#it's a shame bc they're probably the couple with the least chance of getting together 😭 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sustainably-du-mortain · 10 months

Note

Let's hear about those character playlists, yeah? Expand on best songs and lyrics that really mean something to you/your characters

OOOH I'm so excited for this you have no idea!!! I love talking about character playlist!! I'm gonna do Jonah because he's my music guy (and also bc I'm still working on Mads and Côme' playlists)

Jonah's playlist

Before I go into more details, here is the whole playlist!!

Because I'm a chaotic gremlin, this is a mishmash of songs that fit his personality/backstory, songs where only a couple lines fit his vibe, songs that inspired a few fics I wrote, songs that remind me of the triad or just songs I think he would listen to.

Now it's time to get sad!!

Up, up & away - Chance Peña

I just want to show them I can make it on my own I want to go up, up & away Jonah left the family house when he was 16, so this song is about him deeply wanting to leave a house that didn't feel like home. He was living alone in a house that was constantly haunted with silence and an absent mother, and he craved a way out of that place that was slowly suffocating him. So as soon as he could, he left and never returned. Even when Rebecca or his favorite nanny begged him to come back and despite the fact that he was barely making ends meet in the beginning.

[cw: toxic relationship, cheating and guilt-tripping for these next two songs]

Lucky Escape & All for you - Years & Years

From all of the pictures I've seen of the two of you / Is he a model? / I'm not surprised, you're so vain / [...] / You probably think I must be broken / Promiscuous boy, be ashamed / Well I can tell you honey, I'm potent / At least I own up to mistakes / Don't lie to me now/ Just have some courage and show them who you really are / [...] / You're so deluded, you're such a fake / And now you got somebody else to manipulate / I think I dodged a bullet / I made a lucky escape - Lucky Escape I've been thinking / Was it all a different scene in my head / You've got powers / You instructed all the demons instead / Ooh, everyone sees a man so tall, so perfect, they said / [...] / And I have spent a year, wondering if I had all of the blame / And love's a bitter fruit if you remain in your shame - All for you I always pair these two songs together because they're about Jonah's relationship with Bobby. They got together at the end of their last year of high school and went to college together. The first year they had together was going smoothly because Bobby seemed to be really accepting of Jonah's polyamory and the couple flings he had when they were together. So Jonah was really relieved about that, but after a while Bobby's behavior started changing and he realized Bobby wasn't fine with it and actually discovered that Bobby was using the fact that he was polyamorous and that they were in an open relationship to cheat on him. So these songs are about that. Lucky escape is about how Jonah learned Bobby was cheating. He came upon a pic of Bobby with another guy on one of those pages colleges have about cute couples/gossip. And when he scrolled down, he discovered pictures of him with other guys on what seemed to be dates Bobby had never mentioned. But Bobby denied it all until Jonah caught him in the act during a party and finally got fed up of all of this. All for you is about how Bobby constantly gaslit Jonah when he tried to confront him about the pictures, at first saying they were random pictures and that he should trust those, until he started guilt-tripping Jonah over his polyamory, saying stuff like "If you're cheating, I can do it too". Jonah spent months blaming himself and his sexuality over this, thinking that maybe if he stopped going on dates with other people it would stop and this slowly destroyed him and his confidence. Until Tina forced him to see that none of that was his fault and helped him get out of the relationship.

I was torn between these next two songs, so have both

Before the song is over - Aron Wright

Leap of Faith - Christopher

So let go of all you carry / The gravity of such regret / [...] / Don't you get tired of standing / In a place bound to collapse? / [...] / The unknown is not dementing / It's the place where faith begins / What if the best is yet to come? / You just need a little more time under the sun / Close your eyes, one more time / Give me a chance to change your mind / It's just a dance, yours to be had / Don't leave before the song is over - Before the song is over We're watching the clouds changing shapes / Wait for the storm and taste the rain / But if we're standing still, now it'll be too late / [...] / Are we taking more than we can give? / [...] / Would you leave us behind or take a leap of faith? / I still your color just the same / Do you see us shine? / If you're praying for a change, you better not wait / Keep turning the pages, there's choices you make / Only once in your life - Leap of faith These two songs carry a similar feeling to me, but also hit slightly different. I see both as a conversation between Adam and Jonah. Before the song is over revolves more around these two's relationship. It's about Jonah trying to get Adam to see that there could be something worth it between the two of them. He gets where Adam is coming from, he knows how scary it is to open up again, but, if Adam is willing, they could try and see where it leads. He just wants Adam to give it a chance. The feeling with Leap of faith is the same, but to me, it revolves a bit more around Adam and Nate's relationship. It's about Adam freaking out because his relationship with Nate is suddenly changing and Jonah telling him to give it a go if he wants. Just the way the lyrics are worded makes me think of a pre-existing relationship evolving and leaving the safety of that pre-existing, comforting realtionship for something more.

