#if you ship them I’ll break your kneecaps they’re RELATED

[skyward-floored]

“Hero, what ails you?” - Chapter 3

Last chapter! Thanks for reading (or rereading!) my fic :D

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Link awoke to the sight of a wooden roof over his head, a throat that felt like he’d gargled rocks, and the distinct and unfortunately familiar feeling of being utterly exhausted.

He laid perfectly still for a few moments while he woke up, listening to the sound of his breath rasping in his chest. Trying to ignore the pounding in his head, he stared blearily at the ceiling, but the sensation was too intense to ignore. Link felt completely drained, and was about to let his eyes slide closed again when he realized he wasn’t quite sure where he was. And that he should probably figure that out to avoid any unpleasant surprises in the near future.

So he blinked his eyes open further with a small groan, looking around where he’d ended up.

Based on the walls and ceiling’s slightly weathered state, it looked like he was in Kakariko, probably the Elde Inn if he’d have to guess. He was lying in a surprisingly comfortable bed in his underclothes, with a sheet on top just thick enough to keep him warm but not so much as to make him overheat. The room seemed familiar to Link as well, in fact... this was where Ralis had stayed when he was injured wasn’t it?

“Ah Link, you’re awake!”

Link turned his head the other way to see Renado standing nearby, looking pleased at the sight of him conscious. He gave Link a warm smile, and set down the book he’d been holding.

“You’ve been out for some time, how are you feeling?” Renado continued as he crossed over to the hero’s bedside.

Link went to answer but broke into a coughing fit instead, the reply catching in his throat and making it ache as his breath rattled painfully in his chest.

“Hm. Still getting there.”

Renado pressed a hand over Link’s chest as he continued to cough, then once he’d finished moved it to his forehead. He hummed in satisfaction, then studied Link’s face.

“Your cough is better, much better,” he said, relief evident in his voice. Link wasn’t so sure about that based on what breathing felt like. “You’re improving very well. When we found you I honestly wasn’t sure you were going to pull through, it took some doing to get you stable.”

Link stared at him, confusion making his head hurt even further.

When they’d found him?

What exactly had he been doing before now? He was sure he hadn’t been in Kakariko the last time he’d been conscious, but... how did he get here? Link tried to think back to what he’d been doing before he was asleep, but his mind came up annoyingly blank, still foggy from just waking up.

“Re...” he began, but his voice died out on him. He cleared his throat and tried again, and was pleased when the words behaved somewhat. “Renado, was there... anyone...” Link trailed off, blinking tiredly. “How’d... I get here? Did someone bring me?”

The healer raised an eyebrow at him as he continued his examination.

“You were alone on my doorstep when we found you, with a nasty fever and one of the worst coughs I’ve personally ever seen. Nobody else was there,” he explained gently, peering at Link’s eyelids.

Link frowned.

The last thing he really remembered was the Shade sending him out of the realm where he taught him the hidden skills, then telling him Kakariko would be the ideal spot for him to go. Everything after that was just a haze of coughing and muggy darkness.

And... arms.

Arms that weren’t warm but were comfortable all the same, that held him the same way Rusl used to when he was small and loved being carried about. Gentle, but solid. Safe.

Fatherly.

Link opened his mouth so Renado could check his throat, but only half-focused on whatever it was he was saying. Someone had carried him here, he was sure of it now.

But who?

Renado helped him sit up a little, handing him a cup and telling him to drink while he continued checking him over.

“I assumed you’d managed to get here yourself. Did someone take you?” the healer asked, checking his nose as he began to drink.

Link sipped the water, giving a small shrug. He wasn’t entirely sure what had happened other then he’d ended up here somehow after being with the Shade. And he couldn’t exactly explain him to Renado.

“Hm.”

Renado finished his examination a few minutes later, and told Link that he should get some more rest. Then he left the room, but not before promising to bring some food up in a bit.

The moment the healer left Link’s shadow wavered, and the familiar form of Midna popped up, a hand resting on her hip. She looked down at him, face unreadable, before she flashed him an uncaring smirk.

