#im . im genuinely feeling so hopeless. i should eat more food maybe to get the stuff inside moving or get an energy drink but then i | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

constellaj · 3 years

Note

I do adore your gay Lucky in Love rewrite. But I do wonder how you do a rewrite within the actual episode. Such as Dash's POV of the water park shenanigans (I'm convinced that that the water guns are filled with soda, to get the sprayie sticky) and Dash's POV of the "We're dating now!" hallway moment (maybe Kawn can ask Dash if he's okay) and begrudgingly acknowledging that "Paulina" likes Danny (the look on Dash's face and the "jerk, I mean pal")

I would say that the thing that ought to be redone in Lucky in Love is the characters motivations, for nearly all of them at points in the episode.

I do not buy that Johnny would have wondering eyes when he so devoted to Kitty, and the whole "to make the ex jealous" is a lame trope and Kitty was way to affectionate to Danny for that. I would buy that moving from the ghost zone to the real world is stressful adjustment (hiding from the Fenton ghost hunters and such) could inspire fights and they break-up. And Kitty tries to be on her own for awhile but doesn't know how to handle that, and gets re-bound feelings for the only other eligible ghost-boy around (which Shadow catches wind of which makes him furious and he tries to kill Danny before Kitty make "horrible mistake"). Kitty should have purposefully picked Paulina to possess because she's a high-profile girl who Danny is already crushing on and mean enough to "not deserve" to be in control. And when Danny finds out the truth, I think Kitty could have added the threat of physically hurting if he didn't comply (such as I like Kitty, she has zero qualms about completely taking over others girls lives and expending them, which is scary).

The A-list being a literal exclusive club with limited members is too dumb to be silly. But friend groups splintering and shifting due to one or more friends changing, or when newly-dating teens unintentionally neglect their friendships, is something I do buy. Dash could be so livid about his best-female-friend suddenly and inexplicably dating his crush that he becomes unbearable to be around even for Kwan, who might want to try to make new friends, and give Sam and Tucker a try.

As for Danny, when he found out that Paulina was being possessed by a girl ghost the whole time, it seemed that his initial concern was getting Paulina back in control of her own body, which is the correct response. But then it shifted to him feeling "suffocated" by Kitty. His discomfort should have stayed on the fact that Paulina was being dated against her will, which should make Danny feel sick with guilt.

This turned out longer than expected. You can pick and choose what to respond to if at all.

----

(tl;dr for anyone who doesn’t know my lucky-in-love-but-gay rewrite:

Johnny and Kitty are taking a couples’ break, and Shadow, who feeds on romance, is whining like a spoiled dog about it. Shadow goes to find another hopeless romantic to possess to eat up love, and encounters Dash watching the romance channel. Dash gets more and more flirtatious, ghostly, and adopts a biker aesthetic as Shadow pulls at his emotions; not fully possessing him, but amplifying his feelings. Shenanigans ensue when Dash can’t decide if he has a bigger crush on Phantom or Fenton. Danny has to find a way to get Shadow out of Dash before Dash becomes reliant on him. Kitty needs to get Shadow back because, if Johnny doesn’t have Shadow, he becomes much more vulnerable.

biker dash art / full ep post)

this is all super fucking inch resting and im publishing this so the rest of the world can see but like generally speaking i think lucky in love is a shit fucking episode all around and it really can’t be saved. johnny and kittys dynamic is so petty and so inherently “Haha i hate my wife right boomers” that I cannot accept it as a way anyone would actually act and for that I don’t think the episode could ever really be “good.” I like to think of johnny and kitty as hapless mushy lovebirds. their only ‘couple fights’ are saying things like

{ID: a discord script I had with @crystalfloe. it reads: Johnny: Well what do you want me to DO? You know you’re at fault too here- what about all those road trips huh, constant road trips with you snuggling me from behind?

Kitty, scowling: You gave me a BLACK ROSE on my birthday, you KNOW that’s my favorite color!

Johnny: Yeah, you got me the EXACT part I was wanting for my bike even though I only said the name once! You just REMEMBERED!

Danny: Woah hey let’s not fight here.... does this count as fighting?

Kitty: YOU spent the entire day I was sick making me food even though you had a BOYS NIGHT planned!

Johnny: YOU’RE just a BEAUTIFUL LOVING PERFECT PERSON! And now Shadow’s a glutton for ROMANCE!

