#im fine im mostly lighthearted about this and embarrassed if anything.

[calebfm]

❝ i’m just saying — there’s no way someone can keep up with a schedule like that and not be popping something ❞ CALEB GARDNER, who resembles JORDAN FISHER and is the SOCIAL CHAIR of BETA TAU RHO , is TWENTY-TWO years old and responds to HE / HIM .𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘳𝘢 ; 𝘴𝘩𝘦/𝘩𝘦𝘳

hello hello one and all, tis mira coming to you unfashionably late from the gmt+1 timezone 🌻 i overuse emojis & underuse my common sense and that’s all you need to know about me tbh ... so let’s move right along to telling you about my boy caleb !

so cal is a lil’ type A monster, between classes, basketball, his various jobs & his frat position it’s a miracle he gets 6-8 hours of sleep every night ( actually that’s a lie, he often doesn’t )

which is partially just who he is as a person, but also comes from having major imposter syndrome :/ he comes from a family who struggled to make ends meet + as the youngest kid of his family with four older brothers it was easy for him to fade into the background and not really get much attention or praise . ( he has a very loving family though, he was just a bit of a shy kid and his parents didn’t really have the time to make him come out of his shell ) all of this to say, when he got the acceptance letter + full ride to this fancy school it was all a bit overwhelming & he still has a hard time believing the administration didn’t make a mistake . he often feels super out of place & has even talked to his guidance counselor about dropping out a few times, but in his heart he knows that it would be a dumb decision and he’s nothing if not rational

he studies finance which is about as exciting as it sounds ( sorry to the finance nerds out there, couldn’t be me but i respect it ), he picked it to have job security more than anything else . he’s not a straight A student by any means but he does as well as could be expected from someone who has very little time to study

he loves photography ! he started a lil’ side gig for event photography his first year at kingshill which got pretty big through word of mouth, so he’s often in the shadows at the parties and events his classmate’s parents throw to take pics ( but when he practices it as a hobby he mostly just walks around in nature a lot and takes pics there, those are the rare quiet moments in his life )

some more about his personality: he’s a lil’ more on the introverted side, a great listener though & just a very warm kind of guy all around. the type of guy that rarely starts a conversation first, but once you get to talking you end up having a weirdly deep conversation even though you barely know the dude

also usually puts other’s needs in front of his own and has a hard time saying no to things, even if they’re a major inconvenience

however ! holding his own in a big family with annoying & loud older brothers has made it pretty easy for him to fake a more extroverted personality . people often have a hard time believing that the quiet kid diligently taking notes in their stats course & the frat guy handing out shots and smooth talking people into staying a bit longer at the biggest party of the year are the same person

which is to say that he’s a super effective social chair tbh … since he’s able to keep up with both the boring administration & organization side of things, but he can also liven up a party that’s growing stale

the constant social interaction required of him in his role ( together with his busy ass schedule ) definitely takes a toll though & you’ll often find him hiding out in quiet corners at parties to take a breather or napping in weird places during the day

hmm those are the most important things for now i think, my wanted tag is here but it’s super bare bones atm so i’m mostly putting it here for future reference ! i want so so many plots but a few i’d kill for:

a dumb lil’ social chair rivalry about who throws the best parties where they outdo each other in more and more ridiculous ways every time & try to sabotage each other, can be serious if your muse is very competitive, but most likely it’d just be lighthearted dumbassery

exes... good terms or bad terms, cal honestly doesn’t have a whole lot of them since he doesn’t prioritize romantic relationships in his life at all (*cal vc* i can squeeze in a movie night from 9-11 on thursday in three weeks, does that work?), maybe the two had different expectations of how serious it’d be?

on that note, caleb always thought he was straight but has tentatively started to experiment in college, so uh . cute boys hit him up 😌

someone who met him at party while he was drunk & in some kind of a rare bad mood, he was rude to them and/or embarrassed them in some public way, because of this bad first impression they think he’s the stereotypical obnoxious frat dude & want nothing to do with him . he’s usually more than fine with people leaving him alone but this is about the principle of the thing, y’know? so he’s determined to prove them wrong & does nice things for them to get them to like him, because caleb realizing that some people just don’t like you is simply unrealistic

rich kid who is condescending & rude since they found out cal is here on scholarship (either they’re just anti poor people or there’s a deeper reason for their dislike) … all i want is for some punches to be thrown 🙏

drinking buddies who can only stand to be around each other when they’re intoxicated

a sorority girl who he has a mutual agreement with that they’re other’s +1 at frat/srat functions, it’s probably all platonic but they have a good time & it stops randos from hitting on them

and so so much more ! i have a lot of ideas but i mostly just like making my plots personal to the characters themselves, so let’s vibe & figure something out together

i’m not gonna ask y’all to like this to plot because i am the Worst Person ™ and i will forget to check the notes, so please just im me or hit me up on discord if you wanna plot 🥺 and if you’re shy don’t worry, i’ll come bother you soon enough 💖 that would be all, thank you for reading !

