#ill be forever mad she was the rightful fucking queen of that city and she didnt deserve to end up like that

[lettersfrombeyondthegrave]

Gotham writers realized half way through that oh shit we just gave Fish the power of ordering around whoever she wants by just touching their skin, that's fuckin insane. We can't take it away, let's fucking kill her! So we can throw in even some more little sprinkle of trauma for Oswald why not

#ill be forever mad she was the rightful fucking queen of that city and she didnt deserve to end up like that #gotham

[nightmarist]

idk anyone in that bingo post but eridan fgshdbs

thats okay I have incredibly niche, weird interests lmaooo 

In case you or anyone else wants to know

Row 1:

Kamski from Detroit Become Human, creator of androids, you see him twice in the game and once in a trailer lmaoMorti is a super unknown character? Shes from dothack//DUSK, the villainess, a virus/vagrant ai bent on destroying the digital world and killing the players irlJohan from Monster. He was super abused his entire life thanks to nazi experimentation, along with his twin sister. One turned out “good” and one turned out “bad” and Johan is the “bad” one. Kyuubei from Madoka Magica. Gives young girls get One wish in exchange for becoming Magical Girls who fight witches. Contract? (ʘ‿ʘ✿)Ashiok from Magic: the Gathering, I love them. They leveled an entire city while being invisible to the gods and a small fleck, barely enough for a god to see, fell off their face. Keep in mind, half their face is gone. 

Row 2:

Death from Elisabeth but the Takarazuka version. An unfortunately hard find. They fall in love with Elisabeth and follows her, beckoning her to join them.Rorschach from Watchmen, such a good comic and honestly the best DC movie imho. He’s a complex, cynical character whose personality is the definition of black and white morality. The Hound from Game of Thrones, hes such an asshole but his edges soften up a little bit throughout. Still an asshole, though. Half his face was burned by his brother for touching his toys when they were kids. Hes afraid of fire. Ruvik from The Evil Within, super genius scientist, abused in childhood, suffered from a fire, decided to take revenge on the scientists who stole his work among other things. Kanna from Inuyasha, an extension of the main villain she uses a mirror to show whats happening elsewhere. 

Row 3: 

Black Lady from Sailor Moon, a corrupted version of Chibi Usa because she felt unloved by everyone, especially her parents, and decided to take over the moon kingdom after she became possessed by an Evil ThingThe Man In Black, a real sonuvagun from Westworld. Honestly his existence is a spoiler. Red Dragon from the movie Red Dragon - The actual person is Francis Dohlarhyde who was abandoned as a baby by his mom and constantly beaten and abused by his grandmother who refused to get him a reconstructive surgery he needed. He became “The Red Dragon” to murder/rape his victims (not necessarily in that order). Real sick fuck. The Count from Gankutsuou, which is just The Count of Monte Cristo as an anime, but instead of 1800s in France its the 3000s and in space.

Row 4:

Kuja from Final Fantasy 9, hes made out to be a minor villain until about halfway its revealed hes the Actual Big Bad. He’s a cruel pretty boy in a crop top, thong, thigh high combo. Elesh Norn from Magic the Gathering, shes a religious leader of a hivemind bent on assimilating all planes across the multiverse into the “perfection” of fusing flesh and metal. Ofelia from Pan’s Labyrinth, a little girl who lives in-between a fantasy world as a princess and the “real” world in which her step-father is a nationalist and her mother becomes ill. White Diamond, recently revealed at SDCC for Steven Universe. Everyone practically agrees she has a very cold abusive mother vibe. Naraku from Inuyasha, main villain, got mad that a priestess who healed his wounds didnt love him, decided to fuck up everyones life forever because of it

Row 5: 

Stefano from The Evil Within 2, former war photographer got blasted, decided to say “fuck it” and become an evil photographer instead, slashin up corpses and making em pose for pictures. He saw a slippery slope and grabbed a fuckin sled. Kaldur from Young Justice, aka Aqualad, Aquaman’s right hand who can use fancy atlantean magic.Prince Diamond from Sailor Moon, fell in love with sailor moon/neo queen serenity, was totally fine with not being loved back until some Evil Thing possessed him to try and Destroy Everything. Shared story arc with Black Lady and I ship them.Eridan Ampora, the beautiful fish magic bastard. Medicine Seller from Mononoke, a spirit whose sole existance is to hunt other spirits. 

