#if only telling your friends how you dont understand fiction actually gained you anything-

[rui-drawsbox]

halo halo this might be out of blue but may i ask how’d you fall in love w Baxter? I wanna hear the story of like how you started to like him if you don’t mind sharing . tysm!!and i love all your artworks!!!!

AGHHHHHHH i was about to go to sleep but healty schedules are overrated. Take a sit cuz this is gonna be LONG bc i dont know how to get to the point (jump right to the end to get the 3 lines resume lmao)

if you ask me why i like right now: he's a dramatic loser. But that was when i finally understood his character! you wouldn't be surprised if tell you that i'm an idiot right? i'm super slow to read between lines and understand people, that applies to fictional characters too lmao (+add that english isn't my first language) So! at first i didn't actually understood what was going on with -well- anything :D.

Took me a few playthroughs to actually understand the game in general, i started to play before step 4 was out so all i could do was play and replay different ways to fall in love with Cove (starting to crush at step3 was my fav) but tbh he was never my *type*, Derek was interesting but just bc he like us by default. Even after playing his dlc i felt like he was just a really good friend (which was kinda weird bc to this point i've just played his romantic route). So, what's different with Baxter?

To begin with! he's... he's....... huhh my first impression wasn't actually strong tbh, i was like "huh new guy to date yay". I didn't actually understood his character the first few playthroughs ngl. I started in fond ofc to get into the dlc but *I* was pretty indifferent, probably in Drinks where we finally see Morning Baxter was that i said "oh shit he's cute" and cuteness+gapmoe is enough to make me fall for any character tbh.

But! that was not enough to provoke a brainrot like this right? i'm the "Oh i love this *forgets about in a week*" type. What sealed the deal (badum tss) was probably bc of the fandom? Once i was done replaying the dlc 5 times in a row i went straight to tumblr to feed of headcanons, fanarts and fanfics. My favorite way to understand a character is thru the fandom tbh, my favs are the long aa essays talking about a character personality.

Long story short, he was dramatic troubled flirty gap-moe guy (my fictional type, coincidentally) with an excellent storyline. I still wasn't 100% into him but he was top1 romatic choice for me (sorry Cove and Derek, love ya but platonically), so i made 2 fanarts for his dlc in may and let the hype die... only for 6 months otherwise we wouldn't be here, would we?

AH-HA-HEM the day 28th of november, beginnings of summer, i went out in the morning to do some errands with my mom, we stopped to buy vegetables in our way home and she bought a small watermelon bc i love them. That same afternoon i was eating it and thought "watermelons are finally here, summer it's officially here!" and got struck with Olba memories like a sleeper agent. (made a minicomic abt that, that's why i have the exact date lol) SO i replayed the game again, reading everything again, and oh boy i finally understood so many things, one of those things was Baxter himself!

A lot of stuff made sense once i actually took the time to comprehend his character with the information i gained out of the game (mainly all the asks ppl sent to gb). Add the way that i always played like *me* on my first playthroughs of anything and then you'll notice why he hit me so hard, it felt like i wasn't giving him enough credit before dasjkfas.

Tbh his dlc is my fav bc it has such a strong storyline, you get to know him and his insecurities thru all step 3, and have a lot of sweet moments too! (and that night goodbye?? omg it hits me so hard bc it's right after the ending song) and because step 4 it's right after you go with all the fresh memories of your summer together and seeing him so cold towards you it's so painful but also so funny because HA I CAN SEE THRU YOUR FACADE YOU STILL LIKE ME HAHAHA and i finally knew the perfect word for him: loser.

Anyways i also did a deep dive in the Olba and Baxter Ward tag here in tumblr and eat pretty much everything, also helped me to get a better grasp for all the little details i didn't noticed before bc haha i told you im an idiot?

sO yeah i made a few drawings of my Mc interacting with the characters, surprisingly it got a lot of attention from the fandom so i made a few more and when i noticed i was deep into the brainrot and i wasn't able to draw anything besides my Ruri and Baxter being cute lmao

Funfact. Ruri is a variation of Rui (duh) that i used in games when i didn't feel like i wanted to be called my name directly, now that she expropriated me of that name i use Ruru, i'm so creative right?

Long story short: it was mix of the game itself, fandom content and people actually liking my oc content. The fandom is super welcoming with everyone's oc's i love that akjdlfhask

ajksdfhasjk WOAH THAT IS SO LONG i def went over the top didnt i? I tried to explain my train of thought and fill the spaces where my memory is blurry with stuff i think i would've thought at the moment, it's also 3am so im- not entirely here tbh hjadfhkj

ANYWAYS THANKYOU ANON FOR LETTING ME RAMBLE I LOVE TALKING TO NO ONE IN SPECIFIC ABOUT THE THINGS I LOVE LOVE YAA<333

#rui thinks loudly #gonna upload the drawing i actually was staying up late for and go to sleep #took me 2 hours to write this omg im so lost #idk how much i wrote but i still feel like it wasnt enough. i need to ramble and be redundant about olba for another 3 hours

[snoopysfriendwoodstock]

hellooo, loved ur post about Taylor's songwriting on evermore I think ur so right! would love for you to elaborate more on it, and on when you think her songwriting is at its worst/best 💕

