#ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

so i've started working out with 2kg dumbbells (and sometimes my kettlebell) every night before bed to stretch my back out for a more comfortable sleep, and also to see if it'll lessen the size and eventually get rid of a lipoma lump that i've developed in my upper back (without pesky day surgery obvs).

but what i've noticed is that nearly EVERY women's dumbbell workout video (also a lot of kettlebell workouts) focuses on are SEXY, TONED muscles. or they're also always about "fat burning and booty busting" for lower body and core workouts.... not much about getting stronger or having better posture, or simply being healthier. i am NOT here to make myself look sexy. I'm NOT here to fat burn (mostly bc i don't have much fat to burn- since i'm already thin and weigh 48kg/105 lbs/7 and a half stone). i am NOT here to "booty bust" or whatever the fuck, or at least not quite yet.... since i don't have great core strength and good upper leg strength. plus I'm never going to have a full voluptuous toned and sexy natural bbl looking ass anyway, bc of my body type. unless i waste money on a BBL surgery or idek take some considerably heavy supplements or whatever to make me put on weight.

anyway. what i'm there for is to build a stronger back. again, to get better sleep. to improve my posture and also sure, up my arm strength a bit as well. I'm just sick and tired of anything to do with women's fitness having to do with being "SEXY AND TONED" and "BOOTY BUSTING AND FAT BURNING". I get that they're probs keywords that get the videos into searches and to be clickbait, thus allowing the fitness instructor to get views etc. but men's workout videos are all about getting stronger- and so are workout articles/columns to do with dumbbell/kettlebell workouts for men.

like ok. i guess part of me doing it is to look a bit toned on my arms. but again, i reiterate: i am doing weight training mostly to improve back strength and to reduce back stiffness when i sleep (and also sit around all day), for when i don't do much exercise at home. bc it opens my back out, in a sense, to be stretched and worked.

i'm just sick of everything being reduced to "sexy" and "toned" and "ooooh burn that fat, bitch" and "hella booty workout slaaaaaay" even in sport.... when (A.) i'm NEW to this health and workout stuff. i just want a no bullshit beginners/idiot's guide to dumbbell workouts, and (B.) i'm here for PRACTICAL and FUNCTIONAL reasons (better health, reducing a health concern, better posture/back and sleep) and NOT AESTHETIC reasons (looking sexy/toned etc). it's just. fucking frustrating. and i also found the same thing after hospital in 2021... even though yes, i did have practical workouts from the exercise physio i was seeing at the time. but i've obvs modified those exercises since then.

just whenever there's anything to do with women's fitness and health, it's automatically like demoted to "sexy"/"toned" and everything else. i obvs do acknowledge that some, if not most, women are going for toned muscles and to look or feel "sexier" or w/e. i'm not shaming them. i'm just here to say im pissed that women dont seem to get practical descriptive video titles like "follow this dumbbell workout video to get better posture and better general health" instead it's the "ultimate guide for women to losing cellulite fat on thighs and getting a juicy booty IN JUST 30 DAYS!!! start this intense kettebell workout today!!!" and also "hella sexy back workout to get the TONED shoulders and biceps of your dreams- GET RID OF THOSE STUBBORN CHICKEN ARMS TODAY WITH THESE 5 INTERMEDIATE DUMBBELL MOVES. TO. KILL. THAT. FAT!!!!"

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona actually shares her life with her followers for once lol #ilona's shares the most mundane shit she does with her followers lol #but seriously though #does this frustrate the fuck out of anyone else??? or is it just me????

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

so last night i was scrolling through my fb and scrolled past this post:

since one of my old acquaintances from early high school has recently become a real estate agent. this suburb is literally only 10 years old (it became a suburb when i was in year 10 in 2011, i know bc one of the girls in my group at catholic school moved there)…. and it’s basically almost the middle of nowhere???? and now a house in this suburb in the middle of nowhere (ok not really when there’s a new suburb just across from it and also bc we’re always slated as “the southern expansion of sydney”) can sell for over $1.2million what the fuck.

but like. this is why i keep going on about housing prices in australia. bc to thank that 10 years ago this house in a new suburb would’ve only been around $400,000 or whatever the fuck….. but now it’s $1.2million. it’s just. fucking heart shattering. because how the fuck is anyone in their mid-to-late 20s or their 30s meant to fucking buy a house when even in a seemingly cheaper suburb (which i’d be aiming at this would’ve been the sell at first when this suburb was started in 2011)??? when houses here now go for well over $1million???

how the fuck are we meant to have ANY FUCKING HOPE of attempting to afford a fucking house in what used to be considered the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere, so to speak, australia???? where years ago when i used to read cosmo they’d list the suburbs around me as “cheap rental” options for people considering investing in property or making a holiday house or whatever the fuck the articles were about.

and don’t get me wrong, there’s beach front properties all around my general area that are like $2million+ or whatever the fuck. but that’s a normal thing. but to have this house, that’s like 15mins inland and has more like escarpment (im assuming) views rather than sea views; im flabbergasted and sickened. bc if you can’t get house, regardless of its surrounding scenery, for under $1million, what the fuck are entire generations of people (obvs millennials, both elder and younger, and older gen z) meant to get a fucking house. like one of the houses across from me in my street in my shitty suburb went for $745,000 a few months back now. like i get that that’s under a million, but it’s still too motherfucking close to $1million.

just. i want to die lmao.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona tries to be political for once

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

ok i know that i keep going on and on and on about this….. but like…. where the FUCK are functional belts for smaller women even stocked now??? in this past week, i spent $25 on 3 belts from a womens clothes shop here in aus (Ally) that were all marked as “one size” which for idek what the fuck that means for womens clothing most of the time tbh. but like….. for the length along the belt that i need to wear my belts right now after losing so much weight after that big surgery i had in 2020….. one of the new “one size” belts that just came the other day literally wraps around my waist literally ALMOST TWICE FULLY. as if you’re not meant to wear is as an actual functional belt to hold up your pants, but instead you’re meant wear it solely as an accessory all loose and shit to look “laid back” or whatever.

