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izzy-b-hands · 1 year

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Day Two: Fuckery Or Tavern

A nice, quiet date night at Spanish Jackie's, full of booze and... mostly just that, actually. And the three of them being very relaxed and silly.

Hint of Rizzy at the end, bc i couldn't help myself lol.

TW for drunkness/alcohol and emetophobia (they go a bit too hard and pay the price for it lol)

---

"What's that face for?" Stede chuckles. "Olu, are you worried about us?"

"You, yes," Olu scoffs. "With respect, the last time you went into Spanish Jackie's-"

"Things are different now! Ed said he wrote her ages ago that we'd be in the next time we got close to the Republic, and-"

"Right, you told us all about that, but that doesn't change the fact that if she has a chance to kill you, she will. Just because."

"Just because? Seems a poor reason to kill someone," Stede's nose wrinkles. "Well, then I will win her affections with this visit, and she'll never want to kill me again!"

Olu nods. "So, I told Izzy if shit goes down that we'll be ready to leave at a moment's notice. Everyone is on board with that, and they don't mind hanging close to the ship for it."

"You worry too much!" Stede pats his shoulder and gestures to his outfit. "Good? Piratey and sexy, yeah?"

"For a plain black shirt and tr-" Olu pauses. "That's Izzy's shirt. If you're wearing that, what is he-"

"We're done!" Ed makes his way out of the secret passageway, Izzy behind him. "Olu, good! Give us all a once-over before we head out for date night, make sure we look-"

"Sexy, yeah," Olu says. "Are you just going out with Izzy's vest as your top?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Ed motions to it. "Soft and comfy and worn in, and I get to show off a little. And Izzy-"

He moves aside and gently pushes Izzy forward. "As you can see, has borrowed from both of us."

The trousers are clearly Stede's (black silk and tight), the shirt one of Ed's (a black crop top), but everything else is still Izzy's, including the cravat and ring that hasn't been loosened even an inch.

"If I saw you guys in a tavern-" Olu starts, only to turn at the room door flying open.

"He'd fuck you all in a heartbeat," Jim finishes. "Come on, I need help convincing Buttons and the Swede not to host a knife catching contest."

"Did you offer to be in said contest?" Olu smiles.

"That's assistant first mate to crew confidentiality," Jim replies. "If you aren't gonna stop us, then Roach at least wants another pair of hands ready for stitching people up."

"We'll be fine," Olu says. "No one is going to be too horribly stabbed on my watch."

"My ear!" is the shout from outside that sends Olu and Jim hurrying off, and leaves the three of them to head ashore.

"Do you think Jim meant that?" Stede asks. "Not that I fancy Olu like that, would be inappropriate in the workplace-"

"He'd have to wait his turn anyway," Ed interrupts. "You look so good. Izzy's shirt, my extra trousers, which you should really wear more often-"

"They're so much work to get on! Otherwise, I might consider it," Stede sighs. "Oh no."

"Jackie," Izzy strides towards the door of the tavern. "You are not in quarantine. This lie might have worked on Jack, but that's only because he doesn't care where he drinks in the end."

Her head pops out as the door opens. "Would you shut up?! Ed and Stede will hear y-oh."

She slips all the way outside with a grimace. "Ed, Stede, hey! So, as you can see, y'all are gonna have to go elsewhere tonight-"

"Is this because of me and Jack?" Ed asks. "Because we were young, and stupid-"

"It was three years ago," Jackie interjects.

"I've learned a lot in those three years, and Jack is dead! We've all grown as people."

"If I let you in," Jackie sighs deeply. "And that is an if, you promise that fucker is under your control at all times. Or I'll cut off more than his nose."

Stede scoffs loudly. "Are you referring to me?"

"Sure as fuck ain't referring to Izzy," she says. "Worst he does is fall asleep after a few drinks."

"Come on," Izzy mutters.

"You do! It's okay, not a bad thing!"

"Is it just wine that does it? He claims it's just wine," Stede says.

"Fuck no, it's everything. Cute too, he lays his lil head down by his cup, gets all snuggly," Jackie giggles. "Shit is adorable."

"Adorable," Izzy grumbles. "Are we allowed in or not?"

"He needs the sleep, grumpy little fucker," Jackie opens the door and motions them in. "Hurry up before I change my mind."

They pile into a fairly empty tavern; the quarantine signs had been up long enough to keep most people away, apparently.

"Shots?" Ed asks.

"Already?" Izzy mutters, but he takes the offered tray of them to a table as soon as Jackie's latest barkeep hands it over.

