#but mentally theres a part of me that cant get over it its fucking ass lmao

[xamaxenta]

Kind of whelmed

#isgh. like i dont try to dwell on it much #but i really am so incredibly envious of people who have good relationship with their parents #i havent had a good relationship or trusted mine since i was thirteen #NC is great its fine im doing great #but mentally theres a part of me that cant get over it its fucking ass lmao #an extremely childlike part of me that really needs an older person to tell me its ok??? #i guess? #dont really have anyone like that #so i exist as i am and i hold no love for myself and i hold too many expectations #and im like does this make me happy or accomplished? #idk #not really #not really so why do i have the expectations in the first place #its a disgusting culmination of identity crisis and lack of self esteem/love idk #augh. #i just want to be a little beast #like bog witch turns me into a frog kind of thing id be so happy #maybe #anyway thats dramatic its nothing important #ill put it away and think about it again in like four months time

[gineazu]

JJK x Filia<3 reader

Filia!Reader is the protective type especially when it comes to Yuji, Nobara, and Megumi mostly Yuji cuz ya know vessels stick together

#VESSELLIVESMATTER

Anyway they try their best to stay away from Gojo cuz much to her dismay he talked so much he purposely turned off his infinity just to get a rise out of Samson literally allowed Samson to punch him to see if the punch would be soft like normal hair or would it feel like an actual fist

(Learned that it was worse then a fist and soft hair it felt like sandpaper attached to a metal slide in the hot sun during the summer with blades)

Now with yuji and sukuna yuji and Filia!Reader get along very well basically inseparable they're like fraternal twins if you were to to describe these to with two worded quotes it would be "Rev Up!" And "Power Up! " but...theres always a down side because DAMN SURE THAT SAMSON AND SUKUNA DONT LIKE EACH OTHER theres a difference between these two

one actually cares for their vessel how they feel if they're alright mentally physically psychologically.....WHILE THE OTHER is literally reckless at all times he keeps his vessel alive just because hes interested in his life and everything thats been going on recently and literally its all ENTERTAINMENT FOR HIM

Yes he's killed his vessel a couple of times out of pure boredom yes he'll do it again he doesnt care at all as long as he's entertained he doesnt care how his vessel feels at all SHIT HE'LL EVEN KILL HIS FRIENDS JUST TO GET THAT GOOD ASS ASMR IN HIS EARS OF HIS VESSEL CRYING this mans evil-

Now with nobara....there isnt much to say these two definitely steal gojos black card to go on shopping sprees and photo shoots in the mall its not like gojos gonna miss it this man is literally rich with an end pretty sure he wont even recall its missing because he definitely doesnt keep receipts with all the stuff he buys so nobara and Filia!Reader literally have a never ending wardrobe full of clothes for every FUCKING SEASON fashionably spicefied<3

It may seem like megumi and Filia!Reader dont really talk much at all but they bond over the animals they can make Filia!Reader admires the animals hes able to make that she cant even the she Mostly makes bug shapes with her hair and they wouldn't really count as animals besides the octopus samson turns into its still a thing to talk about now samson loves to pet megumi's divine dogs

and so does Filia!Reader they love to cuddle with them and just relax and sleep after a long day even though Megumi is and emo boi and loves to be left alone he still enjoys Filia!Reader's company anytime shes around

Now...interaction with sukuna...he would just come up with any type of insult and they would just go over her head this one of the reasons why he and samson have a lot of beef because of the way he disrespects both vessel's thats basically keeping parts of them both alive

samson thinks they both should be grateful for that because they're not even trying to kick them out of their bodies but yuji is actually doing the most and willingly trying to find all 20 of sukunas fingers and sukunas selfish ass cant even be grateful for that always talking about fighting and Threatening his friends and sensei's for no literal reason at all what a giant piss baby.....yeah so samson doesn't like interaction with sukuna

Just like how samson doesnt like interaction with sukuna he also doesnt like interaction with gojo literally just because he thinks hes a creep and annoying as hell he would literally call him "stalker grandpa" or "flashlight eyed geezer" or "weezer geezer"

literally anything he can think of thats just in any way calling him old he was said to gojo and i quote "when you were born your hair said 90 but your face said vampirism of 1000 plagues nothing will ever destroy me" this man? Curse? Parasite? Thing?

Anyway he just does not like gojo now he can tolerate everyone else but he mostly tolerates yuji because its like having a second Filia!Reader only thing about yuji samson doesnt like is sukuna he is commited to hating him so much hes labelled as an op in the books theres is a lot of dann hate

Now for the finale on who Filia!Reader favorite adult who basically babysits her and the rest of the group sometimes ISSSSSSSSSS drumroll pls T-T 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

Nanami because once they were out looking for a curse ended up being a lower grade the sneaky stealing and energy deceiving kind would make themselves seem like a big deal so they can steal from sorcerers mushroomed shaped tiny has stub arms and legs dots for eyes no mouth these things are no use to even kill one because waste of time and two they're help with the environment plants and animals type of stuff

so when one snatchs nanami's tie to bring it to a foxes den to add to a pile to keep them warm and Filia!Reader goes after it to get the tie back for nanami even though he tried to tell to forget about it but she ran off to fast so she finally cornered the thing near the den she decided to give up her tie in exchange for nanami's in which worked

so she went back to nanami with his tie in hand and found herself the one to be tieless he let her keep it due to having so many of the same tie in which he received and big hug and a warm smile

When all together when fighting a stronger and sorcerers get injured Filia!Reader uses samson to make a dome shield or carries a bunch of people out of the fight and gets them to shoko so nobody else has to worry about how the injured would get to her

and they can just keep fighting knowing that people are getting healed and are in safety as much as samson doesnt really like doing that because he doesn't know the people but he does know that he needs to because of their state and if his vessels motivated to do it then so is he

Thats one of them off my list (๑´̥̥̥>ω<̥̥̥`๑) i hope you enjoyed this vote so i can see if you would want more stuff like this and send any request if you want have a part to or side drabbles also did you see the little nanami ties on the little Filia!Reader? ;3

#jjk x poc!reader #jjk x reader #jjk headcanons #gojo satoru #yuji itadori #nobara kugisaki #ryomen sukuna #skullgirls #x reader #black reader #x black reader

[unfortunatelyself]

Just finished watching and reading heartstopper and solitaire (yeah, just now cause my autistic ass wont let me watch new things cause theyre new and if theyre trendy its even worse cause then its like everyone is telling me to watch this or read it and, no, no one tells me what to do) and omfg if this doesn't turn into a special interest (I'd love that) then it'll be an hyperfixiation than later will turn into a comfort show/comic/book, for sure.

I want to talk and SCREAM about it but im lonely af and thats why i have tumblr!

First of all, Tori and Charlie are SO RELATABLE. But like, SO. FUCKING. RELATABLE.

The way they both think about themselves, so negatively, Charlie's anxiety and over thinking, his ocd, the little occasions his thoughts about food shows, how he feels like a burden and guilty for noticing Toris mental health declining and doing nothing (just as she feels guilty for noticing something was off about him but thinking that maybe she was just making thing up).

And then, how pessimistic Tori is, how fucking depressed she is and how CLEARLY AUTISTIC SHE IS. And not only autistic, but lonely. The rest of my autistic headcanons and/or comfort autistic characters, are either not lonely or they really dont care about it or i just dont relate to them and i just know they are autistic. But she is so fucking lonely and she fucking knows it (even with Michael, cause she keeps pushing him away). And it hurts so fucking much. All her quotes about how she doesn't feel part of their friend group or part of anything and how the others "grew" while she got stuck.

Im surprised of how painful and raw these books and comics felt to me without the need of showing triggering scenes, dialogs or even mentioning all their struggles that much. Tori only mentions almost at the end of the book that she wants to die, before that she doesn't even mentions that she feels herself getting bad, its noticeable, but theres no emphasis on it.

Until the end of the 3rd comic eds are mentioned and in the 4th comic, there's just one scene of Charlie when he was impatient, his body is never shown to show how sick he is, there are no cuts, blood or even his scars (this is just in the comics but still). Nothing. And for someone whos been for 6 years in the mental health instagram community, which can be really graphic, triggering and toxic and who, unfortunately, was already online when those pro ana and mia accs where around a lot and so easy to find, while reading i was so surprised of how raw this story was without triggering its audience, but maybe thats cause it was practically like reading my life.

And I love that the story mentions clearly that romantic love cant cure mental illness and as a partner, saving them is not your responsibility, and that one person is not enough support. I absolutely love that. I love everything about this story and I want to talk about it until I get tired.

