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realtagwhywrites · 4 years

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You Were Never Gone

@sianobis merry christmas!!! im your secret santa!!! @adashigiftexchange2019

i wrote the reunion fic that Adam and Shiro deserved :’)

it’s on ao3 here and if you have an ao3 lmk so i can gift it to you!!

Shiro’s grip on Keith’s chair is firm and steady as the Lions moves closer to Earth, their descent begins slowly and steady towards the little orb of blue and green.

He hasn’t seen Adam in well over six years… a lot has to have changed in six years, he can still remember, as if it was yesterday their fight about the Kerberos mission, a pang fills his chest, he hopes that Adam is ready to forgive him, he can’t imagine what it would be like without him.

“You good?” Keith asks, eyebrows raised in a silent question.

“Just… nervous, to see Adam.” He clarifies.

“You know, I’m certain he’ll forgive you.” Keith says. “I still remember the way he looked at you, and he used to make you blueberry pancakes even though he was on a ‘strictly no sugar’ diet. If that ain’t love, then I don’t know what love is.”

Did he just…

“Keith, did you just quote Cupid’s Chokehold to me?” Shiro says in disbelief.

The little demon’s lips twitch into a grin, even as he can hear Lance screech behind them. “Lance has been growing on me.”

“I bet.” He says with a knowing grin, Keith blushes and turns away.

“Anyway, Adam will forgive you and I will leave you two alone for the whole night so you can have the apartment to yourself.”

“Oh I know what this is.” Shiro huffs a laugh. “You’re avoiding him.”

“I did leave without telling him.” Keith shifts, there’s something else that he isn’t telling him.

Shiro sighs, “What else.”

“What do you mean?” Keith feigns ignorance but Shiro knows.

“What did you do? What did you do that upset Adam?”

“Uhh, I might have gotten kicked out of the Garrison…” Keith mumbles and Shiro presses his hand to his eye, heaving out a sigh. “Look, you were gone, and Iverson was saying it was a pilot fault or whatever, but I knew there was no way you’d made a mistake.”

“It’s okay… I left for that damn mission, against everyone’s wishes… I just hope he can forgive me.” Shiro whispers.

Keith places a consoling hand on Shiro’s shoulder, something aged in his expression, “You two were disgustingly sweet together, if he can’t forgive you… then Lance and I will destroy him.”

“Keith, I know that’s supposed to be supportive but that is horrifying and I would certainly hope you wouldn’t, if Adam has moved on… then that’s in his own right.” Shiro says.

“Nah, I think Keith’s plan works best.” Lance adds with a wink.

“Yeah of course it is.” Pidge says. “We’ll make sure to put tuna in all of his curtain rods… melted cheese wiped underneath the bottom of his car seats… replacing all of his family photos with Nicholas Cage…”

They stare in silence… “Yeah, the prank war was hell.” Hunk agrees. “Never piss off Pidge.”

Shiro stores that horrifying information away for later use…

“We will not be doing any of that.” He resolutely ignores the groans and cries of ‘shame!’.

The frequency falls back into silence, a tad uneasy.

“We’ll be within calling frequency in about a vagra.” Coran calls out through the intercoms.

A vagra passes quite slowly when there’s little to do in space, so all Shiro can do is pace nervously in the hull of the black lion and think and rethink new situations of how Adam will react to him being back on planet earth.

There’s so much Shiro has to tell him, and it feels like there’s so little time, Sam should have prepared the Earth’s defences by now, and Shiro can only hope that it will be enough, he’s sure that some-one will attempt to attack such a hapless planet.

So how exactly can he condense the 7 years into one conversation?

Hi honey, I was captured by the Galra, where I fought battles and became ‘the champion’, lost an arm, landed back on earth, learnt how to pilot a mystical lion that transforms into Voltron-

His head spins thinking about it, there’s so much that he has to tell Adam, but that’s only if he forgives him…

There’s a little worm in the back of his mind reminding him that maybe Adam’s moved on, maybe he’s found love again.

Shiro sighs, they should be in calling frequency soon.

The comms crackle into life again and Coran calls out, “We’re in calling frequency, Pidge, if you’ll do us the honours.”

“Dad, it’s Pidge, we’re back in the Earth’s solar system.”

Shiro feels his stomach twist into knots as the seconds tick by, what if something has-

“Katie! It’s so good to hear your voice!” Sam’s voice comes through, albeit crackling, but still there.

“We’re within range of earth, we’re going to touch down with the next day or so.” Pidge says, and Shiro can imagine that her eyes are glistening with emotion, much like his are, because they’re finally arriving home.

They’re finally coming home.

Something aches and pines in his chest, love blossoming, blooming and twisting beneath the imminent anxiety itching at his skin, he’s never considered himself a romantic per se, but he’s struck by how much he misses Adam.

It’s like some-one physically reached inside his chest and ripped out his heart, leaving nothing behind aside from a gaping chasm.

Comparatively to the last vagra, time seems to slip through his fingers, speeding up until earth is bearing down upon their arrival, the anxiety resonating through his chest flares up again, haggardly, he beats it down, if Adam has moved on, then he’s moved on.

The lions begin their descent through the atmosphere. “Alright, if you will all kindly land in the vicinity of the Garrison, we will send out a landing party for you.” Sam tells them through the radio. “I’ve explained the situation the best to my abilities, but they are certainly waiting for visual confirmation.”

“Alright, we’ll see you soon dad.” Pidge says, Shiro can imagine the tears swimming in their eyes from the way their voice chokes up.

The ground comes into focus with sharp clarity and Shiro can spy the group of garrison members surrounded by soldiers, all heavily armed.

Carefully, Keith eases Black onto the ground and opens the cockpit, “Alright, let’s do this.”

Shiro strides with courage and purpose that he isn’t sure he feels, every single garrison leader has gathered to witness the spectacle of the flying lions, “Commander Iverson.” Shiro says respectfully, saluting him.

There’s a gasp from the crowd and a surge of people rushes forward as one desperately pushes through the officers, “Shiro!”

He feels tears well up in his eyes because he would know that voice anywhere, a shock of brown hair bursts through and rushes him, pausing a moment in front of him to view the changes been made to Shiro before strong arms are encircling him tightly.

“I thought you were dead!” Shiro hugs Adam tightly back.

“No, I’ll tell you all about it I swear… Adam, I’m so sorry, I should’ve listened to you.” Shiro sobs out, distantly, he’s aware of Allura and Keith catching the commanders up to speed with their situation, of everyone staring.

Adam pulls back from the hug, touches still lingering, as if he’s afraid Shiro will disappear, quickly, his face drops as he looks at Shiro’s arm, or, lack there of.

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

Shiro hesitates, “But it will be.”

Keith approaches the two, “Uh, hi Adam.”

“Keith.” Adam says cordially, eyes narrowing. “I heard you got kicked from the garrison.”

