#it needs an id and the id is long so it probs won't be much shorter

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

Your book sounds so cool!!!

AAAAAA, THANK YOU SO MUCH! It's called The Tale of the Evil Sorcerer/O Conto do Feiticeiro Maligno and it's free to read over Wattpad, but there isn't an english translation and I prob won't do that any time soon, as I'm going to rewrite it someday.

It's about an "evil" sorcerer who kidnapped a princess by accident, only to fall in love at first sight with the knight who came to save her. Things become worse when the princess figures out the sorcerer was never evil at all, but he's so bad at communication that he just let the rumors spread because it was easier than dealing with them, so she decides to strike a deal: She'll help him try to talk with the knight, who also happens to be her BFF, and in turn he will teach her how to be a sorcerer. And no, the knight has no idea what's going on, and he's also been indocrinated his whole life to beliefe that magic = SUPER BAD.

I love these three idiots so much. The sorcerer is called Meia-Noite (Midnight in english), princess is Valentyna, and the knight is Edgar. They share one (1) braincell and are all doomed by the narrative, except the story has a happy ending for everyone. The only villain who's not sympathetic is a transphobe named Joanne Atropa and she's english-coded. This is not a reference to an IRL transphobe/neonazi author, uh-uh, never! Infodump under the cut:

Meia-Noite is a gay disaster who lives in a fortress he found at age 13 in the middle of a jungle. Goth, anxious, and is actually a healer and not a shadow manipulator like the rumors say. He helps people if they get lost and need someone to treat their injuries because his duty as a healer is capable of overtaking his fear of strangers. He's tall with long dark hair but if the wind hits him a bit too hard he goes flying with it, the guy is a STICK.

Edgar is a bi knight who has trained his entire life to protect the girl he sees as a sister. He's autistic, albino and is REALLY serious about his duties as a knight (he's 17) to the point he forgot about everything else. Outside the harsh exterior he's actually a huge sweetie who loves photography and is super curious about magic, but feels super guilty and bad about it.

Valentyna is a lesbian princess who's a prodigy at almost everything she does, but her parents refuse to teach her light magic and she's desperate to help the people of her kingdom. This girl punched Meia the SECOND she was able to do so during the kidnapping, she may not know what she's doing but somehow she is winning the game. She cares so much about everyone around her! Also adopted an albino snake and named it Açúcar (Sugar) 15 seconds after finding her in the palace's gardens.

My girlfriend also wanted to say this:

[image id: "ALSO YOU NEED TO MENTION AÇÚCAR. lovely baby, has never done anything wrong, most important character". end image id]

Some other characters include:

Olhos de Fogo (Fire Eyes), a HUGE dumbass who's also a sorcerer. Pan king, ranked #1 arsonist over three different kingdoms, also ranked most handsome character by the readers (somehow!!!!! People love to thirst over him!) and has a "very gender" title given by me. Doomed by the narrative except unlike the trio he just accepts his fate because he's a huge loser. If this will end well for him or not it's something everyone has yet to see. My girlfriend has this to say about him:

[image id: "i love my terrible slutty son tho". end image id.]

Angélica, Meia's adopted sister, can see the future sometimes and is also a fashion enthusiasts. Use the people in the "fortress" she lives in as test subjects for her clothes, girlie is always tired and a bit terrified of the future ahead but trying her BEST to stay positive. And failing. I want to give her a special treatment in the rewrite because I think she deserves it.

Comandante (Commander), has this name because they're the commander of the non-binary nation. Accidentally misheard Meia-Noite and thought they were supposed to KIDNAP Valentyna instead of politely taking her over for a conversation about why her parents are incompetent at their jobs, now must be the parent friend to everyone. I love them so much, they're an icon to me.

Elisabeth, a princess from a rival kingdom who may or may not be Valentyna's crush. A bit more on the gothic side, had a pretty unusual childhood and her tweenhood was pretty hard. Tries her best to look eloquent and always knowing what to do, but really, REALLY wants to be a bit more loose. She and Tyna will have an enemies/rivals to lovers arc in the rewrite bc why not.

IT/THAT THING/ANYTHING/THE ???????????. A creature that's always watching. Also may be the guy that gave Meia half of his trauma.

The NARRADORA, AKA Narrator, the girl who's telling this story. It's her first big assignment and she LOOOVES saying her opinions about what is going on, much to her professor/adopted father's dismay.

THE NARRADOR, AKA Narrator but masc, is Narradora's older brother and a lot more kept-together than her, except it's all a facade for an equally chaotic creature. Loves gossip.

THE PROTAGONISTA, AKA Protagonist, who's ALSO another narrator. Super insecure because he's still training to be a storyteller, but he has his boyfriend (Narrador) and best friend (Narradora) to help.

THE LOCUTOR, who only appears to narrate like three times max. Older brother figure of the group, a huge cryptid who seems to be the coolest thing ever until you discover he stole an one-night-stand's head for funsies and is yet to give it back.

THE HOMEM VELHO, AKA Old Man, the professor of the group. Never makes a proper apparition but I want to mention him because he's a tired dad, someone PLEASE give him a break.

#o conto do feiticeiro maligno #ocdfm #☀️ #ask tag #garca writing

[agaypanic]

why do you delete requests? that's kinda rude 🤨

i was gonna give a response that could read as bitchy (or just delete this ask, that would've been kinda funny lol) bc like... i dont think it's rude. also im pretty sure ive explained this before, and you can see in my requesting rules my reasons for why i would delete a request. but ill tell you anyway. (dont take a shot every time i say "request", you'll prob get alcohol poisoning)

first of all, i dont delete that many requests. it's a very occasional thing. id say ive only deleted about 5-10% of the requests that ive gotten ever since i started doing requested work, which has been probably 3-4 years atp.

CLOSED INBOX

this has become a new rule (new as in 6 or so months old) but i don't accept requests while my inbox is closed for requests. i close my inbox for a reason. when i get a large amount of requests, i close it so i can work on what ive been given, and then i open it back up when i've gotten through all of my requests.

i do this so I don't feel too overworked and so it's not unfair to the people who requested something. there would be no point in having this rule if i just accepted a request regardless of when i say whether or not im accepting requests (i did this for a long time which became very overwhelming for me at times which is why it's now enforced this way). and it would be unfair to others who either already requested or are waiting for my inbox to open so they can request, because id be spending more time writing which would lead to my inbox being closed for longer.

MY NO LIST

i have a (tbh kinda small) list of things (which you can find in my rules) i refuse to write for because some topics make me uncomfortable. this doesn't really need much explaining. if i refuse to write it, im obvi gonna delete it

PREFERENCES AND ABILITIES IN WRITING

some people request something that i either have no experience with (writing or irl) or something that makes me uncomfortable in some way. it could either be something specific (in which case i would put that in my no writing list) or the whole thing would just have a weird vibe/undertone. instead of answering the request saying why i won't fulfill it, i delete it bc i don't want things im not comfortable with on my blog.

BOUNDARIES

overall, i delete requests because they cross my boundaries, boundaries that are incredibly easy to find and see on my blog. in literally every fic ive posted on here (except for the really early things bc i didn't have a masterlist or rules post), plus my masterlist, there's a link called "request something" which leads you to my requesting rules. this urges you to read everything you should know what you need to before you actually send in a request. so if you ignore any of that, im obviously gonna see it as you being ignorant and disrespectful of the boundaries that ive created.

THIS ISN'T A JOB

although i write on here a lot, i don't get paid for it (although you can check out my ko-fi to support me if you want lol linked in my bio and masterlist). if i did, i'd obviously handle requests differently. but this is a hobby, i dont have to write every single thing that someone asks me to write.

MY BLOG

this is my blog, i can do what i want

#agaypanic #agaypanic answers #fanfic writer #fanfiction writer #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr

[jadeee]

Nicky Valentino Reverse AU

def one of my favorites 💫 enjoy

His head would prob explode within the first 10 mins of being in our timeline. The technology alone would make his head spin.

