depression (including myself) who thinks that they do have a “””good””” reason for having it. thats the insidious part of depression, is that it makes you think that theres nothing wrong and that its all just you not measuring up in some way

so i guess that would make you.... someone with depression?

real BAD

💕 💖 💞 💓 💗

not yet haha THANK YOU

hey, im glad you like it!! since this blog has gotten so big, its kinda my happy place to be? (for anyone wondering, my reblog blog/personal is @spinels!

that IS a fun fact!! thank you!

it’s absolutely ok! i get a little bitter when people take my work WAY out of context (for example, straight people removing the caption that says “im just really gay” before tagging their bf/gf) but i am 100% ok and happy with people relating to my work in a different way than i intended (ex: a comic i made about being ashamed of my derma getting reblogged by someone struggling to be ok w their visible burn scars)

hoo gosh, thank you!!

glad to have you here!! im glad people can relate to some of the weirdly specific shit i write about tbh???

i’m sorry its taken so long for me to get back to you; that a terrible situation

if you have a teacher you trust, i would absolutely bring it up to them. that is 100% not an ok thing for those kids to be doing. at all.

im glad you at least have your friends that support you!

:0 WAIT is this someone i know through ucsc?? :0 :0 :0

aaaa thank you! that is high praise ;v;

i have no words; this is such a touching message. thank you so much ;v;

this is belated but!! the main creative community i can recommend is kzsc, the radio station! i had a real cool time there, and its a great way to make friends and connect with ppl of all sorts! :0

yeah, its totally normal! ive had roommates ive been super tight with, and roommates who i barely ever hung around with. its natural! i doubt you’ll finish college w/o finding a roomie that you get ~The Roomie Experience~ with though, even if its like a housemate or s/t!! ;0

i’ve never been told that, actually! neat!! (and wow?? i cant believe i inspire ppl.... wow......... what a concept tbh??)

oh yikes... i do hope youre feeling better :( im glad my comics can help a little bit at least!

💕 💖 💞 💓 💗!!!

HUGS

i dont remember what this was in reference to, but good to know?

also good to know!?

i think the crows and jays do! i dunno about the squirrels and other birds. and thank you!!

the youth gang..... i love it..... how good???!

i wrote about getting yuri right here! he’s a southern alligator lizard and i love him to bits.

heres a pic of the Long Boy doin his thing:

hey neat! i’m glad youve chosen a lame you can be proud of!!💖

ive never heard of that!! wow

what play is this?? :0 :0 :0 im so curious now!!

oh SHUCKS...,,,,,,,,,, ;v;

hahahaha omg thank u

i dont actually have any more of them interacting, unfortunately! the owl isnt one specific person, like a lot of my characters are meant to represent. the owl more represents as a whole all the people i run into in my life that i am very very gay for.

thank you!!!

youre very welcome! im glad you feel better!!!!

aaa gosh thank you!!!

hhhhfgh ive gotten less of it recently BUT YEAH that was bad times™️

thanks for the info!!! :0

no problem! a lot of the credit honestly goes to @fuckaspunk, who is always keeping me updated on that sort of stuff.

i didn’t know that! a lot of the symbolism seems to come from multiple sources sometimes, from what ive seen?

aaaa gosh omg thank you ;v;

aw thank you???!!

nice!!! oct 24 bdays go!!!

thank you!! it really does mean a lot actually!!!!!!!

of course?? antisemitism cant be ignored in this fight

aw, thats so cute! id love to hear what headcanons you have tbh???

hey thanks?! this is really cool to hear, tbh. i try to be positive most of the time, but im not going to like,,, kid myself when im not feeling it and im glad that other people can appreciate that too, ya know?

wow!!

(this one!) thank you i love that one too???!

hey, im glad you found your way here!! thank you so much!!!

aaaa ty!

hmmm i have two leopard geckos, and they made very good beginning lizards for me and aidan! but i would maybe ask someone a bit more experienced than me, like @kaijutegu or @wheremyscalesslither!!

thank you!!

one day at a time! (but seriously, thank you!!)

yummy yummy sauce...... ty!!!

awww, gosh! thank you!?

AAAA TY BOTH I GET SO SELF-CONSCIOUS ABT MY VOICE,,,,, ;o;

:0 i havent watched that, but it sounds rly cool!!

i like that fun fact a lot! ty!!

pae stands for paerlin, which is what @fuckaspunk‘s internet handle used to be! i used it to refer to them on my blog in secret back when they still didnt know i had a crush on them.... ;//v//;

aaaaa thank you!!! ;o;

nice nice nice ty!!

>:0 get back down here!! (jk that’s rly neat! highfive!!)

those are all good words that i like!! thank you!!!!

i dont know anything about him, but i looked him up and i guess i can see it?!

@fishcrow is really cool! ive never really interacted with them, but im p sure were mutuals...? anyway yeah their comics are rly cute and cool!

that is me! thank you; i hope things go well for you as well!

hello to you too!

aaaa ty!!! tbh the number of nice anons i get way way way outnumbers the mean ones <3

thank you! thank YOU for existing!

:0 chocolate croissant, here i come!!!

thank you!!!!!!💕

its literally my pleasure!!!

aaa ty!!! 💕💕

hehe im glad!

sldf;j;sfjdklfdslfjs thank you so much?????? what a compliment omg gosh

yeah!! i have a hard time on settling what class id be, but i feel like id be a heart player!

ohh um! im not sure which pens youre referring to, but if you mean the ones I use for my comics, i color them with Winsor & Newton ProMarkers, and I do the lines with a purple fine-point Sakura Gelly Roll Classic pen! i also use micron pens of all different sizes and colors in some of my non-diary comic art!

aww thank you so much!!