“Well well, sleeping beauty awakens. All better wolf boy?”

Link couldn’t help the smile that tugged his cheeks. “Getting there Midna,” he rasped, “I’ll be... good to go within a day or two.”

Renado had said at least a week, but Link had always been a quick healer.

Midna looked him over for a bit then nodded to herself. “Good. Sooner you get your behind out of bed the sooner we can go kick Zant’s sorry carcass into oblivion.”

He laughed at that, though it quickly turned into a coughing fit.

Midna jerked like she was about to go to his side, but stopped herself, instead zipping over to a bookshelf as if that was where she’d been headed the entire time. Link watched her scan the shelves and pick a book as he finished hacking, the imp blowing some dust off the thing and studying the cover boredly before chucking it to the side and reaching for another.

“Hey Midna...” he asked as she rifled through the books on the shelf, “how did I get here?”

The shadowy imp stopped digging and stared at him, an eyebrow raised.

“You don’t remember?”

Link shook his head.

Midna snorted, then burst into laughter, clutching her sides as she floated into the middle of the room. “You don’t? Oh you really don’t remember! Spirits that’s hilarious, he gets dragged halfway across Hyrule and owes his life to the guy, but doesn’t even remember him doing it!”

Link watched her cackle, completely unamused. “I don’t exactly see what’s so funny about that,” he rasped.

Midna wiped a tear out of her eye, still chuckling to herself. “Your sense of humor is terrible then.”

Link huffed. “Okay fine. Would you mind telling me who did bring me here?” he asked, crossing his arms. “I’m sure it wasn’t you with those skinny little legs.”

Midna’s laughter finally stopped. “Watch it wolf boy, or maybe I’ll decide to keep it to myself.”

Link rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything else, raising his eyebrows at her in a pleading sort of way. A sigh came from the bookshelf, and Midna floated back over to his bed, rolling her eyes back at him.

She landed by his feet and crossed her arms behind her head as she looked at him, then examined the sheet underneath her.

“It was your mentor guy. That gold wolf you know?” she explained, “He got all un-skeletony then carried you across most of Hyrule Field. Brought you here then left, though he was acting pretty strange the whole time. Kinda clingy. More... emotional, I guess.”

Link stared at her.

The enigmatic skeleton who taught him songs and long-forgotten sword techniques had carried him all the way to Kakariko? He was the one who’s hold had felt so weirdly familiar?

He cared enough for Link to drag him all the way here?

“He— he did?” Link rasped, though if it was from his cough or the shock he wasn’t sure. “He really did? He got... un-skeletony? Since— since when could he do that—“ his voice cracked on the last word, and he broke into another coughing fit, this one going on much longer than the others had.

Midna watched him cough for a minute before finally breaking down and floating up to his side, hesitantly thumping him on the back as his hacking continued.

“Yeah Link, he did,” she said a little quietly, voice oddly serious. “You were in bad shape, so much that teleporting you wasn’t an option. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone get that sick before, at one point you weren’t—”

She cut off and looked away.

It took a bit for her to speak again, and when she did, her voice was still unusually quiet.

“You know, I think he saved your life.”

Link’s coughs finally waned, and he leaned back on the pillow, staring exhaustedly up at the ceiling.

He hadn’t even considered the Shade had been the one to carry him here. Sure he was the skeleton’s somewhat-accidental student, but taking him all the way to Kakariko?

The Shade seemed to stick solely to certain spots, only choice locations around Hyrule, and in his own strange realm. He’d never said he couldn’t be in other areas but Link always felt like it was implied, like it was physically more difficult for him to be in the waking world so he limited his time here.

He’d gone against that for Link?

The hero rubbed a hand across his eyes, his headache growing worse. There was a piece of information he was missing here, but he was too exhausted to even try and figure out what it was right now.

He held back a yawn, and felt hands push him down the rest of the way until he was fully laying down. Link’s blanket was haphazardly tossed over him, and he felt his eyelids droop.