like no. i want and NEED belts that ACTUALLY FIT my like 60cm-75cm waist thank you very much. not all this “one size fits all” bullshit or only stocking small/medium belts bullshit either. all as if the bs that womens fashion brands love touting that they’re “all inclusive” because they’re finally developing “curve”/“curvy” lines for bigger women (which don’t get me wrong, i love that!) or more “average sized” women- meaning size 10 and up or something…. but instead they’ve just totally dumped out the smaller women from sizes 6-8 as if all clothes fit them perfectly all the time.

like bro. i’m buying belts for my fucking work pants!!!!!! i can’t go to work with a belt that wraps around my fucking waist fucking twice at the tightness level that i need to wear it at to hitch my pants!!! what the fuck is this??? i can’t just walk into target or kmart or shops like ally and other womens fashion brands that are well known for catering to skinny women (since literally over the last two years Ally, for example, finally recognised that they needed a seperate shop and brand for plus size- which i’ll admit is pretty embarrassing but still) but now smaller women apparently aren’t supposed to want or need functional clothing accessories???? like why is womens clothes shopping just a fucking nightmare all the time???!!! bc there’s literally only a few shops (portmans, sportsgirl and very occasionally cotton on) that stock extra small (x-small)/small (s) belts. why the fuck do i have to go to 2 main select shops and then hope to god that the other place will have at least ONE functional belt in my size????

and what i mean by functional belt is that its one that’s easy to get through the belt loops on your pants- nothing that’s fucking stupidly oversized to be decorative (ie the classic mid2000s chunky oversized belts) or stupid fucking clasps or buckles that take like 5 minutes put through belt loops on pants just bc they’re a themed buckle like “biker” or “western” or “double O ring”. just something fucking simple and easy to put through my pants when i’m rushing to get ready for work in the morning please!!! something unassuming and small and practical!!!! but apparently thin women don’t want that. oh no. we apparently want the western style belts or the double o ring belts. well i don’t!!! i want something that’s practical and is less of an accessory but it has the form and function of a typical/normal belt for being able to just hitch my pants up and stop them falling down!!! not some stupid as fuck huge accessory talk piece or awkward fucking clasp, that i don’t have patience and time to deal with at 6:30am in the morning getting dressed for work or let alone at work in the bathroom or whatever.

just. let women of all sizes have belts that actually function PROPERLY and aren’t all about being a stupid talking piece for an outfit or some weird stupid thing of “always meant to be worn loose and that’s why it’s one size fits all!” or some dumb ass womens clothing bullshit. and also try and standardise womens clothing sizes!!! it’s so fucking confusing lmao.

and if you want to know how far down in length that i have to wear the “one size” or even just a small/medium belt down to make it tight enough for my waist…. it’s literally a whole 17 inches or about an entire 30cm+ ruler’s worth of belt length!!!! which is why they wrap roughly almost twice around my waist!!! fuck off and make belts that are made for small waists today!!!

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona whines aboht mundane shit

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

me when someone deletes me on fb:

me: oh no someone’s deleted me again! i’m a tiny bit sad but also i haven’t talked to anyone in literally years so at the same time, i don’t care

also me: oh no i do care i do care i must stalk through my friends list and other people’s friends lists or profiles to find out who it is lmao

me: *finally finds out who it is and realises/remembers that i never really liked the person in the first place anyway* y’know what??? i don’t care now lmao. i was just waiting for them to delete me/i’ve felt like i should delete them for years anyway bc they’ve never bothered to reach out to me lol. lol bye. also i wonder what was the last straw to delete me lmao

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona’s facebook reflections #one of the bitchy twins who i tried to sit with in years 7&8 at catholic school #deleted me the other day and when i finally found it out last night i was like #y’know what??? i’ve never liked her anyway so it’s all good lmao #she never updated very often either so it’s all good #meh

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

how come when a famous musician/band or director or actor releases a new album, directs a new film or acts in their first film/play or whatever else for the first time in years after a hiatus of some sort bc they were “burnt out” or “lacking a creative spark”..... they can just come back and be lauded as a visionary or “the best new thing” or a “wild success” or “a new academy favourite” etc etc. or some other bullshit.

but when uni students take a year break from their uni stuff they’re a “burden on the education system/social security system”, or called “lazy”, or they’re called idek a”good for nothing layabout dud” and are told that they “should’ve picked a better degree instead of your mickey mouse arts degree” and can be told that “please young millenials/gen z can never be burnt out! you’re too young to even know what that means, you child 🙄” even when there’s a pandemic and shortage of jobs???

like fuck the double standard towards arts grads and young people being lazy etc man. like yes i want a job. but y’all aren’t aware just how fucking tiring, tedious and fucking useless/pointless most employers hiring processes are and how just applying for a couple of jobs can be time consuming and tiring as fuck.... and in the end, it’s all to just find out you that you were never selected in the first place.... for some clothes retail job bc of some absolutely fucking arbitrary bullshit requirements that you didn’t meet after spending hours applying for it and waiting FOR MONTHS for an outcome.

constantly studying is tiring as fuck. it’s why i burnt out in 2019 and why i’m still struggling to get the courage up to admit to my uni that maybe i should drop out..... even though my library postgrad course is the only way i’ll have a solid job title with job prospects; bc no one wants to hire arts graduates anymore unless they were super organised and smart enough to do a double degree (which i wasn’t lmao).

my single arts degree isn’t useless, per se, it’s just been devalued over the years with the overproduction of other courses in arts departments like journalism/communications or ones that i’ve seen called “general studies” that an arts degree is lumped on its own and overlooked or in job applications for journalism/media/marketing etc fields an arts degree is placed under “or any other relevant field”. like it’s not even given the descriptor of “arts” anymore. just “relevant field”. also i guess i could shove in stuff about internships here but yeah. they had the same problem. nothing was just straight arts. so everyone just straight to “intern as a tutor” or “try to be a uni tutor” which i couldn’t do at uni bc my marks weren’t near the 75 for uni tutoring positions and i generally didn’t want to be a teacher or a tutor anyway.