hi beck!!! 💋 i think evermore suffers from a lot of what lover suffers from (evermore is my #4 album and lover is in dead LAST in my ranking i’m not comparing them like that ❤️) where taylor got so carried away by the success of folklore (where imo she really reigned herself in and only kept what was necessary) and the response to her more poetic/flowery writing that no one could tell her no when it came to writing evermore. lover is that but with 1989 where she made such a perfect pop album with no fluff, then lover she thought she could recreate 1989 but without the fear of doing it for the first time. so in folklore you’ve got this really, really beautiful writing that clearly was written and re-written but also put through a lot of scrutiny. folklore was a new venture for taylor similar to 1989 which i think made her be a lot more cautious about what she put on the album and how airtight it was. this is obviously speculation but it feels like after folklore did so well she realized this could be her new “brand” or her new “era” or whatever and suddenly evermore was so much more in your face about like her woods and witchy vibes and fantasy land or whatever and a lot of lines from the album feel like “look how good i am at figurative language! you love this dont you?” like what the fuck does “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind / but i come back stronger than a 90s trend” even MEAN. she also does thing thing where she explains her metaphors which just makes them even clunkier to try and listen to. “we were like the mall before the internet / it was the one place to be” sounds … just poorly paced? and even tho this isn’t a metaphor it’s like… isn’t that literally just “we were something don’t you think so?” i think taylor’s song writing is at its best when she’s detail oriented but leaves enough up for interpretation that it feels like an actual mineable text. i did not see the same weeks of interpretive writings on evermore as i did on folklore because it feels like she left less for us to actually explore on our own. i saw people over and over arguing about the “evergreen our group of friends / don’t think we’ll say that word again” line from champagne problems and which word she was talking about but isn’t that the best part? it feels so much more like a stream of consciousness than a carefully crafted line which lets you get drawn into the world of the song. i love the little details in marjorie, i always end up crying during the “the autumn chill that wakes me up / you loved the amber skies so much / long limbs and frozen swims / you always went past where our feet could touch” part because it’s those little specificities that make you feel like you can see exactly what she’s seeing. the coney island/the 1 comparison works here too since that little question, drawing the audience in with the second person POV in the song, just has more emotional appeal in my opinion than a really awkward metaphor. taylor has always been at her best with diary entry level honesty but i think lately she’s been replacing that with these easter eggs that just feel a little cheap? the diary style writing (which has matured into the honest fiction of folklore/evermore) worked because it gave you an insight into taylor that helped you really understand her side and her feelings whereas the easter eggs of rep/lover make you use your already existing knowledge of taylor to gain anything from it. that’s why while i think the bridge of coney island has some great writing, she gets away with not really writing anything interesting because she depends on the fans and their interest in her to fill in the gaps. that’s not good writing it’s just a parasocial relationship. but when it comes to cardigan/betty/august she’s given us these characters that we knew nothing about but people have been able to grow attached to because of that ability she has to craft characters and narratives, something she’s been doing for herself the last 13 years and why she’s able to over and over depict herself convincingly as an underdog to her fans.

BASICALLY folklore showcases the best of taylor’s songwriting by having her turn what she’s been doing for herself since the beginning of her career into fictional narratives rather than mine her own life or depend on her fans to find meaning out of her own experiences. evermore has some great moments because she uses some of those same techniques to story-tell and add lush details to her writing but she also does this thing she tends to do where once a project is successful she tries to center her identity around it in an attempt to replicate it and ends up totally missing the mark by not reigning herself in.

#this is long and i don’t think it’s very coherent but oh well! ❤️ #long post

[mikaze-discord]

Quartet Night: Love letters

Annnnnd these are the love letters written for Quartet Night!!!

Please enjoy under the cut~

REIJI KOTOBUKI

From Anon:

I've always been drawn to characters with complex (and fairly dark) personalities, so liking Rei-chan was honestly inevitable for me.

He looks like a very bright and cheerful character at first, which he is, but sometimes that part of him is a little misleading because, in actuality, he's a character that holds a lot of negative feelings about himself due to a past that he can't seem to move on from. He holds a lot of those feelings to himself because he doesn't want to burden anyone else with them. He's a reliable, cunning, and ultimately selfless character that chooses to shoulder a lot on his own out of his infinite care for others, and perhaps a secret sense of atonement, all hidden behind his bright demeanor and goofy smile, and it's endlessly interesting to me.

Besides the duality of his personality, he has a lot of other endearing quirks to love about him. He loves his mom a lot and is a mama's boy. His old-man jargon and catchphrases never fail to amuse (I still can't get over the way he says "my girl"). His obsession with anything even remotely British is something my APH England phase can relate to. His style of music brings a lot of pleasant feelings of nostalgia for me, and his pretty voice suits them a lot. And most of all he's just a very good boy overall. I rate 99999 out of 10 would love and support him and also maybe pay for his therapy because god knows he needs it. Happy anniversary!!

From another anon: 

Would you like to hear a story? You do? Very well then, may this story be one you enjoy.

What do I like about Reiji kotobuki? A Lot of things actually!

Well, I've always really liked Reiji as a character as he seemed to be one of the more interesting characters to me, due to how complex he is with his backstory and general just personality.

I have always really enjoyed how Reiji just solves problems too? Like he is just such an outgoing person who deserves all the support!!!

Like the best word I can use for Reiji is just, unique. Everything about him is just so Reiji. From the way he talks, to his nicknames or even his texting style. Like have you seen how many people use emoticons when texting as Reiji? It's just so him.

I like his way of thinking too! I feel like some of the interactions in the games are just so interesting, just seeing Reiji’s point of view. How he deals with a sort of survivor’s guilt and all of that.

Personally, some of my most memorable roleplaying moments were watching a Reiji rper in action, like just seeing them interact and flow so seamlessly with the other characters was just so fascinating to wee baby rper me. Such a large part of playing Reiji is just how you flow with the people around you and comedic timing. I have so many funny moments where Reiji was just interacting with people and it was just so inspirational (?) like I couldn't stop the smile on my face. I had learnt alot from them. I still consider them my roleplaying senpai almost! I don't talk to them anymore but I really had an amazing time just seeing their spin on the character.

I don't find him to be a romantic partner towards me nor do I see any of the characters in that light, but I've always found Reiji as such a personal character. Not even just towards me, like even with other utapri stans. The most relatable character always seems to be Reiji.

I've always been pretty similar in many aspects to him and I often find myself relating to him in numerous ways like his vibe is just relatable! I have often found myself trying to make other people laugh and have fun that many times I'm spreading myself thin and feel unappreciated...Reiji really helped with that.

This is where i start getting into the really personal stuff LOL feel free to skip if you dont wanna hear the angsty backstory.

I had really come to love Reiji when I had just...hit a low. I had a group of friends who I enjoyed hanging out with and just talking to, but they weren't very good friends per say. I often had to schedule every activity we did and I spent days and nights trying to think of concepts that might be fun. They took it for granted.. I had spent 4 months trying to make a game for them, and they had constantly pushed back times that we would play it. Using excuses to not play it, without telling me out right what they did not like or even why. The site I used was later taken down without notice and thus I had lost all my progress. Later, they had mentioned how they would like to play it except that later ended up being two years later. I really wish I could've solved things with that friend group like Quartet Night did but that didn't happen. That is when I started seeing things Reiji’s way? Not to say that it was the same or similar scenario to Reiji but I had just associated it with him.

RANMARU KUROSAKI

From Anon:

Ran is such a fun character! He sounds like a "rough outside, soft inside" kind of character, but his roughness is more like an integral part of him and it's through it that he shows he cares rather than setting it aside. That's what made me want to rp him. I also like how he is such a strong guy who's always determined to do his best in everything he does despite so much having gone wrong in his past. And it's very satisfying to see him form bonds and start to trust people.

From @mikaze-san:

Originally, my favourite Utapri boy was Ai, and it had been the robot boy for several years upon entering the fandom. In fact, it only switched to Ranmaru sometime late last year but regardless, I would still die for this man. Part of the reason why I switched is because I’ve always been a fan of Suzuki Tatsuhisa and I have a huge bias towards any man who wears nail polish without fearing being “feminine” because fuck gender roles.