#heartstopper #charlie spring #tori spring #tori spring autistic #solitaire #solitaire alice oseman

[baahsu]

HIII BAHH SRRY FOR DISINTEGRATING FOR A FEW DAYS OPLA HAD MOMENTARILY CONSUMED EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING

HOWEVER this has been sitting, unfinished, in my vscest doc for a while now so i decided to finish it up. here u go eat up friend :]] oh yeah angst warning at the beginning btw:

so. lies on the floor. ichiji deserves to get fucked stupid after having a bad day and im thinking abt him w yonji rn so. :)

emotions regained/vs bros redemption ichiji having that almost subtle kinda self hatred one day- (bc in emotions regained aus all the brothers are chronically mentally ill, they're so traumatized its painful :,D) -not the kind that makes you wanna scream or cry or throw up, instead the kind that makes your heart go a little faster than normal and that makes your skin crawl and makes you feel sick for being alive. the kind that builds and builds until it's too much.

yonji (the most *emotionally* intelligent one out of 124ji, methinks) eventually notices smthns wrong and asks ichi abt it and ichiji just Breaks. like he pauses, crumples into a ball, and starts pulling his hair and venting about how he feels so disgusting and unworthy of love and how he wants to rip his skin off for something new and he hates this he hates this he hates this he hates himself

and yonji LISTENS to him. he listens with a frown until ichi is fucking winded, hyperventilating, and sweating with frustrated tears in his eyes. and then yonji hits him with the

"What do you need me to do, Ichiji?"

then ichi just stops shaking (and breathing) entirely for a moment as the question registers b4 his shaking slowly starts up again and his bottom lip starts trembling and he slowly looks up at yonji with big ole watery eyes and shakily signals him over to cuddle and theybpagaufuafuaf!!!!

the two of em lying down w yonji holding ichiji tight against his chest- one hand/arm curled around chijis lower back while the other is running through his hair and ichis just curling around yonji like a koala. he buries his face in yonjis neck and is constantly mumbling "im sorry" and yonji says "theres nothing to apologize for" each and every time back, proving his point by pressing a kiss to a different part of ichiji each time.

this continues on until ichiji stops crying and calms down. then he thanks yonji by sitting up slowly and holding yonjis face in his hands and kissing him *so* gently.

^ idk maybe its just me but i feel like out of all the vs siblings ichiji would have the hardest time being gentle. sanji always has been, reiju *secretly* always has been, yonji *had* to learn to be (even when he was still emotionless) bc of his strength (and therefore it came somewhat easily to him when he got emotions), nijis always been a giant fucking tsundere so even though hes an ass about 90% of the time, he does have the capability to at least sit and listen and take care of someone he loves (especially after regaining emotions, the percentile changes from 90/10 to 50/50 then lmao), but ichiji?? the perfect, emotionless soldier, even after getting fixed??? practically unheard of.

so when he pulls THIS shit???

it makes yonjis libido go WHAM. like that mf went redder than chijis hair. might as well been a cartoon character with the way he practically started floating as his eyes turned into hearts

THEN. then that gentle kiss delvesssss

ichiji getting lost in his emotions, leading him to grab yonjis face so *desperately* and straddle his hips/lap and kiss him thru tears.. n yonjis there half dumbstruck half horny, grinding on ichis ass while the hands once petting his hair and stroking his back to soothe him move to squeeze at it bc holy shiiit what is happening rn yonji cant compute. do u see the vision 🙈🙈

then, SHOCKINGLY, (/sarc) they fuck each other stupid. like STUPID stupid. so stupid that when 023 find them in the morning they straight up think the two were jumped in an alley together or smthn with how marked up their bodies were n shit (but they figure it out real quick once they see how badly ichiji was limping :]) ((tho if you asked me personally yonji wasnt exactly walking straight either :]])) (((they are both switches :]]])))

AND SCENE. i wrote abt both ichiniji and yoniji b4 this so now the 124ji circle is complete lmao. i need more soft ichiji in my life and if theres no one to provide i shall make it myself :)) -J.J

Honestly relatable, I can't stop thinking about opla since the day I watched it lol it was so good and I want to rewatch it already

But back to vcest 👀

Ichiji being emotionally stunted after getting his emotions back is a concept that's always at the back of my mind but I never put too much thought into it, but now I'm 👀

I see him as trying to keep himself, and the others, together, he doesn't let his emotions run freely, he tries not to let them take the better of him else he might go down and spiral of self hatred and guilt, so he puts his energy into looking after the others and trying to come up with a plan to get them out of judge's grasp

It takes a toll on him of course, his repressed emotions keep building up and he feels himself going insane and with no way to vent

When yonji catches him like this, on the verge of panicking, he finally let's go and it feels so good and so freeing for once. Yonji's rock solid, he embraces him, takes his whole body into strong arms and makes him feel safe, and he doesn't budge, he lets ichiji cry against his shoulder until he's satisfied and spent

Ichiji's tired but tries to show his gratitude with a kiss and yonji combusts. It's not every day that he has ichiji this pliant and soft and sweet sprawled in his lap and he wants to do so many things to him but his brain's all muddled and he doesn't know where to begin!!

Once he gets a hold of himself tho, it's over for ichiji, the strength he used to comfort him will now be used to ruim him

#older brother going to the yonger brother for comfort is so ajjsskdkajdjsk #and yonji taking a second to process the kiss and then just going feral aajskdjsjd #the dynamic between these two has so much potential!!!! #vinsmokecest

[braywashed]

i just

fuckin

idk

i went to wash my bed comforter tonight because the nights have been chilly and i know i’m gonna want it out again and it was a new place, and it was a nice little place. and there was a sign on the wall that they need a part time attendant. and my brain for a moment was like wow! i should email them! would probably be a chill gig! get some play money!

before i remembered, oh right, i almost fell on my ass on the way in here from stepping the wrong way because i’m still fucked up, and oh right, everyones still fucking sick as hell around here but taking zero precautions, and oh yeah, i wake up to things burning on the stove all the time from him being forgetful and he needs 24hr care but no one comes over to check on him.

its also not in a great area and theres a sign on the door about permitted carry so thats probably also, you know, not the best sign.

and i just feel like fucking shit. everyones just always like oh, youre still at home doing nothing, huh? and like i fucking know there’s reasons and circumstances but it just makes me feel like fucking dogshit that i’m not doing more. like am i just anxious and depressed and making excuses for not being more productive while i watch my pockets dwindle?

and i *cant* complain because i do basically get a free roof over my head and i can stay up all night but it’s not like i’m living the fucking dream.

i was doing okay with yeah i got injured but shit happens mentality but now it’s getting cold fast and i probably won’t be fully better until the winter is here and that won’t be an ideal time to try and do anything. so it’ll probably be spring.

and meanwhile everyone else will be doing productive adult shit and i’ll be here stressing about being a fucking worthless idiot just distracting myself with stupid fucking wrstling and games as always. not that i wouldnt be doing that regardless but it really hits different when you know everyones just like oh, there she is, reveling in being a lazy fuck while i have to be WORKING for a living~

#venting. just venting.

[bignutspatrol]

aight got rid of the irls. mental illness rambling, not anything negative, just reflecting again. big talk on dissociation so avoid if thats an issue for u

idk we used to be so terrified of the whole 'integration' thing but there is something so.. calming and beautiful(?) in acting as one. we're still different in a way, but we're so blurred together that there may as well be no difference between one another. 'switches' are basically seamless at this point, though we never had too much of an issue with that. Amnesia isnt an issue, i mean theres still some memories that we cant really.. access or thinking about it brings up a mental "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THIS" mental prompt. but like, with no real therapy getting this far is pretty good, no? i dont think i can get too much farther on my own, but thats fine for now. i think theres one or two parts that havent been integrated, judging from gaps and things ive just kinda observed. dissociating is still kind of an issue, but its hard to tell how much of that is from mental illness and how much is from my physical shit just being really bad rn. its never for very long though, and i can snap myself out of it at this point. looking back at how i used to feel like i was.. only ever vaguely aware of things going on, voices just constantly ordering around the body like im a puppet, the fear i felt back then. felt like i was drowning in pure ass dissociation. man. shits so much better. i mean theres also the fact that we actually communicate but. its so relieving to feel like im actually in control, and to actually be in control at least at times. and also to be able to actually trust my parts now too. i still cant tell who the fuck or what the fuck i am but thats fine? i dont think it matters too much at this point. sometimes it bothers me, but like....idk man, friends say im nice n cool, so who cares. i can recognize i have some bad habits and shit, and try to work on them... and the obsession with art is pretty consistent. so is this rambling. dont think what or who i am matters much past that. we've been mostly present the last year or so and its just... its so amazing how we act when we aren't clouded in that shit. feels like a completely new person. i mean it basically is lol but. its so fucking good, i thought i was just an asshole before that but nope! just hard to care or interact with people when your mind does not exist. turns out im kinda funny and bitches like that! who fucking knew. idk when i get that driving license i think ill finally bother to get a therapist. got some things i wanna do that i can only do when i get over the whole trauma shit.

even with all that said a lot of this progress happened /after/ being single. bpds like that lol. man im so fucking glad im over the whole 'if im single i wont be able to live, i can only have a happy life if im with someone' etc shit. i get where its coming from, have that compassion, etc etc, but like... Oh man. Hindsights 20/20. turns out i fucking love myself and love being on my own. i just also love chaotic slightly-bad relationships (i have some standards. not good ones.). gotta work on that too... hah. seriously funny that i kept going on and on abt how good my relationship with [several year dude] was and then. oop. hindsight hits, turns out! probably not that great. especially in the last year. i mean he did cheat on me after leaving me in the dark for months on end so like, no shit, but. idk best not to go into detail on that one. think some ppl that know him follow here lmao. dude is fine, just a bad partner. not abusive just not a good fit for me at all. maybe i just dont understand other depressed people at all lmao? tho my depression is kinda wacky since my emotions are kinda wacky as hell. gonna absolutely have to unpack that one with a therapist. i totally get why its like that but lmaooo solving that is too hellish for me.