but having the postgrad course in library makes me feel successful even if i did fail a few assignments and subjects. and this is what arts students are forced to do since no one wants to take the degree seriously. but also it makes me feel less successful bc i’m not like the rest of my friends who are in grad program employment bc they did double degrees or highly demanding degrees like engineering or law that demand constant high grades... where they graduated with an average 90% to be deans scholars or whatever.... i graduated with a baseline of 65% bc it was all that i could manage academically, emotionally and mentally in terms of organisation. bc doing a double degree meant 5 subjects, a full week of uni, possible summer terms to speed up degree progression and 4.5-5 years.... when i could barely fucking handle 3.5 years of undergrad for one degree at 3/4 the speed with 3 subjects a sem.... i could barely fucking handle that one sem in first year where i had to do 4 subjects in order to transfer degrees..... let alone a double with law or media studies (which were the only two i really considered bc i knew i wasn’t good enough for creative arts with tech theatre/stage management).

like being a younger millennial or early gen z person fucking sucks balls man. yay quarter life crisis, am i right? it’s tiring as fuck.

anyway. idek where this post is going. but here’s another rant for september.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #uni #uni life #yeah this was meant to be funny but it turned into an emo rant lmao

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

i read an article from the aussie abc today about how hard people are finding the job hunting/seeking etc process in the pandemic in australia. and like. i hella feel this particular story.

because how many times have i gone through absolutely bullshit “time-wasting icebreaker” activities like “film an icebreaker video to tell us about yourself! if we like you, we move you to the next stage 😊😊!” before i EVEN BEGIN the 4 step interview processes (online “video interview” where you prepare responses for your webcam but you don’t actually talk to a person, a phone screening interview where you get grilled by some HR department person, a group in office interview with anywhere between 5 to 25 other people in a room (an “assessment centre”)..... and then a final interview one on one.... for example, of which i fail at the phone screening). then all the bullshit criteria hoops and 10 billion and one (1) different ways of psychometric and personality testing.... for corporate graduate programs and even general shop clerk positions at fucking just jeans or woolies etc for casual jobs alike???? too many fucking times.

how many times have i been left in the lurch for literally like 4 to 6 fucking months after applying for jobs across the board, only to find out that i never got the job anyway???? and also where it was at the point where i’d forgotten that i’d even applied to those jobs in the first place???? again, too many times. as i’ve said before on here: no matter how many fucking applicants there are for a job, how fucking hard can it be to send out an automated mass email to all the failed applicants- within a reasonable window from their rejected applications or failed interviews- that says “oh sorry! you didn’t get the job! try again next year 😌!!!”????? like fucking honestly. all the emails of the unlucky applicants are in your fucking company databases anyway???? it literally shouldn’t be that hard to press a button on a mass email to all of them at once or large quantities of them in a few mass emails??? or maybe i just don’t know enough about HR departments and the way they work 🤷🏻‍♀️. idk.

obviously i can give a good reason as to why some companies took so long to reply in regards to my rejection. for example, i applied for a job on linkedin that was located in sydney in aus, but the company did their on-boarding training solely in san francisco, meaning that i had to have a visa and a passport for the US. neither of which i possess or could afford at the time. they took 6 months to get back to me, but i understood my rejection. and i felt that at point that it was goddamned obvious that i didn’t qualify 😂.

but 6 months for a clothes shop to tell me that i didn’t get a job??? by which point i’d literally forgotten that i’d actually applied to them the year before for a christmas position??? poor form. another company who took another 4-6 month gap to find my application in their spam folder??? inexcusably poor form. but at least they were genuinely sorry, because it was an actual person sending the apology email and not an automated message from HR. most grad programs have good response times to your failed interviews and tests, though. but the 4,000 different criteria hoops that you have to jump through like a fucking circus performer, make you feel worthless and shitty and especially when you’re finally told that you didn’t get it.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona’s job hunting thoughts and woes lmao

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

honestly i hate trying to buy foundation bc i barely ever use it and so have to throw out my old bottles. so, then when it comes to buying a new bottle, i’ve forgotten what the shade of the old foundation was, so i end up buying the wrong shade anyway 😂. then i either end up looking too pale (dead) or looking like donald trump (orange). like honestly i fucking hate makeup man. but it sucks that i have to buy it to look at least ~presentable~ for job interviews or whatever bc apparently showing up bare faced doesn’t look ~presentable~ and ~professional~.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona’s job hunting thoughts and woes lmao

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know i just remembered how in year 6/2007, some of the kids in my year started pushing that i had a crush on this dude called nate who was in my class.... because we both had problems with our handwriting (like i had a macbook by that time to help with mine, and he still had a sloped plastic thing to put his book on to write evenly or whatever)...... and it was all bc we sat next to each other (and im pretty sure that was done on purpose by my teacher tbh) and talked every day.... etc etc etc. just basically all the normal dumb stuff that happens when you’re stuck with the same kids in your classes everyday.

however, it started culminating at discos and stuff as well..... bc no one would dance with us because we were “weird” or whatever (but i defs was weird though lmao).... so that then when 11/12 year old me walked up to this guy at the disco we had at the year 6 camp we went to.... because he was sitting alone on the sideline of the dance floor for some reason and pre-teen me felt sorry for him..... so she asked him to dance because IT’S! THE! FUCKING! NICE! THING! TO! FUCKING! DO!.... basically everyone obvs went: “SEE OUR PREDICTIONS WERE RIGHT!!! YOU DO HAVE A CRUSH ON NATE!!! SEE???!!! STOP LYING!!!! ASK EACH OTHER OUT ALREADY!!!! AND FUCKING ADMIT IT/MAKE IT OFFICIAL!!!! AND BE BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND PLEASE 😊😊!!!!!’” as if it automatically proved the matter of me and this dude having crushes on each other.