Speaking of technology, you’d have to give him a crash course every day of the week. I like to think he’s a fast learner but when it’s come to tech, there's just sm stuff: youtube, google, instagram, podcasts, audiobooks, netflix.

Nicky leans over your shoulder and glances at your screen.

“Oh is that chapcat? Or tweeter??”

You turned around and scrunched your brows at him.

“Is it the goo- what was it called? Gootube?”

Eventually, he gets a phone but he doesn’t know how to work the damn thing. You're the only contact he has atm. Tbh he prob takes a selfie with you as soon as he gets it. Well.. after you teach him what a selfie is. He’d only take selfies for you but most of his camera roll would be things he saw when he was out and made him think of you.

You told him about texting before but, one step at a time lol. He’d prob develop the habit of calling instead of texting you bc it’s a lot easier and omg he loves facetime. Always greets you with some romantic Italian before saying anything else and always compliments you.

Sometimes he won't say anything but he'll just look at you and admire your beauty. Say it’s golden hour and you’re walking to your car and the sunlight is shining on you. He'll just stare at his phone like 🥰🥺 "ti amo, amore mio"

Phone case would prob be clear or black tbh, iPhone all day long {sorry samsung and android} and it’d be that gold color.. I just know it. Lock screen would be a picture of you two and his home screen would be an off guard picture he took of you.

He’d def need a pair of blue light glasses bc his eyes aren’t used to sm screen exposure. If you have a thing for ppl who wears glasses, he’d wear em all the time lmbo. All jokes aside, I think he would have a routine where he only sets aside x amount of hrs for screen time so he doesn’t strain his eyes too much. He might try to put you on it too.

Omg he’s so old fashioned he’d have a picture of you in his wallet. Which leads me to his ID ahahaha - the day you take him to get his ID is unforgettable. He prob woke up hella early, made breakfast, and spent an hr on his hair and outfit.

Idk the technicalities behind how that would work logistically. Granted we’d have access to his birth certificate and all that but ppl would just look at him like “... when did you say you were born again?! 😳🤨” then ask what cream he uses lmbo.

Teaching him to drive HAHAHA do I really need to go into this? He’d be so nervous at first. I can imagine you two sitting in an empty parking lot and he’s just in the driver’s seat like “uhh… why are there so many buttons?”

He wouldn’t listen to the radio at first. He literally just needs to learn the bare minimum. No need to teach him the horn. He’s from New York, they know how to work those.

Wherever he goes ppl are just drawn to him. So he’ll often make friends without trying bc he has that magnetic pull. Ofc he’ll get the occasional, random “you’re so attractive” compliments but if they flirt a bit too much he’ll automatically go into “i’m taken” mode.

He’d def join a social club whether it’s for jazz lovers, old souls, or pre-boomers {is that a thing?} he’d be a part of it and never miss a meeting. This really helps him to connect with his life from the 1920s, especially with Rocky and Chris in a way.

The world is huge and he’d def meet a few ppl who remind him of his family and friends. When that happens, he’s just so captivated and almost stunned. He’ll ask them a few questions only they would know but when the doppelgangers can’t give a straight answer, he’s sort of saddened. He’d make it a point to tell them they remind him of someone back home though.

I know for a fact if he found someone from Italy - or with Italian roots - in your neighborhood, he’d freak out! If they spoke Italian?!?! He’s got a friend for life now and he prob feels so at home around them {depending on where they’re from and all that, i’m guessing}

Side note, Nicky would roast tf out of restaurants that call themselves Italian but don’t serve genuine Italian food. Speaking of food, he’d prob cook all the time for the two of you. Omg if he had a lil cookbook 😭💖💕

I really feel like he’d be best friends with an old Italian lady. I know this in my soul and you cannot tell me diff. She would remind him of his mother and that’s why he’s so drawn to her. Especially considering the only thing missing that would make his life perfect is having his family with him alongside yours. He’d invite her over for dinner and she’d def bring food for you two.

She wants to hear every detail about how ya’ll meet and she gushes over the two of you once she sees you side by side. She’ll put her hand over her heart and swoon. Her name’s either Carlotta, Giana, or Florentina.

Shopping with this guy?!?!?!?!! Ugh, sm fun. He’ll prob be really frustrated since fashion is diff now from the 1920s but still you would have sm fun. I can tell you rn though, he doesn’t like skinny jeans.

“Toots,” he struggled to pull the fabric up past his knees.

“How the hell do you wear these things?” He grunted in between his words.

Before you could respond, the door to his fitting room flung open.

He looked at you disapprovingly.

You tried to keep a straight face.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t move.”

You let out a laugh and Nicky smirked.

“I’m serious! How am I supposed to walk in these?!?!”

“I think you look good!” You tried to affirm him.

He waved his hand at the air as you continued to laugh.

“You’re just trynna get on my good side.”

He gave you a smile before shutting the door.

After a moment, he opened it and peeped his head out.

“Uh.. amore?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t get ‘em off.”

His cheeks turned pink as you stood up and walked towards him.

His style is v professional/light academia. He’ll prob try and find suits closest to his, like the blue and brown one for instance. Besides, I know he has his favorite outfits from the 1920s and he’d prob try to mimic them as much as possible.

Doesn’t own the first pair of shorts or any jeans at all. He hates the fabric of jeans bc they’re so dense and heavy, unlike his slacks. Shorts? Why would he wanna show his legs if he’s not at the beach/pool or playing find the cannoli? The only modern, laidback things you’ll really see him in are sweatpants {yes, the gray ones 👀}

He would be an absolute music and film lover 100%. If you don’t have one already, he’d get a record player and find some vinyls of his favorite singers from back then. Whenever you two have downtime, he’ll put on the records. He has music on his phone too but “it’s not the same” lol.

We already know he loves movies and he’d be fascinated by some of the modern ones. I think streaming platforms, like Netflix, would be like a goldmine for him bc they have such a huge collection of diff genres. This might be selfish of me but I’d make him watch at least one Robert DeNiro film… just one {but then there’s Martin Scorsese, Joe Pesci, and Al Pacino 🤷🏾‍♀️ one of each ig}

It’s not gonna be a walk in the park but you’re by his side and that’s the most beautiful walk he could ever take. He’ll ease into modern living but he’d def bring some 1920s style with him. I think your home would be a happy one that manages to blend the beauties of both.

He would def go down the rabbit hole searching for documents about everyone back home: Rocky, Chris, Floyd, Ralph. He would look for smthn on everyone. I think most of all he just wants to know what their life was like. If Chris ever got married and if Rocky ever stayed married lmbo.

He’d want to know how it ended too but he’d save that for last. He’d really want you by his side, even if he doesn’t say it. If he came across pictures, he’d pick his favorite ones and put them in his wallet and maybe frame a few.