Undertow - Diplomacy

fun fact: this one is actually sung by Jack Falahee who is my face claim for Jonah

I'm fighting fires burning in my head / [...] / So I'm starting over new and breaking all my rules / And I've been such a fool, so I hope you'll forgive me / If I need to catch my breath / Take it slow, I've been looking all my life for you / [...] / Still I'm taking my time for you This one is about Jonah's relationship with Nate. He has not dated anyone since he ended things with Bobby, so he hasn't had any serious relationships in years, apart from hookups here and there. So meeting Adam and Nate rattled him up a bit. He wasn't expecting to fall in love again, let alone with two people at the same time, so he needs to take it slow because what happened with Bobby still haunts him. And while he enjoys the pace this is going with Adam, things were going too fast with Nate and he chickened out after the carnival, because he had to figure out if he really wanted this, if he was ready to open up again. So this one is kind of a plea to Nate to let him take things slow.

I think this one pairs well with: Poet - Bastille

Your body lies upon the sheets Of paper in words so sweet I can't say the words So I wrote you into my verse Now you'll live through the ages I can feel you pulse through the pages Poet is very N and Jonah coded to me. It's about writing odes to your lovers and I think they do that in their own ways: Jonah through music and the songs he writes, Nate through letters and paintings. It's about worshipping your lover through writing and I think that fits the both of them perfectly.

And last but not least

Eight - Sleeping at last

If I had to resume Jonah with one song, it would be this one. I don't even know where to begin. I could quote this whole song because this is literally Jonah's life story. Also 8 is his enneagram type. I was little, I was weak and perfectly naive / And I grew up too quick He was raised by nannies who didn't give a flying fuck about him, except for one, and with Rebecca never being home, he ended up being forced to grow up too fast. He was constantly scared of nannies snapping at him if he forgot to do something or if he did something wrong, so he quickly became a self-sufficient kid to avoid having to interact with them. When I see fragile things, helpless things, broken things / I see the familiar This small little bit is about Douglas. He feels for the kid because he can't help but see himself in him. Although he isn't big on the hero worship, he took the kid under under his wing because he cannot bear to see a child go through something similar to what he went through with Rebecca. I can't let you in, I swore never again This is about Rebecca and Bobby. They're the two person in his life who have hurt him the most and he swore he would never let them hurt him again, and this is exactly what he's doing. He cut ties with Rebecca when he left the house, so this was the first time he had seen her in a very long while when she showed up at the station and he does not intend on fixing their relationship. As for Bobby, he tries his best to avoid him, but Bobby makes it hard with the constant snooping around. Show me how to lay my sword down / For long enough to let you through / Here I am, pry me open / [...] / Here's a map, here's a shovel / Here's my Achilles' heel / I'm all in, palms out / I'm at your mercy now and I'm reading to begin / I am strong, I am strong, I am strong enough to let you in This whole part is about Adam and Nate. It's about him allowing them to see how vulnerable he is, willingly opening up to them, despite how scared he is, because he's ready to give it a go. It's about letting them see how scarred he is by his past relationship with Bobby, by his past and hoping they won't hurt him like tthat again.

#Eight destroys me every single time I hear it #i'm not sorry for the pain this playlist will cause #maybe just a little bit #but thank you so much for the ask i've been dying to talk about Jonah's playlist #if you want to know more about other songs in the playlist let me know #or if you want me to go a little more in-depth with one of these songs #oc: jonah rafferty #oc playlist #jackal🚬#ali's headcanons

5 notes · View notes

eeveedel · 7 years

Note

Hi I'm sure your inbox is filled with prompts rn but if you have the chance do you think you could write something about a group of guys or just one guy visiting from a very liberal town and openly flirting with Louis at the grocery store (if he still works there) and then Alex comes in and is jealous but they're nasty towards him bc he served in the war? And then it's a fight of protectiveness and standing up for each other and other cute power couple shit. Thank you! Love your drabbles!

Two weeks later.....hey. This was a really interesting prompt, thank you for sending it. As an FYI, this deals with period typical homophobia and yes, I’m aware that most queer people couldn’t be out openly to people this easily, please allow me the smallest bit of suspense of disbelief. Also, the smut in this one is bottom Alex. This drabble is far more than just the smut scene but if that bothers you, the smut is easy to skip. (Also, this, like, took a lot of work despite being short so maybe don’t be a dick about it if it’s not your preference)

Anyways, this is part four (!!) of my OG verse, as it has come to be known. You can find all the links to the other parts here. This is unbetaed and all mistakes are mine. I hope you enjoy it!

After Alex had been home for a week, Louis went back to work, and Alex went to look for a job.