#personal #even vaguely thinking about those memories makes the panic surge in someone. man... #still good to poke at them every now and then though i think? hm. #who knows. #not me. im not a fuckin professional. i just do a shit ton of research and experimentation #have a lot thoughts. wanted to just write them. and this account has always kinda been a place i put it #aside form my now deleted priv twt #there was a two whole extra paragraphs and then i was like. hm. no. thats a bit too big of a bomb to drop here actually lets keep that one #actually private i think lol #no one fuckin reads these (that is so fine) and no one follows this acc (also so fine) but like. its still not private enough ykn

[thoughts-and-all-that]

my brother is such a selfish prick

he has known me for all 19 years of my life and i dont even know the last time he asked me how i was doing. if i was alright

oh but his little fiance hes only known for like 2 years is somehow the most important person in this situation

yknow, i toootally didnt have a whole ass breakdown and thats why i yelled, but whatever. i didnt even say anything bad about her. i was calmly trying to ask something and these overgrown children started yelling at me and i was holding on by a frayed thread so i screamed back. all i said was "he keeps bringing me into this" and "im so fucking sick of this shit"

they cant just get over themselves and accept that if theyre going to stay part of this family they have to accept that the mother of my other brothers children is part of this family too whether we like it or not. if you hate her so much send her to a mental hospital where she belongs, but then id have to take care of the kids while my brother is at work and thats what caused this in the first place, cause i am not a fucking caretaker

i didnt like the idea of my oldest brother moving out and going off wherever before but now i hope for it so hes done rubbing his selfishness all over this house

as if they havent been pulling away anyway. we barely see them, he acts like he hates talking to dad, ive barely met who is now my niece

at first this situation was kindve haunting me but now im just pissed. of course its about other people, of course it doesnt matter how i feel, whats going on with ME. when does it matter in any got damn situation how i feel until i put my foot down and make people have to think about me for once.

also fun fact my oldest brother is a huge pissbaby and always gets pissy about everything and yells at the stupidest shit and slams doors over nothing cause he cant handle emotion but yknow, of course hes not the bad guy for yelling. only me. the one time ive yelled like EVER. classic, guys, its fucking classic

quite frankly i dont give a FUCK who is at fault for the drama between the girls, they just need to get over themselves and also LEAVE EVERYONE ELSE OUT OF IT. the selfish duo pretends they never brought me into it as if every comment they ever make to me about that girl isnt them bringing me into it. they never have a good thing to say and love making comments to me about how much of a bitch she is. but sure, you never brought me into it.

ive hesitated so much on my friends request to move into my house because of shit like this but i almost really want it to feel like theres any sense of sanity here, but thatd be so unfair to them at the same time. itd just be so nice to have someone in this house again who isnt some sort of fucking addict. i wish mom were still here. so sick of these people always going out to drink and gamble and whoever knows what and leaving me here to take care of the kids or they just expect me to just be chill i fucking guess

i wish the day i can move out will come faster, i beg for it. i should get a job but i cant drive and i dont have my ged. im so fucked. im so got damn fucked. every job sounds like shit anyway and doing the same miserable thing day in and day out makes me want to .

no one cares. no one ever cares. i scream to a void no matter what platform i speak on, no matter who i talk to, no matter what i say or do. i live in hell masquerading as something else. who the hell do i have to talk to to get a reset haha good place reference he he he he ha ha

im so tired.

#vent #personal #long post

[sabertoothwalrus]

i had ANOTHER dream abt miraculous ladybug and this ones a LONG one. it didnt have your artstyle but time paris DID have lovely architecture such as: the bigass hollow tree stumps in breath of the wild, u know the ones big enough to fit a shrine and a half. anyway, the final battle is Happening, people get to wonder if hawkmoth is gonna bite the dust in real time bc its being televised. this is all taking place smth like 3 yrs in the future from season 4 of the show. so theyre like uhhhh Older Teens and certifiably Tired Of All This Shit. so! at the bottom of one of those tree stumps, cat noir’s identity is going to be revealed! oh no!! hes in a #crisis of the soul mostly bc getting revealed would be Bad but also he doesnt feel like hes helping ladybug anymore. he doesnt feel trusted. a classic tale of the villain manipulating a traumatized teen. and ladybug (looking out over a roof and yelling at the top of her lungs) is like “ABSOLUTELY NOT YOU LEAVE MY PARTNER ALONE.” and bribes hawkmoth away by dangling her own secret identity in front of him like a worm on a hook. it works a little too well. her identity gets revealed! cat noir is safe but in the shuffle hes lost his miraculous and marinette picks it up. shes got both and puts them on. tikki and plagg are like “MARINETTE ITS SO DANGEROUS TO WEAR BOTH AT THE SAME TIME” and shes like “im going to punch hawkmoth in the face” and off she goes.

cat noir is nowhere to be found bc now hes adrian! and she doesnt know that! but he knows shes marinette! drama! so now ladybug is re transformed (without activating the black cat miraculous) and is whaling on hawkmoth. she crashes thru my house which is definitely not in paris and tells me and my sibs we have to get out NOW so we book it and its at this point the dream reveals to me that mylene’s mom is chinese and i sit there like Now Hold On A Minute and my mom says “i told u so!” and i tell her “you dont even watch the show???” mylene was wearing a green cheongsam. i don’t tend to ask questions. also by this point i made a mental note to tell u abt this bc it only gets more batshit.

ladybug told us (and everyone that was running away which was a lot of ppl) that if they find cat noir they shld tell him that ladybug loves him. then she has this Stellar idea. she finds nadja chamack and her camera (bc theres only two newspeople in all of paris and one of them runs reality tv) and is like “hi i need to get a message out to cat noir.” when the camera is situated on her (mind u ms chamack is VERY aware that this is her daughters babysitter and is currently holding hawkmoth in a chokehold) she says “im sorry cat noir. you believed in me and trusted me since day one and i couldnt extend you the same courtesy. i was wrong. there is no one else who can wield the black cat miraculous, no one else i would trust with the power of destruction. meet me at our normal rendezvous point so i can give back what is yours.” its all very heartfelt but undercut by the fact that hawkmoth’s bitch ass is shouting explicatives next to her. the fight resumes. she gets slammed into a wall á la every anime fight ever and manages to hide before getting to the roof where she’s waiting for cat noir. shes in a right amount of pain and tikki is running her mouth abt danger and injuries etc. marinette Will Not Move until cat noir shows up. and he does! adrian arrives! when marinette sees him she starts laughing and crying. adrian is rightfully confused. is this a good thing? is this a bad thing? did she hit her head? (yes to all 3.) marinette says “i have been in love with you since 10th grade.” (were they in 10th grade? i do not know.) adrian says “and ive been busy being in love with ladybug.” and then she apologizes again, gives him the ring back, they hug, kick ass and meet up in her room.

if it feels like we’re going rlly fast now its bc we are. the dream was pretty much a montage at this point. hawkmoth is arrested, the world knows who ladybug is, adrian is an orphan, nathalie is still sick, and marinettes parents r thinking that their kid has nearly died MULTIPLE TIMES and they never knew. also luka is under that bridge going “oh fuck.” marinette is in her room trying to explain what will happen next to alya and nino. alya says “i had to tell nino”and marinette says “i am beyond the point of anger. but whatever.” cat noir falls thru her sunroof and they hug (again, there was so much hugging in this dream to make up for the complete lack of hugging in the actual show) and alya + nino are like “uhhh awkward.” the last convo i don’t have quotes for bc at this point my alarm was ringing but it was something abt how marinette cant be ladybug or hold the miracle box and she wld want alya to be the holder but NINO knows and nino Cant Know. but cat noir doesnt want marinette to lose her memories! but People Know. the conclusion was they have to talk to chloe abt how to navigate paparazzi. this is my chloe-and-marinette-could-be-friends agenda. ok i think thats EVERYTHING. if u read all that godspeed, drink water. OH. FINAL THOUGHT. ADRIAN HAD LONG BEAUTIFUL HAIR WHICH IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ALL OF THIS. he had model-brand stubble and sharper teeth than he should.

sometimes I’m peeved that tumblr increased the character limit for asks to be higher than 500 characters, and other times I get

1k word asks about miraculous ladybug dreams, and I think that’s beautiful

I do unironically love the part about Chloe helping Marinette navigate paparazzi, rip to her canon character development

#also I love ‘meet me on the roof at our usual spot’ #but he DOESNT HAVE HIS MIRACULOUS #NCBDBSHDHGJG #HOW DID HE GET UP THERE #miraculous ladybug

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

I just found out I'm 5 weeks after a few cycles of trying. I knew it would be rough but ur kind of scaring me now lol. I always hear mothers saying stuff like "Pregnancy was the best!" or "I miss being pregnant!" and people do it over and over again, so there must be something to love about it. Right?