⭐ BONUS: Right… money. I feel like his crew would save it for him bc he didn’t leave without saying goodbye. However, money from back then isn’t worth equal value now. So I think he would consider investing it in the stock market. Emphasis on 'consider' bc it’s like a rollercoaster sometimes. I can see him working in an office setting being part of upper management. Yeah, you need a degree for most, if not all of these, but I know for a fact somehow he’d get up there. Be it charisma, working his way up to the top. Someone somewhere is gonna call him boss.

~~~ A/N: This was v much spur of the moment writing. Thank you for reading/reblogging/liking/commenting!

#madebyjade #fictif nicky headcanons #nicky tatw #nicky valentino #nicholas valentino #fictif tatw #tatw #two against the world #nicky valentino x reader #nicky valentino x mc #fictif nicky x mc

[loveisbraveandwild]

I'm so stressed right now and I feel like you'd understand. The AMAs start at 2 am where I live and I really want to witness this moment live. But with all these performers, I most likely won't be getting much sleep at all. Do you have any idea how long the show is going to be or when Taylor will receive the reward? I'm trying to figure out when to sleep and when to be awake😂 I don't want to risk skipping the beginning and missing her part😥 Any advice?

hi!!! its at 2am my time too rip. the amas are normally about 3 hrs long so id expect 5am. she’ll be closer to the end but i dont think shes closing so maybe 4am?? the red carpet starts at midnight, too. im gonna watch that but if taylors on it (which she actually probs wont be like shell walk but no interviews) she’ll only make a short appearance. pls pls pls dont feel pressured to stay up!!! this fandom buts a lot of emphasis on like being around the moment things happen but like sleep and your health is the most important!!! i know i wont be able to sleep otherwise so like yeah but like if u need to sleep DO THAT!!!! 💗 hope this was helpful. if u have a friend in the states or aussie u could ask them to call u if that helps?? ive had friends do that for me in the past. when i sleep and they call me right before she starts or something.

#anon #two paper mail planes

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: ⚰ knock knock Ali: do i need to get the ouija out Carly: yea Carly: tho bit late to ghost the lad in my bed Carly: idk who he is Ali: 🤠 put on a disguise Ali: like whomst Ali: beats having to leave your own gaff Ali: tho it is a crime scene Carly: got love bites from my arse to my elbow Carly: is he a vamp or what like Carly: i taste good i kno Carly: [sends photographic evidence] Ali: bitch Ali: are you anaemic?! Ali: leech sounds more like it but is he sparkly with good hair Carly: bitch its too early for words i cant spell wtf Carly: he is sparkling but thats my shine ha Carly: the hair is a no Ali: low on iron, probs, i'll get you some iron tablets Ali: taste like blood, don't tell your bedmate, he won't wanna leave Ali: party's over n sharing ain't caring Ali: someone's feeling herself this morning Ali: here for it Ali: I've already been left so that's a no to me Carly: party only ended when i passed out a few hours ago Carly: so yea Carly: was fun Carly: baby no come over Ali: was whilst it lasted for me too but you know Ali: duty calls Ali: you sure Ali: don't wanna break it up if you're good to go again Carly: yea Carly: not scared to go hard on site cuz garda are to come around Carly: i am but hes snoring Carly: & boring Carly: come Ali: perks Ali: check he's not bumped his head Ali: they'd have to come if a normie went missing Carly: nah he has to go before he goes for a slash in my bed Carly: lads are ming Ali: want me to forward that to lene Ali: make her day Ali: steal my girl Carly: do Carly: never seen her party before Carly: weird Ali: Yeah Ali: she can hang but Ali: you know, other shit on her mind Ali: work being one of 'em Ali: thank god I ain't working today Carly: & i cant get a job Carly: ha Carly: can get rid of this boy easy tho Carly: hold on Ali: another skill for the CV Carly: yea Carly: better not have knocked me up Carly: not cute Ali: Umm Ali: you need to go to the pharmacy Carly: theres so much shit on the floor i cant tell whats us & whats party Carly: idc Carly: idk Carly: ill ask him Ali: Lemme know Ali: if I could pick it up for you I would Ali: guess I can, put on a oscar winning show for the nosy bitch in there Ali: Ma will die Carly: ha Carly: its k he wouldnt have gone near me w out Carly: quoted Ali: what a prick Ali: better not be there when i show up cunt Carly: hes leaving Carly: screaming him awake will do that like Carly: ha Ali: what he get for passing out 🤷 Ali: coulda shaved his eyebrows off like Carly: next time maybe Ali: get out the sharpie and all Ali: now it's a party Carly: need your artsy talents tho Carly: me just hold up i need my baby Ali: you got it covered babe Ali: i believe in you Carly: aw Carly: i gotta clean me & this place need belief Ali: how long are your rents away and are there enough stragglers we can rope in Ali: twatface not included, bye Carly: idk but yea theres lads everywhere Carly: mattress is covered Ali: 👏 Ali: put 'em to work Carly: while i lie here k Ali: hmm Ali: no bitch Ali: i know you're princess 'round these parts but still Ali: carriage is back to being a pumpkin sweetie Carly: but im 🤒 Ali: you're hanging Ali: can't claim morning sickness now bitch Ali: chop chop Carly: ha Carly: k bitch Carly: honeymoon over yea Ali: will be if your 'rents come back to this and murder you Carly: idc Carly: be sweet to me Ali: awh baby Ali: only playing tough love Ali: thinking i'm spending too much time with my gf? Carly: yea Carly: i missed you when she stole you away Ali: how dare she 😜 Ali: missed you too tho Carly: youre mine Carly: married you first Carly: & you didnt say bye to me 😢 Ali: are you sure Ali: 'cos I ain't Ali: but how unforgivably rude 😰 Carly: id remember Carly: never forget my boo Ali: baby Carly: you can make it up to me tho Ali: oh yeah? Ali: lemme guess, feed u grapes whilst you recline Carly: nah just be here Ali: easy Ali: got to yoga first but then i'll be there Ali: went too hard with the dancing last night obvs Carly: k ill shower that lad off me Carly: i think you went just right baby Ali: too descriptive babe 😬😂 Ali: calm down with your creative ways Carly: ha Carly: you should hear me sext Carly: so good Ali: sure Ali: maybe works on the straight boys 😉 Carly: not trying to work on anyone else Carly: tell your gf if shes gonna come for me Ali: you're alright, not her type Ali: I barely am Ali: 50% like Carly: shit odds Carly: that why shes so angry Ali: as shit as yours Ali: just in reverse Ali: not saying you're both wrong but Carly: k Carly: cant all be perfect babe Carly: thats just you Ali: 💁 Carly: you kno Ali: ugh my brother's being so annoying Ali: bitch i'm coming down i will fight you Carly: which 1 Ali: dancing one Carly: hes fun Ali: glad you think so Ali: send him over instead yeah Carly: you come here & stay at yours Carly: i'll Ali: alright Ali: you're getting a rough deal soz Carly: why Ali: 'cos he's usually the alright one, so if he's testing me, wait 'til the rest rock up Carly: idc i can sleep through anything Ali: be my guest Carly: but i want you to be mine Carly: had to share last nite Ali: you done w sharing? Carly: yea Carly: im mad Ali: aww Ali: pouty princess Carly: [sends a pouty selfie] Carly: cuz its better when you stay Ali: you're so cute Ali: it's rude and i object Carly: just for you my baby Ali: 😏 such a tease Carly: nah Carly: you can have anything you want Ali: yeah yeah Ali: anything you want from the shops Carly: theres nothing here Carly: i cant do that to you Ali: okay, i'll get breakfast and cleaning shit Carly: theres no money tho Ali: i don't mind Ali: s'only breakfast Ali: IOU if you want but honestly Carly: you're too good to me & for me boo Ali: nah i'm not Ali: no one deserves to be treated like shit the morning after Carly: got me crying Ali: baby Ali: don't be sad Carly: come down is a bitch but youre an angel Ali: 💚 i know Ali: you've survived it many a time before though, you'll be okay Ali: especially when you get some food and hugs Carly: yea Carly: shouldve invited your brother to my party Carly: what a bitch i am Ali: no no, he ain't here, just blowing up my phone being dumb Ali: you're alright, sure you'll meet him when summers out and he's out on town being fabulous Carly: k didnt fuck up the 1st impression Carly: love the gays Carly: your gf excluded like Ali: he's stalked your socials and liked what he's seen Ali: not in a