As someone who studies fashion, I think Ranmaru is very coordinated and confident when it comes to portraying himself that way. He knows he’s not very good at expressing his emotions and utilises his passion for rock and playing the bass to portray those feelings through his songs. It’s also incredibly inspiring to know that he bounces back from pretty much anything considering his backstory and the stuff he deals with in the game/anime.

But my main reason for loving Ranmaru so much stems from the fact that I admire him a lot and want to be more like him. For a long time last year, I got to roleplay as Ranmaru in a few Utapri groups and through those experiences, I gained a better understanding and appreciation of the characters that I wrote for. In some weird way, by highlighting his flaws, character progression and how he dealt with different emotions, I ended up providing insight into how I dealt with similar issues by looking at them from a 3rd person perspective.

I used to be very shy and was very shut off from friends and family, and due to this I’ve always admired people in my life or fictional characters that are so confident in being who they are. Ranmaru particularly struck that chord in me because his bluntness knows no end. He’s very opinionated and doesn’t fear confrontation, in most cases being the one to provoke it. He speaks his mind openly without being overly anxious of the consequences. This is something that I feel is especially relevant today with being your authentic/unapologetic self is such a trend.

It’s something I’ve also noticed with having met people in or outside of this fandom, the notion of idolising a fictional character containing traits that we want to see in ourselves. Which made me think about a lot of my favourite kinds of characters which at the end of the day all boil down to sharing one similar trait: Being a bitch.

And in Utapri, Ranmaru embodies that. So naturally it’s very easy for me to idolise him.

(Tldr: I like his bitchy attitude.)

AI MIKAZE 

From Arashi:

It's hard to put into words why I love Ai Mikaze, perhaps it's because I'm subconsciously drawn to him, maybe it's because his hair and eyes are my favorite color, maybe it's because his voice is that of an angels, there are many reasons why I love him. I couldn't tell you a definite, "These one or two reasons are the entire reason I love him", but I'll try to sum it up.

I grew to love him by admiring his personality, his smile, his determination to reach his goals, everything about him made me happy. He's strict and a little scary at times, but when he sees people caring for him, he becomes happy and in a way, sentimental. He's not sure how to explain the way he feels, but he tries. I think I admire how he holds all the little things precious to his heart as he learns about them, and he wants to understand how to care for others and how they care for them in return. Even after six years, he still remains the most dear to me. I think that he now has a sentimental value to me, because even if I 'loved' another character more for a while, I will always come back to Ai. Ai deserves the world, and I'd give it to him if I could. He'll always be special to me, and I think that he very much deserves that.

From Maronda: 

My love for Ai started after I found Shining Live by chance and started to play. At first I wasn't particularly attached to any of the characters and decided to go back and watch the anime to maybe remember some context other than who Starish was. When I got to the episode focused on Ai and his "secret" I was absolutely thrown off by it all. I ended up feeling like I had so many questions and I knew that the anime would give me little to no answers, so I frequently turned to rambling on the internet about it. Eventually, this fixation on weird things about him seemed to turn into a clear fondness for him, and friends made me realize just how much I liked him. Knowing the cold and often strange aspects of his personality was due to something out of his control was something I resonated with as someone on the autism spectrum. He reminded me of some of the ways I used to think and behave.

I also began to notice other things I loved about him. Things like how soothing I found his voice, the pleasant shade of light blue in his hair and eyes, how ridiculously pretty he is... but the best things are the endearing parts of his personality. Though he's somewhat harsh, he's still entirely genuine. His curiosity is absolutely precious and his occasional awkwardness in expressing emotion or understanding the emotions of others made me empathize with him. And if you look at the Ai in Shining Live and compare it to the Ai in the anime and games... he really has changed a lot and grown as a person. He now seems so much gentler and understanding, and he clearly values the friendships he has now too! I think he's a wonderful character and ever since friends of mine encouraged me to selfship I've essentially been in love with him, but it also makes me happy to see other people appreciate him for other reasons as well. He's just so lovable!

CAMUS

From @uta-no-fakku-sama:

At the very beginning of my UtaPri interest, Camus never really caught my attention. That is until he became my first My Only Prince UR. I’ve come to appreciate him a lot more ever since, and now he’s become my favorite QUARTET NIGHT member! Along the way, I learned more about him and realized he’s one of the more complicated characters to understand. Nonetheless, I absolutely adore him. I tend to tease and make fun of him a lot, but deep down I truly do like him a whole bunch!

From @/waddamaloooon on twt: 

A little Camus appreciation post

(alternatively known as; how this guy managed to harshly take my heart and step on it like the gumin I am.)

Hello, this is Suikamaru, here to share a tiny story of why I, and eventually you, love Camus Rondo Cryzard.

At first glance, his looks appealed to me, but not his behavior (and ironically enough, his voice) so I didn't bat an eye on him. I've always been on a neutral leaning to dislike opinion on Camus, which is quite understandable because have you SEEN the way he acts. Unfathomable.

…..To a Young Suikamaru, that is.

I've grown, so naturally I've changed preferences regarding characters, ikemen, and who to stan and who to avoid like the plague. I will lie if I said that I expected to like that blonde confectionery devouring machine at any point of my life.

But it did happen so who are we fooling here.

It dawned on me that Camus is the type of character that you cannot appreciate unless you go in depth into his lore, backstory, and see him for who he really is. Because then everything else will make sense. And that never happened in my case until I started roleplaying as him.

I realized that he's not just a two faced, sweet toothed mean man. He's a perfectionist, someone who's always been raised since his childhood days to be nothing less than complete, who has locked on his heart and emotions to devote himself completely to the purpose given to him. He has the looks and brains for what though? He should be a little stupid honestly.

But his intelligence gave him the complexity that he just needed for his characteristics. Because as aforementioned, he's not someone to easily like or fall in love with. And I think that's quite rare in characters, and very much appreciated due to the fact it gives the fans a chance to not actually stay on a flat level of knowledge regarding their favorite characters.

I've slowly started to see myself in some aspects of him, which was the number one factor of liking him. Then came the Maeno magic when I realized Camus shares the same VA as another character that I love as well. (Hamelin, from SinoAlice.) From then, everything went downhill.

In a good way. I think..

Well, that is all from me, please read about this handsome man and appreciate his hard work both as an individual and as an idol. There is SO much to him that's p much overlooked and I'm getting broke from spending my money on his living expenses rent free in my head. Take him off my head.

