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#im still coming down from anesthesia and im so fatigued and tired
aquarianlights · 2 years
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✨️ I just kind of want to die rn. ✨️
#im srs tho#i feel fucking terrible#im still coming down from anesthesia and im so fatigued and tired#if it were not for echo i would take an overdose rn and be done with it#except for the fact i am horribly scared of respiratory depression#suffocating is one of my worst fears so...#i just really want to get a gun#ik my girlfriend has lots of guns#im not legally allowed to have a gun and idk how to find them on the black market#but since my gf has them... ive been thinking about it... thinking about waiting until we live together and waiting until echo passes#and then I'd have no issues just... taking one... it's not like I'd be keeping it or using more than one bullet#im sure she would forgive me and id write a note anyways#notes* rather... addressing multiple people personally with her being one of them. id apologize for using her gun but where else would i#get one? she is the only person ik who has guns coz her family is a hunting family.#oh well....that's been on my mind ever since i found out she has guns and also really wants us to live together. i always thought if one#were in the house with me that it would be so easy to use when i feel like this and just get it over with#instead i hesitate because i dont have the right methods... and i end up feeling okay or better later. only to come back to suicidal later#so a gun would be best i think... that way i can take care of it in the moment and get it over with. i just need a gun to do it.#unfortunately my girlfriend is the only one ik who has them so... it's gonna have to be hers#that's a long way off though. echo is only 9 years old and his breed lives into the 16-18 years old phase. i wont leave until echo is gone#depression#sad#sadness#suicidal#suicide#crying#pain#upset#personal#depressed
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churipu · 3 months
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( OO4 ) ★ bloody mess , nanami kento
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featuring. nanami kento x reader
warnings. mentions of blood, mentions of a lot of different pet names (sweetheart, love, etc.), hospital raahhh, anesthesia.
note. WHO'S BACK DOING THE 1K EVENT LAJSOS IM SO SORRY :< THIS ONE IS A BIT SHORT???
ENTRY ( OO4 ) OF THE "INTO THE IPINVERSE" MILESTONE
"quick question, how much blood do i have to let out to be deemed hospital worthy?" "a lot." "oh, well — that's not good."
tags: @sad-darksoul @sweeneyblue1 @idkuluka @colorful-happy-shit @tomie-it-girl
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the room reeked of blood. if you get a gist of it — you'd likely think of death.
you held your phone in between your shoulder and your ear, slightly trembling as your muscle stretched. chewing your lip in frustration, the device ringing.
once.
twice.
thri—
"hi, sweetheart."
you sighed out in relief, "hi kento, i have a really quick question because i'm trying not to freak out—"
nanami immediately cuts you off, "is something wrong? what happened y/n?"
"quick question, how much blood do i have to let out to be deemed hospital worthy?" you asked him, eyeing the trail of crimson streaming down your ring and pinky finger — blowing on it softly, foot drumming impatiently. what a bloody mess.
nanami was silent for a few seconds, but you could make out a brief, "a lot."
that's when you finally let out a panicked but calm, "oh, well — that's not good."
the male on the other line shuffled a bit, and you made out a few static noises, "what happened, sweetheart? did you hurt yourself?" he softly asks you.
"um . . . i cut myself cutting fruits. it's stupid but — i was trying to imitate fruit ninja . . ." you explained, full of shame. yet again, from the other line, nanami shuffled; creating out static noises, "i should probably head to the hospital, right?"
"apply pressure on the wound, i'm already around the corner, love. keep on talking with me." he replies back calmly.
you did what he told you to do without ending the call, wincing every once in a while from the jolt of pain.
soon enough, nanami burst from the front door — his eyes finding your sitting form, a cotton pad wrapped around your bloodied fingers. with rushed steps, he approaches you, softly grabbing your hand, inspecting the wound.
"come here pretty," he softly mumbles, tugging you gently, "we're going to the hospital."
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two stitches.
because you decided to imitate fruit ninja — in your defense, it seemed really cool in the games.
with an IV attached to your other hand, you laid on the bed, half droopy as the anesthesia had already spread through your veins. limp and tired, a hard cast covering your wounded hand to press on the stitches.
"please keep watch of their hands, and try not to move it a lot during the healing process — come back in approximately two weeks time for cast and stitches disposal." you could definitely hear a doctor say — clueless to you or to nanami.
but you answered them nonetheless, slurring out incoherent words, "oh . . . doctor, yeah! okay, mhm, i got you, doc, i'll be back soon."
a few chuckling erupted and you shut your eyes, feeling fatigue take over, "how are you feeling, darling?"
fluttering your eyes open, you nod, "good. how about you, ken?"
nanami brushed your cheek gently, staring at your droopy state affectionately, his elbow prepped up on the hospital bed, "i'm good as well. are you still in pain?"
you shook your head with a stupid smile, "nope, just peachy," you smiled, "i have a dress on my finger—" proudly raising your index finger up, where the pulse oximeter was.
"it looks wonderful, sweetheart," nanami softly threaded his calloused fingers with yours, kissing your knuckles.
the wound was worse than he thought. at first, nanami didn't know whether to be worried about your poor choice of action or your wound in all honesty, but at this point — he's doing both at the same time.
the male was in the middle of a meeting with the gojo satoru when you called.
"right? and — i think they stole my fingers," you whispered, eyes darting around here and there before eventually trying to raise up your wounded hand. to which nanami prevented by carefully putting it down to your side, on the bed.
"i promise your fingers are there, darling." nanami chuckled at your behavior under the anesthesia.
"no, no. i swear, i can't feel them — the people stole my fingers while you were not here," you refer to the doctor and the couple of nurses who tended to you earlier, "go check them, i swear, ken. my fingers are gone."
cute. you were very cute. nanami knew he shouldn't be laughing at all, but the way you acted right now was . . . very out of character. the passion swirling in your eyes as you try to convince him that your fingers were stolen.
"angel, i promise. they're there, attached." he moved a few strands of your hair away from your face, "you can be angry at me if they aren't there."
bad choices of words. because the very next second, you were trying to pry open your cast to take a quick look at your fingers.
"no, no. darling, you shouldn't touch that," nanami stood up, carefully holding your unharmed hand. preventing it from gnawing at your harmed hand.
"'m trying to prove something here, ken . . ." you rolled your eyes, leaning back onto the bed, "let me go," your whines made him smile.
"darling, 'ts not good to touch it now. we'll get it taken off in a while," you softly whine at his words.
"'ts too long. my fingers . . ."
nanami cupped your face and pressed a chaste kiss onto your lips, "they're there darling, i promise." he held out his pinky.
you childishly nodded, intertwining your pinky with his, "okay. promise."
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"are they there?" nanami asks, holding your unharmed hand as he used his other hand to steer the steering wheel of his car.
it had been at least a couple of hours, and the anesthesia was slowly leaving your system — enough for you to be dismissed from the hospital. here you were, sitting in his passenger's seat, "are what there?" you questioned back, still feeling a bit droopy.
"your fingers."
in confusion you stare at him, "of course they are, in here." you mumbled, raising up your casted hand.
nanami chuckled, this was only something he and you (under the influence) knew.
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