#✧ / out of character . #i've been loving using small gifs lately but i might succumb to peer pressure and switch to icons #time will tell #kingshill.intro

[starflyfarm]

(hmgh the inbox is empty n im kinda bored so have sum incoherent thoughts n ideas abt lou under the cut)

(i think ive mentioned a few times tht lou likes singing but that is admittedly an understatement. he loves singing. he hears a song he knos the lyrics to and he feels incredibly compelled to sing tho his lack of confidence stops him in public spaces. u may hear a bit of humming when no ones paying attention to him tho)

(going off that there are certain kindsa songs he likes singing more than others, think its been mentioned that he likes higher energy music generally speaking so naturally thats the kinda music he likes to sing to but he REALLY likes songs he can just belt to it feels so satisfying to him. he is surprisingly good at adele songs)

(he cannot sing really rough throaty songs to save his life tho like just thinkin abt it makes his throat hurt. he likes a fair bit of metal and screamo n stuff but his voice is just too smooth to sing it. smooth but lightly textured. like vanilla icecream w the lil vanilla beans n stuff still in it. hes also not very good at whistling)

(hes mostly a tenor but he does have a pretty decent range and his falsetto is p decent tho it does hurt his throat)

(its also been mentioned that hes alright at guitar but i like 2 thnk inbetween whatever actual lessons he took the very first songs he taught himself were probably sum very embarrassing sappy little love songs w simple chords. u kno how it is when ur a repressed gay teenager)

(idk how any of yall read his voice but generally he talks kinda quietly, very much not a very loud or present person, which is good for not getting caught committing crimes but not very good for socializing as he has discovered.)

(his semi soft voice is decently reflective of his physical characteristics too, i think i mentioned like once that his hair is very thick and soft, but his skin is also p soft with the exception of some scars here and there)

(speaking of his more notable scars are a burn scar on his right forearm from when he was really young, no one remembers exactly how he got it but it had something to do with a kitchen accident, and sum cut scars on his left shoulder from shortly after he’d moved out of his mom’s house. he also has various minor scars on his hands and wrists from handling/playing with cats and getting into the occasional knife fight back in the city as well as a very small scar on his upper lip from a time a dog bit his face when he was young)

(u might not guess it but he is incredibly clumsy and does not have the best spatial awareness when it comes to like. objects. he does fine not crashing into people but hes probably bumped into a lamp post at least once)

(idk if its ever come across but he also does lots of hand gestures when hes talking. snapping his fingers or shaking his hands when hes tryna think trying to illustrate what hes talking about with vague motions. he does a lot of shit w his hands in general, tapping fingers on surfaces drumming his hands on his legs, doin peace signs n finger guns and playing with his fingers/clothes mindlessly)

(hes also the kinda person who has an idle animation™ when hes not distracted by talking to someone or just paying attention to something he’ll probably rock back n forth on his feet or bobbing up and down probably to the rhythm of a song stuck in his head or something, speaking of songs, again, humming is a thing he does too)

(if u read the previous 2 points and thought “that sounds like stimming” ur exactly right)

(he stumbles over his words a bunch when hes excited, even if hes trying to keep his cool stumbling and stuttering are some of the most tell tale signs of him being excited tho it also happens when hes anxious or flustered. id say it applies to strong emotions in general but it absolutely does not apply to stuff like when hes real angry or sad)

(when hes real angry or sad his speech tends to actually be much more concise, he’ll speak slower and take time to really consider his words. when he’s angry both his expression and the words he chooses have the potential to cut like a hot knife thru soft butter, and when he’s sad hes more considering his words to try and keep from bringing the person hes talking to down)

(ive drawn him with a sketchbook a couple times but he probably has a journal with some writing in it too, nothing serious just thoughts he has sometimes phrased with flowery words but its not like. super amazing poetry or anything. hes no elliott)

(speaking of sketchbooks he absolutely draws his friends from time to time. hes incredibly embarrassed by it and hed never show anyone but he does it. a lot of his doodles are accompanied by lil thoughts and comments he has while makin em)

(back when he worked for joja i like to think he was like a phone operator for like. the joja help line or smth which is an oxymoron and he probably spent most of his work day getting yelled at by ppl over the phone. he does not like talking on the phone. much prefers texting)

(idk how clear ive made it on the blog but he absolutely hates morris. morris is probably the only person in town who hes like physically threatened. morris has thusly elected to avoid fucking with him as much as physically possible)

(i think its been mentioned he carries some kinda pocket knife on him at all times but he also likes to carry one a those novelty combs that looks n acts like a switchblade but its not. mostly just to fuck w ppl. pull out what looks like a switchblade then open it and hah uve been fooled it was a comb all along)

(speaking of combs bcus his hair is thick and wavy as mentioned before hes gotta take real good care of it or it gets. Unmanageable. when he was a teenager he didnt take care of it for a while n it got so long and tangled it broke like 2 combs it was awful)

(that in mind he is prone to getting wicked bed head. catch him when he first wakes up and its like a rat king was planted on his head)

(also did i mention he has several knives? pocket knives switchblades hes probably got a decorative dagger in a box somewhere, and ofc his monster fighting sword. he probably has a pair of brass knuckles somewhere too)

(its defintiely been hinted at more than a few times but lou is a huge foodie. he is always hungry and loves food but he cant stand mint or bitter tastes sometimes he has a hard time w sour stuff too. he likes spicy and savory/umami/w/e foods best, and while he does have a decent sweet tooth he can make himself sick off sugary stuff pretty easy especially w really dense sweets like fudgy brownies n shit)