“Get some more rest wolf, we’ve got places to be,” Midna said lightly, the sass already back in her voice. “We can talk more tomorrow.”

Link didn’t even hear her. He was already back asleep.

(...)

Link spent the next several days recovering in Kakariko under the watchful eye of Renado, and Luda as well. He felt plenty rested by the third day and decided to get a move on, but the healer immediately stopped him and repeated his orders that he wasn’t allowed to leave for at least a week.

“Link, I’ll tell you straight; you nearly died,” he said sternly, “your body needs to recover much more before you even think about continuing on your way.”

Which was ridiculous because Link felt perfectly fine.

All he had was a bit of a lingering cough, and an on and off headache that bothered him occasionally. Maybe he tired a bit more quickly now too, but it would hardly get better if he just sat around and rested.

So despite the warning, Link repeatedly tried to slip out of the village and get a move on.

But Renado knew him well by now, and had enlisted the help of the gorons and Ordon kids in keeping Link confined. He was never able get past all of them without being seen, his body too weak for him to run terribly far if he was spotted. After an attempt when one of the gorons had to actually carry him back after he’d gone into a particularly severe coughing fit, he’d begrudgingly admitted that maybe Renado had a point.

Even Midna mentioned he might want to wait a bit longer before going, stating that if he left as he was “he’d only make a mess of things,” and he was an idiot for pushing himself again.

He ended up spending a further week and a half in Kakariko recovering.

The extended rest gave him plenty of time to mull things over regarding the Shade and what exactly had happened that night he’d seen him, and though Midna continued to be dodgy about the details, he at least managed to pick up that he had stopped breathing at one point.

And apparently the Shade had gotten it going again.

He still couldn’t quite wrap his head around the fact that he’d been the one to bring him to Kakariko. It was as if his brain just refused to believe it. He just couldn’t equate the stern skeleton who taught him deadly sword techniques with the gentle arms he remembered carrying him here.

But he did know he needed to apologize for having to be carried in the first place.

So once he was finally healthy enough to leave and he bid goodbye to the residents of the village, Link already knew exactly where he’d head first.

(...)

Link dismounted Epona and walked into the clearing where he’d met the Shade last, his heart thudding nervously in his chest.

He’d practically been stumbling the last time he’d been here, stubbornly convincing himself he was healthy enough to learn a new skill. Even despite the voice in his head that had sounded suspiciously like Uli’s reminding him not to push himself.

Link sighed. Looking back on it he felt like such an idiot.

He glanced around the clearing, scanning for the familiar wolf form and red eye of his teacher through the dappled sunlight. He wasn’t quite sure the wolf would even be there, but he was pleasantly surprised to see his gold fur shining in the morning sun, ears perked as he came into view.

Link swallowed and came forward, feeling the wolf’s eye follow him as he walked closer. He reached a certain distance away from the wolf, then pulled out his sword and faced him as he usually did.

A few seconds went by without the wolf doing anything and Link started to sweat.

He’d been so foolish, would the Shade even want to teach him more sword techniques? He’d been such a problem last time, he wouldn’t even blame him if he just left Link standing here like an idiot. He’d certainly deserve it.

But then the wolf growled and leapt at his face, and Link’s world went white.

(...)

He came back to himself gradually, the familiar sensation of what felt like a mist clearing from his head greeting him as he awoke.

Link blinked his eyes open and got to his feet, looking for and spotting the wolf who sat patiently a few feet in front of him. The beast stared at Link for a moment, then howled, changing seamlessly from a wolf to a skeleton.

The Shade stood silently in front of him, all six or so feet of large undead skeleton, and Link felt another wave of nervousness hit.

He swallowed and calmed his racing heart, not even letting the Shade start with his usual greeting before he began to talk.

“I... I want to thank you,” he said, and the Shade silently watched him. “For bringing me to Kakariko. And for... for saving my life. I’m sorry you had to drag me around, I’m incredibly grateful.”

He cleared his throat and ignored the faint urge to cough. “I... I hope I can make it up to you. For your trouble. I apologize for insisting I was fine during the last lesson.”

