#it naps a lot on Lucas’s shoulder and after him and Max start dating it clings to her as well and Lucas gets jealous | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strangerstuffandthingsimagines · 6 years

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It Comes And Goes In Waves (Billy Hargrove x Reader)

Summary: A confrontation with Billy Hargrove leads to a revelation within himself.

Warnings: Mentions of Bullying (name calling based on appearance), Billy’s abuse, ANXIETY and depression (Vaguely)

A/N: The title is a lyric from my favourite song, I cry every time I hear it. This is a product of me feeling extremely anxious and thinking about things that affected me so severely, that it’s shaped who I am today. I was bullied A LOT as a kid and has left me pretty broken (as cliche as that sounds). I’ve been suffering from anxiety attacks for the past few weeks and I couldn’t focus on anything, but after writing this I felt a weight lift off my chest. Sorry if this is too deep for a Tuesday evening, I just needed somewhere to vent so I thought I’d do it through writing and providing you with some content. If anyone who reads this ever needs to talk about anything, my inbox and DM’s are always open. If you’re lonely, just know I am too, and I’m always here to talk. I’m off to bed and will edit tomorrow.

You stood in the kitchen mixing together the macaroni and cheese for the group of children in the basement. Your mom had somehow convinced you to babysit for the Sinclair’s, while your parents went on a double date with the Mr and Mrs of the household.

As you stirred the wooden spoon around your mind began to wander, you were completely burnt out from school, as well as pretty much anything and everything. You were an anxious person, it was crippling at times. You felt as if you were in a perpetual state of nervousness and hardly found yourself able to pinpoint a reason.

You turned the dial of the burner off and moved the pot to the side, it looked edible for the most part.

The doorbell rang out of nowhere, which made you jump in your spot.

You made your way to the front door, expecting it to be Mrs. Sinclair coming back to grab her purse or something along those lines.

You pulled the door open and felt your heart drop into your stomach as you saw the face of a stranger.

“Hi.” You said in a small voice. “Can I help you?”

The stranger gave you a smirk, before reaching out to shake your hand.

“I’m Billy, Billy Hargrove.” He introduced smoothly. “I’m here to make sure Max got here safely, her mother’s request. She’s my step sister by the way.”

You nodded slowly, your eyes glancing over to a piece of paper that had been taped to the wall next to the door, out of view from the visitor.

Scribbled with black sharpie was a simple yet aggressive statement.

“DON’T TALK TO BILLY -Lucas”

You brought your attention back to the boy in front of you, now slightly panicked on what to do.

“Um, well I’m the babysitter...yeah I’ll just go get her.” You mumbled, not thinking as you motioned for him to come in.

“How come I haven’t seen you around?” He asked, still pulling the charm on you.

“Oh, um well...wait a second.” You said suddenly recognizing his face. “You go to Hawkins High School, right?”

“So you’ve heard of me?” He said, his mouth forming into another intimidating smirk.

“Yeah, I go there...too.” You trailed off, now feeling extremely uncomfortable by the whole social interaction. “Anyways, um, just wait here I’ll go get her.”

He stood by the door as you turned to head toward the basement, your hand holding onto the railing.

The group of children were in deep discussion, talking about a wizard crossing paths with ogres or something. You hesitated before knocking on the open door, not wanting to interrupt their game.

“Hey, guys?” You said softly, the children paying no attention to you. You froze up, you were probably the worst babysitter on the face of the earth.

You sort of stood there in silence trying to figure out how to get their attention, that is until a boy with shaggy hair took notice and nudged Lucas.

“Oh hey Y/N, is the Mac and cheese done?” He asked, shushing his friends when they continued to ramble about their game.

“Yeah...it is...but uh, hey there’s a guy upstairs, Max’s brother-STEP BROTHER.” You quickly corrected yourself.

The red-haired girl gave the others a look, more of annoyance than anything, she got up as did the others.

“I’m coming.” She said, you nodded and led the heard upstairs.

“She’s coming.” You said softly as you returned to the foyer.

“Thank you so much.” He thanked, his voice almost sultry.