“I heard you were still a grumpy old man.” Keith replies, crossing his arms.

The two stand a ways apart before Adam grabs the gremlin and bearhugs him, “Alright space cowboy, thanks for looking after him.” He tussles his hair and despite Keith’s scowl, Shiro can see the notes of pleasure of the hug.

“I missed you too Adam.” Keith says, winding his arms around the pair before withdrawing, “Uh, anyway, we’re heading for the base for a proper debriefing, we’ll leave the lions here though.”

“I can’t believe this is real.” Adam murmurs, looking back to Shiro, eyes twinkling with unshed tears, he links their hands and squeezes tightly.

“I always hoped that I would find you again.” Shiro says. “I was so scared that something had happened, or that you had moved-”

“I found your ring.” Adam interrupts. “Uh- they called me and told me about the pilot fault, so I went to your apartment and I found it.”

“Oh.”

Adam shakes his head fondly, “You were always the romantic, and yes.”

“Really?”

“Of course, I love you. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Probably something dumb.”

Adam laughs and the ball of anxiety that seemed to have settled in Shiro’s chest begins to melt away…

“Well, we have to have a spring wedding when this is all done.” Shiro smiles.

Adam’s face falls a little, “Yeah, I’ll stick with you until the end you dolt. Some-one’s gotta look after you.”

“And I’ll look out for you.” Shiro replies, squeezing Adam’s hand again.

Zarkon’s threat may be persistent, but with the two of them together again, Shiro thinks he might just make it through.

#adashi #adashi gift exchange 2019 #reunion #au #fluff

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im-reylo-trash-and-i-dont-care · 4 years

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Reylo Wolf AU

Inspired by https://im-reylo-trash-and-i-dont-care.tumblr.com/post/172859704178/abandoned-as-mustard

“Sir! The droid was spotted heading west... with a girl.”

If kylo were in his wolf-form, his ears would have peeled up. He stormed off into the forest, running deep into the trees until he had lost sight of his troops. Now that he was alone, he crouched, trembling. He always hated this part. His skin crawled and itches, and his muscles felt like they were contorting and twisting.

In this state, he felt even more connected to the Force, with all four paws connected to the earth. He tested the hard ground beneath his claws, scratching the surface slightly.

A scent came to him. It was foreign. It did not belong to the damp, musty scent of the forest. It smelled like sand, rust, grease, metal, sweat... and fear. There was something else there, but fear overwhelmed the scent.

He took off, bounding further into the forest. Kylo suppressed the urge to howl; he loved the hunt and the chase. It made his blood feel hot, boosting his blood pressure. It was thrilling.

The scent came on much stronger now. His full gallop turned to a canter, and then a brisk walk, his nose hovering over the ground, before rising to a nearby rock. *flashback* Rey fled from the sounds of the battle, fear choosing her path through the woods. She paused briefly, resting her hand on a large stone. Something was coming. Something big. She turned again and continued running, into a large chasm* Kylo opened his eyes and bounced into the chasm, his breath coming in heaves. He was so close now. He could smell something new on her. But he couldn’t place it... it was distinctly feminine. Something he wasn’t normally around.

Kylo could hear her footsteps now. Judging by the sound, she was walking slowly, turning, observant. He shuddered again as he shifted back into a man. He thought himself lucky that his clothes melded with his skin. It was still uncomfortable to shift from fur to skin. Everything felt tingly against his skin for a few minutes afterward. It was annoying. He still retained his heightened senses for several minutes after his transformation, so it seemed fair to him.

Kylo ignited his saber, he sound grating in his ears, rounded the corner and held his saber in front of him. The girl looked quite shocked, and fired several shots, fleeing. He deflected them easily, stalking after her. She looked like a frightened rabbit fleeing from him, her desert garb making her stand out against the dark forest setting.

Rey leapt up the side of the chasm, agile and lithe as a doe. Kylo clambered after her, his movements deft as he deflected several more shots before he finally froze her in place. He looked at her keenly, his head moving up and down. He cocked his head to one side, “The girl I’ve heard so much about.” He circled her, resisting the temptation to take of his helmet to catch her true scent.

Kylo approached her now, still looking her up and down. He reached into her memories and was surprised by what he saw. *The map, just a glimpse. Being held back as her parents flew off, crying. Scratching another day on her wall. The inexplicable things that happened. Fighting off other scavengers. Falling from thirty stories above the floor of a star destroyer, and surviving when her hands seemed to slow her down mere centimeters from the floor. Loneliness. An ocean, and an island, rising from the waves like a jagged tooth, marring the beautiful surface of the ocean.*

He drew closer to her, driven by something he couldn’t explain. He touched her face, and tilted his head, putting his nose by her neck, where scent glands in humans were. There it was. That other smell he had caught. This soft fragrance. He had to dig it out from the scent of sweat, and fear, but there it was... almost like a gem. It was a pleasant scent. If he had ears and a tail, they most certainly would have both perked up, and his tail might have even betrayed him with a half a wag. He felt something driving him closer to her. He wanted to dive in her scent. Swim in it. He wanted... he wanted......needed.....her. He got so close to her neck, his mask nearly touched her soft skin. *Wolf* he almost drew back, he was so startled. She was a wolf. Like him. But she didn’t seem to know it. He could smell a trace of it on her, but it wasn’t as prominent as his own. She had only turned once. She probably didn’t even remember it, the scent was so faded.

He wanted her even more. He realized that in his half primal state, he had begun the ritual. He had imprinted on her as a mate. He had pursued, he had approached, she attacked, he followed, he bowed, he circled around her, he approached again.... he wanted her.

Rey watch him with keen eyes. He moved like an animal. One she had only heard of but never seen. She could see it in him, the slight turn of his head, the bow he made when he looked her up and down. Now in the way he drew closer to her. She could tell he was taking in her scent. She was drawn to him. There was something in her, stirring, awakening... and she knew he was the key to it.

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dominionleathershop · 6 years

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Third Story

The second of two stories that were part of the final three that my wife had to pick from.

by LETSSEEYOUGRITTHOSETEETH

Our tale of meetings first starts On a night full of horror, creepy gaunts. One Halloween night There was held a great fight To be crowned king or queen of the haunts.

The annual Halloween Festival Was the towns greatest and most edible. Where greyhounds would enter Nimble and slender, Theyd float off like a Macy’s processional.

The lad cantered up to partake. The lass strode up through the wake. A waiver was signed “Be fair and be kind. All cheaters will be thrown in the lake.”

“Welcome one welcome all to these games!” Shouted organizer Merriam Jones “This year’s contest is odd Find partners not a squad And heed my instructions in rhyme.”

The lad looked about in dismay. All nearby were taken away. Till he spotted the lass On an island of grass Alone near the massive buffet.