#utapri #utanoprincesama #uta no prince sama #Reiji kotobuki #Kotobuki reiji #Ranmaru kurosaki #utapri camus #ai mikaze #mikaze ai #quartet night

[uncloseted]

i related to effy an unhealthy amount when i was only 13 when i first watched it, but at the time i wasnt doing drugs, homewrecking, doing anything that young lol. however i was extremely mentally ill but undiagnosed, and so confused but i found solace in effys character because of how similar i felt to her. flashforward to being 20 now and im a nic addict/borderline drug and alcohol addict that forgets to take my prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics. i cant tell you how many events of effys life have mirrored mine now 7 years later, both the pretty but mostly the ugly. it all feels like a joke to me, and the thing is of course it wasnt effy the fictional character that did this to me, it was the fact that i was genetically and epically set up to do this to me for as long as i existed and i saw myself in her too young. everyone ive ever met and started to befriend has fallen in love with me, has found me beautiful, and then seen my flaws and hated me even if they didnt tell me to my face. ive been a horrible friend and partner and im flighty and unreliable and destructive. i never saw effy, or a person like effy, find a happy ending and im afraid even when im at my manic highs i will never find a lasting happiness and will always accidentally self sabotage until i die. what im trying to ask is, how can i save me? i know its dumb to ask a random tumblr user but ive been following this blog since i was 13-14 and since you know effy through and through, you might know a little about me. its a long shot. (i’d also like to say this isnt a cry for help and im safe/not actively suicidal so i dont want you to feel like theres any pressure like that, but i did use this ask box as a free therapy session.)

I'm a bit biased, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a random Tumblr user at all. I'm happy to be a free therapy session when you need one, and I'm really touched that you've trusted me with your thoughts and feelings for so long. Hopefully I've been some help over the years 😆

Coping with mental illness can be really, really hard, but the good news is that with the right tools and support system, you can absolutely recover. It sounds like you already have a psychiatrist in your life, which is a great start. If you've having trouble remembering to take your medication, it might help to set calendar reminders on your phone, set up text prompts to remind you to take your pills, to link taking your pills with something else you do every day (like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast), or to reward yourself for taking your medication (for example, putting a piece of candy in your pill box that you can eat after taking your pill).

If you don't have one already, a therapist might also be a good idea. It can take a while to find the right therapist for you, so schedule a few appointments and see which therapist you "click" with. A therapist can help you work through any reluctance you might have towards taking you medications, as well as helping you come up with day to day strategies that help you achieve your goals and helping you work through the beliefs that you hold about yourself and the world that may be holding you back.

Moving on to talking about addiction for a bit. I strongly believe that addiction doesn't come from some type of inherent lack of willpower or moral failing, or even really the drug itself. It's the need to escape reality. And that's actually supported by scientific literature; most famously, the Rat Park experiment by Bruce K Alexander. Practically, we've seen that same thing in the aftermath of Portugal's decision to decriminalize all drugs. They took the money they were using to keep drug users in prison, and instead invested that money into reconnecting people who struggle with addiction to society. Their goal was to make sure that every person who struggles with addiction has a reason to get up in the morning and has a support system within the wider society. And it actually worked- injection drug use is down 50%, overdoses and HIV infections have massively decreased, and rates of addiction decreased as well. It's much easier to quit when you have something motivating you to keep going.

Why am I telling you all of this? I guess what I'm trying to get at is in order to recover from addiction, I think first people need to understand what the reality is that they're trying to escape. What can be done about those issues? Who's in your corner trying to support you, even if they're not doing the best job at it? Where else can you get the social support you might need? What are you passionate about? What would make it feel worth it to get up in the morning? I think instead of focusing on the drugs, or the alcohol, or the cigarettes, maybe we should focus on solving the root problems that make those attractive options. That's one of the reasons a therapist is a really good idea; they can help you figure out what those root problems are, and provide resources and tools to help you fix those problems.

In terms of practical, do it yourself advice for dealing with addiction, there are a couple things you might try. I did a whole post on evidence-based ways to set goals and follow through on them here, so I won't rehash it in this post, but basically:

Try to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. For you, this might be something like "My goal is to have only one drink a day (measurable and achievable) for week (time bound) so that I can be more reliable for my friends (relevant)".

Instead of trying to quit something, replace it with something else. For example, "when I feel like smoking, I'm going to do ten minutes of learning Korean instead". Learning something new is easier and more exciting, and so new habits are easier to maintain that breaking old ones. Find a new hobby that you've always wanted to do or that's exciting to you, and try to focus your energies on that to distract yourself.

Identify any obstacles (such as environmental triggers) that you might run into, and develop contingency plans for working around them. This might be something like, "when I drink coffee in the morning, I want to smoke, so I'm going to switch to tea instead." If you can, get rid of all environmental triggers that might remind you of your addiction or trigger a craving.

Get someone else involved. Tell a friend about your goal and have them check up on you. Your fear of disappointing them will help you stay on track.

Put money on the line. Give money to a friend with the understanding that you'll get it back at a set date if you've achieved the goal you set. Tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause you really hate.

Write down the reasons you want to quit, and put them somewhere you know you'll see them. Whenever you want to engage in an addiction behavior, read through that list first.

For bonus points, add to that list your contingency plan for when you want to engage in an addiction behavior. These may include ways to redirect your attention or distract yourself until the craving passes.

76% of people who wrote down their goals, actions and provided weekly progress to a friend successfully achieved their goals.

You might also try an addiction recovery app, such as these, or doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets on your own if you can't access a therapist right now.

There are also some things you can try in order to improve your mood. As much as I hate that this is true, consistent exercise has a huge impact on mood. If you can, try taking a 20 minute walk outside, 3 times a week. Other (boring) things, like making sure you're getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night and eating regularly, can also make a big difference in mood. Some of you might know that I'm a little bit obsessed with the free Coursera class "The Science of Well-Being". It has a lot of great evidence-based tips and tricks for how to build happiness, and I highly recommend it if you're trying to live a happier life. These include things like journaling, meditating, noting things that you're grateful for, helping other people, and having regular social interactions.

Finally, a few philosophical thoughts. One of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism is dukkha. Basically, this is the idea that suffering is an innate characteristic of existence in our world. When I was younger, I never liked this concept, but I think now I kind of get it. It's impossible to be happy 100% of the time, and that shouldn't be our goal. Suffering is the comparison by which our lives gain meaning. But we can do our best to minimize our suffering and the suffering of others, and ride the wave of suffering when it does come. And each time we ride that wave, we can learn techniques to manage it a little bit better, and to make it easier the next time. We will sometimes sabotage ourselves out of fear, but we can learn how to do it less frequently and for the consequences to be less dire. We can learn how to forgive ourselves for our flaws and what we've done in the past, and learn from those mistakes so we don't do them again in the future. It's also okay to backslide, to struggle even after you've made progress. You're never back where you started, because you've always learned more and experienced more.