“No problem, they were just...down stairs.” You said giving a small thumbs up, just waiting for this entire evening to come to an end.

“What is it Billy?” Max snarled coming into the entryway, arms folded and eyes narrowed.

He furrowed his brow and his jaw tightened into a line.

“Listen dipshit, your mom asked me to check and make sure you made it here okay.” He snapped. “You forgot to call.”

You were taken back by his sudden attitude change, no more Casanova persona.

“Tell her I forgot and that I’m sorry.” She apologized, more so for her mother than for Billy.

He gave her a hard look.

“Whatever, don’t be so stupid.” He snapped before storming out the front door.

You stood there for a minute, Max left to join the others in the kitchen to eat.

Something came over you, a surge of adrenaline pulsing through you, maybe that or just pure anger over his words.

You snuck out the front door, wrapping your arms around yourself as the air was cool.

“Hey!” You called out, Billy already unlocking his door. He turned around and started his act again, his mouth about to pull into a smile.

“Cut the bullshit.” You snapped at him, mirroring how he had spoken to Max. “You-You can’t talk to people like that, it can really fuck them up in the long run.”

He gave you an amused look, taken back by your own change in attitude.

“And what the hell are you talking about, doll?” He asked now making his way toward you.

“What you said back there, don’t call her stupid or dipshit.” You affirmed, losing your fire slowly. “Listen, take it from me, when you grow up being called names it ruins your self-esteem. Not that you’d care, you probably don’t give a shit about anyone.”

His face formed a questionable gaze, for once he didn’t have a snarky remark to fire back.

“See you around.” You said, not caring anymore if he had anything else to add or say.

Billy watched you go back into the house, not exactly knowing how to feel. He played with the keys in his hands, chewing on his bottom lip.

You returned to the kitchen, wiping the sweat from your palms onto your jeans.

“I didn’t know you could yell like that.” Lucas commented before taking a sip of his Pepsi.

“Thanks...for that.” Max said, her mouth was forming a small smile.

“Sure, Yeah...Sorry I just kind of...got pissed-MAD!” You corrected, realizing you swore in front of the thirteen-year-olds. “I just got mad at what he said to you guys.”

“Billy’s an asshole, he nearly killed Steve, you know Steve? With the hair?” Mike said with a mouth full of macaroni. “Oh, and he was ready to beat up Lucas for hanging around Max.”

“Why? How could someone be that...angry.” You trailed off slowly piecing together the puzzle.

You fumbled to open the lock on your locker as your arms were full of loose papers and books.

You hated the location of your locker, the smell of burning rubber from the gym always leaked into the hall. The boys' basketball team was always running around in there, their shoes squeaking against the linoleum floor.

You swung the metal door open and put away your work, you had been staying late to get your assignments finished.

Billy dabbed the sweat from his forehead as he breathlessly exited the gym, making his way to the showers. Then he saw you.

He let out a scoff, turning his feet toward you.

You closed your locker door, mind racing with stress as you were planning out if you’d nap when you got home and then start on your history essay, or start the essay and then nap. You nearly smacked into Billy’s bare chest when you turned around to leave, although you stepped back in surprise before you could.

“Woah!” You exclaimed.

He cocked an eyebrow with amusement.

“Great, I know.” He remarked, you felt your cheeks heat up.

“No, I meant...you scared me.” You said, brushing past him.

“Hey wait, come on can we please talk?” He called, annoyed with your stubbornness.

You glanced behind and sped up, which made Billy speed up.

“Why do you hate me so much?” He said angrily. “Ever since I bumped into you at Sinclair’s house you won’t give me the time of day.”

You stopped dead in your tracks, now annoyed with him just as annoyed he was with you.

“I don’t give you the time of day?” You snarled. “Me? What about you, you didn’t even know who the fuck I was until I called you out. Who cares about what I think? What does it matter to you?”

Billy folded his arms across his chest and stood taller.

“I don’t care.” He stated.

“Okay? Then leave me alone, it’s not that deep.” You said more softly.

“Just tell me why, humour me.” He pressed.