He bowed his head. “I understand if you no longer wish to pass your techniques on to me.”

Silence settled between them, and Link swallowed, continuing to look at his feet. He flicked his eyes up to gauge the Shade’s reaction, and gulped as he saw that he was merely continuing to stare.

Then he stalked forwards towards him, and Link shrank back, expecting a rebuke.

But he was utterly surprised when instead his teacher settled a gloved hand on his shoulder, giving it an oddly gentle squeeze as he looked at Link.

“I’m glad you are all right,” he said softly.

Link fully raised his head and blinked at him in astonishment.

“It does me good to see you on your own two feet again,” the skeleton continued, “and you do not need to repay me, nor apologize for my involvement.”

The Shade closed his good eye. “I would do it again in a heartbeat.”

Link could only gape.

Then his manners kicked in and he gave the Shade a grateful nod.

“It was foolish for you to let yourself deteriorate to the point of sickness, but you’ve certainly learned your lesson,” the skeleton continued with what Link swore was a hint of amusement. “I said I would wait for you, and I have. You are healthy enough now to learn the next skill I presume?”

Link nodded, looking the skeleton steadily in the eye.

There was still an unsolved puzzle about the Shade he had no answer to, something that connected him and Link closer then just the bond of teacher and student. But Link had time to figure it out. His quest was far from over, and the Shade still had several techniques to pass on.

He’d figure it out someday.

“Then, enough time has been wasted. Let us proceed with the lesson,” the Shade proclaimed, drawing his weapon with a hiss of steel. Link drew his own, getting into a ready position as the skeleton drew back.

The Shade turned and raised his sword, his one eye glinting almost fondly at Link.

“You have a kingdom to save.”

And Link smiled, raising the Master Sword in return.

#legend of zelda #twilight princess #loz tp #hero’s shade #link #midna #loz midna #fic #hurt/comfort #sickfic #legend of zelda fanfiction #writing from the floor #and because the entire reason I’m crossposting these is because someone reported a jokey tag I had on it on ao3 #here is the jokey tag: #if you ship them I’ll break your kneecaps they’re RELATED #which is apparently severe harassment by ao3 standards??? bruh #anyway thanks for reading <3

[what-the-fuck-khr]

I completely understand if you don’t want to answer this as it will probably open a can of worms but may I as what you think are the worst KHR ships?

oh I don’t mind at all bc I like picking on these shippers and starting this beef :^)

main ship is D18. it’s STILL one of the most popular, despite ALL the problems. Kyoya is a minor, Dino is 22. also Kyoya doesn’t like him to any degree. he barely sees him as a mentor. not to mention that people act like the two can’t live on their own it’s :/ D18 shippers can rot it’s pedophilia <3

also any Reborn ship that’s not with another Arcobaleno. so. R27 and R80 and RL and other things similar. Yuck. self explanatory. Okay ALL Arcobaleno ships that’s not with another Arco bc I see 56L a little too much for my liking

X27 self explanatory if you ship it I’ll remove your kneecaps

G27 I’ll kill you THEYRE RELATED AND ALSO GIOTTO IS HUNDREDS OF YEARS OLD TSUNA IS 14

it’s not the worst but… just bc I don’t like it and don’t think it makes any actual romantic sense I’ll add XS here for the sake of it lol

most of them are all just,,, self explanatory. Pedophilia or Incest usually. There’s a very, Very unfortunate amount of those ships in this fandom and they’re all some of the most popular ones here, too. I hope those shippers break a rib or smth it’s disgusting

#I’m touched you’re concerned about me starting shit but ah #I don’t mind answering this at all #bc I think these shippers should be directly called out :^) #yeah they’re the worst #if I’ve forgotten any then oops but yeah #you get the gist of it #ask #lovely anon #khr

[allthingsfangirl101]

Nightmare Part 3–Mitch Rapp

Part 1, Part 2

Reader's POV

"Y/N?" I thought I heard someone hiss. "Come on, Y/N. Wake up."

