#im pretty sure it was a fear street but im scrolling through the list and none of these look like it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

funkylittledemon · 22 days

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autism and emotions is so.... well it fucking sucks is what it is. i need my mind to slow down for a second to get all these thoughts down bc i will explode if i dont get them out there (hence why this post - only bee is gonna see this & knows me enough to be worried for more than an hour or so and if i put this where nobody can see it aint actually out there) (wassup bee dw i am okay)

anyway

i say that life is just getting to me rn and it is but thats too vague a statement. current affairs (an impartial term but a useful one here) are getting to me - I'm trying to navigate adulthood while it feels like the life i was promised is being taken away by whatever event you want to pick; global warming, late-stage capitalism, multiple genocides, the list goes on. and I'm one of the lucky ones!! how fucked up is that! so there's that constant stress hanging above my head.

then there's more abstract life: navigating uni and living alone and looking after myself while forming relationships and starting to try carve a path for myself. this one isn't as bad but still can't be ignored and the fact that interpersonal relationships have become so scrutinised through social media doesn't help. no matter the insecurity you have or your own specific factors there will be someone online telling you your worst fears are right - i cant say how many times ive scrolled past a reel saying that i havent had a message back because "he" doesn't care. does the person saying this even know I've seen it, let alone who i am or who "he" is? No!! but the sentiment sticks with you despite only seeing it for 3 seconds before scrolling on, despite logically knowing it can't apply to me because its a catch-all statement to everyone who feels insecure pushed onto us by an algorithm that thinks we want to hear that. social media is feeding into our fears and insecurities and we can't stop it. as an autistic person whos insecure as fuck and who knows they dont understand a lot of societal cues being told by some random person that im right to be insecure really doesn't help - i get the idea of something stuck in my head and bc i know its bs i try get it out which cements it further into my mind and lends it credence.

then there's uni itself - i am now faced with the realisation that everything leading me up to uni and my course has been about me helping other people, often to my own detriment. i chose a counselling course because i was always the therapist friend, the one who everyone else went to for help. and wouldn't you know it I've been burnt out for years and literally don't have it in me to help strangers, or give a shit about their lives. i cared so much and made my entire life about helping other people that i had no idea what i wanted to do. im switching to just psychology now, because it is interesting and i do enjoy it but im kind of lost now i dont have that purpose. it also scares me just how much of my life hadn't been about me at all and im still not sure who i am if im not helping someone. obviously thats the dramatic version but you get the gist. uni's been a wakeup call i wasn't prepared for and theres the work and exams on top of that

christ this is long. okay. what else was there. emotions. god i hate emotions. this is the hard bit. all my emotions are so so big and i am so so small and it feels like they would devour me whole if they could. anxiety is a big one. recently pretty much all ive been feeling is anxiety - a deep anxiety that makes me nauseous pretty much 24/7. last week on friday i had what i call a breakdown. i still dont understand it (which is scary enough - every other breakdown i can disect and point to the cause). i just sarted screaming in the middle of the street and couldn't stop and its making me anxious just typing this up. then there was a day of panic attack after panic attack (lost count after the 4th i think) and then a few days later and some bad decisions (booze. ik i shouldn't have drank but i thought i was ok to drink) i had another breakdown. i dont remember much of this one but it ended in me being locked out and sobbing - security had to let me in and it must've been bad bc the guy gave me a card with hotlines on it. (again, i am okay). i lost my leather jacket that night which both sucks bc i loved that jacket and also the fact that it's gone is a constant reminder of something im ashamed of. after that it was just this constant nauseating anxiety, occasionally spiralling into something more but not significant enough to include. the thing about me and emotions is that my strategy for dealing with them is to ignore and repress them until they're not my problem anymore. which is bad. but idk how to cope with them healthily and when i feel okay i never know if its because i repressed them again or because i genuinely feel okay. being around other people helps but thats probably not a great thing - i hide my emotions from other people to avoid being a burden. not that its always a bad thing that my friends make me feel better its just not a sustainable approach to constantly avoid being alone. i have this constant struggle of feeling emotions so intensely then feeling shame because of how intensely i felt those emotions or how they made me act.