creepy way 'cos gay, of course Ali: awh 😂 why can't we all get along Carly: he can add me i wont send him nudes Carly: cuz she looks at me like she was willing me to hang this hard Ali: oh good to know 😜 Ali: not letting him though, he chats shite and if he's gonna I need to vet it Ali: deal with it boy, crazy posessive wife like Ali: she's just angry with me Carly: idk who lads are if i cant id them in my usual and not seen his dick Carly: my bad if nudes go where they shouldnt Carly: whats he saying about me Carly: who could be angry at you too beautiful Ali: me either for a while, like Ali: feel it's unfair to describe it from memory of having to bath together Ali: awks Ali: just that you're cute Ali: n fun, of course Ali: and a hoe with it 😜 so her, easily lol Carly: aw Carly: but you didnt snog ronan last nite he werent there Ali: nah but she thinks i'm making a twat out of myself with you Ali: tragic straight girl crush, like Carly: cant have a crush on your missus Carly: weve gone beyond it Carly: real love Ali: yeah Ali: but you know Carly: she thinks were gonna fuck Carly: 3way would sort that Ali: exactly Ali: can't on principle Ali: and even if we whack out the strapon, no real dick for you so Carly: list where ive been Carly: puts loads of people off Carly: she'll know youre not trying to get w me Ali: i'm not gonna do you like that Ali: fuck that Carly: idc Carly: do what youve gonna do boo Ali: i know you don't Ali: but i do Ali: fuck those people who are just mad they weren't higher up in the list Ali: s'why you weren't so jog on Carly: stop being so nice to me Carly: if youre mean she'll forget her jealousy Ali: i don't want to Ali: i can handle it Ali: if she can't then Ali: that's that, isn't it Carly: yea Carly: but i dont wanna start shit for you Ali: trust, you didn't start this Ali: it's easier for her to pretend that's all it is Ali: that's all Carly: k Carly: if i was a lad id be fucked wouldnt i Ali: probably Ali: don't agree with that, it'd be the same but it'd be different in how she'd be able to deal, yeah Carly: thank god i grew some tits Ali: 😂 Ali: good job babe Carly: my ma was made up as well Carly: took a while like Carly: cant let her get the album out cuz i look like a lad Carly: pretty one tho Ali: you were always cute Ali: i remember Ali: grew into your ears and all 😉 Carly: aw Carly: do you tho? Ali: yeah, 'course Carly: you were always scrapping Carly: shouldve got w your gf then she'd like you more Ali: 😬 let us not think of how troubling the age gap woulda seemed then Ali: must've thought i was a right scouse stereotype Ali: bitches deserved it tho Carly: i thought you were cute Carly: & brave Carly: i was always behind my ma's legs Ali: like my sister Ali: I was always down for the more the merrier but her and Laoise said coven's had to be three so Ali: 🔮 number and all Ali: and tbh Laoise weren't that thrilled Ro was there, like Carly: black magic vibes from her forever Ali: legit Ali: shoulda been scrapping with her, like Carly: yea or fucking her first bf but i got there before you Carly: idk how she knew tho cuz he didnt tell anyone Ali: never lose that sixth sense, babe Ali: esp. when concerning keeping a man 🙄 Carly: did her a favor he was shit Carly: didnt have a clue what he was doing Carly: thought every virgin binge watched porn like Ali: 😂 Ali: have you ever binge watched? you're learning nothing of value from that shite Carly: yea but when youre bored youre bored Ali: I hear ya Ali: always bored Carly: me too Carly: & this sex drive isnt set for a cry wank or eye fuck Carly: no offence ma and da Ali: can't take it personally, lads Ali: ain't there's to try and control Carly: they gotta txt me back so i kno when they are coming home Carly: wtf got you two so busy Ali: all that sex they ain't having Carly: porn binge watch Carly: tho my dad likes reading his Ali: Can't beat a sticky page Ali: lost arm form Ali: art, lmao Ali: sure his form is grand Carly: doctor like howd you lose that arm Carly: epic cry wank Ali: 💪 on the right Ali: limp noodle on the other Carly: hot Ali: that's your father you're talking about Ali: no need to be that stereotypical Carly: shit my bad Ali: 😂 Ali: i love you bitch Carly: I love you too Carly: loads Carly: im mad at you again tho Ali: why what have i done>!> Carly: some1 came round the doorway & i thought it was you so i opened up but nah Carly: enjoy the eyeful lads Ali: oh babe Ali: 😏 bless you Carly: not gonna put clothes on for my girl Carly: waste of time Ali: obvs, charm you out so quick Ali: least it weren't the postie, or was it Ali: Ma reckons we were gonna get complaints, as if mother Carly: lad did deliver for me Carly: not letters tho Carly: least id showered Ali: gotta replenish Ali: you chasing off your comedown rn tho Carly: cant outrun that bitch Carly: some of the mas on site are mad tho you can tell yours Carly: state of their sons my bad Carly: should've kept em in if you were bothered Ali: oh great Ali: no you can't speak to the manager, piss off helen Carly: ha Carly: my da is gonna be in such a mood when he hears Carly: sorry you missed out Ali: parents Ali: not like anyone died Ali: calm it everyone Carly: dont want me to fuck on site dont want me to go off it Carly: talk sense Carly: other day you were trying to marry me off da Ali: just 'cos it brings people to his door Ali: soz to take you away from all the cranking but Carly: yea Carly: sorry im not hiding in the back like w i was little Ali: yeah Ali: too big for the caravan now baby Ali: need your own, how much is it to rent Carly: theyre on about it but the state on this one might change their minds Carly: im cleaning as fast as i can k Ali: we're gonna sort it, i am omw swear Ali: and i'm a parent pleaser so Ali: do the rounds, sweettalk to mothers Carly: he'll just take me back to the doctors like take her off the tablets shes too outgoing now thx Carly: another of your talents boo Ali: when the meds work TOO well Ali: but of course Carly: if he was around hed kno how shit they are Carly: ha Ali: 😔 Ali: baby Carly: its k just gotta double down Carly: pro now Ali: 💚 Carly: style the freakout out cuz ima bad bitch Carly: facts and talents Ali: no lies Ali: the baddest Carly: what we doing today that isnt boring Ali: you mean you ain't buzzing to make like kim and aggy Ali: rude, i'm living Carly: do anything w you but Carly: can only check you out every time you bend Ali: cheeky Ali: appaz imma check all of you out, like Carly: what you dont wanna Carly: your gf will be sad shes so wrong Ali: didn't say that but yeah Ali: hate to make her admit that as well, like Carly: ill tell her Ali: you gonna snitch on me Ali: 🍯 Carly: nah jk Carly: i like annoying her tho Ali: i know Ali: it is funny Ali: not taking sides but lol Carly: taking mine i kno Ali: shh Ali: there's no right or wrong here, babe Carly: k but you love me more Ali: its different Carly: maybe Ali: maybe huh Carly: idk she dont think it is Ali: yeah Ali: but we know the truth Carly: fact is we're ruling this place together Carly: no surprise shes jealous Ali: if the 👑 fits like Ali: soz babe Carly: & we fit Carly: cant fight it Ali: nope Ali: if it works it works Carly: yea & you work it better than anyone babe Ali: oh you Ali: save it for all the Ma's you gotta say soz to Ali: 💋 Carly: ha Carly: mine will kick my arse out if she gets on one better leave the mattress where it is Ali: not gonna come to that but always room for a lil one at ours Ali: i got you Carly: aw Carly: never had a sleepover when i was a kid Ali: 😧 then you gotta Ali: tbh they weren't all that always but you know mine were the best Carly: yea no doubt Carly: all the magic Ali: exactly, midnight snacks and scaring the shit out of each other Ali: can tell you who you gonna marry if you've got a tea light, like Carly: thats easy tho Carly: no1 Ali: alright then, excluding the fact we already is so rude, tbh Ali: i'll tell you who you next gonna bang Ali: same diff Carly: youre just gonna say you Carly: smooth Ali: please Ali: gimme some credit 😂 Carly: now i gotta kno Ali: we'll do it when i get there Ali: which will be soon Ali: got stuck chatting to an old lady in the shop Ali: assume she can't see or she'd have avoided me like hell 😂 bless her Carly: if its ronan again or his cousin dont tell me Carly: aw so cute Carly: youre the sweetest & prettiest ever Ali: i'll casually throw the wax in the bin like nothing to see here Ali: not this morning baby but 1/2 ain't bad #stillgotit Carly: tell me you see my death & run like k bye Carly: every morning Ali: you'd rather your literal death? they ain't THAT bad, predictable but