My eyes fluttered open, my head instantly pounding. I lifted my head to see Mitch letting out a relieved sigh.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Where are we? What happened?"

"You were right," he sighed. "Security was off. It was a trap."

"Shit," I mumbled under my breath. "I'm sorry, Mitch. I should've seen this coming. Every time Anthony gets a new product, he pulls his security. He makes it looks like the room is empty, but they're actually hiding around the corner until the opportune moment to pounce. He used to do this kind of thing for a week after he got a new product."

Mitch just nodded as he looked around the room. "We gotta get out of here," he mumbled.

"There's no point," I sighed. "I'm sure Anthony recognized me on the spot. He should be here any minute."

"Glad to see you still remember how I run things, babe."

I sighed, Mitch glaring, as the door opened. I turned to see Anthony walking in, his infamous smirk on his face.

"How's my ex-favorite girl doing?" He teased.

"Business looks good," I smirked. "But your security still doesn't know how to tie someone up."

I stood up, my restraints falling to the ground as I smirked at him. I kicked my chair back, fighting one of the guards. As I fought, I briefly forgot about Mitch. Until. . .

"Enough!" Anthony yelled. I looked over and froze when he was holding Mitch, pointing a gun at him.

I put my hands up, stepping away. I grunted when two guys forced me to my knees as Anthony did the same to Mitch. I held my breath as Anthony looked between Mitch and me.

"Strange," he mumbled. "I didn't think. . . Who. . ."

I watched with wide eyes as Anthony leaned down and got in Mitch's face. "If you touch him," I threatened.

"What?" Anthony scoffed, looking over his shoulder at me. "Why does Nightmare care so much about some CIA agent?"

He smirked as he looked back at Mitch. "Oh," he said in a sing-songy voice. "I see it now. Same eyes, same murderous glare. You must be related. Siblings?"

He stood up and smirked down at Mitch, who was glaring up at him. I sucked in a breath when Anthony let out a loud, overly obnoxious laugh.

"By the look on his face, I'm guessing he is older than you," he said as he turned around, sending me a look that made me want to throw up. "That makes things very interesting," he taunted.

"Anthony," I said through my teeth. "Enough. Let him go. This shit is between you and me. He has nothing to do with it. I was the one who screwed you over. Three years ago, remember? I messed up your shipment. It wasn't a coincidence that Marillo got to your shipment first. I took Marillo's payment, stole your money that was supposed to go towards the shipment, and ran. It was me. Not him. Let him go."

Anthony's jaw clenched as I mentioned his and my last interaction. I was supposed to help him ship some merchandise overseas, but I double-crossed him. His rival paid me more for it.

"I am well aware of how you screwed me," he said through his teeth. His anger turned into a cocky smirk. "Which is exactly why I'm going to keep your brother here. It's perfect. To get to you, I hurt him."

I looked over when I heard Mitch scoff. "It doesn't matter what you do to me, I won't break. Which means she won't break."

"Really?" Anthony laughed. "Shall we test it out?"

"I really don't think. . ." I sucked in a breath as Anthony backhanded Mitch, cutting him off. I held it together until Anthony pulled out a knife and dragged it against Mitch's neck.

"Enough!" I yelled as I stood up. I grunted as two of his men instantly grabbed me, roughly forcing me back onto my knees.

"That was easy," Anthony laughed. He sighed as he turned back to me. "Answer something for me and how many bones I break in your brother's body depends on whether or not I like your answer."

"What do you want to know?" I asked through my teeth.

"Why are you here?"

I looked behind him at Mitch, who was silently telling me not to say anything. I smirked when I got a different idea. I had just enough time to see the worry in my brother's eyes before I turned my attention back to Anthony.

"Simple, really," I smirked. "I'm here because I have an opportunity for you. And me."

"To what?" Anthony scoffed. "To work together again?"

"Yep," I shrugged. "And to get back at the one person who pisses you off more than anything in the world."

"Marillo," he said, his voice darkening. I held in a smirk when I saw the confusion in Mitch's eyes.

"Marillo wants me to go back to working for him. I had another plan in mind."