"Can I ask what exactly happened with Jack here?" Stede murmurs as they settle into their seats at the corner table. "Or do I not want to know?"

"You've seen Jack drunk," Ed starts.

"Who hasn't," Izzy snorts under his breath.

"Iz!"

"He's right," Stede says. "But anyway."

"Anyway, he can get a bit wild, and he sort of got offended when no one would dance with him-"

"Important to know, there wasn't a band in for the night," Izzy interrupts. "There was nothing to dance to except his own version of shanties he barely remembered."

"You could have sang," Ed says. "He did ask you if you would."

"You sing?" Stede's eyes light up, and Izzy downs a shot.

"Yes. I'm not doing so here tonight, and that's that."

"So Jack got up and started dancing alone," Ed continues. "And when no one would join in he got... well..."

"He cost us the biggest sum of money I've ever spent in bribes to make something go away," Izzy scoffs. "Literally, everything we had on us and a few of the extra rings we wore that night. And I'm sure Jackie was still in the red with all the damage he did. Somehow didn't break the nose jar though."

"Because he thought it was haunted," Ed supplies before down a shot himself. "Why, I'll never know."

"Might be all the noses and the presumption that they're likely dead if they lost their nose," Stede notes. "Not that I think the soul resides in the nose or anything."

"Maybe it's in the liver," Ed giggles, and they burst out into rapidly softened laughter at Jackie's glare.

"See?" Stede grins. "She's worrying for nothing. We'll have a nice couple of hours here, drink until we're stumbling, then go back home."

"She's got the stomach for it," Stede's drink sloshes over the rim of his glass. "But Doug doesn't. He's very nice, don't get me wrong. Pretty eyes. But he could never be a pirate."

"Okay, okay, okay," Izzy says. "But I didn't think you could hack it either, and you've surprised me. Who could say that Doug couldn't do the same?"

"Who would watch the children then?" Stede protests. "They can't be alone yet, not old enough..."

"I could watch them," Ed says. "They sound like good kids."

"Alma once spent a day setting the drapes on fire to see what would happen," Stede sighs. "We only found out after the fifteenth one, because she couldn't put that one out on her own."

"Right, she's your kid, we know that already," Izzy chuckles.

"I don't like setting things on fire!"

"Dickfuck, yes you do!" Ed laughs. "You set stuff on fire all the time! The party alone, you set on fire so many guys!"

"Technically!" Stede protests. "Hm. There was the island after that. And the last four ships we raided... it's just so pretty! All the colours and the warmth of it..."

"Does the little one set fires yet?" Izzy asks.

"Louis? No, no...he..." Stede frowns. "He doesn't do much of anything yet. Follows his sister around and joins in whatever mischief she's doing. Though, it's been a bit now...he probably does have actual hobbies now, doesn't he?"

"I shouldn't have asked," Izzy pats Stede's back. "You're drunk enough to be weepy."

"You are," Stede sniffles. "Oh, they're better off without me. Good for them. Hopefully they won't burn the house down."

"A toast to not burning down houses!" Ed cheers, and the whole, now much more full, tavern raises glasses with them.

"I hope we didn't just jinx them," Stede mumbles.

"Doug may not be a pirate, but surely he can keep children from setting fires," Izzy sighs. "Are his eyes really that pretty?"

"It's insane," Ed interjects. "He's described them to me, and I'm mad I'll never look the man in the eyes myself, and I hate eye contact most of the time."

"Tell me," Izzy grins, and Stede slides onto his lap as he goes into his lecture about Doug's eyes.

"Jackie," Stede mumbles. "I love you."

"I should have told Olu to come with and drag you guys back," Jackie pats Stede's back, and gently but forcefully ends their hug. "Be safe getting back, alright? I won't be happy if I find out you dumbasses drowned trying to get to the ship."

"We're fine," Izzy says from his seat on the cobblestones. "Just a bit spinny, all of it."

"All of what?" Ed asks.

"Yeah."

"Oh god," Jackie sighs as she shuts the tavern door, and they struggle out into the night.

"I will sing for you sometime," Izzy nudges Stede as they huddle together. "If you'd like."

"I would love! Can I choose the song? Wait, no, I bet you have something you know by heart; I want to hear that!"

"Pretty man with a pretty voice," Ed coos. "Stede, pass this kiss to him, hm?"

He kisses Stede's cheek, and Stede dutifully kisses Izzy's in turn.

"What was Olu even worrying about," Stede says as he leans on Ed. "We're so good."

"So good," Ed agrees. "Can you move your feet before I vomit on them?"

He does, but only just in time.