like, damn Ali: that's some shade, feel the burn, lads Ali: so are you cutie Carly: idk but over ronan hard Carly: hes being such an arsehole to me Carly: cba Ali: don't Ali: ignore his Carly: yea but like im gonna see him even if i do Carly: fucking site life Ali: i kno but blank him Ali: nothing talks louder Ali: or if you gotta, be proper polite like he's a stranger Carly: ha yea Carly: amazing Ali: childish but so is he so Ali: two can play at that game Carly: youre right i kno Carly: ive deleted his txts so i cant show you but its k cuz youd be sad Carly: or mad Ali: i'm sure i could guess the gist Ali: you can tell me if you wanna talk about it though, i promise i won't go ripshit Carly: idc Carly: ive known him long so i didnt think hed go that hard but thats what lads are like Carly: he fucks around more than me too Ali: he's a hypocrite Ali: just 'cos he knows other lads can do it better Ali: he's just insecure, babe, ignore him Carly: i need a holiday from here Carly: but ma & da never take me w Ali: shit considering how many times they manage Ali: cut a hol off and you'd have enough funds lads Ali: maybe we can Carly: i did kick off last time cuz they didnt refill my prescription Carly: went crazy like Carly: wouldnt want that girl there either Ali: not your fault, that, though Ali: you were literally off your meds Carly: that they reckon i dont need tho Ali: if you didn't then you wouldn't act like that without Ali: simple as Carly: never thought of that Ali: we'll go, i promise Ali: even if it ain't far Carly: lets camp Carly: marshmallows are the shit Ali: hell yeah! Ali: let's find a cave forreal Carly: YEA Carly: dont fall over tho Ali: do my best 😂 Carly: you gotta Carly: only scaring me w ghost stories or whatever Ali: promise Carly: k we'll go Carly: 💙 Ali: 💚 done and done Ali: do you wanna bring anyone else or Carly: got my fave coming Carly: do you Ali: nah Ali: just wanna take you exploring Carly: k Carly: then you can Ali: 👌 Carly: id go now so whenever you want boo Ali: soon Ali: i'll work it out Carly: i kno Carly: got the belief Ali: 🔮 Carly: should get dressed or nothing'll get done Ali: awh Ali: you knew i just got here Carly: they arent on yet Carly: not that fast Ali: jk Ali: find me on the mattress when you're decent bitch Carly: baby no Carly: youll catch something off that Ali: sitting on the carrier bag Ali: always thinking Carly: so smart

[winds--of--change]

No.491

It's WED 19/04/2017 at 1057 PM

Me: hey, do you know why some people are even afraid of getting happiness?

Markus: Nope, why?

Me: people like Sunny, for example, who I am sure she could be happy as fuck, but as she said, she doesn't want to find a nice guy because she would feel boring and she would soon fuck it up but deep down i'm sure she wants a nice guy, like her

Markus: I don't remember her saying that, but sounds like she's afraid that she can't find one and says that as reassurance for herself

Me: sorry for randomness, i'm drinking alone and bit drunk lol thats why i can text so randomly to people like this

usually i just write it on my blog and feel better after that

i guess no one ever, including me wants to be alone

Markus: No worries

Me: i dont think i want to be alone like i thought i can

weird i thought i can always be by myself before man i want to cry i thought i just want to be happy to

Markus: Yeah, I know what you mean, I don't want to be alone, but I won't be with someone just because I don't want to be alone

Me: but somehow i just chose things that arent happy for me

exactly! thats why im always alone because id rather be alone than being with someone i cant even stand just because i dont want to be alone but somehow sometimes thats still so hard lol

maybe sometimes we actually never know what we want

but only know what we dont want. i dont know anymore

i just want to cry. and i did lol im crying, i dont even know why i cry

Markus: Yeah probably, the search for happiness is hard, but if it just came as soon as we wanted it, would you really be happy, or just content

Me: no actually i know i am prob a bit like sunny, i dont want to be happy because im afraid i would fuck it up so i'd rather choose something unhappy and so at least in the end, there wouldbe no devastating disapointment if nothing good comes out of it because after all i'm not afraid to lose it

Markus: I don't know, I don't think that anyone does that on purpose

Me: I know. i dont do that on purpose. somehow it just happens. i dont know what i saying or thinking anymore lol

Markus: I think it's a subliminal thing we do to not have to experience loss, because you can't lose what you never had, but you still want something so you are sad about that instead

Better to just search from the beginning then and face the pain when it arrives

Me: why am i crying? isnt it because it's really unhappy, then why cant i stop the unhappy thing? why i still do it. maybe it also all comes down to the fact that sometimes somehow we do not love ourselves enough to think we deserve happiness.

i dont know what i did wrong anymore. i just want to be with him, then after being with him, i went home, being alone like this, and cry. then what do i really want, a happiness with him, but im not even thinking about the possibility of this

and i know i should stop, but i just continue on, i want to touch him, but after doing so, i actually felt empty more

Markus: Then maybe you are sad because you know you will never be and are trying to make sense out of it while sometimes there is no sense

Me: i dont think i love him that much, but at the same time, i dont know what this is, maybe its just because he's my first and i felt attracted to him physically, even though physcally i don't think we match

Markus: It's hard to face life sometimes, especially when you like someone, but sometimes you just have to say fuck it, it's life

Me: maybe im just alone for so long i need something to spice it up i know i just need to fuck it and go with the flow

Markus: Yeah I know what you mean, it's hard being alone 😞

Me: but i dont know how i can just forget things, i am alone all the time but now somehow i cant be alone that easy any longer, and that scares me, because how can i face things ahead if i cant be alone that easy anymore, i used to be so numb, as im alone all the time, so it doesnt feel anything, but then i got to have chance to be with someone with friends i really love, and after that suddenly comparing to loneliness before, its a complete difference and i prefer being with someone like those people i was lucky to meet and be with, but in life its not easy to keep meeting those kind of people

and besides, i know that even though i can find a group of people who can accomodate me, i will somehow fuck it up, maybe im not just that good at socializing, or knowing how to be with someone, the fact that i drank alone, crying and ranting all bullshit like this lol after meeting him, is obviously to show that i shoulnd't be with him, but at the same time i chose to be with him because i dont believe in love i dont believe in romance i dont believe in forever happiness either, i dont believe in anything but myself, thats why i chose this experience so that i can get out of the traditional girl self who dreams of a happy ending, or a true love and blah blah blah shits, sorry why the hell did i msg you all this, lol i just want to live so that i could die, life is so long, too long we just have to keep thinking, no man, i should fucking get a job lol im kinda at liminal stage in-between thing, after graduation, before job thing, middle of nowhere, not quite here, not even there, and afraid to moving there because i dont know what is good for me 😭 man fuck me lol i should just........ sorry i dont even know why i text all this, actually the only one i can think of to talk to is sunny then im afraid i give her a burden again, so i ended up finding someone else which is you to rant on. i dont like myself who cant deal with my own shits alone, i forget how to deal with shits alone all by myself and thats so annoying lol its so annoying to be dependable on people, thanks for taking this lol good night ❤

Markus: It's OK, I was just making my dinner, yeah I understand what you mean, I also have a lot of problem finding people I can trust, especially people I can open up to, but I think that it's important not to give up, otherwise you don't know what you are missing!

And the job thing isn't easy either, I was lucky, I just happened to choose the education that would benefit me the most, but I have no idea what I want to do with my life, I think it all comes down to you live you learn