Louis had taken a full week off from working at the store after Alex got home, probably by feigning health issues. But he couldn’t stay away forever, especially not when Alex’s final army pension would be coming in soon and then they’d be living off Louis’s income and whatever job Alex could scare up. Besides, Ms. Lawrence, God bless her soul, was six feet under and while her son had decided to keep Louis employed, he probably wasn’t nearly as forgiving as his mother if Louis took too much time off.

Alex had been looking for work for a few days now, but it still seemed like the town was dry out of jobs. Wilson from the pharmacy had told Alex he would hire him again if he could, but he could barely afford to pay the employees he had now. The same response came from the town bakery, the shoe repair shop, the bank. The best option for now seemed to be to sign up for one of the never-ending factory jobs a couple towns over, one he could easily travel to by train. But building the same guns he had once slung on his back seemed too much of a bitter irony to swallow for now.

He tried to look again in one of the nearby towns, and this time, he wore his old uniform in the feeble attempt to make people pity him enough to give him work. A few told him to come back in a week this time. He considered it an improvement.

When Alex finally dragged himself back into town, it was late afternoon, almost five, and while it was still light out, but the sky was threatening to dim sooner rather than later. He could go home and change, still his uniform was hot and heavy, but it was also nearly the end of Louis’s shift, so he hurried his pace and headed straight for the grocery store.

He pushed the door open, and the bell sounded over his head. It was empty, too late in the day and also in the middle of the week, when barely anyone needed anything. But of course there was still one person there, and he looked up when Alex walked in. As soon as he met his gaze, Alex went over to the front counter, crossed his arms over the top, and then leaned over the surface.

“Hi,” he said, and Louis grinned.

“Hello,” Louis said, “How was your day?”

“Boring,” Alex said, “Fruitless. Typical,”

Louis’s mouth twitched and he shook his head.

“I’m sorry,”

“Doesn’t matter,” Alex shrugged, “I’ll figure something out,”

He tapped his fingers on the counter, making Louis glance down at his fingers before looking back up.

“I know I usually get off at five but I have to work an extra hour tonight,” Louis said, “I’m sorry,”

“You sure you can’t get off sonner?”

“Why, you gonna take me out?” Louis said.

He was joking, of course, but it still made Alex’s heart ache a bit, that going out wasn’t something he could even dream about doing for Louis.

“No, just want you home for a bit,” he said, and Louis smiled again.

“You have me home every damn night,”

“Well maybe I want you a little more,” Alex sighed, “It’s been a long day, that’s all,”

“I’m sorry,” Louis murmured. If there were home, he would’ve reached out to stroke Alex’s cheek, at the very least, but instead they just looked at each other. Louis still managed to get a smile out of Alex, but before he could say anything else, the bell rang at the front of the store and Louis pushed at Alex’s chest.

“Make yourself scarce, I have to work,”

Alex laughed, and then jogged towards the back of the shop, ducking away so he was hidden by a few shelves. He still left enough of a gap between the shelves that he could see towards the front of the shop if he wanted to, and he glanced to the front now, if only to catch another glimpse at Louis.

Then he paused, not recognizing the people that had walked in. He knew nearly everyone in town, but there were two men at the front of the store he hadn’t seen before. Nice clothes, neat hair, easy smiles.

He stared for a few moments and then turned away, going back to pretending like he was paying attention to the shelf in front of him, and he just listened to Louis’s voice.

“Can I help you with anything?” Louis asked.

“Actually,” said one unfamiliar male voice, “We were wondering if there’s anything interesting to do around here. Only stopping in for a short while”

Right, definitely out of town. The man that was speaking had a higher accent, too. London, probably, somewhere further south.

“Don’t think you’re in the right place for that, mate,” Louis laughed, “We’re good for stopping by and not much else,”

“That’s a shame,” the same voice said, “Are you sure? How about somewhere I could take someone out for a good night?”

“We’ve got a couple pubs. Some of them have food, dancing,” Louis offered.

“Really,” the man voice was talking, and now his voice was pitched, intrigued, “You go a lot?”

“Uh,” Louis said, “Just when my flat mate wants to go,”

That’s me, Alex thought softly, a smile quirking over his lips, he’s talking about me.

“Hm. Well, anywhere you like to go then? When you’re not working here?” the man’s voice continued.

“Not really,” Louis said, “Maybe out for a walk,”

“Ah,” the man said, “Maybe we could take a walk together sometime,”

Alex paused, his fingers halting right over a newly emptied shelf of oatmeal.

That wasn’t something a stranger would offer.

“Uh,” Louis laughed weakly, “Not sure what you mean there, mate,”

“Just what I said,” the man continued on, “We could take a walk,”

“Well, I work. And I don’t exactly know you, either,” Louis said. His voice was careful, but also a bit cautious.