Your shoulders sank, starting to feel anxious by the whole situation.

“Because your a bully.” You admitted, not meeting his eyes.

“What?” He sounded hurt more than anything. “Why?”

You licked your bottom lip, finally giving into his look.

“You were mean to Lucas, your mean to your step sister. You could’ve killed Steve, I see the way you treat people.” You explained, taking a deep breath. “You know, I think the reason why it bothers me so much is because it reminds me of when I was younger. Do you know what it’s like to be called names?”

Your voice began to crack as you delved into your past.

“How about fat, cow, ugly? Do you know what it’s like to be ridiculed and made fun of for how you look or how shy you are? I can barely talk to people or make connections because I’m scared of what they’ll say. The possibility of being hurt again.” You continued.

“I wouldn’t call you things like that.” He began before you cut him off.

“What about when you told Max that all the girls were cows? What does that make me? She’s told me what you did.” You said, your eyes welling up. “You know, when I think of you, I wonder what you would’ve said to me if you were around then.”

You shook your head at yourself, wondering why you even bothered with him.

“Things have changed since then.” His eyes pleaded. “Look, I can’t explain to you why but...can you please just give me a chance to make it up to you?”

You raised an eyebrow, completely confused by his fixation in your approval.

“Why?” You asked.

“Because you said something to me. You didn’t take my shit, I don’t know...I just want to know you better.” He explained, you could sense his genuine intentions.

You let out a sigh, craning your head back and staring up at the ceiling.

“Fine.” You gave in.

“Fine.” He replied.

You sat under the porch light and waited anxiously for Billy to pull up. No matter how many times you told yourself this wasn’t a date, a small part of you knew it was.

“Hey, stranger.” Billy greeted, a toothy grin on his face.

You stood up from your spot, giving shy smile and wave.

“Hey...so what are we going to do tonight?” You asked curiously.

He offered his arm to you, wanting you to take it. You hesitantly accepted, part of you worried if this was all some sort of scheme.

“I thought we could go for a walk.” He said, guiding you down the quiet street.

“Okay...just don’t pull a Jason Voorhees on me.” You joked.

“I promise I won’t, I just wanted to talk actually.” He said smiling.

There was a silence between you two for a moment until he let out a shaky sigh.

“Well um...I was thinking about what you said and you’re right. I am...a bully.” He admitted, almost shamed. “It bothered me at first but the more I thought about it-“

He breathed heavily through his nose, starting to worry about what you’d think. He’d never admit it to you, but he did care what people thought about him. He cared so much that it ruled his life.

“It bothers me because I don’t want to be like-like my dad.” He finally said. “But I am, and I hate it. Every time I’m mean to someone I think about my dad hitting me, I think about him calling me names. Sometimes it feels like...this is stupid, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

He pulled away from you, hiding his face from you.

“Billy, I didn’t know.” You scratched your head, feeling guilty about yelling at him. “I shouldn’t have-I just.”

“You were right, and you shouldn’t be sorry for that.” Now facing you, there was a glossiness in his eyes. “Sometimes I get so-I’m so angry and I blame everyone else but-but I’m just mad at myself. I’m so mad at myself and I can’t take it, so I take it out on everyone else.”

He didn’t know why he felt he had to tell you this, but there was this urgency in him.

“I’m pretty angry too.” You confessed, Billy’s eyes locking with yours. “I’m sad too, sometimes I don’t know why , but I try to put the blame somewhere or on someone but I can’t.”

You didn’t think you and Billy Hargrove would connect in this way, or at all for that matter. Billy saw you for your kind soul, he was drawn to you because of that.

You placed a kiss on his cheek, his face visibly softening at the touch.

“You know, this is the first time I haven’t felt alone.” You said as you pushed a piece of hair out of Billy’s eyes.

Billy’s thumb rubbed against your cheek, his eyes looked at your lips.

“Can I kiss you?” He said with zero control, it was more of an instinct.

Your lips met his, answering his question. He placed his hands on the small of your back, the other cradling your head. It was gentle and sweet, it brought comfort to both of you, forgetting about the worries and fears that clouded your skies.

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