I know I've thrown kind of a lot at you in this post, and I don't expect you to try all of it or for all of it to work, but hopefully something in there is helpful to you. You can get through this. You can save yourself, but please, also remember to let others help save you. You don't need to do this on your own. And just like I have been since you were 13, I'm always here to give a free therapy session and to lend my support ❤️❤️❤️

[alterlifes-a]

tag muns you want to know better; repost - don’t reblog.

What inspired you to try/create that muse/s: well , if you’ve been with me long enough then you know that tooru started out as an AU ! o.ikawa t.ooru, where instead of attending s.eijou , he went to s.hiratorizawa ! to be honest , i kind of just wanted to try my hand at writing that kind of thing ? it was the very first time i had made a tumblr rp blog , so i had no idea that people rp different verses of the same character on one blog !! i originally rp’d on deviantart , and it was very commonplace to have different blogs for different verses ... i had over 70 rp blogs on there and most of them were literally the same 2 characters but in different AUs LMAO ... so imagine my surprise when i saw people rp’ing different AUs on one blog ... RP’ing multiple muses on one blog ... !! but i kinda just stayed with my iteration instead of playing canon ! kawa anyway , since i didn’t really see the point in starting over . as tooru developed more , though , i began to use him as a venting tool because this was a part of my life where i was really depressed . but as time grew on and i eventually made him into an OC , he became a much happier character . he really is my best friend ; he’s been there for me through it all , and even though he’s just fictional , i really owe him a lot for helping me out during rough times .

What is inspiration for that muse/s: well , currently , a lot of things ... lots of music , japanese culture + religion , and also my own experiences . in general , i have a p.interest board for him , so ... maybe you could say i draw inspiration from that , too ! i also rly enjoy the band MILI . their songs really fit tooru , like ‘ bathtub mermaid ’ . i’ve also been listening to hello , again and am planning on drawing something based on it for him ( + the song’s prequel , “ goodbye ” ) . i mainly tend to daydream while listening to songs , so ... yeah . as for characters who serve as inspiration for tooru ... well , i think that’s an artist meme , so i might just fill it in in lieu of answering this properly lol ... but two i can think of off the top of my head are leon from f.ire e.mblem e.choes and n.eferpitou from h.xh ! 

Thread/AU that made you really happy: B.NHA AU ... !! i’m hyperfixating sm on that one ... idk , a lot of planning and plotting goes into it , esp since a lot of my mutuals are in the fandom . in particular , i love love love the story i’ve created with @noquirk . i literally cannot envision a more perfect plot for tooru in this verse . heck , it’s literally my main go - to timeline when i draw / write for it . tooru is , quite literally , not very much in this AU without deck .

Something really special on your wishlist: sh ... more ships ... ships to draw and animate and make animatics to ... also i need to get my butt into gear and finish my JRPG AU group lol .

Something you are looking for in short future for your muse: blease tooru help me get thru the school year ... also i have some animatics in the back burner so i’m looking forward to getting those done !

Share something related to your muse!: his canon story , in parallel motion , deals with existentialism and alternate universes . ultimately , it’s a story that serves as a physical manifestation of my own struggle with depression , and while it’s sombre in tone , i want it to tell whoever’s reading it , “ you matter . ” it’s why tooru is placed into so many marginalized groups ; he’s fat and trans and biracial and bi and suffers from bpd + depression + anxiety but he’s a good person through it all ... his story is tragic because he’s not allowed to exist and will be forgotten when he dies , but his existence impacts so many other characters’ lives ... it’s a butterfly effect kind of thing . because you exist , you’ve made so many peoples’ lives better . and i understand it’s rough and i understand depression + sucky real life aspects try to convince you otherwise , but just ... think about it . there’s an alternate universe where , because you don’t exist , something huge was probably impacted . and even on a smaller , more intimate scale --- if you hadn’t existed in another life , then one of your friends might not be here . they might not be as happy as they are now , because you make them happy . life can be awful . but it’s wonderful and beautiful , too . that’s what i want tooru to be to others . someone to look up to and relate to , and someone who tells you , “ it’s okay ! ”

What do you think about character’s design/how do you came up with this: he’s ... kinda generic LOL mainly cause he’s based off of o.ikawa looks - wise due to his origin ... but part of his looks also derivate from an old ask blog muse i had :

i just really like that bangs - over - one - eye hairstyle ngl ... also i have no idea how / when his hair became maroon - brown since o.ikawa’s hair is chestnut brown , but ... yeah . also have no idea when he gained red eyes HDKJSFS,,,, i find fangs appealing on a character though , so that’s why he has fangs and does the :3c ... honestly i think i kinda just slapped together what i like in a design and put it on him , so even though he may look like an NPC ( lol ) , he’s still appealing in my eyes .

What your muse taught you: how to love being alive ... ( i’ve actually written an essay for a class about how he’s helped me through depression haha ... he means a lot to me , can you tell ? )

What is roleplay for you: all of you are awful and yet here i am anyway so really this says more about me than anything else .

Just say something nice about other mun!: @onfaith you are my ANGEL you mean sm to me and i wish u all the best with your studies  /  @tikkvn i love u sm cass ur an amazing person n a wonderful existence never forget that  /  @juuheart notay is my fave bleach chara also ur art is so cute  /  @wuvlite if i die all my money goes to u so u can keep drawing holy SHIZ ur art is #inspiration  /  @queznak ur very interesting and charismatic as a person  !!!  /  @uzvisen idk how to spell ur url this took me 3 tries but also ilysm  /  @conhnhaketon i also cant spell ur url but i hope ur doing well n ur eid was good , ik we’ve both been busy but i would live for u  /  @quirkthief ur one of my fave ppl i will forever tag u in shibes also i’ve supported u in u saying afo was hot even when he looked ugly n now i get to watch everyone who made fun of u writhe bc he is rly rly hot hahaha  /  @noquirk you’re so talented pls never stop what ur doing  /  @aerve you’re rly cool !!! 100% support u in everything u do ! >:0  /  @starbooms aries ur so creative ugh ... ur mind !!!!!! ik we don’t talk much but ur v fun  /  @bendsair i forget what other blogs ur on but chris ur the coolest #TalkRomania2Me  /  @creatied we don’t talk much either but ur graphics r so aesthetically appealing wowzers !!  /  @daimnas i’m wuv you amari !! also my french sucks but uhhh comment ca va ( i’m too lazy to find the accented ‘c’ dsfhi ) ??  /  @soarsun i’ve only known u for a few weeks but if anything happened to u i would kill everyone on this website n then myself  /  @quirkgifter nanners is the coolest n nana is the best grandma in town  /  @natsutodoroki im so jealous u got a canon url as ur rp url LMAO but also ur rly cool n fun even tho we dont talk too frequently !  /  @lechors​ LINNEA I WILL DIE FOR U RIGHT HERE RIGHT N---  /  @ YOU READING THIS BC I’M ABOUT TO FALL ASLEEP : YOU’RE AWESOME AND GREAT !