Honestly, Alex couldn’t quite figure out what this bloke was after, either.

“Right, I’m sorry. My name is James. Now we know each other,”

“No, we don’t,” Louis said flatly, and Alex almost laughed. Louis usually only used that voice for anyone in town that wasn’t Alex or a current customer. It was his annoyed voice.

Not that he blamed him. James – apparently – wasn’t exactly making Louis do his job.

“Well, maybe we could. You get off soon, don’t you, love?” James said, “We could go to dinner,”

Alex’s hand shuffled over the shelf, his fingertips trying and failing to grasp onto something.

He recognized those words from the lips of men asking girls to do something.

But this man…he was talking to Louis. In the open. He couldn’t be…

“Or if there’s nowhere you like to eat around here, I could cook you something. Don’t have a stove at my room, but I’m sure you have something at yours,” James said.

“Uh,” Louis said, “I’m still…not sure what you’re angling for,”

“Oh,” James chuckled, “Oh, I see,”

Alex finally glanced through the gaps in the shelves, getting a better look at the front of the store. James – or at least, he assumed he was James -- was tall, with dark hair, and he had both hands set on the counter and was leaning forward a bit, grinning, like Alex had been a few moments ago. His friend was hanging back but smiling almost knowingly at them. Louis had backed up, had his arms crossed and his brow creased.

“You’re very lovely,” James smiled, and Alex could feel something lurching in his chest for multiple reasons.

“He saw you through the window,” James’ friend piped up, “He wouldn’t go on until we stopped in to say hello to you,”

Louis’s forehead creased forward and he glanced between the two, his frown deepening.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said quickly, and James laughed.

“You don’t have to pretend with me, love,” the man smiled, “I won’t hurt you. I’m like you,”

Louis’s eyes widened a bit at that, and he glanced between the two of them and then the door.

Alex could have sworn he almost looked at the back shelves that were hiding Alex, but he couldn’t be too sure.

“You’re trying to pull, then,” Louis said flatly, and James smiled, making Louis rush on, “I already have somebody, anyways, even if – even if I’m whatever you think I am,”

Me, me, me, he’s talking about me, Alex thought, but his own voice was weaker in his head this time

“Oh, I see,” James said, but now he was laughing, like it was a damn joke, “You have a girl, then?”

“Yeah,” Louis said, “Yeah, I have a girl,”

That wasn’t even close to true. The girls around here mostly pretended like Louis didn’t exist, even though Alex couldn’t find a damn reason anyone would want to write him off.

“Darling,” James said, and no, that was wrong, this man was not only talking to Louis like this in the open but he was calling him things only Alex could call him, “Darling, it’s alright. I know,”

“What the bloody hell do you think you know?” Louis snapped. His back was now fully pressed against the wall, and he was nearly shouting. Alex really hoped Mr. Lawrence wasn’t upstairs in the apartment that had once belonged to Louis.

“Don’t scare him, Christ,” James’s companion laughed. Christ, they were still laughing.

“You’re right, I’m so sorry,” James said, “Listen, I’ve gotten used to reading people. Particularly other men. I’ve learned to understand their…preferences before they even speak,”

“I don’t – “ Louis started again, but this time James cut him off.

“I’m not a cop, Christ, darling, I won’t report you,” he said, “I just saw you and thought, what a pity, such a pretty thing in this little town, probably got no one to give you want you need,”

He has me, Alex thought. He was gripping the shelf so hard he might break it or get splinters, whatever would come first. He has me and I would give him the entire world if he asked for it. Some day I hold him in my arms and I think that if I could, I would take my own worthless heart out of my chest so he could have one that beat properly.

Louis was still closed off, looking rather put off, but then. Then. James reached out, over the counter put a hand on his elbow.

“Come on,” James said, “I’ll be gone soon anyways, just give me one night,”

No, no, he couldn’t, Alex thought desperately. Well. Louis could do what he wanted. He could always do what he pleased and he would anyways.

But he couldn’t say yes to this. Alex would volunteer to go back to the mole before he had to stand here and hear Louis agree to that.

Alex came out from behind the shelves, then, a bit quickly, and immediately, three faces snapped to him. James dropped his hand off Louis’s elbow and smoothly stepped back, while Louis just stared at him, eyes wide.

“Private,” James said, folding his arms over his chest, “Passing through?”

“No, actually” Alex said, not looking away from Louis, “I’m home,”

James clearly noticed because he cleared his throat.

“Listen, if you saw – “

“He’s a friend,” Louis cut in, and then closed his eyes, “He’s a friend, it’s fine,”

“Ah,” James said, and then lifted his hand, gripping his chin as he glanced over Alex, “Why are you home so soon? Injury?”