(the reason hes not so good w mint and bitter things is cus his senses r very keen and bitter and mint are very unpleasant to his mouth and nose. theyre intense and stick around much longer than theyre welcome and it just feels bad ykno. this in mind he could not explain to u why he likes spicy stuff as much as he does)

(hes also really sensitive to like actual temperatures, especially heat. if it gets too hot and humid it can make him real nauseous n give him a migraine, hes better in the cold but even then it makes him really sneezy n sniffly. this is moderately ironic considering the previous point)

(jhjh im gonan stop here bcus this is getting super long but this is absolutely not all the stuff ive thought of. its mostly just the more lighthearted n mundane stuff that i could remember off the top of my head lmao)

#ooc #not asks #sdv oc #(this is incredibtyl random n probabyl incoherent but w/e) #(its MY blog and I get to choose the content hfjghjd)

[sapphicdalliances]

Dear Chocolatier,

thank you so much for being here!! my sincere apologies for the lateness and messiness of this letter! sorry about my incredibly inconsistent capitalisation! it has been updated on the 9th of january.

I’m a simple bitch with simple tastes; here is a general summary of my preferences, and fandom-specific notes and prompts can be found further down!

I very much enjoy:

Fics that are short, but imply a longer, deeper verse; since this exchange is for short fics, but some of my prompts seem expansive, I just want to give you carte blanche permission to dip into an AU, splash around in it, and simply not provide additional details.

Comedic tones, slice-of-life, lighthearted fun, any amount of improbable romcom tropes

Am also on board with misunderstandings and drama as long as there is a happy ending!

I’m deeply okay with AUs, and most likely would be down for any modern, romcom, fantasy/fairytale, gender swap, or remix/crossover AUs you feel inspired to explore! My favourite settings include mundane/urban fantasy (witches! werewolves!), anachronism-stew-with-magic western fantasy jumbles, and disney’s Tangled.

Writing tropes I love:

Proposal fic

Wedding fic where the couple getting married is not the main couple

Outsider/third character POV of the main couple

Exes who are still in love/getting back together

Friends-with-benefits-with-feelings/did a bad job keeping it casual

Shipfic where two or more couples are contrasted

Oblique declarations of love/saying i love you without saying i love you

Provision and caretaking (acts of service!)

Aggressive matchmaking/wingmanning by an enthused friend

Hanahaki, or any other improbably dramatic instances of Cannot Spit It Out

Arranged marriage/fake marriage/fake dating

Epistolary fic

Regrettably I also love a/b/o, especially the kind that emphasises on scent safety and contains little to no actual sex

Art tropes I love, if you offered art:

Art where the characters look kind and fond

Fashion remixes – street fashion, cultural/traditional clothes, festival clothes, renfaire-esque clothes, beach photoshoot, get wild with it

Putting animal characteristics on one or both of them

Botanical motifs + celestial motifs

When plants grow directly out of people

The thing where character A is focused on something they’re doing or seeing, and the character B is focused only, wholly, desperately on A. please… the Gaze

Depictions of intimacy where faces are partially or fully hidden, but the body language is gentle

Characters SLEEPING next to each other, or comfortably doing separate activities in each other’s presence

If you wish to get frisky with your fills:

Yes!

Go for it!

I don’t have strong top/bottom preferences (and enjoy it when they switch or are otherwise generally equitable) so whatever you’re in the mood for is fine!

Kink tropes I very much enjoy include oral, restraints, praise kink, when proud characters cry during sex because they love their partners so much, and xeno tropes.

I love non-horny sex scenes; comedic, silly, charged, fraught, or simply affectionate exchanges that happen to include sex are my favourite. Feelings are the real kissing disease.

But like, if you wanna get horny about it.

Chase your bliss.

They simply must be in love.

I’m not as into:

Kidfic

First person narration

Soulmate AUs specifically

Kink wise, my only major squicks are incest, teacher/student, and public sex/getting caught, but i’m also not super keen on daddy kink, blood/piss/etc, or anything with blades or needles.

In general, please avoid:

Character death or serious/permanent injury

Animal abuse or death

Infidelity

Hopeless or downer endings

Fandom specific info:

Wotakoi

I love that this series has three couples in different stages of a relationship: one who’ve been together for years and love each other like well-worn grooves; one who have history but have only just recently begun a relationship and are discovering each other anew; and one who probably will not bring themselves to share a kiss for another 27 calendar years.

Narumi/Hirotaka: Honestly, the main couple of a series usually goes over my head a bit, but the more i thought about these two the more wretchedly fond of them I became. The thing I think of the most is how Narumi taught him how to smile as a child; how she did things that meant nothing to her, so easily does kindness come, but that meant so much to him; and how now that they are grown, he does things for her that take no effort, but shake her foundations. I think theirs is a love that grows quietly; something that cannot change the world, but can change them.

Koyanagi/Kabakura: My thoughts on these two are not complex, but they are deeply positive. I love how huge their personalities are, and how they fit around and against each other; I love the implication that despite their endless bickering, they are not an on-again-off-again kind of relationship, and have instead chosen each other over and over again for ten straight years. I love that despite everything, they are kind to each other, first and foremost; they find ways to apologise and to take care of each other, and treat each other gently in private.