Kitty: Well maybe if YOU weren’t so SELF SACRIFICIAL and full of UNBRIDLED CARE AND INTIMACY he WOULDN’T BE!

Johnny: How DARE you say I’m the more loving one and therefore the PROBLEM-

Kitty: I’m really starting to hate you and your CUTE FACE, Johnny!

Johnny: Yeah- well, I’m starting to get real sick of your adorable EYES, Kitty!

End ID.}

If you want to rewrite Lucky in Love, to me, you have two options: absolutely decimate canon, or work within it. Decimating canon (ie, making Dash gay) comes with also deconstructing Johnny and Kitty’s toxic relationship into something actually worth rooting for, which in turn unravels the entire episode because the premise is... it’s a bad relationship. If you want to work within canon, the episode as is is pretty much the best you can get, because no way in hell would they let Dash be gay in canon.

While your takes are interesting, it’s not the kind of media I personally would like; the whole “Kitty could have added the threat of physically hurting if he didn't comply“ doesn’t sit well with me at all, so I can’t say it’s something I would ever engage with, personally.

Also, I don’t need canon to be 100% serious all the time, personally I love the bit about the A-Listers having a formal club with like, paperwork and stuff, it’s genuinely funny and also provides a nice clean-cut metaphor for how Danny as an “unpopular” kid might view the way the popular kids work. I don’t think the writers thought that was actually how popular kids work, I think they were playing with it and expanding on how a kid might see it.

You’re right that the focus of the episode should have been on Paulina’s bodily autonomy, which I think the OG was lacking in even as is because we didn’t get anything from Paulina’s POV; she’s treated more as a prop than a person, which, yikes.

But in summary, while this is interesting, none of it is how I would rewrite lucky in love if given the chance; if canon-divergent, I’d probably tweak the biker dash concept; if canon-compliant, I’d try to make it more of a jokey episode, maybe making the conflict between Kitty and Johnny a “I have to get him a secret birthday present without him knowing” instead of a “I am going to make him jealous by cheating on him.”

#danny phantom #ask #unsure-sincerity #adpRewrite

38 notes · View notes

bi-mirandalawson · 6 years

Text

one (1) person expressed interest in my writing so @vamppeach here u go

if u romance alistair as a city elf, when u get to the alienage and ur cousin mentions ur wedding, alistair is like ‘UR MARRIED?????’ and i laughed but then i got sad and i had to write about them actually talking about it

if ur on mobile and this readmore doesnt work im sincerely sorry

"you're married ?!"

"i was betrothed. i never actually got married." laurel looks at him out of the corner of her eye but does not turn to face him. her voice is flat and firm. she wants very badly for him to drop it.

"what happened?"

"imagine a storybook wedding - this was the exact opposite of that." she asks shianni another question, cutting off any more prodding from alistair.

after they've dealt with the slavers and returned everyone there to their homes, she goes to have dinner with her family. she promised to catch up with shianni, and of course her father. and honestly, she's looking forward to being able to put the grey warden stuff aside for a few hours. she thinks about taking along some of her friends. not too many, because she knows her father won't be able to feed too many extras.

wynne is sure to be a good house guest. shale doesnt eat, so she wouldnt be an extra burden on her father. leliana has such delightful stories, and zevran is certainly charming. but really, she knows she wouldnt bring anyone but alistair. as nice as it would be to introduce her family to her new friends and comrades, she really doesn't want to involve them in her personal affairs. and she really just wants to focus on her family for a night. but alistair is different. he's practically her family already. and she thinks this might be the only chance she gets to introduce him to her family, to her father.

she invites him, as everyone else is preparing to head back to camp. wynne raises her eyebrows and a small smile tugs at her lips but she says nothing. alistair agrees, of course, and there is a look on his face that says that he is taking it very seriously.

"don't make a big deal out of it," she says. "I didn't want to take everyone, thats all."

"alright. i can pretend its not a big deal for me to meet your dad, if you want me to."

they walk in near silence back to her house (her father's house now ? she supposes she doesn't live there anymore). she knocks on the door and shianni opens it a second later, a glass of wine in hand. she kisses both of them on the cheek and ushers them inside. dinner is on the table, and extra chairs have been crammed around. shianni sits between soris and valora. her father is in the kitchen.