Of course! there’s plenty to love about it:

many people lament the changes their body goes through during pregnancy, especially the bump growing. personally? i fucking love it. literally i’ve never loved the way my body looks more than right now, and i used to be fit as fuck. i was sleek and curvy and all sorts of hot, i look EXACTLY the opposite now and yet i LOVE it.

the dips of my stretch marks, my huge slowly rounding belly, my jiggle thighs, my muffin top hips spilling over my pants, my skin is SO fucking soft, i seriously cant keep my hands off myself. if my tits werent plagued by lymphedema i’d probably love them too, but in a sleep bra they look sooooo good in my new maternity shirts. ESPECIALLY ruffle blouses. i genuinely adore the way i look heavily pregnant, and i will absolutely miss it terribly.

i mentioned before that i hate the rolls and swishes (especially the stretches) but i LOVE kicks. seeing my belly move around is surreal and kind of freaky, but in an amazing way. kicks are so... assertive. “i’m here! i’m alright! i’m growing patiently! i’m exercising!” it’s so soothing to know they’re doing well in there, in a place i can’t reach them. i’ll poke them back and they’ll react! it’s so sweet. getting kicked in the butthole isnt so sweet, but i do think its funny tbh.

learning their routine in there is so nice in a weird way. i know what foods they react strongly to(baby loves spicy), and how they react to light. they like to settle on one side of my belly button or the other, and i can feel their head (or ass?) just hanging out there. resting. i can caress my baby through my skin. it’s gross but its so lovely.

i get to park in the expectant parking spots heehee >:3c (i already have a blue badge, but when the blue spots are full, there’s still a close space for me most of the time) i always do an evil little laugh when i pull in like im doing crimes.

my hair still falls out, but not nearly as much as it did pre-pregnancy. it gets greasy a lot slower too.

i still get pimples, but not nearly as many as i did pre-pregnancy. (T1 doesnt count. T1 was like Puberty 2. hopefully yours isnt as blegh)

i’m compelled beyond understanding to drink TONS of water. I have never drank this much daily water in my LIFE. i am extremely hydrated and feel healthy.

i’m compelled beyond understanding to get into the sunlight. i stand outside for a few moments on sunny days and feel like im photosynthesizing. i never did this before now.

im generally more optimistic rather than doomscrolling my own brain for hours a day.

i feel more responsible, i feel like the decisions i make have a future in mind rather than impulsivity. i feel purposeful. my mental health has improved drastically.

i eat so much more fruit than i used to

my sleep is plagued by nightmares sure but i sleep SO fast now. it used to take me hours to fall asleep. now it’s mere minutes. is this how the other side lives???

people are way more willing to help me, and other parents readily and eagerly answer a complete strangers random questions like “was that expensive? is it easy to use? does it fit in your car well?” that from any other person would feel upsetting and invasive. i was looking at nipple balm confusedly in target a few months ago and a total stranger called out to me and asked if i needed help, then pointed out which are vegan, which have this or that ingredient, which allergens to be aware of, which have a strong smell, which were oily or lotion-y, and when i picked one (earth mama butter) just said “great choice, you’re gonna smell so good. good luck babe!” and left with her cute toddler who was happily chanting “nip-ple, nip-ple, nip-ple,”. ideal interaction. i still think about that woman. she smelled like cheerios and strawberries.

there’s plenty to love and enjoy, just like theres plenty to hate and be miserable about.

and when it comes to people who say “pregnancy was the best! i miss it!” i personally have a feeling that if it’s not because of stigma of looking “unappreciative” of pregnancy, it is because keeping an infant alive is fucking miserable, and parenting blows chunks. i’m sure that comparatively, being extremely uncomfortable and in pain for the better part of a year might actually have been the best part for them, even if they had the roughest parts.

i’ll definitely miss the way i currently feel about my body. i’ll miss the QUIET for sure, and the idleness. and ill miss sleeping so soundly, even if there’s nightmares. i’ll miss getting to shirk chores because my body hurts, and i’ll miss having 100% of my husband’s attention, but he’ll miss having 100% of mine too so at least its fair.

but........ i won’t be doing this again :^) at least unless i have free healthcare, because my GOD the bills are OUTRAGEOUS. fuck that shit.

congrats on your success, anon. it’s a rollercoaster.

#i want a second one but i'm thinking we'll adopt #long post #again soz #pregnancy #for ts #me babby #op #ask #Anonymous

[calumthoodshands]

show me it 🔫🔫

oh ana u need to stop indulging me honestly u cant hold me accoutable for the shit i say all day long

ill just... put a few thoughts under the cut thats all

im not even saying that any of the following is in any... way... meant to be taken seriously. this is the biggest disclaimer that im a fic writer. fic as in fiction. not real. this is a big ass fucking joke. ok? got it? great.

then i'm gonna start off with the way these two are hiding in the back. from the beginning of that stream theyre hiding in the back, keeping it quiet, not by far engaging as much as mashton in the front, listening but also really not. and in the part that we're talking abt, they are listening for once, even if theyre not saying much. its like they agreed beforehand to keep to themselves. luke apparently also wanted to keep his hands to himself, seeing as he holding onto calum's bass. which, also, like why is he playing with calum's bass? he doen't play bass, not usually, for his album yeah but apart from that? and this isn't the first time either. cake switch instruments quite often, there are several photos especially of calum with one of luke's guitar. im just saying. its just implying that they might spend time w each other teaching the other maybe.

ok moving on now lets see how it starts off shall we. theres nothing in particular going on at first. theyre both watching, calum especially seems to be quite focused on it bc he later on doesn't look away or towards luke, but luke gets easily distracted suddenly when he accidentally touches calum. and like... thats not... unusal... these four men have spent hours on tiny couches squished together........ why do you even point it out hemmo. for why. thats the first thing that doesnt make sense to me. "i almost touched your hand", ok and? what abt it? is this unusual? did you think it would bother calum? why tf would it bother calum (it obviously doesn't)? did you agree beforehand not to touch each other hands or smth like WHAT IS THIS ABOUT. what is the reason. !! and why are you swallowing about it. and then the way he looks over to calum all provocatively. even raising his eyebrow. like hes waiting for calum to say something abt it. theres nothing inherently weird about it, he says it quite casually, but if this were a fic? you cant tell me they didnt like, agree beforehand to keep touching to a minimum and luke wants to find out if his 'slip up' provocates calum. like a little shit. and irl calum pauses when he says it. his fingers stop moving. sure he doesnt look over but like, ok, hes listening, he felt it maybe even, and now he apparently has to answer to luke's already unnecessary statement bc thats what he does. he doesnt look over so luke alreadys looks away again, apparently thinking that was it, but then calum says 'it's fine' which is, ok, normal response. nothing special. couldve kept it at that. but NO. they are LIKE THAT apparently. apparently theyre fight or flight reaction is physical touch. calum doesn't just say its fine NO he reaches out and caresses luke's thigh. not just nudging it, nope. fully on brushing his thigh with thumb and pointer finger like its no ones business. which it isnt. im just observing that's all. its just. its like he tryna say its okay. like he really has to reassure luke for whatever reason. and then they break into such wide smiles and for what. they act like no nones looking like there werent literally thousands of people. this was such a ?? private moment ??? its so soft and so quiet and gentle and i just think they have a very precious friendship and its just cute and drives me insane and im just losing my mind a little i think. that is all. thank you so much for listening. someone check me into a mental health facility i cannot believe i seriously typed all these goddamn words over a seven second clip. dont get into fandoms kids. stay offline. go and play outside im gonna go outside and touch some grass

#ask #ana ♤ #few thoughts she said #before actually typing an essay #i need to get off the internet #this is straight up from my dms im not even gonna lie #chamaleonsoul

[muwur]

Since requests were open I was wondering if I could request father headcanons for iwai + ushi + atsumu 🥺 btw your writing is vv tasty n I can’t wait to see you write more !! Keep up the good work n stay safe !!

haikyuu daddee headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for iwaizumi, ushijima, and atsumu

❧ gn reader

✎ 1.4k words

a/n: omg u called my writing taSTY Dx i cri tySM 💞 that is a high compliment for me AHAHAHAH ILY and ty for the request! 

also my lovelies i m back i m sry i was gone so long feojfe i miss yall <3 here u go enjoi, this was fun to write lmk if yall want more characetrs AHAHA

current listen: accidentally in love by sHREK AAHAH jkjk i mean counting crows, they cant take that away from me by ella fitzgerald and louis armstrong, love the way you lie by eminem and rihanna

requests: open!

iwaizumi

✧ prePARED daddy

✧ picked up on this parenting thing p fast, also does a lot of research so he’s ready to face any situation

✧ teaches his kids how to behave n respect others

✧ also makes sure they know not to talk to strangers and teaches them some self defense

✧ be warned these kids are packing a surprise can of whOOP ASS,, dont fuck w them,, plus u wouldnt want buff daddee iwa on ur tail

✧ honestly his kids would be ANGELS ,,, n thats cuz he treats them all so w e l l

✧ mans is ATTENTIVE. he asks his kids about their days, their interests, and encourages discussion about their fEELINGS 🥺

✧ always offers them really valuable and light-hearted advice

✧ and gives them the love and transparency we all wanted but never had--

✧ however his kids are easily (n negatively) influenced esp when uncle oikawa comes to visit--

✧ but mostly bc iwa gets annoyed and slips out a lot of curse words and a “shittykawa” and then his kids started calling oikawa that and now it’s ingrained in them forever fjoefefgfvi (*distant phlattykawa crying noises*)

✧ gives them LOTS of head pats and ruffles as signs of affection

✧ PACKS THEIR SCHOOL LUNCHES and ensures they eat a balanced meal

✧ attends all their games/events,, will get a bit rowdy hype them up

✧ def lets his kids sleep with him when they’re having a bad night or woke up scared from a nightmare (and waits for them to fall asleep before going to sleep himself fojref)

✧ when they were babies he usually succeeded to get them to stop crying by pulling funny faces, showing them their favorite cartoons, or humming a lullaby