“Discharge,” Alex said.

“What’d you do, then?”

“Nothing,” Alex sighed, “Evacuation during a mission and they apparently didn’t have a good place for me anymore,”

“Where was your last mission?”

For fuck’s sake.

“Dunkirk,” Alex finally said, and the man nodded, his lip smirking upwards.

“Heard about that. You’re one of them, aren’t you? The ones who had to go and almost made us lose the war?”

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration there, don’t you think, mate?” Louis snapped, “Were you two ever out there?”

James didn’t even flinch, but glanced over at Louis and smiled.

“Yes, actually,” he said, and then waved at where his friend was still lingering in the corner, “Henry and I were trained for the RAF, but we were dropped after a few months on honorary discharge. We were still in fire, though,”

“That sounds like shit,” Louis snorted.

James’ head turned back towards Alex and he frowned.

“Pardon me?”

“The fact that being in fire is something you just want to bring up with a damn smile on your face tells me you didn’t do shit,” Louis sighed.

James frowned even more, then glanced between Louis and Alex and then settled his gaze back on Louis.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “How do you two know each other?”

“Small town,” Louis said, but Alex spoke at the same moment, and louder, probably too loud.

“We live together,” Alex said, “I – I take care of him,”

“You live together,” James repeated, and then pressed a hand to his lips, glancing between the two of them again.

“Oh,” he said, “Oh, I understand,”

He motioned between the two of them, lifting his brows, and then kept a finger on Alex.

“Is this your girl then, love?” he smiled, still so sweetly, “She’s a lot rough around the edges, isn’t she?”

“Watch your damn mouth,” Alex snapped, and he heard Louis breath sharply behind him.

“Alex,” Louis said softly, “Just go home, okay? I can handle this,”

But James apparently wasn’t finished, and he plowed straight ahead.

“You’ve got poor options here, don’t you darling?” he said, “You know, if you don’t like me, I have so many friends who would love a pretty face like yours. Can have anyone you’d like in London,”

“Actually, I like him just fine,” Louis said coolly, “Don’t need to meet your friends to know even speaking one word to them would be a waste of my time,”

James looked at him again, his eyes wide and his face unreadable, and Louis sighed.

“You know, it’s shop policy that if you have no intention of buying anything, you should get out,”

James’s mouth hung open for a moment, but then he firmly closed his lips.

“Alright,” he finally relented and took a step back, “Henry, I believe we’ve been dismissed,”

Both of them started walking away, back towards the door, neither of them looking interested in even saying goodbye.

“Wait,” Alex called out, and James stopped, looked back and gave him a look.

“Just – “ Alex gulped, “While you’re here, you can’t talk about us. You can’t, please, if anyone here knew – “

“Oh,” James sighed, his expression loosening a bit, “You may not like me, but I’m not heartless,”

He turned away again, and Alex watched them through the glass of the shop’s front window as they retreated outside. He tried to calm himself before he turned back to Louis, but then he realized that was nearly impossible. His breathing was thick, his shoulders were tense, and his mind was never going to settle, not when there was a man here fucking flirting with Louis in the open.

So eventually, he turned back to Louis, frayed nerves and racing mind and all.

“I’m sorry, I just – “ he started to say, but Louis cut him off.

“Alex,” Louis sighed, “Just go home, okay? I’ll get our groceries before I leave,”

“But – “

“Please, Alex, go home,” Louis said a bit too sharply, and then he stepped from the counter, closer to the wall, “Please,”

Alex wanted to open his mouth. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to burst out of the store and chase down James and his fucking friend and ask them who they thought they were, coming here and making his life more complicated for no reason. Most of all, he wanted to drag Louis onto the floor by his shirt front and kiss him and tell him he loved him, adored him, wanted him to occupy every day Alex had left his in life.

Instead he caught the way Louis was looking at him evenly and he walked out of the store and found his way back home.

Louis arrived home by the time it was dark, immediately went to set a bag of groceries on the kitchen counter, and then promptly went over to the couch and leaned over to kiss Alex full on the mouth, cupping his cheek in one hand as he did so.

“I love you,” he murmured when he pulled away, and Alex lifted his chin and chased his lips, trying to get him to come back, and finally, Louis leaned back in and pressed his lips more firmly back to Alex’s own.

Louis finally pull back completely and straightened up, and he sighed and shook his head.

“I just…I needed to tell you that,”

“Thank you,” Alex murmured, and then reached out and caught Louis by the hips, pulling him closer. He reached up and unclipped the edge of his brace, making it fall loose, “Got too many damn clothes on you, doll,”

Louis snorted and set his hand on the top of Alex’s head, stroking his hair.