Kou/Naoya: I love every ship in this manga equally but perhaps I love Kou/Naoya more equally than the other two? They are just so kind and so silly, and so sweet to each other in exactly the way both of them didn’t realise they were missing. I think about Naoya being told that Kou is “okay with being alone”, and realising that “okay with it” and “have accepted it” are different, and taking his little baby steps to fix it. I think about Kou giving Naoya every last drop of patience he’s trained himself not to accept, and doing so because it simply makes her happy. My only concern is that they are both bottoms. I don’t have a solution for this.

suggested prompts, fic:

- accidentally dating ft. Kou and Naoya, or, “and you’ve made out how many times now? Hmm. Yeah, that’s not technically a bromance.” - 5 times Hirotaka and Narumi almost, almost kissed, and 1 time they did; the unresolved romantic tension may kill me and it would be worth it - what Hirotaka and Narumi taught each other (apart from the more mundane gaming and life skills, i believe that she taught him how to smile and be loved by others, and he taught her how to be loved by herself!) - smutty domesticity ft. Koyanagi and Kabakura — a lazy Sunday, laundry in the sun, fucking on the couch, everything easy with familiarity - (addendum to above: pegging)

suggested prompts, art: - festival clothes - someone's getting married - naoya: *hands kou a tangerine* *hands kou a tangerine* *hands kou a tangerine* *hands kou a tangerine* *hands kou a t - red string of fate motifs

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

Nezha (2019)

So, wow, Nezha and Aobing are in love maybe? It drives me nuts to think about these two extremely powerful and extremely lonely boys finding each other by happenstance and instantly giving to each other something they’ve never had before. Sometimes you live most of your life without the presence of the other half of your literal soul and when you find him it’s like discovering true happiness for the first time, and that’s valid? Some people brazenly sacrifice themselves for the chance to spend a last moment with their soulmate to cope??

suggested prompts: - modern AU: delinquent Nezha and prim, proper exchange student Aobing - modern AU addendum: nobody believes Nezha when he says he’s got a hot boyfriend in Taiwan and thinks that he has made Aobing up - pwp with xeno tropes? yeah

suggested prompts, art: - lesbians AU. lesbians AU. AU where they are lesbians now. - mer aobing. mer aobing. AU where aobing is a mer-dragon now - KISSING - pwp with xeno tropes, again

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

Otoyomegatari

im skipping this section for now because i checked and im literally the only one who offered it. you’re not here to feed me otoyomegatari, and that’s fine.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

i haven’t, uh, played this game? and i have not, in fact, watched anyone else play this game. but really, i don’t know that fire emblem is a thing you understand with your mind so much as it is a thing you feel with your soul. and i feel that ferdinand and hubert are in love.

fandom specific DNW: i am not a huge fan of how the game handled its fantasy racism, so if you could sort of avoid that whole situation, that’d be great. literally would love an AU where ingrid and hilda aren’t racist.

Ferdinand/Hubert: THEY LIKE EACH OTHER SO MUCH AND IT’S SO VERY EMBARRASSING FOR BOTH OF THEM, just terrible, i can barely bring myself to look upon it. An important part of their rls to me is that they both have other things they value far more than each other, on an intrinsic, instinctive level; it does not make them love each other less, just differently. They are both so very dramatic in different, equally stupid, ways. ferdinand has one dimple in his right cheek, emits UV rays when he smiles, and loves horses and singing. hubert is sexy but in a way mostly reminiscent of the empty shed skin of a venomous spider. together, they fight classism

Dimitri/Dedue: like this

Dimitri: I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you Dedue: I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for YOU [5 years of soulful gazes and dimitri making increasingly drastic and ineffectual attempts at seduction]

Hilda/Claude + Hilda/Claude/Lorenz: the sex is good. the statecraft? even better. i love trios where all 3 characters love each other equally.

suggested prompts: - ferdinand and hubert making bare skin-on-hair contact and immediately bursting into flame - dedue: your highness, let me teach you how to garden. dimitri, internally: oh, to be a speck of wet soil clinging to the warm, calloused skin of dedue's hands! - gee claude, how come your mum lets you have TWO tops? - hilda, strapping it on: urgh you're making me WORK

suggested prompts, art-specific: - outfit swaps ALWAYS fun - modern AUs also always fun - horse

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

Haikyuu!!

changed my life, cured my depression, what can be said about it? fwiw i am completely caught up with the manga and indeed to remain caught up for the duration of this exchange so nws about spoilers; of course i am also happy if you want to play around earlier in the timeline!

suggested prompts: - kagehina or iwaoi dealing with LDR - kyouhaba are forced to cooperate on an innocuous, preferably wholesome task, such as gardening, or finding the owner of a lost dog, and it goes, As One Would Expect - bokukuroo + overheard phone conversation: and you've slept together how many times now? hmm. yeah, that's not technically a bromance (not in a no-homo way, just in a we-are-both-so-stupid-and-like-each-other-so-much-way) - actually that overheard phone conversation would work for any of these ships

suggested prompts, art-specific: - put some wings on some of them. now it's bird romance, which is for birds - (i lied, this isn't art-specific at all, wingfic is always welcome in any of its forms) - just pick up your whole boyfriend and carry him like that. give the smooch.