Me: you are lucky yoooooo!!!! and im sure you deserve being lucky because you will make the best of it, many take things for granted and dont do best they could but you will. i will be fine. thank you Markus 🙂 i will be fine. everything works out in the end. always. and you are a good cook! i wanna eat your cake again XD thanks to you i will defo come visit sweden one day! not like i think of anything to visit there lol except for...erm...abba museum or something? lol but yeah now i have you there i believe i could explore sweden as local

haha

Markus: Haha thank you I think you will be fine too 🙂 there are many things to do! If it's the summer you can do all kinds of things!

Me: yea i'm going home for a while anyway. i will bring back some vietnamese coffee for you!!! you must have some, i insist lol

Markus: Sounds great! I love coffee 🙂 At least good coffee 😛

Me: vietnamese coffeee is the bessttttt, approved by french ie victor and canadian ie sunny and. me lol and ..all over the world lol

Markus: Haha looking forward to it 🙂

Me: and, you hav to 'like' my new profile pic XP lmao

Markus: Lol, how drunk are you?

Me: i dont know lol i knocked the whole bottle so far lol

but i think i'm still at happy drunk, ok no i'm crying while laughing lol but well it's still good drunk lmao

Markus: Haha lol, just be careful so you don't fall over and hurt yourself 😛

Me: nah im just at home drinking and writing ill be fine lol

but seriously you MUST like my new profile picccc!!!!

please, boost my ego and let my vanity go viral for a little bit haha i'm counting on your like lmao 😜

Markus: OK, I'm going to sleep, nighty night 🙂

Me: lmao hai thanks for listening good night

Markus: No worries

#491st

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: 😭 Ali: BITCH I'M SOBBING Ali: Why are you the purest of all time? Carly: dont cry baby Carly: its not that shit like i did try Ali: It isn't shit at all Ali: it's the best Ali: when can I come get it Carly: I'll bring it youre hurt Carly: anything else you need? Ali: s'all good, Lene is bringing bandages but honestly Ali: frozen peas helped loads, not even that bad now Ali: I can hop to you 🐰 Carly: cute as youd look Carly: i wont make you k Carly: should i not come over if she is? Ali: probably not Ali: i want you to but she would be awks if not rude n i don't wanna do that to you Ali: she's just stressy rn Carly: yea hmu when she goes Carly: ill bring you good shit for the pain Ali: you're my 😇 shortcake Ali: never over how cute the gift is either Ali: hidden talents Ali: imma have to think of something good to give you now, least I'll have time if I can convince Ma that I need to rest this shit Carly: w such a talented boo i had to step it up Carly: cant lose you Carly: you dont need to do anything for me tho youre the one hurting Carly: & the cute one Ali: you won't Ali: less I make a habit of rolling down the mountains, which I ain't planning on Ali: stop at a nice grassy hill, like Ali: you can kill me with kindness tho 😊 into it Carly: yea dont k Carly: but do bring me flowers if youre in that grass for a while Carly: wanna feel the love Ali: I so will Ali: not from the garage either Ali: proper romance Carly: aw Carly: youre the best Carly: never had flowers before Ali: that's an outrage Ali: imma fix that so fast Carly: youre gonna make me sob Ali: not the goal just 'cos you got me first Carly: cuz i love you bitch Carly: it scared me when you hit the ground Ali: i love you too bitch Ali: i'm soz, swear i'm usually more capable and less dramatic Carly: my bad for having parents that make us run to the mountains Ali: it's chill Ali: adventures are the best Ali: mad we didn't find a cave to live in but there's always next time Carly: make it homey & cute aw Carly: gonna need it if your gf or fam are mad at me Ali: cavegirl chic Ali: only come down for the good times Ali: nah, my fam just laughed Ali: tah for the sympathy 🖕 twats 😂 Carly: my hair looks better uncombed like i can make that work Carly: when you gonna b party ready? Carly: my fam going away Ali: Again? Ali: I'm always ready to party Carly: i kno Carly: we have a few days to make it good Carly: ma needs to hit the salon before she can go like Ali: Naturally, gotta start your pre-tan now amirite Linda Ali: but so up for this Ali: this town needs a good party Ali: and so do we Carly: unnaturally blonde too Carly: o ma Carly: yea itll be fun Ali: we do have more fun 💅💄👗 Ali: as dubo gon' know Carly: ha Carly: me first tho Ali: obviously Ali: party planning party Carly: you bringing your gf this time? Ali: nah Ali: her idea of planning ahead is getting in double the cases, like valid but what are we wearing Carly: bored of my clothes Carly: we gotta shop Ali: 🙌 ugh Ali: marry me again Carly: k set the date Ali: obvs gotta have a 3 in it Ali: for the 🍀 Carly: & 🔮 Ali: exactly Ali: baby gets it Carly: you get me Ali: i hope so Ali: 'cos you're cool and fun and sweet Ali: i like you Carly: aw Carly: i love you 👼 Carly: cutest Ali: 🤭 Carly: gotta make you blush for each ⚘ Carly: thats my plan Ali: Can count that as 2 but Imma start making it harder from now on Carly: yea? Ali: Can't be giving 'em away Ali: plus intrigued to see what you come up with Carly: but youre so pretty when you go pink Carly: trying to change my fave colour Ali: damn, you're good 😜 Ali: what is your favourite colour Carly: 💙 Ali: Good choice Ali: the sky, the ocean, can't go wrong Carly: liked it more since i met you Carly: the eyes be like Ali: girl, you killing me Carly: sorry Ali: you ain't and i ain't Carly: facts Carly: wish you were here its boring Ali: same Ali: but Lene will be here soon, don't think I can move that fast Ali: also feel more guilty even though I ain't actually doing anything wrong Carly: i kno Carly: ill go see if ronans still in a mood Carly: if she gets too much you can say she has to come be chivalrous for me cuz hes kicking off Carly: probs will no lie Ali: don't let him be a dick Ali: more than his usual and expected, like Carly: bored of his tantrums hes like a kid Ali: yeah Ali: gotta learn he's not that much of a ride Carly: like sorry you want my wife more than me not my bad Carly: & same boy Carly: shes the ride here Ali: nah, just pissy you banged his cousin, sure Ali: you hush 😘 Carly: but i banged bartley cuz ronan didnt pay me no attention Carly: your own fault lad Ali: let him know Ali: if it weren't me it'd be some other girl, yeah? so he needs to get over it if that's how he wanna play or start apologising now, like Carly: yea Carly: ill tell him Carly: dont let your girl be a dick either tho Ali: I don't Ali: esp. not about my baby Carly: waiting for her to slide in my dms to warn me off Carly: gonna smack me w that gay scale Ali: 😂 Ali: least you can clap back like Ali: bitch i'm a 1 Carly: yea Carly: & not my bad the boo is magic Carly: cant resist Ali: exactly Ali: only human Carly: true Carly: any1 who dont like you is proper weird Ali: awh baby Ali: can i put that on my tinder Carly: gotta Carly: but you kno where to bring the dick pics Ali: DCI Carly Carly: only way im getting letters round my name Ali: I'd make you queen Ali: but lizzie ain't budging and fuck the royals yeah Carly: aw babe Carly: im blushing if you keeping score Carly: gonna be like i own this place after our party Ali: hell yeah Ali: 👑 Ali: bow down bitches Carly: gonna rule w me yea Ali: you sure you don't want prince ronan by your side? Carly: im sure Ali: then of course Ali: lemme fetch my crown Carly: id make you one but youve seen my lack of talents Carly: could maybe do ❀ Ali: ain't seen nothing but, thank you Ali: always a look Carly: you wanna see something k Carly: ill remember you said that Ali: what you planning Carly: nothing w your gf on her way Carly: but you kno Ali: shame Ali: wife ain't meant to be the fun one 😉 Carly: but when you marry me tho Carly: nother time baby Ali: i know, i wifey'd too well Ali: so 🍀 Carly: me too Ali: Oh she's here Ali: chatting up my Ma in the kitchen Carly: fun Ali: Truly Ali: She'd have booted Ronan so far down the road if he'd tried Carly: ha Carly: he doesnt do older no offense to your hot ma Ali: 😂 Ali: can't be doing much younger now, creeper Carly: thatll be why hes so moody Ali: gutted, babe Carly: but no need for you to be Carly: go get your girl Ali: heaven forfend i get up Ali: gotta play invalid Carly: aw babe Carly: take the perks & make it good tho Ali: yeah Carly: be fun Ali: always Carly: ill be here trying to make mine Ali: can take my new good luck charm as long as you keep it safe Carly: nah its yours Carly: gonna keep it safer than that for my baby Ali: 💚 Ali: just keep yourself safe then yeah Carly: aw Carly: yea k Carly: for you boo