✧ when they get older,,, u bet iwa would be suPER protective esp when their kids start being iNtErEsTeD in other people

✧ you: “iwaizumi, they seem like a really nice kid, though”

✧ iwa: *sitting with you in the car, across the street from the ice cream parlor your child said they were at, and spying from the window* “you can’t trust everyone, of course they seem ‘nice,’ they just want our approval”

✧ definitely did not interrupt his child’s potential first kiss at their house’s doorstep by slamMINg the door open “sUDDENLY” cuz he “hEard TheIR vOicEs and THougHt TO lET them In”

✧ effectively traumatized both kids

✧ tho he felt bad after n u made him go apologize so he did (and he was forgiven, only if he agreed to never spy on them again--)

✧ doesn’t stop him from scrutinizing every person yalls kid introduces to you tho

✧ overall a super supportive dad, 11/10

ushijima

✧ ok dEF does not know much about parenting ,, at first

✧ stared at his child like ???nani when you both changed their first diaper

✧ also had plenty of staring contests with his babies ,,, called it bonding

✧ was curious and tasted baby food once,,, immediately regretted it

✧ once put a volleyball next to his child, who attempted to bite it, and took it as a sign that they liked it

✧ after sum time n practice, his mind becomes split between “how to volleyball” and “how to dad”

✧ catch him in the kitchen wearing an apron and whipping up his kids’ favorite smiley face pancakes 😤😤

✧ has an amazing ability to get his kids to stop crying, does really simple things like give them their favorite toy or place a gentle hand on their hand or attend to their needs (mans can tell if they want food or needa poop) and they calm down immediately

✧ carried them on his shoulders once and now they never stop asking him for shoulder rides (not that he minds anyway)

✧ if theres two kids he can probs carry one on each shoulder cuz cmon ,,, have u seen this man

✧ always goes to every performance/game/event his child takes part in

✧ man smiles so soft™ when he goes to the 1st grade play and sees his kid’s name in the program next to their role as “townsperson b” (next year, they upgraded to “singing carrot” in a play about the food pyramid)

✧ if his kid ends up enjoying volleyball, he will teach them e v e r y t h i n g they need to know

✧ but is overall super supportive of anything else his child pursues and doesn’t push anything onto them, would rather let them choose what they want to do

✧ had n o idea what to do when his kid asked him about the birds n the bees asfghkl

✧ couldnt sleep one night thinking about it and just randomly asks you while yall laying in bed in the dARk like “so our child asked me how babies are made and I told them they came from watermelon seeds” (you: 👁️👄👁️ “come again”)

✧ you: *at the grocery store with your child*

✧ child: *hands you watermelon* “I want a little brother!”

✧ you: “haha of course honey” 👁️👄👁️ what do i do (*later to ushijima* “duhfojhguf we needa get another baby i promised our child a younger brother fohurof” ; ushi: “wat” ; you: “itS YOUR FAULT”)

✧ yall eventually tell them not every watermelon can produce babies only really special ones that are really hard to get fhuoefkfotfi theyre not ready for the truth

✧ another great daddee, we stan

atsumu

✧ knew parenting was stressful esp with bABieS but was like eh it cant be that bad right

✧ think again

✧ g o o d b y e  s l e e p

✧ develops phat bags under his eyes, responds with a weak “aha im fine just that parenting life and the kids ykNOW” whenever his teammates ask if he’s oKAY

✧ tried to tempt his kids to eat their mush baby food by trying it himself, nearly gagged but was able to say “eughh yuMM”

✧ loves to lift them high up in the air, even throws them up a little and nearly drops them (yall almost died from feAR but babie was having so much fun,,, yall agreed to be just a bit more careful)

✧ rlly bad at getting them to stop crying, gets very stressed when he’s exhausted every option he can think of then calls you over for some help/advice (you: *immediately calms them down* ; ratsumu: “how--”)

✧ calls up osamu a lot to ask him how to make food ,, then simps whenever his twin brother comes over and the kids are in love with this man and his cooking (”dad why cant you make stuff as yummy as this”)

✧ very affectionate with his kids, gives them lots of hugs and kisses on the forehead

✧ plays with them a lot! whether it’s sports, just dance, animal crossing, or UNO, yOU NAME IT WE PLAY IT

✧ also has no mercy when playing competitive video or board games,, has made them cry more than once LOL

✧ so sometimes he toned it down n let them win,, until his kids actually got better and DEMOLISH him every time

✧ is cool with his kids cursing, just as long as they don’t do it in front of their teachers LMAO

✧ plays innocent when he gets a call from school saying his kid was using ‘inappropriate language’ and is like “whaaat? my child? im not even sure where they learned that, maybe check if the other kids in class are saying those things, too--”

✧ reminisces how much nicer his kids were to him when they were younger and all the time they spent together,,, bc now that they reached their tEeNS they want alone time

✧ wants to be B) cool dad so he tries kinda hard, esp in front of their friends but his kid’s just like dad pls dofjrgjigtgro

✧ also very supportive of whatever his kids want to pursue and dedicates time to help them in whatever ways he can (whether that be to help them practice, make sure he can provide transportation, get them supplies, etc)

✧ always playfully competing with you to see who’s the “better” parent (you win by default)

✧ PROTECTIVE dad and will easily intimidate ANYONE who crosses his kids

✧ takes sum adjustment and mental resilience but daddee atsumu perseveres  😤 absolutely loves his kids and would do anything for them  

#haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi x reader #ushijima x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x you #haikyuu daddies #LOL #iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi haijime x reader #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #atsumu miya #ratsumu #atsumu miya x reader #haikyuu reader insert #requests

[tomdiddlyumptious]

A.R| Just cry Already

Summary: did arvin take you on a date- oop.

Warning: slight sexual tension, just a little tense, NOT SEXUAL- terrible flirt, and of course unedited

A/n: smack my ass like a drumb ✌️😌- YALL I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE ABOUT BEING LATE- IM HAVING A FEW PROBLEMS AND I HAVE TO RE WRITE THE SHIT I RIGHT BECAUSE IT SEEMS RUSHED!

Chapters -> one ✨ two 🤠 three ✨ four 🤠 five

Arvin isnt a stalker, he just wanted to know where you live, turns out just across the woods. Lenora called him ‘freakin crazy’ while his grandmother called him ‘in love’. He wants to sneak you out so he does, he grabs his coat and nicer pants, he cleaned himself up, brushed his hair back with some water and brushrd his teeth.

“She is gonna love you man” he says to himself in the mirror, after checking himself out. He grabbed his keys and headed out.

You on the other hnd were right awake, thinking about the preacher and how disrespectful he was. “God he just seems-“ you cut yourself off, you were honestly having the second hand embarrassment, how it is to be in his place.

“Im not falling in fucking love, hes a white boy god dammit” you murmured, the room dark and the door closed while you placed your hands under your ear, closing your eyes.

Until you heard a light knock.

You jumped as you looked out your window, a hat appearing as hands start to open the window, you quickly got up and grabbed your heel. You grabbed the foot of it and held the heel up.

“Oh shit- how hard can it be to open a damn window?” You hear youre guessing a man groan, you walk up to the window and see white hands, your first instinct is to pierce it but you soon realize who it is.

“Shit arvin you scared me! I almost put a whole in your hand!” You whisper yelled as you put down the heel softly to not wake anyone up. You grab his hands and let him inside, softly planting his feet on the ground and looking at you with his chocolate brown eyes that the moon shone on.

“Hey” he let out a chuckle as he looked at you. “My dad is gonna kill me and you, what do you want arvin?” You ask seriously, placing your hands on your hips and honestly missing your bed.

“I-uh wanted to take you on a date- as i said theres a drive through and a movie is playing” “is this your ticket to makeout with me?” “I mean no- but that would be nice” you sigh, then you hear wood creak. “Shit! In the closet- NOW” you whisper yell, pushing him to the closet and closing it, throwing yourself on the bed and under the sheets.

Your door opens as your eyes are wide open, your father entering. “Why are you up? And why is your window open?” “Its hot and my head hurts a bit” “not sneakin boys in here are ya?” He switches on the light looking around in your room. “Now why would i do that, dad?” You let out a giggle. “I dont know, i hope you know your my little girl and your never leaving, ever” he lets out rather harshly. Arvin crinkled his eyebrows and mentally added notes about your father, now understanding what you meant earlier.

You gulp and nod, not wanting to answer. He smiles and turns off the light, closing your door all the way shut before stepping off. Sooner or later the closet door opened with a smiling arvin.

“Get changed! We gotta go!” He whisper yells, you smack your lips and sigh in defeat before getting up and walking over to your closet. “Well you gotta get out!” You say, he raises an eyebrow in confusion “of my closet?” He lets out an ‘ohh’ before standing up and dusting his pants off.

You take out some of your brothers jeans, a tank top and some 2 inch black heels. “Arent women not aloud to wear pants?” “So you arent a feminist?” Arvin lets out a ‘pffft’ “of course i am, Especially for you” “oh shut up and let me change” it became awkward of course as you had to hide yourself from arvin.

Of course you didnt have a bra on, so when you took off your night gown your breats slapped on your stomach, arvin just leaning against the window seal with his arm as he watchs you without hesitation “you are such a creep, i can feel you staring at me” you comment. He only giggles as he watches your back move, your glowing back move to put your black tank top on.