“Want to partner” asked the lad with a smile “Lets do this, we’ll win by a mile” Said the lass with a shout Which was louder than thought. Several heads turned and stared for a while.

Dressed as a chef was she. A cowboy with holsters was he. The pair was made. Neither were maids. The contest was starting, what glee!

Feedback from the mic rang out. “Our first contest will be all about Eating chili with beans, So unbutton your jeans. Devour 10 bowls before time runs out”

“To make this no easy feat.” Miss Jones said on repeat “You eat with your props, (The chilis not hot) No hands can touch this meat.”

Better off were those two then Dracula. Water guns had those dressed as Yakuza. While some go face first Those two were not cursed The lass had brought her spatula

All lined up to begin the challenge There was chili brought by the gallon “Im ready”, “lets go” Then came Mrs. Jones “But first from our sponsor, Valium!”

“Are you tired of seizures and spasms?” “Then shove this pill down your wet chasms!” “Side effects may occur” “Such as dizziness, vision blur” “But with Valium you’ll keep your enthusiasm!”

The gun sounded off with a blast. To signal to all that amassed Eat, swallow, and chew Till your face turns blue. The lad and the lass took off fast.

With her spatula she gulped down each bowl The lad followed quick to their goal. The clock was near done. Five four three two one “That’s time! All hands up! We’ll patrol”

The lass looked to him and laughed. “You’ve got beans on your face. they’re all smashed!” On his cheeks he drew A smile-like tattoo Even harder she laughed falling back.

As the judges came round she got up “Well done on completing your cups!” “You came close in second, But just by a second. We’ll see how you fare in the next setup.”

Together they talked and made jokes. Funny stories of friends and their folks. The next session was near “Together we’ll smear The others and dash all their hopes.”

Next up was a three-legged race. Their legs would be tied in embrace. The lad and the lass Became one big mass As they waddled at a clumsy pace.

Ms. Jones made it up to the stage. “Quiet down all including the teenage.” “Next up this sponsor. Just ask your doctor Of the wonderful cream named Avage!”

“Slather this white creamy goo When acne just will not do. Dry skin or a rash May start to last, With Avage your skin will renew!”

This race would prove most difficult. Cowboy boots were not used by Usain Bolt. Locking arms they made way, But soon found they lay On the ground with a quick sudden jolt.

“Well partner” she said with a wince. “Together lets walk and convince These monster and ghouls That they are the fools” They ran as one ever since.

They waltzed to the starting line. All groups held fast for the sign. Then off went the gun To start all their fun Each raced to the finish twine.

The lad and the lass were fast. Most couples they already passed. Close behind they were To a count and a purr Till the end when they did bypass.

Loud cheers from the crowd did sound. Now both of their hearts did pound. First place they had won Yet they were not done One last test before they were crowned.

The mic rang out with Mx. Jones. “Don’t these two rattle your bones?” “This lad and this lass Are kicking some ass! Forgive me my French overtones.”

The lass hugged the lad in excitement “We’re winning!” he said not so silent “A great team we make” She smiled as she spake “Its great so well we complement”

At last the last trial awaited. All stood around fascinated. The stage was clear Loud music appeared. “The finals a dance” old Jones stated.

“To sponsor this lovely diddy, It makes me so happy and giddy. The sponsor for this Dance floor bliss The one, the only GoLytely”

“Before doctors can check your rectum Swallow this laxative concoction” “Sometimes vomiting, cramps Will leave you like gramps” “GoLytely makes colonoscopies awesome!”

The lass and the lad took the floor. They held hands and waited for The music to play, And start this display. A dreamy sax, George Michael did roar.

The first up was Careless Whisper. The lad took her lovely figure. Together they danced Feeling romance. He felt so great to be with her.

The next songs were far more lively. To Faith they danced more brightly. They swayed and moved Feeling the groove Her steps being much more sprightly.

George Michael played on for a while. His Go-Go and Freedom compiled To make this soundtrack. Their moves were all whack. The judges watched all through this trial.

The lad and the lass grooved on. His cowboy boots aiding his motion. He tapped and two stepped To Fastlove he moved it. She shim shammed and jived with vibration.

The music began to slow down. “We are close to giving the crown.” “You all did so well! The judges can tell These are the best dancers in town.”

Trying to catch their breathing The baker and cowboy were sweating. “The winners will be, The judges agree, The couple of Bat Girl and Swamp Thing”

Startled, the two turned around, To hear cheering and hooting abound. Bat Girl was so jolly, Swamp Thing was so swampy, They ran up to claim their new crown.

The lad and the lass were dismayed. Their best had they tried, had they played. “That’s just a shame There goes my fame” Joked the lad to the lass as they strayed.

The two of them walked round the fest. An end had come to their quest. They talked, they hung out. Both thinking about, The feelings for each other they possessed.

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maythedreadwolftakeyou · 7 years

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I finished!!! game time was like something like 138 hours but I spent a good dozen or so hours pausing the game to check my phone or wandering off to make dinner.

I this said last night in a sleepy 4am haze, but I really enjoyed the ending. It was fun to play. The only time I died was when I accidentally fell into a chasm bc I didn’t realize a goddamn fiend was gonna come barreling out of the hall and ruin my “melee everything” scheme and I scooted myself right off a dang platform and respawned directly in its mouth. Whoops. When the Archon called up the Architect I was very Oh god not another one but then I didn’t have to actually try to kill it ever just avoid it, so that was fine. I LOVED how everyone came out to help at the end. It always seems unbelievable to me that your pals are content to hang back for the boss fight (ME2 I thought did well with having everyone else away on different tasks, and the ME3 citadel mission where everyone goes together is one of my favorite parts of the trilogy). And getting to run around with Kandros (who i love but duty calls and we can never be together) and Reyes (im still Very Sad i had to break up with him) and the Salarians!! and then your team coming in at the end :333 ah. It was a very feel-good, exciting culmination, and I think it fit the tone of the rest of the story well. Part of me was half-expecting disaster like you have to sacrifice Scott or a bunch of citizens or something, and while I eat that sort of tragedy up, I’m glad there wasn’t any for this game.

Incidentally, all of my screenshots of Scott somehow turned out like this, and so I’ve decided this is a chronic problem his whole life and he has 0 good photos ever even when the rest of the fam comes out lookin great:

ah, Scott. someday i’ll play as him with this Ryder as his sister and it’s gonna have to be a wild ride.