"who did you bring with you, cousin?" shianni asks. laurel introduces alistair to her family as a fellow grey warden and friend. they start in with questions about the grey wardens, and what happened, and how they survived. alistair makes her sound much more heroic than she thinks she really was. she and alistair do most of the talking - their adventures are much nicer to talk about than life in the alienage after she left.

the food is good, and the wine flows, and laurel feels truly at peace for the first time since before her wedding. there isnt anything outside this room, outside of the jokes shared between kin, outside of the flickering warmth of the fire.

valora decides to turn in, and soris leaves with her. laurel hangs out the doorway for a moment, watching them walk down the street hand in hand. when she comes back in, her father is draping a blanket over shianni, asleep on the couch.

"alistair, will you give me a moment with my daughter please ?" alistair nods and awkwardly stands up, almost knocking the chair over. he steps outside and laurel takes her seat at the table. her father sits beside her and takes her hand in his.

"is that ring .. ?" the question hangs in the air.

"It fell out of nelaros' pocket. i've worn it as sort of.. remembrance." she examines the small ring. it is a simple band, with delicate vines carved around it, and it glows in the fire light. it doesnt hurt to look at anymore. "i mostly just didn't know what to do with it. it felt too.. important to sell, or give away. he worked so hard on it."

"let me have it, laurel. i will keep it safe. you do not need to carry that burden any more." his voice is gentle, as is his thumb rubbing her knuckles.

"it is not a burden, father." she is almost defensive. "it's a part of my past, and i will carry it with me whether or not i have this ring."

cyrion sighs quietly. she is so stubborn, so strong. but she has to let herself bend or she will break. she doesn't need to carry all her suffering with her for it to have meant something.

"this boy, alistair," he says, "he is special to you?"

"more than anyone else." he squeezes her hand and she squeezes back.

"you do not need to bring these ghosts, these what-ifs in to that. you deserve a fresh start, my child." laurel can feel herself start to cry and she wipes her tears away with her free hand. he pulls her in close and she lets a few more tears fall on to his shoulder.

she presses the ring in to his palm, and he slips it in to his breast pocket. he says he will put it on the family shrine next to her mother's ashes. she says she would like that, and she thinks her mother would too. he presents her with her mother's dagger, and she slides it in to her belt, like it was always meant to be there. she almost starts crying again. she calls alistair back inside, and cyrion says that the night air has surely cleared the wine from his head, so he should be able to walk laurel home. alistair says yes of course he will make sure she is safe, and the way he looks at her makes cyrion believe him. he gives them both a hug, a surprise to alistair, and tells them not to be strangers, to come by whenever they want.

the night air is cool against laurel's warm cheeks, and she is still smiling. she looks up, and tries to remember the constellations her father taught her as a child. she points a couple out to alistair, making up whatever she can't remember of the stories that go with them. he calls her out on her bullshit and they go back and forth until they're both laughing. they fall in to pleasant silence, and he loosely laces his fingers through hers. she sighs.

"I should tell you about my almost-wedding."

"you don't have to. i know you don't want to," he says quietly, ever the gentleman.

"but you're curious, and you'll never stop wondering until i tell you about it, so i might as well get it over with."

she tells him, and he listens. he doesn't make one sideways quip or witty remark. he doesn't say anything at all, actually. she tells the story at her own pace, with his only contribution being his thumb rubbing on her hand. she tells him everything. her own feelings of fear and inadequacy. the ring she found on nelaros. how good it felt to end vaughan's life, to see him bleeding out at her feet and to know that she had done it. the hopelessness as she realized that if it wasnt vaughan, it would be someone else, and next time she wouldn't be there to protect anyone.

"do you think about what your life would be like if it hadn't happened like that?" he is genuinely curious, and she doesnt get mad because they have talked about alistair's what-if lives.

"not anymore. i did a lot at first. at ostagar, it was practically all i thought about, in between trying to stay alive. 'i shouldn't be here,' i thought, 'i should be in the alienage, getting to know my husband.' by the time we got to lothering though, i didn't do it as much. i had other things to worry about."

there is a moment of quiet, and then he asks if she was alright.

"no. i don't think anyone can go through that and be alright." she is blunt, and she hopes she doesnt make him feel stupid for asking. she knows he was just being kind. "but i survived, so i will be. some day."

"thank you for trusting me with that," he says, and squeezes her hand.

"you can't. start treating me like i need to be protected. or like im soft. because of what happened to me. i know how it goes, especially with women. if there's a tragedy in your past, you're fragile. please dont.. think of me any differently." alistair stops walking and turns to face her.