You turn to him and meet his eyes “turn around arvin” “why?” “So i can take off i pants?” “O-oh yeah” you give a smile while he turns around, dropping your pants still facing him you grab the jeans and slide them on.

Arvin really wanted to see you, he knows you arent shapped like these others, he wants to touch and admire you everywhere, every flaw would be his favorite part, he just needed his fingers on you. “You almsot done-“ “look?” You ask, he immediately turns around and meets your dressed body, well you didnt button your pants all the way, he smiled as he looked at you up and down “gorgeous” he licks his lips. “Havent took me on the first date” you remind him making him roll his eyes silently.

You both sat in the car, music distantly playing as he had his hand on your thigh, looking at you for some moments while you looked straight ahead. He looked again and you caught him “what?” You giggle, making him smile and blush “your like, really beautiful- i hope you believe me” you bite your lip and shrug “i dont know just yet”.

He bought you the famous pineapple upside down cake and some Bees Knees, as you guys pulled up in the drive through. “Scary movie, classic move arvin” you rolled your eyes. He only laughed as he continued to look for a spot “do like them?” “Yeah i do, which one is this?” “Only the famous Nosferatu” “cool” he chuckled as he parked his Chevrolet Bel Air in one of the best spots.

“I hope you dont think your getting me tonight” you look at him while he sios his drink, he only shrugs “you dont know” he winks. You smirk but turn away from him as you turn on the radio to the right channel, hearing the movie you grabbed a fork and took a bite out of the pineapple-cake.

About an hour in he tried his best to flirt with you. “Hey y/n” he said, you turned to him as he picked up the same fork you had and took a bite, sexually. You sucked in your lower lip to keep you from laughing as he continued to eat it and make eye contact with you. And then he wasn’t expecting it, you started cackling.

He didn’t understand why as he made sure to lick the fork clean. You were out of breath as he rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw. “I-im so-sorry” you only started to laugh harder “b-but that! I cant-“ “whatever” “dont get mad at me, im sorry” you sucked in your laughs and patted his shoulder, giving a playful frown as he looked back at you with his lips tucked to the side.

“Im not mad, no need to apologize hun” “oh we’re doing pet names?” “I mean, yeah” “alright sweetcheeks” you said as he smacked his lips and couldnt fight the urge smile.

He turned off the radio and turned to you, you had your heels off showing your pretty piggies that arvin laughed at, he looked up at you and seen you smiling at him. “What?” He asks, his cheeks slowly heating up. “Youre beautiful arvin” you complement as his cheeks become scarlet. “Your too sweet” he says back, biting his lip to stop himself from grinning more “well tell me about yourself, will ya?”

“What do you wanna know?” You ask as you lean back, your lower lip popping out over your top. “Your favorite color, movie something like that?” “Well, i like F/C my favorite movie is F/M my favorite food is F/F and i love rainy and cloudy days” “how come?” “My little brother, and because they are relaxing” you sigh and give a small smile.

“Well i like red, i dont really have a favorite movie? I love my grandmas cooking so i also dont have one, but i like sunny days- even though we rarely get those” he chuckles, you place your hand on top of his “how nice” you grin.

“I-i feel so embarrassed- about in church- god” he groans. “Dont be arvin- i dont care and nobdy else does- well i dont mean it like that but you know-“ “yeah” he sighs, relaxing a bit as his legs slightly open, his elbow on the ontop of the closed window as he rested his head on his cheek.

You felt happy but sad, you dont want him to feel that way at all, nobody deserves it, not even the racists deserve it. “Look let go of it, it was a moment and you are moving on” “you say that like it was a week ago” “oh well, arvin”

“So you snuck out last night?” Cloudy asks again for clarification, you look at him annoyed but nodded. He chukcled as he shuck his head “ what?!” You ask, slapping his arm as you guys walked down to the lake for a bit.

“Dad is gonna fucking kill you, do you even like this boy?” “We went in one date! And it was nice, we actually have an emotional connection” “how much?” He asks looking at you. “We talked the whole movie through” “i swear if he-“ “calm the hell down cloudy” you giggle, he only rolls his eyes as he huffs.

“I hope you know no one is gonna be happy” “well I guess im thankful for you” you wrap your arm around his arms, holding his shoulder in your hand and rubbing it some as he chukles. “How was school by the way?” You ask suddenly, he only shrugs as he looks at his moving feet “talk to me cloud”. “I seen lenora around and stuff” “did you talk to her?” “No” you sigh as you shake your head in disappointment.

“Well get out of your comfort zone- do something” you raise your eyebrow at him, slightly annoyed. “And who are you to tell me what to do?” He says, cocking the same eyebrow. “I am your sister, your older sister- the one who-“ “changed my diapers” cloudy mocks, already knowing what you were gonna say.

“Exactly, although we might not be able to do a whole lot of things that doesnt mean we cant bend the rules just a bit, right?” You give him a small smile as he chuckles “you are the exact opposite of dad” “i know- thats why you love me so much” you giggle as you take your hand from his shoulder and start walking normally side by side.

“Hey y/n?” Cloudy asked after a few minutes of silence, he looked at you as you hummed and told him to continue,” you know how you promise me and mom that youre gonna take us out of here?” You looked at him and nodded.

“Do you ever rethink it? Or even think about leaving us?” He hesitated. “Well- i dont pray, i dont work, and i barely help anyone. So sometimes i do think about it- think about if we do get stuck here, if we dont leave and if we are gonna stay miserable” “so yes?” You nod and poke your lower lip out.

“But when you saved lenora- do you think that god seen that as a good sign for you?- like arvin is a good sign?” He asks curiously, you only shrug and bite the side of your lip. “Are you telling me your believing in god now cloud?” You ask him. “I mean- he did make this earth right?”

You stop dead in your tracks and he follows turning to you as you put your hands on his shoulders and gives them a squeeze, making cloudy groan but pay attention. “Look here- i dont care that you belive in god- but what you wont do is put faith in that god damn preacher, ya hear?” You say sternly.

You were never really serious when you talked with cloud, you had no reason to be hard or hate him. Hes your younger brother after all right? But he knew when you gave him those talks he needed to agree, he always puts faith in you and believes what you say because your really all he has.

Dad is manipulative- whatever mom said to him was because dad told her to. When you were young you barely listened so he kinda gave up on you, so when cloudy was born you took him under your wing because you utterly refused for him to be brain washed by the asshole of a dad. Why did your mother even get with your dad? Because she was desperate and vulnerable.

She killed her brother, on purpose. Your uncle is sick- was sick. He tried to touch your mom also- to all the black folks she was the prettiest girl in the small town- and your father took advantage of it. Your mother was always a free woman and doesnt like to be trapped, but as she got older she grew tired and just gave up- just listened- it meant less work for her anyway.

He nodded “yes ma’am”. You give him a weak smile as you find yourself next to the river already. You heard giggles and the water waves as pictures flashed, then a strong punch. You silently slapped your brother as you told him to get down, both crouching knowing you had to get out of there.

“I want you to go the car cloud” you whisper at him, crawling ahead and turning to the bushes, slightly getting a view of the people- of course white people.

“Im not leaving you y/n-“

Shots fired.

“Get your dumbass to to the fuckin car NOW!” You whisper yell, cloud stunned but quickly taking the keys from you and running to the car. You start crawling more and see an old man, well mid-30s with a camera around his neck and a women fixing herself- and of course a dead man bare naked with bloody coming from between his legs.

You sat there, shaking, your hand making its way up to cover your mouth, your eyes widening with shock as they started to take care of it.

Now you knew better then to report it because it only meant bad for you, but what happend- what you just saw is absolutley horrible. You only froze and continued to watch almost forgetting about cloudy, you look back at the parked cars and back at the couple your guessing- but they’ve disappeared.

You took your chance now to run back to the car, lifting your pink dress and running in those combat boots. You saw cloudy basically mesmerized- paying no attention as he just looked ahead- the keys already in and the car started as you just drove away.

Taggie! @jeyramarie

#tom holland x reader #arvin russel x reader #arvin russel x black!reader #tom holland x black!reader #tom holland series #tom holland fanfic #tom holland x you #jb writes

[pigeonxp]

YGCMA songs and how they relate to c!Wilbur based off of yesterday’s lore (in my biased opinion)

This is so dumb and i literally don’t care. I can’t think about anything else other than doing this synopsis even tho like 28480329204 other people are going to do it. idc. 

(I listened to the songs earlier, and i’m also listening to them as i write the opinions. these are basically just my thoughts while listening tbh. im also not doing the full song, just some things i feel relate within each song)

- Jubilee Line

the lines at the beginning of the song, “hate to see you leaving / a fate worse than dying” could relate to how wilbur feels after tommy gets pulled back into the overworld. or, he could be referencing L’Manburg and how he hates to see his country leaving him (ouch). 

then we have the lines “your city gave me asthma / so thats why im fucking leaving / and your water gave me cancer / and the pavements hurt my feelings”. This could be in relation to L’Manburg as a whole. He put everything he had into L’Manburg and it only ended up hurting him in the end. yikes. 

now we have “shout at the wall / ‘cause the walls dont fucking love you” repeated. This could be in reference to when he said he was fucking kicking and screaming to get out of the train station. hes screaming and he doesnt care because it doesnt matter to him. it doesnt love him just like how the people of L’Manburg didnt love him. wilbur get therapy challenge.

so based on the lore from yesterday, we know that c!wilbur’s limbo was a train station (props to fanartists. i love you.), presumably the YCGMA album cover type deal. when he sings “Theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the tube line / theres a reason / that London puts barriers on the rails” repeated. if the train station looks like how they do on the album cover, there could be barriers where he is. maybe hes trying his best to just kill himself over again by jumping onto the tracks. just in an attempt to escape. jfc 

“theres a reason they fail”. he was still in the train station, wasnt he?