Tagged by: stole it from @queznak Tagging: whomstever 

#no formatting im heading 2 bed bye bye shkfjs #long post / #long post #meme . #what’s up —– i’m ru ‚ i’m 19 ‚ and i never h*ckin’ learned how to read . / ooc.

[resilientreader]

You already know how we work. 1 through 97 with the asks!

1. What’s your middle name? michelle  (mic-hell?)

2. What are you listening to right now? can’t help falling in love by haley reinhart

3. What was the last thing you ate? poptarts

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? u (haha mobile tumblr)

5. Do you drink? no

6. Do you smoke? no

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? the way they carry themselves/portray themselves to others

8. What is your hair color? dirty blond

9. What is your eye color? grey-ish blue

10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? yeah i wear glasses

11. Dogs or cats? give me all the fucking furballs

12. What’s your favorite animal? i wouldn’t be able to decide, there are too many good ones.

13. What’s your favorite television show? modern family is neat

14. What’s your favorite movie? uh,,i rlly like pitch perfect actually, from what i remember it was neat

15. What’s your favorite band/singer? i can’t really choose on a favorite, considering there are so many good ones, but mcr, relient k, mindy gledhill, and regina spektor are all near the top.

16. How old are you? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

17. Do you have a crush on anyone? My girlfriend

18. What’s your sexual orientation? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

19. What’s your favorite color? gray

20. What was your most embarrassing moment? existing in itself is embarrassing

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? yeah sometimes

22. What were you like when you were a kid? i was,,,immature

23. What would your dream house be like? books literally everywhere, rlly cozy and warm, soft colors and plush things literally everywhere.

24. What last made you laugh? a shitpost

25. What is your favorite word? perpetual

26. What is your least favorite word? can’t

27. What turns you on? a light switch

28. What turns you off? hey what do you know, it’s that same switch

29. What is your star sign? capricorn

30. What are your favorite books? harry potter series

31. Do you have any siblings? yeah, 3 of them

32. Do you like to dance? not often

33. What is your definition of cheating? being untruthful and going behind another’s back for personal gains and/or doing it out of fear

34. Have you ever cheated on someone? no

35. Do you regret anything? my existence

36. Do you have any phobias? yes plenty

37. Ever broken any bones? yeah, i snapped my femur in half once bc an old tv fell on it

38. Ever come close to death? yeah, when i snapped my femur in half bc the tv could’ve fallen on my head or w/e if i didn’t pull a sonic move

39. What is your religion, if any? i dont really have a set religion, i’m more just gonna let fate take the reins on what happens after i die and accept that really any religion could be true

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? no

41. Are looks important in a relationship? not at all

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? i’m pretty neutral on both of them, because i have some of my mom’s traits and some of my dad’s but i’m also like neither of them so

43. What is your favorite season? winter

44. Do you have any tattoos? no

45. Do you have any piercings? yeah

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? like,,,2-3

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? not really

48. Who is your celebrity crush? no one

49. Are you a virgin? yeah

50. Do you get jealous easily? not really i dont think

51. What is your favorite type of food? dessert 

52. Do you ever want to get married? sure, if i find the right person for it

53. Who was your first kiss with? i still haven’t had a kiss yet lmao (my girlfriend is like,,,online so?)

54. Have you ever been cheated on? i’m too oblivious to know

55. What is your idea of the perfect date? spending an evening/night just sitting w my so and talking to each other about everything. listening to them tell their life story, telling me their favorite things, things they think, really anything about them. we’d be cuddling and just having a nice conversation until the early hours of the morning, or even just laying there together in silence.

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? fuck yeah

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with? being able to draw or like sing

59. What is your saddest memory? frankly would rather keep this one to myself

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? yes

61. Do you believe in soul mates? yes and no

62. Have you ever dyed your hair? no

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you? not that i’m aware of

64. Would you go against your moral code for money? it depends on what i’d need the money for

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? i’m lactose intolerant (but completely disregard the fact and gorge on ice cream haha), the last time i drew something was months ago, and no one i don’t think has ever heard or experienced the full extent of my emotions/issues/being

66. Who are you jealous of? i’m not really jealous in general??? like i can’t name anyone who i’ve specifically been jealous of before????

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy? sometimes

68. How long was your longest relationship? the one i’m in, actually

69. Is the glass half empty or half full? why do i have half of a glass anyway

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? flirt with me

71. Who is your most loyal friend? not too sure

72. Are you in a relationship? yes

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? she’s so kind and enchanting and jfkfkjgk you don’t understand i don’t have a favorite thing there’s too many wonderful and amazing things about her, saying one good thing about her feels like it’d just omit everything else about her

74. Are you a bad person? i’m not the best judge for that

75. Are you a lover or a fighter? i think a lover, i’m not too sure

76. What did you do on your last birthday? stayed lowkey

77. What is your favorite quote and why? i don’t have a favorite quote, but i enjoy quotes that explore topics that are more spiritual rather than intellectual or anything

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? i would die inside along with their physical death

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? that one answer on that one test (aka ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? send messages to everyone i value telling them about how much i value and appreciate them before writing some last words

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? uh one time i dreamed that my family had a plushie contest in my old house and i had a python plushie that turned into an actual python, then at some point it started raining and like,,,,nutcrackers and giant gummy bears attacked my house???? and i lead???? some sort of attack against them?????? then woke up???

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? it depends on who i’m/i’d be in a relationship with

83. Who were you in a past life? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i can’t remember

84. What is your happiest childhood memory? this one christmas when i got a dog plushie bc it was,,so pure (i still have him)

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? like,,,once

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? yeah, lots of them

87. If you were the president, what would you do? implement new policies on equality and help square away the country’s budget, along with working towards making the government more unified and,,,you know, stuff like that

88. What is your ideal career? either being an author or a psychologist, both are really neat

89. What is your political affiliation? lmao idrc about politics

90. Are you conservative or liberal? again idc about affiliating myself with one or the other

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection? both are beautiful, no matter the shape

92. Do you like kissing in public? yeah i’m fine with it

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? the fact that people can’t accept that people and opinions can differ from their own views and/or values

94. Where would you like to live? scotland

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation? alaska

96. Describe yourself in one word. conflicted

97. Describe yourself in one sentence. a mess that won’t change.

#asks

[aparoxysm]

3,5,7,8,9,12,15,18,19,20

✿  Does anyone in real life know about your RPing hobby and what, if anything, have they said about it?