"He is the one who used you to get to me," Anthony snarled.

"Exactly," I sighed, acting as if I was losing my patience. "He thinks I turned against you and am now loyal to him. We can use that. This time, we will be working together. I will tell you everything he plans to do so you can do it first."

I held my breath as I waited for his response. "What about him?" He sneered as he jabbed his thumb in Mitch's direction. "I thought he was CIA."

"He was," I annunciated.

"She came to me three months ago and asked for my help," Mitch jumped in, playing along. "Figured you would pay more than the CIA and I wouldn't be reprimanded for killing someone before asking him a bunch of dumbass questions he won't answer."

Anthony slowly smiled his signature evil smile. "I love it," he laughed. I had to resist rolling my eyes at how easy that was. "It's brilliant! Let them go."

The second we were both released, we started to fight. I grabbed the gun of one of the guys, turning to shoot the other. I could hear Mitch fighting behind me.

It didn't take us long to take down Anthony's men. Soon, it was just Mitch and me, pointing our guns at Anthony, his men dead around him.

"I gotta hand it to you, Nightmare." Anthony laughed. "You are always full of surprises."

"Make this easy on all of us," I sighed. "You know why we're here. Where's the flash drive?"

"Why would I tell you that?" He scoffed. I smirked as I pointed my gun, not hesitating to shoot his kneecap.

"Because, if you do, you'll have time to call an ambulance. If you don't, I'll kill you right now and search for it myself."

I heard him sigh as he debated. "Fine," he mumbled. "That shit isn't even worth it."

I smiled as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the drive, holding it out to me. I stepped forward and took it.

"Thanks," I smiled. I pulled the trigger, his body falling backwards.

"What happened to letting him call an ambulance?" Mitch said, trying not to laugh.

"We both know he would've killed us the second we turned around," I shrugged as I tossed him the flash drive.

"Nicely done, Nightmare," Mitch teased as he put the flash drive in his pocket.

I reached over and punched his shoulder hard. I smirked as he took a step back, clutching his shoulder in pain.

"What the hell was that for?" He said through his teeth.

"I already get enough of that from Hurley and the other guys," I scowled. "I don't need it from you too."

"Sorry," he chuckled, rolling the shoulder I punched. Mitch smirked as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, leading me out of the building.

"Come on, kid. Let's get out of here."

#Mitch Rapp #mitch rapp imagine #mitch rapp x reader #dylan o'brien #dylan o'brien imagine

[pen-and-a-microphone]

Do You have any unpopular opinions on anything? Six? Any other fandom you’re in or life in general.

Hmm, let me think. I eagerly await getting attacked for these, and I'm in a mood to debate, so feel free.

I guess I believe the fandom is separate from the actual living people that Six is based on. So, I don't think it's offensive to call them nicknames, ship them (unless they're super related, like I know they're all somewhat related historically, but Anne and Kat shouldn't be paired because their Six characters are clearly cousins), or whatever else. I think we've created characters based on people, but those people aren't the characters. If that makes sense. I know some people in the fandom feel very strongly about the historical part, but I don't.

I don't like Micheal from BMC. I don't like Micheal in the bathroom, I don't like his whole vibe, I just don't like him and his actions throughout the story.

I'm proudly "anti", or whatever the fuck they call it. Don't be writing pedophilia. Sure, if you wanna live out your murder fantasies via writing, then go ahead. There's no evidence to suggest that that's gonna make you more likely to actually murder someone. But if you deliberately age down characters, or take canon young children, and write them into sex scenes, then I'll come and break your kneecaps. Fuck free speech. I don't care.

I don't believe in self diagnosis. I understand that I'm speaking from a place of privilege, in that I live somewhere where I could see a doctor easily and for free. However, I've seen self diagnosis go wrong too many times. I think it's fine to identify with a label, and use that to find online resources to help yourself. But what's not okay is using the label publicly without doing anything to even try and help yourself. Like proanas who use eating disorders as a diet label. I know that's gonna be unpopular and people get very mad when I say this.