“Come help me make supper,” he murmured as Alex unsnapped his other brace. Louis laughed and brought a hand around his thin waist, grabbing at where his trousers were already dangerously loose on his hips, “I’m serious, love. I bet you didn’t eat your lunch today,”

“I had a little,”

Louis sighed and brought himself forward, and he leaned down and kissed the crown on his head, dragging his fingers through his curls.

“Everyone thinks I would drop dead without you, you know,” he huffed, “It’s the other way around,”

“Right,” Alex sighed, “You’re right, you’re always right,”

He pulled on the small of Louis’s back, drawing him even closer to him, and he lifted his chin, pressing his nose to the fabric of his shirt and breathing in the scent of washing soap.

“You’re wearing my shirt,” Alex mumbled.

“Uh huh,” Louis agreed, and Alex squeezed his side.

“Looks better on you,”

“Feel like you’d like it off better,” Louis said, and Alex grinned and nipped at his belly, making Louis shriek and pull away.

“Stop that,” he mumbled, and then tilted his head down, examining Alex closely before reaching out a hand and fiddling with the collar of Alex’s uniform shirt that he was still wearing.

“Take this off, please,” Louis said, and Alex managed to smile a bit.

“You asked me to fuck you in this uniform when I first got it, you know,”

Louis didn’t even smile, though, just shook his head.

“Yeah, not now,” Louis huffed, “I just – you look so sad with it on,”

Alex’s smile immediately dropped, and he opened his mouth, but Louis pressed a finger against his lips.

“Don’t you dare apologize to me for that, I know that look,” Louis said, and then let his finger drop, “Just – Christ, get up so we can both get undressed and then make dinner,”

Alex nodded and then stood, reaching out for Louis first. His already loose trousers were easy to slip off his hips and legs, and Louis toed off his shoes on his own while Alex undid his shirt buttons. He didn’t really need to, but Alex also reached for his hips and pulled his drawers down, exposing pale skin, coarse, dark hair, and Louis’s soft cock. Louis just gave him a look and sighed.

“You damn well know what’s coming to you, then,” he huffed. But then his face stilled, his mouth hardening, and slowly, he reached out for Alex’s shirt.

He undid the buttons carefully, then gently pushed the fabric away to reveal his chest and stomach. Then he untucked his shirt, pushed it away from Alex’s shoulders along with his overcoat. Alex knelt down to loosen his bootlaces and once he was straightened back up, Louis unbuckled his belt, again, carefully, and then slipped his trousers and drawers off. Alex pulled his feet out of the puddle of fabric and took a careful step towards Louis, leaving the uniform behind. Louis just glanced up a bit, blinked, and then grabbed Alex by the chin and brought him down a bit closer to his own level.

“There,” he breathed against his lips, “There’s my handsome boy,”

Louis lifted his mouth and pressed a kiss to Alex’s lips, and then pulled away, releasing him.

“Help me cook dinner,” he said, and then dragged a hand over Alex’s chest, “Alright?”

Alex couldn’t come up with a decent answer so he just nodded.

As it turned out, dinner was simple, sandwiches and a hot soup that Louis made all the time because it had only three ingredients and it kept well. It was probably for the best that dinner was so easy because Alex could barely focus, between Louis standing so close to him, so bare and lovely, and the thoughts of what had happened earlier that they still hadn’t sorted through.

Louis had seemed angry earlier, and he was quiet now, and he had also given Alex a kiss in lieu of a real greeting and had undressed him carefully and Christ, Alex had just let him, hadn’t even brought it up.

Louis stayed quiet even when they ate dinner at the table, bodies still completely bare, and they left the dishes dirty in the kitchen and went to the bedroom. Louis went to take a bath while Alex laid in bed, wondering what to do next, because he kind of never wanted to think about the way Louis’s way had looked that afternoon, so unsure and angry and scared, but he also had more questions than he could probably try to sort through in one night.

Eventually, Louis came out of their bathroom with a thread-bare towel wrapped around his shoulders, and he smiled and padded carefully over to the bed, giving Alex a quick peck on the mouth before dropping the towel and climbing over to his usual side of the bed. Alex reached out and smoothed a hand over his hip and Louis’s mouth twitched, and he moved forward to kiss him again, but Alex spoke before he could.

“Baby,” Alex murmured, “Can we talk about this afternoon?”

He felt Louis’s entire body go coiled and tense under his touch, and he cursed himself for a moment before Louis relaxed a bit and looked up at him with wide, wide eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said immediately, and Alex shook his head.

“I – it’s okay, I know you were mad at early, but that was my fault, I probably could’ve handled that a little better, but – “

“No, no,” Louis said, and he drew back far enough that Alex’s fingertips uselessly fell away from the dip of his waist.