but like..... we were bloody 11/12????? why the fuck do you expect 11/12 year olds to date/be a couple etc???? like what in the FUCK???? we were kids and i was just being fucking N I C E????!!! why the fuck can’t people leave C H I L D R E N (like other kids as well tbh) alone with this shit??? because we were in primary/grade/elementary or idefk middle school??? why on fucking earth would you pressure 12 year olds to be a couple anyway??? this came from teachers for a bit as well.... but more often than not, it was from the kids in our year. and that’s because this behaviour was probably learnt from their parents or the media that they watched or whatever. 

so, what im saying.... to this generation of new teachers and also parents, i guess is..... PLEASE for the love of fucking god, don’t do this to kids in bloody year 6!!!! okay yes, i know puberty and the “birds and the bees” and everything else is obvs beginning around those ages... and that’s probably why people were pushing this so hard (mostly the kids bc kids are dumb)..... but that is not an excuse for this behaviour from adults or kids.

parents: don’t encourage your kids to bully/harass other kids into relationships/dating or whatever the fuck you’d call it at FUCKING 11/12 Y E A R S  O L D.... bc this seriously fucked me up with the whole transition to high school thing.... because after this shit blew over a little bit (but not much), I ended up crushing on a dude at the competing catholic primary school that we went to for a high school introduction development day; or whatever the fuck they called it. this then gave me a weird obsessive crush on that dude (he was in my group that day) with the nate guy being in my group, as well some other kids from my school who were like: “how dare you crush on that boy from the other school when nate is right next to you???”; or whatever fucking dumb shit i got that day.

the dude from the other school that i crushed on that day, however..... ended up going to the same high school as me though (unlike nate who went to the competing catholic high school)...... and he was the boy that then followed me around for nearly the whole first term of year 7 asking me “IIIISSS IIIITTTT TRRUUUEEE???” super obnoxiously, to make fun of the fact that i had crush on him (which was partially my fault, bc 12/13yo me had a meltdown about having a class with him and he heard the whole thing 😂) lmao. like y’all this was the most mortifying time lmao. like y’all see how much this entire situation was fucked, yeah? like leave kids alone with this, no matter which way it is????

and now that i think about it... it’s probably something that my inner voice reminded 14/15yo me about when she had that godawful like 3 week or something “relationship” with clear braces boy in year 9/2010 that i felt i was harassed into by my entire year group, which made it similar to the nate sitch. like it did fuck me up, man.

STOP PRESSURING KIDS TO “DATE”/BE “BOYFRIEND & GIRLFRIEND” AT A YOUNG AGE 2020 AND FOREVER!!!! LEAVE KIDS BE FRICKIN KIDS 2020 AND FOREVER!!!!

i guess is what I’m trying to say here.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona’s catholic school memories #ilona’s catholic school rants #but seriously though #why cant kids just BE FUCKING NICE to each other???? #please reblog this version lmao #i just realised that i spelt bloody wrong lower down in this post lmao #but it’s fixed

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

this article accurately expresses why i have never bothered with dating apps or dating in general, considering that my all of experiences with men have always ended in harassment or complete lack of respect for my boundaries or acceptance of the words “no”, “stop” and “fuck off”.

the guy in this article reminds me so wholly of “mr let me give you sex lessons in the back of my car” guy who kept trying to convince me in 2014 to let him give me “sex lessons” in his car in exchange for teaching me to drive as well.... all because he couldn’t accept that (A.) i was a virgin at 18/19 (like who the actual fuck cares about that bullshit????) and also me not having my licence and (B.) bc apparently he knew everything about sex bc he was 25 and i was still a kid.... so he thought that it was a good idea and harassed me for a fortnight about it bc, to him, it was “such a good idea that you hurry up & get some sex lessons and experience!”. but on my side, i read it as “potential sexual assault waiting to happen in the back of this dude’s car.”

like i know so many people would call me paranoid, but let’s be real here, that’s what it really was.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona whines about her shitty luck with men to her followers lol

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know i went through most of high school (years 7-9) being one of those students who barely ever studied, but still got good marks, bc they had a good memory (or whatever); in subjects like english, history & science..... but as soon as years 10-12 came around, i had absolutely no idea how to fucking sit down and study properly (besides the point that I didn’t have a useable desk in my room till 2014- long story). so it made me super anxious and made me have two meltdowns bc my inner monologue was like “everyone knows im too stupid for uni (or tafe).” besides other factors.

these behaviours largely impacted my grades well into uni, as well.... bc i thought that I could pass my 50% graded philosophy papers by writing them at the last minute and then just never study for my english in class tests and exams properly; that were basically the same assessment weighting (45%).... and like I did most of the time- coming out of the philosophy papers with a mark of 65; or the english tests/exams occasionally with a mark of 62 or something. my english essays would be anywhere in between 70-82 done at the last minute at home; so that I felt like that I didn’t really have to try to get good marks in the tests really....bc my at home last minute essays would almost always pull me through those english subjects (bar one or two in second year/in third year/my final year bc the prof didn’t like me/fucked me around, or I just couldn’t work with the way the prof wanted the essays done).

so it’s why i came out of undergrad with what I hoped was a “credit average” degree bc that’s what it said on my uni’s online WAM (weighted average mark) calculator.... but it’s really a pass degree instead..... and then finally it’s what made me burn out so heavily doing my postgrad course.... bc all I know is last minute assignment preps/writing or never bothering to study fully to prepare a well thought-out and planned piece.

like how does one explain that this is the only way they know how to function???? that they literally have zilch idea how to correctly plan out tasks and how to manage time and their workloads with competing deadlines, bc they always ignored one assignment over another one???? like whoopsie 😂😅. like would this suffice as a good explanation at grad program interviews when they ask me about my grades lmao????