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: heard from drew? Carly: long shot Ali: Ha, good one Carls Ali: God no Ali: he's AWOL? Carly: yea Carly: gimme calebs number? Carly: longer shot Ali: 'Course but doubt they're chillin' Ali: and he might act like saying his name invokes him to pop up like a demon but you know Ali: Have you spoken to Meena? Surely he's keeping her in the loop Carly: shes not picking up Carly: to me Carly: same as my mum and dad Ali: That's not like her, she's probably just busy, keep trying Ali: As for your 'rents, where have they gone? And why do you need Drew so urgent? Gah, sorry, so many questions Ali: Just go with this one, are you okay? Carly: ive been trying ages Carly: shes not on spanish time idk why she cant answer Carly: idk wot to do Carly: how do i get it to stop ?? Ali: Spain's only an hour ahead of us anyway, not an excuse Ali: I'm 8 hours ahead and I've managed Ali: get what to stop babe Carly: the crying Carly: i cant think Carly: its all it does Ali: You've had the baby Ali: how long ago? did you go to the hospital? you need to if you haven't, like now Carly: what Carly: why would i go there Carly: its over with Ali: Because you both need to be checked over Ali: its really important Ali: have you birthed the placenta? Is it all out? If not you could die Ali: Never mind if there's anything wrong with the baby Ali: Call a cab and give me your deets, I'll transfer the money now Carly: that alien shit Carly: yea Carly: it screams healthy Ali: that is a good sign but there could be something you're missing, maybe that's why its screaming? better safe than sorry, they're not allowed to ask you about shit unrelated, so if you're high, sober up and then go, yeah? Ali: When did you last do a feed? Have you been able to? They'll show you how, it can be tricky Carly: id scream if i was born here Carly: gonna be stuck Carly: sober up? i need more Carly: shit hurts dont need to tell you Ali: They'll give you stuff at the Hospital Ali: why do you think anyone goes? Ali: and fo free baby gurl! please Carly: i cant Carly: gotta be hear for when my mum rings back Carly: & drew might come Ali: Give me your mums number and I'll tell her where you are Ali: then she can ring the hospital and they'll let you know Ali: I bet Drew has a key, no? Ali: Leave a note Carly: he left it when he went Carly: threw it at me Ali: Oh bab Ali: I'm sorry Ali: but you gotta focus on you Ali: and the baby now Ali: Not him, he knows where you are Ali: I can text him if you want, or try to call Ali: I swear nothing bad will come out of it Carly: but its his Carly: and i am Carly: he should be here Ali: But he isn't Ali: maybe he'll come back but you gotta keep going 'til he does, alright? Carly: i need to find him Ali: Not right now Ali: next step Ali: he's not lost, he doesn't want to be found Ali: i know that's harsh but its the truth Ali: he'll come back when he's ready, alright? Carly: what about me Carly: im not ready Carly: he doesnt care Carly: why should i Ali: he cares about himself Ali: AT LEAST do that Ali: if you can't the baby then the people at the hospital will help with that too Ali: you can't just leave it Ali: boy or girl? Carly: its a girl Carly: another one Carly: hes gonna be mad Ali: I don't think he's salty about not having a male heir babe Ali: If you really won't go...I'll do my best to tell you what I know and I'll send you links Ali: we'll do our best health check and then you've got to try to feed her, yeah? Is that okay? Carly: mad that shes here Carly: i said i wasnt having one Carly: you want me to read? cant hear myself think Ali: But you were Ali: and if you were doing it without protection then he was fully aware it was a possibility Ali: I'll voice memo you then Ali: it'll stop the crying Carly: he says its not his Carly: maybe not Carly: idk Carly: its got blood on it but could look like him when thats gone Ali: He said that to me when it definitely was so kind of his go to Ali: but even if it isn't, doesn't mean he has to be a dick to you about it Ali: Its not right regardless Ali: Especially not when you're alone Carly: how do i make it sleep Carly: im tired Carly: should i sing? Ali: That might help yeah Ali: Skin to skin to, that's comforting Ali: Lemme break down how you feed it, yeah? Hold on Carly: i cant pick it up what if i drop it fuck no Carly: gotta stay where it is Ali: You won't Ali: its your baby, its safer with you than it is on the floor Ali: get a towel, that'll keep it warm and put it to your chest Ali: [Sends 38 sec video] okay, if that's easier this vid shows you how but I'm here to talk you through Carly: all the towels are wet Carly: it can have my tshirt thats warm Ali: Good idea, see Ali: you know what you're doing Ali: you've got this Carly: its too small Carly: i have to put it back down Carly: ill hurt it Carly: fuming about me coming near it Ali: She's just hungry and confused Ali: Understandable, right? Dunno about you but I'd be pretty fucked off too if I'd just been pushed out my nice comfy home of the last 9 months Ali: You'll be her best friend in my time at all Carly: id put it back if i could Carly: whyd you wanna do this 3 times Ali: 'Cos I'm a bossy bitch and I want underlings to do my bidding and I get to tell 'em what to do Ali: speaking of, time for your masterclass Ali: get her and get comfy on the sofa or your bed or wherever is bed Ali: best Carly: k Carly: shes heavy wtf Ali: That's good! You did a good job cooking her then Ali: and if she's a lil chunk, this should be easier Carly: shes small but im sleepy Ali: you can both take a snooze when this is done, usually conks 'em right out Ali: is your tiddy out? Carly: knew you fancied me Ali: you know Ali: getting in there while your defenses are down Carly: im single Carly: you too Ali: Lets do it mama Ali: cutest fam ever? i think so Carly: shes not cute like yours Carly: weird coloured thing Ali: she's probably covered in the gunk and pink from screaming her head off Ali: no ones finest hour i bet she's beautiful Carly: ill get it to take a selfie Ali: yay! get it on the nip 'cos i gotta see my boo too 😍 Ali: line her nose up with your nip, kinda tickle her top lip with it, she should open her mouth wide Ali: then you can shove it in Carly: done that before Carly: weird Carly: [Sends pic of tiny baby Indie] Carly: does she look like him idk Ali: Definitely Ali: Looks a bit like Edie Carly: ill send him the pic Carly: probs should take a better one Carly: how do i look? Ali: Like you've just given birth Ali: so a goddess Ali: but a knackered one Carly: youve got a fetish Carly: cant trust that Ali: me??? Ali: didn't impregnate myself Ali: look at Caleb! Carly: and drew Carly: wont see him Ali: Clearly its his thing too Ali: but he's more about the before than after yeah Ali: he can't stay away forever Ali: he wouldn't leave Meena Carly: youre smart Carly: if i go there he cant avoid me Ali: Exactly Ali: Camp out Ali: Ana will help you with the baby shit if you like Carly: why Carly: she doesnt know me Ali: Because she's a good person Ali: plus she's a social worker, it what she do Ali: and she knows Drew better than most, she raised him Ali: worth a shot Carly: shes not his mum Carly: but she can take this kid Ali: yeah she's better than Ali: is that what you want? Ali: she'll discuss it with you, make sure you both get what's best Carly: im not talking to her Carly: she can take it or not Ali: No one will just take her with no questions asked Carls Ali: for your welfare and the kids Carly: im not answering a social workers questions Ali: They're not entitled to judge you Ali: She won't Ali: and as far as drugs are concerned, if you want to give the baby up then literally none of their business at all after that Ali: and if you did decide to keep her then they work with you Ali: they're not gonna just shop you, it ain't like that Carly: make me go to rehab is how its like Carly: fuck no Ali: They can't make you Ali: there's no point Ali: you can only get sober if that's what you want Carly: my mum and dad'll make me Carly: i know theyre gonna Ali: well, where the fuck are they now? Ali: if they're so concerned about you they'd be here Ali: actually supporting you Carly: theyll come when they find out about her Carly: i never told them Ali: Good, I hope they do Ali: but how did that happen Ali: how could I see and they didn't Ali: or Drew Carly: they dont come back Carly: drew did see thats why he left Ali: yeah but they must talk to you Ali: your mum has obviously been there