"i would never." he takes her other hand. "you're so strong, and have been since i met you. even before that, obviously." she gives him a small smile and he takes her face gently and kisses her.

"was it really no big deal that i met your father ? since we're..."

"maybe. i think it might have been to him." she looks at him out of the corner of her eyes and he's watching her. "i didn't want to be like 'dad this is alistair, my human lover' but i think he knew that we're not just friends. i just didn't want you to make a big deal out of it, or think you had to impress him or something."

"what, you think i wouldn't impress him? i impressed you, didn't i ?" he nudges her with his elbow.

"hardly. we both know i was the one making you swoon." she laughs, and she is glad that he is so good at making her feel light. even though they had such heavy conversation earlier, his smile and his jokes and his hand laced with hers makes her feel like she is standing in the sun on the first warm day of the year.

#writing tag #(i cant remember what my fic tag is thats how long its been since ive posted any)#oc: laurel #tabris #my wardens

5 notes · View notes

somedaypast-thesunset · 7 years

Text

this morning i watched him simply turn to his mother, "oh yeah did i tell you about the bin" - a source of financial frustrations for him. and that brief moment, that opportunity and ability to turn to someone and say hey, heres this thing at a drop of a hat. i really yearn for that. most if not all of my current connecrions eith people are totally false. theres no substance or genuine care. theres just this surface level like you dont want to see a dog withiut water but youre not going to adopt the dog. lately ive felt extremely isolated - i dont know if its even worth talking about. i dot know if talking about it will solve it or make it easier. i guess i think abiut this one tidbit of advice his mother got, its about creating and living in a new normal. what was once normal for you is over and you have to create a new normal for you. so my new normal is spending a lot of time alone. even if i worked, perhaps itd bother me less because id be distracted and tired and that in itself is sad. no matter what there is an extreme looming sadness. why the fuck does any of this matter, why do i care - why should i go on? whats the purpose of going on? what do i have besides the belief thst "everything is out there for me" as if i magixally decided to hibernste and ignore what opportunities i had available. i am a god damn termite to people. im just like.. this thing that hovers around and sucks your resources but you feel bad for it so you let it go. lately ive noticed the air of desperstion i carry. i want to be around people. i want to care and be cared for. i want to be active in someones life and have someone message me and ask me whats up on a regular basis and just.. you kbow, care. but the more i want it the more people have turned away. i offer everything for it laid out in front of me - my house, my food, what little money i have, the opportunities i manage to come up with - i just keep offering it all out so i can have it in return. or maybe just a portion of it. i believe im worthy of love. i dont live in such a state of depression; i have a variety of interests, i hold good conversations about politics and life and philosophy, i am creatively ralented and my domestic skills are top notch as are my hosting skills. i am worthy of love. but i am not receiving it. i am inherently shielded from love. like its sketchy and gross. like im a diseased animal. maybe they want to love me but they cant because im a person who cant be loved. i want to go out and do things with people but i am not invited. i dont even think its a personal thing, i think they coukd even think i wont have the means or care to be involved. sometimes i dont. but im never asked out for a coffee or a drink. my friendships come by happenstance, as they always have, and thoee hwppenstance friendships have never lasted. why am i never asked oto do interesting or fun things? not even free things? im isolated and im constantly constantly constantly reaching out for something. just wow, thank you for talking to me. like i have to beg people to hang out, double, triple check they didnt forget and once im there they busy themselves with anything but a direct connection to me. i watched this right to die documentary. it was focused towards mental and unseen health issues and the argument was made that perhaos in sone of these cases, if they expended as much energy tryi to help them live as they did helping them die, the might actully not want to die. but i think society ca be like that. they would rather help you die, little by little, piece by piece, than expend the energy to help you live. i realized i am very different from others thiugh. people tend to accept a very small amount of "help" as sonething large and amazing that they did. they donated, had a coffee eith a friend whos been down for months, did a birthday psrty gig cheap etc. but i would literally accept them into my house right now and bathe them and feed them and give them my clothes and make them a bed and listen to them cry for hours endlessly. this is without question. all they have to do is ask. maybe not even ask - ill offer if i think theyy could use it. because it hurts me not to. i feel really anxiously guilty and it will be invasive to my life knowing