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #uni #uni life

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

another relationship PSA advice post:

okay so i know that i’ve already made a big post about this... but i just had a flashback to when that weird chick at public school was trying to set me up with men in their late 20s/early 30s back in 2012 when we were LITERALLY 16.

like one of the excuses i used back then to deflect this girl’s constant pressure of talking to those men was “uh, *zara*.... my drama teacher at catholic school literally turned fucking 30 last year (or back in 2010) and my whole drama class called him old as fuck! so these men are the same age as my drama teacher from catholic school!!!! how the FUCK is that okay and NOT creepy???? they’re LITERALLY OLD ENOUGH TO BE OUR BLOODY TEACHERS AND WOULD BE FUCKING ARRESTED FOR DOING ANYTHING TO US IF THEY WERE????!!!! PLEASE! GET! IT! THROUGH! YOUR! HEAD! THAT! THIS! ISN’T! FUCKING! NORMAL!!!!”

but she obvs deflected the above with: “but we’re old enough to and are legal to fuck, so just fuck them and it’ll be ok!!!! just suck it up and do it!!!” like i just wanna say to my younger followers that:

if anyone your age pulls you into this sort of totally fucked up situation, and just refers to sex by saying “just fuck them” or as just as “fucking” without realising that sex is actually FAR MORE than that... then they don’t care about your safety and boundaries AT ALL, and you should dump that friend, STAT.

after all, if they were really your friend, they would care about your safety and understand your refusals/rejections towards the men. they would also care about your bodily autonomy and boundaries and understand that you’re not comfortable with this situation.... and so, stop harassing you to flirt and sleep with these men.... which literally NO TEENAGER in their right fucking mind should be fucking comfortable with a man who is basically twice their fucking age (and old enough to be their goddamned teacher) flirting with them and wanting to sleep with them.

finally, NO NORMAL dude in their late 20s/early 30s should be finding a 16 YEAR OLD GIRL ATTRACTIVE. FUCKING PERIOD. after all, these men ARE FULLY AWARE that you are a kid. but they don’t actually care. and that’s because they’re looking for someone to manipulate and abuse/harass etc. because no woman their age will put up with their, more than likely, manchild bullshit behaviour. but a 16 year old girl, according to these men, will presumably put up with it, because teen girls don’t know anything about relationships and sex and life, but they (the men) obviously do. they’ll use that excuse so that then you’ll presumably follow EVERYTHING that they say and want you to do. and the friend that’s pulling you into this sitch is doing the same thing, by being complicit in the same grooming behaviours of those men.

JUST RUN FOR YOUR MOTHERFUCKING LIFE (if it’s safe to). report it if it’s safe to as well. please. because it’s not worth your safety and sanity dealing with either the fucked up friend who thinks men twice your age will apparently “keep you safe”/“look after you” (when they’re obviously fucking not!!!) if you “just fuck them”.... or dealing with the creepy adult men who SHOULDN’T BE FUCKING FLIRTING WITH A GODDAMNED CHILD IN THE FIRST MOTHERFUCKING PLACE ANYWAY.

in short, the real safety in this situation is caring enough about yourself to firmly set your boundaries and standards, which will allow you to block these people out of your life. listen to yourself. if it feels wrong (which for a good bulk of teenagers, it will feel really fucked up), let the friend know. call the friend out and these men out on their behaviour if you feel safe and confident enough in doing so.

if they actually take the time to listen and consider, the friend should realise that they’re wrong and stop.... and in general most decent & normal adult men should stop as soon as you say you’re a teenager and hopefully stop harassing you. if neither happens, just straight up block the men on social media like facebook or snapchat (which was where this girl was adding them for me) and just stand your ground with your friend if they don’t listen.... and report them if you feel like you can. then block them on social media too.

but if you get stuck in this situation and feel like you can’t get out of it, reach out for help to someone else that you can actually trust, like another friend that you’re actually closer with or something (like this girl I wasn’t actually close with at all) hopefully they’ll help you out and get you out of this fucked up sitch.

but don’t hate yourself if you’re stuck with the weird friend or unfortunately stuck in a relationship with one of those sickening men. because i easily could’ve been too, after all of their creepy “you’re so mature for your age 😊😊” etc comments. and it was all because i was young, insecure, naive and desperate for any kind of positive comments/feedback/attention because i’d never received any from any guys in my age group. you may feel the same. but DON’T FALL FOR IT. or don’t hate yourself if you do fall for those comments, because it is very, very easy to when you feel lonely and whatever in your teens. because, sadly, this is EXACTLY WHAT these men are latching onto. they are latching onto your low self image/esteem and giving you the attention that you want by giving you those seemingly nice compliments. they know that’s what you want: someone that’s ready to shower you in compliments. but once you get into a relationship with them, those “compliments” are probably likely to stop... as they’ll try to use the age gap against you, like i said earlier.

basically at this point, i’d come out of a year-long depressive episode/mental breakdown, so i was trying to build myself up again to be confident and everything.... and that’s why i became so suspicious of these men suddenly giving me those creepy comments/so-called “compliments” and my friend trying to set me up with them so forcefully. but yeah. again, DON’T HATE YOURSELF FOR FALLING INTO THIS IF ANYTHING HAPPENS, because it’s so, so easy, at that age, and in that state, to feel that you need love from anyone or anything. but please remember to set your boundaries and standards and stick to them before anything DOES happen. because you are WORTH your boundaries and standards and safety, despite what these people (as well as your depression or low self-esteem/image) tell you.

anyway, JUST BE SAFE OUT THERE Y’ALL.

———————————————————————

this also falls under the whole “hoe phase” body positivity thing. like if you’re 17-19 and some friend is like “be a hoe with that dude in his late 20s/early 30s that keeps hitting on you on *insert chosen dating app here*”..... i again suggest to run from or ignore that guy and to ignore/leave that friend. because if there’s a 10+ year age gap between you and the guy/other person, there could/can be a BIG disparity (well i think there will be idk) in how the guy/other person will treat you....

like obviously it’ll depend on how decent the other person is generally.... but again, if they can’t pull someone their own age, but pull an 17-19yo instead, when they’re like 26-33 or whatever, then you’ve got some serious questioning to do towards that person, to yourself. like my questioning of the men on this hellsite, in this age bracket, that i had hitting on me at 17/18 on me, was: “but they pay bills/rent/a mortgage and shit.... like I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT ANY OF THOSE ARE!!!??? why the FUCK are they even bothering with hitting on me when they’re adults that i’ve actually told that i’m still in high school????” and that was substantial enough to turn me off them tbh lmao. but yeah. just STAY SAFE in your hoe phases/sex discovery phases y’all.