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

Ace Attorney

i laughed for 2 straight minutes about there being no klapollo in the noms but this is fine, narumitsu is good. a thing I think about a lot re: narumitsu is that they are one of those love stories where, like, yes they’re in love. that’s not the problem. no matter what conflicts arise, or for what reasons they cannot be together, the fact that they are in love, and choose to remain in love, is never even doubted. i just really want to assert that i do not personally believe that miles nor phoenix have ever done anything on purpose in their lives except continue to be in love with each other.

suggested prompts:

- proposal fic - wedding fic - attending-a-wedding fic (gumshoe & maggey, before they're married? apollo and klavier, after they're married? franziska and adrian? not terribly picky on the background couple here!) - wedding night fic and they're both 35 so just, honestly, the back pain - honeymoon fic - also anything from when they were little, standalone or in conjunction with/comparison to their adult lives!

suggested prompts, art-specific: - so what if phoenix is a liddol hedgehog and miles is a cat in a cravat. just a thought.

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-Kun

seowaka: they are idiots, and they like each other very much, but they do not know. i love a tall crying boy and his short but much more powerful girlfriend.

chiyo/nozaki + chiyo/nozaki/mikorin: im rooting for her in the face of such overwhelming stupidity. one himbo is difficult enough to seduce but two. chiyo is a hero and a woman of rare courage. i like the pair and the trio equally; again, if you go with trio, it’s important that they all love each other please!

suggested prompts: - 5 times any of these ships went on a date without realising, and the time they realised - urban fantasy AU where Waka is a hapless monster hunter and Seo is an annoying but deeply harmless werewolf who’s been terrorizing his town?? - fairytale AU where Seo believes she must rescue the prince from the tower and deliver him back to the kingdom capital, and the prince, who had not realised he’d been kidnapped, thinks Seo is a usurper from a rival kingdom who must be supervised all the way back to the kingdom capital to be served her justice

suggested prompts, art-specific: - festival clothes… - nozaki carrying chiyo, who's carrying mikorin - (seo carrying waka) - waka sleeping peacefully in seo's presence… :'(

Or please do remix it with any of my general tropes listed above!

we made it through all the fandoms.

Thank you for making it to the end of this whole disaster; I hope at least one of the prompts sparked joy! The most important thing to me is that whatever you end up doing, you are able to enjoy the process at least somewhat, and deliver a creation that you like! I can also be found on twitter at @hawberries_ (for art) and @popplioikawa (for general ramblings). If you need some more inspo, I recommend going through my art tags for the selected ships because I put a lot of Opinions into my fanart.

#shit fuck im SO sorry i had to finish a DEADLINE #shut up phee #chocbox

[arcannathedraconequus-blog]

Captain Underpants Fanfic: Melvin and Professor Poopypants. Ch1

A few days after their defeat by the two boys and Captain Underpants, the still shrunk Professor Poopypants seeks out Melvin and asks him for help getting back on his feet. This sort of thing really didn't belong on my other blog, so im just gonna stash it here. I’m gonna try and change the title should i think of something more clever. so if you’ve got any ideas for that, then let me know.