Romance: I romanced Vetra!! I love her a lot as a character but I just kept wishing for more content. And I know I always crave more romancey content but I did feel like her romance arc had a lot less than what I knew people were getting from Jaal’s, especially because it takes you over halfway into the game before you get anything from it. Four flirt opportunities where she doesn’t really flirt back, my Ryder was dying and convinced her crush would never be reciprocated (hence the brief fling with Reyes). But I did LOVE the scenes you do finally get with her, the climbing date was soooo sweet, and I could not stop laughing when she tries to make you dinner. I’m never telling my beautiful girlfriend she doesn’t know how to cook steak. NEVER. she did it perfectly, i love cow. But I just wish there was a scene where YOU could do something for HER. Lexi even tells you that you should show her she’s appreciated and doesn’t have to take care of everyone all the time to be worthy of being liked but then you... never get a chance in game to really do that. Sigh. I definitely have a lot of inner-headcanoning going on for thier relationship. Though Vetra wants to eventually settle down and have a home and i’m... not so sure that’s in the cards for this Ryder. I may tweak the characterization of my Vetra-romance-ryder in some ways and redo this Ryder with Reyes for real next time. I think next up is gonna be a Jaal playthough though.

But, OVERWHELMINGLY, the relationship I was absolutely most fascinated by the whole game and spent way more time thinking about than romance, was the relationship between Ryder and SAM. I went into endgame thinking that the game really hadn’t gotten into that aspect nearly as much as I wanted, AND THEN!!! SAM GETS DISCONNECTED! And it’s revealed they took over WAY more control of the Pathfinder’s physiology than anyone had even guessed!! it’s not just “SAM can take access of enough systems to stop and then restart your heart” it was “SAM is so intertwined with you that they are integrated into these systems already and their absence makes it almost impossible for the Pathfinder to cope without.” I LOVED IT. I was so ready to address that, like, did Ryder know? Did SAM do it by choice or was it just an effect of Alec’s modifications?

And then... nothing. You’re linked back up with SAM. No one questions it. You don’t get to talk to Scott about how SAM is different for you than him now. Or at least, not that I’ve found??? to be fair I can’t seem to find Scott post-endgame yet (where is he hiding???? i’ve been all over Meridian after leaving/going back), and I still need to go check out the colonies and see what people there have to say. But it really seems like everyone sort of was like “whew, glad that’s sorted out, SAM’s back and htis could never possibly be an issue again so we will all forget about it and never bring it up again.” There was one colonist before (Fawkes) who was one of the only non-main characters to ask a really detailed question about SAM/what the future of AI is gonna look like in Heleus and I was so psyched for that convo. There’s a couple dialogue responses you can take, I went with:

becuase I really like the idea that Ryder starts to think of themselves as not just Ryder, but a Ryder-And-SAM partnership. There’s a lot of sacrifice in that. You’re admitting that your body is not just You anymore, but a team where both sides are valued.

I’ve spent a lot of the game thinking about Ryder’s internal dialogues with SAM, and the dynamic it would add to their relationship. You don’t have a voice that lives inside your head (and gives you its 100% undivided attention while you’re in the field) and not end up talking to it all the time. SAM asks you questions back on the Tempest when you talk to them and I bet they would when out and about as well, just privately. There’s a line in one of the Vaults where Ryder starts talking to herself and then catches it--

--because she gets more and more accustomed to not being the only one in her head. SAM is always there. More than that, they always have your back, and are ready to feed you whatever you need to get the mission done. They’re not just a voice, they’re a tool; and they’re not just a tool, they’re a support system. Maybe Ryder knows just how intertwined SAM is becoming with theer body, and isn’t just aware, but welcomes it. The Ryders are a fucked up family who aren’t good at talking to each other, but SAM means you never have to be alone again. Someone is always there for you, protecting and watching out for you.

So in the final mission, when SAM is ripped away from Ryder--it’s not just a physical effect. It’s like losing a part of your soul and a best friend and a, in some ways, a parent--because SAM learned through Alec Ryder before anyone else--and in other ways, a child--because Ryder is responsible for teaching SAM what it means to be a person and how to navigate the world. And I wish you could convey that emotional distress (even if less complex) in the game, and that Ryder was as worried for SAM’s well being as they are for Scott’s when they race to stop the Archon. Becuase in a lot of ways, I think my Ryder would have grown closer to same than she ever did with her brother.

Anyway, I wish the game hadaddressed these things more, but I also accept that like--this is a trope that I just am REALLY into and have been for ages. It’s not gonna be what everyone wants as the main focus, and it just wasn’t the big story they were trying to tell. At the beginning of the game the descriptions of SAM hyped me up so hard because they reminded me very strongly of my favorite short story, Silently And Very Fast by Catherynne Valente (which, if you haven’t read it, it’s really amazing and you can read the first part here (the other 3 parts are linked at the bottom of each chapter), or I can send a pdf of it if you want, it’s really good people read it please and then tell me about your Emotions). The story veered off not long into the plot of the game (I, along with many others, suspected for a while that SAM would turn out to be like the mother’s consciousness integrated into the AI or something) but I stayed pretty invested in it as a major part of my Ryder’s experience in Heleus.

And like, I guess this would be something I’ll probably end up doing fic about now since the game didn’t give me as much as I wanted (and I only meant to write a short paragraph about it here and now i have like 9 whoops), so I’ll probably keep thinking about it with the rest of my Ryders. There’s so much potential there. Jade Ryder really grew attached to SAM, but there’s also potential for resentment there--SAM is always watching, Ryder essentially gives up any aspect of privacy in their life, even if SAM is polite enough not to comment on it.

wow this got away from me. anyway. that’s the game!!!!! i’m running around making sure i’ve talked to everyone still. I need to go check up on the colonies and stuff, but I did pretty much everything else before the last mission, so there’s not much to play. Just some assignments that don’t have navpoints. and then start thinking about my next Ryder!!! I played Jade Ryder as pretty logical and professional, with a tendency to open up more with people as she grew to know them better, though she struggled to be open/heartfelt when talking to Angara when her natural conversation style with them flopped hard at first. I think my next Ryder who I still need to name is gonna be way more casual/joke-y (tho i think Ryder is HILARIOUS no matter what, it’s so fun to have such a lighthearted protag) and probably more reckless and prone to following their whims. Gonna have to re-battle the CC though which I’m not so much looking forward to.

oh also re: the second picture: i FUCKING LOVE that you beat the architect on Elaaden so hard it shoots itself into orbit and slowly decays and you can just sit there and watch it slowly fizzle in the cold vacuum of space

#jade ryder #mass effect: andromeda #SAM #mass effect: andromeda spoilers #this got long SORRY #im just having Many Thoughts #ramblings #long post

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equalstrashflavoredtrash · 7 years

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My First Kiss at the Public Execution - 6

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 5 - PART 7 - PART 8 - PART 9 - PART 10 - PART 11

a/n: posting this earlier than like midnight cus im gon to see princess mononoke in the theaters tonight and im so fucking hyped i know if i dont do this now i’ll prolly forget for two days so enjoy!! tell me what you think!