“It’s not you, I mean,” Louis continued, his fingers curling tightly into their over starched sheets, “He flirted with me,”

“Yeah, I saw,” Alex said drily, and then immediately swallowed when he saw something flash over Louis’s face, “Baby, I didn’t – “

“Are you angry with me?” Louis asked all the same, his voice shaking dangerously, and Harry tried again to touch him, only gaining a bit of purchase on his skin before his fingers fell away again.

“Baby, no. No, no, no,” he whispered, and Louis ducked his head at that, forcing Alex only to look at the crown of his head.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Louis said, “No one – a man fucking flirted with me in public, what was I supposed to do? I thought he was undercover, that he was trying to hunt us down and turn us in, and then you came in and I thought we’d be fucked for sure – “

“Shit,” Alex immediately mumbled, and this time gained a bit more purchase on Louis’s hip, drawing him closer, “I didn’t even – Christ, you’re right, I’m so sorry,”

“I don’t think they will,” Louis said, “ I mean, if they were really there to put us away they could’ve done it right then and there. But – “

Louis swallowed, and then his eyes went wet and he ducked his face into his hands, a weak gasp escaping his throat.

Alex’s heart lurched and he immediately gripped Louis by the waist and pulled him close to his chest, cradling the back of his hair, pressing weakly aimed kisses to his forehead.

“Baby,” Alex mumbled, “Baby, baby, baby,”

“Stop it,” Louis huffed weakly, curling a hand over Alex’s chest, “I think I get the bloody point,”

“Do you, though?” Alex asked, and Louis shook his head, his fringe rubbing over the base of Alex’s throat.

He was quiet, nearly too quiet, and then when he spoke his voice was raspy, thick with swallowed-down tears.

“He didn’t even hesitate. Just fucking talked to me like a bird would try to talk to you,” Louis said, and then slapped his chest weakly when Alex opened his mouth, “Do not. You know they’d be going after you,”

Louis inhaled again, and then his voice was softer.

“Just made me think that maybe there’s somewhere…that we could go and meet other people like us. Be more honest than we can be here here,”

“Maybe,” Alex said softly.

Maybe Louis could at the very least. Maybe one of them could get away from here.

Alex’s face must have gone tense, because Louis frowned and reached up, pulling his fingers over Alex’s temple.

“I hope,” he said, then paused, swallowed, kept going, “I hope you don’t think I would ever give him a glance. Or anyone like him,”

Alex blinked, and Louis smiled, pushing forward.

“Fancy posh boys with their RAF discharges,” he scoffed, rubbing a hand along Alex’s chest, “Probably got small pricks,”

Alex snorted but then laid still, and Louis sighed and lifted himself up to press a kiss to the side of Alex’s mouth.

“What’re you thinking?”

“How they probably wouldn’t have to hide you away like I do,” he finally said.

There were a thousand reasons what had happened in the shop was lingering over him. But the he realized now that what he had been lingering on most was the fact that there were men in the world, like him, like Louis, that seemed about as carefree as they could be in their situation. Meanwhile they were in a shitty flat they could hardly afford, and it was the only place in the world that was safe for them.

Louis just blinked at him, and he grabbed Alex’s face in both hands, gripping so tight his blunt nails dug into his cheeks.

“Ow,” Alex protested weakly, but Louis was looking at him with eyes made of blue fire, and then he was speaking again.

“Darling,” Louis said softly, but firmly, urgently, “My darling, darling, boy, you are the only person I ever loved who loved me back. You know that? Not my family, not anyone in this shit town. Just you,”

As he said it, his grip out tighter on Alex’s cheeks and jaws, and he probably could tell Louis to stop but goddamn it he wasn’t going to.

“Love,” Louis continued “You’re a pretty boy with a uni degree, and you stay here in this shit hole just so you can feed me medicine and keep me company. I would think you’d have to love me an awful damn lot for all that. That and you tell me every damn day of my life,”

Louis sighed, finally letting go of Alex’s face enough to run his palms over the sides of his face.

“And you know that I love you,” Louis said, “Right?”

Alex didn’t say anything, and Louis’s eyes flared a bit, his lip trembling as he kept speaking.

“I wake up every single day and my worthless heart feels too weak, like it can’t last another day, but I get up and I try to get it to understand that I need it to work, I need to keep fucking living because there’s this boy, this stupid, ridiculous boy that I thought I was going to lose but that came back to me, and goddamn it if I’m not going to do everything I can to see that boy’s hair go grey,” Louis’s voice was rushed and his words nearly tripped over each other and his cheeks had gone pink, but he kept going, “I am so in love with you, and I will love you here or anywhere else you want us to go but I don’t need anything else,”

He took a breath, nearly panting, and Alex could just stare at him and listen to the rhythm of his breath.

When Louis finally stopping panting, he looked at Alex with firm eyes.