In the same vein, no illness is an excuse to be abusive, or to promote any harm to others. You also can't justify bad actions by saying "I'm a bad person". That's not an excuse, that's a personal flaw that you can work on. Pro self harm pages, no matter how "for personal use" are fucked up (venting is different to posting aesthetic quotes with razor blades behind them). Just make a private blog and don't damage anyone else. If your whole personality is being a dick to everyone, or just a mental illness, then you don't have a personality.

That's all I can think of rn? Feel free to come attack me

[pengiesama]

SWEET BABY!! THE SWEET BABY!!

so i’m fucking over the moon with happiness as regards the events in my most current berseria session, and the circumstances of this happiness actually DON’T involve sormik (so that’s how you really know something’s up)

REALLY BIG BERSERIA SPOILERS UP TO SNOWY VILLAGE #2, I’M SERIOUS

re: malak to human reincarnation: Eizen doesn't know how it works, but states it's most common with people with high resonance. it seems it can be affected by ceremonies and sacrifices, but CANNOT be affected by empyrean intervention.

shut the fuck up Fuckface McGetsStabbed; god i'm already so fucking tired of your pompous nihilistic bullshit i am zero percent surprised that you and your pompous nihilistic birdfucker of a brother-in-law were in cahoots even before stabgate happened

thankfully, Laphi knocks Velvet out of her BSOD by saying her journey and life has meaning bc she gave HIM a purpose and life, and the world is meaningless without her. 

Laphi: FINE VELVET EAT MY ARM BUT LEAVE ME THE OTHER SO I CAN PUNCH THAT FUCKER

SWEET BABY!! MY SWEET BABY!! HE'S THE MAGIC BOY!! GONNA FUCK UP INNOMINAT'S KNEECAPS WITH A HAMMER!! THE CLAW END!!

Velvet, literally: i am going to continue in my revenge quest because fuck you, fuck your face, i'm the lord of calamity and murder is how i do

as people unfortunate enough to be subjected to the shit-tier Zestiria anime were already spoiled for, Magilou is a Storyteller/Mayvin and has some nebulous tragic past as the fat old Abbey dude's (who's also a Mayvin) apprentice where he shattered her heart leaving her a shell because this is apparently now Kingdom Hearts

hi Hexen Isle. Zaveid has clearly been to this place and i don't remember if he mentions as such in Zestiria?

nice conversation on it means for a human to be reborn as a malak -- Eizen compares it to being rebuilt on a greater foundation. the whole skit is basically assuring Laphicet that he owes nothing to Artorius despite being related to him in a previous incarnation, and what matters is the life he lives now

so if i didn't mention it before, the Abbey's plan is to use Innominat's power to suppress human emotions in his domain to rob humanity of free will, thus eliminating malevolence (caused by human emotion) from the world. (malakhim, being what they are, seem to be more sensitive to this power and were affected by the free will suppression before Innominat became fully active.) Innominat feeds on malevolence, and needs it to stay awake -- when no more malevolence is around, he goes back to sleep and humans start being able to have free will again. to make sure Innominat can stay active indefinitely, the Abbey created Hexen Isle and the Calix to imprison malakhim there and turn the whole thing into a dragon farm -- dragons being immortal and able to generate malevolence just by existing. just in case you needed to be more horrified by the Abbey's treatment of malakhim/seraphim lol

bye Silva you were around for like five minutes *plays "My Heart Will Go On" on kazoo*

did you think Laphi was exaggerating about his desire to punch Innominat in the face? a true sweet baby never goes back on his promises and as such we get to witness Laphicet 2.0 literally fucking punch that pompous turd Laphicet 1.0 in the face

DID YOU THINK HE WAS DONE? Laphi then baits Fuckface McGetsStabbed into shooting his own miniboss, causing said miniboss to own him with a dying breath ray