@beautifulramblingbrains @frecklefaceb @feminamortem @anditcametopass @dauntlessmetalmom @pathybo @mimigemrose @ag-delights @abfoster1s @sparklemichele @murmelinchen @jojuarez26 @purple-puddin @audreyfulquard [if you wanna be on the list hmu]

Warning: just a couple of frisky makout scenes, it’s setting up for next chapter with will be very fun to write

Eric X OFC // Divergent Trilogy

word count: 3,541

i wake alone in a woman's room i hardly know i wake alone and pretend that i am finally home

"Really?" Mae asked eyeing the two relatively small boxes that sat on the bare mattress, "That's all?"

"Yeah I guess, it's mostly clothes and gear," I replied as I slung the black duffel bag over my shoulders then grabbing one case.

"You don't even have a TV?" she questioned, lifting the last box and heading out the door.

"I never really wanted one," I shrugged as I took one final look back at the small room I had resided in for the past few years since I'd left Amity for good. I didn't feel much of anything as I let the door shut behind me. Most of the time I spent there was sleeping or getting dressed, my strongest memory was when I first saw it.

Once I passed initiation and was an official member of Dauntless, I was assigned to this space. We had to spend at least a year here before applying for an apartment, but I never bothered to move out. Until now, that is. Passively accepting what is given to you is very much an Amity trait. It's more Dauntless to demand better, to take what you deserve.

We joked and laughed as we lugged my possessions across the compound. Being around Mae made me smile, I could relax in her company.

"It's been bugging me, so I have to ask," I began as we passed The Chasm, "Where did Jason get his wedding tattoo? I mean he doesn't have a left hand, let alone a ring finger."

Mae gave me a smug look before stating, "On his cock," as my eyebrows shot up.

"Seriously?" I asked in a hushed tone, looking at her wide-eyed.

"No! Of course not," Mae scoffed, throwing her head back with contagious laughter. I couldn't help but smile with her. I should've expected this, she had recently started teasing me for how gullible I could be at times.

"Phew," she finally said, still chuckling as she balanced the box on the railing, freeing a hand to wipe away a tear, "You will believe anything," she grinned at me, "but no, he just got it on his right hand."

"Drum roll please!" Mae buzzed as she punched the code into the keypad before swinging the door open, "Welcome to your brand new, though gently used, humble abode!"

I hummed and nodded as I looked around the small room, "I think I've got about four square feet of extra space over the old place," I joked looking back at her.

"And this sweet kitchenette," she added, pointing to the left side of the room with her thumb. There was a small half size fridge with a butcher block countertop above it, a two burner gas stove, and sink, "You don't have to rush to the mess hall for breakfast any more, talk about leisurely mornings. And check this out," she crossed the small space to a door, turning the knob, "This is why I moved out of the dorms, your own shower! No more of that communal co-ed washroom bullshit."

I poked my head past her looking in, "That's about all that's in there," I commented as I studied the closet with a toilet and shower. I stepped back as she closed the door and looked around the small room again and I liked it, I even had a window now.

"Thank you, Mae," I stated with a wide smile as I turned to face her.

"Don't worry," she replied waving her hands, but I could see she was pleased with my reaction, "Listen I got a spare TV, so I'll bring it over tonight after work and I'll show you all my favorite programs, ok?"

"Yeah that sounds awesome, I can't wait," I agreed as she walked to the exit.

"Alright, I'll see you then, just after dinner," she finalized before closing the door.

While toweling my hair, I stepped out of the shower humming, "Stamp and dance be nimble and merry," I mumbled to myself as I looked at my new room. I had spent all day arranging and rearranging the handful of furniture I had until it was perfect and I was exhausted.

"But watch the fire and try to be wary," I continued, as I closed my eyes, leaning forward, and wrapping my hair tight in the towel to dry. It was one of my favorite songs from Amity that was sung around the weekly bonfire, I could never forget it.

"For you must know I have no warm bed," I slid open the folding closet doors to reveal my dresser, I moved it in there to save floor space. Once it was tucked away I was able to arranged my bed and small futon back to back in the center of the room, the couch facing the door, and the bed set so I could see out the window as I laid down. I was very excited about the new bed, it was twice as wide as my last one so I had plenty of room to stretch out.

I dug through the dresser looking for underwear to pull on, "And when it's cold I need it instead," I sang as I pulled an oversized t-shirt above my head, letting it settle around my shoulders as there was a knock on the door. "One second," I called out as I quickly tugged up a pair of shorts.

I hurried over to the door at the second knock, "Sorry, I just got out of the-," I began as I looked up, expecting to see Mae with a monitor. Instead I was greeted by the tall, broad frame of Eric in my door way.

"Oh, hello," I stammered, thrown off balance by his sudden appearance, "Sorry, I was expecting someone else, a friend."

"I heard you were moving," Eric spoke, ignoring me as he pushed past into my apartment, "I brought you this," he handed me a bottle of liquor, "A house warming gift," he explained without making eye contact as he strode around my room inspecting the small space.

"Thanks, but I don't really like whiskey," I replied inspecting the bottle.

"That's fine, just save it for the next time I visit," he responded taking a seat on my mattress, "Not bad," he nodded before eyeing at me, "Need help breaking it in?"

I gave an exasperated sigh as I set the glass bottle on the coffee table and crossed over to him, "My friend Mae is going to be here any moment, you need to leave," I said as I grabbed and tugged at his arm, giving a futile attempt to dislodge him from his seat.

"But I don't want to," Eric shot as he jerked his arm back, leading me to stumble forward. He quickly wrapped his other arm around my waist, pulling me sideways onto his lap.

"Cut this out," I said as he gripped my waist, leaning forward to bite my throat. I pushed on his shoulders trying to back up, but he held me in place. I felt my resolve crack as he slowly ran his nose up along the column of my neck.

"Don't you want to spend time with me?" he questioned with a low voice into my ear. I whined as I wrapped an arm behind his neck, inching myself closer to him as his fingers danced around the hem of my shirt, acting as a catalyst to the fire under my belly. I brought my face forward, nipping at his top lip as he grinned, leaning backwards slightly.

"Hey Mott, I brought the TV," Mae called out, pushing the door open with her back. She paused in her tracks once she finally turned to fully face Eric and I, "Oh, uh, my bad," she stammered, averting her eyes to look at the wall.

"No," I started frantically, pushing myself away from Eric while his grip was slack, "Eric was just about to go," I looked at him quickly catching his furious glare, "He's leaving now."

Eric let a out a scoff as he stood up, pushing past me to the door, which he proceeded to slam behind himself.

"Sorry," I mumbled, avoiding Mae's eyes as I tugged on my fingers, "I was trying to tell him to leave, that I was expecting you, but he can be, uh, persuasive," I stammered as she set the screen onto the coffee table.

"Hey, you don't have to apologize to me," she joked in a light tone as she moved to hook the television up. I sighed and relaxed, letting my shoulders slump as I moved forward to help her.