My parents know, because for as long as I’ve been on the internet, they’ve known that I like to write and write with friends overseas. My dad still calls it fanfiction somtimes to other people, like he’s proud of me or something, and that’s enough to make me want to never talk to him again out of embarrassment, ha, but I deal with it. Because I truly do love writing more than anything. Other than that, my boyfriend knows, but he doesn’t care about it / ask questions and I don’t really like to tell him about it either. I’m not as embarrassed about RP as I used to be, but I still feel like it’s just something for me that other people wouldn’t really understand the mechanics of. The only times my boyfriend and I do acknowledge it is when I start talking about an RP friend he hasn’t heard about before like a real life friend, so he’s like who dat and im like oh, new rp friend from > insert country

That being said, he actually did surprise me the other week and I have been holding onto it for fear life. We were complaining about a friend who literally just sleeps and watches Netflix all day when she’s not working, and he’s like “I don’t get how you can do that” and im like “Well I have friends online who claim to do that a lot. Me, personally, I’d get too bored.” and hes like “I just don’t get how people can do nothing all the time? Like at least with you and your online stuff, that’s still doing something. I just feel like that’s actually a hobby.” and I kind of didn’t hear whatever else it is he said because he actually ??? referred to my RP addiction as something valid and worthy??? and all this time i’ve assumed he didn’t get it and thought it was dumb??? IDK, it made me feel good.

✿  Have you considered writing professionally or do you have plans to?

Always. But I never will, I don’t think.

✿  How do you handle the toxicity sometimes found in the roleplaying community, particularly in fandoms?How has roleplaying, specifically, impacted your life?

I use tumblr savior to blacklist a lot, because it really gets too much for me to be exposed to it a lot, and it makes me feel shitty and not want to rp with certain people because of how they behave, or makes me feel guilty for how I behave… I usually drift away from things that give me major negative vibes, otherwise I become in great, exponential danger of saying something i’ll regret. I’ve hated Tumblr RP a lot in this last year. It’s nowhere near as relaxed as it used to be, and I know there’s a lot of political debate on the topic of equality but I am not comfortable in a space where I have to edit everything I do and say or just not do or say it at all. When it gets like that level, a good dose of the unfollow button and keeping my mouth shut is what I find the most helpful.

✿  How has writing improved your life and do you see yourself sticking with it?

When I graduated high school, I went to college for art and animation, and it basically ruined my creative life. Before RP, I used to be an avid drawer, I sketched every day, I improved my skills and motivation so much, everyone knew me as the girl who drew in class instead of did her work, the girl who was going to grow up and be a famous artist, and when I went to college, it killed that for me. My ego took a big blow because the tech side of the course absolutely annihilated me, i couldn’t do it. so after that (and that was 2 years ago now) i haven’t really drawn since. but the silver lining was that I took on RP more dedicatedly after that, and found that I truly adored writing. Try as I might, I’ve never really comitted to a personal writing project, and it’s only in the recent times that I’ve taken the pressure off for me to do it, but. RP makes me happy, it makes me feel like I’m doing something good when I reply to people or make new friendships, it makes me feel like I’m wanted and needed, that my characters and plots are valid and that other people would care if I’m here or not. It was a big boost for my self confidence, and it’s also made me so much more privy to the creative world, which i needed after that. so yeah, i see myself sticking with writing.

✿  Is there a quote from a piece of literature that holds great value to you? What is it and why is it important to you?

She stood in front of her closet mirror in her T-shirt and twisted this way and that. What’s wrong with me? She wondered. There was nothing the matter that she could see. She was tall and leggy, like her mother, with full breasts, small waist, and slim hips that curved enough to show she was female. Her skin was gently golden; it was always golden, sun or not, and her tawny hair was thick and long and wild. So why was it that groups of girls stopped talking when she approached them at school and answered her openings with tense words that killed the conversations she tried to start? Was she too good-looking? Was that possible? Was that the threat they saw? 

Legitimately, this was the first and pretty much only female protagonist I had ever read about who fully and whole-heartedly loved herself where it mattered. Sure, she still had her shortcomings and moments of weakness, but god damn, Vivian was so proud of herself and what she stood for, and that was so refreshing to see during that period of young adult fiction. It’s why she became my first favourite character from a book. And has pretty much inspired me to write feirce, aggressive, self-assured female characters ever since. I was just so inspired by her way of thinking as a young girl, it appealed to me so much and so that moment in the book plus a whole lot of others, really stuck with me.

✿  What do you typically look for in a roleplay partner?

Cliche, but chemistry. And not always in the writing kind but a lot in the OOC kind. I like people who I can talk to super easily, who write in the same tumblr language I do, who reference memes and are not afraid to hit me up with IMs and head canons, etc. I just love it because it makes me feel comfortable with a person, and like I’m not being a bother. The better I get to know a player, the better I get to know their character away from IC interactions. Likewise, I adore it when players get to know me so well that they read the patterns in my characters easily, and I don’t feel like I have to explain them all the time? It’s like they just know, and they know what path I want to put them on. I also look for honesty, people who are down to tell me what they’re feeling about a situation or whether something bothers them, or is able to voice if I’m doing something wrong. Most importantly though, I look for decisive people. Not overly decisive but it’s just so important for me to have someone who is like “yes that sounds good, i can start a thing for you if you want” or “i dont think that really fits, how about this plot idea instead?” I really cannot stand sending IMs to people about plots and characters and them just agreeing off the bat the whole time, but never really deciding on anything either, and so it makes me feel like i’m just paddling in a circle until i make all the decisions for us. To me, that’s not what RP is about. It involves teamwork, and effort, and to me, that’s not putting in effort. It gets me really frustrated.

✿  What made you want to join the roleplaying community?

I kept seeing bios in celebrity tags, and so when i sussed out what group rp was on tumblr, i was like holy shit there is a name for the thing i have been doing with friends over email for so many years???? and you can use PICTURES? i gotta get on this.

so somehow, i found a group rp that allowed mythical creatures, i wanted to be a peter pan mermaid, and the rest is history~~

✿  What one piece of literature has been most inspirational/life changing for you? Why?