  Melvin sat alone in his bedroom, the room dim save for the light of the sunset coming through the window and a single lamp that illuminated his cluttered, but neatly organized desk. He held his head in one hand, while the other was tapping a pencil against the table as he contemplated a collection of blueprints for a new invention of his. Thanks to the school being temporarily shut down due to… recent events having left the entire elementary school building tipped on its side; for once he was without homework to do, and could spend all his time working on some new inventions. Which of course deeply upset the school obsessed nerd, who as you could see when he walked over to his science-themed wall calendar and longingly looked at a marked off date further down, was literally counting down the days until school would resume, with the calendar also showing that the word ‘Poopageddon’ had been marked on the calendar, but had been crossed out aggressively in comparison to the clean red x’s he used to mark the passing of a day. And picking up the red pen hanging on a string from the wall, he made another red x on the paper, marking this as the third day since Professor Poopypants’s failed attempt to rid the world of laughter, before he returned to his desk to continue working. He started adding a few notes to the blueprint, when he heard a small tapping sound. Startled slightly, he looks back and forth for the source, and hearing it again, he’s able to zero in on the sound, finding that it was coming from his window. Intrigued, he slides out of his chair and heads over to investigate, where he sees a bumble bee repeatedly head-butting the window, which stops and hovers in place as it sees Melvin approach the window, giving Melvin a chance to lean in and squint at it, getting a good look at its passenger, a tiny man wearing a purple suit and a villainous smile, who waved at the boy and said a dubiously cheerful “Helloo Melvin” “Professor P?” He replies in bewilderment, opening his window and allowing the bug and tiny man riding it to fly in, making a crooked looping path around the room before coming in for a landing on the desk, and Melvin, with an expression of childlike wonder on his face, watching them go before trotting over and crouching at the edge of the table so he could watch the tiny man gracefully dismount his bumble bee at eye level, his smile getting wider as the tiny Poopypants walked up to him. “You’re so tiny professor!” “Yes yes, thank you for pointing out zhe obvious Melvin” he says sarcastically, brushing pollen off his sleeves before standing up straight with a clap of his hands and a click of his heels “Now, vhere can we find your laboratory?” “Well… I mostly just use the garage, but mom and dad have some more advanced stuff in the basement.” “Good! The more advanced the better, we need..” He’s interrupted as he sees the incoming giant hand from the grinning Melvin, clearly looking to poke the tiny professor, and freaked out a little bit with a “Vhat? What are you doing! Don’t poke me!” Arms flailing angrily to try and smack away the finger, which recoiled away, but the shouting, noise, and giant hand had spooked the Bumble bee, which took off to the shout of “NO NO NO NO NOOO!!” From Poopypants, as the bee looped around a few times before flying right back out the open window, warning a facepalm from the tiny professor, his face turning red and teeth clenching before he snapps at Melvin “UrrrggggGGGG, NOW LOOK WHAT YOU DID!” though his anger is short lived as his tone quickly changes  to one more of misery and defeat “It’ll take me forever to catch another one of those to fly around on.” His sighs, letting out a short “Fine, fine, didn’t need it now anyway.” To calm himself down before his attention shoots up again as he looks up at Melvin, who was nervously rubbing the hand he had tried to poke Professor Poopypants with, and aggressively walks towards him, rubbing his hands together and saying. “Alright Melvin, There is no time to lose,” Coming to a stop at the edge of the table and pointing up at Melvin “Now show me around your house so I can get a feeling of what we’re working with here.” There’s a pause as Melvin collects his thoughts, before his face turns from an expression of nervousness to a judgmental look of skepticism as he leans back and crosses his arms. “Why should I?” “What?” Poopypants responds, taken aback with surprise “Why are you suddenly asking why? I thought we had a good thing going here. I talk about extra credit.. you do whatever I sayyyy… And besides! I let you tag along for the poopageddon! You think just any adult would let a fourth grader participate in that? We brainwashed a school into having no sense of humor and fought a superhero in a giant fighting robo-toilet for sciences sake! How is zhat not the coolest thing you have ever done in your adolescent life! You should owe me for at least zhis one last thing.” “Ummmm, in case you hadn’t noticed?...You aren’t a teacher anymore, so you can’t exactly give extra credit.” Melvin replies before he starts to pace back and forth a bit, still keeping his arrogant tone. “And not only that, but it turns out the extra credit you were supposed to give me for helping with your plan never went through. Believe me, I checked multiple times. So if anything, it is you, who owes me.” “Oh right, I forgot I can’t bribe the little suck up with extra credit anymore.” Poopypants angrily muttered to himself under his breath before responding to Melvin with “Fine, so I can’t give any extra credit, but you at least had to admit you had fun helping me out with my Villainous schemes right? ” “Yeah about that. You know this whole supervillain thing you’ve been doing? Having had some time to think about it…” He starts counting on his fingers as he lists his gripes, “We did kind of wreck the school, you had me skip over half a day of class without making up for it with my grades, we disrupted the other classes that day,  we got the police involved who are still out there looking for the perpetrators, and we… ” but he’s interrupted by Poopypants shout of “Uuuuuggh, Melvin get a life outside of school why don’t you!” He replies as he sits down sassily on the edge of the table, thoroughly unimpressed with Melvin’s whining. And honestly, JUST WHAT did you EXPECT to happen with my whole ‘Supervillain thing’” (doing finger quotes for supervillain thing) “We literally made a giant robot attack toilet to fight people with! And I explained to you many times about my plans to bring about a new world order! I mean, the whole thing was literally spelled out for you in a comic book even! Which I know for a fact you read multiple times!!  I could not have been more clear of my intentions.” Melvins confidence faltering, he looks at his shoe’s and fidgets. “Yeah, but I didn’t think it would get the police involved… although that does seem pretty obvious in retrospect….” “Yeah, and who’s fault is it for not picking up on the obvious?” the professors tone still dismissive and sarcastic “Mine I guess…but that still means…..It means I broke the rules! I was complicit in criminal activities for personal gain!!! I’m no better than those troublemakers George and Harold!!! I’m gonna be in so much trouble!!” Panic rising in Melvins voice as he starts clutching his head and hyperventilating, prompting Poopypants to hop up from his sitting position, waving his arms to get his attention “Whoah, whooah there Melvin”   Moving closer and leaning out to reach him from the table, the tiny professor pats Melvin on the elbow awkwardly “Hey, nobody’s getting in trouble.” The attempt at comforting having turned his panic more into holding back tears “But,*sniff* we have to turn ourselves in don’t we?” “No we don’t.” Poopypants says with a cheerful smile “*sniff*We don’t?” “Pfft, nooooo. I mean sure, maybe if we’d been a bit more successful with zha poopageddon, Maybe I’d be fine taking more credit for it. Although considering the plan was foiled by 2 fourth graders and a giant baby man in a cape…” “You mean Captain Underpants?” “Yhah Yhah. That was just embarrassing,” A bit of a chuckle in his voice, before his tone turned deadly serious “An embarrassment they’ll pay for…” Before returning to his lighthearted tone with an awkward laugh of “Who in their right mind would want to take credit for that? Really, vee should probably just cut our losses for now and call it a test run of de humor disabling technology. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t go telling the whole world every time something goes wrong while I’m testing out one of my inventions, do you?” Poopypants quickly looks at the table around him, and picks up one of the blueprints, waving it around “Like this one, vhat if it blew up in your face while you vere testing it? Would you stop everything? Go and whine to mommy and daddy that you made a mistake and then give up on it?” “No?” He responds questioningly, though looking away and fidgeting with the hem of his sweater vest, he continues glumly “...No, mother and father made it clear I shouldn’t bother them with stuff like that…” “Exactly! Because that’s what us vengeful science types do! You don’t give up and turn yourself in, you just suck it up, clean up the mess, and keep going! Because stopping everything to go tell people about it would just waste time better spent making amazing world changing inventions! ” “*sniff*I guess that’s true.” Melvin replies, wiping tears from his eyes with a bit of a smile returning to his face. “Hahhh, see? You aren’t some wimpy quitter who lets one setback get them down! So no more of that sniveling,” His tone going from comforting to mildly threatening as he continues with “And no more talk of turning anyone in.” He puts down the blueprint and trots back to more the middle of the table, putting on a more cheerful tone with a bit of spin and jazz hands. “And heyyyy, I haven’t even told you vhy I came here looking for your help yet! Cus I’ve got something pretty cool plaaaaannned.” “Are we gonna rebuild the Turbo Toilet 2000 and try to wipe out laughter again?” “No! Welllll…. Maybe later.” “But… if you don’t need my unique brain to help run the haha-guffaw-chucklomatus disabler ray, what do you need my help for?” Poopypants looks back and forth at the contents of the table, before running to grab a blank blueprint paper and a small pencil that had been sharpened almost down to the nub, which even then still seemed large in Poopypants hand. “Here, vhy don’t I just show you” Moving quickly, he smoothed out the blank blueprint and started drawing, Melvin leaning over top of him to watch. Intrigued, but still a little sniffly. “I just need your help… building a few things… so I can get back to normal, and then, I’ll be out of your hair like it never happened.” Words sinking in, a big smile grows on Melvins face with an excited shout of “*Gasp* OH MY GOSH! YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU BUILD A NEW SIZEARATOR 2000!!!!!” He shouts, bouncing on the ball of his feet in excitement. “What! Are you crazy?” he snaps back, turning to Melvin in surprise, pausing his drawing for a moment to pace back and forth a few times “The sizearator 2000 was a masterpiece of science! It’s far too complex and delicate a machine for us to just go and build in some suburban fourth graders house! No, when I built that ray I was a scientific rockstar in my country, with a tricked out lab, the biggest scientific research grants New Swissland could provide, and like, 3 interns to help me out! Not to mention… I ALSO WASN’T STUCK BEING 3 INCHES TALL!!” Face red and steaming at that last bit, he turns away from Melvin, his anger fading about as quickly as it appeared, and his tone instead  becoming more thoughtful, taping the pencil against his chin twice in thought  before he continues drawing. “No, what you’re going to help me do is try and replicate some of my very earliest working prototypes,  vhich should give us juuuuuust enough to get me back to my normal size……. there.” With a smile, he stands up, and turns back to Melvin with a dignified pose, revealing the two blueprint drawings showing the boxy looking shrink ray and enlarging ray from the original captain underpants books, which he points to one at a time with the eraser of his nubby pencil. “One is for shrinking, the other one is for enlarging. Any questions?” Melvin leaned in, inspecting the drawings, which were a bit on the small side despite Poopypants having drawn them as large as he comfortably could, and he pointed to the image labeled as shrinking ray. “…Yeah, ummm, why should we build another shrink ray if we only need to get you back to your original size? Shouldn’t we just build the enlarging ray?” “I’ll tell you why Melvin. Because dhere is no way am I making that mistake twice!! If we vhere to only build an enlarging ray machinine, then before you know it, something would go wrong and den I’d be stuck as a giant man instead of a tiny man, which would make it even harder to build such a complex machine because I vould have giant sausage fingers. No, we are building both before we even attempt to try to resize me.” Turning back around, The Professor started expanding on the blueprints, deconstructing the ray’s and listing parts they’d need, with Melvin continuing to watch him work. “Ok Professor P…. although, I still don’t see why you need my help to build them. I mean, I’ve never even attempted anything this advanced before, and you were the one who made most of those impressive modifications to the turbo toilet 2000.” “Oh believe me Melvin.” He replies with an eye roll, but not looking up from his blueprinting. “Coming to a fourth grader for help building my signature scientific invention isn’t exactly what I’d call zhe proudest moment of my life. But being 3 inches tall makes finding anything better a real pain in the hiney!” He puts down the pencil for a moment to complain more thoroughly. “Not only do you have to constantly worry about being stepped on, or hit by a windshield, or attacked by a bird, but every little bit of distance you have to travel is like ten times as long! Like, do you have any idea how hard it is to get anywhere on a bee? You can never get them to fly in a straight line! I was getting queasy from all zhe loop-de-loops in the first 10 minutes! And zhey keep wanting to stop at every, flower, they see, it’s so annoying! And everything is so spread out. I can’t find any one place with all the materials I would need to build anything useful, and on top of that, everything is so big and heavy, even if I find what I need, I can’t transport it where it needs to go. So zhen I figure, Oh, I’ll just catch a ride to a store downtown where I can find everything I’d need for a basic robotic mech suit to even out the playing field for a while. And then, after I FINALLY managed to flag down a taxi to try give me a lift to the city, I find out, OH, apparently I can’t afford to hire a taxi, ” His face turning red  and steaming again as he takes out his wallet, grabbing a handful of cash from it “Because Cab drivers WONT ACCEPT MONEY ZHE SIZE OF CUPCAKE SPRINKES!! Furiously throwing the handful of paper money and coins, as well as his wallet, on the ground in front of him, the wallet bouncing and further spilling its contents of credit cards and coupons while the paper money fluttered softly to the ground. “In fact, NOBODY WILL!!” The tiny Poopypants was literally vibrating with anger, his hands balled into fists and his heavy breathing was through clenched teeth. Catching his breath a bit he turns to Melvin and continues to yell, though with less intensity in effort to not blame his frustrations on the boy. “For three days now I have been trapped in a 6 block radius of suburbia surrounding zhat accursed elementary school!” His head turning towards the window and pointing with one hand “Look! Look at it!” He runs across the desk, climbing a stack of books on the edge of it that’s close as he can get to the window, gesturing at it with one hand, his voice breaking and eyes turning sad as he says “This is as far as I managed to get in a full day of non-stop travel.” Before falling to his knees dramatically, clutching his face in his hands and his voice taking on a defeated tone. “And you can still see it from here.” And indeed you could. Thanks to the school having been placed on its side, it was nearly six stories tall, easily dwarfing the surrounding 2-3 story residential homes that would have normally hidden it from view in the distance. Melvins gaze turned from Professor P. to the window and back again, feeling sympathetic to the tiny man and a little bit upset with himself for having underestimated just how tough Poopypants had had it these past few days in comparison after the failure that was Poopageddon. Hesitantly, he reached a hand out to gently pat Poopypants on the back, which was very jarring for the mini man, almost knocking the glasses off his face. Spooked and quickly scrambling away and to his feet to avoid the giant hand touching him again, Poopypants tried to regain some if his composure, standing up straight with his heels together and pushing his glasses back onto his face with a finger, before saying. “Well…*ahem*” The professor clearing his throat to try and dispel some of the awkwardness. “So, vhat do you say Melvin, are we on the same page now? Can we get to work returning me to my normal size now?” “Umm, sure Professor, I mean I think so.” “EXCELENT!” With considerable speed, the energetic miniature professor quickly rolled up the blueprint he had made like it were a giant carpet and offered it to Melvin, taking the opportunity of Melvin leaning over the desk to accept the blueprint to hop onto Melvin and quickly scurry up him, startling the boy a bit though it was short lived as he quickly calmed down when The tiny professor sat down on his shoulder and said with enthusiasm. “Now, let’s go check out those laboratory’s, I wanna see what we’ve got to work with!” A somewhat evil looking grin on his face and rubbing his hands together. “Oh, I’m not supposed to leave my room during homework time.” “…….What.”