“You better have gotten the damn point after that, I don’t have anything else in me,” he said weakly, and Alex laughed.

“I get it,” he said, “I – fuck, I’m never going to understand why you want someone like me, but I’m going to believe you for now,”

“Good,” Louis nodded, “Good, good,”

He leaned in and kissed Alex firmly, and even though he had done it so many times before that night, Alex still breathed softly in his mouth, felt his body relax as Louis wrapped an arm around his waist, felt himself warm from the inside out.

“You know,” Louis said when he pulled away, and then lifted a hand up to brush Alex’s fringe out of his eyes, “I haven’t had you in a while. You want that?”

“Fuck,” Alex breathed out, and then nodded, “Yeah, fuck, please,”

“Alright,” Louis smiled and then reached behind him to his bed stand, where they had left the Vaseline the other night. When he turned back he reached out and pulled on Alex’s hip, getting him to roll over onto his belly. Louis leaned over, kissing his temple, and then he dipped a finger into the pot of jelly and reached back, slicking over Alex’s hole before prodding at it more firmly, trying to open him up. Alex closed his eyes and tried not to push back into the touch too much, because fuck, it hurt a little bit and it was going to hurt more if he did that, but he couldn’t remember the last time Louis’s fingers had been back there.

Too damn long, apparently, because he could’ve sworn it took a good ten minutes before Louis slipped another fingertip in.

“You’re alright,” Louis said softly, and then kissed Alex’s temple again, “Not gonna hurt you, love,”

Alex nodded and blinked, becoming aware of the extra wetness that had built up at the corners of his eyes.

“I know,” he murmured, “I know, God, I know,”

Louis smiled and then pressed into more firmly, making Alex whine. Louis leaned in again and this time kept his lips pressed firmly to his temple as he pushed his fingers in and out until they were sliding easily, and Alex finally reached back and grabbed at Louis’s wrist.

“Enough,” he mumbled, “Baby, enough, please,”

“Serves you right,” Louis laughed as he finally pulled his fingers out, “You take a damn hour to make sure I’m ready, it drives me up the damn wall,”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said as he rolled over, and Louis rolled his eyes and grabbed for the Vaseline again, this time to take his cock in his hand and put sure he was properly slick.

“You’re forgiven,” Louis said and he put onto his knees and kept his cock anchored in his hand as he moved closer, “Do I have to tell you to breath deep?”

Alex barely had time to answer before he felt Louis pressing into him, and he quickly took a deep, shuddering breath and reached up and grabbed for Louis’s waist.

“Gentle,” he mumbled, and Louis smiled and nodded.

“It hurt?”

“I just don’t want to work yourself up too bad,”

“How noble,” Louis sighed, and then shifted his hips forward, making Alex gasp, “Shouldn’t even have to work too hard, you’ve been half hard since you took off my drawers,”

Heat flushed through Alex’s face, and Louis laughed and bent down to kiss him as he snapped his hips.

“Now see, why would I want anyone else when I have a boy who fusses over me even when he’s getting fucked?” Louis murmured, and Alex closed his eyes and whined again. Louis wasn’t even going faster, just moving his hips steadily, but it was enough, Christ, it was enough.

And then Louis grabbed him cock and started rubbing it base to tip, and his eyes snapped up and he looked up at where Louis was watching him, his face a bit slick with heat and slick, and he smiled softly as he kept moving his hips and his wrist in equal time.

“Yeah,” Louis said, “Love you here, love you in London, love you wherever,”

“Baby,” Alex gasped out, and Louis smiled.

“I know. I’m your baby, you tell me that a lot. And you know what? You’re my baby, too,”

Louis reached up and brushed Alex’s fringe away from his eyes, and he snapped his hips again, making Alex whine high in his throat.

He tried to open his mouth, tried to say something else, but Louis pressed his finger to his lips.

“Shh, baby, it’s alright,” he said, “Whatever you want to tell me you’ve told me a thousand times before and I’ll hear a thousand more times tomorrow. Just breath,”

Alex blinked, and he couldn’t even think of fucking James and the corner store right now if he tried. He only ever wanted to think about Louis and his smile and his eyes and the ring Alex wanted to buy for him one day, whether or not it would mean anything on paper or not, whether or not they could ever go outside together, really together, or not.

When he came he shouted, and Louis had to press a hand over his mouth so no one would hear, no one would know.

But then Louis kissed him carefully and picked his bath towel off the floor to clean Alex up, and as Alex watched him, he figured it was enough to keep this just for the two of them.

#larry fanfiction #larry fanfic #alex x louis #drabbles #there will be bottom louis in the next one I think #but yeah if you yell at me about b!alex after how long this took I will cry #Anonymous #ask

48 notes · View notes