"I do have to ask though," she started, looking up, "Does Eric know about Rachel?"

I gnawed on my lip, hesitant to answer, "No he doesn't, but it's not like it matters. I haven't heard from her in two and a half weeks," I explained, watching as Mae's face drooped with sympathy.

"I'm sorry," she added, resting a hand on my arm, "That really sucks. But hey, it's her loss," she added as she squeezed my shoulder. I tried to return her smile as we plugged in the last wires.

I blinked slowly in the morning sunlight, confused for a second at where I was. It took a moment for me to gain enough consciousness to gather my bearings but then I remembered, I was in my new apartment where I lived alone. I felt a long familiar pang in my chest at the reminder of my solitude and unconsciously let my thoughts drift back to the details of Layla.

I thought of how I'd idly wrap the spirals of her hair around my finger, laying with her in the grass when we were young and free from responsibility. Free to spend the day together doing as we pleased, even if that was nothing. I wished to look at her now, across the bed sheets from me, sharing my blankets. I could see in my mind how her curls would spill across the pillow, like the vines of ivy snaked across the decayed concrete overpass in Amity. I reached out slowly, running my fingers through the air where her cheek would be, imagining there was something to touch.

How different would my life in Dauntless have been if Layla had joined me? Part of me swore I could have helped her, kept her from being discovered, but she never even gave me that chance.

With a deep sighed I closed my eyes and rolled over, pushing myself up from under the bedding. I sat on the edge of the mattress, trying to prepare myself for the day ahead as I avoided looking over my shoulder to the empty bed that I occupied alone.

I spent most of my time perched on the floor, resorting all the scattered files. It turned out to be an extensive process, first having to return the loose leafs to their proper folder, then organizing said folders. I spent day in and day out flipping through pages and sorting through files on the floor of Eric's office.

I grew stiff spending the long hours curled up on the hard tiles. I swore that I'd go to the gym today, I even brought my gym pack with me so I could head there straight away. I heard my joints pop as I stood up and stretched. Checking the clock I noted it was dinner time. Most everyone would be in the mess hall so the gym will likely be empty as I preferred. That's what I hoped for, but unfortunately things didn't go according to plan.

I hadn't taken two steps in to the rec room when I found myself face to face with Eric. I groaned, annoyed that I could never seem to keep away from him.

"Surprising seeing you here," he smirked, about to exit the door I had just entered, "Don't want to get too flabby, people might start to question if you're actually a soldier," he chided as he walked pass. I stood there fuming for a minute before I turned on my heel and stormed into the men's locker room, following him.

"I'd be able to work out more if I didn't have to spend countless hours sorting out the mess you made!" I shouted, catching him by surprise as he pulled his shirt off.

"You mean the mess we made?" Eric challenged, quirking an eyebrow as he emphasized the word 'we'.

"No way, you were the one who knocked everything over," I returned pointing my finger at him as he rested his hands on his hips.

"Really?" he replied taking a step closer to me, "You really think you weren't complicit in the act? It was entirely your fault," he pressed as he looked down at me, I stood my ground, refusing to step away, "After all, you were the one who kissed me.

"It almost makes me wonder why you followed me in here," Eric continued as he studied me with his eyes.

"I came in here to call you an idiot," I spat at him as he moved in closer.

"Is that all you came in here for?" Eric asked, lowering his head toward my ear, "There was nothing else that you wanted from me?" he shifted his legs, pushing one foot between mine as his lips ghosted across the edge of my ear. I swallowed hard before answering, hoping to stifle the tremor in my voice that he caused.

"No?" I stammered, my tone unsure. Part of me wanted to run away but then he began to nip and kiss my jawbone and I couldn't help but rest my hands on his bare chest as he grabbed my middle. He pulled back, sitting down on the bench behind him as his fingers trailed along the sides of my legs, encouraging me forward. I bit my lip as I followed his lead, resting my knees on either side of him while avoiding his smug expression. I shivered at his touch as his fingers trailed up my spine underneath the cotton of my shirt.

"There's nothing you want from me?" he questioned again his lips dangerously close to mine as he pushed my hips down against his semi hard bulge. I closed my eyes, whining at the sensation of him under me before I choked out a response.

"I want you to say my name."

"Now why would I do that?" he smirked, teasing at the skin of my neck.

"Because I want you to," I stated, pushing back slightly to catch his gaze.

"Hmm," he hummed, narrowing his eyes as if considering my request, "No."

I acted on impulse and unabashedly slid one hand down his abdomen, snaking my fingers between our hips to cup his erection through his gym shorts, "I want you to say my name," I reiterated, pushing against him.

"No," he maintained as his trademark crooked smirk grew into a grin. It was obvious he was enjoying this game. I felt hypnotized by his hungry stare as I cautiously slid my palm upwards, letting my fingers dip under his waistband while leaning forward.

"Say my name," I whispered in his ear trying a new tactic, allowing my warm breath dance across his skin and cartilage. I could hear Eric let out a low growl as his hands drifted north from my thighs, gripping the soft flesh of my bottom. I stalled my hand, allowing my fingertips to just barely tease his lower wisps of hair, "I just want you to say my name."

Before Eric could reply the locker room door swung open with the laughter of three men echoing off the tiles. I snapped back to reality in an instant as the clouds that fogged my mind quickly dispersed. Without hesitation I climbed off of Eric's lap. Grabbing my bag, I bolted towards the exit, bustling past the group of intruders.

I couldn't believe that I'd fallen into his trap again. I cursed myself for being caught with him as I stopped in the hall just outside the doors, trying to catch my breath. I knew what kind of rumors this behavior would inspire. I turned my head to the side, hearing the nondescript sound of Eric yelling profanities at the others. I couldn't imagine that he was happy with this turn of events.

Once back at my place I clamped my fists over my eyes and dropped to the floor, slumped against the inside of my apartment door. I don't know why I continued to let this happen and I hated myself for it. I could swear that I despised him a hundred times over, but then once Eric put his hands on me I immediately turned into putty, eager to bend to his will. I cursed myself with an exasperated sigh.

Dropping my hands I looked up and my eyes came to rest upon the glass bottle of amber liquid on the coffee table. I had forgotten about it, leaving it out to eventually collect dust days ago. Shifting my legs, I knelt forward and wrapped my fingers around the neck of the bottle. Twisting open the cap there was a satisfying crack as the seal broke before I lifted it to my lips, taking a hefty drink. I was quick to pull away, coughing and sputtering at first in response to the bitter taste before I brought the bottle back for another gulp.

After another drink or two I managed to stand up and stumble three feet over to the couch. I grabbed the remote clicking on the television as I took another drink, still grimacing at the taste. The screen blinked to life pulling up the last channel I had been watching with Mae. She had a thing for cartoons and now there were five animated women singing, "Face it like a grown up, when you gunna own up that you got-," I cut them off changing the channel. I continued to press the button, absently scanning through the different programs without really processing what they were as I sipped absently at the bottle.