DID YOU THINK HE WAS FUCKING DONE? Laphi then shakes off Innominat's pissy attempt to turn him into a dragon by manifesting the silver flame

yes, that silver flame

yes, i mean THAT that silver flame

yes, this is the actual best

*MICKEY MOUSE VOICE* YOU'RE ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE THE WRATH OF A GOD

the party then escapes by ship, leaving Innominat to throw a fuming tantrum with his chump henchmen about being the shitty beta release of Sweet Baby Tech; then sends daemonized assassin Aifread off to kill Laphi specifically

that whole business was probably the most richly satisfying scene in the whole game

i like that we're getting some discussion on what it means for humans to be reborn as a malakhim/seraphim. Seres' soul/whatever basically tells Velvet that she doesn't consider herself Celica at all, despite having recovered most of Celica's memories after the second Scarlet Night (when Fuckface McGetsStabbed got stabbed). Seres and Eizen both state that this memory recovery is INCREDIBLY rare when being reborn, which makes the fact that Sorey clearly retained most of his memories (at least the ones revolving around Mikleo lolol) and sense of self in Zestiria's epilogue all the more impressive

as an aside i think Zestiria implied Hexen Isle was in another dimension, but Berseria clearly shows that it's just a remote island off the coastline of the mainland. or maybe Zestiria just said it was really far away from where they were? there was some skit with a coconut or something i can't remember i was too busy desperately trying to fondle Mikleo's waist through my screen to pay attention to anything

we finally face off with daemon-Aifread; who tries to take Laphi hostage, who headbutts his way out of the situation in time for Eizen to follow up with a punch to the gut that somehow kills him hard enough that Laphi's new purifying flame trick only serves to return him to human form in time to die as himself. before he kicks it, tho, Aifread gives us good intel on what the Abbey is planning, and how to stop it

bye, Aifread, you were decently hot and you and Eizen probably fucked at some point *continues to play "My Heart Will Go On" on kazoo*

so now Innominat's domain has gone live; while incomplete (they're performing a ceremony for completion), it's managed to suppress human will in a good deal of cities on the mainland. our objective now is to awaken the four elemental empyreans (aka the elemental lords from Zestiria), who got imprisoned deep in the earthpulse by Innominat and the Abbey. once we awaken them (by dumping a pure soul into an earthpulse on the next Scarlet Night; and the standards for "pure" souls is pretty low b/c we're going with the souls of the racist fundie incest siblings that Velvet ate), they'll be able to help knock down Innominat a few pegs so Laphicet 2.0 can kneecap him again and the suppressing domain can go poof

i'm so fucking happy that Better Laphicet is Maotelus like this is so metal

Better Laphicet fucking usurps Shitty Laphicet's worship base and turns Innominat into an obscure historical footnote this is the best case scenario

the real Maotelus was the sweet baby we stole along the way

anyway back to the game where i get to hear a bunch of NPC exorcists casually talking about experiments that tried to fuse together multiple malakhim into one being; scoffing about how the malakhim involved finally had their minds break and ruined the whole experiment. Eizen immediately stated his intent to go put the result out of its misery but i think it stands to note that the Abbey's treatment and casual torture of malakhim STILL horrifies me even 60 hours into the game

now i sense we're in the endgame; after the events in SnowyVille Number Two. the post-bath scene between Velvet and Laphi was really sweet but while Laphi's future is looking bright i don't foresee any ending scenario that shakes out well for Velvet. i also have to hand it to Magilou: i started out HATING her, but after a well-advised switch to JP voices and her development through the game i'd say she's settled at a comfortable fourth place in the Favorite Character ranking (fifth if i'm allowed to count NPCs) and gets a B+ as a character overall. i don't easily forget or forgive annoying characters but i'll also hand it to Eleanor that she's fucking FINALLY stopped chugging the Abbey's kool-aid. she'll never be a fave but i've at least stopped actively wanting to dropkick her whenever she talks. that much cannot be said for the repulsive shrieking pedobait, who i continue to despise. (like, we're having a conflict right now on "omg what will happen to the therions when we powerbomb Innominat out of existence? they might die!!" and i'm like "please tell me that's a promise")

#i guess this is my personal tales of berseria tag now #i guess this is my personal tales of zestiria tag now