going on from emotions fucking me over and moving on from Life being an issue anxiety is a fucking bitch. all my life I've felt like an outsider and so constantly nervous about everything. it was hell and then in 6th form i made friends who were so so confident and i finally started to relax a little bit more and not feel bad about taking up space. uni was even better! i had flatmates i loved and i was going out doing things I'd never dreamed of and i was making friends!! i barely recognised myself and i loved it!! then the breakdown happened and i was plunged headfirst back into the old cycle of anxiety and going back to that after feeling what life could be like? that was worse than the breakdown. it feels like ive never felt worse and the knowledge that theres no reason for it, that nothing had actually changed other than me and i could still be out there with confidence but i wasn't was such a crushing feeling it felt like i was never gonna feel okay again. dramatic i know but the truth.

im home for easter break now and typing this out has helped and going back to my old stomping grounds has shown me i have still changed and i do still have the confidence even if i couldn't access it for a hot min. I'm still anxious but thats okay. my emotions don't have an all poweful spell over me and anxiety can suck my dick. there's still the fear that I'll go back to uni and it'll all come rushing back however im just gonna see how this break goes. im gonna be alone whether i like it or not while im down here and if i can manage to be okay with that then I'll be fine. and i do have a support system both here and up at university.

#life updates with fish #vent post #ig #honestly i might not be okay but that's alright. i dont have to be okay and i don't have to be ashamed #im doing better than i was though #but every time i type that the anxiety returns so probably not actually its just more managable #long post #fuck me this was longer than i thought it was gonna be #oops oh well

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hopeandharmonizing · 4 years

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RP Plotting Sheet : Briar Rieka

Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

tagged by: stole it from an old blog

Mun name: Rachel or Teceraca OOC Contact: Start with tumblr IMs. I have discord as well. Talk in the tags.

Who the heck is my muse anyway:

Creeping up on middle-age, part-time Happy Huntress, part-time musical performer, wolf faunus lady who occasionally plays with gender presentation, mostly on stage. She has a painful past, but it only hardened her into a stronger, kinder self who wants to help everyone else to never hurt that badly, or at least not have to shoulder the pain alone. All she wants is to empower people, and yet all she seems to do it make them weaker and intimidated in her presence. Regardless, she continues to try and inspire through words and music, and protect through fists and claws.

Points of interest:

black and white wolf tail, thorny vine tattoos wrapping most of her body, a semblance which cancels out others’ semblances, skilled in Aikido, guitar, keyboard/piano, and vocals. Graduate of Sanctum and Atlas Academies. Her huntress license lapsed after its first expiration date and remained that way for ~10 years until she reinstated at the behest of Robyn Hill. She will love you if you love yourself, and likewise do her best to truly scare the shit out of you if you mistreat others.

What they’ve been up to recently:

In mainverse, she’s living her best life in Mantle city, trying to bring hope to the masses and occasionally going on stake-outs for Robyn Hill or acting as entertainment or security detail for her rallies.

If you want to meet her somewhere in the past, you can find her either just looking to survive, mastering her music, or completing combat training followed by huntress training. then, trying but failing to work effectively as a licensed huntress, and slowly feeling like she’s lost herself before she finds music again.

Where to find them:

In chronological order:

Morkmani Village Anima forests Argus Sanctum Academy Atlas Academy Mantle city - wherever the work was - performances at nightclubs, bars, street venues, coffee shops, etc - libraries, cafes, anywhere she can sit and work on her stuff - her apartment - supporting other people’s shows! having fun in the crowds. - out shopping, especially to add to/update her wardrobe with cool shit

Current plans:

make the world better! or at least feel like less of an oncoming storm. continue to be a badass? love as many people as she can. from a distance, usually.