- Saline Solution

for this one, i feel like hes pretty far into the void and regretting his decision to have phil kill him. hes tired of being in a fucking train station for years on end. 

“i think this time im dying / im not melodramatic / im just pragmatic beyond any / reasoning for thinking ive got / fuckin rabies or something.” hes so fucking sick of being in this goddamn train station and he thinks hes dying. hes so pent up and sick of being there, maybe hes just in so much pain that he feels like hes dying. if hes been there for a while, hes probably bound to go crazy at some point, hence the “pragmatic beyond any reasoning.”

“I think ive lost my mind / blurring the fact and the fictions” this feels like he really does believe hes going crazy and is mixing up the things he really knows and the things his mind is creating for him. maybe this is when tommy first arrived and he cant tell if he real or not (thats a stretch but i figured id share it anyway.)

“I think ive made my choice / im a deceased playing victim / slip the face, slip the victory” he quite literally says that hes a deceased playing victim. hes literally saying hes dead HAHHAHAH anyway. maybe hes blaming himself again, because us c!wilbur apologists all know that hes very good at doing that.

“Sit secluded in hatred /.../” hes sitting in a fucking train station for god knows how long beating himself up over and over again and just hating himself. hes all alone. with himself. someone he fucking loathes.

this is honestly all i have for Saline Solution, but i will definitely add more later if i get different theories. 

- Since I Saw Vienna

This is my favorite song on the album and my comfort song so that could factor into this bit ahaha

im going to skip through this one a little bit and go to the line “The roads are my home, horizons my target / if i keep on moving, never lose sight of it / treating my memory of you like a fire, let it / burn out, don’t fight it, try to move on” this sounds like hes reminiscing on his home in L’Manburg and his presidency was something he relied on and he would fight to get it back, but now that hes dead and said that it should remain that way that he should just let it go. trying to move on from his symphony, forever unfinished. 

 “its been sixty weeks since i saw vienna / a bandage and a wide smile slapped across my face / ill pick up my hiking boots when i am ready / and ill put down my roots when im dead.” THESE LINES FUCK ME UP IN GENERAL BUT HOW THEY RELATE TO C!WILBUR RN IS JUST SUIBHYSBUSHDXNSKJDNHBD YK???? in the context that vienna is L’Manburg and he died, its saying that its been a long ass time since hes seen it and hes faking being okay about his death. he misses it but doesnt want to admit it. the picking up the hiking boots when hes ready is him moving on from his L’Manburg, and putting his roots down when hes dead is finally being okay with not living there/being an important part of it. he believed his death was the best for the people in L’Manburg and L’Manburg itself. it seems like hes still trying to convince himself. 

“Ill be gone then, for when you must be alone.” hes gone. hes dead. hes in the train station. he left the L’Manburgians alone and hes alone in his limbo. man. 

- Losing Face

this song is angry. hes so fucking angry. my thoughts are that this is about the following presidents after him. he feels like the L’Manburgians were happier without him and im pretty sure he believed that even when Schlatt was president. this is so evident in the lyric “Is he better than me?” Hes literally asking if the other presidents were better than he was. he doesnt believe he did everything he could to be the best president, even though we all know that he gave everything that he was into that country and then some. he broke himself for the L’Manburg but he doesnt believe hes enough. sheesh.

“Ive seen him / ive been him / ive felt the same way” even though he cant see the new presidents being president, he knows what its like. he knows that they might break under the pressure. hes been there. he knows how if feels. yikes. 

“Ive lost all meaning / ive lost my sense of hope” this feels like when he was nearing the end of L’Manburg when he blew it up, and that he feels like trying to win it back is pointless. he has no hope for it anymore, so why not give up? his mental state is already shit yk so i cant really blame him for feeling that way. 

“i dont care / i want you here / as long as youre happy, i dont care” this line. this fucking line. hes lost hope in being president, but he doesnt care. he just wants the L’Manburgians to be happy. that was his whole thought process while he was president. he didnt matter to himself, he just wanted them to be happy. he sacrificed his mental state for them. cries in wilbur apologist.

- Your Sister Was Right

this is my second favorite song on the album i think HAHAHAH

anyway

“I use everyone i ever meet / i cant find the perfect match / abuse those i love / while i ostracize the ones who love me / back.” wowie wow wow fucking ouchie. He feels like he uses his friends. this whole thing is a projection of his shit ass mental state rn fucking hell. he feels like hes abusive. thats what everyones been telling him. they tell him he was awful and a shit president and all that jazz even though hes been killing himself trying to be the best for them but its still not enough (pigeon projecting? more likely than you think)

“every time that i miss you / i feel the way you hurt / and i dont deserve you / you deserve the world / though it feels like we were built / from the same dirt.” man. hes dead lol. he misses the L’Manburgians. not only were they his supporters, but they were all his friends too. every time he misses his friends he feels their pain of when he first blew up L’Manburg. he feels like because he caused them all pain that they dont like him and that they never liked him and that he is undeserving of their friendship. he still wants to be friends with them. he still loves them. he still wants the best for them. he thinks theyre so much better than him even though they all created L’Manburg together. in reality they are all the same, but their actions impact each other and he feels that his actions make him worse than them or less than. fuckisonmdfnpbhife

“and i hate to say it / but your sister was right / dont trust english boys / with far too much free time” sister is dream mayhaps. fuckngeionsfjg that hurt sorry uhhh anyway yeah sister is dream?? he did say that wilbur would be a shit president and he believes that hes a shit president so he thinks they were all right about him being a shit president  fbhjebinfnejg. maybe sister is just everyone who didnt believe in wilbur. man....

“a fucking waste of time” do i even need to explain this one? he fr doesnt belive hes worth it anymore and that hes literally a waste of time. hjkfbhnfve

- La Jolla

this one feels pretty far into train station limbo to me as well. namely from “and im lonely / there i said it” this could either be him being lonely as president and feeling like he doesnt have anyone to talk to really because hes too busy trying to hold himself together for everyone. either that or hes lonely in the station and didnt want to admit it because this is what he wanted. he wanted to die. he wanted to be dead because he believed thats what everyone else wanted and he just wanted the best for them. 

“i could go away / i could pack my things and be gone before you wake” he could leave if they asked him to. he would do anything for them. 

“you know ive tried hard to love me too / it always seems to fall in, through” this line already physically pained me but now it hurts even more having to relate it to a character i love. we already know that his mental state was declining as his presidency continued, but this would confirm that hes just trying to love himself even though he can never seem to get it right. 

“my own personal sunset” this is just the ‘this is my sunrise’ line but different. my man misses the sun. fuck. 

- I’m Sorry Boris

this song is almost definitely from a long ass time in the limbo. 

“and im sorry / but, boris / im leaving / im not good for anyone here” boris represents L’Manburgians!! hes talking about how hes leaving the world by planning on killing himself. fuck. 

“we reached the end of a decade” mans been dead for a decade. sheesh. 

he then goes on to say that he cant believe hes leaving, he doesnt think he wants to leave them, but he thinks its whats best for them.

he talks about how they do all of these bullshit things before helping you and i know its in reference to london but for the sake of my sanity its about the presidency role and how it will fuck you up before bothering to help you not want to kill yourself.  

should i do a separate post about how i visualized it/about how i thought about the song in paragraph form like a lowkey explanation? idk how to explain it but in this one i wanted to just cover some of the lyrics of the songs and my thoughts on them. i think c!wilbur wrote these in the limbo after he died. i know this is also shit and Not Good, but i really just needed to get my thoughts out before it killed me. i also didnt reread this. its probably repetitive and shit yk. i do Not Care. id also love to hear thoughts on this if yall want to. if you made it this far i love you please hydrate and eat today and youre so sexy ahaha 

“and even though im finished / im not quite done with it” even though hes finishing his symphony by blowing it up, hes now realizing he wished he hadnt blown it up and that he hadnt killed himself. man. 

