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i had an epiphany about storytelling on my way home. The stories that stick with me, have one central theme:

Good things can be inevitable, too.

Not just death, not just suffering, and war and fashism, but love and hope and breathing room and freedom. Maybe you are not the fated warrior to fullfill the prophecy and defeat evil, but someone will come, so it might as well be you!

And now I know whay that ancient greek dude was like, nooo the good guys always need to win in the play! Because fuck yeah! Show me a good time, make me believe in fiction what I am not brave enough to believe in real life. He and I had the same epiphany, and that too is inevitable. Recurring discussions, and reinventing the wheel, and hope finding it’s way into our media philosophies.

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nothing better to start the day off than giving oneself a minor panic attack by opening the wrong e-mail with the long since invalid dead-line for my thesis… the correct and valid date is is still a couple months ahead, but damn with the scare I just gave myself I think I’ll skip my second cup of coffee all together

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Girls from my lecture group who have a class presentation today just started it by saying “we’re sorry for being separate and runny noses/sore throat , but we have covid” so that’s university student in 2020 gothic for ya

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Hi! A day without active acne cysts on my face has to be honored with a selfie (doesn’t happen that often, also #normalizeacne) ✨ aaaand how beautiful is this morning view from my boyfriend‘s appartement 😭

my third term is approaching! So you’re gonna get more study input in the future, don’t worry🥰 I’m kinda stoked and kinda sad about how everything turned out to be this year… sending a virtual hug to everyone out there! We’re all in this together (literally the whole world)❤️

day 10 - one thing I wished I could change about studyblr

I’d like to have more conversations, tbh. 😊and I‘d love to see more geography-blogs!! (If you know some, tag them!❤️😂)

hugs, Vera xx

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21.10. 2020 // doing some studying before tomorrow’s midterm. I also took up crocheting and I’m conquering the world one granny square at a time. I want to make a medium-sized blanket for my granny for christmas, we shall see if I’ll have enough time, persistence and yarn to finish it  :D

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First week of my final semester, here’s how it’s going:

- Taking handwritten notes in English while the professor speaks in hebrew is NOT easy guys. My brain is about to explode.

- i missed one assignment that i didn’t know about already.

- i have three assignments for next week.

It’s only the third day of the first week. Wtf.

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6:19 AM

Uni today.

Gonna go and take photos in the afternoon lessons. Morning is to just make more progress on the writing part.

Went and got some photos as examples for one question last night.

I would say I have more than 50% done. Maybe around 60-70%.

Gotta hand in 4 images for the final part and gonna take at least 2 of those today. Portrait and landscape.

I got an idea for the last 2 but gotta figure out how I want to get the shot.

Watching a programing vid rn but idk most of the things in it.

Besides I don’t know WHAT I can program.

I once said I’d like to have my own operating system. Design and build it etc.

Feel like that would be something cool.

Also I want to have like a smart home system in my mansion one day. Like have touchscreens on the wall and you can control everything or at least a big part of the house. Check the security camera or see if there are people in a room upstairs.

If I do that I want the touchscreens to be as thin as possible, to look awesome and to be fast af. I don’t want to stand their and wait to check the security cameras etc. It has to work fast.

Looked at some security cameras a while ago. I think the setup I put together cost like 500 pounds? Idk

But that’s something for down the line.

Building a giant mansion is one of the end goals.

Yk it’s kind of cliche but still. I really want to do that. I want to have a basement that covers the entire estate like build everything on top of the basement. Gonna have an underground parking spot. A pool. A garden with a giant tree. If you have a garden and grow your own stuff you don’t have to go buy it! Never gave a single fuck about gardening but if it means I can be more independent then fuck yeah.

It’s gonna have a gym so I can workout whenever I want without ANYONE bothering me.

A giant bedroom with a giant bed facing the windows. So that when the sun rises it’s directly in the center of the window and shining through. Maybe even a balcony with a cool coming directly from the bed.

I want secret doors and pathways just because they’re awesome.

Also thought about only having sliding doors. Idk if automatic or manual but feel like they’d be a lot cooler.

Oh and don’t forget the giant fence. I don’t want to be bothered by anyone so have to choose a place that’s far away. Although it would be problematic if I have children one day because someone has to drive them to school.

Nonetheless I have big plans. The entire thing is probably going to cost millions. But hey, why get a loan or mortgage or something for a house someone else built, if you can just use the money wisely and build your own mansion.

I don’t want to take money from anywhere. Have to find a way to earn the money. I just don’t like owing money. Student loan isn’t much but let’s say 500k or more.

Maybe get as much as I can and then get a loan for the rest. Heard with a mortgage the bank owns the house till you pay everything. I don’t want that. So if I already have a majority of the money saved up and only use a little bit of money from the bank they won’t have control over the house.

If I thought that through correctly. Idk this money and financial stuff is confusing af. But i gotta understand it because the more I know the better off I am. Guess i can learn about financials. Well let’s see that we do something regarding the hobbies as well.

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gonna delete this, but i feel very wrecked sitting here trying to not annoy my lab group by once again not doing my part because i was ill with sinus infection for a week, then spent a week in what i saw at the time (as i hid from the world) as somewhat of a depressive episode where i just wasn’t able to do the bare minimum of taking care of myself, let alone schoolwork, and then this week my body said ‘ah, i’m actually fucked’ and all the autoimmune symptoms started flaring up one after the other with no obvious reason. i just can’t admit defeat again, they’ve been so patient with me, we’re all under a lot of pressure. 

yet i do have a gastroscopy tomorrow, well today in five hours, which is my sworn enemy of semi-invasive procedures bc they never give me enough sedatives and i always panic from pain and the one thing i truly am anxious about is hospitals bc i’ve been there too often. and my bf was going to pick me up after, so i can make sure i actually get home as i hope & expect to be drugged up, but his close friend hasn’t got his corona test back so that’s likely not an option anymore, which i got to know only a couple hours ago. 

i’m always so weirded out by why i’m stressed, but then i write it down like now and objectively i would understand another person being anxious after this rant. anyway, i’m going to do half the work i’m supposed to have already finished, then cross my fingers that i will be able to do something tomorrow after the procedure or if not… just cry from stress i guess? it’s funny because i was supposed to just go take a coffee and power through this without sleep, but then i remembered i’m fasting and not allowed even water and that was the thing that broke me, somehow??

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20. 10. 2020 // 12/100 Days of Productivity

I got most of my to do list done for today and that is definitely something to celebrate. I was meant to have a five page paper due for my Romantic Age class on Monday, but it was a paper whose due date was based entirely on what poem/work of writing we chose to write about so I picked a different work (Vindication of the Rights of Women if you’re curious). I did that because I really wasn’t feeling writing another paper on the Grassmere Journals and because I wanted the weekend off again. Like I’ve said, it’s about balance and if you can avoid working (too much, I still do readings) on the weekends, then do it. I’m just going to say this now, I really hate my 18th Century Drama course but it’s too late to drop it and it isn’t all that difficult, there’s just a lot of (boring) readings. A play a week on top of reading a Shakespeare play a week for my other course and the 18th Century Drama plays seem to be way more difficult to get into and actually understand. I haven’t read one yet that I’ve been remotely interested in and I can say that I’ve been interested in most of my Shakespeare material so I don’t know what the problem is. Anyway, I’m off to listen to the A Very Potter Sequel soundtrack and work on my personal writing (finally, I haven’t had time for that in so long).

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