#isgh. like i dont try to dwell on it much

[xamaxenta]

Kind of whelmed

#isgh. like i dont try to dwell on it much #but i really am so incredibly envious of people who have good relationship with their parents #i havent had a good relationship or trusted mine since i was thirteen #NC is great its fine im doing great #but mentally theres a part of me that cant get over it its fucking ass lmao #an extremely childlike part of me that really needs an older person to tell me its ok??? #i guess? #dont really have anyone like that #so i exist as i am and i hold no love for myself and i hold too many expectations #and im like does this make me happy or accomplished? #idk #not really #not really so why do i have the expectations in the first place #its a disgusting culmination of identity crisis and lack of self esteem/love idk #augh. #i just want to be a little beast #like bog witch turns me into a frog kind of thing id be so happy #maybe #anyway thats dramatic its nothing important #ill put it away and think about it again in like four months time