Desired interactions:

WHEEZE. A lot of this is similar to the associations bit in my page but here we go.

Robyn recruiting her to join the huntresses, any and all shenanigans that may follow. Fraternizing with fellow huntresses in general, or missions together.

Qrow and/or Clover semblance shenanigans and training. Also her and Clover generally giving each other shit bc it is just So Much to have those two egos in one room.

Bitching at Ironwood about what trust and loyalty REALLY means or maybe just her venting to someone about him, but this requires her getting to know him somehow in the first place, or at least to hear from others what he is like. idk. this muse has meta feelings about micromanagement, I would love to thread them.

Giving Weiss vocal training classes when she was a lil’ girl. and/or catching up in current verse.

Briar getting to meet Blake and absolutely gush about her speech at Menagerie bc she saw it from some scroll recordings.

Basically anything with Jaune. I still have no idea what is going to happen when these two semblances meet each other. I do know hers can basically act like a spiritual resistance weight to help his get stronger. It probably goes both ways. Semblance arm wrestling is what I’m sayin’. But also she just.......... she has a lot of feelings. It’s like a Qrow/Clover thing too where she looks at him and sees everything she could be, but isn’t. She’s too proud. Help her work through this and question herself a little bit so she can come out better for it, and realize they are both different yet who they are supposed to be.

Silver eyes training with Ruby!!!! She doesn’t know anything about them besides what she’d find out from the crew, but she does have plenty of skills and pep talks that can probably help Ruby focus and/or project her power. Briar's semblance color is silver for a reason.

Semblance/aura training with anyone in general. But when I say that I also mean “learning not to rely on your semblance” training. She’s good for that. She may get being a professor for it added to either her history or her future, idk yet.

This also leads into being able to have a discussion with Oscar/Ozpin about a different take that can help her fully realize her semblance abilities. If you’re interested, we can chat mun to mun so I can let you know my ideas and you can decide how your muse wants to guide her through it.

Other OCs idk who what where when why how but that’s exactly the point. the whole verse is our oyster, let’s see what happens. come @ me. let’s let our muses help develop each other.

Offered interactions:

Briar’s actually pretty easy to have interactions with villains? She probably won’t know any better if she runs into them and they aren’t immediately stirring trouble. For better or worse, she’ll give them the benefit of the doubt if they are trying to confide in her about something or just chatting.

Also I haven’t made one yet but she’d be damn good for a villain herself AU.

She will listen to you! She will sing to you!! She wants to make you happy and help you grow, plz come to her with whatever. (Or vice versa! She’s not difficult to get to open up and she will talk with you about her own doubts and demons if u want).

Anyone can watch one of her performances and/or come find her hanging around the venue afterwards. I’ll probably make some opens for this kind of thing.

Are you another performer character??? Duets??? duets.

Faunus mentor!! Music mentor!!

Sanctum or Atlas Academy student days can be a thing. Likewise for her more interspersed street performances during those times.

future volume interactions if you’re comfortable with hcs of what goes down until we find out canon. She can go after Robyn/Qrow in the immediate timeframe, or run into any of the kids in the process. I like to think she joins up with the main cast to head to Vacuo when that happens. Whether to just bring her music along for them and/or to start spreading it to more reaches of the world bc hopefully Atlas/Mantle is under control at some point and in good hands with Robyn and however that leadership shakes out, and damn the whole world needs hope right now, so it is... Time To Dream Even Bigger.

Current open post/s:

here’s the open starter tag!

Anything else?:

I thought there was a shipping section on here but uhhhhhh i’m too much of a wuss to make one myself right now. maybe a bias list in the future. I feel like I should get some general interactions going first.

Tagging: I’m not making anyone commit to this beast. If you want it, take it and most certainly blame me and tag me so I can read it.

#( you just crossed a borderline || ooc )#( can you keep up? is that all you got? || wishlist )#long post

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