(( Blood & Chocolate, by Anette Curtis Klause — because of the main character, as per mentioned. She’s inspired me to write full-on, aggressive, assertive, don’t-tell-me-what-i-can-and-cant-do female characters without apology. ))

The Truth About Forever  by Sarah Dessen — it’s hard to explain exactly why, and it doesnt even just involve ONE of her books either, but they’ve kind of shaped my whole general character story directions?? her books always follow a pattern and i really admire that pattern, even if it is repetitive, and i am secretly a hopeless romantic so i really like how her love stories evolve. it’s always slow burning, the boy is usually a direct surprising love interest, and the girl always gains new friends and family out of it, and the stories always involve a nice little reoccurring theme. In the Truth About Forever, it’s a game that she and a boy plays throughout the entire book, which eventually leads to a shift from friendship to something more. THAT PLOT HAS APPEALED TO ME EVERY SINCE. the example of a teeny, tiny, otherwise-completely-average moment greatly impacting the rest of a characters life with someone else… i am weAK for this concept ok. her females are always usally feircely independent too and that gets me ♥

✿  Who are your top three favorite fictional characters and why?

Vivian Gandillon (Blood & Chocolate) — i swear i could go on repeat forever haha, but i’ve basically already mentioned why.

Jace Herondale (Shadowhunter Series) — back when the first like, two books had only been published, i super fell hard for this series and it was straight up because of the commentary done by Jace and his ability to senselessly bicker with everybody in his path. his comments to me, were always absolutely hysterical. i was so in love with his wry and witty comments, especially the way he kept at ease and casual through super distressing situations, and i really wish id kept reading the rest of the series as it was published, but i seriously fell behind. then the movie came out. then the netflix series. now i’ve grown too far out of it and having to see the cast on my dash every second of every day makes me want to burn the books.

Shane Collins (Morganville Vampire Series) — this is an oooold old series that i used to read religiously, and it was more in the style of anita blake and buffy vampires~ rather than twilight and true blood -esque content. it got really weird and complicated though so i gave up on it, but for a time, i adored it. and i loved shane because he was hilariously human, he hated everybody except his housemates (though sometimes that could be questioned) and nobody held a grudge better than him. he had a knack for getting in trouble, usually on his own accord, was feircely protective and spent most of his time just being a genuine nuisance and temper tantrum thrower. i saw a lot of me in him, and idk. i just like people with tempers, i think it makes them super fun to read. 

#me af #psa; ooc #psa; my library #shehasnoears

[strangeandromeda]

some rly random ed recovery tipsiezzz!!

uh yeahh, mainly towards thoughts, ”milder” cases - like me, i struggle with mild anorexia and mild asf bingeing, but mainly i have A LOT of anxieties and thoughts and weird behavior around food and exercise - aka whether you’ve lost/gained a lot of weight or not, your struggle is valid. in all cases.

uhh idk this ain’t universal just some shit that worked for me

- makeup is fun. find that point of joy of looking in the mirror - instead of using makeup to look ”better”, use it to find a new way of looking at urself in the mirror. some youtubers/ppl i like: evelina forsell, linda hallberg, itslikelymakeup, klaire de lys, sammiespeaks, sherliza moe, um yeah.

- another one for trying to love yourself and your own image - get some cute ass lingerie. honestly. i’m having great troubles seeing my own naked body in the mirror, but if i’m wearing a black lacy bralette? i don’t have time to hate my stomach or smth.

- no but basic self care, actually seeing your body as something that deserves time, is great. showers, moisturizers, painting ur nails, that shit.

- recognize your triggers. learn what your triggers are. not everyone is triggered by thinspo pictures. some of my biggest triggers are people complimenting my body and newspaper articles about healthy eating. learning your triggers can help you avoid them, sure, but remember that you will never be able to completly avoid all your triggers. u gotta learn to work around them. which is hard and idk how. also, understanding your triggers help you understanding where your illness came from.

- work on not caring about what people think. this will probably take years. but it’s needed. it surely is. and i mean not only in regards of how your body looks, but also other things. what films you like. what makeup you wear. what clothes you wear. what food you eat. i think fake it ’til you make it is a great place to begin here.

- friends are great n helpful, if u have close friends u care abt n u know they care abt u - talk to them. tell them how you feel. show your inside hurt through words, u don’t have to show it through your body. talking to my best friend, who also suffers from anorexia though, had helped me a lot. it has helped her too. but!!!!! don’t talk to friends if you’re not sure they will listen or understand or if they actually care!!!!! mistake i’ve made. it’s horrible.

- therapy is kinda good too, no but honestly if u have the money go to it. my therapist didn’t help me at all, but even that experience - that the state can’t fix everything - helped me too. i’ll try going to another one too, esp since it’s free where i live, and i know friends who has had great experiences.

- helping ppl is something that is kinda good - it helps you see the worth in yourslef and the changes u can make in the world. however!!!! if u are a ”giver”, like me, and you give yourself and all your energy in pieces to literally every one you get to know and like you want to help and heal everyone - you will get exhausted. u need people who give YOU energy too. people who are there for you in return, people that actually care for you. srsly.

- working out is not something u generally should do, however for me, as an over-exerciser it was impossible to just stop and well, baby steps is the way to go, so i do yoga. it’s also nice and calming. idk can also easily turn into an obsession but i couldn’t survive without it, honestly. keeps me somewhat sane, a healthier way to cope.

- baking us hella fun. also a great way to practice being close to The Scary Stuff, aka the food. it is a lot of fun.

- saying yes to shit. live a little. doing stuff will make u feel strong and powerful and the universe will send u people and stuff and you will have fun and live a life. trust me. it’s great. scary, awkward, tiring, weird, hard, but hella worth it.

- yt vids are fun to watch and help me calm down. find aesthetic cute channels with calming voices.

- sleep a little less. be wild. experience the world see the beauty. even if it’s just on the internet. have some fun.

- hang out w friends. they (if they good n worthy of being ur friend) will help u forget anxious thoughts, u will ahve some fun and feel supported.

- acknowledge dont ignore the thoughts. !!. ur thoughts about food and weight will always be there for you. you won’t always be strong enough to aggressively ignore them. ignoring them takes energy. learn to live with them. think the thoughts u have from start to finish, feel the little ting of anxiety in your stomach, and move on with your life. it’s just a thought. it’s there, yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s true or that you have to act as it tells you to. if it feels easier, tell someone that u are having a Thought.

- recognize others behaviour and help them!! so many people struggle with, if eating disorders, disordered eating - aka general undiagnosed anxiety around eating. u are a pro at ed’s, so recognize these behaviors, and if they are a close friend, talk to them qbout it - or just about how their life has been lately, if there is anything bothering them, talk about toxic beauty standards, etc etc. use your power of ed knowledge to stop it from spreading.

- recognize other compulsive issues in urself. behaviors might come back as other unhealthy coping mechanisms - try seeing if you’re starting to do something else that is harmful instead of controlling just your food intake.

- it will take years.

- fiction bitch fiction. escapism. podcasts, books, films. hide from the real world and it’s horrors, find strength and inspiration in the characters.

it’s gonna be great. i believe in u.

#ed recovery #anorexia recovery #eating disorder #disordered eating #op