my niche interests include:Villains or Dubiously Amoral (everyone except kaldur and ofelia tbh)Pure White (diamond, diamond, kuja, kanna, norn, johan in manga, death, morti, ruvik, kyuubei)Fucked Up Face (ashiok, hound, norn, stefano, ruvik, rorschach technically, morti)and Mysterious/Whimsical (kamski, kanna, kaldur, medicine, count, ofelia, lady, kuja, naraku, death, kyuubei, morti, johan)

#a lot of these are spoilers but theyre like #spoilers from old ass 90s/2000s stuff so #necrocallos

[asksansweredpdf]

These are actually solid questions

1. First thing you wash in the shower? my hair

2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? i can’t stand coffee. and alcohol might as well be my blood at this point

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? haha noooo. he was nice but i felt literally nothing. was like kissing a brick wall or something. tbh i never feel much when i kiss boys

4. Do you plan outfits? YES. i’m a drama queen and a diva and flamboyant and i need to look good always. i have my graduation in 2 days and i still haven’t planned what to wear and it’s bothering me

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? tbh pretty numb. like not happy and not sad. just. .... chillin

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? my track pants

7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body? well with the mood im in now, i probably wouldn’t react. but the logical side of my brain would kick in and i’d phone it in to the police. 

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? it’s still that one about the creepy old dude touching me in the car. 

9. Three of your current feelings? -introspective -apathetic

-wistful

10. What are you craving right now? tbh i would very much love to hug my stuffed pink harold. but he’s downstairs and i just don’t have the energy to walk haha

11. Turn ons? not rly in the mood to answer these

12. Turn offs?

13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? this vine

14. When was the last time you cried? Why? idk like over a month ago. i had to work a thursday night shift which is always super stressful. and that day my sister just started beating the shit out of me so the anxiety was like double

15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be? ironman. any day. or spiderman because it’d be fun to just swing around the city listening to music peacefully

16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? nope. she doesn’t even know that i know about half the shit she did. never ever apologised about the stuff she knows i know about. no acknowledgement. no apology. just pretends it never happened

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick it 

18. Favorite movie ever? idk i like frozen and pride and prejudice and the hunger games

19. Do you like yourself? i like myself, but i can’t seem to justify why. i don’t really have an identity. i don’t know what i’m like. and so it’s hard to like myself when i don’t know what i like about my self, or why i do. but i enjoy being myself.

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? i met stan walker once? he’s a minor celebrity in australlia

21. Could you handle being in the military? part of me would thrive in the structure and forced exercise and socialisation. another part of me would completely crumble because like i have anxiety

22. What are you listening to right now? i don’t give a ... - missio

23. How many countries have you visited? india, america, canada, australia. so 4 i guess

24. Are your parents strict? you betcha

25. Would you go sky diving? sure yeah. i’m afraid of heights so the adrenaline would be wild

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? nah. i dont give a shit about him. maybe i’d go if he paid for the food.

27. Whats on your mind right now? literally nothing. mostly thinking about endgame. i’m also thinking about taking my mum’s anti anxiety meds since she doesn’t use them and i have anxiety. but i don’t want to take them without professional advice. but also, i am a professional advice. and like what could happen? i’d get mentally ill?

28. Is there anything you want to say to someone? nah i dont really feel like talking atm. i guess i’d ask if they wanted to go for a smoke. i would love a cig rn

29. Have you ever been in a castle? no but i would love to!!

30. Do you rent movies often? not really, i just watch stan/netflix

31. Whats your zodiac sign? cancer sun, leo moon, libra rising

32. When was the last time you had sex? i haven’t had sex

33. Name five facts about yourself. i honestly don’t think i know enough about myself to do this but let’s give it a go -i have short hair -i love music more than literally anything -i turn 21 this year and i have no idea what to do for it -i’m thinking of getting a motorbike soon -i’ve never broken a bone

34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened? nope

35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny? i used to. and i absolutely would love to believe in all that stuff. but not to sound angsty or whatever, i’ve had so many shitty things happen to me that it’s hard for me to believe that it’s all part of some big plan or that there is any justice in the world. i think people just do shit and that’s it

36. Brown or white eggs? ive never had white eggs so..... brown?

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? nah we dont have it in australia

38. Ever been on a train? yeah man i love trains

39. Ever been in love? not mutually, no

40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it? it’s a million bucks. absolutely. one night of terror to never have to worry about anything ever again. i’m a witch too so as much as i’d be scared, it’d be fine.