-

#tw death #tw suicide #wilbur soot #ycgma #dream smp #tommyinnit #dream #c!wilbur #fuck i love this album

[emakenz]

tw violence, csa, cocsa, vent

bruh i was chillin and my idiot brother who i disowned long ago was complaining about how all the pop was diet, and i told him hes a grown boy he can get his own pop, as hes 25 ya kno. we have diet pop bc i am tryna cut off on sugar and caffeine, ya know yeah. Yeah. well hes like stfu shut your fucking mouth and he comes up to me, grips my shoulder really hard, and "punches" me for a solid minute (he wasnt actually hitting me but his fist got super close each time he hit) and starts going off on how i need to shut my mouth n shit like. cry about it lil bitch youre 25 LMFAO and literally RIGHT BEFORE THAT the mf was saying i needed a lashing with an electric wire???? like BITCH get over yourself. he stayed mad for the rest of the time i was home, as i had to leave for the doctor, but seriously. i fucking hate him. i was laughing, i didnt even flinch, i wasnt phased at all and it pissed him off. what angered me was when he stormed off yelling about how he'll make a REAL case for cps to investigate. that fucking got me. im going to fucking get him back. for everything. hes never been good to me. fuck him. gonna try to find a way to get his ass sent to a mental hospital bc he fucking needs it. i want him to feel what i felt. i didnt need to go there but i was almost forced, luckily we found a way out, but him? no loopholes for him, i will find a way to get him stuck there. and after that? who knows. not gonna get thrown in jail over his ass, fuck that, gonna make him out himself. prove hes unstable and dangerous (not really just really fucking stupid) and deserves to be locked away and drugged up like they wanted to do to me for having SYMPTOMS of TRAUMA that he fucking ENFORCED ON ME. he doesnt remember nobody remembers except me nobodys helped me nobody fucking cares. flashbacks are coming again and im so fucking pent up. this family is full of sa of all kinds, especially csa, and i dont want to be part of it anymore i want to leave but i dont wanna leave my parents or my uncles and aunts and some of my cousins bc some of them are people i actually care about but its the reminders that nobody truly fucking cares. i cant be mad about it either bc everyone else has been through similar, theyre desensitized, including my brother. no fucking compassion. theres sympathy and empathy but no compassion. i feel my own emotions kind of fading at points as the depression kicks in and im exhausted and nobody cares nobody knows how to help, nobody truly wants to help. im void of feeling atm. like this is a major mood swing and i feel off but i cant find it in myself to do anything about it. i dont care either. i feel like im slowly becoming a sociopath, and it scares me yet doesnt affect me at all. idk man im tired

#yes the pic is on purpose #you can rb this if you want #im fine im just tired man #vent tw #i didnt realize i was so mad until i started writing this then it got deeper and yeah #sorry about this LFMAKFKKD #but yeah dw i really am genuinely fine #i just wanted this outta my system #and if you come into my inbox or anything offering help. just know that its appreciated but i aint just going to lay loads on one person #like i understand you might wanna help but theres nothing to be done really #if you wanna add on to this you can btw!! #this can be a vent thread if need be! #get it outta yalls systems too

[vanityloves]

ive said it before but gorillaz kinda lost me after phase 4ish. as much as i love seeing/getting new content, it doesn't necessarily mean its good, character/story development wise? I'm sure ill enjoy the visuals and story bc its now 'canon' that mr. niccals is a #sadboi - but its something we already knew and really took away a lot of creativity/left little to the imagination which kinda sucks.

It extremely woobifies/infantilizes not just Murdoc, but 2D as well. Russ and Noodle were given pretty bare bones and not much structure. (granted, Noodle was a little girl at the very beginning so ofc theres gonna be changes in personality, mentality, etc). So, it's upsetting to see these gritty characters being boiled down to just a few traits by the creators and making them "cardboard cutouts", (stated by pal/eimita/torz). They've lost all sense of 'realness' which is, yknow, fair considering theyre Fictional. But no one gets mad anymore? Theres no banter, tension, urgency, spitefulness, etc. They all seem like Good Pals.

Russ had a lot of potential, being the smartest and most qualified person there (said in canon) so it's a shame that now hes Food Jokes and Whatever. Wasnt he also a bit of a skeptic with the whole possession thing and stuff? What happened to that? Is he just Cool ab everything now? Is he over the whole 'i saw my friends die right before my eyes' because. Great. /s

Noodle is the Sexy BossBitch, which is...neat I guess - shes still optimsitic and sweet too but thats kind of it? I swear they stated they didnt want to sexualize her in a interview but I could be pulling it out of my ass. She seems distant in terms of relationships bewteen the band. I just dont know about her besides her being Pretty now. Does she have anything to say ab the El Manana incident or ab Kyuzo? She just doenst have other emotions other than Happy.

2D was always seen as the lil bitch of the band which, honestly isnt true? Hes shown to be snarky and angry, and hes never condoned any of their shitty actions, but recently hes been "its just me and good pal Murdoc that I care about so much". Yes, hes stated to be "dense", a bit of an airhead but he rarely says things that are revelatent to the conversation/interview and it makes him sound like a child, or straight up stupid (which he canonly is not - he had good grades in school at least and he can hold conversations just fine, but suddenly he cant?)

Murdoc is definitely getting hit w/ censorship and the like, the hardest. His character is based around terrible habits, shitty behavior, and general ugliness. He's definitely become more or less, 'child friendly' in recent content. Always has been entitled/selfish, rude, and a spiteful person - despite that he was very real in terms of showing the fucked up parts of being a Person. The entire phase has been him feeling guilty and openly crying which just seems...so out of character for someone like him? I think its fine to show humility and guilt as a character develops but what he was originally intended to be was completely thrown out the window.

#ive been reading long term fans ab the whole lost chord stuff and 'evolution' of the band #im still excited for it for sure! but im just yknow! #i know i sound like the 'fan thats always unhappy' #im actually ok w/ murdoc bejng shown as 'emotional'. but he runs off of anger and spite. so this is sumn different #'but i thought you wanted him to show guilt and apologize' i still do but where id all the stuff leading up tp that? BUT on the flipside #i dont. i truly agree that some things.... are better when theyre left to the imagination. #in my head im like awhyeah B) gonna makes this dude experience emotions behind closed doors #idk this is just a chance to take what i like and trash everything else #brainworm ivy #hi yes im more talkative ab my thoughts now. and no one can stop me #gorillaz rambles #also im fine w/ them being buds n bein cool but also... realistically theres a lot of damage jdjdjd #not every chara...needs to be redeemed / forgiven... #also uhh I know im a self ship blog but im just like #i separate how i interpret Their Canon and My Canon sometimes. #its usually one in the same but i like to talk ab it as a 'alt timeline' type of thing idk if that makes sense #anyways. heres more shit.

[sortagaysortahigh]

Sometimes I think that everyone in my life thinks I’m broken and I’m the only one who finally thinks I’m whole-all of my physical, mental, and emotional scars might be there and sure some are more obvious than others but I’m whole. Like they want me to be fixed but truthfully you can never fix something that was broken-it’ll never be back in it’s original state but thats okay. Sometimes things come out even more beautiful in the end-kinda like Kintsugi art.

Not to get emo on the dash or whatever but I think when I genuinely learned that I wasnt my bpd or that any of my mental illnesses defined me and confined me to a box and a space I think that I really started to love myself and to want to keep experiencing things and seeing myself grow y’know? Bc you never see how much youve grown until you look back on things. Like 2015 me? God I was so fucked up in 2015 and I was teetering on the edge so fucking often because I thought I was my mental illness, I’d spent my entire life conditioned to believe that I was every negative thing about myself andeven after going through some rough shit and making it out I never really grew past that. It took me years to get to where I am now with my mental health but shit man it was all worth it. All that pain and hurt and genuine confusion over who the fuck I even was outside of all of the negatives, shit man the amount of therapy I had to go through? The treatments? The restless nights? The hospital visits? The psych ward and those rucking slanted door knobs and rubber lined socks? God damn life is fucking crazy and has a way of fucking you so hard that you have no choice but to take it. This isnt even one of my usual motivational ass posts its just genuinely me. Ive been in so much pain in my life that I wouldnt wish on anyone-not even my worst enemy but god damn I’m thankful for all of it. As fucked up as it is to say I’m thankful for my trauma-I am. My trauma made me who I am today, my trauma motivates me to take care of myself and to be there for others when they cant be there for themselves. My trauma reminds me of who I was in the past, and it shows me who I am now-it reminds me how far I’ve come and even if I didn’t deserve any of this shit, I still know how to deal with it and I know how to roll with the punches because I’m not my trauma. I’m not my menta illness, I’m not my pain. Those are all parts of me but there’s so much more and everyday I get to share that with the people I love and with strangers I’ll probably never meet again. I like to tell myself that I’m my own light in the dark, and if I can be my own light then I can help other people find theirs.

Shit isnt always easy man, sometimes I have to sit outside in the thunderstorms with my knees to my chest while I stare up at the sky because its the only thing that I can really feel in the moment-sometimes I’m so fucking numb that I cant fucking move. Sometimes I’m back to teetering on that edge and I have to just stare at it because wtf ima do? Jump? Fuck that. If i jump then what happens? If I jump I wont be able to see the sunrise tmrw or see my cat or hear the sounds of the birds chirping that always remind me how much i dont like birds. I won’t be able to listen to the same song fifty times tomorrow and I won’t be able to tell my friends about my newest crystal because I wont be there to open the package when it comes. So as shitty as it is-I stick it through because if I’ve come this far theres no point in quitting now. We all kick the bucket eventually but I still havent gotten to see olivia rodrigo in concert or found five four leaf clovers in a row or conquered my never ending fear of swimming so guess what bitches? I’m not kickin the bucket until I’m old and bitter enough to be able to sit in my front lawn and cuss out neighborhood kids for walking on the grass that Ive put little to no effort into but love regardless bc its my grass.

Idk man, find something-anything to look forward to. Or do what I do, look forward to getting to know yourself more and more every day, think about how Itll feel in five, ten, fifteen years when youre looking back on your life and can smile at how far youve come. Hold onto that sliver of light that feels so fucking far sometimes because shit man if 15 year old me did it? Then i know you can too. God that bitch was so fucked and she hated the world and felt like the world hated her too, she felt like the universe put her here as a punishment and that she’d never be enough. Sometimes i look in the mirror and I see her and all I can do is smile because look at how far we’ve come

#long post #tw bpd #tw suicide #tw depression