i didnt give everything i couldve to a person i thiught needed help that i had grown a bond eith. THATS how ive been walked on for a long time. i alloeed it, maybe asked for it, because i believe in helping. i know how bad life is. i live in the trenches of it. i dont want to see another person suffer the same way. i think id gut myself and give a kidney to someone i loved. life is too hard and i feel too much. once you know what true loneliness is, it really changes you as a person. it changes and shifts your perspective and at times i feel like i want to be the most genrrous person, thst im moved by suffering but at other times i am bitter. absolutrly bitter towards the world around me. why is there suffering and why is it sonlarge you cant do anythint abiut it. why could i say every person i know is "crazy" - no one is crazy . everyone truly is exactly the way they needed o be to survive this long. they developed their own coping skills and theyre more than likelt a total inconvinience to everyone else. which makes it "crazy" i was called neurotic. im not crazy, im neurotic. why am i bothered. why. why do i care. i dont care. thats the problem. i "care" because my environment forced me not to care to a point that everything is utterly futile. i cannot find a purpose to care. i dont care about having things. i dont. i barely care about eating. i barely care about affording smokes. these are things i "want" at rhe very least and nothing pushes me for it. nothing gets me up and solving these problems. nothing makes me feel like any of this is important eniugh to have and experience and be. why? in the end , theres nothing. i cannot get over the pure nothingness ahead of me. thats reqllt driving my anxiety. to me, i see nothing. i dont see myself with this job or career i want to be apart of, actively socializing and existing, i dont see myself living in an apartment or basement or shack or trailer, i dont see a family, no children, no reliability, no stability. is it my environment. is it the people i know. is it my city. is it the country. how do i solve this. what can i do to create purpose? i went out, i joined clubs, i put on shows, i picked up hobbies, i met new people, worked new gigs, experienced new romances but to what purpose. what do i do now. how do i enjot life? i admired his ability to enjoy life as is. like he takes joy in small things and everything is meaningful and worth value. he created purpose in his work and drive. he still does. i want that. at the very least. start small, right? i want to find wonder and joy in my world. i want to feel what he feels; going hiking, bike riding, buileing things, playing games, friendships - theres just like accomplishment in it. i try to implement this, regularly. i really try. a d being poor makes it easy because you learn to appreciate things alot more. i am so grateful for the ability to have what i have. and i create these scenarios and try to appreciate its novelty, i guess. like painting in an artists studio in a gallery. it should be an experience, something creative and inspiring. but no matter how hard i try to shine the experience, its nothing more than a gsthering space for fuck ups. i hate it. i hate it but how do i change it and what do i want. what do i want so i know the path to take for it. i willingly try new things with ease becahse i hope itll be the thing. something will click and this will be it but im 27 yrs old and ive had many experiences thst led to nothing. always nothing. and i grasp. i like cats. maybe ill work in a pet store. but thats crazy, a pet store is mearly retail and retail is nothing more than stocking shelves and talking to people. othing to do with cats. do i go to school? do i dedicate my being for the welfare of cats? is it that important to my life? do i cook? professionally? what about baking? a greenhouse? floral designer? "just get -a- job". fine. fine. fine. get -a- job, but then what? i can eat but i have no desire to. i can buy nice things, go places - have no desire to. fantastic, im not a burden to anyone - the real goal. but i have nothing. and its so hard, so fucking hard to comprehend nothing when you know something. i never imagined the reality of nothing on such a level. ever. i knew it would come, but the heavy reality of it is something i never couldve known. so no one understands having a tangible "something" and feeling nothing. what is a nice house. what is a nice car. what is luxury and why does it matter and why dont i feel the same way about it? its nice, its easy, its beautiful- i see it. but why doesnt it make me feel the same way it does him and my exs and my friends. why dont i care? i think.. 5 hours ahead of me, really. i try to think a day or so ahead but i never go through with anything i think ill do a day from now. who knows what will happen. who knows if i get an opportunity for honest interacrion, who knows if i earn money - but i know in five hours ill still be here. ill probably want weed. ill probably want food. maybe ill be tired and sleep early or nap until someone bothers to acknowledge me. maybe they wont, but thatll be for me in five hours to deal with and itll start over again. working paycheck to paycheck is nothing like living hour to hour. i am in the absolute worst position of my life, bar none. i have never been so bad off, so depressed, so hopeless for such a long period of time. i am totally lost. always. j

0 notes