41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with? someone rich and famous. maybe harry styles or freddie mercury. i’m sure they didn’t have it easy, but it’s certainly easier than things have/ever will be for me you know?

42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to become more attractive, would you do it? absolutely

43. Whom do you admire and why? i tend not to admire irl people. but i do admire tony stark a lot (GOD this is so lame ksajrsjkfs). i admire his charisma, his confidence, his humour, his good looks, his intelligence, his eyes. he embodies everything i feel like i can never be. but everything i’ll always want to be.  i admire freddie mercury. for his work drive and ethic. for his confidence and stage presence, his ability and talent in singing, songwriting, musical instruments. his flamboyancy, his sense of humour. again, these are all qualities i would love to have.

44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child? oh i never really got read bedtime stories

45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do? internally, i’d be like “that sucks for you” and walk away. but i can’t be a dick, so i’d assess the extent of the fire and see if there was a way to save the baby. i’d try if so, if not idk what i’d do. panic and call 000?

46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you? nah man. gotta let kids live their lives 

47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: the night i just moved out of home 2 weeks ago. my roommate invited a friend over, and we all had fun and played never have i ever and i flirted with this really cute guy and had so much fun. i hadn’t really had any experiences like that before because i was - anyway. it was nice to feel like a normal 19 year old just for a second weed: either the time i was drunk and high at our housewarming party and went to the park and felt like i was on a fucking rollercoaster, or the time i got super cooked after work and had a shower which felt amazing and then went back to my room and listened to beautiful people beautiful problems. i didn’t hallucinate per se, but i closed my eyes and could like see the lyrics “blue is the colour of the planet from the view above”. it was like i was in outer space and could see the earth and i was so relaxed and it was so magical mdma: my halloween party! there were so many people and no one knew i was high and we had a mad dance party and i met some of our neighbours and i just had so much fun talking to everyone and Living. 

48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: being around boring people when drunk is boring. especially because when i’m drinking i really want to have a good and fun time.  weed: ahh i have anxiety so i used to get a few panic attacks when i was smoking mdma: eugh it was my friends 21st at the time and we took mdma and i thought it wasnt kicking in because all we did was sit in bed and talk. literally so boring. im so mad that i wasted my first time like that

50. As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it? nah, i’d probably hand it in to the police. actually, i dont trust the police so i’d probably google what to do with it. but probably police because i cant have stolen money or give it to someone else. 

51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them? not hanging out with someone because of that has literally never even crossed my mind

52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded. If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger? nah. i’m actually going places now days

53. How old were you when you lost your virginity? tba

54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires? nope

55. If you could live forever, would you want to? yeah probably. i’d like to give it a trial run though. i’m very anxious, so being lonely and immortal might make it worse. but at the same time, being immortal might make it easier to not give a shit and to be less anxious

56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are? honestly i feel like jane villanueva or peter parker

57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit? i would love to be a victorian bitch with a bomb ass dress and waist

58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? probably not. unless it was someone i really hated, i wouldnt give a shit

59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? i mean i wouldn’t be the best person for the job, but i also wouldn’t be the worst. if i could have time to properly study politics then yeah i’d consider. 

60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to? i’d probably want a girl but i dont really see any reason to not have a boy

61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy? be wealthyyyyyy

#mine

[bassclarinetprincess]

Hi!  Between being busy as heck and not being able to access the Internet on my computer for a while, it’s been a while since I’ve really had a presence on here.  But my computer is back, and therefore so am I!  (Hopefully.  Let’s be real, I’m still busy.)

Anyway, for my Grand Return to Tumblr, I want to do that one year-in-review ask meme that was really popular back in the day that I’ve done every year since 2014.  (Who doesn’t love consistency?)