"I told you both to eat more," Izzy sighs and switches sides, putting Ed in between himself and Stede as they help him along. "No one ever listens to me."

"Maybe if you sang it?" Ed suggests as he wipes off his mouth. "No singing tomorrow though. I can already feel the headache."

"No, tomorrow we nap and Roach will bring us water and something gentle to eat," Stede says happily. "I bet he's already got water waiting in our room."

Izzy nods. "Speaking of, we're at, the ladder is here."

He points upwards, only to gag. "Don't look up. Too much spinning, up."

"Do you maybe have vertigo?" Stede suggests as he gently pushes Ed up the ladder. "Oh, the water is deep here, hm? Nearly knocked me down. But really, based on everything I've heard, it's not anything wrong with you, with the spewing and all-"

As if on cue, Izzy vomits into the water.

"Right, that, like yes, you're drunk but also dizzy, so maybe-"

"Please get up the ladder before we drown, love," Izzy sighs.

"You've done it with that; you know I can't say no when you use pet names on me," Stede grins. "Can you help me?"

They manage to drag each other up, with Olu and Roach helping them the rest of the way with hands held out.

"You three had fun," Roach teases. "Who's gonna feel horrible tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Ed mumbles, leaning against the mast. "What time is it anyway?"

"Later than you said you'd be back by," Olu replies. "Hours later. The sun's due to be up soon, let's get you into your quarters before that happens."

"Like a vampire, but because of booze," Stede says, in the tone of someone giving an academic lecture.

"Sure," Roach motions them towards their quarters. "We're not carrying any of you, so-"

"But Izzy's dizzy," Stede says pathetically.

"I'm fine," Izzy stands from the deck, only to go pale and immediately flop back down.

"His crush on you is only gonna get worse," Ed grins as Roach helps Izzy up, letting him lean against him. "Remember Iz, Stede and I don't mind sharing now and again."

"Ignore him; he's drunk," Izzy protests, but his eyes linger on Roach's lips.

"So are you," Roach chuckles as they make their way finally into the room. "Bed, water, clean clothes for now, and tomorrow we can talk about who is sharing who with who as much as you want."

"Your eyes are even prettier than Doug's," Izzy mumbles softly.

"Is that a good thing?" Roach asks.

"It's a compliment you can't even imagine," Stede sighs and flops onto the bed. "Are there-"

"Buckets, yes," Olu interjects. "And water, and some hardtack, and extra blankets because we guessed Ed might want-"

"Blanket fort!" Ed stumbles forward, reaching for the nearest one. "We'll build and sleep in one tonight. Give me five minutes."

"I'll give you ten," Olu shakes his head. "We'll leave you three to it, and check on you in a bit, yeah?"

"Thank you for watching the ship and everyone, Olu," Stede replies. "You're the Doug of our ship: responsible and gorgeous."

"Thought you didn't fancy him like that?" Ed teases.

"I can appreciate and look without wanting to get in Jim's way," Stede huffs. "I don't think I can sit up again."

Olu bites back a giggle. "You're welcome, and thank you? I think. Please get some sleep."

His and Roach's footsteps trail out, the door gently shutting behind them.

"Ed, shall I help with the fort?" Izzy mutters, leaning against the wall where Roach left him.

But Ed is silent, snuggling on the floor with the blanket he'd grabbed, already lightly dozing.

"Stede," Izzy stumbles his way to the bed. "May I lay with you?"

"You can even be sick on me if you must," Stede pats his chest. "I'd rather you not, of course, but if you can't help it-"

They both grunt as Izzy drops onto the bed.

"Will Ed tell us when the fort is done?" Stede yawns.

Izzy nods, and snuggles up next to him. "Might be a while."

"Good things are worth being patient for. Like this."

"Like what?"

"Like us, the three of us, together," Stede continues. "And blanket forts."

Izzy nods again, already half asleep.

"Morning," Ed sighs, suddenly up again, only to crash down on Stede's free side. "I'll finish it in the morning."

"It's morning now," Stede mumbles, but he doesn't protest when Ed nuzzles against him, and there's no thought of wanting to move from where they are.

The eventual blanket fort, he decides in his last conscious moment, will be where they recover later, when they can stay awake long enough to stand.

#text post #steddyhandslongweekend #steddyhands #long post #they're fine they're just drunk enough to be Feeling It Mr. Krabs u know aksmdkfngk #aka i based it off my last horrific night of drinking where i wound up horribly sick in an Applebee's bathroom #and now I don't drink anymore aksndkakdnfkgn #anyway im tired post writing this and finishing my first shifts of work and now i made myself wish i had a blanket fort lmao

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