“It’s homework time, I’m not supposed to leave my room for another half an hour.” The professor sat there silently, mouth agape for a moment, then started wildly sputtering a bunch of half-finished words in shock and bewilderment, before finally being able to get out the words, “But you shouldn’t even HAVE homework! Zhe whole school is shut down!” “So?” “SO!! YOU’RE JUST SITTING AROUND IN YOUR ROOM FOR NO REASON!!” “We’ll, it’s important to keep to the schedule, and I have plenty of things to work on anyway. Didn’t your parents ever assign you a designated homework time?” “NO!!! And they certainly never made it so that I wasn’t allowed to leave my room! Like vhat if you have to go to the bathroom! ” Melvin took Poopypants  gently from his shoulder and held him out in one hand. He then leaned over and grabbed a nearby door handle with his other hand, giving it a turn and letting the door swing open. “I’ve got my own bathroom.” You could practically hear an angelic choir as the door opened, revealing a dazzlingly white and shiny full bathroom, complete with bathtub/shower. And at the opening of the door, a bunch of little fancy gizmo’s revealed themselves, nearly all of them clearly of Melvins own design, even including a soothing little ornamental fountain, just to send it over the top with fanciness and excess . Professor Poopypants stared transfixed at the sight, until Melvin reached over and closed the door shut, snapping him out of it. “…Ok, I will admit, that is a REALLY nice bathroom.” “Why thank you.” Melvin replied with pride “I have put a lot of work into it” “Yhah! you can really tell, what with that automatic tooth brusher and that little fountain, really just ties the room togeth… WAIT, NO!  We’re getting off topic! So you said there’s only 30 minutes left of…‘Homework time’…Left.” Poopypants doing an extremely annoyed set of finger quotes over the words homework time, “Vhat about after that?” “Welllll... then it’s bedtime.” Melvin stated matter of factly. “Bedtime?” He replies back, his tone the questioning disbelief of someone having their spirits crushed. Though Melvin doesn’t pick up on this. “Yeah. I’m really not supposed to leave my room until tomorrow morning.” “TOMORROW MORNING!!!!!!!” The sudden shout giving Melvin a bit of a fright as Poopypants continues shouting, “You expect us to wait until tomorrow morning!! We’ve got far too much work yet to do! We can not afford to be wasting time like this! Now show me the labs!!!!” “But I’m not supposed to…” “YES I KNOW MELVIN! YOU AREADY MENTIONED THAT! YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION! NOW GO!!! NOW!!!!! Startled by the yelling, and not being the sort of kid able to refuse a direct order by an authority figure, he panics and almost drops the professor, before being spurred on by the professors insistence like a startled horse. Grasping the excitable professor a little too tightly in his hand, which silenced him with an unpleasant “*HURK*” sound, he runs to the door, throwing it open and sprinting down the hallway, holding the tiny professor at arm’s length out in front of him in both hands as if the tiny man would somehow lead the way of the fourth grader’s frenzied sprint towards the garage.

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