So read on to hear more about my 2018!

First of all, apologies for how long these responses are going to get.  I do my best to be concise, but it was hard this year.  I won’t be mad if you skip to the tl;dr.

1. What did you do in 2018 that you had never done before? This has been yet another tumultuous year, so let’s see -- I started regularly watching Drag Race (I spent 2017 watching YouTube clips), won some prizes in college journalism contests for a podcast I did, visited my hometown Missouri gay bar for the first time, met/saw a bunch of Drag Race queens (Jujubee in February, Miz Cracker in June, Detox and Max in October, Bob the Drag Queen in November), cried in a therapist’s office, had one of my films screen at several film festivals (and got to attend two of them), attended an Ash Wednesday church service, got confirmed in the Lutheran church (no big deal), won several prizes for leadership at my college, GRADUATED COLLEGE *cue airhorns*, was featured on not one but two podcasts/radio shows talking about songs that mean a lot to me, visited Prince’s house, held an Emmy (while visiting a public television station), prepared a three-course meal for me and my family, moved to Minneapolis with five housemates, started a real Adult Person job, put up with a lot of harassment at said Adult Person Job, learned to cross stitch, learned to bake, discovered Ethiopian food, attended a podcast taping (for The Hilarious World of Depression), was diagnosed with autism (surprise! now’s as good a time as any to tell everyone I guess), was interviewed by a Relatively Major News Outlet (by Bob the Drag Queen!  I will never be over it!), and began preparing to change my name legally (!!!).  So it’s been a pretty huge year -- Aquifer Pod would probably collectively roll their eyes at how many of these milestones involve drag and drag queens but I’m not mad.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I looked it up, and my resolutions for 2018 were to “get through graduation, and to find something to do this summer that will enable me to eat/pay rent for an apartment and focus on my mental health.“  I definitely made it through graduation!  In fact, the period of March-May 2018 was one of the happiest, most mental-illness-free periods of my college career.  It was so weird to walk around campus and like, not be depressed.  As for the second part of that, I kinda failed -- I ended up moving in with my parents for the summer until my service year began and I moved to Minneapolis.  So that kind of crushed my previously-established good mood, but it’s fine. As for this year, I want to sleep on a more regular sleep schedule.  Also, now that I know I’m autistic I want to participate in therapies and such that actually help me more than previous interventions.  (Like I loved parts of DBT, but the assumption that I had borderline was just -- not helpful.)  Particularly, I want to get my executive functioning issues in check because I cannot continue to be the disorganized, messy, emotionally reactive fuck that I am.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? A lot of people got pregnant but nobody gave birth, so get ready for this to be a hopping question in 2019.

4. Did anyone close to you die? Nope!  It’s been another relatively death-free year.

5. What countries did you visit? Only the one.  (I don’t know if I mentioned this, but I almost studied abroad in Ghana in January, but my therapists ended up not clearing me to go, so...)

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018? Personal acceptance of my own neurodiversity, accepting family members, and as always less intrusive/depressive/suicidal thoughts.  