how did she not clock something being up Ali: and not soon enough in Drew's case Carly: i call them if i need money Carly: they gotta think its why im calling now Ali: When do they call you? Carly: if i call and they didnt pick up Carly: unless theyre busy Ali: I see Ali: how's she doing? done feeding? Carly: sleeping Carly: how are yours? Ali: best feeling ever, right? Ali: much the same, its late here Ali: I'm pulling an all-nighter lowkey, finishing up some work Carly: i miss junie Carly: whatever your on for it gimme some Ali: i'd be creepy and snap him sleeping but no doubt the flash would wake his highness Ali: he misses you too, i'll get him to facetime Carly: aw Carly: go work bitch Carly: i shouldnt kept you this long Ali: don't be daft Ali: queen of multitasking Ali: and not just junie who misses you is it Ali: #massiveLESBIANcrush Carly: my tits are gonna go down Carly: snap me up now Ali: Trying, like Ali: make it facebook official Ali: that'll get the lads attention ey Ali: why else do it Carly: yea Carly: my parents too probs Carly: lapsed catholics Ali: be on the next plane over to get you back on the dick like Ali: i'll get on it #longdistancelesbians Ali: my ex gonna be so mad Carly: mine too Carly: wtf am i gonna do Carly: I dont want him to be an ex Ali: even though he's fucked you over like this? Carly: i fucked him over first Carly: i lied Ali: not really Ali: if anything, you lied to yourself Ali: but you didn't wanna hear it, couldn't Ali: and that makes sense Carly: cant block it out any more Carly: fuck Ali: it gets really real really fast Ali: doesn't it Ali: but you have got this Ali: i've got you, however i can, yeah? Carly: i dont want it to be Carly: i dont want it Carly: i cant do this Ali: okay, that's okay too Ali: but she isn't going to just go Ali: whether it was getting an abortion earlier or what you have to do now Ali: you have to do something Ali: there's no quick fix for it Ali: ana can get you in touch with the right people who will make it as easy as they can for you and her Ali: or my mum Carly: if i leave her she'll get found Carly: why does nobody ever call me back wtf Ali: Yeah but they'll still try to find you Ali: or Drew Ali: and his DNA will be on the system so Ali: and I reckon if they got to him, he'd sell you out Ali: when's the last time you slept? Carly: idk Carly: what day is it Ali: Tuesday Carly: sunday Carly: saturday Carly: idk Ali: fuck girl Ali: you shoulda been banking up on it before Carly: ha Carly: easy fix Carly: need my dealer Ali: not if your gonna be breastfeeding Ali: unless he gonna bring formula too Carly: i can go myself for that Carly: get a car Ali: you getting enough cash in, yeah? Carly: ha no Carly: no student loans for this bitch Ali: you'll have to look into getting help with that Ali: there's funds and shit, i'll find out the info Ali: that or tap Drew up for child maintenance Carly: yea cos hes declaring his earnings Carly: i wish hed talk to me Ali: exactly, bribe him like Ali: he's got a lot to lose Carly: hed never forgive me Carly: i cant Ali: but you can forgive him for all he does? Ali: got it bad honey Carly: yea Carly: its fucked Ali: is there anything he could do to make you stop loving him Carly: idk Carly: why Ali: cos you'd be happier if you didn't Ali: right Ali: like, he treats you like shit Carly: i wasnt happy before Carly: & he hasnt this whole time Carly: it got bad Carly: me too Ali: but you could be Ali: you don't have to give up hope of ever being Ali: and he did for the majority of the time though, that should outweigh the good Carly: with what Carly: this kid Carly: im not you Ali: no Ali: of being happy Ali: with just you Ali: or someone else who treats you better Carly: i dont have a job or friends here and i live in a caravan Carly: not gonna happen Ali: you can get both Ali: you're cool Carly: ha Carly: youre dreaming Carly: fucked the allnighter Ali: i'm not the only one Ali: and why not? Carly: drew says im a junkie Ali: what does he know Ali: and anyway, functioning junkie Ali: shits possible Carly: he knows me Carly: he loved me til i fucked it Ali: you haven't DONE anything Ali: a baby happened to you BOTH Ali: you're both reacting, right or wrong now, whatever Ali: and he probably still does but Ali: love ain't always enough Carly: why are you my friend? Ali: I said, you're cool Ali: funny, smart, nice, you already know i fancy you so no need to kiss arse any more, yeah? Ali: you're SO friendable, babe Carly: shoulda fallen for you Ali: yeah well, the tragedy of being straight and feelings not following logic Ali: sometimes, you gotta fuck feelings tho, do right by yourself Carly: i dont feel anything when he isnt here Carly: nothing happens Carly: cept today Ali: make stuff happen Ali: its only chaos darling Carly: youre not here either Carly: what am i gonna make happen on my own Carly: this shit Carly: idk Ali: what do you wanna make happen Ali: anything, however unlikely you think it is Carly: i want him to come back Carly: my parents too Carly: but none of them are Ali: can't control other people nah but you can do all YOU can to make it happen Ali: what would make him come back? who would he wanna be with? and you can try to talk to your 'rents and tell them what is up...longshot but maybe they don't realise how shitty they're being Carly: they're not Carly: theyre busy Carly: and im not a kid Ali: busy with what? Ali: living it up in spain? Ali: they kept you, you're their kid for life Ali: they don't get to peace at 16, 18 whatever the fuck Carly: they didnt vanish Carly: i know where they are Ali: yeah but they should be here rn Ali: you need them Ali: maybe if you ask, when they answer, they will come back Ali: i'm not slagging on 'em, its just facts Carly: i dont want to go live in spain Carly: fact is theyll try and force me Ali: well, they can't make ya, tell them why you wanna stay here Ali: they could still be supportive Ali: even if they're not physically with you every day like Carly: they wont let me stay for him Ali: okay...make something more parent friendly up then Ali: what they don't know won't hurt 'em Carly: youre so smart Ali: so i've been told Ali: with varying levels of sarcasm Carly: yea Carly: same Ali: You are though Ali: One of the many reasons we get along Carly: youre such a mum Carly: bigging me up like Ali: s'what i do best right Ali: shoulda been a cheerleader, fucking irish schools not letting me shine Carly: thats what schools do best Carly: be shit Ali: true dat Ali: even if my uni is pretty swish Ali: and full of nerds like me Carly: looks it Ali: still, miss the homeland like Carly: switch places Carly: shes crying again what does she want this time Carly: headfuck Ali: think its a bit too early for her to have shat, maybe wee but Ali: probably wanting her next feed Ali: you do it roughly every 2 hours for the first month Carly: ffs Carly: howd you get anything done with 3 of them Ali: ask myself the same question Ali: luckily they're not all on the tit 'cos form an orderly queue lads Carly: not getting my tit out again Ali: its that or formula run to get her to stop crying Carly: i cant put her in the car Carly: she'd fall out Ali: that solves that then honey Ali: get 'em out get 'em out get 'em out Carly: perv Ali: 🤷 Ali: single mum, gotta get my kicks where i can yo Carly: get fucked Carly: not offering Carly: one of the nerds would be up for it Ali: no need to tell me Ali: desperation station Ali: bless 'em Carly: do you go to class with your shoulders and knees out Ali: its boiling here, not even trying to be a shameless hussy Ali: can't be swooning erryday, got places to be, shitty bums to wipe Carly: yea Carly: cant steal that excuse myself Ali: sadly not Ali: can use breastfeeding though Ali: you're just out here feeding ya kid, looking hot as a by-product, fight me world Carly: don't Carly: how is this happening Carly: im looking at her and idk Ali: i can't believe you did it all by yourself Ali: you're a right tough nut Ali: but you don't have to keep doing it alone Carly: but i have to do something Carly: wtf Ali: yeah, keep both of yas alive until you figure out your next step Carly: make it sound simple Ali: 'course Ali: i'll allow you some melodrama but i can't claim hormones as hard Carly: u can Carly: and homesickness Ali: alright, lets have a good sob Carly: this kids done enough Carly: has you beat bitch Ali: rude Ali: already winning fresh out the womb Carly: what you naming it Carly: said you would Ali: you're serious? Carly: idc Ali: probs think on that a bit longer, whether you wanna name her or nah Ali: but my lists be ready don't fret Carly: k