:0 :) :0 !!!!!!

ty!!! ive grown to love him very much as well!!

thank you! i hope you are doing well also!!

i love them very much?!! id put a picture but i dont have one with all four of them so instead imagine me lying on the floor crying abt how much i love them bc thats me basically every day

you dont mean......

?!?!?!?!?!?!

awwww ty!!!

HEY WOW

aaa gosh thank you!💕

DOUBLE FOLLOW

gay dragons combine the best of both very good things: gay and dragons. im glad you appreciate them w me tysm ;v;

aaa what a lovely message! ty💕

3rd-shift-working, depression-having, corvid-loving solidarity fistbumnp!!!!

huh! ive never heard of that; ill check it out maybe!!

ah im really glad? tysm!!💕

my understanding is that it helps people who have text-to-speech readers? but im honestly not as well informed on that as i should be!

hell yeah!!!!

gosh!!!!!

hnmngnhng youve probably already made a decision but i just gotta say.........shadow rulez

delicious!!

i havent!! i really want to though!

oh man ALL THE TIME. i usually try to either reality check with someone i trust, or to do an activity thats easy and i know i can do, or both!

i love andre and karl!!! its actually a huge influence on me and my art tbh???

i had a good (and safe) trip! ty!!!

hey, thank you!!!

oh jeez thats bad :( i think this was in response to when i needed to wait between med refills?

i cant give a precise reason, tbh! when it comes to whats lucky, i just sort of.... go with my gut, ya know?

thank you!! 👍

that sure sounds like insomnia! its almost hard for me to say tbh, bc ive had trouble sleeping for as long as i can remember, so NOT having trouble sleeping is bizarre and unrealistic to me haha... but i think the bottom line is, if its interrupting your daily routine and making it hard for you to have enough energy, then its something you should look into remedies for!

:0 :0 :0

ohhh how nice! ill give it a try! :>

omg,,,, nope, just me!

thank you!!!!!!

honestly? thats such a good way to look at it i love the idea of my blog as a big zine

always!!!!! go for it!!!

hey, thank you so much!!!!!

omg, thats so great! thank you!

im so glad; thank you!!!

thank you so much!💖 (and mexico, neat! i love hearing where people are following from??)

aaaaaaaaaaaa ;//v//; thank you??? i get so happy whenever ppl tell me they like my singing aaaaaaa

aw, hey, no worries! money is all well and good, but in some ways, messages like this mean just as much!

its cool that comic gave you plural feels! im def not a system though :>

its tricky, isnt it? i still feel like im no good at it lmao

LISTEN,,, there is a 99.9999% chance i wont notice, and a 100% chance i wont judge. reblog away!

THANK YOU ARENT THEY THE BEST I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

thank you!! i hope you have a good day as well!

aaa ty!!💖

aa ty! (what a cool name!!! im kind jealous ngl!)

awww thank you💖

i do my best! i just worry when im not active, bc i tend to connect my self-worth to my output (;^; )

aaaaa ty!! 💖

!!!!!!!!!!!! omg wow i love being called a pretty boy???? ty???????

hey, neat! crow high-five!

aw, thank you!!! 💖

im doing my best! thank you so much, messages like this really help when im in a place like that tbh ;v;

gosh this is so sweet? thank you so muhc !!?

thank you all!! im sorry that saying thank you over and over sounds so repetitive, but i truely do mean it for every one of you!!!

i am..... one of those things!

well thank you!!

ohoho~✨

thank you! and honestly im sure it does??

hey, cool! good for you!!!!!!! and ty!!

aw gosh thank you!💖

hey, wow! thats super cool; thank you so much!

(i dont follow the first person i followed on tumblr anymore.... they became a hockey blog rip haha)

aaaah, thank you so much!!

almost???

i do!! drunken lullabies is an absolute banger!!!!!!!!!!

i am!!!! thank you!!

aw, ty!!! 💖

hee hee, thank you!

my biggest tip honestly?? have someone who can be by your side to help you with... basically everything... during your recovery. bc trust me, i was n o t a v a i l a b l e. i spent a lot of my recovery playing 2048 at the same time as watching tv, bc doing both at once distracted me from how much the bandages itched.

thank you!! (i think this was in reference to getting top surgery!)

how shitty??????? yikes. i hope your supervisor has your back??? bc wow????

hey!!! thank you!!! i draw all my comics traditionally on paper! im not sure what you mean by the writing though? if you mean the word bubbles, i do those by hand on paper too!

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND THAT FEELING,,,, im so happy ppl talk to me, but i get really nervous about saying the wrong thing.

when i’m down, i usually crave validation. i like being reminded about things ive done right! i also like gentle reality checks, like, ‘hey: this is the situation, this is what we can do about it. ok? ok’

i unfortunately dont have any!! i had a couple at one point, but they’ve since been lost to the depths of my old laptop. and hey, thank you so much!!

now thats a nifty trick!! im terrible at telling all my white tablets from each other lmao

!!!!!!! ITS ME!!!!!!!!

maybe you just need some space? i know i sometimes temporarily block people i know, if i need some private space or if i dont trust myself to keep cool and solve problems constructively. do what you need to do to feel at ease, and go from there, ya know?

thank you!!!

its,,,, up somewhere above in this monster post lmao i,m so sorry,,,,

thank you so much!!!

WOW NO WORRIES??,,,,,,,,, INCREDIBLE 10/10???????

all four of these came right after i gave myself a hair cut and THANK YOU SO MUCH??? i live for validation and it feels so good to have my actions affirmed ;o;

#WOW THAT TOOK LIKE THREE HOURS HAHA #hopefully next time it wont be as long!!#daveanswersstuff #long post

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