7. What dates from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Let’s start with the negative (self-harm CW -- skip to the next paragraph if you need to) -- on February 3, I had a self-harm incident that was so bad I had to go to an emergency room, and I had to be extremely persuasive in order to convince the doctor not to admit me.  A lot of this year has been trying to not replay That in my mind when I close my eyes, anxiety that I’ll do it again, and trying to convince my parents and myself that I’m OK now. Luckily, it gets better from there!  March 10-13 -- I traveled throughout the state of Minnesota with an improvised traveling Greek play!  It was great.  April 8 -- my confirmation date.  March 17 -- I got to attend a film festival in the Cities and see a documentary I made on the big screen.  April 11 -- I was surprised to win the Distinguished Senior Leader Award at my school, so surprised in fact that I did not wear formal clothes to the Very Formal event (I wore a shirt depicting the Babadook waving a rainbow flag and baggy Cabela’s jeans lmao).  April 27 -- my last Drag Ball, and my first time attending an event in full drag (an acquaintance who is now a professional queen did my makeup).  May 5 -- my third birthday, and the day Small Joseph and I hosted an elaborate gender reveal party for myself.  May 25 -- the day Athena asked me to be in her wedding!  May 28 -- the day I graduated.  June 17 -- my first ever Pride event, and the day I met Miz Cracker.  August 11 -- the first day of orientation to my service program.  August 15 -- the day I moved to Minneapolis.  September 21 -- the night my housemates and I hosted an over-the-top 70s-themed 21st Night of September party.  October 20 -- my birthday celebrations, which were full of a Rocky Horror Drag Ball (where I saw Detox and Max), a hike around a waterfall, a surprise apple pie from my housemates, and a Florence and the Machine concert.  November 3 -- the day I voted early, met Bob the Drag Queen, she interviewed me for like half an hour, and she told me I was amazing (I’m still not over it).  October 27 -- a really powerful trans visibility rally that I attended with my housemate.  November 8 -- Jake Shears concert.  November 9 -- the day of my autism diagnosis.   Honestly, this is just a sliver of the important dates in my life this year.  It’s been a wild time.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? So if you were able to read the blocks of text above, you probably saw that it’s been a HUGE year in terms of typical successes.  I graduated, for one, with my real name on my diploma.  There’s also Distinguished Senior Leader (which is kind of big, my name is on a plaque in the student commons now), getting confirmed, the film festival acceptances, moving to Minneapolis and diving into my service year, the Bob the Drag Queen thing, the journalism prizes, a Greek translation award, an award the Classics department gives one senior a year for being a good person.  Honestly?  I’ve done really well. But there are other things I don’t tell people that I’m proud of.  I’m surprised I was able to go back to school and complete my final semester, first of all -- I really thought I’d have to drop out after the self-harm incident in February.  But I’m also proud of all the times I’ve stood up for myself (or tried, anyway), all the relationships I’ve developed, and all the ways I’ve pushed myself spiritually, intellectually, et cetera.  I get down on myself for not being spiritual enough, friendly enough, smart enough, whatever.  But I’ve done my best, and I think it’s paying off. I also want to mention that the autism diagnosis was huge.  I’ve suspected I’ve had it since early in my college years, and I’m so relieved that I was able to get a fancy piece of paper telling me I was right -- and that now I can adapt my surroundings and myself accordingly.

9. What was your biggest failure? I’m really tempted to call the self-harm thing a failure, and all the subsequent times I relapsed after that. Same with my failed attempts at quitting drinking alcohol.  But I’m trying to give myself grace with these things.  It’s hard, and I’m improving.  #newmantra In the early part of the year, especially, I was a little emotionally volatile in terms of relationships and lashed out at several people, and I deeply regret that.  I have also done a shit job of maintaining therapy and psychiatry for myself post-graduation, which I have got to rectify in 2019.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? *refers you to the self-harm thing*  I also had a lot of sinus and ear infections for some reason, and I’ve gotten a lot more colds than usual this fall/winter.  (I choose to blame living with six new people.)  Plus my uterus has been out to murder me the last half of the year.  At one point I had cramps that hurt so bad that I went to the ER just in case it was my appendix bursting.  (Shout-out to Emma for taking me and staying with me the whole time!)

11. What was the best thing you bought? I’d mostly say tickets to things.  The Hilarious World of Depression screening, Jake Shears, the Rocky Horror drag ball, all the drag shows I saw in my home bar, the early voting drag brunch where I met Bob the Drag Queen, baseball game tickets with a housemate -- these were all fantastic experiences that I will cherish forever.  On the tangential objects side of things, though, probably the costume I wore to the 21st Night of September (a rainbow sparkly dress, round pink sunglasses, black fishnets) and a bunch of awesome Goodwill sweaters and dress shirts.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? (more self-harm CW)  In the aftermath of the self-harm incident, I had to seriously rely on my college friends -- like, I always do in dark times, but they were really there for me in the months following that.  Athena came with me when I had a follow-up doctor’s appointment, Carleigh helped me take care of the wound for a couple months, Kit put up with me constantly getting up in the night because I was stuck in a dark place and also informed the pod that I was coming back to school in a Not Great State, Small Joseph was there for me too -- I really am so lucky. In addition, Ella, Spencer, and everyone else who ever drove me to therapy a half-hour away in the first half of the year.  My housemates for welcoming a neurotic, autistic, anal-retentive fuck into their midst (with a special shout-out to Bex for not getting tired of me even though we work and live together, and for helping me process my autism diagnosis/work-related stuff/spirituality questions/et cetera).  My service year program manager for helping me out when things go wrong at work (usually related to gender, but it depends).  My coworker and friend Amy, for being willing to let me crash in her office and rant about whatever is going wrong with me.  And finally, Bob the Drag Queen for being the best interviewer, the most knowledgeable about trans issues (for a cis dude I mean), and for providing me a platform to talk about .