The next thing I know, I'm blinking at the morning sun as it shines in my face. I groaned as I rolled over, twisting my bed sheets tighter around my legs. Eventually I sat up, stretching as a I yawned. Moving to throw my legs over the edge of the bed I noticed the half empty bottle on the side table with a piece of paper taped to it. I tugged the note loose and immediately recognized the neat handwriting, everything in caps. The note simply read, 'I thought you didn't like whiskey' without a signature.

I kept my head down all day, too embarrassed to even look at Eric. I tried my hardest to just focus on my work, plowing forward like Sisyphus with this mound of paperwork. I could feel the note in my pocket every time I shifted, hyper aware of it's presence. All day I wanted to say something to him, but each time I tried to get my nerves up I hesitated. I'm not quite sure why, I knew for a fact that was his handwriting. But maybe it could've been someone else. Though who else would would've taken the time to tuck me into bed? At the end of the day I stood to leave, gathering my things before I headed out.

"Mott," Eric barked, causing me to jump before stopping in my steps. He stood and rounded the corner of his desk so he stood in front of me, "Go have a quick dinner and wash up, I expect to meet you in The Pit at six o'clock sharp. We're going out." I was confused for a second not sure if he was giving me orders or asking me on a date.

"Yes, sir," I nodded as I dipped my hand into my pocket to grab the note, "Did you leave this?" I asked, holding it out to him.

"Of course, and you're lucky I came to check up on you," he smirked as he took the small piece of paper, "I found you face first in the rug with Bob Ross playing." I had a quick flash of a hazy memory, watching a show about painting trees and adoring every second.

"Well, thanks," I replied avoiding his eye contact. He moved his arm, resting his fingers under my chin, guiding me to face him as he leaned in to place a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Wear something nice," he added, moving his mouth close to my ear before stepping away and returning to his seat.

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3 - PART 4 - PART 5 - PART 7 - PART 8 - PART 9 - PART 10 - PART 11

the lyrics at the beginning are from The Recluse by Cursive

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nottheoccult · 6 years

Text

oblivion access: except it’s poetry

Social self-obsessive species, everything is peachy

Having cyber interactions, get erections from the TV Vocal bout opinions bout elections up in DC With a total lack of knowledge, rope around your neck was easy Chemical complaint, deformity machine Skin eraser, loss creator, poison that you breathe Traitor, parasite, xenophilic golden boy Seen him with a soy product, wrote the Village Voice about it Tell me conclusions to stories I don't have time for Situations with the information missing, misinformed We've seen the same rain through separate systems, different storms We're stacking bodies up in boxes in a distant war I eat my vegetables, I like the broccoli What is more fictitious, the gods or you and I? You needs a court's admission, you think the cops comply? I don't acknowledge systems, I never found it wise I wasn't born to just support the shit that's palpable I don't see Earth as disproportionally valuable If there's a god, I'm sure his name is unpronounceable If there's a hell, I'm sure we'll all be held accountable I drew a portrait of Abraxis on a napkin Sex has never given me an ounce of satisfaction Life throws a lot of questions but I never ask them Facts are human arrogance, we barely know a fraction I don't know anything (This is the way the world ends)

From the inside of my corpse, 30 seconds is like a century Imprisoned in necrotic flesh Cognizant beyond my death Paralyzed and frozen in this carnal penitentiary Lucidly projecting hellish spectres Ghoulish architecture, enveloped In a darkness far beyond my mind can measure Suffocating violent pressure It just goes on forever, are these electro- Magnetic hallucinations? Is this everybody's afterlife or something I've created? Abandoned and dismissed in a flaccid Impotence with the cold illumination that I no longer exist In a grave within a grave It was the first time I prayed, no one There to tell me that I shouldn't be afraid Falling endlessly deeper, yet immobile and still In this infinite aethyr washing over My filth, neither angels or reapers or ghosts were fulfilled Just a cavity to soak up my guilt In my depravity, the flowers Up above me wilting down so they can laugh at me To think we spend our lives Convinced we understand agony, a familiar Voice: "He's finally at peace" Shrieking through the silence to remind me I'm deceased I tried to answer but the dead can't Speak, the biggest prison in the world's underground six feet

I got soaked through the rainiest days They made me this way Should have left the street but it paid me to stay The path that I walked on was paving my pain So I strayed and laid bricks for the opposite lane If you ain't rich you don't play about that gwop I view the city like a section of a swamp A lot of shit grows but nothing that you want A lot of shit gross and that's just being blunt Bitches acting foul and bitches wanna stunt But nothing ever change until you willing to confront Crooked cop, crooked cop, yeah, I see him too Erry' person has autonomy, we ain't got a clue I know it sound hazy when I twist that J That Richtown way, these dummies catch a 6 round fade And yeah I know them hunnies got them big round things But really don't give a fuck about that blasé blasé I play the resurrector like the Tribe cassette Cuz your third eye is just a fucking hole in your head I play the resurrector like the Tribe cassette Cuz your third eye is just a fucking hole in your head Gallon after gallon, brain's wet Seeing dead shit, morning never happened I'm still somewhere in my head space Walked for blocks, never figured out my destination 40 Glock pops, talk a cop into resignation I'm a mental patient, safety's not a strong suit Wrongdoer, safety off, one chambered, I'm dog puke Tell them shoot or just get off me, sociopathy probably Shit that bothers y'all probably never bothers me Told you not to follow me, newspaper's a shit show "Idiot with a slit throat stuffs coke in his pisshole Kills family with missiles" "Politician fucks bitches with issues" Everything I read is just a sick joke It never really registered as funny Rather figure out the time they fill the registers with money It never really registered as funny Rather figure out the time they fill the registers with money

I'm blowing on a backwood stuffed with psychiatrics Coughing with a hack like a playa out of practice 20 in my nose whatever get it done the fastest Eyes closed praying for apocalypse disasters No gods no masters no befores no afters Ugly mane will make you disappear just like a rapture Dodging destiny still the coffin like a bed to me The voices spoke incessantly My pride is what they fed to me Tried to read the messages but words was wrote illegibly Hennessy suppressing all my memories Mirror showed me glimpses of the enemies possessing me Toxic thought telepathy Living legacy Rocking weapons like accessories, dying for supremacy Really we're as significant as centipedes Crawl around the earth with no identities You're not special, don't pretend to be Your tendencies are so predictable it's difficult to remedy I could read a billion books still not know what pill I took I could have a million guns still walk with Achilles foot