*side note: again, yes. this post is primarily aimed at straight girls, but also applies to any sexuality/gender orientation. i want all my followers to be fucking safe y’all.*

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona tries to give advice #relationships i guess #ilona tries to give relationship advice although shes never had one

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

“you don’t talk passionately about your past job experiences. how do you expect people to hire you???”

y’all how the fuck am i meant to be passionate about a 2 week work placement that I did in 2013/the end of high school at 17/18???? like obviously I’m not passionate about theatre and the entertainment industry anymore bc im not a teenager anymore. how am I supposed to be passionate about the stuff I chose to do 7 years ago now??? like im a completely different person to what I was at 17/18. and also. it’s hard to be passionate about two jobs that didn’t pay me anyway lmao. but also, I shouldn’t have to talk about them passionately???? I should be allowed to be bluntly honest about them??? why is that bad??

“you don’t talk passionately about your uni courses. what’s wrong with you??? everyone in my course is passionate. how do you even expect anyone to hire you if you’re not passionate about your past studies??? also how didn’t you think of the consequences???”

it’s the education system thats wrung out all the passion from me, meg. that’s not my fault. it’s the fact that no one actually takes arts degrees or arts job titles seriously anymore.... so then you’re stuck going into a fucking postgrad degree anyway just so end up having a job title that people can easily define. plus passion shouldn’t be a fucking pre-requisite for a job anyway.... when that passion will be wrung out of you, again eventually, when you realise that you might’ve chosen the wrong thing bc of the hours you work or whatever. I’m being realistic here. bc that could easily happen eventually. like fuck off about passion when I’m just talking about trying to get any job here, even something in retail lmao.

as for the consequences part, im in my fucking 20s??? like you’re supposed to fuck up and not think of the consequences???? and plus I started uni as a teenager, of course I was gonna pick the wrong things!!! i know that you’re probably referring to the argument that i should’ve really “studied in a more in demand field like law or science or even commerce/business!” but my interests never lay in any of those fields (mostly) aside from general interest. just because you’re one of the lucky ones who has a stable middle management job in an architecture firm by 24, doesn’t mean everyone will, meg.

like yes. I did my marketing diploma but that course was so drastically different to uni that it stunned me and bored the fuck out of me. and also, besides the point, half the time the my uni’s careers department wasn’t very helpful.... especially when I was thinking about changing from comms & media (marketing comms and advertising) to arts bc my heart just wasn’t in marketing and advertising like I thought it was..... and that careers advisor told me to stick with marketing anyway if I wanted to go into it???? like they basically told me to stick with a course that I wasn’t passionate about bc it was more likely to get me a job???? what the fuck??? but yeah anyway.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona shares what she should really write in a fb argument lmao

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know the one thing I hated while I was doing my arts degree, and still hate after having graduated from it, is the condescending statement/belief from people that “oh why didn’t you just do a more useful degree like maths or science???? and not your useless bullshit mickey mouse arts degree, which was never intended to give anyone jobs outside of teaching, anyway!” or some other horrendous bullshit, such as: “why didn’t you just stay with communication & media studies and complete the marketing & PR major???? you would’ve had a job after all of the unpaid internships you do throughout the course!” or whatever. (media and communications is abbreviated to m&cs further down in this post, just an fyi).

but, meredith. do you know that even people with science & maths degrees struggle to find meaningful work that’s related to their degrees? do you know that some of those people will turn to teaching anyway just because they feel like there’s nothing else that they can do??? do you know that some people (mainly me and probably quite a few others) just can’t handle maths past like idk year 6 level??? I would’ve been completely and utterly fucked if I even tried to set foot in first year uni science or maths subjects. even though some of the content did interest me.... (also there’s the fact that my handwriting wasn’t good enough for diagrams etc etc in maths & science- but that’s a whole other topic not for this post).

like I had to totally skip out of psychology/sociology and even the PR major, bc they required you to do statistics subjects.... where no matter what level of study I would’ve/could’ve done for those subjects, i would’ve still failed them spectacularly because my mind really struggles with processing and working with numbers. but that’s besides the point.

hey earl, do you know some people simply do not suit particular fields of “real world” or “practical” study areas like business subjects? trust me. I tried that one sem of marketing 101 and intro to management/ business communications in first year. and you know what I found? that my mind just could not take the complete and utter dryness of the content of marketing theory and, again, numbers. and that’s despite the earnest encouragement of my tutor, who thought I had a knack for marketing. i literally almost fucking died in that business communications subject... even though the lecturer seemed to like me as well. but as i thought further ahead into my degree in comms & media, i dreaded it. I absolutely fucking dreaded it. the PR stuff sounded as equally dry & boring (besides the point that every project was group work lmao) and so did upper level marketing subs in advertising/marketing strategy/various fields of marketing etc etc. i couldn’t stomach that lmao. and besides the point, the analysing of media just bored the fuck out of me too, for some reason. I just didn’t like the subject. hell, even my advanced diploma in marketing from business college was a fucking hard slog for me.

but when i sat in my english, philosophy, (kind sorta) history and -further down the track- creative writing subjects.... I fucking loved them. I was writing like I’d always wanted to. okay yes I did get pretty dismal marks in most of my philosophy and english exams or assignments. but I don’t fucking care. I was there doing what my mind was built for. if id tried another business subject, like intro to economics or even gone back to redo that “intro to management”/“business communications” (or whatever it was called) as an elective/as electives, i probably would’ve dropped out of either of them in the first 2 weeks. whenever i read those subject descriptions, they literally put me to sleep.

also, for the media and comms point. do you know that there’s loads of media & comms students that don’t get jobs because there’s just such a HUGE intake of students in those courses??? do you know that that the most popualr field in that degree stream (at least when I started that degree at my local home uni in 2015) was journalism & professional writing??? where literally EVERYONE was aiming to be a journalist????