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled? I don’t even know which specific politician to name here.  So many times I open the news and just get SO mad at people.  Special shout-out to Doug Wardlow, Jeff Johnson, and other assholes who were running for office in Minnesota this year.  Everything surrounding the murder of Jamal Khashoggi truly sickened me, as well.

14. Where did most of your money go? After my Minneapolis move?  Definitely Lyft rides.  It’s kind of a problem, but if a bus ride is going to transfer at a certain point or will last over 45 minutes I’m really uneasy about riding.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? All of my birthday festivities were amazing (which goes without saying), but everything surrounding the day I met Bob the Drag Queen probably takes the cake.  When I purchased tickets to the early voting drag brunch, I didn’t know she would be there, but then they announced her and my joy skyrocketed.  Then it was like a line of dominoes falling -- I got to sit on her bus to the polls, I got picked to talk to her about voting early, I found out that a video of just the two of us was posted online, over 20,000 people saw it, and finally when I posted a picture of the two of us on Instagram with a caption about how great she is, she commented “You truly moved me.”  I don’t think I’ve ever been that excited about something -- I literally threw up. Oh, confirmation was also exciting!  It was so great to finally feel like I belonged in a congregation and feel comfortable with my spirituality again.

16. What song will always remind you of 2018? Literally all of Janelle Monae’s Dirty Computer “This is America” -- Childish Gambino “Milwaukee” -- The Both “I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)” -- The 1975 “Karaoke” ft. Lizzo -- Big Freedia (my Pride jam) “Creep City” -- Jake Shears “Hunger” -- Florence and the Machine “Nothing Compares 2 U” -- Prince

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? © richer or poorer? (a) Hard to tell.  It’s been an up-and-down year, with lots of complicated life events happening. (b) In 2018 I don’t want to give this question any more power.  Answering it used to make me upset, but this year I’m done with that shit. (c) Poorer, I’m guessing.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Exercise, lmao.  And cherished the moments when I was happy, gone to more therapy (in the last half of the year, I mean), kept up work-related connections so networking is easier.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Relying on the same two or three people for emotional support, worrying about things that don’t matter.

20. How did you spend Christmas? I came home on the 22nd, and immediately went to my grandma’s for the big extended family Christmas.  I didn’t have a great time, really, but a highlight was the gift card exchange that we did last year -- this year, we all handed our cards to my aunt who was diagnosed with breast cancer/has had really bad financial trouble this year.  It was a really touching moment.  On the 23rd, I went with Taryn and some family members to an amusement park that was all decked out for Christmas.  Christmas Eve and Day were actually super low-key this year.  I stayed with my parents, we opened presents and watched movies and TV specials.  I guess one change is that I decorated the tree on Christmas Eve because I was too tired to do it when I was home for Thanksgiving.

21. Did you fall in love in 2018? Definitely not.  Love is tired.

22. What was your favourite TV program? RuPaul’s Drag Race, Queer Eye, and Great British Bake-Off are the only real answers.  I also binged Dancing Queen, Grace and Frankie, A Series of Unfortunate Events, and The Good Place though.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I don’t think so?  

24. What was the best book you read? Right now I’m reading and loving Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking.  Honestly, I think the best book I’ve read though is Adulting by Kelly Williams Brown.  It breaks down all the parts of being a grown person that freak the fuck out of me into simple and hilarious bits, and makes me feel actually competent at being alive.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Kim Petras!  God, I’ve been sleeping so hard on her music.  I’ve also been listening to Trixie Mattel’s "One Stone” a lot, and getting even more into Prince’s music.