HE USED TO LAUGH THE LOUDEST/NOW IT NEVER SHOWS HE TRIED TO BE THE TALLEST/BUT HE NEVER GROWS HE WATCHED HIS BROTHER DIE AND NEVER TOLD LOOKED AROUND AND KNEW HE HAD TO GO HE KNEW HIS FATHER HAD A BETTER DREAM BUT YOU CAN’T LEARN FROM WHAT YOU NEVER SEEN HE TRIED TO MINGLE WITH THESE JEALOUS THIEVES WATCH A HUMAN INTERACT WITH A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN INTERACT WITH A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GET ABUSED BY A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GETTING USED BY A MACHINE NOW HE’S USELESS AND HE’S STUPID AND OBSCENE HE NEVER LEAVES HE NEVER LEAVES HE COMES AND HE GOES BUT HE NEVER LEAVES HE NEVER BREATHES HE NEVER BREATHES HE INHALES AND HE EXHALES BUT HE NEVER BREATHES

I fell apart and took my mind with me. i have been barely sustaining My pain just marinating. i fell apart and took my mind with me. just a Ghost cloaked in lies with a broken spine. i fell apart and took my mind With me. just an unrecognizable creature caught under an avalanche I fell apart and took my mind with me. my presence unnerving. im a Shadow always lurking. surrounded by death. even the towel rack Reminds me of the handles pallbearers grip tightly on the way out of Church. what they use to lift you up into the back of that hearse. i see A woman tighten grip on her purse. can’t be offended. she doesnt Know my intentions. she imagines the worse. around here. the Conditions severe. around here. you tightrope between detachment And fear. between the shattered fragments of existence that collapse And appear. never changes. just exacerbates depression deeper year And year. pain weaving in. pain weaving out. heartworms. sharpturns Sparsewords. scarsburns. i spent a long time dying. dont wake me up Yet. public executions. you’ll never see me upset. forcefed myself with Blow but now i settle for sedatives. no longer in the street. i belong in The crevices. positively negative. popular ive never been. hard to be a Person when you lack the mental requistes. emotionally deficit Consumed with all the wretchedness. not optimist or pessimist. my Politics are in exodus. spouting countless fountains out while drowning In the brine. my lifes the foulest algorithm science can't define. they Trap you in these systems that are phallic in design. because they fuck You in the mind. boy. they fuck you all the time. i fell apart and took My mind with me. being strung up at the ligaments with cultural Derivatives. i fell apart and took my mind with me. pronounced dead By a nemesis. a doubt without a benefit. i fell apart and took my mind with Me. just a cluster of atoms thrust deep in a chasm. i feel apart and now Your mind is with me. smoke in your eyes. the worlds a joke in disguise

Funny how the hours stretch and melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Everything is very temporary except decisions Just a navigation of this future I envisioned Humoring these people that too stupid to be living An arbitrary figment A movement that I never was Obvious when people seem different than the rest of us Or think less of us Only hoes I care about Pumping in the pipe fumes Car running, windows up Hoping I'll die soon Night time Eyes dilate bigger than bike tubes That's the reason that I stay up past the sunset "I liked your record! Where's the new one? Is it done yet?" Problems that I run from impossible to sublet You don’t want them either There's a fever in the subtext Boiled all the mercury I questioned what it's worth to me Hard liquor fire breath Slurred dialect In the mist like Bix Beiderbecke With overdose side effects Probably take a Prilosec and try to get some rest Cut the Midas fingers off and never sign a check "What about your future?" I-D-G-A-F World so cold I can see they breath Feeling like distance is a bitch to express Pissing upstream when your dick is erect Or when you're picking up steam and get a fist in the chest

I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place

Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory

Back when I was 15 it seemed Ugly was untouchable What, they gonna throw me in the juvy for a month or two? Try me, I still ain't doin' nothing that you want me to Cuttin' and disrupting every classroom discussion Cussin' out my mom, puffin' blunts, gettin' dusted Overwhelmed with distrust in everything that I wasn't Things I know now (I guess I felt 'em back then): Power and control reflect fear among men The shit that they condemn you can see amongst them So I never ever ever want to be amongst them See a landscape littered with the blisters of potential People letting ghosts govern most of they mental The opposite adults your folks hope you'd resemble Doomed from the get like a goat in the temple Hard to not dwell among fear Knowing that the court treat crime so severe But I'm blowin' smoke out the window being so cavalier Sh-shakin' up the bottle when I open the beer Only obligation is to prosper in my operations Money motivations stay gaudy ostentatious Ain't even a challenge cuz the rap game basic I ain't heard talent since ["Incarcerated Scarfaces" Sample] Face it, it's fact not assumption Rap sound like shit like "ship" with the fronts in Hate getting lumped in, giant next to munchkins Catch me on the other side wildin' in the dungeon

You got sativa, ignite it World stiff as arthritis Dreaming about a crisis, all I fucking hear is sirens Climates turn to ice and your life turn to lifeless Sitting on my throne, I'm alone in the silence First hit the wax then you exhale the vapor Economies collapse and your stack just some paper Running round a maze while they laugh in your faces Rather burn down the city get me fucking 50 acres Slugs are just snails without shells The perception: evolution fucked them over and failed But they survive without protection in this jungle they dwell With giants throwing salt on all their people Can't consider them frail Spit vinegar in sour times Live under the power lines I'm just a bag of tumors full of alkaline All you do is carve them out and sew up any abscess Go about your business, keep your distance from the dragnets Backseat driving, passenger traveling Bumming a ride in my own brain Pointless meandering, using the vanity mirror to break up the cocaine Loitering, lost in a memory somewhere between a first kiss and a dope vein Nursing myself as an infant and in the same instant I'm shackled and cuffed and restrained How does this fucking pertain to anything other than coping with pain? All of the time I spent hoping to change Just an obsession with stoking the flames Haunted, something hovers over me I feels its breath The skeletal projection of accumulated stress

That could be our teenager, that could be our kid doing that. How could that possibly happen?

I got bad news Nothing really changes We just wander aimless Friends turn into strangers Chalk up my exchanges and discard the conversations As just carcasses for vultures in decomposition stages Endless entertainment for these culture commentators Stylish innovators that just vanish minutes later Say "his style is very painterly" But painting's not an art Art is tricking you with statements that the painter's painting art Without an explanation, it's just pretty little marks The market sold imagination just to keep you in the dark Like you bitches need a cosign to rock a fashion Like you can't see a bigger picture without a caption Until some critic go and write it out A long winded trite amount of words That you can slide around some websites and fight about Meaning's what your life's without Surf until you're wiping out Conservation activist You're living with your lights out

What's it all mean? What's he saying when he says it? What's the underlying topic? What's the motive in his message? But what if he was bored and there was no between the lines It was a way to pass the time, he liked the way it rhymed What if he was bored and there was no between the lines It was a way to pass the time, he liked the way it rhymed

What's it all mean? What's he saying when he says it? What's the underlying topic? What's the motive in his message?

You know what the rattling pieces are in this, don't you? Some little pieces of buffalo chicken

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