I was one of the very, very few people when I began in media and comms, to outwardly say that she was there to do marketing or maybe the marketing & PR double major.... and everyone looked at me as if I was insane. “why don’t you want to be a journalist? I think journalism is so cool and that I’m more likely to get a job in that than you are in marketing or PR. you actually engage with real people in journalism and do meaningful stuff with the community!” was one of the utterly dumb responses I sometimes got from people in that course, when I told them the above. but you know what kelsey, or, trent? neither one or any of us are “more likely” to get jobs in media & comms... when you’re both competing against people with “proper” straight journalism degrees who might have more media experience than you- if you didn’t do an internship or do some uni newsroom/magazine or whatever.... or maybe more streamlined (if that’s the right word) media &comms degrees.... as well as generally competing against each other, in the same field, for the fucking same exact jobs. while im competing against commerce students doing marketing and PR and people doing the PR & marketing major in m&cs.

also in relation to the above, doing multiple unpaid or even severely underpaid internships in journalism, or even marketing, probably won’t fucking secure your chance of getting a bloody job, adam. just shut the fuck up. those internships may have helped you. but they most likely won’t help most people, theresa. because there’s only a tiny freakin chance that the place that they worked for will actually give them a guranteed job at the end of their internship’s timeframe or at the end of their whole degree. it’s a fucking scam lmao.

and plus, (not to be as rude as you were to me).... but why the FUCK would you want to go into journalism.... when it’s been debased so fucking much by media outlets like buzzfeed; writing nothing but clickbait bullshit listicles.... and is polluted by internet virality.... so much so, that more than half of the people my course had the career goal of being a viral youtuber or an instagram influencer???? like i’m sorry. this is a dumb asf course, no matter the field you’ve chosen to study.... and there’s no way that a single one of you will be a successful viral youtuber or an instagram influencer???? what on fucking earth led you to believe that????

like no offence. but there’ll only be a lucky, lucky, lucky few who get to be the next jennamarbles, ray william johnson, pewdiepie, lily singh, tanya hennessy, jeffree star, james charles, etc etc.... or hell, even friendlyjordies (if you want some satire & politics). and for instagrammers.... idek know them. someone list some instagrammers lmao. but my point still stands.

being an influencer or youtuber- both with huge followings- is a fucking pipe dream- as much as me being a hugely successful author is. it only goes to the insanely lucky, lucky few who have the right connections and the right digital savviness/finesse to grow to be uber successful.... or who started super early, before it was even considered a job title (like jenna mourey/marbles and ray william johnson listed above, and several others not listed who have big fan followings on here) and eventually grew to be the first original titans of the youtuber job title.

or again, they already have some type of other successful media career (like tanya hennessy is an aussie radio announcer. jeffree star had a short lived myspace music career in the late 000s mostly, and made cameos in emo music videos and LA ink at the time also, for example) so that they can successfully fund their youtube channels and/or instagrams as side projects or whatever, as part of their media portfolio.... and they also know how to engage and grow follower bases etc. because they already have an existing one. so it’s twice as easy for them.

tbh i actually entered the m&cs course bc of my use of this hellsite and all the weird trends it had and stuff.... but I eventually got over that as I realised that I just did NOT fit into that field of study. I realised I was too shy... and I also just hated the fact that I had to learn how to use twitter and wordpress and probably eventually snapchat & instagram 😂

i had also gotten sick of follower counts and “growing a following”- considering that by 2015, I’d hit over 3,000 followers on here, I think.... and I realised just what energy and time it took to build this blog.... and my followers.... that I just didn’t have the energy to expend on other platforms for the same thing lmao. like it seemed like more wasted time. I was tired. in addition to that, i also realised that i didn’t want to waste my whole fucking career on the internet worrying over a business’s/company’s multiple corporate social media channel follower counts and image etc.... when i’d done enough of that for myself on this hellsite lmao. doing that stuff with other students in the m&cs course seemed fake asf, especially when it came to giving feedback comments etc lol.

but do you know that one place where you don’t have to give a flying fuck about followers, post views/comments, and blog views? philosophy and english. lmao 😅. no one gives a fuck what you say. unless, of course, you have the evidence and the force of argument to back your pov up. that’s what I was about and am still about. I loved reading and analysing the many books I had to read (contrary to the complaint posts that I made on here lmao)- whereas learning about media and who owned what and how media is manufactured- just made my brain freeze. and although I didn’t do my readings in philosophy (lmao)- i enjoyed a good bulk of the content I had and the issues it involved. doing media & journalism subjects in the m&cs degree, on the other hand, terrified me, bc it meant I had to get in front of a camera and speak- which also scared me bc i look & sound terrible on camera lmao 😂. but I didn’t have to do that almost throughout the entirety of my arts degree (im obvs not counting class presentations in this lol). but do you get my point???

and also the teaching comment. don’t get me wrong, i know a good bunch of people go into teaching after their arts degrees... including many of my friends; and a load of the people I was in my arts degree with. but that is mainly because with other degrees like journalism or media & comms or whatever other fields that they overload into uni arts departments- have taken our job titles away, in a sense....

so, then you’re practically forced to either go into teaching, or go into something outside of your expertise; like idek human resources management/a MBA via a masters.... or, again into something like librarianship via postgrad study- so, that for the love of fucking god- you have a job title to whack next to your name-!!!-instead of just “arts graduate” or “english major” or “philosopher” that all mean fuck all. and that’s because those labels sound vague, unhelpful, undefined and useless; as that’s opposed to something like “teacher” or “librarian” or even “information specialist”. all those titles/labels sound defined, and have actual useful concrete skills: like coding, database creation and maitenance & information retrieval (amongst other things), for a librarian/an information specialist, for example. these skills are then translated into something that you can physically demonstrate to people.... unlike with philosophy and english where people perceive that it’s just “all in your head” and “doesn’t produce anything worthwhile” bc of your very obvious skills that everyone has of communication and writing. like idk. anyway.