26. What did you want and get? Community and a feeling of belonging -- both in college and in my new environment in Minneapolis.  Self-knowledge with the autism diagnosis.  Also, a Trixie Mattel Funko Pop.

27. What did you want and not get? I really wanted this to be the year my parents accepted me, and I tried to make it happen.  Alas, though...  Also, I really wanted the placement I work at to be a good fit for me because I love the organization, and I’m not sure that it is.  (It’s not really a friendly place for a trans person with autism.)

28. What was your favourite film of this year? 2018 -- Black Panther, Love Simon, The Incredibles 2, Three Identical Strangers, Roma, Dumplin’, Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.  Of all these, I’d say Roma or Spider-Man. Films I loved that weren’t released in 2018 -- The Big Sick, I Tonya, Cache, Melancholia, Poetry, Ip Man, The Americanization of Emily, Sheikh Jackson.  Of all these, my favorites were Melancholia and I Tonya.  Plus, a special shout-out to Rocky Horror Picture Show for helping me and my housemates bond and inspiring the drag show I went to on my birthday. Finally, a special shout-out to Infinity War for being literally the worst movie I saw this year.

29. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Honestly?  The concept of Drag Race.  There have been days where I’ve been really sad, but knowing an episode of Drag Race is coming has gotten me through.  I say the concept of because oftentimes the actual episode has made me wince or just been blah... I’d also cross stitching, and my podmates/housemates.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018? “I’m a boy, please acknowledge me as a boy” mixed with slightly more knowledge about fashion/attempting to look good but also not caring as much about my appearance.

31. What kept you sane? My friends, therapists, the college pastors, a few stand-out coworkers, long hot showers while belting Spotify playlists.

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy most? It’s always Tegan and Sara, but I can feel my obsessive interest in them fading a bit as the Drag Race thing takes over.  I’d also say Tan France, Trixie Mattel (don’t judge me), Janelle Monae, Julie Andrews.

33. What political issue stirred you most? Voter turnout/suppression, trans issues (mostly related to the memo), family separation at the border, homelessness, prison abolition.

34. Who did you miss? College friends who graduated in 2017 (particularly Jacob and Tall Joseph), college friends after we graduated, really everyone I knew in college -- professors, pastors, faculty, staff.  I’ve really missed my home therapist this year -- I feel like nobody I’ve seen in 2018 has truly gotten me the way she does, and I miss that a lot.

35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018. This has been a huge year on this front, honestly. I’m surprised I didn’t say this in 2017, but I guess it didn’t sink in now -- several lessons from my time in the hospital last year have come floating back.  Namely, that I must say good-bye to manic episodes if I’m going to survive (it sounds ridiculous, but I really rely on hypomania to get things done/feel better about myself, and it’s a nice change in pace from depression).  I need to learn to be OK with just existing and not necessarily existing as a person who accomplishes things.  I need to stop looking at suicide as an option (this also sounds simple, but my jaw literally dropped when I heard this the first time).  I’ve also learned that there are ways I should adapt to the world, but there are also ways I don’t really need to adapt and should focus on self-care instead -- i.e., it’s not my fault that I get easily worn out at social stuff, have to put up with gross transphobic shit at work, deal with sensory issues.  There are things I don’t need to know about other people, things I don’t need to know, and things I don’t need to tell other people.  (In other words, don’t hurt people for the sake of spilling the tea or whatever, and don’t dig around to find information that will likely hurt me.)  Finally, being alone is great but I need to be careful not to let that become isolation.

36. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. “It was great when it all began / I was a regular Frankie fan / But it was over when he had the plan /To start working on a muscle man” -- “Rose Tint My World,” Rocky Horror Picture Show (simply because this is me and my housemates’ favorite thing to randomly burst into)

TL;DR:  It’s been a huge year.  Dare I say the biggest year I’ve had while I’ve written these things up?  There have been major life transitions, major accomplishments, major struggles -- luckily, I think the accomplishments outweigh all of the less-fun stuff.  I’m sincerely looking forward to 2019, but I’m definitely going to miss the friendships, fun, and more from 2018.

Here’s 2017′s, if anyone’s counting...

And 2016′s...

Same for 2015...

And finally, 2014!

#d rants #about me