anyway here’s my rant for november.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #uni #uni life

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know i like to make out that im not affected by the whole instagram fitness influencer bullshit thing..... bc i don’t have an instagram account..... and that’s because then i can never see many of or compare my body to many of those unobtainable fitness/personal trainer influencer bodies, and/or uber fit celeb bodies; that every young person is supposed to long for and work for.

but in reality, fitness videos and ads from those said influencer fitness trainers like kayla itsines or whoever, appear in my facebook feed anyway... so that every fucking time i do a workout, i look down at my no-abs small stomach and go “hmm yeah. i do need to do more work on that! where did that fat come from?” all bc some fucking dumbass voice in the back of my goddamn mind somewhere is actually comparing herself to a personal trainer’s unobtainable body standard anyway.

and this really sucks bc it makes my depression/anxiety worse, which in turn makes me want not carry on with doing regular exercise other than walking. like ugh. i really hate the pervasiveness of fitness trends and body image lmao.

I also know that people get abs by doing rigid workout routines and dehydrating themselves (i know this bc one of my old uni friends just did a body-building comp with their partner last month.... and wrote a whole d&m fb lost about it lmao and also just generally through reading health advice).... but you still can’t help but compare yourself to those personal trainers and wish that you had the motivation and discipline to look like they do.

like ugh how do i uninstall this feeling and fitness culture altogether???? lmao. why does this happen when i workout??? i bloody hate it and it’s so fucking demotivating 😞.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #trigger warning: depression #trigger warning: anxiety

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know i didn’t mind maths as a subject until year 3, where the teacher we had for maths on like a wednesday or whatever decided to scream at me from my desk and be all like: “HOW DARE YOU NOT HAVE A NEAT MATHS BOOK??? YOU CALL THAT A TRACED SQUARE???? WHATS WRONG WITH YOU??? SEE CHILDREN!!! THIS IS THE TYPE OF WORK WE DONT WANT IN YOUR MATHS BOOKS!!!! *shows my maths book to the class and tears the page out* DRAW/TRACE THAT SQUARE AGAIN!!! AND DO IT PROPERLY AND NEATLY THIS TIME!!!!!”

when my condition literally made me (and still makes me kind of) unable to trace shapes or draw graphs precisely.... and gave me page space issues and stuff where I couldn’t write in straight lines for doing sums where I had to carry numbers over or just generally when you had to write the numbers one on top of the other.... or even write in graph paper squares properly. like it really fucking sucked and made me loathe and fear maths from then on in school. like so much so, that I gave up on it completely and failed it in year 10; and also ended up purposely doing an events management course to get out of maths classes in years 11 & 12 bc i knew I’d fail the exam for it due to my poor book and exam presentation in maths.

like y’all if I wasn’t treated like the above by that particular maths teacher in primary school, as well as others in high school; maybe i would’ve liked maths more and tried to continue with it past school. like yes I know most of maths is about being precise (as is science, which I soon didn’t enjoy bc of the ever present enemy of maths)..... but that doesn’t fucking mean you tear out the page of a bloody 8/9 year olds kid’s book in front of the entire class and fucking shame them by telling the class that this is how you don’t present your maths book.

bc the only place that the above never happened was special ed, which was great. and also kinda sucky. bc special ed gave me maths work that was way under me in year 5, when my year group had started to do algebra questions... that they called “working mathematically”.... where everyone else in the class would get the classic farm animal legs question, where a dog or whatever has only 3 legs and that’s the answer to the question.... and similar questions every week..... but instead i literally got 4+5= 9 and other super easy problems over and over and over again.... so when i got to basic introductory algebra in year 7, i literally had no fucking idea what to do with it, and couldn’t like translate the algebra question language to numbers or whatever.

the above literally fucked me up so much in maths that it blocked me out from doing any maths related subjects like statistics that was a core subject in sociology/criminology and psychology majors/degrees, as well as science subjects at uni..... and like I know that I have to learn maths for jobs and stuff.... but I’m so terrified of having a tutor that’s my age (24) do the same bullshit that the year 3 maths teacher and other maths teachers did to me in school.

like why the fuck can’t i just avoid maths for my whole entire fucking life???? and also I know I shouldn’t be afraid of this in my 20s and in adulthood at all.... but I am??? like it’s the failure side of things I suppose???? like idk y’all. I’m just so terrified of maths lmao. bc if I’d had one teacher who’d had the fucking patience and care to read my messy asf maths work properly, maybe I would’ve enjoyed maths more and not have failed it in year 10...... then purposely avoid it ever since then.

finally, don’t even get me started on the fucking ridiculous rant my year 6 teacher had at me once for ruling my margins in my other subject books with the inches side of my ruler instead of the cm side of my ruler... bc for some reason I ruled straighter margins with the inches side than the cm side 🙄🙄😅😅.

and one last thing: if you’re training to be a maths teacher, please DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS!!!! because if you alienate kids from maths like these teachers did to me, they’re going to be terrified of it and never go back to it for the rest of their lives lmao. let them have a fucking messy maths book for fucks sake. treat kids with learning disabilities with handwriting like mine with care and patience in maths, instead of focusing so entirely on neatness and preciseness, and maybe then they will actually fucking like maths.

anyway here’s a rant for november.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol #ilona’s catholic school rants #ilona yaps about her fear of maths

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

might fuck around and become a tumblr influencer and start to call myself an “indecisiveness and procrastination coach” bc i just feel so fucking burnt out and lost in purpose, so fuck it.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #ilona tries to be funny and relatable #ilona whines about her shitty life to her followers lol